view old/stories/dearsakura-15.txt @ 4:69f0191c9016 moonlitnights tip

added error.log and access.log
author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
parents fc00894c1d4a
children
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1 Dear Sakura
2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
6 Dear Tomoyo-chan,
8 Thank you so much for the beautiful dragonfly pin! I really love it.
9 It's just like you to pick out such a thoughtful and charming gift. A
10 job as a designer suits you well, because you have a wonderful
11 aesthetic. It shows through in so many wys: how you dress, the ways
12 you wear your hair, and even in your most delightful manner of
13 conversation. This House has not been so blessed with lovliness since
14 Sakura first came home as Sayoran's bride. With the two of you here
15 together under this one roof, it was quite a spectacle of beauty! I
16 know all here were very thankful to have had the pleasure of your
17 company during an all too brief stay.
19 Please pardon my halting attempts at Japanese. I have been hard at
20 work on the language ever since Sakura came to live here.. Of course,
21 I learned the language in college, and sometimes have had recourse to
22 it at work. But unless one speaks a laguage regularly with a native,
23 it is difficult to master all of the nuances, yes? Sakura has been
24 very kindly helping me, and I think she also enjoys conversing in
25 Japanese now and then. I know it has helped me quite a lot!
27 Also, thank you for coming for Sakura's sake. I think she sometimes
28 gets a little lonely here, so far away from friends and family and
29 her first home in Tomoeda. After I first saw you, I could understand
30 why she feels that way! She talks about you all the time lately. She
31 is quite terribly sad about your departure, but will, I am certain,
32 treasure the memories of you forever. Tomoyo-chan, she is really very
33 fond of you. I think perhaps even more than she knows? She is in some
34 ways a simple girl, and sometimes does not see subtle things. But she
35 has a marvelously big heart, and it is so full of love. Sometimes I
36 wonder about certain aspects of the wisdom she has had in marrying my
37 brother. I love little oniichan very much, but there are times when
38 one wonders about certain things, yes? Being a boy, he was always
39 very mysterious to me. I know that he cares for her, but about her
40 love, well, I am not sure if he quite knows what to do with it all?
42 There is an old saying in China, that a full heart is an empty
43 heart. What that paradoxical thing means is that the more you love,
44 the more you yourself need love. That is, the love of a girl like
45 Sakura is so vast and great, but in turn she also must be loved
46 greatly. Her heart is big and full of love, but it also needs to be
47 filled with an equal measure of the precious love of another. I have
48 sometimes wondered if my brother is capable of such love for his most
49 gorgeous bride from Japan. Is that a terrible thing for a sister to
50 say? I am sorry. I am not so subtle as my Mother, a thing she has
51 reprimanded me forever since I was a very little girl. I tease her
52 that she never seemed to reprimand me very hard, though, and this is
53 why I am so outspoken and such an embarrassment to the family. She
54 says she should have hit me more often, but I know she is kidding.
55 Anyway, Tomoyo-chan, I think you know what I am talking about here,
56 because I sense that you, too, have a vast heart that is loving, but
57 also needs love.
59 Oh, please do not think that because I am outspoken I cannot keep a
60 secret within my heart. I must say in honesty that I thought about
61 telling someone your true feelings. They say that eyes cannot lie, or
62 even hide the truth. Anyone who has seen your beautiful eyes, which
63 are like a stormy sea, azure and deep, knows who heaven has favored
64 with your love and affection. But even though this fortunate one has
65 somehow not seen herself, I will not tell her, though in some ways my
66 heart breaks for both of you. It is like some sad story from long
67 ago. It is like watching a play, where tragedy is happening, but you
68 are in the audience and can do nothing. Well, please know that I will
69 not speak of all this with her. But perhaps, you might consider who
70 should speak to her about your true feelings? Aiyaaa, there I go
71 again, being outrageously outspoken. If Mother were here, she would
72 no doubt rap me most smartly on the head with her fan. And I would no
73 doubt deserve it!
74 Well, I most certainly enjoyed your visit. It was a delight and a
75 pleasure and a blessing to be with you as much as I was, though it
76 was not as much as I would have liked. Please do consider returning
77 to our home again someday, provided of course you can bear our
78 shamefully humble hospitality. I would love to take you out to see
79 more of the city.
81 Sakura-chan told me you are a most wonderful dancer. I know some
82 very fun and exciting clubs where one can dance, and forget. Oh, and
83 perhaps Sakura-chan could come also, yes? Gomenesai, I am very
84 wicked, for I thought that perhaps she would be too busy to go. But
85 truly, it would be a joy to see you again, Tomoyo-chan. I pray that
86 someday I will.
87 Thank you again for the beautiful pin. It is my treasure.
89 Your translator friend in Hong Kong,
91 Li Fanren
95 Dear Fanren-san,
96 It was a pleasant surprise to find a letter from you shortly after
97 Sakura-chan wrote me. And please don’t worry about your Japanese. I
98 wish I had learned some Chinese when I was younger myself. It sure
99 would have helped now that Sakura-chan is living in Hong Kong. I was
100 thoroughly delighted to visit. You have such a wonderful home and I
101 was very happy to see Sakura-chan once more. You and your sisters are
102 all extremely beautiful, which you must all get from your mother.
