1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/stories/dearsakura-19.txt	Fri Feb 19 06:24:59 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,861 @@
     1.4 +Dear Sakura
     1.5 +by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
     1.6 +amazonessduo@hotmail.com
     1.7 +pearsong1954@yahoo.com
     1.8 +
     1.9 +I.
    1.10 +Sakura felt the tickling caress of little wavelets as she plowed
    1.11 +through the gentle waters of the bay. Glancing at a wetly glistening
    1.12 +Tomoyo, she was met with azure eyes that regarded her with
    1.13 +affectionate trust. With her odd costumes and curious remarks, the
    1.14 +dark-haired girl kindled a half-blush, half-heartache that thrilled
    1.15 +and confused the Mistress of the Cards. But there was no confusion
    1.16 +now, only a sunny glow that lit Sakura's entire being as she held the
    1.17 +soft, supple presence of her friend so delightfully close. Gazing
    1.18 +into the deep water, she was amazed by the strange, colorful fish
    1.19 +darting about. With mild surprise she scanned the horizon, and
    1.20 +realized the shore was lost to view. But it didn't seem to matter;
    1.21 +nothing mattered but being here with Tomoyo. She closed her eyes and
    1.22 +pulled through the water with slow, leisurely strokes. I could swim
    1.23 +like this forever, she thought languidly. Her friend’s lustrously
    1.24 +dark hair was streaming in the water as they swam, and the girl’s
    1.25 +pale skin sparkled in the dazzling sunlight. Sakura felt a sweet,
    1.26 +overwhelming longing for the delicate girl by her side, and hugged
    1.27 +her tightly, entranced by her delightful nearness. Her gaze caught
    1.28 +the horizon, the seam between sea and sky that sparkled in the far
    1.29 +distance. Staring at that razor's edge where blue met blue, Sakura
    1.30 +felt love as she never had before. Yet somehow these feelings had
    1.31 +always been with her, ever since she had been a child too young to
    1.32 +know that such love can be. Perplexed by this tangle of emotions, she
    1.33 +turned to ask her friend to explain this puzzling contradiction. But
    1.34 +Tomoyo was gone.
    1.35 +
    1.36 +Blinking in disbelief, Sakura circled in the water, expecting the
    1.37 +girl to be bobbing on the shimmering surface nearby. But there was
    1.38 +nothing, only sea and sky brilliantly lit by the tropical sun.
    1.39 +Suddenly Sakura remembered, and her heart tightened and froze, "She
    1.40 +can't swim". She thrashed in the water as panic swept her. But there
    1.41 +was nothing save the disturbance of her wild swimming on the ocean’s
    1.42 +placid film. Filling her lungs with air, Sakura dove deep into the
    1.43 +water. The fish scattered as she swam, leaving her alone as she
    1.44 +surged forward. The salty brine stung her eyes as she strained to
    1.45 +see. But there was only water: empty, endless, and vast. Her lungs
    1.46 +ached as each stroke pulled her deeper. The sea was now cold and dark
    1.47 +as she left the dappled sunlight extinguished and plunged into a
    1.48 +black nothingness. Completely disoriented, she lost all sense of
    1.49 +direction and dimension. As the seconds swept by her heart, starved
    1.50 +for oxygen, beat wildly out of control. Finally, her body panicked
    1.51 +and sucked in lungfuls of burning seawater. The darkness spread from
    1.52 +her vision to her mind as consciousness faded. When she died, the
    1.53 +pain and panic gave way to a whispering sadness. Her final thoughts
    1.54 +were of Tomoyo, and how she had failed to save her from drowning.   
    1.55 +
    1.56 +Sakura lurched out of bed as her lungs desperately gasped for air.
    1.57 +Her heart hammered in her chest as she slowly came to, eyes
    1.58 +discerning the dim outlines of her room in the pale starlight. With a
    1.59 +hand held tightly to her breast, she remembered the dream that
    1.60 +started so beautifully, and ended so horrifically. Still shaken, she
    1.61 +slipped out of bed, opened the door, and stood in the hallway.
    1.62 +Slumping to the floor, she pulled herself into a little ball and sat
    1.63 +deep in thought. Part of her wanted to forget the awful dream. Surely
    1.64 +it was nothing more than that; a night terror that dissipated with
    1.65 +the coming of day. But Kero-chan once said that the dreams of a
    1.66 +Cardcaptor were often prophetic, and thus important. The very idea
    1.67 +that this dream held any glint of the future brought a shiver of
    1.68 +fear. Sakura closed her eyes and forced herself to think. The dream
    1.69 +had seemed so real. Worse than her own death was failing to save
    1.70 +Tomoyo. Ever since that night in the garden, the pain in her best
    1.71 +friend’s eyes had haunted Sakura. Somehow it seemed her fault that
    1.72 +the dark-haired woman was suffering so. Never did the pale woman
    1.73 +utter a single reproach, or even a plea for help. But those beautiful
    1.74 +lavender eyes had betrayed her, and now Sakura knew that something
    1.75 +was terribly wrong. Sakura also sensed that her friend was faithfully
    1.76 +waiting for help.  Tomoyo's trust was touching, but it  frightened
    1.77 +her. 
    1.78 +
    1.79 +Helping her friend wasn't a matter of capturing cards or fighting
    1.80 +with magical forces. All that seemed simple compared to the problem
    1.81 +of Tomoyo's heart. The person her friend loved she could not have,
    1.82 +and despite efforts to conceal it, loneliness was a burden that bore
    1.83 +heavily upon her. Tomoyo would not say who this special someone was,
    1.84 +and Sakura felt a brief flash of anger. The least they could do is be
    1.85 +aware of such a wonderful love, and to gently thank Tomoyo for it,
    1.86 +even if they were unable to return her precious feelings. But then,
    1.87 +what if they did know? Would that really help her, if they knew of
    1.88 +her love but did not love her? Frustrated, Sakura rose and walked
    1.89 +down the hall. She had to do something, anything. She had to help.
    1.90 +But how? This was like fighting with shadows, dim outlines that she
    1.91 +could barely perceive. In order to help, she needed to know. Sakura
    1.92 +had to know who Tomoyo's special someone was. At this, she blushed
    1.93 +and stopped pacing. Part of her asked mockingly, "And just why do you
    1.94 +want to know? Are you jealous?" She shook her head, frustrated and
    1.95 +disturbed by the confused feelings that gripped her. She knew she
    1.96 +shouldn't feel bad that Tomoyo had her own true love. She knew in her
    1.97 +heart that she desired Tomoyo’s happiness. But somehow, it hurt not
    1.98 +to be that special someone. Tomoyo's affection was something she had
    1.99 +grown up with, as much a part of her life as breathing. That this
   1.100 +affection now caressed someone else was bittersweet, for while she
   1.101 +was glad that love lit Tomoyo's gentle heart, it saddened her that
   1.102 +she was not the one. This realization brought a new storm of
   1.103 +frustration, and Sakura threw on a skirt and blouse, slipped on a
   1.104 +pair of sandals, and walked out of the house. 
