Mercurial > moonlitnights
comparison old/stories/itry.txt @ 2:fc00894c1d4a moonlitnights
[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author | rlm |
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date | Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500 |
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1 Hello! ^-^ This is a songfic about Tomoyo-chan using the song ‘I Try’ by Macy | |
2 Gray. ^-^ I hope you like it! ^-^ | |
3 | |
4 I Try | |
5 by Amazoness Duo | |
6 amazonessduo@hotmail.com | |
7 | |
8 | |
9 “Games, changes, and fears. | |
10 When will they go from here? | |
11 When will they stop?” | |
12 | |
13 I love you so much, Sakura-chan. More than you could ever know. But | |
14 you don’t see that, do you? That’s okay. I just want you to be happy. But I wish | |
15 things didn’t have to take such a round about way to get there. First Tsukishiro- | |
16 san and then Li-kun. I wonder when things will finally slow down enough for | |
17 you. I want to be the one who gets to be the focus of your love. | |
18 | |
19 “I believe that Fate has brought us here. | |
20 And we should be together, babe. | |
21 But we’re not.” | |
22 | |
23 From the first day we met, I’ve been so in love with my beautiful | |
24 Sakura-chan. And my love for you has only grown stronger throughout the | |
25 years, through all that we’ve been through. I’ve been keeping it inside, watching | |
26 you from a distance. I’m right there, but you don’t see me. But I’m happy to | |
27 watch. To watch and love you from afar. But sometimes... Sometimes I want | |
28 you to notice me. More than just a blush for a few seconds when I say | |
29 something embarrassing. I want you to look at me. To look at me the way I look | |
30 at you. But that’s silly. You would never look at me that way with those | |
31 shimmering emerald eyes. Would you? | |
32 | |
33 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. | |
34 And I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feeling, | |
35 I try to say goodbye and I choke | |
36 I try to walk away and I stumble. | |
37 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. | |
38 My world crumbles when you are not there. | |
39 Goodbye and I choke. | |
40 I try to walk away and I stumble. | |
41 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. | |
42 My world crumbles when you are not there.” | |
43 | |
44 Sakura-chan is so genki, and sweet, and gentle, and shy, and perfect. | |
45 How could I not fall in love with you? It’s just impossible. There’s no way I | |
46 could spend so much time with you and not feel my heart flutter whenever | |
47 you’re near me. Your friendship means everything to me. It fills my soul with | |
48 joy just to be able to spend an afternoon with my dear Sakura-chan. I couldn’t | |
49 risk affecting our friendship, even if I think you’d be accepting of my love for | |
50 you. My love for you will never change. I’ll always love you, even if I can’t be | |
51 with you. So I pretend it’s nothing. I hide behind my cheerful wall, not letting | |
52 anything affect me. At least not that you can see. But it does hurt. Being around | |
53 you so often, but never being able to tell you, to let you know that every beat of | |
54 my heart murmurs your name throughout my body. I tell myself that I’ll be | |
55 happy as long as you are, but I don’t think I can ever be happy without you. But | |
56 maybe if I know you’re happy, I can be content with that thought. Because I’ll | |
57 never stop loving you. It’s so difficult to keep up the charade sometimes. Seeing | |
58 you blush at my comments or just wearing one of my costumes is almost | |
59 unbearable. I just want to let it slip for a moment. I want to hug you and kiss you | |
60 and tell you how much my heart yearns for you every waking moment. That | |
61 cutely costumed Sakuras haunt my dreams. But I have to keep silent, always | |
62 smiling. For you. | |
63 | |
64 “I may appear to be free. | |
65 But I’m just a prisoner. | |
66 Of your love.” | |
67 | |
68 You think I’m happier than I am. That I’m stronger than I am. But | |
69 that’s okay. Because I wouldn’t want to worry you with what’s hiding beneath | |
70 the surface. It’s not your fault that you don’t see it. I hide it from you because I | |
71 think it’s better that way. Maybe when you’re older I can explain everything and | |
72 we’ll both laugh about how I would fawn over you and you wouldn’t even | |
73 notice. And I’ll dress you up in a cute wedding dress and you still won’t notice. I | |
74 have hinted a little heavily sometimes, but you can hardly be expected to notice. | |
75 You’re very busy with the Cards and school and friends. Besides, I always | |
76 found that denseness about you to be rather cute. I find everything about you | |
77 cute. I stay silent about my feelings because I love you. I will do everything I | |
78 can to make you happy because I love you. Sometimes it hurts so much that I | |
79 want to break down and cry, but I know I can’t slip in front of you. It would be | |
80 so much easier to let it all go, but I know that that’s impossible. The red string of | |
81 fate has me bound eternally to you, Sakura-chan. | |
82 | |
83 “And I may seem all right. | |
84 And smile when you leave. | |
85 But my smiles are just a front. | |
86 Just a front.” | |
87 | |
88 I try not to give you any reasons to worry about me. You already have | |
89 enough to worry about without taking into consideration my feelings. I wouldn’t | |
90 want to burden you anymore than you already are. And I would take all of that | |
91 off your shoulders if I could. But you really do make a wonderful Card Mistress, | |
92 so maybe I’d leave that... I have to have some reason to get you into cute | |
93 costumes, after all. So I try not to let you see when I’m sad or when I’m hurting. | |
94 Because I need you to be happy, even if I can’t be. I can’t stand to see Sakura- | |
