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author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
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1 ---------------------------------------------
2 Conjure Me 1/1
3 by Meredith Bronwen Mallory
4 mallorys-girl@cinci.rr.com
5 ---------------------------------------------
8 DECEMBER 5th 2009
11 They walked hand in hand; though hers was cold as ice to him and she found
12 his to be uncomfortably sweaty. Heat rising from a swamp, ready to smother.
13 Her hands were strong, well formed and colored like light brushing against
14 a peach. Capable. Somehow, Sakura felt all that go away, when he wrapped
15 his calloused fingers around her hand; she thought perhaps he was drawing
16 the magic out of her, a little bit at a time. That was silly, of course;
17 they were just holding hands. Boyfriend and girlfriend, walking out under
18 the cold winter stars as their breaths released in little clouds. Snow
19 whirled about, caught in her auburn hair and pressed against her red coat
20 with the golden buttons. She laughed and, taking the opportunity to
21 disengage her hand, ran ahead, twirling when she reached a fork in the
22 path. Head tilted back, she opened her mouth like a child waiting for a
23 spoonful of powered sugar. The moon was a pale sliver, the delicate
24 crescent of a fingertip.
28 Tomoyo blazed before her eyes, an inadvertent thought, but somehow more
29 real. The moon was a bright distant point of light in her best friendıs fey
30 eyes. She thought about last night, Tomoyoıs soft, cool hand in Sakuraıs
31 own, smiling as they turned and turned, making the world move on their own
32 axis. Then, rather than falling apart, they had pulled together and sunken
33 to their knees in the soft snow. Hands coming together, Tomoyoıs face
34 pillowed on Sakuraıs shoulder. And then, for some reason, Sakura buried her
35 face in her best friendıs hair, lost in an endless river of ebony and
36 violet.
40 ³Hoe,² a soft, incredulous breath, coming in time with the color rising to
41 her cheeks. She realized belatedly that she had been standing still for
42 quite some time, and now Syaoran stood ahead of her waiting. Flashing him
43 an apologetic smile, she hurried to catch up. A cloud draped itself over
44 the moon, making the shapes in the park less familiar. When Sakura was
45 close enough, Syaoran took her hand again.
46 ³Letıs do something different tonight,² Syaoran suggested, turning to
47 Sakura with eyes that looked empty in the moonlight.
48 ³Nani? What do you mean?² absently, she looked at her watch. The hand and
49 shadow fell to nine oıclock.
50 ³I donıt know,² he said in a tone that meant he did, ³Do you want to come
51 to my apartment? You could call your dad, tell him youıll be a little
52 late.² There was something, something in her chest, dark and slithering.
53 She didnıt know what it was.
54 ³Alright,² her voice was quiet. They continued in a different direction,
55 still holding hands.
56 She was sixteen years old.
59 ~
62 Tomoyo walked carefully in the snow, feeling transported. Trees rose
63 against the star-filled sky, looking like twisted, polished question marks.
64 Not even the lights of the city could change the strange, alien feeling
65 that dipped like a scythe against her ribs. The people sharing the sidewalk
66 seemed somehow more removed, colorless almost, though she told herself
67 that was only her loneliness seeping through. It bled like that, spreading
68 outward like a flower, anti-survival, pulling thorns inward. Shivering,
69 Tomoyo pulled her coat and moon-spangled scarf closer. Her dress, long and
70 red velvet, brushed against the backs of her legs, in time with the soft
71 click of her shoes. That was the rhythm, sudden and very overwheliming:
72 click - clack, click- clack, click - clack. Up beat, down beat. She paused,
73 oblivious to the pedestrians that pushed around her. Slim, china-white
74 fingers pressed against her temples, massaging there for a moment before
75 she continued onward. She thought about Sakura; Sakuraıs hair sliding
76 through the brush, Sakuraıs slim shoulders encased in green that matched
77 her eyes. Sakura, smiling, saying she had a date with Syaoran tonight, but
78 tomorrow she would take Tomoyo down town and theyıd have fun shopping.
81 Yesterday with Sakura, walking through a corridor of ebony trees, snow
82 dripping off their branches like strings of glass beads. They had not
83 seemed like question marks then, but rather totems raised for Sakura,
84 supporting a palace that had never been built. The wind had moved around
85 the two of them like a river current, rising against Tomoyoıs cheek bones--
86 a longed-for touch-- pushing the clouds across the moon and then away
87 again. Sakura had turned towards Tomoyo, smiling, her emerald eyes like the
88 depths of the ocean in the darkness. Glory had pushed up through Tomoyo
89 then, sung in her veins, and as always there was no where for it to go. It
90 cycled through her, refined each time it passed through her heart, the same
91 as the blood in her veins. Her throat tightened miserably, all the words
92 that tangled there seemed stupid and inexpressive. Sheıd searched Sakuraıs
93 face for understanding, some hint of... there were no words for what she
94 was looking for. Her hands had gripped Sakuraıs and then, by some unspoken
95 agreement, they began to turn, round and round, never getting anywhere, but
96 pulling in towards each other. When they fell to the ground, Tomoyo had
97 laid her head on her friendıs shoulder, gripping the other girlıs coat with
98 hands that felt like they would break.