   1.105 +
   1.106 +The auburn-haired girl followed the road for a while, and then left
   1.107 +it for the trail that led to the top of Victoria Peak. The air was
   1.108 +cool on her face, and it felt good to walk the steep, snaking
   1.109 +pathway. Through the trees she caught a glimpse of the city below,
   1.110 +brightly lit and no doubt raucous even now in the early morning. She
   1.111 +was glad the weekend was approaching, for she needed time. Surely
   1.112 +this frustrating ignorance was worse than finally discovering who
   1.113 +Tomoyo's love was. But part of her resisted, as if unwilling to know.
   1.114 +In fact, part of her simply didn't want Tomoyo to be in love with
   1.115 +someone else. This brought a blush, and a reprimand as Sakura scolded
   1.116 +herself for such selfishness. But it was true, and she knew it. She
   1.117 +had finally realized, during Tomoyo’s trip to Hong Kong, that she
   1.118 +wanted Tomoyo's love for herself. To be the focus of Tomoyo's
   1.119 +attention was an ecstasy beyond words. She remembered Tomoyo filming
   1.120 +in the Matsukaya, remembered twirling and dancing for her friend's
   1.121 +delight. This brought another blush, for those memories were
   1.122 +intensely sweet and stirring. Sakura walked far along the pathway in
   1.123 +this blissful state before her wandering mind returned to the task at
   1.124 +hand. It occurred to her that her own feelings were part of the
   1.125 +problem. They clouded her understanding, her ability to solve the
   1.126 +riddle of Tomoyo's special someone. Until she first understood her
   1.127 +own feelings, she would never understand Tomoyo’s. This was all so
   1.128 +complicated, and made the capturing of the Cards seem almost easy.
   1.129 +
   1.130 +The Cards were really no more than puzzles to be solved. As time
   1.131 +went by, she had grown to love them. But at first, they were things
   1.132 +to be captured, a job to be done. Tomoyo wasn't like that at all.
   1.133 +Sakura cared deeply for her, and ironically this made it more
   1.134 +difficult to help. Had she loved the Cards then as she did now,
   1.135 +capturing and binding them would have been more difficult. She was so
   1.136 +tangled in her emotions for Tomoyo that she nearly felt overwhelmed.
   1.137 +And overwhelmed people, as her brother once remarked, are not very
   1.138 +useful. Somehow, she had to understand her own feelings for the girl
   1.139 +before she could help her.
   1.140 +
   1.141 +Sakura suddenly realized she was nearly at the top of the peak. And
   1.142 +there, just outside the heavy foliage flanking the trail, was the
   1.143 +spot they had watched the moonrise together. Sakura walked on the
   1.144 +soft grass, dew tickling her sandal-clad little feet. She sat down
   1.145 +and gazed at the islands of the bay shrouded in the dark night. She
   1.146 +stretched out on her back, hands behind her head, and stared up into
   1.147 +the sky. The crescent moon was a tiny boat in a sea of stars, the
   1.148 +vast emptiness illumined by thousands of brightly burning hearts.
   1.149 +Sometimes she felt their power, her power, the power of the stars.
   1.150 +When the Cards were all transformed, and Eriol’s final challenge
   1.151 +overcome, she had never wondered what was next. Her love for Syaoran
   1.152 +bloomed, thanks to the tender care of her friends. Sakura now
   1.153 +realized that Tomoyo had helped her friend have a happy marriage that
   1.154 +she would never have. That would be just like her, Sakura thought
   1.155 +with a trace of sadness. She remembered the look in her eyes as they
   1.156 +watched the parade of wedding dresses at the department store. "She
   1.157 +must have felt that pain for a long time, but she hid it from me.
   1.158 +Why? Why would she hide something like that? Because she didn't want
   1.159 +me to feel bad. I was so happy to be married, and she didn't want to
   1.160 +spoil my happiness with her feelings. I just ignored her all those
   1.161 +years. It's like I didn't care at all."
   1.162 +
   1.163 +Sakura sat up, damp from the dew and fighting back tears. She stared
   1.164 +at the hands folded on her lap and whispered miserably, "I'm so
   1.165 +sorry, Tomoyo-chan. I didn't know. I should have, but I just didn't
   1.166 +know". She clenched her fists angrily. That was no excuse then, and
   1.167 +it was no excuse now. Tomoyo was suffering, and needed her. Somehow,
   1.168 +she had to help. She had to find Tomoyo's special someone and tell
   1.169 +them. At least then Tomoyo's love would be appreciated, even if this
   1.170 +person could not be with her. But would this really be any
   1.171 +consolation? Poor Tomoyo would love this person with all her heart,
   1.172 +but she would have nobody to love her. It all seemed so wrong and
   1.173 +unfair. Tomoyo's love was like nothing Sakura had ever experienced.
   1.174 +Even as just a friend, the joy and bliss of being loved by this
   1.175 +wonderful girl was staggering. Through the years Sakura had been
   1.176 +unaware of how luminous Tomoyo’s love was. "Only when I moved to Hong
   1.177 +Kong," she thought, "did I really know what it would mean to be away
   1.178 +from her". She tried to explain this to Tomoyo when they danced the
   1.179 +night before she left for Japan, but words failed her as surely as
   1.180 +she had failed Tomoyo. She stumblingly groped for words because she
   1.181 +herself did not fully understand. Even now, all she really knew was
   1.182 +that she missed Tomoyo desperately and longed to be with her. And if
   1.183 +she did not know her own feelings, how could she possibly hope to
   1.184 +help Tomoyo? Sakura stood up and hugged herself as a chill breeze
   1.185 +swept the grassy swale. The sky had turned a pale gray. Dawn.
   1.186 +
   1.187 +Sakura smiled, for if resolution would not absolve her of the hurt
   1.188 +she had caused, it would at least set her guilt aside until she
   1.189 +finished this important task. She would help Tomoyo, but to do so she
   1.190 +must first know her own feelings. Until then, it would be impossible
   1.191 +to find her way. Her feelings were inextricably bound with the
   1.192 +beautiful dark-haired girl, but once they were unraveled she would
   1.193 +see her way more clearly. But how could she know her own heart? She
   1.194 +faced that riddle when Syaoran was leaving for Hong Kong. Then she
   1.195 +was lucky, for friends told her what her heart desired. But now she
   1.196 +was frighteningly alone, and did not know where to go for help. The
   1.197 +one person she could trust ultimately was far away in Japan Besides,
   1.198 +Sakura thought, even if she were at my side I couldn't ask her about
   1.199 +this. The thought of the pale girl again at her side was a pleasant
   1.200 +one, and brought back memories in a flood. Here they snuggled
   1.201 +together, Tomoyo resting her head on Sakura’s shoulder while the moon
   1.202 +sailed a velvet sky. Sakura longed to have those moments back, to
   1.203 +live them again and again for all eternity. But sweet memories would
   1.204 +not heal the hurts she had caused, and the Mistress of the Cards
   1.205 +purged them from her mind. Clenching her fists, Sakura looked out at
   1.206 +the dawn with determined eyes. Her voice was firm as she said out
   1.207 +loud, 
   1.208 +
   1.209 +"I'll ask Dark-sama and Light-sama about my feelings. I'll make them
   1.210 +tell me."
   1.211 +
   1.212 +And for the instant these words were uttered, she looked like what
   1.213 +she truly was: the most powerful being on earth. And her countenance
   1.214 +was terrible to behold.
   1.215 +
   1.216 +II.
