1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/stories/althea.txt	Fri Feb 19 06:24:59 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,360 @@
     1.4 +(Author's Note: This is my first Card Captor Sakura fanfiction and,
     1.5 +at the time of its writing, I have only seen the first four episodes
     1.6 +of the series and read none of the manga, so please forgive any
     1.7 +errors I have made. I've also decided to, for this piece, neglect
     1.8 +most of the plot of the series and just stick to playing with the
     1.9 +characters. Also, some parts of the fic were written at insane hours
    1.10 +of early morning and so may be a little.... strange. Nevertheless, I
    1.11 +hope you enjoy the fic. *takes a little bow*) 
    1.12 +
    1.13 +
    1.14 +---------------------------------------------------------------------
    1.15 +----------- 
    1.16 +
    1.17 +
    1.18 +
    1.19 +So Much Easier 
    1.20 +by Althea K. 
    1.21 +
    1.22 +
    1.23 +"Coming, coming," Sakura called out, covering the mouthpiece of her
    1.24 +cell phone temporarily. She trotted, barefoot, to the door, still
    1.25 +listening with one ear to her father's voice. She peered out to see
    1.26 +who her visitor was, but could see only darkness. A frown pouted her
    1.27 +lips. "Hmph." 
    1.28 +"Is something wrong, dear?" 
    1.29 +"No, it's just... I could've *sworn* someone was knocking at the
    1.30 +door, but there's no one there." 
    1.31 +"That's odd.." 
    1.32 +Sakura opened the door and peeked out, a bit nervously, into the
    1.33 +night. "Hello? Is someone out here?" Silence was the only reply.
    1.34 +"Hrmph." Her eyes narrowed as she wondered if perhaps some
    1.35 +neighborhood children were playing a prank on her, only to widen as
    1.36 +she finally noticed the small package at her foot. She knelt to
    1.37 +retrieve it. "Hey, Dad, were you expecting a package or something?"
    1.38 +she asked, turning it carefully in her hand. 
    1.39 +"No.." 
    1.40 +"Odd. I'm not, either.. But here one is." 
    1.41 +"A bit *late* for mail delivery, isn't it?" 
    1.42 +Sakura muttered her agreement, glancing about one last time before
    1.43 +reentering the house and shutting the door behind her. "Maybe someone
    1.44 +left it for Touya?" she suggested doubtfully. "But it's been ages
    1.45 +since he's lived here... Who would send him anything at this
    1.46 +address?" In the light of the house she examined the brown paper
    1.47 +covering the rectangular package. "There doesn't seem to be a name on
    1.48 +it... Oh, wait." She squinted and bowed her head in, having
    1.49 +discovered one small word typed almost unnoticeably onto the
    1.50 +packaging: Sakura. "Huh. It's for me." 
    1.51 +"An early birthday present, maybe?" 
    1.52 +Sakura laughed. "If it is, it's *really* early." 
    1.53 +"True.. Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but I have to go now. My
    1.54 +presentation's in five minutes and I still haven't organized all my
    1.55 +notes." 
    1.56 +"Ah, it's okay. You want me to leave you something in the fridge for
    1.57 +when you get home?" 
    1.58 +"You're so sweet! That would be wonderful; thank you." 
    1.59 +"No problem. Good luck with your presentation." 
    1.60 +Sakura shut off her phone after their parting words and headed into
    1.61 +the kitchen. Carefully, she broke the tape bindings with a small
    1.62 +steak knife and removed the brown paper wrap. "A video cassette?" She
    1.63 +quirked an eyebrow. Replacing the steak knife, she turned the
    1.64 +cassette around in her hands to read its title. Her eyes widened.
    1.65 +"'The True Confessions of Daidouji Tomoyo'??" she read aloud. "So
    1.66 +that was Tomoyo-chan at the door..." she mumbled numbly to herself,
    1.67 +her mind still twitching nervously around the idea of "true
    1.68 +confessions". She glanced toward the door as if she expected her
    1.69 +friend to still be there, then slowly turned back to the cassette.
    1.70 +"This isn't like Tomoyo-chan at all.. not even stopping in to say
    1.71 +'hello'..." Concern creased her brow as she tapped her fingers
    1.72 +worriedly against the hard plastic casing of the tape. After a long
    1.73 +moment of hesitation, Sakura picked up her phone and headed for her
    1.74 +bedroom. "Plenty of time to cook something for Dad later..." she
    1.75 +mumbled. She popped the cassette into her VCR, snapped her television
    1.76 +on, and plopped down onto her bed. The VCR came to life with a click
    1.77 +and a whirr and in moments Tomoyo's image lit up the screen, moving
    1.78 +backwards to sit in front of the camcorder. 
    1.79 +"Hello, Sakura-chan.." 
    1.80 +"Hi, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura blurted out before she could remember she
    1.81 +was talking to a recording. She blushed lightly, embarrassed by her
    1.82 +mistake, but this faded quickly as she took in the scene that her
    1.83 +friend had recorded. Tomoyo sat alone in her darkened room, her face
    1.84 +sad and her voice trembling slightly. Her skin seemed even paler than
    1.85 +usual somehow, even under the blue cast that the darkness painted her
    1.86 +with. Sakura's heart grew heavy with concern. 
    1.87 +"I guess you've already seen the title of this little recording, so
    1.88 +you have some idea of what I'm doing here.. Like I wrote, it's a
    1.89 +confession... *my* confession. There are so many things that I've
    1.90 +been wanting to tell you over the years we've been friends, but I
    1.91 +just never had the courage to say them to you... You always were the
    1.92 +brave one, Sakura-chan." The image of Tomoyo punctuated her statement
    1.93 +with a tight, pained smile. "I always thought that I'd tell you when
    1.94 +you were older, but even now that you're older, I'm still a coward.
