Dear Sakura

 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.

 amazonessduo@hotmail.com

 pearsong1954@yahoo.com

 

 Dear Tomoyo-chan,

 

 Thank you so much for the beautiful dragonfly pin! I really love it.

 It's just like you to pick out such a thoughtful and charming gift. A

 job as a designer suits you well, because you have a wonderful

 aesthetic. It shows through in so many wys: how you dress, the ways

 you wear your hair, and even in your most delightful manner of

 conversation. This House has not been so blessed with lovliness since

 Sakura first came home as Sayoran's bride. With the two of you here

 together under this one roof, it was quite a spectacle of beauty! I

 know all here were very thankful to have had the pleasure of your

 company during an all too brief stay.

 

 Please pardon my halting attempts at Japanese. I have been hard at

 work on the language ever since Sakura came to live here.. Of course,

 I learned the language in college, and sometimes have had recourse to

 it at work. But unless one speaks a laguage regularly with a native,

 it is difficult to master all of the nuances, yes? Sakura has been

 very kindly helping me, and I think she also enjoys conversing in

 Japanese now and then. I know it has helped me quite a lot!

 

 Also, thank you for coming for Sakura's sake. I think she sometimes

 gets a little lonely here, so far away from friends and family and

 her first home in Tomoeda. After I first saw you, I could understand

 why she feels that way! She talks about you all the time lately. She

 is quite terribly sad about your departure, but will, I am certain,

 treasure the memories of you forever. Tomoyo-chan, she is really very

 fond of you. I think perhaps even more than she knows? She is in some

 ways a simple girl, and sometimes does not see subtle things. But she

 has a marvelously big heart, and it is so full of love. Sometimes I

 wonder about certain aspects of the wisdom she has had in marrying my

 brother. I love little oniichan very much, but there are times when

 one wonders about certain things, yes? Being a boy, he was always

 very mysterious to me. I know that he cares for her, but about her

 love, well, I am not sure if he quite knows what to do with it all? 

 

 There is an old saying in China, that a full heart is an empty

 heart. What that paradoxical thing means is that the more you love,

 the more you yourself need love. That is, the love of a girl like

 Sakura is so vast and great, but in turn she also must be loved

 greatly. Her heart is big and full of love, but it also needs to be

 filled with an equal measure of the precious love of another. I have

 sometimes wondered if my brother is capable of such love for his most

 gorgeous bride from Japan. Is that a terrible thing for a sister to

 say? I am sorry. I am not so subtle as my Mother, a thing she has

 reprimanded me forever since I was a very little girl. I tease her

 that she never seemed to reprimand me very hard, though, and this is

 why I am so outspoken and such an embarrassment to the family. She

 says she should have hit me more often, but I know she is kidding.

 Anyway, Tomoyo-chan, I think you know what I am talking about here,

 because I sense that you, too, have a vast heart that is loving, but

 also needs love.

 

 Oh, please do not think that because I am outspoken I cannot keep a

 secret within my heart. I must say in honesty that I thought about

 telling someone your true feelings. They say that eyes cannot lie, or

 even hide the truth. Anyone who has seen your beautiful eyes, which

 are like a stormy sea, azure and deep, knows who heaven has favored

 with your love and affection. But even though this fortunate one has

 somehow not seen herself, I will not tell her, though in some ways my

 heart breaks for both of you. It is like some sad story from long

 ago. It is like watching a play, where tragedy is happening, but you

 are in the audience and can do nothing. Well, please know that I will

 not speak of all this with her. But perhaps, you might consider who

 should speak to her about your true feelings? Aiyaaa, there I go

 again, being outrageously outspoken. If Mother were here, she would

 no doubt rap me most smartly on the head with her fan. And I would no

 doubt deserve it!

 Well, I most certainly enjoyed your visit. It was a delight and a

 pleasure and a blessing to be with you as much as I was, though it

 was not as much as I would have liked. Please do consider returning

 to our home again someday, provided of course you can bear our

 shamefully humble hospitality. I would love to take you out to see

 more of the city. 

 

 Sakura-chan told me you are a most wonderful dancer. I know some

 very fun and exciting clubs where one can dance, and forget. Oh, and

 perhaps Sakura-chan could come also, yes? Gomenesai, I am very

 wicked, for I thought that perhaps she would be too busy to go. But

 truly, it would be a joy to see you again, Tomoyo-chan. I pray that

 someday I will.

 Thank you again for the beautiful pin. It is my treasure.

 

 Your translator friend in Hong Kong,

 

 Li Fanren

 

 

 

 Dear Fanren-san,

 	It was a pleasant surprise to find a letter from you shortly after

 Sakura-chan wrote me. And please don’t worry about your Japanese. I

 wish I had learned some Chinese when I was younger myself. It sure

 would have helped now that Sakura-chan is living in Hong Kong. I was

 thoroughly delighted to visit. You have such a wonderful home and I

 was very happy to see Sakura-chan once more. You and your sisters are

 all extremely beautiful, which you must all get from your mother.