   1.217 +All through the day that followed that dawn, Sakura thought about
   1.218 +the task ahead. At dinner Ieran-sama asked if she felt all right,
   1.219 +"You are unusually quiet tonight, Sakura."
   1.220 +
   1.221 +Sakura looked slightly surprised and bowed, "I'm fine, Ieran-sama.
   1.222 +Thank you for your concern." 
   1.223 +
   1.224 +Fanren chirped in with a giggly voice, "Quiet, hmm? Maybe you've
   1.225 +been around Syaoran-chan too long. Next thing you'll be all dour and
   1.226 +grumpy, too."
   1.227 +
   1.228 +Syaoran scowled and poked at his rice. But that only brought a fresh
   1.229 +storm of teasing from Fanren, eager to see her little brother stalk
   1.230 +off in a huff. Ieran-sama ended the game when she ordered the dishes
   1.231 +cleared, and after helping to clean up Sakura worked on papers from
   1.232 +school. After kissing Syaoran goodnight, she waited until the house
   1.233 +was silent, and stole into the guest room. Or, as she now called it,
   1.234 +Tomoyo’s room.
   1.235 +
   1.236 + She took the Cards from the drawer of the old colonial desk, and
   1.237 +decided Shield would seal her off from the rest of the household.
   1.238 +Looking at her skirt and blouse, she wished they were not quite so
   1.239 +plain. Kero always said the Cards preferred a proper looking
   1.240 +Mistress, and Tomoyo's creations had seemingly charmed and impressed
   1.241 +them. Certainly Kero had approved, Sakura thought ruefully,
   1.242 +especially when he got to share in the sartorial splendor. Well, what
   1.243 +she now wore would have to do. She pulled the chain around her neck
   1.244 +from her blouse and spoke the chant of power. In a blinding flash
   1.245 +Shield came to life, barring the doors and windows with golden
   1.246 +chains. Holding her staff in one hand, Sakura picked up The Dark and
   1.247 +The Light and flicked them into the air. With a twirl and a flourish
   1.248 +she awakened them amid a gale of shadow and blaze. They stood before
   1.249 +her shimmering with power, beautiful and majestic. Instinctively she
   1.250 +bowed, and they returned her bow with graceful solemnity. Light
   1.251 +smiled cheerfully and spoke while Dark waited pensively, 
   1.252 +
   1.253 +“Konbanwa, Sakura-chan. How are you this lovely evening”? Despite
   1.254 +her earnestness, Sakura smiled in sheer delight. The beauty of the
   1.255 +two was always such a joy to behold. They stood together,
   1.256 +affectionately holding hands, long, lustrous hair floating as if they
   1.257 +were underwater. They were a perfect contrast, yet a perfect pair,
   1.258 +and Sakura’s heart ached to see them together. She was always careful
   1.259 +to place the two cards next to one another, for which Light had
   1.260 +laughingly thanked her, but said it was unnecessary, “We have always
   1.261 +been together, and ever shall be.” But Sakura now tried to look
   1.262 +serious, for she knew the two could be cryptic, playfully hiding the
   1.263 +knowledge she desired. In a commanding voice, edged with the power of
   1.264 +the Mistress of the Cards, Sakura spoke,
   1.265 +
   1.266 +“Thank you, Light-sama. I am well. But there is something I need
   1.267 +from you.”
   1.268 +
   1.269 +The response was so different from the young woman’s normal tone
   1.270 +that Light-sama was taken aback and did not reply. Dark-sama spoke in
   1.271 +a voice like rustlings in the shadows, “Speak, Mistress, for all we
   1.272 +have is yours to ask for”. 
   1.273 +
   1.274 +Uncomfortable with such a formal reply, Sakura shifted her stance.
   1.275 +She was never like this with the Cards, and it all seemed very out of
   1.276 +place. But she had to find out for Tomoyo’s sake, so again she spoke
   1.277 +up firmly, “I need to know my feelings for Tomoyo-chan”.
   1.278 +
   1.279 +Sakura thought she detected the briefest hint of a smile on Dark-
   1.280 +sama’s normally impassive face. But it was Light-sama that answered
   1.281 +back in a ringing, almost angry, challenge,  “We cannot do what you
   1.282 +ask”.
   1.283 +
   1.284 +Sakura looked down at the floor, wishing she had one of Tomoyo’s
   1.285 +impressive costumes to make her feel more imperious than she felt.
   1.286 +Suddenly a flash of anger energized her, and in a stern voice that
   1.287 +shook the room she shot back, “I can command you to answer”.
   1.288 +
   1.289 +Light-sama looked surprised, and a nearly imperceptible trace of
   1.290 +fear darkened the light that glowed all around her. She quickly
   1.291 +recovered, fixing Sakura with a haughty stare. She began to reply,
   1.292 +but Dark-sama gently touched her shoulder, calming her at a glance
   1.293 +with dark, gentle eyes. The shadowy figure then turned to Sakura and
   1.294 +stepped forward. She knelt down and bowed low, forehead touching the
   1.295 +floor, black hair forming a darkly radiant pool on the floor. Her
   1.296 +feathery voice was mild and meek,
   1.297 +
   1.298 +“It is your right as Mistress of the Cards. You may command us, if
   1.299 +that is truly your wish.”
   1.300 +
   1.301 +Sakura’s heart sank. It felt so awful, as if she were forcing them
   1.302 +to do her bidding like servants, or even slaves. She knew that was
   1.303 +how Clow Reed had dealt with them; even Yue and Kereberous never
   1.304 +dared address him as other than “Master”. But Sakura loved her Cards,
   1.305 +not as their Master but as their friend, and it hurt her to see Dark-
   1.306 +sama bowing like this. Trembling, she realized she could never force
   1.307 +them against their will, even if she did have the right. Her
   1.308 +shoulders slumped and she lowered the staff, defeated by the gentle
   1.309 +submission of Dark-sama. Verging on tears she answered haltingly,
   1.310 +“Gomenesai, Dark-sama, Light-sama. I don’t want to be like that with
   1.311 +you. I can’t.” She looked up, her emerald eyes wet with tears. Light-
   1.312 +sama again stared in surprise, but this time with pity, not defiance.
   1.313 +Dark-sama smiled as she rose gracefully from her bow, then leaned
   1.314 +over and placed her hands on the woman’s shoulders. Her tranquil
   1.315 +voice was melodious and calming,
   1.316 +
   1.317 +“That is why the Cards love you so, Sakura-chan. We would do
   1.318 +anything for you, because you do not command us. But we cannot tell
   1.319 +you your feelings for Tomoyo. We cannot tell you, because only you
   1.320 +can know what is in your heart.”
   1.321 +
   1.322 +Sakura again remembered agonizing over Syaoran’s departure to Hong
   1.323 +Kong. How would she have known what was in her own heart if her
   1.324 +friends had not helped her, nudged her, and all but told her that
   1.325 +Syaoran was her true love? As if reading her thoughts, Light-sama
   1.326 +spoke up brightly, 
   1.327 +
   1.328 +“Others cannot know such things, and though they mean to help they
   1.329 +bring confusion, not light. Sakura-chan, you have never really known
   1.330 +your own heart, or these feelings would not be a mystery to you.  You
   1.331 +must do this yourself if you would know the truth”.
