1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/itry.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,186 @@
     1.4 +Hello! ^-^ This is a songfic about Tomoyo-chan using the song ‘I Try’ by Macy 
     1.5 +Gray. ^-^ I hope you like it! ^-^
     1.6 +
     1.7 +I Try
     1.8 +by Amazoness Duo
     1.9 +amazonessduo@hotmail.com
    1.10 +
    1.11 +
    1.12 +“Games, changes, and fears.
    1.13 +When will they go from here?
    1.14 +When will they stop?”
    1.15 +
    1.16 +	I love you so much, Sakura-chan. More than you could ever know. But 
    1.17 +you don’t see that, do you? That’s okay. I just want you to be happy. But I wish 
    1.18 +things didn’t have to take such a round about way to get there. First Tsukishiro-
    1.19 +san and then Li-kun. I wonder when things will finally slow down enough for 
    1.20 +you. I want to be the one who gets to be the focus of your love.
    1.21 +
    1.22 +“I believe that Fate has brought us here.
    1.23 +And we should be together, babe.
    1.24 +But we’re not.”
    1.25 +
    1.26 +	From the first day we met, I’ve been so in love with my beautiful 
    1.27 +Sakura-chan. And my love for you has only grown stronger throughout the 
    1.28 +years, through all that we’ve been through. I’ve been keeping it inside, watching 
    1.29 +you from a distance. I’m right there, but you don’t see me. But I’m happy to 
    1.30 +watch. To watch and love you from afar. But sometimes... Sometimes I want 
    1.31 +you to notice me. More than just a blush for a few seconds when I say 
    1.32 +something embarrassing. I want you to look at me. To look at me the way I look 
    1.33 +at you. But that’s silly. You would never look at me that way with those 
    1.34 +shimmering emerald eyes. Would you?
    1.35 +
    1.36 +“I play it off but I’m dreaming of you.
    1.37 +And I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feeling,
    1.38 +I try to say goodbye and I choke
    1.39 +I try to walk away and I stumble.
    1.40 +Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
    1.41 +My world crumbles when you are not there.
    1.42 +Goodbye and I choke.
    1.43 +I try to walk away and I stumble.
    1.44 +Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
    1.45 +My world crumbles when you are not there.”
    1.46 +
    1.47 +	Sakura-chan is so genki, and sweet, and gentle, and shy, and perfect. 
    1.48 +How could I not fall in love with you? It’s just impossible. There’s no way I 
    1.49 +could spend so much time with you and not feel my heart flutter whenever 
    1.50 +you’re near me. Your friendship means everything to me. It fills my soul with 
    1.51 +joy just to be able to spend an afternoon with my dear Sakura-chan. I couldn’t 
    1.52 +risk affecting our friendship, even if I think you’d be accepting of my love for 
    1.53 +you. My love for you will never change. I’ll always love you, even if I can’t be 
    1.54 +with you. So I pretend it’s nothing. I hide behind my cheerful wall, not letting 
    1.55 +anything affect me. At least not that you can see. But it does hurt. Being around 
    1.56 +you so often, but never being able to tell you, to let you know that every beat of 
    1.57 +my heart murmurs your name throughout my body. I tell myself that I’ll be 
    1.58 +happy as long as you are, but I don’t think I can ever be happy without you. But 
    1.59 +maybe if I know you’re happy, I can be content with that thought. Because I’ll 
    1.60 +never stop loving you. It’s so difficult to keep up the charade sometimes. Seeing 
    1.61 +you blush at my comments or just wearing one of my costumes is almost 
    1.62 +unbearable. I just want to let it slip for a moment. I want to hug you and kiss you 
    1.63 +and tell you how much my heart yearns for you every waking moment. That 
    1.64 +cutely costumed Sakuras haunt my dreams. But I have to keep silent, always 
    1.65 +smiling. For you.
    1.66 +
    1.67 +“I may appear to be free.
    1.68 +But I’m just a prisoner.
    1.69 +Of your love.”
