annotate old/stories/conjure.txt @ 4:69f0191c9016 moonlitnights tip

added error.log and access.log
author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
parents fc00894c1d4a
children
rev   line source
rlm@2 1 ---------------------------------------------
rlm@2 2 Conjure Me 1/1
rlm@2 3 by Meredith Bronwen Mallory
rlm@2 4 mallorys-girl@cinci.rr.com
rlm@2 5 ---------------------------------------------
rlm@2 6
rlm@2 7
rlm@2 8 DECEMBER 5th 2009
rlm@2 9
rlm@2 10
rlm@2 11 They walked hand in hand; though hers was cold as ice to him and she found
rlm@2 12 his to be uncomfortably sweaty. Heat rising from a swamp, ready to smother.
rlm@2 13 Her hands were strong, well formed and colored like light brushing against
rlm@2 14 a peach. Capable. Somehow, Sakura felt all that go away, when he wrapped
rlm@2 15 his calloused fingers around her hand; she thought perhaps he was drawing
rlm@2 16 the magic out of her, a little bit at a time. That was silly, of course;
rlm@2 17 they were just holding hands. Boyfriend and girlfriend, walking out under
rlm@2 18 the cold winter stars as their breaths released in little clouds. Snow
rlm@2 19 whirled about, caught in her auburn hair and pressed against her red coat
rlm@2 20 with the golden buttons. She laughed and, taking the opportunity to
rlm@2 21 disengage her hand, ran ahead, twirling when she reached a fork in the
rlm@2 22 path. Head tilted back, she opened her mouth like a child waiting for a
rlm@2 23 spoonful of powered sugar. The moon was a pale sliver, the delicate
rlm@2 24 crescent of a fingertip.
rlm@2 25
rlm@2 26
rlm@2 27
rlm@2 28 Tomoyo blazed before her eyes, an inadvertent thought, but somehow more
rlm@2 29 real. The moon was a bright distant point of light in her best friendıs fey
rlm@2 30 eyes. She thought about last night, Tomoyoıs soft, cool hand in Sakuraıs
rlm@2 31 own, smiling as they turned and turned, making the world move on their own
rlm@2 32 axis. Then, rather than falling apart, they had pulled together and sunken
rlm@2 33 to their knees in the soft snow. Hands coming together, Tomoyoıs face
rlm@2 34 pillowed on Sakuraıs shoulder. And then, for some reason, Sakura buried her
rlm@2 35 face in her best friendıs hair, lost in an endless river of ebony and
rlm@2 36 violet.
rlm@2 37
rlm@2 38
rlm@2 39
rlm@2 40 ³Hoe,² a soft, incredulous breath, coming in time with the color rising to
rlm@2 41 her cheeks. She realized belatedly that she had been standing still for
rlm@2 42 quite some time, and now Syaoran stood ahead of her waiting. Flashing him
rlm@2 43 an apologetic smile, she hurried to catch up. A cloud draped itself over
rlm@2 44 the moon, making the shapes in the park less familiar. When Sakura was
rlm@2 45 close enough, Syaoran took her hand again.
rlm@2 46 ³Letıs do something different tonight,² Syaoran suggested, turning to
rlm@2 47 Sakura with eyes that looked empty in the moonlight.
rlm@2 48 ³Nani? What do you mean?² absently, she looked at her watch. The hand and
rlm@2 49 shadow fell to nine oıclock.
rlm@2 50 ³I donıt know,² he said in a tone that meant he did, ³Do you want to come
rlm@2 51 to my apartment? You could call your dad, tell him youıll be a little
rlm@2 52 late.² There was something, something in her chest, dark and slithering.
rlm@2 53 She didnıt know what it was.
rlm@2 54 ³Alright,² her voice was quiet. They continued in a different direction,
rlm@2 55 still holding hands.
rlm@2 56 She was sixteen years old.
rlm@2 57
rlm@2 58
rlm@2 59 ~
rlm@2 60
rlm@2 61
rlm@2 62 Tomoyo walked carefully in the snow, feeling transported. Trees rose
rlm@2 63 against the star-filled sky, looking like twisted, polished question marks.
rlm@2 64 Not even the lights of the city could change the strange, alien feeling
rlm@2 65 that dipped like a scythe against her ribs. The people sharing the sidewalk
rlm@2 66 seemed somehow more removed, colorless almost, though she told herself
rlm@2 67 that was only her loneliness seeping through. It bled like that, spreading
rlm@2 68 outward like a flower, anti-survival, pulling thorns inward. Shivering,
rlm@2 69 Tomoyo pulled her coat and moon-spangled scarf closer. Her dress, long and
rlm@2 70 red velvet, brushed against the backs of her legs, in time with the soft
rlm@2 71 click of her shoes. That was the rhythm, sudden and very overwheliming:
rlm@2 72 click - clack, click- clack, click - clack. Up beat, down beat. She paused,
rlm@2 73 oblivious to the pedestrians that pushed around her. Slim, china-white
rlm@2 74 fingers pressed against her temples, massaging there for a moment before
rlm@2 75 she continued onward. She thought about Sakura; Sakuraıs hair sliding
rlm@2 76 through the brush, Sakuraıs slim shoulders encased in green that matched
rlm@2 77 her eyes. Sakura, smiling, saying she had a date with Syaoran tonight, but
rlm@2 78 tomorrow she would take Tomoyo down town and theyıd have fun shopping.