   1.332 +
   1.333 +Sakura looked hesitant and uncertain. She was confident in many
   1.334 +things, but not this. Not knowing her own feelings. They had always
   1.335 +been baffling, an emotional web that frustrated and bound her. She
   1.336 +had been so thankful when everyone had helped her before. But if this
   1.337 +was something she must do alone, then she would try her hardest. For
   1.338 +Tomoyo’s sake she could not fail. Sakura felt a surge of strength
   1.339 +that steeled her determination. She bowed low to the wise and
   1.340 +beautiful women. Her smile was bright and confident as she spoke with
   1.341 +an enthusiastic but steady voice, “Thank you so very much, Dark-sama
   1.342 +and Light-sama. I promise I will try my best.”
   1.343 +
   1.344 +
   1.345 +The two women shimmered before her, smiles filling her with peace
   1.346 +and strength. She resisted the urge to hug them, and instead bowed
   1.347 +again and returned Shield to its card form. As Sakura turned to go,
   1.348 +Light-sama approached her. Breathless, she saw the glowing figure
   1.349 +lean over her, golden hair waving in the air like seaweed in an ocean
   1.350 +swell. She met Sakura’s forehead with a tender kiss and the words,
   1.351 +“To help light your way, Mistress”. Sakura felt a surge of warmth and
   1.352 +hope, and smiled radiantly as she bowed her thanks. With that the
   1.353 +young woman was gone, leaving Dark and Light to linger awhile,
   1.354 +content in the eloquent silence of each other’s company.
   1.355 +
   1.356 +III.
   1.357 +Sakura stirred her coffee with absent-minded detachment. The quaint
   1.358 +little café overlooked the Bay, offering a scenic vista of ferryboats
   1.359 +and seagulls. But Sakura’s attention was far away, in another time
   1.360 +and place altogether. She had wandered the landscape of childhood all
   1.361 +day long, and like an explorer returning home came bearing strange
   1.362 +and exotic memories. She realized now that her time as a child had
   1.363 +been like the nursery-rhyme song so dimly remembered: “Merrily,
   1.364 +merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream”. It was as if she had
   1.365 +dreamt away her years in Tomoeda, and now awakened to the marvels
   1.366 +that filled her pleasant slumber. 
   1.367 +
   1.368 +Above all else was the extraordinary love of her best friend,
   1.369 +Tomoyo. This love had been sweetly present all through her life. As
   1.370 +she meandered through memory she saw it in places unsuspected and
   1.371 +unlooked for. Love was there in all the girl did and all that she
   1.372 +was. Love was sewn into the elaborate costumes Sakura had worn in
   1.373 +capturing the Cards. At the time, their excess of kawaii had caused
   1.374 +the Cardcaptor no end of embarrassment. Yet Tomoyo sewed them with
   1.375 +meticulous care, and if they were playful and carefree, they also
   1.376 +marked Sakura in a singular way as the new Cardcaptor. But most of
   1.377 +all they reflected the glowing love that Tomoyo held for her. The
   1.378 +girl was ecstatic when her friend wore them, and that crazy, innocent
   1.379 +delight was something Sakura painfully missed. No longer embarrassed,
   1.380 +she longed once again be the focus of the rapturous love. 
   1.381 +
   1.382 +Tomoyo’s love embraced her in a comforting cocoon of blissful
   1.383 +contentment, yet it also tossed her into the sky, deliriously free to
   1.384 +soar beyond limits she would never have dared on her own. Tomoyo’s
   1.385 +love was vast and deep, a mysterious ocean that gently rocked and
   1.386 +swayed Sakura’s heart. Tomoyo gave her strength and hope, help and
   1.387 +solace, and the delightful charm of her shinning presence. “And what
   1.388 +did I give her?” Sakura thought in a  hot flash of shame. “I took all
   1.389 +my problems to her, and she helped me every time. But I didn’t help
   1.390 +her. I didn’t even know about her special love. She did so much for
   1.391 +me, and I never even let her know. I didn’t even know myself.” This
   1.392 +last thought seemed particularly bitter. 
   1.393 +
   1.394 +Sakura realized that Tomoyo had paid a dear price for her friend’s
   1.395 +denseness. “She supported me, and I ignored her. I took her for
   1.396 +granted, like she would always be there, just for me. How could I
   1.397 +have been so selfish?” So powerful and ever-present was Tomoyo’s love
   1.398 +that Sakura simply grew used to it. It pained her to think so, but it
   1.399 +could not be denied. Like air and water, Tomoyo’s love was something
   1.400 +Sakura needed, and unconsciously came to expect. She had taken her
   1.401 +marvelous friend for granted. She knew this now because Tomoyo was
   1.402 +far away, and that love and affection were no longer a part of
   1.403 +Sakura’s daily life. This knowledge made the memories of her time in
   1.404 +school with Syaoran especially hard to face. When Syaoran returned
   1.405 +from Hong Kong, she had flown to his arms, losing herself in the
   1.406 +Chinese magician.  Enamored by his stoic strength and charmed by his
   1.407 +stingily given attentions, she had been oblivious to all else. She
   1.408 +remembered the time they sat in swings at the park while she spoke
   1.409 +about her feelings for Yukito. She was deeply moved as he silently
   1.410 +listened to her, but now she wondered if his silence was more a lack
   1.411 +of interest than concern.  But how many times had Tomoyo listened to
   1.412 +her problems and worries, really listened with all her heart and
   1.413 +spirit? She was always there, sympathetic and caring, listening to
   1.414 +confessions and sobs until dawn chased the stars away. Even now it
   1.415 +was Tomoyo she went to with all of her problems, as well as her
   1.416 +delights and joys. But Sakura had hardly given Tomoyo’s fragile heart
   1.417 +a second thought. She always assumed the girl was happy, for the dark-
   1.418 +haired girl never spoke of the pain and hurt that Sakura had seen so
   1.419 +recently in her eyes. 
   1.420 +
   1.421 +Was this pain new?  Had her friend sailed blithely through childhood
   1.422 +without worry or care? It was comforting to think, but Sakura sensed
   1.423 +it was not so. No, Tomoyo must have had some sadness and
   1.424 +disappointment throughout the years they were together. But she had
   1.425 +never said a word, and Sakura had never asked. She kept whatever
   1.426 +troubled her to herself, but why? The answer, Sakura thought as she
   1.427 +sipped her cold coffee, was stark and obvious: for me.
   1.428 +
   1.429 +Not only was Tomoyo always there for her, but she carefully kept her
   1.430 +own problems from Sakura as well. The toll these years of sacrifice
   1.431 +must have cost her friend seemed staggering. On the brink of tears,
   1.432 +Sakura thought to herself, “She was always there for me, and happy
   1.433 +for me, and silent for me. And I never even knew”. Hurriedly leaving
   1.434 +money on the table, she began headed into the center of the busy
   1.435 +city. Walking usually eased her heart, but not today. She thought of
   1.436 +those last years in High School where her world revolved around
   1.437 +Syaoran. Sometimes he was all she could think about. When he was in
   1.438 +Japan they were always together, and when he was absent she talked
   1.439 +and thought and dreamed about him, and little else. Never did she ask
   1.440 +about Tomoyo’s crushes, or dates, or cherished hopes. There weren’t
   1.441 +any, of course; only a hopeless love from afar that left her lonely,
   1.442 +a shattered heart her only confidante. Ever since Tomoyo explained
   1.443 +the reason for not buying a teddy bear for her special someone,
   1.444 +Sakura had assumed her odd friend was content with unrequited love.