99 Sheıd said, ³Sakura...²
102 ³Silly, jealous girl,² she murmured to herself. She forced herself to see
103 Sakura, happy and smiling on her wedding day, veil thrown over her face
104 like whatever it was that kept her from seeing the truth. Syaoran would
105 stand just-so beside her, not smiling because he never smiled, but still
106 looking like he was happy, looking like he would take care of Sakura. And
107 herself, somewhere in the background; the one who organized everything, the
108 one who wiped tears off Sakura's face when she said she was scared and
109 didn't know if she could go through with the wedding. Always, Tomoyo held
110 this vision out to herself, but whether it was a promise or a threat even
111 she didn't know. Presently, the wind pushed the snow against her in a gush,
112 like the tiny frozen wings of butterflies. Tomoyo breathed deeply, and the
113 pinch of the scythe became just a little bit stronger.
116 ~
118 Her coat was tossed haphazardly in the easy chair, her shoes --black
119 patenleather with dainty straps-- sat patiently like twin dogs beside
120 Syaoran's thick sneakers. Sakura saw none of these things, but later she
121 would remember the placement of everything in the room as one remembers the
122 stillness of the world before a tornado. She waited for the windows to blow
123 inward, glass shards like knives ready to cut to the quick. Instead, the
124 color simply drained from the room; no more blue sofa, brown coffee-table,
125 green carpet, black-yellow-brown-blue-red pictures of relatives from China.
126 Only Syaoran's hands retained their color, looking somehow like menacing
127 claws as they hang suspended before her chest.
128 "Ano..." he said, and his hands shook with the words. She realized she
129 hadn't been looking at his face. How strange this felt, like someone else's
130 life. He wanted her to say something, but there didn't seem to be anything
131 inside her anymore-- not even a voice. Wasn't she supposed to feel like she
132 was flying, like she was going to come apart if he didn't touch her and
133 kiss her? Wasn't that in all the movies and the books and the pictures of
134 pretty shoujo heroines in the final panels of manga? This was it, the rose
135 petals would fall across the screen, the hero and heroine would tumble
136 gracefully onto the bed, like dancers. Perhaps, she thought, it takes a
137 little while to build up. So she lifted her lips like she did when she
138 smiled and nodded her head. He moved his fingers to the neckline of her
139 dress-- the pink one with the red ribbons that Tomoyo had made-- and
140 carefully slipped a button loose while he made a little breathy noise that
141 sounded like "Sakura" or the brush of dried leaves on cold stone.
144 Tomoyo had laid her head on Sakura's shoulder, lips pressed into Sakura's
145 scarf as she breathed words there. There was something rhythmic to it, an
146 ancient chant, and Tomoyo's body had moved with it, arms snaking around
147 Sakura's waist.
148 "Daijobu?" Sakura could not remember asking the question, but a small
149 flower of warm air bloomed in the cold, and Tomoyo's body stiffened, so she
150 must have said something like that.
151 "I want to tell you something," Tomoyo had said, "I want to..." Her breath
152 had shuddered, even as Sakura stroked her hair, "but I can't."
153 "Naze?" a little broken word. Tomoyo slipped gracefully from Sakura's
154 arms, her violet-ebony hair falling about her like folded wings. She smiled
155 and it looked painful, and her body was like something that could not be
156 held. Fragility. There was steel underneath, though; it was the color of
157 Tomoyo's eyes. She offered her hand, white as the moon on snow, and helped
158 Sakura stand.
159 One of them said, "let's go get something to eat"; as if nothing had
160 happened.
163 Now they were moving towards the bedroom, Syaoran lifting Sakura into his
164 arms. Her legs were polished and long-- too long, apparently-- and she had
165 a hard time shifting her weight against Syaoran's chest. He was down to his
166 boxers, she clad only in the creamy silk shift with its lace of growing,
167 virginal flowers.