rlm@2 79
rlm@2 80
rlm@2 81 Yesterday with Sakura, walking through a corridor of ebony trees, snow
rlm@2 82 dripping off their branches like strings of glass beads. They had not
rlm@2 83 seemed like question marks then, but rather totems raised for Sakura,
rlm@2 84 supporting a palace that had never been built. The wind had moved around
rlm@2 85 the two of them like a river current, rising against Tomoyoıs cheek bones--
rlm@2 86 a longed-for touch-- pushing the clouds across the moon and then away
rlm@2 87 again. Sakura had turned towards Tomoyo, smiling, her emerald eyes like the
rlm@2 88 depths of the ocean in the darkness. Glory had pushed up through Tomoyo
rlm@2 89 then, sung in her veins, and as always there was no where for it to go. It
rlm@2 90 cycled through her, refined each time it passed through her heart, the same
rlm@2 91 as the blood in her veins. Her throat tightened miserably, all the words
rlm@2 92 that tangled there seemed stupid and inexpressive. Sheıd searched Sakuraıs
rlm@2 93 face for understanding, some hint of... there were no words for what she
rlm@2 94 was looking for. Her hands had gripped Sakuraıs and then, by some unspoken
rlm@2 95 agreement, they began to turn, round and round, never getting anywhere, but
rlm@2 96 pulling in towards each other. When they fell to the ground, Tomoyo had
rlm@2 97 laid her head on her friendıs shoulder, gripping the other girlıs coat with
rlm@2 98 hands that felt like they would break.
rlm@2 99 Sheıd said, ³Sakura...²
rlm@2 100
rlm@2 101
rlm@2 102 ³Silly, jealous girl,² she murmured to herself. She forced herself to see
rlm@2 103 Sakura, happy and smiling on her wedding day, veil thrown over her face
rlm@2 104 like whatever it was that kept her from seeing the truth. Syaoran would
rlm@2 105 stand just-so beside her, not smiling because he never smiled, but still
rlm@2 106 looking like he was happy, looking like he would take care of Sakura. And
rlm@2 107 herself, somewhere in the background; the one who organized everything, the
rlm@2 108 one who wiped tears off Sakura's face when she said she was scared and
rlm@2 109 didn't know if she could go through with the wedding. Always, Tomoyo held
rlm@2 110 this vision out to herself, but whether it was a promise or a threat even
rlm@2 111 she didn't know. Presently, the wind pushed the snow against her in a gush,
rlm@2 112 like the tiny frozen wings of butterflies. Tomoyo breathed deeply, and the
rlm@2 113 pinch of the scythe became just a little bit stronger.
rlm@2 114
rlm@2 115
rlm@2 116 ~
rlm@2 117
rlm@2 118 Her coat was tossed haphazardly in the easy chair, her shoes --black
rlm@2 119 patenleather with dainty straps-- sat patiently like twin dogs beside
rlm@2 120 Syaoran's thick sneakers. Sakura saw none of these things, but later she
rlm@2 121 would remember the placement of everything in the room as one remembers the
rlm@2 122 stillness of the world before a tornado. She waited for the windows to blow
rlm@2 123 inward, glass shards like knives ready to cut to the quick. Instead, the
rlm@2 124 color simply drained from the room; no more blue sofa, brown coffee-table,
rlm@2 125 green carpet, black-yellow-brown-blue-red pictures of relatives from China.
rlm@2 126 Only Syaoran's hands retained their color, looking somehow like menacing
rlm@2 127 claws as they hang suspended before her chest.
rlm@2 128 "Ano..." he said, and his hands shook with the words. She realized she
rlm@2 129 hadn't been looking at his face. How strange this felt, like someone else's
rlm@2 130 life. He wanted her to say something, but there didn't seem to be anything
rlm@2 131 inside her anymore-- not even a voice. Wasn't she supposed to feel like she
rlm@2 132 was flying, like she was going to come apart if he didn't touch her and
rlm@2 133 kiss her? Wasn't that in all the movies and the books and the pictures of
rlm@2 134 pretty shoujo heroines in the final panels of manga? This was it, the rose
rlm@2 135 petals would fall across the screen, the hero and heroine would tumble
rlm@2 136 gracefully onto the bed, like dancers. Perhaps, she thought, it takes a
rlm@2 137 little while to build up. So she lifted her lips like she did when she
rlm@2 138 smiled and nodded her head. He moved his fingers to the neckline of her
rlm@2 139 dress-- the pink one with the red ribbons that Tomoyo had made-- and
rlm@2 140 carefully slipped a button loose while he made a little breathy noise that
rlm@2 141 sounded like "Sakura" or the brush of dried leaves on cold stone.
rlm@2 142
rlm@2 143
rlm@2 144 Tomoyo had laid her head on Sakura's shoulder, lips pressed into Sakura's
rlm@2 145 scarf as she breathed words there. There was something rhythmic to it, an
rlm@2 146 ancient chant, and Tomoyo's body had moved with it, arms snaking around
rlm@2 147 Sakura's waist.
rlm@2 148 "Daijobu?" Sakura could not remember asking the question, but a small
rlm@2 149 flower of warm air bloomed in the cold, and Tomoyo's body stiffened, so she
rlm@2 150 must have said something like that.
rlm@2 151 "I want to tell you something," Tomoyo had said, "I want to..." Her breath
rlm@2 152 had shuddered, even as Sakura stroked her hair, "but I can't."
rlm@2 153 "Naze?" a little broken word. Tomoyo slipped gracefully from Sakura's
rlm@2 154 arms, her violet-ebony hair falling about her like folded wings. She smiled
rlm@2 155 and it looked painful, and her body was like something that could not be
rlm@2 156 held. Fragility. There was steel underneath, though; it was the color of
rlm@2 157 Tomoyo's eyes. She offered her hand, white as the moon on snow, and helped
rlm@2 158 Sakura stand.
rlm@2 159 One of them said, "let's go get something to eat"; as if nothing had
rlm@2 160 happened.
rlm@2 161
rlm@2 162
rlm@2 163 Now they were moving towards the bedroom, Syaoran lifting Sakura into his
rlm@2 164 arms. Her legs were polished and long-- too long, apparently-- and she had
rlm@2 165 a hard time shifting her weight against Syaoran's chest. He was down to his
rlm@2 166 boxers, she clad only in the creamy silk shift with its lace of growing,
rlm@2 167 virginal flowers.
