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comparison stories/dearsakura-19.txt @ 0:ed1308d04df2 moonlitnights
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author | rlm |
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date | Fri, 19 Feb 2010 06:24:59 -0500 |
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1 Dear Sakura | |
2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P. | |
3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com | |
4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com | |
5 | |
6 I. | |
7 Sakura felt the tickling caress of little wavelets as she plowed | |
8 through the gentle waters of the bay. Glancing at a wetly glistening | |
9 Tomoyo, she was met with azure eyes that regarded her with | |
10 affectionate trust. With her odd costumes and curious remarks, the | |
11 dark-haired girl kindled a half-blush, half-heartache that thrilled | |
12 and confused the Mistress of the Cards. But there was no confusion | |
13 now, only a sunny glow that lit Sakura's entire being as she held the | |
14 soft, supple presence of her friend so delightfully close. Gazing | |
15 into the deep water, she was amazed by the strange, colorful fish | |
16 darting about. With mild surprise she scanned the horizon, and | |
17 realized the shore was lost to view. But it didn't seem to matter; | |
18 nothing mattered but being here with Tomoyo. She closed her eyes and | |
19 pulled through the water with slow, leisurely strokes. I could swim | |
20 like this forever, she thought languidly. Her friend’s lustrously | |
21 dark hair was streaming in the water as they swam, and the girl’s | |
22 pale skin sparkled in the dazzling sunlight. Sakura felt a sweet, | |
23 overwhelming longing for the delicate girl by her side, and hugged | |
24 her tightly, entranced by her delightful nearness. Her gaze caught | |
25 the horizon, the seam between sea and sky that sparkled in the far | |
26 distance. Staring at that razor's edge where blue met blue, Sakura | |
27 felt love as she never had before. Yet somehow these feelings had | |
28 always been with her, ever since she had been a child too young to | |
29 know that such love can be. Perplexed by this tangle of emotions, she | |
30 turned to ask her friend to explain this puzzling contradiction. But | |
31 Tomoyo was gone. | |
32 | |
33 Blinking in disbelief, Sakura circled in the water, expecting the | |
34 girl to be bobbing on the shimmering surface nearby. But there was | |
35 nothing, only sea and sky brilliantly lit by the tropical sun. | |
36 Suddenly Sakura remembered, and her heart tightened and froze, "She | |
37 can't swim". She thrashed in the water as panic swept her. But there | |
38 was nothing save the disturbance of her wild swimming on the ocean’s | |
39 placid film. Filling her lungs with air, Sakura dove deep into the | |
40 water. The fish scattered as she swam, leaving her alone as she | |
41 surged forward. The salty brine stung her eyes as she strained to | |
42 see. But there was only water: empty, endless, and vast. Her lungs | |
43 ached as each stroke pulled her deeper. The sea was now cold and dark | |
44 as she left the dappled sunlight extinguished and plunged into a | |
45 black nothingness. Completely disoriented, she lost all sense of | |
46 direction and dimension. As the seconds swept by her heart, starved | |
47 for oxygen, beat wildly out of control. Finally, her body panicked | |
48 and sucked in lungfuls of burning seawater. The darkness spread from | |
49 her vision to her mind as consciousness faded. When she died, the | |
50 pain and panic gave way to a whispering sadness. Her final thoughts | |
51 were of Tomoyo, and how she had failed to save her from drowning. | |
52 | |
53 Sakura lurched out of bed as her lungs desperately gasped for air. | |
54 Her heart hammered in her chest as she slowly came to, eyes | |
55 discerning the dim outlines of her room in the pale starlight. With a | |
56 hand held tightly to her breast, she remembered the dream that | |
57 started so beautifully, and ended so horrifically. Still shaken, she | |
58 slipped out of bed, opened the door, and stood in the hallway. | |
59 Slumping to the floor, she pulled herself into a little ball and sat | |
60 deep in thought. Part of her wanted to forget the awful dream. Surely | |
61 it was nothing more than that; a night terror that dissipated with | |
62 the coming of day. But Kero-chan once said that the dreams of a | |
63 Cardcaptor were often prophetic, and thus important. The very idea | |
64 that this dream held any glint of the future brought a shiver of | |
65 fear. Sakura closed her eyes and forced herself to think. The dream | |
66 had seemed so real. Worse than her own death was failing to save | |
67 Tomoyo. Ever since that night in the garden, the pain in her best | |
68 friend’s eyes had haunted Sakura. Somehow it seemed her fault that | |
69 the dark-haired woman was suffering so. Never did the pale woman | |
70 utter a single reproach, or even a plea for help. But those beautiful | |
71 lavender eyes had betrayed her, and now Sakura knew that something | |
72 was terribly wrong. Sakura also sensed that her friend was faithfully | |
73 waiting for help. Tomoyo's trust was touching, but it frightened | |
74 her. | |
75 | |
76 Helping her friend wasn't a matter of capturing cards or fighting | |
77 with magical forces. All that seemed simple compared to the problem | |
78 of Tomoyo's heart. The person her friend loved she could not have, | |
79 and despite efforts to conceal it, loneliness was a burden that bore | |
80 heavily upon her. Tomoyo would not say who this special someone was, | |
81 and Sakura felt a brief flash of anger. The least they could do is be | |
82 aware of such a wonderful love, and to gently thank Tomoyo for it, | |
83 even if they were unable to return her precious feelings. But then, | |
84 what if they did know? Would that really help her, if they knew of | |
85 her love but did not love her? Frustrated, Sakura rose and walked | |
86 down the hall. She had to do something, anything. She had to help. | |
87 But how? This was like fighting with shadows, dim outlines that she | |
88 could barely perceive. In order to help, she needed to know. Sakura | |
89 had to know who Tomoyo's special someone was. At this, she blushed | |
90 and stopped pacing. Part of her asked mockingly, "And just why do you | |
91 want to know? Are you jealous?" She shook her head, frustrated and | |
92 disturbed by the confused feelings that gripped her. She knew she | |
93 shouldn't feel bad that Tomoyo had her own true love. She knew in her | |
94 heart that she desired Tomoyo’s happiness. But somehow, it hurt not | |
95 to be that special someone. Tomoyo's affection was something she had | |
96 grown up with, as much a part of her life as breathing. That this | |
97 affection now caressed someone else was bittersweet, for while she | |
98 was glad that love lit Tomoyo's gentle heart, it saddened her that | |
99 she was not the one. This realization brought a new storm of | |
100 frustration, and Sakura threw on a skirt and blouse, slipped on a | |
101 pair of sandals, and walked out of the house. | |
102 | |
103 The auburn-haired girl followed the road for a while, and then left | |
