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1 Dear Sakura
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2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
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3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
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5
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6 Dear Tomoyo-chan,
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7
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8 Thank you so much for the beautiful dragonfly pin! I really love it.
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9 It's just like you to pick out such a thoughtful and charming gift. A
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10 job as a designer suits you well, because you have a wonderful
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11 aesthetic. It shows through in so many wys: how you dress, the ways
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12 you wear your hair, and even in your most delightful manner of
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13 conversation. This House has not been so blessed with lovliness since
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14 Sakura first came home as Sayoran's bride. With the two of you here
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15 together under this one roof, it was quite a spectacle of beauty! I
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16 know all here were very thankful to have had the pleasure of your
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17 company during an all too brief stay.
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18
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19 Please pardon my halting attempts at Japanese. I have been hard at
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20 work on the language ever since Sakura came to live here.. Of course,
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21 I learned the language in college, and sometimes have had recourse to
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22 it at work. But unless one speaks a laguage regularly with a native,
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23 it is difficult to master all of the nuances, yes? Sakura has been
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24 very kindly helping me, and I think she also enjoys conversing in
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25 Japanese now and then. I know it has helped me quite a lot!
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26
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27 Also, thank you for coming for Sakura's sake. I think she sometimes
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28 gets a little lonely here, so far away from friends and family and
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29 her first home in Tomoeda. After I first saw you, I could understand
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30 why she feels that way! She talks about you all the time lately. She
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31 is quite terribly sad about your departure, but will, I am certain,
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32 treasure the memories of you forever. Tomoyo-chan, she is really very
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33 fond of you. I think perhaps even more than she knows? She is in some
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34 ways a simple girl, and sometimes does not see subtle things. But she
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35 has a marvelously big heart, and it is so full of love. Sometimes I
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36 wonder about certain aspects of the wisdom she has had in marrying my
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37 brother. I love little oniichan very much, but there are times when
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38 one wonders about certain things, yes? Being a boy, he was always
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39 very mysterious to me. I know that he cares for her, but about her
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40 love, well, I am not sure if he quite knows what to do with it all?
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41
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42 There is an old saying in China, that a full heart is an empty
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43 heart. What that paradoxical thing means is that the more you love,
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44 the more you yourself need love. That is, the love of a girl like
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45 Sakura is so vast and great, but in turn she also must be loved
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46 greatly. Her heart is big and full of love, but it also needs to be
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47 filled with an equal measure of the precious love of another. I have
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48 sometimes wondered if my brother is capable of such love for his most
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49 gorgeous bride from Japan. Is that a terrible thing for a sister to
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50 say? I am sorry. I am not so subtle as my Mother, a thing she has
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51 reprimanded me forever since I was a very little girl. I tease her
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52 that she never seemed to reprimand me very hard, though, and this is
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53 why I am so outspoken and such an embarrassment to the family. She
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54 says she should have hit me more often, but I know she is kidding.
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55 Anyway, Tomoyo-chan, I think you know what I am talking about here,
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56 because I sense that you, too, have a vast heart that is loving, but
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57 also needs love.
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58
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59 Oh, please do not think that because I am outspoken I cannot keep a
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60 secret within my heart. I must say in honesty that I thought about
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61 telling someone your true feelings. They say that eyes cannot lie, or
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62 even hide the truth. Anyone who has seen your beautiful eyes, which
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63 are like a stormy sea, azure and deep, knows who heaven has favored
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64 with your love and affection. But even though this fortunate one has
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65 somehow not seen herself, I will not tell her, though in some ways my
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66 heart breaks for both of you. It is like some sad story from long
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67 ago. It is like watching a play, where tragedy is happening, but you
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68 are in the audience and can do nothing. Well, please know that I will
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69 not speak of all this with her. But perhaps, you might consider who
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70 should speak to her about your true feelings? Aiyaaa, there I go
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71 again, being outrageously outspoken. If Mother were here, she would
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72 no doubt rap me most smartly on the head with her fan. And I would no
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73 doubt deserve it!
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74 Well, I most certainly enjoyed your visit. It was a delight and a
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75 pleasure and a blessing to be with you as much as I was, though it
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76 was not as much as I would have liked. Please do consider returning
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77 to our home again someday, provided of course you can bear our
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78 shamefully humble hospitality. I would love to take you out to see
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79 more of the city.
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80
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81 Sakura-chan told me you are a most wonderful dancer. I know some
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82 very fun and exciting clubs where one can dance, and forget. Oh, and
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83 perhaps Sakura-chan could come also, yes? Gomenesai, I am very
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84 wicked, for I thought that perhaps she would be too busy to go. But
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85 truly, it would be a joy to see you again, Tomoyo-chan. I pray that
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86 someday I will.
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87 Thank you again for the beautiful pin. It is my treasure.
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88
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89 Your translator friend in Hong Kong,
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90
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91 Li Fanren
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92
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93
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94
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95 Dear Fanren-san,
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96 It was a pleasant surprise to find a letter from you shortly after
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97 Sakura-chan wrote me. And please don’t worry about your Japanese. I
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98 wish I had learned some Chinese when I was younger myself. It sure
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99 would have helped now that Sakura-chan is living in Hong Kong. I was
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100 thoroughly delighted to visit. You have such a wonderful home and I
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101 was very happy to see Sakura-chan once more. You and your sisters are
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102 all extremely beautiful, which you must all get from your mother.