95 chan sad, especially on my behalf. I’ll keep catching that smiling face on | |
96 videotape so that I can watch it whenever I’m down. But even then, part of me | |
97 wishes that you could see past my fake smiles and cheerful voice to the pain | |
98 deep inside. I wish that you could know, even though it would hurt me | |
99 immensely to force that upon you. So please don’t look past my smiles, Sakura- | |
100 chan. Because I know yours are real. And I can watch those shining smiles over | |
101 and over again, letting them warm my lonely heart. | |
102 | |
103 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. | |
104 And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling, | |
105 I try to say goodbye and I choke. | |
106 I try to walk away and I stumble. | |
107 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. | |
108 My world crumbles when you are not there. | |
109 Goodbye and I choke. | |
110 I try to walk away and I stumble. | |
111 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. | |
112 My world crumbles when you are not there.” | |
113 | |
114 Sometimes it’s so hard to keep it up. My knees go weak and my heart | |
115 pounds in my chest and my vision blurs. Everything disappears but you. And I | |
116 try so hard to keep up the illusion that I’m perfectly all right. That there’s | |
117 nothing to worry about. But I want nothing more than to hold your hand. To | |
118 gaze into those deep, jade eyes of yours. To look forever into Sakura-chan. Do | |
119 you know how that feels? To feel so completely and utterly in love with | |
120 someone that your body won’t listen to you? That they’re the only thing in your | |
121 entire world? To borrow from you, Sakura-chan, everything is just ‘hanyaa’. It’s | |
122 perfect. But I barely manage to keep up my mask. I say something embarrassing | |
123 to you that you almost immediately shrug off and I’m back to where I was. No, I | |
124 want to cry. Because my feelings have nowhere to go. I can’t pour them out to | |
125 you the way I want to. I just have to pretend they’re not there so I won’t risk | |
126 anything. And you ignore my hints and comments. So I go back home and watch | |
127 my precious Sakura-chan. Hours and hours and hours of you on videotape, | |
128 doing almost anything imaginable. But it’s not you. And it’s a poor substitute | |
129 for you. But it’s all I have. | |
130 | |
131 “Here is my confession. | |
132 May I be your possession. | |
133 Boy, I need your touch. | |
134 For love, kisses, and such. | |
135 With all my mind I try. | |
136 But this I can’t deny. | |
137 Deny.” | |
138 | |
139 Despite all of this, you’re all I want. With all of my heart. I just want to | |
140 be with you. I want to be the one to make you happy. I want to hold you close | |
141 when you’re scared, to hug and kiss you when I’m lonely, and to just be there to | |
142 pour all of that love inside my heart onto you. I want you to be happy above all | |
143 else, but I wish... I wish I could be the one to make you happy. I wish I could be | |
144 the one to receive Sakura-chan’s warm love. When you’re lonely or sad, you | |
145 come to me with your problems and I try my best to soothe you. But when I’m | |
146 lonely or sad, I pretend it’s fine and I go out of my way not to force them on | |
147 you. I’m sorry for not telling you. But I promised myself that I’d watch out for | |
148 you. Your happiness means so much to me. I can’t spoil it. I’d hate myself for | |
149 ever taking a sweet smile from your lips. Sakura-chan should always be smiling. | |
150 Just like I’ll always be watching. I need you, Sakura-chan. But I can’t tell you | |
151 that. | |
152 | |
153 “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. (but I’m dreaming of you babe) | |
154 And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling, | |
155 I try to say goodbye and I choke. | |
156 I try to walk away and I stumble. | |
157 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. | |
158 My world crumbles when you are not there. | |
159 Goodbye and I choke. | |
160 I try to walk away and I stumble. | |
161 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. | |
162 My world crumbles when you are not there. | |
163 Goodbye and I choke. | |
164 I try to walk away and I stumble. | |
165 Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. | |
166 My world crumbles when you are not there. | |
167 | |
168 You may not notice it, but my love is always burning right there for | |
169 you. It’s always there to support you with whatever you do and soothe your | |
170 weary soul whenever you need it. And that will never change, no matter what | |
171 lies ahead. Even if you don’t see it, even if you don’t see me, I’ll be right behind | |
172 you, following your every adventure in life. I have to admit, it looks lonely on | |
173 the road up ahead. But I’m sure as long as I can follow you on the road, even if I | |
174 can’t travel it with you, I’ll manage somehow. I love you too much not to. | |
175 You’ll always be the closest to my heart, Sakura-chan. I wish that I could be | |
176 your travel mate. I could pack the bags and we could see wherever life took us. | |
177 Please? I’m sure it will only be good things in store for you. But even if there | |
178 were some clouds in the sky, it would be all right as long as I was with you. But | |
179 I guess it can’t work that way, can it? It’s still nice to dream, though. I know it | |
180 would be heaven to experience all of what life has to offer with Sakura-chan. | |
181 Instead I’ll just need to content myself with the postcards I can get from you as | |
182 life pulls you inexplicably towards whatever lies in store. And I’ll read them | |
183 again and again, sealing whatever bit of you I can catch forever in my heart. I’ll | |
184 take life’s home movies of you. So smile, Sakura-chan. And I’ll smile, too. Just | |
185 please don’t look past my smile. Because I don’t think I can hide the tears | |
186 forever. |