    1.70 +
    1.71 +	You think I’m happier than I am. That I’m stronger than I am. But 
    1.72 +that’s okay. Because I wouldn’t want to worry you with what’s hiding beneath 
    1.73 +the surface. It’s not your fault that you don’t see it. I hide it from you because I 
    1.74 +think it’s better that way. Maybe when you’re older I can explain everything and 
    1.75 +we’ll both laugh about how I would fawn over you and you wouldn’t even 
    1.76 +notice. And I’ll dress you up in a cute wedding dress and you still won’t notice. I 
    1.77 +have hinted a little heavily sometimes, but you can hardly be expected to notice. 
    1.78 +You’re very busy with the Cards and school and friends. Besides, I always 
    1.79 +found that denseness about you to be rather cute. I find everything about you 
    1.80 +cute. I stay silent about my feelings because I love you. I will do everything I 
    1.81 +can to make you happy because I love you. Sometimes it hurts so much that I 
    1.82 +want to break down and cry, but I know I can’t slip in front of you. It would be 
    1.83 +so much easier to let it all go, but I know that that’s impossible. The red string of 
    1.84 +fate has me bound eternally to you, Sakura-chan.
    1.85 +
    1.86 +“And I may seem all right.
    1.87 +And smile when you leave.
    1.88 +But my smiles are just a front.
    1.89 +Just a front.”
    1.90 +
    1.91 +	I try not to give you any reasons to worry about me. You already have 
    1.92 +enough to worry about without taking into consideration my feelings. I wouldn’t 
    1.93 +want to burden you anymore than you already are. And I would take all of that 
    1.94 +off your shoulders if I could. But you really do make a wonderful Card Mistress, 
    1.95 +so maybe I’d leave that... I have to have some reason to get you into cute 
    1.96 +costumes, after all. So I try not to let you see when I’m sad or when I’m hurting. 
    1.97 +Because I need you to be happy, even if I can’t be. I can’t stand to see Sakura-
    1.98 +chan sad, especially on my behalf. I’ll keep catching that smiling face on 
    1.99 +videotape so that I can watch it whenever I’m down. But even then, part of me 
   1.100 +wishes that you could see past my fake smiles and cheerful voice to the pain 
   1.101 +deep inside. I wish that you could know, even though it would hurt me 
   1.102 +immensely to force that upon you. So please don’t look past my smiles, Sakura-
   1.103 +chan. Because I know yours are real. And I can watch those shining smiles over 
   1.104 +and over again, letting them warm my lonely heart. 
   1.105 +
   1.106 +“I play it off but I’m dreaming of you.
   1.107 +And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling,
   1.108 +I try to say goodbye and I choke.
   1.109 +I try to walk away and I stumble.
   1.110 +Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
   1.111 +My world crumbles when you are not there.
   1.112 +Goodbye and I choke.
   1.113 +I try to walk away and I stumble.
   1.114 +Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
   1.115 +My world crumbles when you are not there.”
   1.116 +
   1.117 +	Sometimes it’s so hard to keep it up. My knees go weak and my heart 
   1.118 +pounds in my chest and my vision blurs. Everything disappears but you. And I 
   1.119 +try so hard to keep up the illusion that I’m perfectly all right. That there’s 
   1.120 +nothing to worry about. But I want nothing more than to hold your hand. To 
   1.121 +gaze into those deep, jade eyes of yours. To look forever into Sakura-chan. Do 
   1.122 +you know how that feels? To feel so completely and utterly in love with 
   1.123 +someone that your body won’t listen to you? That they’re the only thing in your 
   1.124 +entire world? To borrow from you, Sakura-chan, everything is just ‘hanyaa’. It’s 
   1.125 +perfect. But I barely manage to keep up my mask. I say something embarrassing 
   1.126 +to you that you almost immediately shrug off and I’m back to where I was. No, I 
   1.127 +want to cry. Because my feelings have nowhere to go. I can’t pour them out to 
   1.128 +you the way I want to. I just have to pretend they’re not there so I won’t risk 
   1.129 +anything. And you ignore my hints and comments. So I go back home and watch 
   1.130 +my precious Sakura-chan. Hours and hours and hours of you on videotape, 
   1.131 +doing almost anything imaginable. But it’s not you. And it’s a poor substitute 
   1.132 +for you. But it’s all I have. 