   1.445 +She thought of her reply at the time, “I know Tomoyo’s special person
   1.446 +must be very happy”. Now it sounded shallow and ridiculous, and the
   1.447 +memory of her remark made her physically ill.
   1.448 +
   1.449 +“Baka.” Sakura felt a rare anger welling up inside, an anger that
   1.450 +accused her of a cruel disregard, “It’s a wonder she can stand to be
   1.451 +around me.” Yet this was one of the many miracles of her dearest
   1.452 +friend. Never once, in any way, did Tomoyo betray a trace of anger or
   1.453 +reproach. Not a word, or a gesture, or a sign did she give of the
   1.454 +wrong that Sakura had done her through a carefree and foolish
   1.455 +neglect. She hid her pain, and all those years Sakura did not see.
   1.456 +But what she did see, despite the hurt done her, was Tomoyo’s
   1.457 +astonishing love. That was no mask. Her love had sweetly shaken
   1.458 +Sakura’s heart, and was as real as the warmth of the sun. With Tomoyo
   1.459 +gone that love was now distant, and for four months Sakura felt the
   1.460 +ache of loneliness. Slowly she realized what it meant when that love
   1.461 +was absent from her everyday life. Sakura felt on the edge of
   1.462 +collapse before Tomoyo came to Hong Kong, and it was this finally
   1.463 +opened her eyes to what the dark-haired woman meant to her. But poor
   1.464 +Tomoyo had endured years of such desolation, alone, without even the
   1.465 +hope of being with her true love. “She should hate me,” Sakura
   1.466 +thought as she sobbed, “but she still loves me.” Oblivious to the
   1.467 +curious stares and embarrassed glances from people passing buy,
   1.468 +Sakura cried her way to the bus stop that would take her to Silver
   1.469 +Strand Beach.
   1.470 +
   1.471 +When the bus boarded the ferry, Sakura stepped out and stood on the
   1.472 +bow of the little boat chuffing over the water. The sea breeze eased
   1.473 +her distress, and the salt spray cleansed and refreshed her. Gulls
   1.474 +circled and dipped in the late morning sun, greedy for scraps and
   1.475 +tidbits from the tiny humans below. They set up a noisy chorus when a
   1.476 +young boy and his mother hurled pieces of sandwich high into the air.
   1.477 +As the birds pirouted and swooped, snatching the bread in mid-flight,
   1.478 +Sakura remembered flying, remembered the dizzy, dancing joy of
   1.479 +cleaving the air with magical wings. In the air you were free, but
   1.480 +that was a different sort of freedom than what she embraced in Hong
   1.481 +Kong.  Here she had her new life, free from the family and friends of
   1.482 +her old life. She was free, but miserable. Now, far away from
   1.483 +Tomoyo’s affection, she felt a leaden burden that weighed heavier
   1.484 +upon her with each passing day. Worse, by flying away to a life with
   1.485 +the man she loved, she forgot her obligations to her dearest friend.
   1.486 +Sakura remembered a tearful confession in one of her letters, an
   1.487 +apology for not knowing sooner how hard it was for Tomoyo to be
   1.488 +without her true love. The woman replied in soothing tones; you
   1.489 +didn’t now, it’s all right. But she should have known, and it wasn’t
   1.490 +all right at all. Unaware of Tomoyo’s needs, Sakura had proven a
   1.491 +selfish and insensitive friend. She burned with shame at the very
   1.492 +thought of her neglect But all this would change, and it would change
   1.493 +now. She would discover Tomoyo’s special person, and talk to them.
   1.494 +She would tell them of Tomoyo’s precious feelings. And then, she
   1.495 +thought excitedly as she again boarded the bus, Tomoyo would have her
   1.496 +happy ending. Unless, of course, that special person did not love
   1.497 +Tomoyo. What then?
   1.498 +
   1.499 +Sakura slumped in her seat as the bus left the ferry and wound it’s
   1.500 +way up the east coast to the beach. What if this mysterious person
   1.501 +did not share Tomoyo’s feelings, or was already with someone else?
   1.502 +Tomoyo had said as much in her letters, pleading with Sakura to let
   1.503 +things be. Sakura’s hesitation was brief. Her resolution to make up
   1.504 +for past failings drove her forward with staunch determination. She
   1.505 +would help heal the sadness reflected in Tomoyo’s hauntingly
   1.506 +beautiful eyes. There would never be any chance for Tomoyo if this
   1.507 +true love never knew her feelings. And if they did not love her? This
   1.508 +seemed inconceiveable, so Sakura decided to worry about it if it
   1.509 +happened. It felt good, finally knowing what to do. Her mind made up,
   1.510 +Sakura sensed something like contentment as she turned to the
   1.511 +difficult question that had to be answered before she could begin:
   1.512 +just what were her feelings for Tomoyo? 
   1.513 +
   1.514 +When the bus let off the passengers at the beach, Sakura was
   1.515 +relieved to see that there were relatively few people enjoying the
   1.516 +water. She had a towel to lay on, but no swimsuit. She simply wanted
   1.517 +to be here, where they had shared part of an all too brief day
   1.518 +together. Slipping off her sandals, Sakura felt the hot sand beneath
   1.519 +her bare feet. Walking to the water’s edge, she traced the line
   1.520 +between sea and shore, warm water tickling her feet, delightedly
   1.521 +digging her toe into the dark, wet sand. Finally, she found a spot
   1.522 +and laid out the colorful towel, then sat and watched the other
   1.523 +beachgoers. A boy run up to the oncoming waves, squeeled, and then
   1.524 +run back laughing to his mother. The sun was bright and reflected off
   1.525 +the water with a glare, so Sakura closed her eyes and began to try
   1.526 +and understand her feelings for Tomoyo.
   1.527 +
   1.528 +Tomoyo was her best friend, and had been ever since the gift of a
   1.529 +little eraser in third grade. Sakura remembered that first day in
   1.530 +class surprisingly well. Daidouji Tomoyo had been introduced as a
   1.531 +transfer student, bowing shyly as all eyes in the class appraised
   1.532 +her. She was given the seat next to Sakura, and as the new girl
   1.533 +unpacked her books, the brunette gazed at her in wonder. Dressed in a
   1.534 +brand new uniform, lustrous lavender hair covering her back and
   1.535 +shoulders, she was the prettiest girl Sakura had ever seen. When the
   1.536 +Daidouji girl glanced her way, the genki girl flashed a radiant
   1.537 +smile. This brought a crimson blush that graced the new girl’s
   1.538 +strikingly pale skin. Later in the day she saw a distressed Tomoyo
   1.539 +frantically looking in her book bag. Sakura cheerfully gave her an
   1.540 +eraser to correct her mistake, a gift the girl accepted with surprise
   1.541 +and delight. Later they sat together for lunch, talking about family
   1.542 +and food and all the little things so important to children. Sakura
   1.543 +liked her from the very first, and they quickly became best friends.
   1.544 +They were inseparable, sharing moments and memories while the years
   1.545 +passed by like a slow, melodious song. 
   1.546 +
   1.547 +
   1.548 +Everything a best friend should be the pale, kindly girl had been.