 Such a lovely household was very pleasant place to stay during my

 visit. I cannot thank you enough for your help, especially during the

 banquet. I have gone to several important banquets here in Japan with

 my mother, but none as grand as the one at your home. I would have

 been completely lost without your help. And not just your help at the

 banquet. Talking to you helped me quite a bit as well. Being around

 Sakura-chan was a joy, but it toyed with my heart at times. I’ve been

 in love with her for so long now. Seeing her like that, married to

 your brother, it was very bittersweet. I’m very happy that she

 married him. He can keep her safe and love her and give her a child.

 But at the same time, I miss her very dearly. My heart will always

 belong to her, even if she doesn’t know that. Being near her, loving

 her, is the most joyful pain that I know of. I know I can never have

 her, that her heart belongs to another, but these days it isn’t as

 much comfort as it was when I was a little girl. I think I had

 mistaken myself into thinking it would become easier as I grew older. 

 	I agree that Sakura-chan must have been lonely before my visit. I

 could tell in her letters that she was getting homesick at times. She

 was always very close to her family and friends, so it must have been

 very painful for her to move away from all of them. I hope that I

 managed to help that with my visit. I really want her to feel better.

 She has her new family now and it sounds like she’s already making

 new friends. She’s a bright spot that other’s can’t help but gather

 around. It was the same when she was back here in Tomoeda. I think

 Sakura doesn’t quite understand all of her feelings even now. That’s

 part of what made it so difficult to leave. I almost ran back to her

 waiting arms instead of boarding my plane. But I knew if I couldn’t

 leave then, I could never truly leave her life. And I think in the

 end, that is the best for both of us. If I quietly fade from her

 life, then I will leave the beautiful memories intact, and her

 happiness will be assured. She is married to the man she loves and

 has a wonderful life. All I can do is ruin that. If she found out my

 feelings, she would undoubtedly try to fix things. Sakura-chan always

 wants to make things better, especially for those she cares about.

 She could never simply reject me, and that would cause problems with

 her husband. There is no solution to this problem. She couldn’t fix

 things. So I can’t let her know. I had my chance to tell her years

 ago. But I never did. And so I don’t think she ever will know. And

 that’s probably for the best. If I stay, I don’t think I could

 survive. My heart would shatter in its attempts to be near her,

 watching her happy life from inside the play. It’s much safer for me

 to be in the audience. It always has been. But I can’t do that

 anymore. If I stay, I’ll be too close to things. And my heart can’t

 bear that anymore.

 	‘A full heart is an empty heart’. That is a very wise saying. I

 have seen it time and time again. I think that is why I can’t stay.

 That’s what makes my heart so brittle the longer I stay in Sakura-

 chan’s life. The more you love someone, the more you give of your

 heart, the more painful it becomes as your love is left unreturned.

 But you can’t force someone to love you. Who you love, who takes the

 most important spot in your heart, it seems to be Fate who decides

 such things. Our hearts reach out to those that we love, giving them

 all that we are. Whether Sakura loves me or not was never something

 that mattered in my love for her. I simply do. And if she doesn’t see

 my love, then that’s just fine. I only want her to be happy. If the

 one you love is happy, then shouldn’t that be the best realization of

 your love? Isn’t that what you truly want for them above all else?

 Sakura-chan has a very warm, loving heart. I hope that in time, Li-

 kun can fill her heart to the brim so that hers will never be empty.

 It’s an interesting paradox. The more I love Sakura-chan, the more I

 need love myself from the saying’s wisdom. But I cannot have her

 love. Nor could I ever quit loving her. For a short time, I actually

 considered what you said after the banquet. You are a beautiful

 woman, Fanren-san, and very kind and loving. Anyone who manages to

 capture your heart in coming years will be very lucky indeed. The

 thought of having someone as wonderful as yourself  to hold close and

 to weather life’s many storms with was incredibly tempting. And

 something I had never dealt with before. My own love life has never

 been one of my biggest concerns, so I haven’t devoted much thought to

 it. Sakura-chan’s love life was always much more important to me.

 Thank you very much for your kind words. They lifted my spirits when

 I was starting to stumble. I finally decided that it wouldn’t be fair

 to you. My heart is bound to Sakura-chan’s with beautiful red ribbons

 that I could not hope to unwind. You deserve someone who can love you

 with all of their heart. Thank you again. You have helped me so much.

 I am very grateful to have had the chance to know you. On my first

 visit to Hong Kong, I was still just a child so we didn’t have much

 of a chance to speak. I’m very glad we got to this time. So yes, my

 heart is empty as its love is all poured forth to Sakura-chan. But it

 seems I can’t have it any other way. 

 	Thank you for the kind offer. If you ever find yourself in Tomoeda,

 I would be most pleased to take you up on it. I don’t know of as many

 clubs around here, but I do know of a wonderful place to dance that

 my mother goes to occasionally. Thank you again for everything,

 Fanren-san. It’s very nice to have someone to talk to about these

 things. And please don’t worry about wanting to tell Sakura-chan how

 I feel. I’ve been telling her for years and there have been many

 times that I’ve wanted to explain to her what I meant. I hope

 everything works out wonderfully for you.

 

 Forever in your debt, 

 Daidouji Tomoyo