104 it for the trail that led to the top of Victoria Peak. The air was | |
105 cool on her face, and it felt good to walk the steep, snaking | |
106 pathway. Through the trees she caught a glimpse of the city below, | |
107 brightly lit and no doubt raucous even now in the early morning. She | |
108 was glad the weekend was approaching, for she needed time. Surely | |
109 this frustrating ignorance was worse than finally discovering who | |
110 Tomoyo's love was. But part of her resisted, as if unwilling to know. | |
111 In fact, part of her simply didn't want Tomoyo to be in love with | |
112 someone else. This brought a blush, and a reprimand as Sakura scolded | |
113 herself for such selfishness. But it was true, and she knew it. She | |
114 had finally realized, during Tomoyo’s trip to Hong Kong, that she | |
115 wanted Tomoyo's love for herself. To be the focus of Tomoyo's | |
116 attention was an ecstasy beyond words. She remembered Tomoyo filming | |
117 in the Matsukaya, remembered twirling and dancing for her friend's | |
118 delight. This brought another blush, for those memories were | |
119 intensely sweet and stirring. Sakura walked far along the pathway in | |
120 this blissful state before her wandering mind returned to the task at | |
121 hand. It occurred to her that her own feelings were part of the | |
122 problem. They clouded her understanding, her ability to solve the | |
123 riddle of Tomoyo's special someone. Until she first understood her | |
124 own feelings, she would never understand Tomoyo’s. This was all so | |
125 complicated, and made the capturing of the Cards seem almost easy. | |
126 | |
127 The Cards were really no more than puzzles to be solved. As time | |
128 went by, she had grown to love them. But at first, they were things | |
129 to be captured, a job to be done. Tomoyo wasn't like that at all. | |
130 Sakura cared deeply for her, and ironically this made it more | |
131 difficult to help. Had she loved the Cards then as she did now, | |
132 capturing and binding them would have been more difficult. She was so | |
133 tangled in her emotions for Tomoyo that she nearly felt overwhelmed. | |
134 And overwhelmed people, as her brother once remarked, are not very | |
135 useful. Somehow, she had to understand her own feelings for the girl | |
136 before she could help her. | |
137 | |
138 Sakura suddenly realized she was nearly at the top of the peak. And | |
139 there, just outside the heavy foliage flanking the trail, was the | |
140 spot they had watched the moonrise together. Sakura walked on the | |
141 soft grass, dew tickling her sandal-clad little feet. She sat down | |
142 and gazed at the islands of the bay shrouded in the dark night. She | |
143 stretched out on her back, hands behind her head, and stared up into | |
144 the sky. The crescent moon was a tiny boat in a sea of stars, the | |
145 vast emptiness illumined by thousands of brightly burning hearts. | |
146 Sometimes she felt their power, her power, the power of the stars. | |
147 When the Cards were all transformed, and Eriol’s final challenge | |
148 overcome, she had never wondered what was next. Her love for Syaoran | |
149 bloomed, thanks to the tender care of her friends. Sakura now | |
150 realized that Tomoyo had helped her friend have a happy marriage that | |
151 she would never have. That would be just like her, Sakura thought | |
152 with a trace of sadness. She remembered the look in her eyes as they | |
153 watched the parade of wedding dresses at the department store. "She | |
154 must have felt that pain for a long time, but she hid it from me. | |
155 Why? Why would she hide something like that? Because she didn't want | |
156 me to feel bad. I was so happy to be married, and she didn't want to | |
157 spoil my happiness with her feelings. I just ignored her all those | |
158 years. It's like I didn't care at all." | |
159 | |
160 Sakura sat up, damp from the dew and fighting back tears. She stared | |
161 at the hands folded on her lap and whispered miserably, "I'm so | |
162 sorry, Tomoyo-chan. I didn't know. I should have, but I just didn't | |
163 know". She clenched her fists angrily. That was no excuse then, and | |
164 it was no excuse now. Tomoyo was suffering, and needed her. Somehow, | |
165 she had to help. She had to find Tomoyo's special someone and tell | |
166 them. At least then Tomoyo's love would be appreciated, even if this | |
167 person could not be with her. But would this really be any | |
168 consolation? Poor Tomoyo would love this person with all her heart, | |
169 but she would have nobody to love her. It all seemed so wrong and | |
170 unfair. Tomoyo's love was like nothing Sakura had ever experienced. | |
171 Even as just a friend, the joy and bliss of being loved by this | |
172 wonderful girl was staggering. Through the years Sakura had been | |
173 unaware of how luminous Tomoyo’s love was. "Only when I moved to Hong | |
174 Kong," she thought, "did I really know what it would mean to be away | |
175 from her". She tried to explain this to Tomoyo when they danced the | |
176 night before she left for Japan, but words failed her as surely as | |
177 she had failed Tomoyo. She stumblingly groped for words because she | |
178 herself did not fully understand. Even now, all she really knew was | |
179 that she missed Tomoyo desperately and longed to be with her. And if | |
180 she did not know her own feelings, how could she possibly hope to | |
181 help Tomoyo? Sakura stood up and hugged herself as a chill breeze | |
182 swept the grassy swale. The sky had turned a pale gray. Dawn. | |
183 | |
184 Sakura smiled, for if resolution would not absolve her of the hurt | |
185 she had caused, it would at least set her guilt aside until she | |
186 finished this important task. She would help Tomoyo, but to do so she | |
187 must first know her own feelings. Until then, it would be impossible | |
188 to find her way. Her feelings were inextricably bound with the | |
189 beautiful dark-haired girl, but once they were unraveled she would | |
190 see her way more clearly. But how could she know her own heart? She | |
191 faced that riddle when Syaoran was leaving for Hong Kong. Then she | |
192 was lucky, for friends told her what her heart desired. But now she | |
193 was frighteningly alone, and did not know where to go for help. The | |
194 one person she could trust ultimately was far away in Japan Besides, | |
195 Sakura thought, even if she were at my side I couldn't ask her about | |
196 this. The thought of the pale girl again at her side was a pleasant | |
197 one, and brought back memories in a flood. Here they snuggled | |
198 together, Tomoyo resting her head on Sakura’s shoulder while the moon | |
199 sailed a velvet sky. Sakura longed to have those moments back, to | |
200 live them again and again for all eternity. But sweet memories would | |
201 not heal the hurts she had caused, and the Mistress of the Cards | |
202 purged them from her mind. Clenching her fists, Sakura looked out at | |
203 the dawn with determined eyes. Her voice was firm as she said out | |
204 loud, | |
205 | |
206 "I'll ask Dark-sama and Light-sama about my feelings. I'll make them | |
207 tell me." | |
208 | |
209 And for the instant these words were uttered, she looked like what | |