   1.549 +She was kind and caring, always there with love and support. Sakura
   1.550 +now wondered if she could ever have gone through the trials of
   1.551 +childhood and adolescence without her. All through the capturing of
   1.552 +the Cards, their transformation, and the final battle with Eriol,
   1.553 +Tomoyo had been by her side. The dark-haired girl filled her with a
   1.554 +confidence she often lacked, and made it possible to meet challenges
   1.555 +that would otherwise have been overwhelming. Tomoyo meant a shoulder
   1.556 +to cry on, a reassuring hug, and words of sympathy and solace. She
   1.557 +adored her friend, and Sakura basked in that glowing adoration. It
   1.558 +was odd to think of it like this, but it was almost as if she were
   1.559 +Tomoyo’s special someone. Tomoyo affection for her best friend made
   1.560 +Sakura feel unique, exceptional, and loved. In turn, she loved Tomoyo
   1.561 +as her best friend. There was a quiet contentment in her presence.
   1.562 +Sometimes they would just sit together, watching a sunset, or leaves
   1.563 +blown in the wind. There was no need for words. Their friendship
   1.564 +found comfort in the intimate silence they shared. Just to be with
   1.565 +her made Sakura’s heart glad. Sakura carried the knowledge that
   1.566 +Tomoyo would always be there for her. She could always rely on Tomoyo
   1.567 +her help, advice, and insight. Sakura passed through childhood
   1.568 +virtually free of fear or anxiety, save for ghosts, of course, There
   1.569 +was no place for fear with Tomoyo as her friend.
   1.570 +
   1.571 +Sakura opened her eyes and squinted against the brilliant sunlight.
   1.572 +She scanned the horizon and saw a small fleet of junks bobbing in the
   1.573 +water, nets hauling in a sparkling catch of fish that glittered like
   1.574 +silver. She loved to eat fish, but was happy not to have to catch
   1.575 +them. The thought of the poor things thrashing helplessly about as
   1.576 +they were hauled out of the water reminded her of last night’s dream,
   1.577 +and she shivered despite the heat. Like the fish, this is how she
   1.578 +felt living in Hong Kong: stunned, disoriented, and desperate.
   1.579 +Struggling to cope with this distress, she slowly discerned its
   1.580 +cause. It was because she missed Tomoyo. She missed the constant,
   1.581 +sparkling presence of the tender girl in far-away Tomoeda. Slowly
   1.582 +Sakura began to fathom the depths of her feelings for her best
   1.583 +friend. She had always liked her, more than any of her other many
   1.584 +friends. But it was more than just liking her that she felt. It was
   1.585 +love. Sakura knew she was terribly dense about human feelings. It was
   1.586 +so very hard to understand her emotions, let alone those of others.
   1.587 +This ignorance caused pain and embarrassment, and even now was the
   1.588 +reason for her curious odyssey. Being away from Tomoyo had thrown her
   1.589 +into an emotional storm, yet all the agony it caused her eyes were
   1.590 +finally opened. She missed Tomoyo so terribly because she loved her. 
   1.591 +
   1.592 +Of course, She missed her other friends, like Naoko, and Chisato,
   1.593 +and Rika. But not like this, not like Tomoyo. Being away from the
   1.594 +azure-eyed girl left her lonely and frantic, teetering on a despair
   1.595 +that should have had no place in her happy married life. So powerful
   1.596 +were her feelings that it no longer made sense to think she simply
   1.597 +“liked” her best friend. She experienced emotions somewhat like this
   1.598 +with Syaoran and Yukito, but nowhere near as deep and intense. In the
   1.599 +time away from Tomoyo, she finally came to understand that she loved
   1.600 +her best friend. But just what did this love mean? At first, she
   1.601 +decided it was the love of friendship. She remembered a moving story
   1.602 +of the ancient Greeks.  It told of a man condemned to death, but
   1.603 +given his freedom to attend a sister’s wedding on the condition that
   1.604 +should he fail to return at the appointed time, his best friend would
   1.605 +die in his place. The man fought through incredible hazards and
   1.606 +hardships, but in the end returned and faced death for the love of
   1.607 +his friend. Sakura cried when she read this tale, and for the first
   1.608 +time understood that love bound friends as surely as it did lovers.
   1.609 +She even wrote about this in a letter to Tomoyo, asking if someone
   1.610 +could be more than a best friend, could be a  “special friend”. But
   1.611 +listening now to waves crashing on the beach, and random cries of
   1.612 +children playing, Sakura knew the love she bore Tomoyo lay beyond the
   1.613 +bounds of friendship.
   1.614 +
   1.615 +
   1.616 +She heard the playful screech of a little girl who was tagged, and
   1.617 +now ran after her former persuer to make them “it”. The sun was
   1.618 +lowering towards the western horizon, bathing the hills of the New
   1.619 +Territories in a fiery orange glow. She suddenly realized she had
   1.620 +forgotten to put suntan lotion on her face and arms. Gingerly the
   1.621 +young woman touched her skin, hoping the burn would not be too
   1.622 +severe. This triggered memories of Tomoyo stretched out on the towel,
   1.623 +Sakura rubbing the cool lotion into her creamy, alabaster skin. The
   1.624 +woman on the beach caught her breath and felt a crimson flush spread
   1.625 +over her neck and cheeks. Shaking her head, she tried to focus on the
   1.626 +question of just how she loved Tomoyo. There was an intimacy between
   1.627 +the two, more like sisters than best friends. Sakura recalled
   1.628 +frantically phoning Tomoyo late one night when she was barely
   1.629 +thirteen.  Suspended between mortified embarrassment and utter
   1.630 +terror, she was sure she had been stricken with some dread disease,
   1.631 +but could not bring herself to ask her brother or father for help.
   1.632 +Only Tomoyo would do. After calming the panicky girl with her soft,
   1.633 +melodious voice, Tomoyo spoke with her mother and quickly returned a
   1.634 +diagnosis was as old as girls and women themselves. In minutes Tomoyo
   1.635 +arrived at the Kinomoto residence to comfort and be with her friend.
   1.636 +Of all the people Sakura had ever known, there was no one she felt
   1.637 +safer with in sharing her most private thoughts and secrets. There
   1.638 +was that special trust of family between them, though without the
   1.639 +irritation she so often felt with her brother. The bond between the
   1.640 +two girls felt deep and ancient, as indeed it was.
   1.641 +
   1.642 +Sakura wondered sometimes about the blood ties between them. Their
   1.643 +Mothers had been cousins, and grew up together in cherished intimacy.
   1.644 +It seemed that Sonomi had loved Nadeshiko, and the two were
   1.645 +inseparable until Fujitaka came between them. It was funny that their
   1.646 +mothers had been so close, just like their daughters. But Marriage
   1.647 +tore them apart, and Sakura now grieved for Sonomi. She was sad, and
   1.648 +even a bit guilty, for if Nadeshiko had blossomed in her marriage,
   1.649 +Sonomi had never quite recovered from her lost love. Tomoyo hinted in
   1.650 +a letter that Sonomi was a bit like Sakura’s sensei friend, and this
   1.651 +comparison cut like a razor. She had seen Jun-sama’s suffering first
   1.652 +hand, and the thought that the kind and beautiful Sonomi shared this
   1.653 +pain was unbearable. 