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103 Such a lovely household was very pleasant place to stay during my
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104 visit. I cannot thank you enough for your help, especially during the
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105 banquet. I have gone to several important banquets here in Japan with
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106 my mother, but none as grand as the one at your home. I would have
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107 been completely lost without your help. And not just your help at the
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108 banquet. Talking to you helped me quite a bit as well. Being around
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109 Sakura-chan was a joy, but it toyed with my heart at times. I’ve been
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110 in love with her for so long now. Seeing her like that, married to
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111 your brother, it was very bittersweet. I’m very happy that she
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112 married him. He can keep her safe and love her and give her a child.
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113 But at the same time, I miss her very dearly. My heart will always
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114 belong to her, even if she doesn’t know that. Being near her, loving
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115 her, is the most joyful pain that I know of. I know I can never have
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116 her, that her heart belongs to another, but these days it isn’t as
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117 much comfort as it was when I was a little girl. I think I had
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118 mistaken myself into thinking it would become easier as I grew older.
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119 I agree that Sakura-chan must have been lonely before my visit. I
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120 could tell in her letters that she was getting homesick at times. She
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121 was always very close to her family and friends, so it must have been
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122 very painful for her to move away from all of them. I hope that I
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123 managed to help that with my visit. I really want her to feel better.
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124 She has her new family now and it sounds like she’s already making
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125 new friends. She’s a bright spot that other’s can’t help but gather
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126 around. It was the same when she was back here in Tomoeda. I think
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127 Sakura doesn’t quite understand all of her feelings even now. That’s
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128 part of what made it so difficult to leave. I almost ran back to her
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129 waiting arms instead of boarding my plane. But I knew if I couldn’t
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130 leave then, I could never truly leave her life. And I think in the
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131 end, that is the best for both of us. If I quietly fade from her
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132 life, then I will leave the beautiful memories intact, and her
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133 happiness will be assured. She is married to the man she loves and
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134 has a wonderful life. All I can do is ruin that. If she found out my
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135 feelings, she would undoubtedly try to fix things. Sakura-chan always
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136 wants to make things better, especially for those she cares about.
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137 She could never simply reject me, and that would cause problems with
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138 her husband. There is no solution to this problem. She couldn’t fix
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139 things. So I can’t let her know. I had my chance to tell her years
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140 ago. But I never did. And so I don’t think she ever will know. And
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141 that’s probably for the best. If I stay, I don’t think I could
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142 survive. My heart would shatter in its attempts to be near her,
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143 watching her happy life from inside the play. It’s much safer for me
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144 to be in the audience. It always has been. But I can’t do that
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145 anymore. If I stay, I’ll be too close to things. And my heart can’t
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146 bear that anymore.
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147 ‘A full heart is an empty heart’. That is a very wise saying. I
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148 have seen it time and time again. I think that is why I can’t stay.
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149 That’s what makes my heart so brittle the longer I stay in Sakura-
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150 chan’s life. The more you love someone, the more you give of your
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151 heart, the more painful it becomes as your love is left unreturned.
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152 But you can’t force someone to love you. Who you love, who takes the
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153 most important spot in your heart, it seems to be Fate who decides
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154 such things. Our hearts reach out to those that we love, giving them
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155 all that we are. Whether Sakura loves me or not was never something
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156 that mattered in my love for her. I simply do. And if she doesn’t see
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157 my love, then that’s just fine. I only want her to be happy. If the
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158 one you love is happy, then shouldn’t that be the best realization of
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159 your love? Isn’t that what you truly want for them above all else?
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160 Sakura-chan has a very warm, loving heart. I hope that in time, Li-
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161 kun can fill her heart to the brim so that hers will never be empty.
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162 It’s an interesting paradox. The more I love Sakura-chan, the more I
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163 need love myself from the saying’s wisdom. But I cannot have her
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164 love. Nor could I ever quit loving her. For a short time, I actually
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165 considered what you said after the banquet. You are a beautiful
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166 woman, Fanren-san, and very kind and loving. Anyone who manages to
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167 capture your heart in coming years will be very lucky indeed. The
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168 thought of having someone as wonderful as yourself to hold close and
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169 to weather life’s many storms with was incredibly tempting. And
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170 something I had never dealt with before. My own love life has never
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171 been one of my biggest concerns, so I haven’t devoted much thought to
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172 it. Sakura-chan’s love life was always much more important to me.
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173 Thank you very much for your kind words. They lifted my spirits when
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174 I was starting to stumble. I finally decided that it wouldn’t be fair
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175 to you. My heart is bound to Sakura-chan’s with beautiful red ribbons
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176 that I could not hope to unwind. You deserve someone who can love you
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177 with all of their heart. Thank you again. You have helped me so much.
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178 I am very grateful to have had the chance to know you. On my first
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179 visit to Hong Kong, I was still just a child so we didn’t have much
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180 of a chance to speak. I’m very glad we got to this time. So yes, my
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181 heart is empty as its love is all poured forth to Sakura-chan. But it
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182 seems I can’t have it any other way.
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183 Thank you for the kind offer. If you ever find yourself in Tomoeda,
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184 I would be most pleased to take you up on it. I don’t know of as many
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185 clubs around here, but I do know of a wonderful place to dance that
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186 my mother goes to occasionally. Thank you again for everything,
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187 Fanren-san. It’s very nice to have someone to talk to about these
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188 things. And please don’t worry about wanting to tell Sakura-chan how
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189 I feel. I’ve been telling her for years and there have been many
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190 times that I’ve wanted to explain to her what I meant. I hope
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191 everything works out wonderfully for you.
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192
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193 Forever in your debt,
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194 Daidouji Tomoyo
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195
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