rlm@2 168
rlm@2 169 ~
rlm@2 170
rlm@2 171 Tomoyo tested out a smile, looking at the reflection of her face in the
rlm@2 172 display window. Behind her ethereal image, there cookies, pies and delicate
rlm@2 173 pastries, festive and brightly lit. The smile faltered, then died
rlm@2 174 altogether as Tomoyo attempted to brush away the warm image that rose like
rlm@2 175 a seductress from a bed of silk. Her mind held out the possibility,
rlm@2 176 impossibility, of a table spanned with candles and good food, set before
rlm@2 177 herself and Sakura as they reclined in one another's arms. Her mask
rlm@2 178 crumbled momentarily, her mouth pouted and her eyes closed to hold back
rlm@2 179 tears, but it was gone so quickly that Tomoyo was able to tell herself it
rlm@2 180 hadn't happened. Her heart fluttered weakly within its cage, its protests
rlm@2 181 lost as she pushed the thoughts from her mind. Things that happened without
rlm@2 182 Sakura were in parentheses, and there for didn't count. Instead, Tomoyo
rlm@2 183 turned on her heel and headed into the shop, entering with the cold breeze
rlm@2 184 as her fanfare. She didn't even noticed as her blood ebbed more slowly in
rlm@2 185 her veins.
rlm@2 186
rlm@2 187 ~
rlm@2 188
rlm@2 189
rlm@2 190 It took only three of Syaoran's heavy steps down the hallway and they were
rlm@2 191 there, poised in the threshold of his room. She tried to smile up at him,
rlm@2 192 but he wasn't even looking at her, and when he tried to move he ended up
rlm@2 193 ramming her hip into the doorframe. Now he was looking at her, lukewarm
rlm@2 194 brown eyes narrowing in concern. Sakura bit her lip so hard she tasted her
rlm@2 195 own bitter wine, but muttered a 'don't worry' to his apology. He put her
rlm@2 196 down on the bed, moving her legs so that they were uncrossed, situating her
rlm@2 197 like a china doll. His hands, big, calloused and sweaty, reached for the
rlm@2 198 hem of her slip, lifting it ever so slightly before she cried out.
rlm@2 199
rlm@2 200 ~
rlm@2 201
rlm@2 202 "Can I get you something, miss?"
rlm@2 203 "Just a cup of tea, with honey, and..." Tomoyo raised her hand
rlm@2 204 instinctively to cover her mouth, then coughed delicately into the white
rlm@2 205 fabric on her palm. She put her hand down quickly, "and a few of those
rlm@2 206 chocolate chip cookies." The tea was in a little china cup lined with gold,
rlm@2 207 the cookies laid on a paper doily; three of them. Syaoran and Sakura and
rlm@2 208 Tomoyo. She carried them carefully to a little round table, crossing her
rlm@2 209 legs as she sat, trying to quell another cough. Raising the cup to her
rlm@2 210 lips, she thought of a dress design like poetry, seams fitting together in
rlm@2 211 careful black, green and gold, silently complimenting the depths of
rlm@2 212 Sakura's shadowed, jungle eyes. Another idea swept away the last, this time
rlm@2 213 a great embroidered gold dragon curling about Sakura's neck line. The
rlm@2 214 images were vivid, making her fingers itch, so that Tomoyo did not see the
rlm@2 215 blood she coughed up into her glove.
rlm@2 216
rlm@2 217 ~
rlm@2 218
rlm@2 219
rlm@2 220 Syaoran's eyes were narrowed until it looked like he couldn't see anything
rlm@2 221 at all, but Sakura kept her face determined and her hands hard as she
rlm@2 222 loosened his grip on the slip.
rlm@2 223 "Something wrong?" His words were blunt, cutting.
rlm@2 224 "Iie..," Sakura shook her fire-brown locks, "but we can do..." there were
rlm@2 225 words for it, of course, but she somehow couldn't bring herself to use any
rlm@2 226 of them, "without taking this off."
rlm@2 227 "Alright," he said, and she smiled because she somehow wanted to protect
rlm@2 228 herself from him. In the next moment, she turned her lips down, remembering
rlm@2 229 the long monologues of praise in the romance novels-- how the heroine
rlm@2 230 wanted her man to have everything of her, that she wanted to share with
rlm@2 231 him, her whole self. She couldn't hold onto it, any of it, so detached was
rlm@2 232 she. Syaoran took off his boxers, dropping them beside the bed; she slipped
rlm@2 233 off her underwear then tossed them, trying to be decadent, to celebrate her
rlm@2 234 loss, and the white scrap of cloth flew through the air like a kamikaze
rlm@2 235 bird.
rlm@2 236
rlm@2 237
rlm@2 238
rlm@2 239 'Someone', Tomoyo thought suddenly, wildly, 'is ripping me open and sewing
rlm@2 240 me back up'. An ill tide rose in her being, so swift and powerful that all
rlm@2 241 at once she couldn't remember what it was like to not have pain. There was
rlm@2 242 pain, everywhere, the bright, functional needles of a sewing machine.
rlm@2 243
rlm@2 244
rlm@2 245 His breathing was the sound of metal on metal, sword on sword. Sakura
rlm@2 246 moved backwards, feeling the pillows pressing into her back, hands offering
rlm@2 247 her up for sacrifice. Syaoran's nails were rough on her skin, cutting
rlm@2 248 without leaving a mark. Now the pillows would give way no more and her head
rlm@2 249 was pressed against the merciless wall. She had a sudden, insane image of
rlm@2 250 her mother like this: cornered and crying inside.
rlm@2 251 "This isn't it," Sakura imaged her saying, her long hair moving to cover
rlm@2 252 her body in vain, "this isn't, isn't it."
rlm@2 253
rlm@2 254
rlm@2 255
rlm@2 256 She was being pressed in the gears, drawn out like a piece of thread and
rlm@2 257 pinned down again and again. Tomoyo's pretty, gloved hands rose, like the
rlm@2 258 fluttering of doves wings, to touch her burning cheeks. She felt the damp
rlm@2 259 palm of her right fingers, looked down to see them colored in red. As if
rlm@2 260 Sakura had kissed them with lipstick, her traitorous mind supplied. A sound
rlm@2 261 devoid of happiness burst from Tomoyo's lungs; she laughed because she knew
rlm@2 262 she was dying, knew that Sakura would never touch her and now and forever
rlm@2 263 there was really no chance. Strange, how she'd never really admitted it.