169 ~
171 Tomoyo tested out a smile, looking at the reflection of her face in the
172 display window. Behind her ethereal image, there cookies, pies and delicate
173 pastries, festive and brightly lit. The smile faltered, then died
174 altogether as Tomoyo attempted to brush away the warm image that rose like
175 a seductress from a bed of silk. Her mind held out the possibility,
176 impossibility, of a table spanned with candles and good food, set before
177 herself and Sakura as they reclined in one another's arms. Her mask
178 crumbled momentarily, her mouth pouted and her eyes closed to hold back
179 tears, but it was gone so quickly that Tomoyo was able to tell herself it
180 hadn't happened. Her heart fluttered weakly within its cage, its protests
181 lost as she pushed the thoughts from her mind. Things that happened without
182 Sakura were in parentheses, and there for didn't count. Instead, Tomoyo
183 turned on her heel and headed into the shop, entering with the cold breeze
184 as her fanfare. She didn't even noticed as her blood ebbed more slowly in
185 her veins.
187 ~
190 It took only three of Syaoran's heavy steps down the hallway and they were
191 there, poised in the threshold of his room. She tried to smile up at him,
192 but he wasn't even looking at her, and when he tried to move he ended up
193 ramming her hip into the doorframe. Now he was looking at her, lukewarm
194 brown eyes narrowing in concern. Sakura bit her lip so hard she tasted her
195 own bitter wine, but muttered a 'don't worry' to his apology. He put her
196 down on the bed, moving her legs so that they were uncrossed, situating her
197 like a china doll. His hands, big, calloused and sweaty, reached for the
198 hem of her slip, lifting it ever so slightly before she cried out.
200 ~
202 "Can I get you something, miss?"
203 "Just a cup of tea, with honey, and..." Tomoyo raised her hand
204 instinctively to cover her mouth, then coughed delicately into the white
205 fabric on her palm. She put her hand down quickly, "and a few of those
206 chocolate chip cookies." The tea was in a little china cup lined with gold,
207 the cookies laid on a paper doily; three of them. Syaoran and Sakura and
208 Tomoyo. She carried them carefully to a little round table, crossing her
209 legs as she sat, trying to quell another cough. Raising the cup to her
210 lips, she thought of a dress design like poetry, seams fitting together in
211 careful black, green and gold, silently complimenting the depths of
212 Sakura's shadowed, jungle eyes. Another idea swept away the last, this time
213 a great embroidered gold dragon curling about Sakura's neck line. The
214 images were vivid, making her fingers itch, so that Tomoyo did not see the
215 blood she coughed up into her glove.
217 ~
220 Syaoran's eyes were narrowed until it looked like he couldn't see anything
221 at all, but Sakura kept her face determined and her hands hard as she
222 loosened his grip on the slip.
223 "Something wrong?" His words were blunt, cutting.
224 "Iie..," Sakura shook her fire-brown locks, "but we can do..." there were
225 words for it, of course, but she somehow couldn't bring herself to use any
226 of them, "without taking this off."
227 "Alright," he said, and she smiled because she somehow wanted to protect
228 herself from him. In the next moment, she turned her lips down, remembering
229 the long monologues of praise in the romance novels-- how the heroine
230 wanted her man to have everything of her, that she wanted to share with
231 him, her whole self. She couldn't hold onto it, any of it, so detached was
232 she. Syaoran took off his boxers, dropping them beside the bed; she slipped
233 off her underwear then tossed them, trying to be decadent, to celebrate her
234 loss, and the white scrap of cloth flew through the air like a kamikaze
235 bird.
239 'Someone', Tomoyo thought suddenly, wildly, 'is ripping me open and sewing
240 me back up'. An ill tide rose in her being, so swift and powerful that all
241 at once she couldn't remember what it was like to not have pain. There was
242 pain, everywhere, the bright, functional needles of a sewing machine.
245 His breathing was the sound of metal on metal, sword on sword. Sakura
246 moved backwards, feeling the pillows pressing into her back, hands offering
247 her up for sacrifice. Syaoran's nails were rough on her skin, cutting
248 without leaving a mark. Now the pillows would give way no more and her head
249 was pressed against the merciless wall. She had a sudden, insane image of
250 her mother like this: cornered and crying inside.
251 "This isn't it," Sakura imaged her saying, her long hair moving to cover
252 her body in vain, "this isn't, isn't it."
256 She was being pressed in the gears, drawn out like a piece of thread and
257 pinned down again and again. Tomoyo's pretty, gloved hands rose, like the
258 fluttering of doves wings, to touch her burning cheeks. She felt the damp
259 palm of her right fingers, looked down to see them colored in red. As if
260 Sakura had kissed them with lipstick, her traitorous mind supplied. A sound
261 devoid of happiness burst from Tomoyo's lungs; she laughed because she knew
262 she was dying, knew that Sakura would never touch her and now and forever
263 there was really no chance. Strange, how she'd never really admitted it.
266 Sakura said the words, over and over; "this isn't it, this isn't it". They
267 were heavy on her tongue and quick to fly, she was crying without shedding
268 any tears.