210 she truly was: the most powerful being on earth. And her countenance | |
211 was terrible to behold. | |
212 | |
213 II. | |
214 All through the day that followed that dawn, Sakura thought about | |
215 the task ahead. At dinner Ieran-sama asked if she felt all right, | |
216 "You are unusually quiet tonight, Sakura." | |
217 | |
218 Sakura looked slightly surprised and bowed, "I'm fine, Ieran-sama. | |
219 Thank you for your concern." | |
220 | |
221 Fanren chirped in with a giggly voice, "Quiet, hmm? Maybe you've | |
222 been around Syaoran-chan too long. Next thing you'll be all dour and | |
223 grumpy, too." | |
224 | |
225 Syaoran scowled and poked at his rice. But that only brought a fresh | |
226 storm of teasing from Fanren, eager to see her little brother stalk | |
227 off in a huff. Ieran-sama ended the game when she ordered the dishes | |
228 cleared, and after helping to clean up Sakura worked on papers from | |
229 school. After kissing Syaoran goodnight, she waited until the house | |
230 was silent, and stole into the guest room. Or, as she now called it, | |
231 Tomoyo’s room. | |
232 | |
233 She took the Cards from the drawer of the old colonial desk, and | |
234 decided Shield would seal her off from the rest of the household. | |
235 Looking at her skirt and blouse, she wished they were not quite so | |
236 plain. Kero always said the Cards preferred a proper looking | |
237 Mistress, and Tomoyo's creations had seemingly charmed and impressed | |
238 them. Certainly Kero had approved, Sakura thought ruefully, | |
239 especially when he got to share in the sartorial splendor. Well, what | |
240 she now wore would have to do. She pulled the chain around her neck | |
241 from her blouse and spoke the chant of power. In a blinding flash | |
242 Shield came to life, barring the doors and windows with golden | |
243 chains. Holding her staff in one hand, Sakura picked up The Dark and | |
244 The Light and flicked them into the air. With a twirl and a flourish | |
245 she awakened them amid a gale of shadow and blaze. They stood before | |
246 her shimmering with power, beautiful and majestic. Instinctively she | |
247 bowed, and they returned her bow with graceful solemnity. Light | |
248 smiled cheerfully and spoke while Dark waited pensively, | |
249 | |
250 “Konbanwa, Sakura-chan. How are you this lovely evening”? Despite | |
251 her earnestness, Sakura smiled in sheer delight. The beauty of the | |
252 two was always such a joy to behold. They stood together, | |
253 affectionately holding hands, long, lustrous hair floating as if they | |
254 were underwater. They were a perfect contrast, yet a perfect pair, | |
255 and Sakura’s heart ached to see them together. She was always careful | |
256 to place the two cards next to one another, for which Light had | |
257 laughingly thanked her, but said it was unnecessary, “We have always | |
258 been together, and ever shall be.” But Sakura now tried to look | |
259 serious, for she knew the two could be cryptic, playfully hiding the | |
260 knowledge she desired. In a commanding voice, edged with the power of | |
261 the Mistress of the Cards, Sakura spoke, | |
262 | |
263 “Thank you, Light-sama. I am well. But there is something I need | |
264 from you.” | |
265 | |
266 The response was so different from the young woman’s normal tone | |
267 that Light-sama was taken aback and did not reply. Dark-sama spoke in | |
268 a voice like rustlings in the shadows, “Speak, Mistress, for all we | |
269 have is yours to ask for”. | |
270 | |
271 Uncomfortable with such a formal reply, Sakura shifted her stance. | |
272 She was never like this with the Cards, and it all seemed very out of | |
273 place. But she had to find out for Tomoyo’s sake, so again she spoke | |
274 up firmly, “I need to know my feelings for Tomoyo-chan”. | |
275 | |
276 Sakura thought she detected the briefest hint of a smile on Dark- | |
277 sama’s normally impassive face. But it was Light-sama that answered | |
278 back in a ringing, almost angry, challenge, “We cannot do what you | |
279 ask”. | |
280 | |
281 Sakura looked down at the floor, wishing she had one of Tomoyo’s | |
282 impressive costumes to make her feel more imperious than she felt. | |
283 Suddenly a flash of anger energized her, and in a stern voice that | |
284 shook the room she shot back, “I can command you to answer”. | |
285 | |
286 Light-sama looked surprised, and a nearly imperceptible trace of | |
287 fear darkened the light that glowed all around her. She quickly | |
288 recovered, fixing Sakura with a haughty stare. She began to reply, | |
289 but Dark-sama gently touched her shoulder, calming her at a glance | |
290 with dark, gentle eyes. The shadowy figure then turned to Sakura and | |
291 stepped forward. She knelt down and bowed low, forehead touching the | |
292 floor, black hair forming a darkly radiant pool on the floor. Her | |
293 feathery voice was mild and meek, | |
294 | |
295 “It is your right as Mistress of the Cards. You may command us, if | |
296 that is truly your wish.” | |
297 | |
298 Sakura’s heart sank. It felt so awful, as if she were forcing them | |
299 to do her bidding like servants, or even slaves. She knew that was | |
300 how Clow Reed had dealt with them; even Yue and Kereberous never | |
301 dared address him as other than “Master”. But Sakura loved her Cards, | |
302 not as their Master but as their friend, and it hurt her to see Dark- | |
303 sama bowing like this. Trembling, she realized she could never force | |
304 them against their will, even if she did have the right. Her | |
305 shoulders slumped and she lowered the staff, defeated by the gentle | |
306 submission of Dark-sama. Verging on tears she answered haltingly, | |
307 “Gomenesai, Dark-sama, Light-sama. I don’t want to be like that with | |
308 you. I can’t.” She looked up, her emerald eyes wet with tears. Light- | |
309 sama again stared in surprise, but this time with pity, not defiance. | |
310 Dark-sama smiled as she rose gracefully from her bow, then leaned | |
311 over and placed her hands on the woman’s shoulders. Her tranquil | |
312 voice was melodious and calming, | |
313 | |
314 “That is why the Cards love you so, Sakura-chan. We would do | |
315 anything for you, because you do not command us. But we cannot tell | |
316 you your feelings for Tomoyo. We cannot tell you, because only you | |
317 can know what is in your heart.” | |
318 | |
319 Sakura again remembered agonizing over Syaoran’s departure to Hong | |
320 Kong. How would she have known what was in her own heart if her | |
321 friends had not helped her, nudged her, and all but told her that | |
322 Syaoran was her true love? As if reading her thoughts, Light-sama | |
323 spoke up brightly, | |
324 | |
325 “Others cannot know such things, and though they mean to help they | |
326 bring confusion, not light. Sakura-chan, you have never really known | |
327 your own heart, or these feelings would not be a mystery to you. You | |
328 must do this yourself if you would know the truth”. | |
329 | |
330 Sakura looked hesitant and uncertain. She was confident in many | |
331 things, but not this. Not knowing her own feelings. They had always | |
332 been baffling, an emotional web that frustrated and bound her. She | |