rlm@2 264
rlm@2 265
rlm@2 266 Sakura said the words, over and over; "this isn't it, this isn't it". They
rlm@2 267 were heavy on her tongue and quick to fly, she was crying without shedding
rlm@2 268 any tears.
rlm@2 269 Syaoran said, "I'm not going to hurt you." As if he hadn't already.
rlm@2 270
rlm@2 271
rlm@2 272 Tomoyo's laugh rose, filled the small cafe until she felt the gazes of
rlm@2 273 strangers slithering over her body. Biting down on her lip and swallowing
rlm@2 274 her voice, she tasted her own blood and a touch of the ocean. Salt water;
rlm@2 275 her tears. Fingers, stained and trembling felt against her face as though
rlm@2 276 she was a blind woman. The world blurred and blurred with her pain (God,
rlm@2 277 she didn't even know what was happening), and at last the beating of her
rlm@2 278 lungs forced her to open her mouth. Tomoyo coughed, and blood fell from her
rlm@2 279 lips like grotesque rain.
rlm@2 280
rlm@2 281
rlm@2 282
rlm@2 283
rlm@2 284 Now the glass did break; windows pushing inward like bubbles released from
rlm@2 285 a child's summer hand. The shards flew wildly, vengeful faeries, and Sakura
rlm@2 286 reared back, watching Syaoran lift his arms in defense. She slipped past
rlm@2 287 him like she was made of nothing.
rlm@2 288 "Tomoyo," she whispered, so pained that she could not remember ever having
rlm@2 289 happiness. The new red kisses of blood on her skin and the crimson river
rlm@2 290 falling between her legs did not concern her, instead she raised her hands
rlm@2 291 to hold the emptiness tearing through her body like a tiger; she looked in
rlm@2 292 Syaoran's dull brown eyes and saw fear there.
rlm@2 293 'You!' she wanted to scream, to pour accusation on him, but Sakura was too
rlm@2 294 full of her own sick guilt to blame anyone else. Instead, she turned and
rlm@2 295 fled, silken camisole moving against her body like a dozen concerned hands.
rlm@2 296 Down the stairs, her bare fee pounding mercilessly until they were too numb
rlm@2 297 to feel the cold as she ran into the winter night. It was as if someone had
rlm@2 298 taken her hands, was leading her, and indeed she ran with them
rlm@2 299 outstretched, ignorant of her final destination. The star-key dropped
rlm@2 300 against her chest in time with her heart beat, ringing against her ribcage
rlm@2 301 with finality. Then her hand was on a cold metal bar-- she was pushing open
rlm@2 302 a glass door and hurrying into a place filled with bright lights and the
rlm@2 303 sound of Tomoyo dying. Pushing through the crowd with hands that chilled
rlm@2 304 all she moved aside, Sakura saw her best friend laid out of the blue and
rlm@2 305 gold and white pattern tile, a sprawled and broken china doll. She was on
rlm@2 306 her knees without thinking about it, Tomoyo's pale form closed within her
rlm@2 307 arms. The still girl stirred, turning her wide snow-touched star-light eyes
rlm@2 308 on the Card mistress, and Sakura almost cried; for Tomoyo's face was
rlm@2 309 filled with joy at seeing her.
rlm@2 310 "Sa..." Tomoyo's labored breathing swallowed the rest of the sound. Her
rlm@2 311 eyes slipped closed momentarily as sheer red flowed to her lips. They were
rlm@2 312 in a sea of red, Sakura realized, their blood mingling and staining
rlm@2 313 everything around them.
rlm@2 314 "Tomoyo-chan," Sakura managed, holding the other girl's delicate fingers.
rlm@2 315 "Don't die," she said the dark-haired girl's name over and over again, as
rlm@2 316 if the chant could call her back into her body. "I'm so sorry. I was trying
rlm@2 317 to be something I'm not...," Sakura breathed in her tears until her throat
rlm@2 318 hurt with them, "Forgive me, I'll make it up to you."
rlm@2 319 "I told you to," Tomoyo's smile was pale as coral, but it was real; the
rlm@2 320 pieces of Sakura's heart dove in their own suicide to realize just how much
rlm@2 321 of a facade her friend's happiness had been. In death's gentle embrace, her
rlm@2 322 eyes were filled with unconditional love, "I said to Sakura-chan, 'Li-kun
rlm@2 323 loves you'. It's my fault." The words buried themselves in Sakura-- it was
rlm@2 324 the truth when neither of them knew it. Tomoyo's soft, cool hand was
rlm@2 325 against Sakura's cheek, and then tracing softly over her lips. "And I," she
rlm@2 326 managed to raise her head, lips so close to her friend that he Card
rlm@2 327 mistress more felt the confession than heard it;
rlm@2 328
rlm@2 329 "And I love Sakura."
rlm@2 330
rlm@2 331
rlm@2 332 ==============
rlm@2 333
rlm@2 334 DECEMBER 6th 2009
rlm@2 335
rlm@2 336
rlm@2 337 It was snowing again, falling through the window and collecting in
rlm@2 338 Sakura's lap. She knelt in her pajamas on the window seat, watching the
rlm@2 339 moon move through the clouds and feeling the cold slowly work is way into
rlm@2 340 her veins. The light behind her was dim, coloring her room a brown antique
rlm@2 341 photo; and the shadows seemed to move when they thought she wasn't looking.
rlm@2 342 "Sakura," Cerberus' two fine saber teeth lodged in her shirt, trying to
rlm@2 343 pull her away from the window; she only loosened his grip and absently
rlm@2 344 stroked his golden coat, barely registering sensation. A soft knock at the
rlm@2 345 door; no response, then a shaft of light annihilating the darkness.
rlm@2 346 "Imouto-chan..." this from another voice, and Sakura raised her head just
rlm@2 347 barely to meet her brother's gaze. Touya held the phone in his hand,
rlm@2 348 towards her and away from him. "It's Sonomi-san. She wants to talk to you."
