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1 Hello! ^-^ This is a songfic about Tomoyo-chan using the song ‘I Try’ by Macy
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2 Gray. ^-^ I hope you like it! ^-^
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3
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4 I Try
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5 by Amazoness Duo
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6 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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7
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8
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9 “Games, changes, and fears.
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10 When will they go from here?
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11 When will they stop?”
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12
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13 I love you so much, Sakura-chan. More than you could ever know. But
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14 you don’t see that, do you? That’s okay. I just want you to be happy. But I wish
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15 things didn’t have to take such a round about way to get there. First Tsukishiro-
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16 san and then Li-kun. I wonder when things will finally slow down enough for
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17 you. I want to be the one who gets to be the focus of your love.
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18
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19 “I believe that Fate has brought us here.
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20 And we should be together, babe.
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21 But we’re not.”
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22
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23 From the first day we met, I’ve been so in love with my beautiful
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24 Sakura-chan. And my love for you has only grown stronger throughout the
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25 years, through all that we’ve been through. I’ve been keeping it inside, watching
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26 you from a distance. I’m right there, but you don’t see me. But I’m happy to
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27 watch. To watch and love you from afar. But sometimes... Sometimes I want
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28 you to notice me. More than just a blush for a few seconds when I say
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29 something embarrassing. I want you to look at me. To look at me the way I look
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30 at you. But that’s silly. You would never look at me that way with those
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31 shimmering emerald eyes. Would you?
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32
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33 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you.
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34 And I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feeling,
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35 I try to say goodbye and I choke
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36 I try to walk away and I stumble.
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37 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
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38 My world crumbles when you are not there.
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39 Goodbye and I choke.
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40 I try to walk away and I stumble.
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41 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
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42 My world crumbles when you are not there.”
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43
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44 Sakura-chan is so genki, and sweet, and gentle, and shy, and perfect.
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45 How could I not fall in love with you? It’s just impossible. There’s no way I
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46 could spend so much time with you and not feel my heart flutter whenever
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47 you’re near me. Your friendship means everything to me. It fills my soul with
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48 joy just to be able to spend an afternoon with my dear Sakura-chan. I couldn’t
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49 risk affecting our friendship, even if I think you’d be accepting of my love for
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50 you. My love for you will never change. I’ll always love you, even if I can’t be
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51 with you. So I pretend it’s nothing. I hide behind my cheerful wall, not letting
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52 anything affect me. At least not that you can see. But it does hurt. Being around
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53 you so often, but never being able to tell you, to let you know that every beat of
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54 my heart murmurs your name throughout my body. I tell myself that I’ll be
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55 happy as long as you are, but I don’t think I can ever be happy without you. But
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56 maybe if I know you’re happy, I can be content with that thought. Because I’ll
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57 never stop loving you. It’s so difficult to keep up the charade sometimes. Seeing
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58 you blush at my comments or just wearing one of my costumes is almost
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59 unbearable. I just want to let it slip for a moment. I want to hug you and kiss you
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60 and tell you how much my heart yearns for you every waking moment. That
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61 cutely costumed Sakuras haunt my dreams. But I have to keep silent, always
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62 smiling. For you.
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63
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64 “I may appear to be free.
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65 But I’m just a prisoner.
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66 Of your love.”
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67
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68 You think I’m happier than I am. That I’m stronger than I am. But
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69 that’s okay. Because I wouldn’t want to worry you with what’s hiding beneath
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70 the surface. It’s not your fault that you don’t see it. I hide it from you because I
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71 think it’s better that way. Maybe when you’re older I can explain everything and
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72 we’ll both laugh about how I would fawn over you and you wouldn’t even
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73 notice. And I’ll dress you up in a cute wedding dress and you still won’t notice. I
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74 have hinted a little heavily sometimes, but you can hardly be expected to notice.
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75 You’re very busy with the Cards and school and friends. Besides, I always
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76 found that denseness about you to be rather cute. I find everything about you
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77 cute. I stay silent about my feelings because I love you. I will do everything I
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78 can to make you happy because I love you. Sometimes it hurts so much that I
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79 want to break down and cry, but I know I can’t slip in front of you. It would be
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80 so much easier to let it all go, but I know that that’s impossible. The red string of
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81 fate has me bound eternally to you, Sakura-chan.
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82
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83 “And I may seem all right.
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84 And smile when you leave.
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85 But my smiles are just a front.
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86 Just a front.”
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87
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88 I try not to give you any reasons to worry about me. You already have
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89 enough to worry about without taking into consideration my feelings. I wouldn’t
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90 want to burden you anymore than you already are. And I would take all of that
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91 off your shoulders if I could. But you really do make a wonderful Card Mistress,
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92 so maybe I’d leave that... I have to have some reason to get you into cute
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93 costumes, after all. So I try not to let you see when I’m sad or when I’m hurting.
