Hello! ^-^ This is a songfic about Tomoyo-chan using the song ‘I Try’ by Macy 

 Gray. ^-^ I hope you like it! ^-^

 

 I Try

 by Amazoness Duo

 amazonessduo@hotmail.com

 

 

 “Games, changes, and fears.

 When will they go from here?

 When will they stop?”

 

 	I love you so much, Sakura-chan. More than you could ever know. But 

 you don’t see that, do you? That’s okay. I just want you to be happy. But I wish 

 things didn’t have to take such a round about way to get there. First Tsukishiro-

 san and then Li-kun. I wonder when things will finally slow down enough for 

 you. I want to be the one who gets to be the focus of your love.

 

 “I believe that Fate has brought us here.

 And we should be together, babe.

 But we’re not.”

 

 	From the first day we met, I’ve been so in love with my beautiful 

 Sakura-chan. And my love for you has only grown stronger throughout the 

 years, through all that we’ve been through. I’ve been keeping it inside, watching 

 you from a distance. I’m right there, but you don’t see me. But I’m happy to 

 watch. To watch and love you from afar. But sometimes... Sometimes I want 

 you to notice me. More than just a blush for a few seconds when I say 

 something embarrassing. I want you to look at me. To look at me the way I look 

 at you. But that’s silly. You would never look at me that way with those 

 shimmering emerald eyes. Would you?

 

 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you.

 And I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feeling,

 I try to say goodbye and I choke

 I try to walk away and I stumble.

 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.

 My world crumbles when you are not there.

 Goodbye and I choke.

 I try to walk away and I stumble.

 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.

 My world crumbles when you are not there.”

 

 	Sakura-chan is so genki, and sweet, and gentle, and shy, and perfect. 

 How could I not fall in love with you? It’s just impossible. There’s no way I 

 could spend so much time with you and not feel my heart flutter whenever 

 you’re near me. Your friendship means everything to me. It fills my soul with 

 joy just to be able to spend an afternoon with my dear Sakura-chan. I couldn’t 

 risk affecting our friendship, even if I think you’d be accepting of my love for 

 you. My love for you will never change. I’ll always love you, even if I can’t be 

 with you. So I pretend it’s nothing. I hide behind my cheerful wall, not letting 

 anything affect me. At least not that you can see. But it does hurt. Being around 

 you so often, but never being able to tell you, to let you know that every beat of 

 my heart murmurs your name throughout my body. I tell myself that I’ll be 

 happy as long as you are, but I don’t think I can ever be happy without you. But 

 maybe if I know you’re happy, I can be content with that thought. Because I’ll 

 never stop loving you. It’s so difficult to keep up the charade sometimes. Seeing 

 you blush at my comments or just wearing one of my costumes is almost 

 unbearable. I just want to let it slip for a moment. I want to hug you and kiss you 

 and tell you how much my heart yearns for you every waking moment. That 

 cutely costumed Sakuras haunt my dreams. But I have to keep silent, always 

 smiling. For you.

 

 “I may appear to be free.

 But I’m just a prisoner.

 Of your love.”

 

 	You think I’m happier than I am. That I’m stronger than I am. But 

 that’s okay. Because I wouldn’t want to worry you with what’s hiding beneath 

 the surface. It’s not your fault that you don’t see it. I hide it from you because I 

 think it’s better that way. Maybe when you’re older I can explain everything and 

 we’ll both laugh about how I would fawn over you and you wouldn’t even 

 notice. And I’ll dress you up in a cute wedding dress and you still won’t notice. I 

 have hinted a little heavily sometimes, but you can hardly be expected to notice. 

 You’re very busy with the Cards and school and friends. Besides, I always 

 found that denseness about you to be rather cute. I find everything about you 

 cute. I stay silent about my feelings because I love you. I will do everything I 

 can to make you happy because I love you. Sometimes it hurts so much that I 

 want to break down and cry, but I know I can’t slip in front of you. It would be 

 so much easier to let it all go, but I know that that’s impossible. The red string of 

 fate has me bound eternally to you, Sakura-chan.

 

 “And I may seem all right.

 And smile when you leave.

 But my smiles are just a front.

 Just a front.”

 

 	I try not to give you any reasons to worry about me. You already have 

 enough to worry about without taking into consideration my feelings. I wouldn’t 

 want to burden you anymore than you already are. And I would take all of that 

 off your shoulders if I could. But you really do make a wonderful Card Mistress, 

 so maybe I’d leave that... I have to have some reason to get you into cute 

 costumes, after all. So I try not to let you see when I’m sad or when I’m hurting. 