   1.654 +
   1.655 +Yet as Tomoyo had once laughingly observed, things were curiously
   1.656 +mixed up. While the daughters were, like their mothers, somehow
   1.657 +connected, it was as if Sakura and Tomoyo had been switched at birth.
   1.658 +Each looked and acted much like the other’s mother. Like Sonomi,
   1.659 +Sakura was athletic, hot-tempered, and determined to succeed in all
   1.660 +she did. Tomoyo, like Nadeshiko, was quiet, quirky, and brimming with
   1.661 +love. In an odd way, physical and psychological aspects of the
   1.662 +Amamiya cousins had been blended together in their children. But no
   1.663 +matter how she considered her relationship to Tomoyo, Sakura realized
   1.664 +there was a deeper connection between them than mere friendship.
   1.665 +Although unaware of each other for eight years, the two girls fell
   1.666 +instantly fell together like long lost siblings. For Sakura, Tomoyo
   1.667 +felt like a lost part of her very being. This special affinity for
   1.668 +the dark-haired girl had almost sisterly quality to it. Yet there was
   1.669 +still more to their relationship than that. Even if they had been
   1.670 +sisters, how to explain that awful parting at the airport?
   1.671 +
   1.672 +As Tomoyo boarded her plane, Sakura was swept by a despair she never
   1.673 +thought possible. It dredged up horrific memories from long ago,
   1.674 +memories the shattered woman did not even know existed. When Tomoyo
   1.675 +left, it was as if her Mother had died all over again. But this time,
   1.676 +Sakura did not see with the eyes of an innocent three year old, a
   1.677 +child who could be told that mommy was in a beautiful place in the
   1.678 +sky. This time, she knew Tomoyo was gone, and could not shake the
   1.679 +irrational fear that they might never be together again. Her mother’s
   1.680 +early death did not seem to affect her much in large part because of
   1.681 +Fujitaka. Her father devoted his life to filling the gaping hole left
   1.682 +by the tragic absence of Nadeshiko. Sakura sometimes heard tales of
   1.683 +other fathers from her friends in school. Many fathers were often
   1.684 +absent , seemingly indifferent to their own families. They spent long
   1.685 +hours at grinding jobs, and were too exhausted to take part in family
   1.686 +affairs when they did return. Busy with overtime and obligatory
   1.687 +drinking bouts with the boys, these were the fathers that forgot
   1.688 +birthdays and teacher’s names, who never went to school plays, fairs
   1.689 +or parent’s days. Their sole purpose of winning the bread left little
   1.690 +time to enjoy it. Sometimes Sakura wondered if this was the sort of
   1.691 +father her own husband would prove to be, and this troubled her
   1.692 +greatly. Her father was so very different from all the others. He was
   1.693 +gentle, encouraging, and loved with a mother’s unconditional love. He
   1.694 +had mastered the domestic arts that ironically escaped Nadeshiko
   1.695 +herself: cooking, cleaning, sewing, and the myriad little details
   1.696 +that make a household run properly. But for all his dedicated effort,
   1.697 +the loss of a mother might still have affected Sakura more had it not
   1.698 +been for Tomoyo.      
   1.699 +
   1.700 +Growing up, Sakura loved Tomoyo as the mother she never had. The
   1.701 +very fact she looked like the pictures of Nadeshiko may have
   1.702 +reinforced the girl’s imperceptible feelings. The Daidouji girl’s
   1.703 +nature was very much as Fujitaka had described his wife: sweet,
   1.704 +gentle, placid, and loving. He once remarked that in all their years
   1.705 +together, he had never seen even a trace of anger on her luminous
   1.706 +face. Tomoyo was exactly the same: ever smiling, kind, and caring.
   1.707 +With maternal affection, Tomoyo had nurtured Sakura through the
   1.708 +trials of childhood and adolescence. She was there to ease the hurts
   1.709 +and soothe the pains of growing up. She encouraged the first,
   1.710 +tentative steps towards love with Yukito-san and Li-kun. Sakura often
   1.711 +found herself crying in the arms of Tomoyo, who hugged her back with
   1.712 +in a motherly embrace. In the arms of its mother, a child always
   1.713 +feels that everything will be all right. Even as they whirled
   1.714 +together on the dance floor, when Sakura burst into tears at the
   1.715 +harrowing prospect of Tomoyo’s imminent return to Japan, the dark-
   1.716 +haired woman enfolded her in her arms and brought soothing
   1.717 +reassurance with nothing more than her gentle presence. Yukito might
   1.718 +have said this parental affection was the key to Sakura’s love for
   1.719 +Tomoyo, as it had been for him. Years ago, he told Sakura she loved
   1.720 +him because he was like her beloved father. She agreed, but not
   1.721 +because she believed he was right. She knew her that Touya loved him,
   1.722 +so she said yes, and stepped aside. But if her feelings for Yukito
   1.723 +were not quite true love, they were still more than a schoolgirl
   1.724 +crush. It was painful to let the gentle boy go, but she did. And
   1.725 +Sakura now knew that her love for Tomoyo was no more easily explained
   1.726 +this way than her feelings for Yukito. She had loved Yukito more than
   1.727 +a father figure, and loved Tomoyo more than the mother she never
   1.728 +knew. The kiss in the garden had shattered that explanation for
   1.729 +Sakura’s love. For all her maternal kindness, Tomoyo stirred up
   1.730 +passionate feelings in Sakura that no daughter ever had for her
   1.731 +mother.   
   1.732 +
   1.733 +
   1.734 +Watching a slender, gorgeous, woman preparing to leave the beach
   1.735 +reminded Sakura of Tomoyo slipping out of her white sundress. This
   1.736 +memory summoned a fiery longing that gripped her heart, and the
   1.737 +feverish desire that haunted her recent dreams. She trembled in
   1.738 +remembrance of braiding the long, lavender tresses, the silken feel
   1.739 +of pale skin, the sweet, flowery scent that wafted like a heavenly
   1.740 +little cloud. Tomoyo’s visit awakened a sensuous craving for this
   1.741 +achingly beautiful woman, a desire that previously hovered only on
   1.742 +the rim of Sakura’s awareness. Tomoyo always seemed to her the
   1.743 +prettiest of girls. There was a delicate loveliness about her that
   1.744 +Sakura found irresistible. As childhood passed into adolescence, her
   1.745 +feelings changed with her body, imperceptibly at first, but in the
   1.746 +end irrevocably. So captivated by Syaoran was she that this change in
   1.747 +her feelings almost went unnoticed. Only little hints were left, odd
   1.748 +moments that puzzled her when they happened, and were quickly
   1.749 +forgotten as meaningless puzzles. But now, in the grip of memory,
   1.750 +these puzzles seemed more like keys to resolving the sweet confusion
   1.751 +that played havoc with her heart.
   1.752 +
   1.753 + Most vivid was a memory from the 8th grade, in a gym class where
   1.754 +Tomoyo gamely struggled with a difficult floor exercise. The other
   1.755 +students left for home, but Sakura stayed to help her friend master
   1.756 +the complicated pattern. She spotted for Tomoyo, holding her closely,
   1.757 +guiding her with a sure, firm touch. Slowly at first, the dark-haired
   1.758 +girl caught the rhythm of the movements, and her natural grace and
   1.759 +charm moved Sakura’s heart. For some reason her very nearness
   1.760 +flustered Sakura, distracting her from the lesson she was trying to
   1.761 +impart. Sakura blushed fiercely while Tomoyo, still as a fawn,
   1.762 +daintily arched her supple body and gazed up with trusting eyes.