333 had been so thankful when everyone had helped her before. But if this | |
334 was something she must do alone, then she would try her hardest. For | |
335 Tomoyo’s sake she could not fail. Sakura felt a surge of strength | |
336 that steeled her determination. She bowed low to the wise and | |
337 beautiful women. Her smile was bright and confident as she spoke with | |
338 an enthusiastic but steady voice, “Thank you so very much, Dark-sama | |
339 and Light-sama. I promise I will try my best.” | |
340 | |
341 | |
342 The two women shimmered before her, smiles filling her with peace | |
343 and strength. She resisted the urge to hug them, and instead bowed | |
344 again and returned Shield to its card form. As Sakura turned to go, | |
345 Light-sama approached her. Breathless, she saw the glowing figure | |
346 lean over her, golden hair waving in the air like seaweed in an ocean | |
347 swell. She met Sakura’s forehead with a tender kiss and the words, | |
348 “To help light your way, Mistress”. Sakura felt a surge of warmth and | |
349 hope, and smiled radiantly as she bowed her thanks. With that the | |
350 young woman was gone, leaving Dark and Light to linger awhile, | |
351 content in the eloquent silence of each other’s company. | |
352 | |
353 III. | |
354 Sakura stirred her coffee with absent-minded detachment. The quaint | |
355 little café overlooked the Bay, offering a scenic vista of ferryboats | |
356 and seagulls. But Sakura’s attention was far away, in another time | |
357 and place altogether. She had wandered the landscape of childhood all | |
358 day long, and like an explorer returning home came bearing strange | |
359 and exotic memories. She realized now that her time as a child had | |
360 been like the nursery-rhyme song so dimly remembered: “Merrily, | |
361 merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream”. It was as if she had | |
362 dreamt away her years in Tomoeda, and now awakened to the marvels | |
363 that filled her pleasant slumber. | |
364 | |
365 Above all else was the extraordinary love of her best friend, | |
366 Tomoyo. This love had been sweetly present all through her life. As | |
367 she meandered through memory she saw it in places unsuspected and | |
368 unlooked for. Love was there in all the girl did and all that she | |
369 was. Love was sewn into the elaborate costumes Sakura had worn in | |
370 capturing the Cards. At the time, their excess of kawaii had caused | |
371 the Cardcaptor no end of embarrassment. Yet Tomoyo sewed them with | |
372 meticulous care, and if they were playful and carefree, they also | |
373 marked Sakura in a singular way as the new Cardcaptor. But most of | |
374 all they reflected the glowing love that Tomoyo held for her. The | |
375 girl was ecstatic when her friend wore them, and that crazy, innocent | |
376 delight was something Sakura painfully missed. No longer embarrassed, | |
377 she longed once again be the focus of the rapturous love. | |
378 | |
379 Tomoyo’s love embraced her in a comforting cocoon of blissful | |
380 contentment, yet it also tossed her into the sky, deliriously free to | |
381 soar beyond limits she would never have dared on her own. Tomoyo’s | |
382 love was vast and deep, a mysterious ocean that gently rocked and | |
383 swayed Sakura’s heart. Tomoyo gave her strength and hope, help and | |
384 solace, and the delightful charm of her shinning presence. “And what | |
385 did I give her?” Sakura thought in a hot flash of shame. “I took all | |
386 my problems to her, and she helped me every time. But I didn’t help | |
387 her. I didn’t even know about her special love. She did so much for | |
388 me, and I never even let her know. I didn’t even know myself.” This | |
389 last thought seemed particularly bitter. | |
390 | |
391 Sakura realized that Tomoyo had paid a dear price for her friend’s | |
392 denseness. “She supported me, and I ignored her. I took her for | |
393 granted, like she would always be there, just for me. How could I | |
394 have been so selfish?” So powerful and ever-present was Tomoyo’s love | |
395 that Sakura simply grew used to it. It pained her to think so, but it | |
396 could not be denied. Like air and water, Tomoyo’s love was something | |
397 Sakura needed, and unconsciously came to expect. She had taken her | |
398 marvelous friend for granted. She knew this now because Tomoyo was | |
399 far away, and that love and affection were no longer a part of | |
400 Sakura’s daily life. This knowledge made the memories of her time in | |
401 school with Syaoran especially hard to face. When Syaoran returned | |
402 from Hong Kong, she had flown to his arms, losing herself in the | |
403 Chinese magician. Enamored by his stoic strength and charmed by his | |
404 stingily given attentions, she had been oblivious to all else. She | |
405 remembered the time they sat in swings at the park while she spoke | |
406 about her feelings for Yukito. She was deeply moved as he silently | |
407 listened to her, but now she wondered if his silence was more a lack | |
408 of interest than concern. But how many times had Tomoyo listened to | |
409 her problems and worries, really listened with all her heart and | |
410 spirit? She was always there, sympathetic and caring, listening to | |
411 confessions and sobs until dawn chased the stars away. Even now it | |
412 was Tomoyo she went to with all of her problems, as well as her | |
413 delights and joys. But Sakura had hardly given Tomoyo’s fragile heart | |
414 a second thought. She always assumed the girl was happy, for the dark- | |
415 haired girl never spoke of the pain and hurt that Sakura had seen so | |
416 recently in her eyes. | |
417 | |
418 Was this pain new? Had her friend sailed blithely through childhood | |
419 without worry or care? It was comforting to think, but Sakura sensed | |
420 it was not so. No, Tomoyo must have had some sadness and | |
421 disappointment throughout the years they were together. But she had | |
422 never said a word, and Sakura had never asked. She kept whatever | |
423 troubled her to herself, but why? The answer, Sakura thought as she | |
424 sipped her cold coffee, was stark and obvious: for me. | |
425 | |
426 Not only was Tomoyo always there for her, but she carefully kept her | |
427 own problems from Sakura as well. The toll these years of sacrifice | |
428 must have cost her friend seemed staggering. On the brink of tears, | |
429 Sakura thought to herself, “She was always there for me, and happy | |
430 for me, and silent for me. And I never even knew”. Hurriedly leaving | |
431 money on the table, she began headed into the center of the busy | |
432 city. Walking usually eased her heart, but not today. She thought of | |
433 those last years in High School where her world revolved around | |
434 Syaoran. Sometimes he was all she could think about. When he was in | |
435 Japan they were always together, and when he was absent she talked | |
436 and thought and dreamed about him, and little else. Never did she ask | |
437 about Tomoyo’s crushes, or dates, or cherished hopes. There weren’t | |
438 any, of course; only a hopeless love from afar that left her lonely, | |
439 a shattered heart her only confidante. Ever since Tomoyo explained | |
