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rlm@0
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1 (ns rlm.meditations)
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2
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3 (defn ten-times
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4 "Why do people have to argue so much? I feel so alone and
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5 angry. Clojure helps me to calm down. Just today I went to pour
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6 house, and al through the walk, there was so much negativity. Most
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7 of this comes from Mike, I think. He himself feels insecure
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8 because Duncan and Acrefoot were talking about inodes and he didn't
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9 know what they were. Duncan was talking about a ray tracer which
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10 would be able to cmompute new frames in real time. I thought that
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11 sounded neat, but I don't think 20 cores would be enough to really
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12 get it right.. You probably need a whole separate computer
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13 archeticture to actualy do it, like the ray tracing FPGA setup that
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14 some peoplle in 6.375 made last semester. When we gmade it to Pour
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15 House, there seemed to be some event going on. We went downstairs
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16 and found that it was Amnesty International, MIT division, holding a
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17 petition for the conditional release of some journalists from
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18 somewhere. The girl wwho introduced us to the program was drunk.
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19 There were no tables, bbut the bar was mostly empty. I suggested
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20 to Mike that we might sit at the bar, but he said that that would
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21 kill the experience for him since then we would be unable to talk to
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22 everyone eexcept those next to us. Then he told me that If I wanted
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23 t sit down that I could just do that. He was saying that I didn't
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24 care about anything but food and that it woI wasn't really part of
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25 the group anyway, so it was really just up to me wherever I wanted
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26 to sit. I found this to be very cruel and was sad. He didn't even
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27 realize that he made me sad, which means he can't put himself in my
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28 shoes even a bit. Then he got into an argument with acrefoot about
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29 whether there was a croud above us or not. Acrefood had not
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30 nnoticed the croud when we walked in, so he thought we might go up
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31 thereand see if we could get a table. Mike kept arguing about which
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32 way was the front or back of the store because he didn't remember
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33 the orientation of the upper level after we walked down the stairs.
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34 ThBoth men were missing something that the other knew, but the
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35 difference between acrefoot and Mike was that Mike in every word he
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36 said was trying to put acrefoot down and belittle his intelligence
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37 by arguing with him, while acrefoot tried to explain which way was
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38 the front many times whithout changing the subject. Finally
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39 acrefoot found out about the croud, but by that time, he was
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40 upsetand wanted to go up to the upper level anyway just to get away
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41 from Mike. I wanted to go too and said so. Mike dismissively said
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42 that it was OK to go up if we wanted, and I started to follow
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43 acrefoot to the stairs. But then acrefoot asked Chris if he wanted
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44 to go with him. Am I invisible or something? Acrefood did not mean
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45 this out of malice, he just literally din't see me and so asked
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46 chris. Still, this made me feel bad because I was already feeling
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47 bad. Acrefoot and I went upstairs and found that the croud which was
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48 there prevented us from getting a seat. We went back down and there
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49 was Mike, sitting at a table that had just cleared. People started
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50 to sit down at the table, and then Duncan sat next to Mike and
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51 l positioned his body in such a way that he took up the remainder of
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52 the three person booth seat. Yen-yu told him to move but he acted
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53 like he couldn't hear her. I was standing right next to him and
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54 obviously (to me and most people) wating for my seat, but he would
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55 not move. This is Duncan being his normal mildly-autustic self. I
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56 can't blame him for it, as he just gets so focoused sometimes that
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57 he doesn't know how to deal with people. I have some of the same
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58 problems. I like Duncan, but what he did made me feel sad even
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59 more, because I was already feeling upset at his point. With three
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60 random acts of meanness and inconsiderateness behind me and nothing
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61 that good to look forward to, I just left. I didn't feel like
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62 talking to anyone anymore, but wanted to be by myself. I hate how
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63 Mike dismisses me, how his personality is alined to casual meanness,
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64 and how he doesn't even have enough self reflection to know when he
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65 is hurting others. I hope that he matures more and becomes a very
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66 nice person, but I worry about him. I think I think about him too
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67 much.. I'm becomming more widthdrawsn from interacting with these
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68 nerds with half-baked social programming. It's hard living with
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69 people who can casually just ithrow insults at you that would
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70 demand a fight anywhere else. Where people can ignore you if they
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71 think you're less intelligent than they are. I don't like it on
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72 tetazoo. I don't like myself, and I don't like the people here, so
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73 what am I supposed to do? I have to learn to deal or remove myself
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74 from this situation. I think I'd be sad if I was all alone, though.