rlm@2 349 Sakura allowed the phone to be placed in her still hands, her green eyes
rlm@2 350 like emerald windows that had been pulled tightly closed against the world.
rlm@2 351 "Ano..." Touya said, "Syaoran was here, earlier. I told him to come back
rlm@2 352 later."
rlm@2 353 For a moment, Sakura moved her lips without sound, before her voice
rlm@2 354 sounded like the high string on a cello-- sweet, but strangely low. "When
rlm@2 355 he comes again," she seemed ageless, eternity shivering by the window,
rlm@2 356 "tell him he knows why I will not see him, and shall never see him again.
rlm@2 357 Tell him I give him no blame, that it is not his fault. Tell him, also, to
rlm@2 358 go home and marry Meiling, that he might keep his honor and make her
rlm@2 359 happy." She turned her hand away, gazing at he bright round buttons of the
rlm@2 360 telephone, before raising it to her ear. Touya stood for a moment, stunned
rlm@2 361 by the chill in his little sister's eyes and voice, before pressing his
rlm@2 362 wide hand against her shoulder and retreating.
rlm@2 363
rlm@2 364 For a moment, there was only breathing on the line.
rlm@2 365 "Konbanwa, Sonomi-san," Sakura said, pressing her free hand to her mouth,
rlm@2 366 swallowing sob after sob.
rlm@2 367 "Oh, Sakura-chan," the voice of Tomoyo's mother was soothing and
rlm@2 368 discomforting at once. "I wanted to ask you, could you... would you please
rlm@2 369 speak at Tomoyo's funeral tomorrow?" Tears came like static on the line,
rlm@2 370 "She did love you so... I think it would make her happy."
rlm@2 371 "Of course, Sonomi-san," Sakura drew in a breath that caught in her
rlm@2 372 throat, "I would be honored. Tomoyo is..," her eyes closed to combat the
rlm@2 373 truth, "was so... very precious to me."
rlm@2 374 "Hai," they were both crying now, words distorted and raw, "There are
rlm@2 375 things here I think she would want you to have."
rlm@2 376 "I can't take anything from you, Sonomi-san," Sakura said honestly, her
rlm@2 377 hands fisting in Cerberus' fur. The seal beast rested his head in her lap,
rlm@2 378 making small feline noises of comfort. "Tomoyo was your daughter-- you
rlm@2 379 should have her things."
rlm@2 380 "But she would have wanted you to have something," Sonomi insisted, "She
rlm@2 381 cared about you so much." Sakura felt sure she'd been cut, sliced from
rlm@2 382 breast bone o navel with hurt. <What can I say?> she wondered. She wanted
rlm@2 383 to tell Sonomi the truth, to say, 'it is my hand that caused your
rlm@2 384 daughter's death-- it was I who loved her, and with my unconscious magic
rlm@2 385 bound her to me. It was also I who betrayed her with another, and killed
rlm@2 386 her.' Sakura strained her eyes in the dim light, focusing on the row of
rlm@2 387 dolls near her bed. She gazed at an ebony-haired, silken-bronze clad doll
rlm@2 388 with a suddenly watery memory of a smile; the doll has been a gift from
rlm@2 389 Tomoyo.
rlm@2 390 Drawing a breath, she whispered into the phone; "I will take only what you
rlm@2 391 want me to have."
rlm@2 392 "Thank you," said the older woman, "Sakura-chan, if you need to talk, I am
rlm@2 393 here. When my Nadeshiko died, I should have liked to have had someone to
rlm@2 394 confide in... I am here if you need me."
rlm@2 395 Sakura bit her lip, "You are in so much pain, and yet yu're trying to ease
rlm@2 396 mine. I hope I can return the favor."
rlm@2 397 "Just go on to be whatever it is Sakura is destined to be," the tiny,
rlm@2 398 disembodied voice entreated, "Tomoyo-chan wanted to see you shine."
rlm@2 399 It was a while before Sakura could speak past the blinding agony, "I will.
rlm@2 400 I promise. Good night, Sonomi-san."
rlm@2 401 "Good night, and thank you," the other voice returned, before the air was
rlm@2 402 still and dead. Sakura held the phone in both hands, looking down into
rlm@2 403 Cerberus' deep brown eyes.
rlm@2 404
rlm@2 405 "I did kill her, didn't I, Kero-chan?" Sakura's voice was soulless.
rlm@2 406 "You didn't mean to," the seal beast insisted.
rlm@2 407 "No," a sigh, "Everyone said to me, 'Syaoran loves you', and so I thought
rlm@2 408 I must love him too. I wanted so badly not to disappoint anyone. But..."
rlm@2 409 Sakura flung the phone away, watching it slide across the hard-wood floor
rlm@2 410 and spiral there. "I loved Tomoyo. I *love* Tomoyo," she breathed in the
rlm@2 411 present tense and all the hope it held. "I never let myself realize, I was
rlm@2 412 so scared of disappointing everyone."
rlm@2 413 "You were given a power you don't understand," Cerberus pointed out, "How
rlm@2 414 were you to know that your love for her bound you together?"
rlm@2 415 "I'm the one that cut the cord! Why did I go with Syaoran?" Sakura reached
rlm@2 416 blindly for the doll Tomoyo had given her, "The whole time I was there, I
rlm@2 417 knew everything was wrong. If I had left, or said no, Tomoyo-chan would
rlm@2 418 still be alive." Slowly, Sakura climbed to her feet, approaching her desk
rlm@2 419 on shaky legs. Her hands traced the rich cover of the book of Clow, and
rlm@2 420 Sakura Cards resting within. "Now I see why Clow wanted to be rid of this
rlm@2 421 power." Her hand reached for the small over-head lamp as she opened the
rlm@2 422 book, eyes roaming over the beautiful illustrations of power; all beautiful
rlm@2 423 lines and careful coloring. The thought was so sudden that Sakura stood
rlm@2 424 with the force of it, feeling the world fall away beneath her feet. "Clow
rlm@2 425 cheated Death," she murmured.