269 Syaoran said, "I'm not going to hurt you." As if he hadn't already.
272 Tomoyo's laugh rose, filled the small cafe until she felt the gazes of
273 strangers slithering over her body. Biting down on her lip and swallowing
274 her voice, she tasted her own blood and a touch of the ocean. Salt water;
275 her tears. Fingers, stained and trembling felt against her face as though
276 she was a blind woman. The world blurred and blurred with her pain (God,
277 she didn't even know what was happening), and at last the beating of her
278 lungs forced her to open her mouth. Tomoyo coughed, and blood fell from her
279 lips like grotesque rain.
284 Now the glass did break; windows pushing inward like bubbles released from
285 a child's summer hand. The shards flew wildly, vengeful faeries, and Sakura
286 reared back, watching Syaoran lift his arms in defense. She slipped past
287 him like she was made of nothing.
288 "Tomoyo," she whispered, so pained that she could not remember ever having
289 happiness. The new red kisses of blood on her skin and the crimson river
290 falling between her legs did not concern her, instead she raised her hands
291 to hold the emptiness tearing through her body like a tiger; she looked in
292 Syaoran's dull brown eyes and saw fear there.
293 'You!' she wanted to scream, to pour accusation on him, but Sakura was too
294 full of her own sick guilt to blame anyone else. Instead, she turned and
295 fled, silken camisole moving against her body like a dozen concerned hands.
296 Down the stairs, her bare fee pounding mercilessly until they were too numb
297 to feel the cold as she ran into the winter night. It was as if someone had
298 taken her hands, was leading her, and indeed she ran with them
299 outstretched, ignorant of her final destination. The star-key dropped
300 against her chest in time with her heart beat, ringing against her ribcage
301 with finality. Then her hand was on a cold metal bar-- she was pushing open
302 a glass door and hurrying into a place filled with bright lights and the
303 sound of Tomoyo dying. Pushing through the crowd with hands that chilled
304 all she moved aside, Sakura saw her best friend laid out of the blue and
305 gold and white pattern tile, a sprawled and broken china doll. She was on
306 her knees without thinking about it, Tomoyo's pale form closed within her
307 arms. The still girl stirred, turning her wide snow-touched star-light eyes
308 on the Card mistress, and Sakura almost cried; for Tomoyo's face was
309 filled with joy at seeing her.
310 "Sa..." Tomoyo's labored breathing swallowed the rest of the sound. Her
311 eyes slipped closed momentarily as sheer red flowed to her lips. They were
312 in a sea of red, Sakura realized, their blood mingling and staining
313 everything around them.
314 "Tomoyo-chan," Sakura managed, holding the other girl's delicate fingers.
315 "Don't die," she said the dark-haired girl's name over and over again, as
316 if the chant could call her back into her body. "I'm so sorry. I was trying
317 to be something I'm not...," Sakura breathed in her tears until her throat
318 hurt with them, "Forgive me, I'll make it up to you."
319 "I told you to," Tomoyo's smile was pale as coral, but it was real; the
320 pieces of Sakura's heart dove in their own suicide to realize just how much
321 of a facade her friend's happiness had been. In death's gentle embrace, her
322 eyes were filled with unconditional love, "I said to Sakura-chan, 'Li-kun
323 loves you'. It's my fault." The words buried themselves in Sakura-- it was
324 the truth when neither of them knew it. Tomoyo's soft, cool hand was
325 against Sakura's cheek, and then tracing softly over her lips. "And I," she
326 managed to raise her head, lips so close to her friend that he Card
327 mistress more felt the confession than heard it;
329 "And I love Sakura."
332 ==============
334 DECEMBER 6th 2009
337 It was snowing again, falling through the window and collecting in
338 Sakura's lap. She knelt in her pajamas on the window seat, watching the
339 moon move through the clouds and feeling the cold slowly work is way into
340 her veins. The light behind her was dim, coloring her room a brown antique
341 photo; and the shadows seemed to move when they thought she wasn't looking.
342 "Sakura," Cerberus' two fine saber teeth lodged in her shirt, trying to
343 pull her away from the window; she only loosened his grip and absently
344 stroked his golden coat, barely registering sensation. A soft knock at the
345 door; no response, then a shaft of light annihilating the darkness.
346 "Imouto-chan..." this from another voice, and Sakura raised her head just
347 barely to meet her brother's gaze. Touya held the phone in his hand,
348 towards her and away from him. "It's Sonomi-san. She wants to talk to you."
349 Sakura allowed the phone to be placed in her still hands, her green eyes
350 like emerald windows that had been pulled tightly closed against the world.
351 "Ano..." Touya said, "Syaoran was here, earlier. I told him to come back
352 later."