 Because I need you to be happy, even if I can’t be. I can’t stand to see Sakura-

 chan sad, especially on my behalf. I’ll keep catching that smiling face on 

 videotape so that I can watch it whenever I’m down. But even then, part of me 

 wishes that you could see past my fake smiles and cheerful voice to the pain 

 deep inside. I wish that you could know, even though it would hurt me 

 immensely to force that upon you. So please don’t look past my smiles, Sakura-

 chan. Because I know yours are real. And I can watch those shining smiles over 

 and over again, letting them warm my lonely heart. 

 

 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you.

 And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling,

 I try to say goodbye and I choke.

 I try to walk away and I stumble.

 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.

 My world crumbles when you are not there.

 Goodbye and I choke.

 I try to walk away and I stumble.

 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.

 My world crumbles when you are not there.”

 

 	Sometimes it’s so hard to keep it up. My knees go weak and my heart 

 pounds in my chest and my vision blurs. Everything disappears but you. And I 

 try so hard to keep up the illusion that I’m perfectly all right. That there’s 

 nothing to worry about. But I want nothing more than to hold your hand. To 

 gaze into those deep, jade eyes of yours. To look forever into Sakura-chan. Do 

 you know how that feels? To feel so completely and utterly in love with 

 someone that your body won’t listen to you? That they’re the only thing in your 

 entire world? To borrow from you, Sakura-chan, everything is just ‘hanyaa’. It’s 

 perfect. But I barely manage to keep up my mask. I say something embarrassing 

 to you that you almost immediately shrug off and I’m back to where I was. No, I 

 want to cry. Because my feelings have nowhere to go. I can’t pour them out to 

 you the way I want to. I just have to pretend they’re not there so I won’t risk 

 anything. And you ignore my hints and comments. So I go back home and watch 

 my precious Sakura-chan. Hours and hours and hours of you on videotape, 

 doing almost anything imaginable. But it’s not you. And it’s a poor substitute 

 for you. But it’s all I have. 

 

 “Here is my confession.

 May I be your possession.

 Boy, I need your touch.

 For love, kisses, and such.

 With all my mind I try.

 But this I can’t deny.

 Deny.”

 

 	Despite all of this, you’re all I want. With all of my heart. I just want to 

 be with you. I want to be the one to make you happy. I want to hold you close 

 when you’re scared, to hug and kiss you when I’m lonely, and to just be there to 

 pour all of that love inside my heart onto you. I want you to be happy above all 

 else, but I wish... I wish I could be the one to make you happy. I wish I could be 

 the one to receive Sakura-chan’s warm love. When you’re lonely or sad, you 

 come to me with your problems and I try my best to soothe you. But when I’m 

 lonely or sad, I pretend it’s fine and I go out of my way not to force them on 

 you. I’m sorry for not telling you. But I promised myself that I’d watch out for 

 you. Your happiness means so much to me. I can’t spoil it. I’d hate myself for 

 ever taking a sweet smile from your lips. Sakura-chan should always be smiling. 

 Just like I’ll always be watching. I need you, Sakura-chan. But I can’t tell you 

 that. 

 

 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. (but I’m dreaming of you babe)

 And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling,

 I try to say goodbye and I choke.

 I try to walk away and I stumble.

 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.

 My world crumbles when you are not there.

 Goodbye and I choke.

 I try to walk away and I stumble.

 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.

 My world crumbles when you are not there.

 Goodbye and I choke.

 I try to walk away and I stumble.

 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear.

 My world crumbles when you are not there.

 

 	You may not notice it, but my love is always burning right there for 

 you. It’s always there to support you with whatever you do and soothe your 

 weary soul whenever you need it. And that will never change, no matter what 

 lies ahead. Even if you don’t see it, even if you don’t see me, I’ll be right behind 

 you, following your every adventure in life. I have to admit, it looks lonely on 

 the road up ahead. But I’m sure as long as I can follow you on the road, even if I 

 can’t travel it with you, I’ll manage somehow. I love you too much not to. 

 You’ll always be the closest to my heart, Sakura-chan.  I wish that I could be 

 your travel mate. I could pack the bags and we could see wherever life took us. 

 Please? I’m sure it will only be good things in store for you. But even if there 

 were some clouds in the sky, it would be all right as long as I was with you. But 

 I guess it can’t work that way, can it? It’s still nice to dream, though. I know it 

 would be heaven to experience all of what life has to offer with Sakura-chan. 

 Instead I’ll just need to content myself with the postcards I can get from you as 

 life pulls you inexplicably towards whatever lies in store. And I’ll read them 

 again and again, sealing whatever bit of you I can catch forever in my heart. I’ll 

 take life’s home movies of you. So smile, Sakura-chan. And I’ll smile, too. Just 

 please don’t look past my smile. Because I don’t think I can hide the tears 

 forever.