103 Such a lovely household was very pleasant place to stay during my
104 visit. I cannot thank you enough for your help, especially during the
105 banquet. I have gone to several important banquets here in Japan with
106 my mother, but none as grand as the one at your home. I would have
107 been completely lost without your help. And not just your help at the
108 banquet. Talking to you helped me quite a bit as well. Being around
109 Sakura-chan was a joy, but it toyed with my heart at times. I’ve been
110 in love with her for so long now. Seeing her like that, married to
111 your brother, it was very bittersweet. I’m very happy that she
112 married him. He can keep her safe and love her and give her a child.
113 But at the same time, I miss her very dearly. My heart will always
114 belong to her, even if she doesn’t know that. Being near her, loving
115 her, is the most joyful pain that I know of. I know I can never have
116 her, that her heart belongs to another, but these days it isn’t as
117 much comfort as it was when I was a little girl. I think I had
118 mistaken myself into thinking it would become easier as I grew older.
119 I agree that Sakura-chan must have been lonely before my visit. I
120 could tell in her letters that she was getting homesick at times. She
121 was always very close to her family and friends, so it must have been
122 very painful for her to move away from all of them. I hope that I
123 managed to help that with my visit. I really want her to feel better.
124 She has her new family now and it sounds like she’s already making
125 new friends. She’s a bright spot that other’s can’t help but gather
126 around. It was the same when she was back here in Tomoeda. I think
127 Sakura doesn’t quite understand all of her feelings even now. That’s
128 part of what made it so difficult to leave. I almost ran back to her
129 waiting arms instead of boarding my plane. But I knew if I couldn’t
130 leave then, I could never truly leave her life. And I think in the
131 end, that is the best for both of us. If I quietly fade from her
132 life, then I will leave the beautiful memories intact, and her
133 happiness will be assured. She is married to the man she loves and
134 has a wonderful life. All I can do is ruin that. If she found out my
135 feelings, she would undoubtedly try to fix things. Sakura-chan always
136 wants to make things better, especially for those she cares about.
137 She could never simply reject me, and that would cause problems with
138 her husband. There is no solution to this problem. She couldn’t fix
139 things. So I can’t let her know. I had my chance to tell her years
140 ago. But I never did. And so I don’t think she ever will know. And
141 that’s probably for the best. If I stay, I don’t think I could
142 survive. My heart would shatter in its attempts to be near her,
143 watching her happy life from inside the play. It’s much safer for me
144 to be in the audience. It always has been. But I can’t do that
145 anymore. If I stay, I’ll be too close to things. And my heart can’t
146 bear that anymore.
147 ‘A full heart is an empty heart’. That is a very wise saying. I
148 have seen it time and time again. I think that is why I can’t stay.
149 That’s what makes my heart so brittle the longer I stay in Sakura-
150 chan’s life. The more you love someone, the more you give of your
151 heart, the more painful it becomes as your love is left unreturned.
152 But you can’t force someone to love you. Who you love, who takes the
153 most important spot in your heart, it seems to be Fate who decides
154 such things. Our hearts reach out to those that we love, giving them
155 all that we are. Whether Sakura loves me or not was never something
156 that mattered in my love for her. I simply do. And if she doesn’t see
157 my love, then that’s just fine. I only want her to be happy. If the
158 one you love is happy, then shouldn’t that be the best realization of
159 your love? Isn’t that what you truly want for them above all else?
160 Sakura-chan has a very warm, loving heart. I hope that in time, Li-
161 kun can fill her heart to the brim so that hers will never be empty.
162 It’s an interesting paradox. The more I love Sakura-chan, the more I
163 need love myself from the saying’s wisdom. But I cannot have her
164 love. Nor could I ever quit loving her. For a short time, I actually
165 considered what you said after the banquet. You are a beautiful
166 woman, Fanren-san, and very kind and loving. Anyone who manages to
167 capture your heart in coming years will be very lucky indeed. The
168 thought of having someone as wonderful as yourself to hold close and
169 to weather life’s many storms with was incredibly tempting. And
170 something I had never dealt with before. My own love life has never
171 been one of my biggest concerns, so I haven’t devoted much thought to
172 it. Sakura-chan’s love life was always much more important to me.
173 Thank you very much for your kind words. They lifted my spirits when
174 I was starting to stumble. I finally decided that it wouldn’t be fair
175 to you. My heart is bound to Sakura-chan’s with beautiful red ribbons
176 that I could not hope to unwind. You deserve someone who can love you
177 with all of their heart. Thank you again. You have helped me so much.
178 I am very grateful to have had the chance to know you. On my first
179 visit to Hong Kong, I was still just a child so we didn’t have much
180 of a chance to speak. I’m very glad we got to this time. So yes, my
181 heart is empty as its love is all poured forth to Sakura-chan. But it
182 seems I can’t have it any other way.
183 Thank you for the kind offer. If you ever find yourself in Tomoeda,
184 I would be most pleased to take you up on it. I don’t know of as many
185 clubs around here, but I do know of a wonderful place to dance that
186 my mother goes to occasionally. Thank you again for everything,
187 Fanren-san. It’s very nice to have someone to talk to about these
188 things. And please don’t worry about wanting to tell Sakura-chan how
189 I feel. I’ve been telling her for years and there have been many
190 times that I’ve wanted to explain to her what I meant. I hope
191 everything works out wonderfully for you.
193 Forever in your debt,
194 Daidouji Tomoyo