353 For a moment, Sakura moved her lips without sound, before her voice
354 sounded like the high string on a cello-- sweet, but strangely low. "When
355 he comes again," she seemed ageless, eternity shivering by the window,
356 "tell him he knows why I will not see him, and shall never see him again.
357 Tell him I give him no blame, that it is not his fault. Tell him, also, to
358 go home and marry Meiling, that he might keep his honor and make her
359 happy." She turned her hand away, gazing at he bright round buttons of the
360 telephone, before raising it to her ear. Touya stood for a moment, stunned
361 by the chill in his little sister's eyes and voice, before pressing his
362 wide hand against her shoulder and retreating.
364 For a moment, there was only breathing on the line.
365 "Konbanwa, Sonomi-san," Sakura said, pressing her free hand to her mouth,
366 swallowing sob after sob.
367 "Oh, Sakura-chan," the voice of Tomoyo's mother was soothing and
368 discomforting at once. "I wanted to ask you, could you... would you please
369 speak at Tomoyo's funeral tomorrow?" Tears came like static on the line,
370 "She did love you so... I think it would make her happy."
371 "Of course, Sonomi-san," Sakura drew in a breath that caught in her
372 throat, "I would be honored. Tomoyo is..," her eyes closed to combat the
373 truth, "was so... very precious to me."
374 "Hai," they were both crying now, words distorted and raw, "There are
375 things here I think she would want you to have."
376 "I can't take anything from you, Sonomi-san," Sakura said honestly, her
377 hands fisting in Cerberus' fur. The seal beast rested his head in her lap,
378 making small feline noises of comfort. "Tomoyo was your daughter-- you
379 should have her things."
380 "But she would have wanted you to have something," Sonomi insisted, "She
381 cared about you so much." Sakura felt sure she'd been cut, sliced from
382 breast bone o navel with hurt. <What can I say?> she wondered. She wanted
383 to tell Sonomi the truth, to say, 'it is my hand that caused your
384 daughter's death-- it was I who loved her, and with my unconscious magic
385 bound her to me. It was also I who betrayed her with another, and killed
386 her.' Sakura strained her eyes in the dim light, focusing on the row of
387 dolls near her bed. She gazed at an ebony-haired, silken-bronze clad doll
388 with a suddenly watery memory of a smile; the doll has been a gift from
389 Tomoyo.
390 Drawing a breath, she whispered into the phone; "I will take only what you
391 want me to have."
392 "Thank you," said the older woman, "Sakura-chan, if you need to talk, I am
393 here. When my Nadeshiko died, I should have liked to have had someone to
394 confide in... I am here if you need me."
395 Sakura bit her lip, "You are in so much pain, and yet yu're trying to ease
396 mine. I hope I can return the favor."
397 "Just go on to be whatever it is Sakura is destined to be," the tiny,
398 disembodied voice entreated, "Tomoyo-chan wanted to see you shine."
399 It was a while before Sakura could speak past the blinding agony, "I will.
400 I promise. Good night, Sonomi-san."
401 "Good night, and thank you," the other voice returned, before the air was
402 still and dead. Sakura held the phone in both hands, looking down into
403 Cerberus' deep brown eyes.
405 "I did kill her, didn't I, Kero-chan?" Sakura's voice was soulless.
406 "You didn't mean to," the seal beast insisted.
407 "No," a sigh, "Everyone said to me, 'Syaoran loves you', and so I thought
408 I must love him too. I wanted so badly not to disappoint anyone. But..."
409 Sakura flung the phone away, watching it slide across the hard-wood floor
410 and spiral there. "I loved Tomoyo. I *love* Tomoyo," she breathed in the
411 present tense and all the hope it held. "I never let myself realize, I was
412 so scared of disappointing everyone."
413 "You were given a power you don't understand," Cerberus pointed out, "How
414 were you to know that your love for her bound you together?"
415 "I'm the one that cut the cord! Why did I go with Syaoran?" Sakura reached
416 blindly for the doll Tomoyo had given her, "The whole time I was there, I
417 knew everything was wrong. If I had left, or said no, Tomoyo-chan would
418 still be alive." Slowly, Sakura climbed to her feet, approaching her desk
419 on shaky legs. Her hands traced the rich cover of the book of Clow, and
420 Sakura Cards resting within. "Now I see why Clow wanted to be rid of this
421 power." Her hand reached for the small over-head lamp as she opened the
422 book, eyes roaming over the beautiful illustrations of power; all beautiful
423 lines and careful coloring. The thought was so sudden that Sakura stood
424 with the force of it, feeling the world fall away beneath her feet. "Clow
425 cheated Death," she murmured.