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75 I left the resturant. I just didn't want to talk t o anyone
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76 anymore. I wanted to be alone. I whish Dylan was here, or even
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77 anothere copy of myself to talk to. I'm so lonely.. They've gotten
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78 into my head. When I type that last sentence, I hear \"oh, the poor
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79 buy is sad, no one loves him. you're not good enough to be loved.\"
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80 That part of me is not helpful. It's echos of people being mean to
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81 me in the past. If I was here to talk to, what would I say? I
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82 would say, 'what's stopping you from just finding a new life, or
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83 just being they type of person that people like and who gets along
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84 wwith everyone?
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85 I'd like to do this but it's so hard to just do a 180 on my
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86 emotions.. As I was walking down the street, I overheard arguing
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87 people and happy people in equal measure. At the time all I
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88 processed were the angry , arguing people, but the goodness was
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89 there too. So, it's just a matter of who you hang out with? Maybe
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90 the clojure community can be ,y community? At least I have one good
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91 friend in Pablo. Dylan is good but he's far away and has a mountain
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92 of his owwn problems he has to work through before he can do
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93 anything with me..I feel lame, because I've been around critical
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94 people for too long. I want to change, become more affable, but I
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95 don't know how. What should I do now? I think I'll go swimming.
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96 But, I don't think they'll let me actually go. I loaned my ID card
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97 to pablo.
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98 This is an experiment in nested closures that makes a function that
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99 must be called ten times to yield its value. It reminds me of
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100 taylor aproximations to a sin wave, which are only accurate for a
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101 finite stretch of the reals, but that stretch can be made as long
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102 as you want by adding more terms."
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103 []
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104 (let [count 10
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105 return (fn return [n]
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106 (if (= n 0) "the end"
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107 (fn [] (return (dec n)))))]
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108 (return (dec count))))
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109
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110 (defn onion [f n] (if (zero? n) f (recur (fn[]f) (dec n))))
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111
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112 (defn onion++[f n] (if (zero? n) f (recur (fn[& _]f) (dec n))))
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113
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114 (defn onion+ [f n] (reduce (fn [f _] (fn [] f)) f (range n)))
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115
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116 (defn onion-n [n f] (onion f n))
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117
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118
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119 (defn ttt [f & knocks]
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120 (
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121 (cond (empty? knocks) f
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122 (
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123
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124
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125 (defn onion++ [f & knocks]
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126 (let[forever-onion (fn g[& _]g)]
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127 (reduce (fn [g knock]
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128 (fn[& args] (if (=(first args) knock) g forever-onion)))
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129 f knocks)))
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130
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131
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132
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133 (defn treasure
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134 ([X n]
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135 (fn[& args]
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136 (let [k (count args)]
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137 (cond
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138 (< k n) (println "It's to your right!")
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139 (> k n) (println "It's to your left!")
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140 (= k n) (do (println "Apply force here to dig!") (delay X))))))
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141 ([X n & ns]
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142 (apply treasure (treasure X n) ns)))
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143
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144
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145 (def X (treasure "I'm treasure!" 5 3 2 6))
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146 (defn soln []
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147 (force ((force ((force ((force (X 1 1 1 1 1 1 ))1 1 )) 1 1 1)) 1 1 1 1 1 ) ))
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148
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149
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150 (defn onion* [f n]
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151 (if (zero? n)
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152 f
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153 (fn [] (onion* f (dec n)))))
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154
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155
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