rlm@2 426 "Hai," said Cerberus without thinking. A low tiger chuckle emerged between
rlm@2 427 his teeth, "Death came to see Clow, once or twice. Knocked on the door--
rlm@2 428 nice and polite," he smiled at the memory, "but Clow was the most powerful
rlm@2 429 sorcerer ever. He only died when he was tired of his power." The seal beast
rlm@2 430 gazed at Sakura, suddenly aware of the present, "The most powerful
rlm@2 431 sorcerer, save you of course."
rlm@2 432 "I had never thought about living forever," Sakura's words drifted, "or
rlm@2 433 close to forever, anyway." She turned the pages of the book, faster and
rlm@2 434 faster until it was the sound of birds rustling. With awe, she touched over
rlm@2 435 the beautiful faces of the Light and the Dark, "I can save her."
rlm@2 436 Cerberus stared at his Mistress for a moment, before venturing, "You'll
rlm@2 437 have wait, a very long time."
rlm@2 438 "I can learn to wait," Sakura murmured. Her hand was on the key, which
rlm@2 439 swiftly became her staff; she was bounding towards the open window. Her
rlm@2 440 toes touched the windowsill and she leapt out into the night with the Fly
rlm@2 441 card giving her staff wings. Raising her eyes to the moon, Sakura cried her
rlm@2 442 happiness. Tomoyo had waited so long for her, without ever expecting
rlm@2 443 fulfillment-- could not Sakura do the same?
rlm@2 444
rlm@2 445
rlm@2 446
rlm@2 447
rlm@2 448 The mortician had curled Tomoyo's hair loosely, draping the deep lavender
rlm@2 449 near the girl's neck to cover the scars from the autopsy. Reverently,
rlm@2 450 Sakura touched the corpse's pale cheek, feeling the void left by Tomoyo's
rlm@2 451 soul. Without the shimmer of the girl inside, the body was husk, a poor
rlm@2 452 imitation. With a hiss, she bit her lip, remembering what the doctors had
rlm@2 453 officially reported. A rare disease-- the collection of blood in the lungs.
rlm@2 454 Tomoyo had drowned to death in her own blood; but the doctors didn't know
rlm@2 455 the real reason why. A sob locked in Sakura's throat; Tomoyo didn't look
rlm@2 456 like she was sleeping, or even alive at all, only empty, empty. Moving the
rlm@2 457 lid of the casket away, Sakura reached for her key.
rlm@2 458 "Oh key that holds the power of the Stars," she chanted, hanging ont the
rlm@2 459 words with her sanity, "reveal to me thy true form. By the pledge between
rlm@2 460 us, Sakura doth command! RELEASE!" The breeze settled, and Sakura felt
rlm@2 461 oddly alone-- always, Tomoyo had been by her side, taping and observing her
rlm@2 462 magic. Swallowing her sickness, she lifted the first of the cards.
rlm@2 463 "CREATE-- make for me a box worthy of holding Tomoyo's heart!" A deep
rlm@2 464 breath, and she set the new silver chest aside. "FREEZE-- keep Tomoyo's
rlm@2 465 body young forever!" Finally, she raised her right hand high, "SWORD!"
rlm@2 466 With her eyes firmly fixed on the empty visage of her beautiful best
rlm@2 467 friend, Sakura lifted the sword.
rlm@2 468 "I love you, Tomoyo."
rlm@2 469 And she drove the blade in next to Tomoyo's heart.
rlm@2 470
rlm@2 471
rlm@2 472
rlm@2 473 =================
rlm@2 474
rlm@2 475 DECEMBER 5th, 2109
rlm@2 476 Tomoeda, Japan
rlm@2 477
rlm@2 478 Once, the area had been the site of an amusement park in bright colored
rlm@2 479 plastics, with children laughing loud into the wind. Before that-- though
rlm@2 480 no one in Tomoeda had a memory extending that far-- an old, towering
rlm@2 481 mansion had rested on the land. Now both were long gone, bull-dozed in turn
rlm@2 482 for progress, and for some twenty years, wild vines and trees had retaken
rlm@2 483 the place. The earth easily forgets humanity. In recent years, it had
rlm@2 484 become the site of a new building project that had the citizens of Tomoeda
rlm@2 485 talking; even the children that climbed the old and faded King Penguin had
rlm@2 486 whispered amongst each other. Gradually, a house seemed to grow from the
rlm@2 487 ground; yellow, with a porch that circled it and turrets as fine for any
rlm@2 488 castle. It became the home of a rich young heiress by the name of Kinomoto
rlm@2 489 Sakura, and if there had ever been another young girl with bright green
rlm@2 490 eyes, a cheerful spirit and whispering brown hair... well, there was no one
rlm@2 491 around to remember her. She looked not a day over sixteen, this young
rlm@2 492 woman, though she insisted she was twenty-two, and as far as anyone knew,
rlm@2 493 she lived in the house by herself. Sometimes, people said they heard voices
rlm@2 494 drifting down from the house, but that was just talk. At first, the towns
rlm@2 495 people resented Kinomoto-san in a way, but she gave generously to the
rlm@2 496 drill team and cheer-leading club at the elementary school, and she seemed
rlm@2 497 to love the town as much as they did. Gradually, she became a regular
rlm@2 498 fixture, and people felt free to wave or greet her on the street. However,
rlm@2 499 only children really seemed at ease with her; perhaps because, despite her
rlm@2 500 powerful baring, she was still so much a child herself.
rlm@2 501
rlm@2 502
rlm@2 503
rlm@2 504
rlm@2 505 It was there on the calendar in thick, neat Kanji, some of it spilling
rlm@2 506 over into the next neatly lined square.
rlm@2 507 "December 5th," Cerberus read what his mistress had written, standing on
rlm@2 508 his hunches to see, "Tomoyo died. Please come back, Tomoyo." The name was
rlm@2 509 in friendly Hirigana, a little school-girl style heart draw cradled in the
rlm@2 510 'to'. "Todays the day," he said, padding across the kitchen tile towards
rlm@2 511 his companion, "Think she'll realize it when she wakes up?"