426 "Hai," said Cerberus without thinking. A low tiger chuckle emerged between
427 his teeth, "Death came to see Clow, once or twice. Knocked on the door--
428 nice and polite," he smiled at the memory, "but Clow was the most powerful
429 sorcerer ever. He only died when he was tired of his power." The seal beast
430 gazed at Sakura, suddenly aware of the present, "The most powerful
431 sorcerer, save you of course."
432 "I had never thought about living forever," Sakura's words drifted, "or
433 close to forever, anyway." She turned the pages of the book, faster and
434 faster until it was the sound of birds rustling. With awe, she touched over
435 the beautiful faces of the Light and the Dark, "I can save her."
436 Cerberus stared at his Mistress for a moment, before venturing, "You'll
437 have wait, a very long time."
438 "I can learn to wait," Sakura murmured. Her hand was on the key, which
439 swiftly became her staff; she was bounding towards the open window. Her
440 toes touched the windowsill and she leapt out into the night with the Fly
441 card giving her staff wings. Raising her eyes to the moon, Sakura cried her
442 happiness. Tomoyo had waited so long for her, without ever expecting
443 fulfillment-- could not Sakura do the same?
448 The mortician had curled Tomoyo's hair loosely, draping the deep lavender
449 near the girl's neck to cover the scars from the autopsy. Reverently,
450 Sakura touched the corpse's pale cheek, feeling the void left by Tomoyo's
451 soul. Without the shimmer of the girl inside, the body was husk, a poor
452 imitation. With a hiss, she bit her lip, remembering what the doctors had
453 officially reported. A rare disease-- the collection of blood in the lungs.
454 Tomoyo had drowned to death in her own blood; but the doctors didn't know
455 the real reason why. A sob locked in Sakura's throat; Tomoyo didn't look
456 like she was sleeping, or even alive at all, only empty, empty. Moving the
457 lid of the casket away, Sakura reached for her key.
458 "Oh key that holds the power of the Stars," she chanted, hanging ont the
459 words with her sanity, "reveal to me thy true form. By the pledge between
460 us, Sakura doth command! RELEASE!" The breeze settled, and Sakura felt
461 oddly alone-- always, Tomoyo had been by her side, taping and observing her
462 magic. Swallowing her sickness, she lifted the first of the cards.
463 "CREATE-- make for me a box worthy of holding Tomoyo's heart!" A deep
464 breath, and she set the new silver chest aside. "FREEZE-- keep Tomoyo's
465 body young forever!" Finally, she raised her right hand high, "SWORD!"
466 With her eyes firmly fixed on the empty visage of her beautiful best
467 friend, Sakura lifted the sword.
468 "I love you, Tomoyo."
469 And she drove the blade in next to Tomoyo's heart.
473 =================
475 DECEMBER 5th, 2109
476 Tomoeda, Japan
478 Once, the area had been the site of an amusement park in bright colored
479 plastics, with children laughing loud into the wind. Before that-- though
480 no one in Tomoeda had a memory extending that far-- an old, towering
481 mansion had rested on the land. Now both were long gone, bull-dozed in turn
482 for progress, and for some twenty years, wild vines and trees had retaken
483 the place. The earth easily forgets humanity. In recent years, it had
484 become the site of a new building project that had the citizens of Tomoeda
485 talking; even the children that climbed the old and faded King Penguin had
486 whispered amongst each other. Gradually, a house seemed to grow from the
487 ground; yellow, with a porch that circled it and turrets as fine for any
488 castle. It became the home of a rich young heiress by the name of Kinomoto
489 Sakura, and if there had ever been another young girl with bright green
490 eyes, a cheerful spirit and whispering brown hair... well, there was no one
491 around to remember her. She looked not a day over sixteen, this young
492 woman, though she insisted she was twenty-two, and as far as anyone knew,
493 she lived in the house by herself. Sometimes, people said they heard voices
494 drifting down from the house, but that was just talk. At first, the towns
495 people resented Kinomoto-san in a way, but she gave generously to the
496 drill team and cheer-leading club at the elementary school, and she seemed
497 to love the town as much as they did. Gradually, she became a regular
498 fixture, and people felt free to wave or greet her on the street. However,
499 only children really seemed at ease with her; perhaps because, despite her
500 powerful baring, she was still so much a child herself.
505 It was there on the calendar in thick, neat Kanji, some of it spilling
506 over into the next neatly lined square.
507 "December 5th," Cerberus read what his mistress had written, standing on
508 his hunches to see, "Tomoyo died. Please come back, Tomoyo." The name was
509 in friendly Hirigana, a little school-girl style heart draw cradled in the
510 'to'. "Todays the day," he said, padding across the kitchen tile towards
511 his companion, "Think she'll realize it when she wakes up?"
512 Perched on a stool near the counter, Yue tossed a lock of moon-white hair
513 and snorted, "Of course she knows, my furry friend. As if she hasn't been
514 watching the calendar like a hawk."