   1.763 +Breathing raggedly, Sakura stood by her, their faces nearly touching,
   1.764 +utterly enraptured by the wan beauty of the delicate girl. From
   1.765 +nowhere she felt a mad desire to embrace her, caress her, and shower
   1.766 +her with kisses. The brunette leaned closer, heart hammering as their
   1.767 +lips nearly touched. Suddenly she blushed crimson and pulled quickly
   1.768 +away. Tomoyo seemed pleasantly baffled, and then worried as her
   1.769 +friend turned her back and trembled. Sakura stammered out something
   1.770 +about a pulled muscle, and struggled to calm her racing heart. Had
   1.771 +Tomoyo come to her then, with a kindly touch or a concerned hug,
   1.772 +Sakura was unsure just what might have happened. But the odd little
   1.773 +whirlwind passed quickly, and Tomoyo returned to being just a best
   1.774 +friend. Yet this was not the only time that some unseen passion had
   1.775 +seized Sakura’s heart. Tomoyo’s presence had sometimes captivated and
   1.776 +enthralled her in ways she could not fathom. Confused, even
   1.777 +frightened, part of Sakura had succeeded in forgetting these strange,
   1.778 +overpowering little moments. But delving into the depths of her
   1.779 +feelings, Sakura found that these hidden memories now came flooding
   1.780 +back. And these feelings she remembered were the identical to those
   1.781 +in the garden, where she was swept away by an overwhelming love for
   1.782 +Tomoyo. 
   1.783 +
   1.784 +
   1.785 +Sakura stood up and stretched, drained but oddly exhilarated. As day
   1.786 +gave way to night, she gathered her things and walked to board the
   1.787 +approaching bus. She was tantalizingly close now, sensing a
   1.788 +revelation that would make her feelings clear at last. Though she
   1.789 +appeared charmingly normal at first glance, the genki young woman was
   1.790 +unusual in many ways, not least in her utter honesty. Most people shy
   1.791 +away from such  ruthless examinations of their inner feelings. As the
   1.792 +saying goes, they prefer not to stir muddy waters and cause
   1.793 +difficulties. Or, they cling to comfortable illusions, rejecting
   1.794 +thorny and painful realities. As Fanren observed, Sakura was in many
   1.795 +ways a simple girl. She wanted to know what was true, and could not
   1.796 +abide to live a life that was false. Her desire to know had
   1.797 +inexorably driven her to gather the Cards, and then transform them.
   1.798 +In doing so she jeopardized not only her life, but also those most
   1.799 +precious to her. Now she was on a journey to know her true feelings
   1.800 +for Tomoyo, and after that the identity of her best friend’s true
   1.801 +love. Where this journey led, or how it was resolved, did not concern
   1.802 +her at all. Indeed, she was frighteningly innocent of the havoc and
   1.803 +pain such discoveries might unleash. But had she known, she would
   1.804 +have plunged forward regardless, for her determination to understand
   1.805 +was implacable. After a long ride over the ferry and into the City,
   1.806 +she boarded the last electric tram up Victoria Peak. When she exited
   1.807 +the tram and began walking, the exhausted little P.E. teacher caught
   1.808 +a second wind, and raced up the hill to the mansion. Preparing for
   1.809 +bed in her room, Ieran-sama saw her daughter-in-law dashing into the
   1.810 +house, and wondered what she was doing out running at such an hour. 
   1.811 +
   1.812 +Tip-toeing into her room, Sakura retrieved the Cards from their
   1.813 +resting place. For a moment she stood over the sleeping Syaoran,
   1.814 +smiling. Then she slipped away, latched the door, and walked down the
   1.815 +hall to Tomoyo's room. She sat on a chair by the window and gazed at
   1.816 +the garden, dark and silent in the still of night. What happened in
   1.817 +that garden changed everything forever. Never had her love for Tomoyo
   1.818 +felt so strong and all-encompassing. Never had she felt so
   1.819 +deliriously close to another human being. Oddly, it all started with
   1.820 +Tomoyo's wrenching pain. Sakura had seen little slivers of her secret
   1.821 +hurt before, in letters and during the trip to the Matsukaya. But
   1.822 +sitting in the garden, Tomoyo was unwilling or unable to conceal the
   1.823 +torment of life without her special someone. She broke down, sobbing
   1.824 +in Sakura's arms. Sakura's heart was riven as she hugged her tightly,
   1.825 +wishing with all her power that Tomoyo would be all right.
   1.826 +Miraculously, she was. While embraced by Sakura, the pale girl seemed
   1.827 +healed of her terrible hurt. In this blinding moment Sakura realized
   1.828 +the agony of loneliness that her best friend lived with everyday. But
   1.829 +the Mistress of the Cards also saw that in her arms, Tomoyo's pain
   1.830 +was assuaged. She said that with Sakura she was happy, and the full
   1.831 +truth of this at last opened her emerald eyes. Here was yet another
   1.832 +revelation, for Tomoyo needed her as surely as she needed Tomoyo. She
   1.833 +longed to hold and comfort her pale friend, to take away the pain
   1.834 +forever. If indeed she had such power, Sakura vowed now to use it,
   1.835 +regardless of cost or consequence. 
   1.836 +
   1.837 +That night in the garden, Sakura and Tomoyo were like two castaways
   1.838 +washed up on a foreign shore, gazing on a world and each other made
   1.839 +marvelous and new. It was as if Sakura saw Tomoyo, the girl she grew
   1.840 +up with, for the very first time: fragile, vulnerable, and
   1.841 +breathtakingly beautiful. When that enchanting woman came so
   1.842 +enticingly close, a surge of desire swept Sakura’s body and shook her
   1.843 +heart. In that magical kiss, two souls met for the very first time.
   1.844 +Sakura touched her cheek as a sweet warmth enfolded her. The memory
   1.845 +of that kiss lingered still, echoing in her heart, tingling through
   1.846 +every cell of her body. She loved Tomoyo as a friend, a sister, and a
   1.847 +mother. But after they kissed, she knew her love was unimaginably
   1.848 +vast and unbounded, a door to infinite space, a precipice on the edge
   1.849 +of forever. If she had hesitated to step over that awesome threshold,
   1.850 +it was only because the luscious shock of that kiss had left her
   1.851 +utterly enchanted. 
   1.852 +
   1.853 +But now, following her road to the very end, she was awakening. The
   1.854 +meaning of her love for Tomoyo was finally clear. Sitting quietly in
   1.855 +the shimmering night, a gentle rain of tears falling on her folded
   1.856 +hands, Sakura at last understood her feelings. Perhaps deep within a
   1.857 +part of her had suspected or known, all along. But now the splendid
   1.858 +truth resounded throughout her entire being. Sakura could sing, or
   1.859 +cry, or shout this truth, but her steady heartbeat bore a more
   1.860 +eloquent testimony. In her heart nestled a precious knowledge, a
   1.861 +knowledge gained through pain, joy, and time. And what her heart knew
   1.862 +would change her forever.
   1.863 +
   1.864 +Daidouji Tomoyo was her one, True Love.