rlm@2 512 Perched on a stool near the counter, Yue tossed a lock of moon-white hair
rlm@2 513 and snorted, "Of course she knows, my furry friend. As if she hasn't been
rlm@2 514 watching the calendar like a hawk."
rlm@2 515 "Hai, hai," there was a flash, and Cerberus flitted into his smaller form,
rlm@2 516 alighting on Yue's shoulder. "I'm just a little worried, though. She hasn't
rlm@2 517 even mentioned it."
rlm@2 518 Yue rolled his eyes, "This is a very big thing-- very personal. She's
rlm@2 519 probably nervous. I think maybe we should..."
rlm@2 520 "Ohayo, Yue-san," the Card Mistress' voice rang clear in the cool winter
rlm@2 521 kitchen. She smiled just a little bit, standing in the doorway with the
rlm@2 522 rainbow lights of the sun catcher playing over her body. With a practiced
rlm@2 523 air, she plucked Cerberus from the air, "Ohayo, Kero-chan." Ignoring the
rlm@2 524 looks her friends gave her, Sakura padded towards the cupboard, pulling on
rlm@2 525 her silken pajama top. Cutlery and china began to chime together-- the
rlm@2 526 sounds of breakfast being made.
rlm@2 527 "Ohayo, Sakura-sama," Yue offered, stretching his wings and barely
rlm@2 528 managing not to over turn the stool. "Kero-chan and I were just talking. We
rlm@2 529 thought perhaps we would let you have the house to yourself today and check
rlm@2 530 out the old haunts-- the temple, the park..."
rlm@2 531 "Hey," Kero back stroked in the air, "As long as we buy some of that
rlm@2 532 really good Pocky from the corner store, I'm happy." Yue batted at him
rlm@2 533 absently, watching as his Mistress turned away from the oven. There were
rlm@2 534 tears back-lighted emerald by her eyes, just barely swimming over her
rlm@2 535 lashes.
rlm@2 536 "Arigato, Yue-san," her smile was gentle and thankful, "That's very kind
rlm@2 537 of you."
rlm@2 538 "Don't mention it," Kero accepted the small pancakes Sakura offered out,
rlm@2 539 "It was my idea." Expertly, he dodged Yue's hand, holding out a slice of
rlm@2 540 pancake to the young man.
rlm@2 541 "I detest food," Yue returned, before turning back to Sakura, "Anyway, I
rlm@2 542 think we'll go right now." Sakura nodded softly and watched her two
rlm@2 543 companions drift out into the hallway. A moment later, she heard the door
rlm@2 544 close, and her body slumped against the counter. Gathering her strength,
rlm@2 545 she moved to sit at the table, picking at her food with a hopeless,
rlm@2 546 disinterested chop-sticks. Around her, the world was a comfortable new day
rlm@2 547 yellow-- outside the window, the sun touched the morning sky opal, and the
rlm@2 548 bare trees rose beautiful. Finally, Sakura pushed herself away from the
rlm@2 549 table and moved towards the back door on unsteady legs.
rlm@2 550
rlm@2 551 Outside, the winter are was crisp and real on Sakura's skin-- she breathed
rlm@2 552 and watched small white air-flowers bloom. Trotting down the cobble stone
rlm@2 553 path, she moved into the green house, her hands touching lightly on the
rlm@2 554 roses, nadeshikos and lilies that grew there. In truth, she felt a little
rlm@2 555 silly, a little too much like Eriol-- living in her mansion house and
rlm@2 556 playing the recluse. She loved the people of her home town and tried to
rlm@2 557 mingle with them when she could, but they always seemed a little wary. As
rlm@2 558 she plucked a yellow rose to match the morning, Sakura supposed she didn't
rlm@2 559 blame them. She had left scarcely a year after Tomoyo's death, wanting her
rlm@2 560 memories of home to be pleasant, and not back-dropped with odd glances and
rlm@2 561 whispers of suspicion as she failed to age or change. She returned only
rlm@2 562 briefly for her father's funeral, and then for Sonomi-san's and, in the
rlm@2 563 mean time, she traveled. She had been to London, to New York, Paris and
rlm@2 564 even back to Hong Kong for the wedding of Syaoran and Meiling's
rlm@2 565 grand-daughter, Shaiming. Staying in one place for very long was never an
rlm@2 566 option, but she grew to enjoy the different landscapes of her life, all the
rlm@2 567 while longing for the day when the mystery aboard each boat or train or jet
rlm@2 568 she took would not be "who is that pretty young woman?", but "did you see
rlm@2 569 that beautiful pale woman and her friend? I wonder who they are". In a way,
rlm@2 570 she feared her hundred years of living would make her feel separate from
rlm@2 571 Tomoyo-- put distance between them, that they would no longer be able to be
rlm@2 572 friends. Still, the words of her gentle best friend ("There is no one I
rlm@2 573 want to be with more thn Sakura-chan") would come to her at night, and she
rlm@2 574 would dream of adventures for the both of them. Tomoyo had always seemed
rlm@2 575 ageless-- perhaps she and Sakura had finally caught up.
rlm@2 576
rlm@2 577 Smiling lightly, Sakura carried her armful of flowers back to the house,
rlm@2 578 waving at the young school girls as they passed.
rlm@2 579 "Ohayo, Kinomoto-san!" one voice raised itself above the rest, and the
rlm@2 580 owner lingered by the hedge.
rlm@2 581 "Good morning to you, too, Asahi-san," Sakura greeted, patting the girl's
rlm@2 582 ebony braids with affection, "How are you?"
rlm@2 583 "I'm fine," Asahi chirped, her lop-sided red winter coat making her look
rlm@2 584 like a robin, "You look very happy, Kinomoto-san. How are you?"
rlm@2 585 "I'm well," Sakura felt a slight blush, "and I am happy. A friend of mine
rlm@2 586 will be returning today. It has been a long time since I've seen her."
rlm@2 587 "Really?" Asahi enthused, "Can I meet her?"