515 "Hai, hai," there was a flash, and Cerberus flitted into his smaller form,
516 alighting on Yue's shoulder. "I'm just a little worried, though. She hasn't
517 even mentioned it."
518 Yue rolled his eyes, "This is a very big thing-- very personal. She's
519 probably nervous. I think maybe we should..."
520 "Ohayo, Yue-san," the Card Mistress' voice rang clear in the cool winter
521 kitchen. She smiled just a little bit, standing in the doorway with the
522 rainbow lights of the sun catcher playing over her body. With a practiced
523 air, she plucked Cerberus from the air, "Ohayo, Kero-chan." Ignoring the
524 looks her friends gave her, Sakura padded towards the cupboard, pulling on
525 her silken pajama top. Cutlery and china began to chime together-- the
526 sounds of breakfast being made.
527 "Ohayo, Sakura-sama," Yue offered, stretching his wings and barely
528 managing not to over turn the stool. "Kero-chan and I were just talking. We
529 thought perhaps we would let you have the house to yourself today and check
530 out the old haunts-- the temple, the park..."
531 "Hey," Kero back stroked in the air, "As long as we buy some of that
532 really good Pocky from the corner store, I'm happy." Yue batted at him
533 absently, watching as his Mistress turned away from the oven. There were
534 tears back-lighted emerald by her eyes, just barely swimming over her
535 lashes.
536 "Arigato, Yue-san," her smile was gentle and thankful, "That's very kind
537 of you."
538 "Don't mention it," Kero accepted the small pancakes Sakura offered out,
539 "It was my idea." Expertly, he dodged Yue's hand, holding out a slice of
540 pancake to the young man.
541 "I detest food," Yue returned, before turning back to Sakura, "Anyway, I
542 think we'll go right now." Sakura nodded softly and watched her two
543 companions drift out into the hallway. A moment later, she heard the door
544 close, and her body slumped against the counter. Gathering her strength,
545 she moved to sit at the table, picking at her food with a hopeless,
546 disinterested chop-sticks. Around her, the world was a comfortable new day
547 yellow-- outside the window, the sun touched the morning sky opal, and the
548 bare trees rose beautiful. Finally, Sakura pushed herself away from the
549 table and moved towards the back door on unsteady legs.
551 Outside, the winter are was crisp and real on Sakura's skin-- she breathed
552 and watched small white air-flowers bloom. Trotting down the cobble stone
553 path, she moved into the green house, her hands touching lightly on the
554 roses, nadeshikos and lilies that grew there. In truth, she felt a little
555 silly, a little too much like Eriol-- living in her mansion house and
556 playing the recluse. She loved the people of her home town and tried to
557 mingle with them when she could, but they always seemed a little wary. As
558 she plucked a yellow rose to match the morning, Sakura supposed she didn't
559 blame them. She had left scarcely a year after Tomoyo's death, wanting her
560 memories of home to be pleasant, and not back-dropped with odd glances and
561 whispers of suspicion as she failed to age or change. She returned only
562 briefly for her father's funeral, and then for Sonomi-san's and, in the
563 mean time, she traveled. She had been to London, to New York, Paris and
564 even back to Hong Kong for the wedding of Syaoran and Meiling's
565 grand-daughter, Shaiming. Staying in one place for very long was never an
566 option, but she grew to enjoy the different landscapes of her life, all the
567 while longing for the day when the mystery aboard each boat or train or jet
568 she took would not be "who is that pretty young woman?", but "did you see
569 that beautiful pale woman and her friend? I wonder who they are". In a way,
570 she feared her hundred years of living would make her feel separate from
571 Tomoyo-- put distance between them, that they would no longer be able to be
572 friends. Still, the words of her gentle best friend ("There is no one I
573 want to be with more thn Sakura-chan") would come to her at night, and she
574 would dream of adventures for the both of them. Tomoyo had always seemed
575 ageless-- perhaps she and Sakura had finally caught up.
577 Smiling lightly, Sakura carried her armful of flowers back to the house,
578 waving at the young school girls as they passed.
579 "Ohayo, Kinomoto-san!" one voice raised itself above the rest, and the
580 owner lingered by the hedge.
581 "Good morning to you, too, Asahi-san," Sakura greeted, patting the girl's
582 ebony braids with affection, "How are you?"
583 "I'm fine," Asahi chirped, her lop-sided red winter coat making her look
584 like a robin, "You look very happy, Kinomoto-san. How are you?"
585 "I'm well," Sakura felt a slight blush, "and I am happy. A friend of mine
586 will be returning today. It has been a long time since I've seen her."
587 "Really?" Asahi enthused, "Can I meet her?"
588 "I hope so..." Sakura looked away, "though perhaps she may not want to
589 stay. I have wronged her in the past, and hope to make up to her."