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94 Because I need you to be happy, even if I can’t be. I can’t stand to see Sakura-
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95 chan sad, especially on my behalf. I’ll keep catching that smiling face on
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96 videotape so that I can watch it whenever I’m down. But even then, part of me
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97 wishes that you could see past my fake smiles and cheerful voice to the pain
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98 deep inside. I wish that you could know, even though it would hurt me
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99 immensely to force that upon you. So please don’t look past my smiles, Sakura-
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100 chan. Because I know yours are real. And I can watch those shining smiles over
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101 and over again, letting them warm my lonely heart.
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102
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103 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you.
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104 And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling,
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105 I try to say goodbye and I choke.
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106 I try to walk away and I stumble.
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107 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
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108 My world crumbles when you are not there.
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109 Goodbye and I choke.
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110 I try to walk away and I stumble.
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111 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
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112 My world crumbles when you are not there.”
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113
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114 Sometimes it’s so hard to keep it up. My knees go weak and my heart
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115 pounds in my chest and my vision blurs. Everything disappears but you. And I
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116 try so hard to keep up the illusion that I’m perfectly all right. That there’s
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117 nothing to worry about. But I want nothing more than to hold your hand. To
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118 gaze into those deep, jade eyes of yours. To look forever into Sakura-chan. Do
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119 you know how that feels? To feel so completely and utterly in love with
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120 someone that your body won’t listen to you? That they’re the only thing in your
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121 entire world? To borrow from you, Sakura-chan, everything is just ‘hanyaa’. It’s
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122 perfect. But I barely manage to keep up my mask. I say something embarrassing
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123 to you that you almost immediately shrug off and I’m back to where I was. No, I
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124 want to cry. Because my feelings have nowhere to go. I can’t pour them out to
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125 you the way I want to. I just have to pretend they’re not there so I won’t risk
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126 anything. And you ignore my hints and comments. So I go back home and watch
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127 my precious Sakura-chan. Hours and hours and hours of you on videotape,
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128 doing almost anything imaginable. But it’s not you. And it’s a poor substitute
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129 for you. But it’s all I have.
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130
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131 “Here is my confession.
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132 May I be your possession.
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133 Boy, I need your touch.
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134 For love, kisses, and such.
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135 With all my mind I try.
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136 But this I can’t deny.
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137 Deny.”
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138
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139 Despite all of this, you’re all I want. With all of my heart. I just want to
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140 be with you. I want to be the one to make you happy. I want to hold you close
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141 when you’re scared, to hug and kiss you when I’m lonely, and to just be there to
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142 pour all of that love inside my heart onto you. I want you to be happy above all
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143 else, but I wish... I wish I could be the one to make you happy. I wish I could be
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144 the one to receive Sakura-chan’s warm love. When you’re lonely or sad, you
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145 come to me with your problems and I try my best to soothe you. But when I’m
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146 lonely or sad, I pretend it’s fine and I go out of my way not to force them on
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147 you. I’m sorry for not telling you. But I promised myself that I’d watch out for
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148 you. Your happiness means so much to me. I can’t spoil it. I’d hate myself for
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149 ever taking a sweet smile from your lips. Sakura-chan should always be smiling.
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150 Just like I’ll always be watching. I need you, Sakura-chan. But I can’t tell you
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151 that.
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152
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153 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. (but I’m dreaming of you babe)
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154 And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling,
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155 I try to say goodbye and I choke.
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156 I try to walk away and I stumble.
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157 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
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158 My world crumbles when you are not there.
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159 Goodbye and I choke.
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160 I try to walk away and I stumble.
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161 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
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162 My world crumbles when you are not there.
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163 Goodbye and I choke.
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164 I try to walk away and I stumble.
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165 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
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166 My world crumbles when you are not there.
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167
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168 You may not notice it, but my love is always burning right there for
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169 you. It’s always there to support you with whatever you do and soothe your
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170 weary soul whenever you need it. And that will never change, no matter what
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171 lies ahead. Even if you don’t see it, even if you don’t see me, I’ll be right behind
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172 you, following your every adventure in life. I have to admit, it looks lonely on
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173 the road up ahead. But I’m sure as long as I can follow you on the road, even if I
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174 can’t travel it with you, I’ll manage somehow. I love you too much not to.
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175 You’ll always be the closest to my heart, Sakura-chan. I wish that I could be
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176 your travel mate. I could pack the bags and we could see wherever life took us.
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177 Please? I’m sure it will only be good things in store for you. But even if there
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178 were some clouds in the sky, it would be all right as long as I was with you. But
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179 I guess it can’t work that way, can it? It’s still nice to dream, though. I know it
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180 would be heaven to experience all of what life has to offer with Sakura-chan.
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181 Instead I’ll just need to content myself with the postcards I can get from you as
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182 life pulls you inexplicably towards whatever lies in store. And I’ll read them
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183 again and again, sealing whatever bit of you I can catch forever in my heart. I’ll
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184 take life’s home movies of you. So smile, Sakura-chan. And I’ll smile, too. Just
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185 please don’t look past my smile. Because I don’t think I can hide the tears
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186 forever.
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