440 the reason for not buying a teddy bear for her special someone, | |
441 Sakura had assumed her odd friend was content with unrequited love. | |
442 She thought of her reply at the time, “I know Tomoyo’s special person | |
443 must be very happy”. Now it sounded shallow and ridiculous, and the | |
444 memory of her remark made her physically ill. | |
445 | |
446 “Baka.” Sakura felt a rare anger welling up inside, an anger that | |
447 accused her of a cruel disregard, “It’s a wonder she can stand to be | |
448 around me.” Yet this was one of the many miracles of her dearest | |
449 friend. Never once, in any way, did Tomoyo betray a trace of anger or | |
450 reproach. Not a word, or a gesture, or a sign did she give of the | |
451 wrong that Sakura had done her through a carefree and foolish | |
452 neglect. She hid her pain, and all those years Sakura did not see. | |
453 But what she did see, despite the hurt done her, was Tomoyo’s | |
454 astonishing love. That was no mask. Her love had sweetly shaken | |
455 Sakura’s heart, and was as real as the warmth of the sun. With Tomoyo | |
456 gone that love was now distant, and for four months Sakura felt the | |
457 ache of loneliness. Slowly she realized what it meant when that love | |
458 was absent from her everyday life. Sakura felt on the edge of | |
459 collapse before Tomoyo came to Hong Kong, and it was this finally | |
460 opened her eyes to what the dark-haired woman meant to her. But poor | |
461 Tomoyo had endured years of such desolation, alone, without even the | |
462 hope of being with her true love. “She should hate me,” Sakura | |
463 thought as she sobbed, “but she still loves me.” Oblivious to the | |
464 curious stares and embarrassed glances from people passing buy, | |
465 Sakura cried her way to the bus stop that would take her to Silver | |
466 Strand Beach. | |
467 | |
468 When the bus boarded the ferry, Sakura stepped out and stood on the | |
469 bow of the little boat chuffing over the water. The sea breeze eased | |
470 her distress, and the salt spray cleansed and refreshed her. Gulls | |
471 circled and dipped in the late morning sun, greedy for scraps and | |
472 tidbits from the tiny humans below. They set up a noisy chorus when a | |
473 young boy and his mother hurled pieces of sandwich high into the air. | |
474 As the birds pirouted and swooped, snatching the bread in mid-flight, | |
475 Sakura remembered flying, remembered the dizzy, dancing joy of | |
476 cleaving the air with magical wings. In the air you were free, but | |
477 that was a different sort of freedom than what she embraced in Hong | |
478 Kong. Here she had her new life, free from the family and friends of | |
479 her old life. She was free, but miserable. Now, far away from | |
480 Tomoyo’s affection, she felt a leaden burden that weighed heavier | |
481 upon her with each passing day. Worse, by flying away to a life with | |
482 the man she loved, she forgot her obligations to her dearest friend. | |
483 Sakura remembered a tearful confession in one of her letters, an | |
484 apology for not knowing sooner how hard it was for Tomoyo to be | |
485 without her true love. The woman replied in soothing tones; you | |
486 didn’t now, it’s all right. But she should have known, and it wasn’t | |
487 all right at all. Unaware of Tomoyo’s needs, Sakura had proven a | |
488 selfish and insensitive friend. She burned with shame at the very | |
489 thought of her neglect But all this would change, and it would change | |
490 now. She would discover Tomoyo’s special person, and talk to them. | |
491 She would tell them of Tomoyo’s precious feelings. And then, she | |
492 thought excitedly as she again boarded the bus, Tomoyo would have her | |
493 happy ending. Unless, of course, that special person did not love | |
494 Tomoyo. What then? | |
495 | |
496 Sakura slumped in her seat as the bus left the ferry and wound it’s | |
497 way up the east coast to the beach. What if this mysterious person | |
498 did not share Tomoyo’s feelings, or was already with someone else? | |
499 Tomoyo had said as much in her letters, pleading with Sakura to let | |
500 things be. Sakura’s hesitation was brief. Her resolution to make up | |
501 for past failings drove her forward with staunch determination. She | |
502 would help heal the sadness reflected in Tomoyo’s hauntingly | |
503 beautiful eyes. There would never be any chance for Tomoyo if this | |
504 true love never knew her feelings. And if they did not love her? This | |
505 seemed inconceiveable, so Sakura decided to worry about it if it | |
506 happened. It felt good, finally knowing what to do. Her mind made up, | |
507 Sakura sensed something like contentment as she turned to the | |
508 difficult question that had to be answered before she could begin: | |
509 just what were her feelings for Tomoyo? | |
510 | |
511 When the bus let off the passengers at the beach, Sakura was | |
512 relieved to see that there were relatively few people enjoying the | |
513 water. She had a towel to lay on, but no swimsuit. She simply wanted | |
514 to be here, where they had shared part of an all too brief day | |
515 together. Slipping off her sandals, Sakura felt the hot sand beneath | |
516 her bare feet. Walking to the water’s edge, she traced the line | |
517 between sea and shore, warm water tickling her feet, delightedly | |
518 digging her toe into the dark, wet sand. Finally, she found a spot | |
519 and laid out the colorful towel, then sat and watched the other | |
520 beachgoers. A boy run up to the oncoming waves, squeeled, and then | |
521 run back laughing to his mother. The sun was bright and reflected off | |
522 the water with a glare, so Sakura closed her eyes and began to try | |
523 and understand her feelings for Tomoyo. | |
524 | |
525 Tomoyo was her best friend, and had been ever since the gift of a | |
526 little eraser in third grade. Sakura remembered that first day in | |
527 class surprisingly well. Daidouji Tomoyo had been introduced as a | |
528 transfer student, bowing shyly as all eyes in the class appraised | |
529 her. She was given the seat next to Sakura, and as the new girl | |
530 unpacked her books, the brunette gazed at her in wonder. Dressed in a | |
531 brand new uniform, lustrous lavender hair covering her back and | |
532 shoulders, she was the prettiest girl Sakura had ever seen. When the | |
533 Daidouji girl glanced her way, the genki girl flashed a radiant | |
534 smile. This brought a crimson blush that graced the new girl’s | |
535 strikingly pale skin. Later in the day she saw a distressed Tomoyo | |
536 frantically looking in her book bag. Sakura cheerfully gave her an | |
537 eraser to correct her mistake, a gift the girl accepted with surprise | |
538 and delight. Later they sat together for lunch, talking about family | |
539 and food and all the little things so important to children. Sakura | |
540 liked her from the very first, and they quickly became best friends. | |
541 They were inseparable, sharing moments and memories while the years | |
542 passed by like a slow, melodious song. | |
543 | |
544 | |
545 Everything a best friend should be the pale, kindly girl had been. | |
546 She was kind and caring, always there with love and support. Sakura | |