590 "Why didn't you see her earlier?" the younger girl inquired.
591 "Ah," Sakura laughed, mostly at herself, "We've had to wait-- I do miss
592 her so much."
593 "Well," Asahi pressed a finger to her lip, considering, "Even if my mother
594 says you are strange, Kinomoto-san, I don't see how any one could not like
595 you. I am sure your friend will stay!"
596 "Thank you, Asahi-san," Sakura murmured, selecting a yellow rose and
597 several small white flowers from her load. "That makes me feel a lot
598 better." Handing the small bouquet over the hedge, Sakura suggested, "Why
599 don't you take these to put in your class room. It'll help brighten up
600 winter."
601 "Thank *you*, Kinomoto-san!" Asahi clasped the blooms to her heart, "It's
602 the last day before break! I can't wait! Winter break is magic!" With that,
603 the young girl turned and ran pell-mell down the street, pausing at the
604 corner to look back and wave.
605 "Don't forget to button your coat!" Sakura called after her, "It's cold
606 out!"
607 "Look who's in their nightgown!" Asahi shouted in return, giggling. Their
608 laughter rang the bare tree branches.
609 "Winter break is magic," Sakura murmured, sobering. Turning, she went back
610 into the house, knowing she could not make herself wait any longer.
613 In Tibet, Sakura had met a young woman who painted other people's sadness,
614 so that they might look at it objectively. The Card Mistress kept her
615 painting in a large, unused bedroom, mounted over a table on which stood a
616 fine silver box. The canvas was coated with both longing and beauty; it was
617 a portrait almost identical to Tomoyo, a young woman with long
618 black-lavander hair standing by a window, cloak wrapped around her and
619 gazing out to the winter sea. There were other things Sakura kept in the
620 bedroom as well. A video camera, tapes, sewing supplies, and stacks upon
621 stacks of journals and sketchbooks-- those things given to her by Sonomi
622 after Tomoyo's funeral. Without realizing she was crying, Sakura placed the
623 flowers in a vase on the nightstand, smoothing the coverlet on the bed.
624 There were fine velvet draps over the windows, rows of beautiful dolls on
625 the wall, waiting for an owner. On the dresser, there were baubles of every
626 kind, jewlery and trinkets selected for someone special. All these things,
627 Sakura had collected, always thinking of Tomoyo-- and yet, now all she
628 wanted was to run through the street with her friend, to play ring around
629 the rosy in the park and fall down upon each other.
631 "Oh, key that hides the power of the stars," Sakura began, lifting the lid
632 of the silver box and gazing in on the thing preserved so perfectly in ice.
633 A heart, the most perfect one-- for it was Tomoyo's. "I call upon Dark and
634 Light, I call upon Life! Give form to the woman who's heart has waited so
635 long! Give life to someone who was robbed of it so young! I call upon the
636 heavens-- once more give body to the spirit of Daidouji Tomoyo!"
638 There was a moment when the room seemed terribly vacant-- as void as the
639 corpse Sakura had watched buried so long ago. Then, an impossible breeze,
640 brushing her short hair against her chin, and... Tomoyo. The pale girl
641 stood still and bare, marveling at her hands, her long arms; her hair moved
642 about her like a thing alive. Someone gasped, someone else cried out--
643 Tomoyo's gray gaze met Sakura's own.
644 "Sakura-chan," Tomoyo's voice was clear and distinct, a perfect crystal
645 note, "You brought me back. Your magic," there was a smile, and that joy
646 Sakura thought she'd never see again-- Tomoyo was happy to see her! "I
647 didn't think... after I told you..."
648 Sakura swallowed painfully, "Tomoyo-- it was my fault... it wasn't just
649 your love, it was mine!" Tears now, ringing with laughter, and still they
650 stood apart. Neither dared to touch the other, each watching, each sure her
651 hand would find a ghost. "My love tried to keep you with me. I was
652 selfish--"
653 "I wanted Sakura-chan to be happy," Tomoyo confessed, " I thought Syaoran
654 would do that for you."
655 "I know," Sakura reached out her shaking fingers, finally tangling them in
656 Tomoyo's soft hair, "It's okay. Even I didn't know what I really wanted."
657 Stepping forward, Sakura stood in the circle of Tomoyo's open arms,
658 bringing her mouth close the other girl's ear to deliver the words. A
659 whisper, "I love you, Tomoyo. Maybe we won't always be happy---"
660 "I have only wanted Sakura to be happy," Tomoyo cradled the other girl's
661 cheek, "but I would be happy, sad or anything in between with my Sakura."
662 Embracing the other woman, Sakura began to cry in earnest, pressing her
663 lips to Tomoyo's stainless palms.
666 OWARI