   1.133 +
   1.134 +“Here is my confession.
   1.135 +May I be your possession.
   1.136 +Boy, I need your touch.
   1.137 +For love, kisses, and such.
   1.138 +With all my mind I try.
   1.139 +But this I can’t deny.
   1.140 +Deny.”
   1.141 +
   1.142 +	Despite all of this, you’re all I want. With all of my heart. I just want to 
   1.143 +be with you. I want to be the one to make you happy. I want to hold you close 
   1.144 +when you’re scared, to hug and kiss you when I’m lonely, and to just be there to 
   1.145 +pour all of that love inside my heart onto you. I want you to be happy above all 
   1.146 +else, but I wish... I wish I could be the one to make you happy. I wish I could be 
   1.147 +the one to receive Sakura-chan’s warm love. When you’re lonely or sad, you 
   1.148 +come to me with your problems and I try my best to soothe you. But when I’m 
   1.149 +lonely or sad, I pretend it’s fine and I go out of my way not to force them on 
   1.150 +you. I’m sorry for not telling you. But I promised myself that I’d watch out for 
   1.151 +you. Your happiness means so much to me. I can’t spoil it. I’d hate myself for 
   1.152 +ever taking a sweet smile from your lips. Sakura-chan should always be smiling. 
   1.153 +Just like I’ll always be watching. I need you, Sakura-chan. But I can’t tell you 
   1.154 +that. 
   1.155 +
   1.156 +“I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. (but I’m dreaming of you babe)
   1.157 +And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling,
   1.158 +I try to say goodbye and I choke.
   1.159 +I try to walk away and I stumble.
   1.160 +Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
   1.161 +My world crumbles when you are not there.
   1.162 +Goodbye and I choke.
   1.163 +I try to walk away and I stumble.
   1.164 +Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
   1.165 +My world crumbles when you are not there.
   1.166 +Goodbye and I choke.
   1.167 +I try to walk away and I stumble.
   1.168 +Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.
   1.169 +My world crumbles when you are not there.
   1.170 +
   1.171 +	You may not notice it, but my love is always burning right there for 
   1.172 +you. It’s always there to support you with whatever you do and soothe your 
   1.173 +weary soul whenever you need it. And that will never change, no matter what 
   1.174 +lies ahead. Even if you don’t see it, even if you don’t see me, I’ll be right behind 
   1.175 +you, following your every adventure in life. I have to admit, it looks lonely on 
   1.176 +the road up ahead. But I’m sure as long as I can follow you on the road, even if I 
   1.177 +can’t travel it with you, I’ll manage somehow. I love you too much not to. 
   1.178 +You’ll always be the closest to my heart, Sakura-chan.  I wish that I could be 
   1.179 +your travel mate. I could pack the bags and we could see wherever life took us. 
   1.180 +Please? I’m sure it will only be good things in store for you. But even if there 
   1.181 +were some clouds in the sky, it would be all right as long as I was with you. But 
   1.182 +I guess it can’t work that way, can it? It’s still nice to dream, though. I know it 
   1.183 +would be heaven to experience all of what life has to offer with Sakura-chan. 
   1.184 +Instead I’ll just need to content myself with the postcards I can get from you as 
   1.185 +life pulls you inexplicably towards whatever lies in store. And I’ll read them 
   1.186 +again and again, sealing whatever bit of you I can catch forever in my heart. I’ll 
   1.187 +take life’s home movies of you. So smile, Sakura-chan. And I’ll smile, too. Just 
   1.188 +please don’t look past my smile. Because I don’t think I can hide the tears 
   1.189 +forever.