547 now wondered if she could ever have gone through the trials of | |
548 childhood and adolescence without her. All through the capturing of | |
549 the Cards, their transformation, and the final battle with Eriol, | |
550 Tomoyo had been by her side. The dark-haired girl filled her with a | |
551 confidence she often lacked, and made it possible to meet challenges | |
552 that would otherwise have been overwhelming. Tomoyo meant a shoulder | |
553 to cry on, a reassuring hug, and words of sympathy and solace. She | |
554 adored her friend, and Sakura basked in that glowing adoration. It | |
555 was odd to think of it like this, but it was almost as if she were | |
556 Tomoyo’s special someone. Tomoyo affection for her best friend made | |
557 Sakura feel unique, exceptional, and loved. In turn, she loved Tomoyo | |
558 as her best friend. There was a quiet contentment in her presence. | |
559 Sometimes they would just sit together, watching a sunset, or leaves | |
560 blown in the wind. There was no need for words. Their friendship | |
561 found comfort in the intimate silence they shared. Just to be with | |
562 her made Sakura’s heart glad. Sakura carried the knowledge that | |
563 Tomoyo would always be there for her. She could always rely on Tomoyo | |
564 her help, advice, and insight. Sakura passed through childhood | |
565 virtually free of fear or anxiety, save for ghosts, of course, There | |
566 was no place for fear with Tomoyo as her friend. | |
567 | |
568 Sakura opened her eyes and squinted against the brilliant sunlight. | |
569 She scanned the horizon and saw a small fleet of junks bobbing in the | |
570 water, nets hauling in a sparkling catch of fish that glittered like | |
571 silver. She loved to eat fish, but was happy not to have to catch | |
572 them. The thought of the poor things thrashing helplessly about as | |
573 they were hauled out of the water reminded her of last night’s dream, | |
574 and she shivered despite the heat. Like the fish, this is how she | |
575 felt living in Hong Kong: stunned, disoriented, and desperate. | |
576 Struggling to cope with this distress, she slowly discerned its | |
577 cause. It was because she missed Tomoyo. She missed the constant, | |
578 sparkling presence of the tender girl in far-away Tomoeda. Slowly | |
579 Sakura began to fathom the depths of her feelings for her best | |
580 friend. She had always liked her, more than any of her other many | |
581 friends. But it was more than just liking her that she felt. It was | |
582 love. Sakura knew she was terribly dense about human feelings. It was | |
583 so very hard to understand her emotions, let alone those of others. | |
584 This ignorance caused pain and embarrassment, and even now was the | |
585 reason for her curious odyssey. Being away from Tomoyo had thrown her | |
586 into an emotional storm, yet all the agony it caused her eyes were | |
587 finally opened. She missed Tomoyo so terribly because she loved her. | |
588 | |
589 Of course, She missed her other friends, like Naoko, and Chisato, | |
590 and Rika. But not like this, not like Tomoyo. Being away from the | |
591 azure-eyed girl left her lonely and frantic, teetering on a despair | |
592 that should have had no place in her happy married life. So powerful | |
593 were her feelings that it no longer made sense to think she simply | |
594 “liked” her best friend. She experienced emotions somewhat like this | |
595 with Syaoran and Yukito, but nowhere near as deep and intense. In the | |
596 time away from Tomoyo, she finally came to understand that she loved | |
597 her best friend. But just what did this love mean? At first, she | |
598 decided it was the love of friendship. She remembered a moving story | |
599 of the ancient Greeks. It told of a man condemned to death, but | |
600 given his freedom to attend a sister’s wedding on the condition that | |
601 should he fail to return at the appointed time, his best friend would | |
602 die in his place. The man fought through incredible hazards and | |
603 hardships, but in the end returned and faced death for the love of | |
604 his friend. Sakura cried when she read this tale, and for the first | |
605 time understood that love bound friends as surely as it did lovers. | |
606 She even wrote about this in a letter to Tomoyo, asking if someone | |
607 could be more than a best friend, could be a “special friend”. But | |
608 listening now to waves crashing on the beach, and random cries of | |
609 children playing, Sakura knew the love she bore Tomoyo lay beyond the | |
610 bounds of friendship. | |
611 | |
612 | |
613 She heard the playful screech of a little girl who was tagged, and | |
614 now ran after her former persuer to make them “it”. The sun was | |
615 lowering towards the western horizon, bathing the hills of the New | |
616 Territories in a fiery orange glow. She suddenly realized she had | |
617 forgotten to put suntan lotion on her face and arms. Gingerly the | |
618 young woman touched her skin, hoping the burn would not be too | |
619 severe. This triggered memories of Tomoyo stretched out on the towel, | |
620 Sakura rubbing the cool lotion into her creamy, alabaster skin. The | |
621 woman on the beach caught her breath and felt a crimson flush spread | |
622 over her neck and cheeks. Shaking her head, she tried to focus on the | |
623 question of just how she loved Tomoyo. There was an intimacy between | |
624 the two, more like sisters than best friends. Sakura recalled | |
625 frantically phoning Tomoyo late one night when she was barely | |
626 thirteen. Suspended between mortified embarrassment and utter | |
627 terror, she was sure she had been stricken with some dread disease, | |
628 but could not bring herself to ask her brother or father for help. | |
629 Only Tomoyo would do. After calming the panicky girl with her soft, | |
630 melodious voice, Tomoyo spoke with her mother and quickly returned a | |
631 diagnosis was as old as girls and women themselves. In minutes Tomoyo | |
632 arrived at the Kinomoto residence to comfort and be with her friend. | |
633 Of all the people Sakura had ever known, there was no one she felt | |
634 safer with in sharing her most private thoughts and secrets. There | |
635 was that special trust of family between them, though without the | |
636 irritation she so often felt with her brother. The bond between the | |
637 two girls felt deep and ancient, as indeed it was. | |
638 | |
639 Sakura wondered sometimes about the blood ties between them. Their | |
640 Mothers had been cousins, and grew up together in cherished intimacy. | |
641 It seemed that Sonomi had loved Nadeshiko, and the two were | |
642 inseparable until Fujitaka came between them. It was funny that their | |
643 mothers had been so close, just like their daughters. But Marriage | |
644 tore them apart, and Sakura now grieved for Sonomi. She was sad, and | |
645 even a bit guilty, for if Nadeshiko had blossomed in her marriage, | |
646 Sonomi had never quite recovered from her lost love. Tomoyo hinted in | |
647 a letter that Sonomi was a bit like Sakura’s sensei friend, and this | |
648 comparison cut like a razor. She had seen Jun-sama’s suffering first | |
649 hand, and the thought that the kind and beautiful Sonomi shared this | |
650 pain was unbearable. | |