rlm@2 588 "I hope so..." Sakura looked away, "though perhaps she may not want to
rlm@2 589 stay. I have wronged her in the past, and hope to make up to her."
rlm@2 590 "Why didn't you see her earlier?" the younger girl inquired.
rlm@2 591 "Ah," Sakura laughed, mostly at herself, "We've had to wait-- I do miss
rlm@2 592 her so much."
rlm@2 593 "Well," Asahi pressed a finger to her lip, considering, "Even if my mother
rlm@2 594 says you are strange, Kinomoto-san, I don't see how any one could not like
rlm@2 595 you. I am sure your friend will stay!"
rlm@2 596 "Thank you, Asahi-san," Sakura murmured, selecting a yellow rose and
rlm@2 597 several small white flowers from her load. "That makes me feel a lot
rlm@2 598 better." Handing the small bouquet over the hedge, Sakura suggested, "Why
rlm@2 599 don't you take these to put in your class room. It'll help brighten up
rlm@2 600 winter."
rlm@2 601 "Thank *you*, Kinomoto-san!" Asahi clasped the blooms to her heart, "It's
rlm@2 602 the last day before break! I can't wait! Winter break is magic!" With that,
rlm@2 603 the young girl turned and ran pell-mell down the street, pausing at the
rlm@2 604 corner to look back and wave.
rlm@2 605 "Don't forget to button your coat!" Sakura called after her, "It's cold
rlm@2 606 out!"
rlm@2 607 "Look who's in their nightgown!" Asahi shouted in return, giggling. Their
rlm@2 608 laughter rang the bare tree branches.
rlm@2 609 "Winter break is magic," Sakura murmured, sobering. Turning, she went back
rlm@2 610 into the house, knowing she could not make herself wait any longer.
rlm@2 611
rlm@2 612
rlm@2 613 In Tibet, Sakura had met a young woman who painted other people's sadness,
rlm@2 614 so that they might look at it objectively. The Card Mistress kept her
rlm@2 615 painting in a large, unused bedroom, mounted over a table on which stood a
rlm@2 616 fine silver box. The canvas was coated with both longing and beauty; it was
rlm@2 617 a portrait almost identical to Tomoyo, a young woman with long
rlm@2 618 black-lavander hair standing by a window, cloak wrapped around her and
rlm@2 619 gazing out to the winter sea. There were other things Sakura kept in the
rlm@2 620 bedroom as well. A video camera, tapes, sewing supplies, and stacks upon
rlm@2 621 stacks of journals and sketchbooks-- those things given to her by Sonomi
rlm@2 622 after Tomoyo's funeral. Without realizing she was crying, Sakura placed the
rlm@2 623 flowers in a vase on the nightstand, smoothing the coverlet on the bed.
rlm@2 624 There were fine velvet draps over the windows, rows of beautiful dolls on
rlm@2 625 the wall, waiting for an owner. On the dresser, there were baubles of every
rlm@2 626 kind, jewlery and trinkets selected for someone special. All these things,
rlm@2 627 Sakura had collected, always thinking of Tomoyo-- and yet, now all she
rlm@2 628 wanted was to run through the street with her friend, to play ring around
rlm@2 629 the rosy in the park and fall down upon each other.
rlm@2 630
rlm@2 631 "Oh, key that hides the power of the stars," Sakura began, lifting the lid
rlm@2 632 of the silver box and gazing in on the thing preserved so perfectly in ice.
rlm@2 633 A heart, the most perfect one-- for it was Tomoyo's. "I call upon Dark and
rlm@2 634 Light, I call upon Life! Give form to the woman who's heart has waited so
rlm@2 635 long! Give life to someone who was robbed of it so young! I call upon the
rlm@2 636 heavens-- once more give body to the spirit of Daidouji Tomoyo!"
rlm@2 637
rlm@2 638 There was a moment when the room seemed terribly vacant-- as void as the
rlm@2 639 corpse Sakura had watched buried so long ago. Then, an impossible breeze,
rlm@2 640 brushing her short hair against her chin, and... Tomoyo. The pale girl
rlm@2 641 stood still and bare, marveling at her hands, her long arms; her hair moved
rlm@2 642 about her like a thing alive. Someone gasped, someone else cried out--
rlm@2 643 Tomoyo's gray gaze met Sakura's own.
rlm@2 644 "Sakura-chan," Tomoyo's voice was clear and distinct, a perfect crystal
rlm@2 645 note, "You brought me back. Your magic," there was a smile, and that joy
rlm@2 646 Sakura thought she'd never see again-- Tomoyo was happy to see her! "I
rlm@2 647 didn't think... after I told you..."
rlm@2 648 Sakura swallowed painfully, "Tomoyo-- it was my fault... it wasn't just
rlm@2 649 your love, it was mine!" Tears now, ringing with laughter, and still they
rlm@2 650 stood apart. Neither dared to touch the other, each watching, each sure her
rlm@2 651 hand would find a ghost. "My love tried to keep you with me. I was
rlm@2 652 selfish--"
rlm@2 653 "I wanted Sakura-chan to be happy," Tomoyo confessed, " I thought Syaoran
rlm@2 654 would do that for you."
rlm@2 655 "I know," Sakura reached out her shaking fingers, finally tangling them in
rlm@2 656 Tomoyo's soft hair, "It's okay. Even I didn't know what I really wanted."
rlm@2 657 Stepping forward, Sakura stood in the circle of Tomoyo's open arms,
rlm@2 658 bringing her mouth close the other girl's ear to deliver the words. A
rlm@2 659 whisper, "I love you, Tomoyo. Maybe we won't always be happy---"
rlm@2 660 "I have only wanted Sakura to be happy," Tomoyo cradled the other girl's
rlm@2 661 cheek, "but I would be happy, sad or anything in between with my Sakura."
rlm@2 662 Embracing the other woman, Sakura began to cry in earnest, pressing her
rlm@2 663 lips to Tomoyo's stainless palms.
rlm@2 664
rlm@2 665
rlm@2 666 OWARI
rlm@2 667
rlm@2 668