651 | |
652 Yet as Tomoyo had once laughingly observed, things were curiously | |
653 mixed up. While the daughters were, like their mothers, somehow | |
654 connected, it was as if Sakura and Tomoyo had been switched at birth. | |
655 Each looked and acted much like the other’s mother. Like Sonomi, | |
656 Sakura was athletic, hot-tempered, and determined to succeed in all | |
657 she did. Tomoyo, like Nadeshiko, was quiet, quirky, and brimming with | |
658 love. In an odd way, physical and psychological aspects of the | |
659 Amamiya cousins had been blended together in their children. But no | |
660 matter how she considered her relationship to Tomoyo, Sakura realized | |
661 there was a deeper connection between them than mere friendship. | |
662 Although unaware of each other for eight years, the two girls fell | |
663 instantly fell together like long lost siblings. For Sakura, Tomoyo | |
664 felt like a lost part of her very being. This special affinity for | |
665 the dark-haired girl had almost sisterly quality to it. Yet there was | |
666 still more to their relationship than that. Even if they had been | |
667 sisters, how to explain that awful parting at the airport? | |
668 | |
669 As Tomoyo boarded her plane, Sakura was swept by a despair she never | |
670 thought possible. It dredged up horrific memories from long ago, | |
671 memories the shattered woman did not even know existed. When Tomoyo | |
672 left, it was as if her Mother had died all over again. But this time, | |
673 Sakura did not see with the eyes of an innocent three year old, a | |
674 child who could be told that mommy was in a beautiful place in the | |
675 sky. This time, she knew Tomoyo was gone, and could not shake the | |
676 irrational fear that they might never be together again. Her mother’s | |
677 early death did not seem to affect her much in large part because of | |
678 Fujitaka. Her father devoted his life to filling the gaping hole left | |
679 by the tragic absence of Nadeshiko. Sakura sometimes heard tales of | |
680 other fathers from her friends in school. Many fathers were often | |
681 absent , seemingly indifferent to their own families. They spent long | |
682 hours at grinding jobs, and were too exhausted to take part in family | |
683 affairs when they did return. Busy with overtime and obligatory | |
684 drinking bouts with the boys, these were the fathers that forgot | |
685 birthdays and teacher’s names, who never went to school plays, fairs | |
686 or parent’s days. Their sole purpose of winning the bread left little | |
687 time to enjoy it. Sometimes Sakura wondered if this was the sort of | |
688 father her own husband would prove to be, and this troubled her | |
689 greatly. Her father was so very different from all the others. He was | |
690 gentle, encouraging, and loved with a mother’s unconditional love. He | |
691 had mastered the domestic arts that ironically escaped Nadeshiko | |
692 herself: cooking, cleaning, sewing, and the myriad little details | |
693 that make a household run properly. But for all his dedicated effort, | |
694 the loss of a mother might still have affected Sakura more had it not | |
695 been for Tomoyo. | |
696 | |
697 Growing up, Sakura loved Tomoyo as the mother she never had. The | |
698 very fact she looked like the pictures of Nadeshiko may have | |
699 reinforced the girl’s imperceptible feelings. The Daidouji girl’s | |
700 nature was very much as Fujitaka had described his wife: sweet, | |
701 gentle, placid, and loving. He once remarked that in all their years | |
702 together, he had never seen even a trace of anger on her luminous | |
703 face. Tomoyo was exactly the same: ever smiling, kind, and caring. | |
704 With maternal affection, Tomoyo had nurtured Sakura through the | |
705 trials of childhood and adolescence. She was there to ease the hurts | |
706 and soothe the pains of growing up. She encouraged the first, | |
707 tentative steps towards love with Yukito-san and Li-kun. Sakura often | |
708 found herself crying in the arms of Tomoyo, who hugged her back with | |
709 in a motherly embrace. In the arms of its mother, a child always | |
710 feels that everything will be all right. Even as they whirled | |
711 together on the dance floor, when Sakura burst into tears at the | |
712 harrowing prospect of Tomoyo’s imminent return to Japan, the dark- | |
713 haired woman enfolded her in her arms and brought soothing | |
714 reassurance with nothing more than her gentle presence. Yukito might | |
715 have said this parental affection was the key to Sakura’s love for | |
716 Tomoyo, as it had been for him. Years ago, he told Sakura she loved | |
717 him because he was like her beloved father. She agreed, but not | |
718 because she believed he was right. She knew her that Touya loved him, | |
719 so she said yes, and stepped aside. But if her feelings for Yukito | |
720 were not quite true love, they were still more than a schoolgirl | |
721 crush. It was painful to let the gentle boy go, but she did. And | |
722 Sakura now knew that her love for Tomoyo was no more easily explained | |
723 this way than her feelings for Yukito. She had loved Yukito more than | |
724 a father figure, and loved Tomoyo more than the mother she never | |
725 knew. The kiss in the garden had shattered that explanation for | |
726 Sakura’s love. For all her maternal kindness, Tomoyo stirred up | |
727 passionate feelings in Sakura that no daughter ever had for her | |
728 mother. | |
729 | |
730 | |
731 Watching a slender, gorgeous, woman preparing to leave the beach | |
732 reminded Sakura of Tomoyo slipping out of her white sundress. This | |
733 memory summoned a fiery longing that gripped her heart, and the | |
734 feverish desire that haunted her recent dreams. She trembled in | |
735 remembrance of braiding the long, lavender tresses, the silken feel | |
736 of pale skin, the sweet, flowery scent that wafted like a heavenly | |
737 little cloud. Tomoyo’s visit awakened a sensuous craving for this | |
738 achingly beautiful woman, a desire that previously hovered only on | |
739 the rim of Sakura’s awareness. Tomoyo always seemed to her the | |
740 prettiest of girls. There was a delicate loveliness about her that | |
741 Sakura found irresistible. As childhood passed into adolescence, her | |
742 feelings changed with her body, imperceptibly at first, but in the | |
743 end irrevocably. So captivated by Syaoran was she that this change in | |
744 her feelings almost went unnoticed. Only little hints were left, odd | |
745 moments that puzzled her when they happened, and were quickly | |
746 forgotten as meaningless puzzles. But now, in the grip of memory, | |
747 these puzzles seemed more like keys to resolving the sweet confusion | |
748 that played havoc with her heart. | |
749 | |
750 Most vivid was a memory from the 8th grade, in a gym class where | |
751 Tomoyo gamely struggled with a difficult floor exercise. The other | |
752 students left for home, but Sakura stayed to help her friend master | |
753 the complicated pattern. She spotted for Tomoyo, holding her closely, | |
754 guiding her with a sure, firm touch. Slowly at first, the dark-haired | |
755 girl caught the rhythm of the movements, and her natural grace and | |
756 charm moved Sakura’s heart. For some reason her very nearness | |
757 flustered Sakura, distracting her from the lesson she was trying to | |
758 impart. Sakura blushed fiercely while Tomoyo, still as a fawn, | |
759 daintily arched her supple body and gazed up with trusting eyes. | |
760 Breathing raggedly, Sakura stood by her, their faces nearly touching, | |
761 utterly enraptured by the wan beauty of the delicate girl. From | |
762 nowhere she felt a mad desire to embrace her, caress her, and shower | |
763 her with kisses. The brunette leaned closer, heart hammering as their | |
764 lips nearly touched. Suddenly she blushed crimson and pulled quickly | |
765 away. Tomoyo seemed pleasantly baffled, and then worried as her | |
766 friend turned her back and trembled. Sakura stammered out something | |
767 about a pulled muscle, and struggled to calm her racing heart. Had | |
768 Tomoyo come to her then, with a kindly touch or a concerned hug, | |
769 Sakura was unsure just what might have happened. But the odd little | |
770 whirlwind passed quickly, and Tomoyo returned to being just a best | |
771 friend. Yet this was not the only time that some unseen passion had | |
772 seized Sakura’s heart. Tomoyo’s presence had sometimes captivated and | |
773 enthralled her in ways she could not fathom. Confused, even | |
774 frightened, part of Sakura had succeeded in forgetting these strange, | |
775 overpowering little moments. But delving into the depths of her | |
776 feelings, Sakura found that these hidden memories now came flooding | |
777 back. And these feelings she remembered were the identical to those | |
778 in the garden, where she was swept away by an overwhelming love for | |
779 Tomoyo. | |
780 | |
781 | |
782 Sakura stood up and stretched, drained but oddly exhilarated. As day | |
783 gave way to night, she gathered her things and walked to board the | |
784 approaching bus. She was tantalizingly close now, sensing a | |
785 revelation that would make her feelings clear at last. Though she | |
786 appeared charmingly normal at first glance, the genki young woman was | |
787 unusual in many ways, not least in her utter honesty. Most people shy | |
788 away from such ruthless examinations of their inner feelings. As the | |
789 saying goes, they prefer not to stir muddy waters and cause | |
790 difficulties. Or, they cling to comfortable illusions, rejecting | |
791 thorny and painful realities. As Fanren observed, Sakura was in many | |
792 ways a simple girl. She wanted to know what was true, and could not | |
793 abide to live a life that was false. Her desire to know had | |
794 inexorably driven her to gather the Cards, and then transform them. | |
795 In doing so she jeopardized not only her life, but also those most | |
796 precious to her. Now she was on a journey to know her true feelings | |
797 for Tomoyo, and after that the identity of her best friend’s true | |
798 love. Where this journey led, or how it was resolved, did not concern | |
799 her at all. Indeed, she was frighteningly innocent of the havoc and | |
800 pain such discoveries might unleash. But had she known, she would | |
801 have plunged forward regardless, for her determination to understand | |
802 was implacable. After a long ride over the ferry and into the City, | |
803 she boarded the last electric tram up Victoria Peak. When she exited | |
804 the tram and began walking, the exhausted little P.E. teacher caught | |
805 a second wind, and raced up the hill to the mansion. Preparing for | |
806 bed in her room, Ieran-sama saw her daughter-in-law dashing into the | |
807 house, and wondered what she was doing out running at such an hour. | |
808 | |
809 Tip-toeing into her room, Sakura retrieved the Cards from their | |
810 resting place. For a moment she stood over the sleeping Syaoran, | |
811 smiling. Then she slipped away, latched the door, and walked down the | |
812 hall to Tomoyo's room. She sat on a chair by the window and gazed at | |
813 the garden, dark and silent in the still of night. What happened in | |
814 that garden changed everything forever. Never had her love for Tomoyo | |
815 felt so strong and all-encompassing. Never had she felt so | |
816 deliriously close to another human being. Oddly, it all started with | |
817 Tomoyo's wrenching pain. Sakura had seen little slivers of her secret | |
818 hurt before, in letters and during the trip to the Matsukaya. But | |
819 sitting in the garden, Tomoyo was unwilling or unable to conceal the | |
820 torment of life without her special someone. She broke down, sobbing | |
821 in Sakura's arms. Sakura's heart was riven as she hugged her tightly, | |
822 wishing with all her power that Tomoyo would be all right. | |
823 Miraculously, she was. While embraced by Sakura, the pale girl seemed | |
824 healed of her terrible hurt. In this blinding moment Sakura realized | |
825 the agony of loneliness that her best friend lived with everyday. But | |
826 the Mistress of the Cards also saw that in her arms, Tomoyo's pain | |
827 was assuaged. She said that with Sakura she was happy, and the full | |
828 truth of this at last opened her emerald eyes. Here was yet another | |
829 revelation, for Tomoyo needed her as surely as she needed Tomoyo. She | |
830 longed to hold and comfort her pale friend, to take away the pain | |
831 forever. If indeed she had such power, Sakura vowed now to use it, | |
832 regardless of cost or consequence. | |
833 | |
834 That night in the garden, Sakura and Tomoyo were like two castaways | |
835 washed up on a foreign shore, gazing on a world and each other made | |
836 marvelous and new. It was as if Sakura saw Tomoyo, the girl she grew | |
837 up with, for the very first time: fragile, vulnerable, and | |
838 breathtakingly beautiful. When that enchanting woman came so | |
839 enticingly close, a surge of desire swept Sakura’s body and shook her | |
840 heart. In that magical kiss, two souls met for the very first time. | |
841 Sakura touched her cheek as a sweet warmth enfolded her. The memory | |
842 of that kiss lingered still, echoing in her heart, tingling through | |
843 every cell of her body. She loved Tomoyo as a friend, a sister, and a | |
844 mother. But after they kissed, she knew her love was unimaginably | |
845 vast and unbounded, a door to infinite space, a precipice on the edge | |
846 of forever. If she had hesitated to step over that awesome threshold, | |
847 it was only because the luscious shock of that kiss had left her | |
848 utterly enchanted. | |
849 | |
850 But now, following her road to the very end, she was awakening. The | |
851 meaning of her love for Tomoyo was finally clear. Sitting quietly in | |
852 the shimmering night, a gentle rain of tears falling on her folded | |
853 hands, Sakura at last understood her feelings. Perhaps deep within a | |
854 part of her had suspected or known, all along. But now the splendid | |
855 truth resounded throughout her entire being. Sakura could sing, or | |
856 cry, or shout this truth, but her steady heartbeat bore a more | |
857 eloquent testimony. In her heart nestled a precious knowledge, a | |
858 knowledge gained through pain, joy, and time. And what her heart knew | |
859 would change her forever. | |
860 | |
861 Daidouji Tomoyo was her one, True Love. |