    1.95 +I'd hoped that by this time it would all be just a mildly
    1.96 +uncomfortable memory, you know? I thought I could tell you about it
    1.97 +and we'd look back together and laugh at my childhood foolishness.
    1.98 +Well, I'm eighteen now and I'm still not laughing." Tomoyo's image
    1.99 +paused and rubbed her palms against her pant legs. "Hell, I'm wishing
   1.100 +now I could just go back in time, so things could be like that
   1.101 +again.. I could at least be a little naive then. It still hurt, but
   1.102 +it didn't hurt this much, and even if I was a little scared by my
   1.103 +feelings when I was a kid, I wasn't terrified like I am now. Sakura-
   1.104 +chan... I'm... I'm so *scared*!" 
   1.105 +Sakura could feel Tomoyo shuddering as the image drew her arms
   1.106 +across her chest, hugging her knees into herself. "Tomoyo-chan," she
   1.107 +whimpered. "Please don't be scared, Tomoyo-chan..." 
   1.108 +"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan... It just hurts so *much* sometimes... I
   1.109 +can't take this anymore... Keeping it all a secret..." The image of
   1.110 +Tomoyo shook her head as she unfolded from herself. "I.. I just can't
   1.111 +keep it all inside of me anymore...!" 
   1.112 +"So tell me already!" Sakura cried out to the recording, too
   1.113 +frustrated and curious to be embarrassed now. 
   1.114 +"Sakura-chan..." Sakura leaned in eagerly to listen as Tomoyo
   1.115 +appeared to hesitate. "I..." 
   1.116 +"...Yes??" 
   1.117 +"Do you... remember... when we were children?" 
   1.118 +Sakura blinked. "Uhmm.." 
   1.119 +"I do. I remember it all like it was yesterday... I know, I know. It
   1.120 +sounds corny, doesn't it." 
   1.121 +Sakura couldn't help but grin as she saw Tomoyo's mouth quirk up
   1.122 +into a tiny smile. "Actually, yes, it does." 
   1.123 +"We were always such good friends... I'm not saying we're not still,
   1.124 +I'm just saying that... there was... I don't know. There was an
   1.125 +innocence to us back then, you know? And it's missing now. There's
   1.126 +just something *off* about us now, and it's my fault." 
   1.127 +Sakura lost her smile. "Tomoyo-chan..." 
   1.128 +"It... It would've been so much easier if we could've stayed
   1.129 +children forever, wouldn't it? I mean... Despite all we went through
   1.130 +with the Clow Cards and all... we still had some pretty good times,
   1.131 +didn't we? I'd make you those ridiculously cute little battle
   1.132 +costumes and video tape you wearing them... I miss that. You know, I
   1.133 +don't know if I could make things like that again if I tried... Back
   1.134 +then I could always just picture you wearing it to fight Clow Cards
   1.135 +and think about how cute it would be, and how much fun we would have,
   1.136 +and I could just *do* it, you know? But now.. Everything I make for
   1.137 +you just seems so... *lifeless*, somehow. It's still nice, but it's
   1.138 +never the same, never quite so much fun. Getting older just kinda
   1.139 +sucked all the fun out of everything, you see? Nothing's the same
   1.140 +anymore.. Everything I do now, I have to examine my motivations; I
   1.141 +have to think about it.. Oh, Sakura-chan, I wish we could be kids
   1.142 +again! I'd give anything to be able to feel the way I did then again.
   1.143 +I didn't have to think about why my heart was racing and whether it
   1.144 +was wrong to feel that way then; I could just *feel* it and *enjoy*
   1.145 +it. I could say things to you without having to think so much about
   1.146 +how you would take it, if you would understand... But as we got
   1.147 +older...." 
   1.148 +There was a long moment of unbearable silence. Sakura's eyes stung
   1.149 +with tears as she waited for her friend to go on. 
   1.150 +"Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo began again at last. "Sakura-chan... I..."
   1.151 +Tomoyo's sigh brushed almost palpably against Sakura's ears. "I love
   1.152 +you. I'm.... *in love* with you." 
   1.153 +Sakura's world held still for a full three seconds. 
   1.154 +"I know you couldn't possibly understand, but... That's why. That's
   1.155 +the reason for... for *everything*. I'm so sorry I never told you...
   1.156 +I just knew it was hopeless, and I didn't want to scare you away.. I
   1.157 +just couldn't bear the thought of telling you and having you not want
   1.158 +to be my friend anymore. You... You mean everything to me, Sakura.
   1.159 +You always have. And I'm sorry I was such a coward... I couldn't tell
   1.160 +you then, and I can't even tell you now... I just let technology do
   1.161 +the uncomfortable work for me," Tomoyo's voice proclaimed bitterly as
   1.162 +her image gestured at the screen. "I'm so weak, Sakura-chan... I wish
   1.163 +I could be strong for you. I wish I could be strong... But you'll
   1.164 +always be the stronger one." 
   1.165 +Sakura fumbled blindly for her phone as Tomoyo's recording spoke on,
   1.166 +until at last her fingers collided with it and she picked it up from
   1.167 +where it lay on her bed. She punched Tomoyo's phone number into
   1.168 +without needing to look at the buttons. Drumming her fingers
   1.169 +impatiently against her thigh, she listened to it ring. 
   1.170 +"...and I knew even then that things could never be the same once I
   1.171 +told you. I couldn't bring myself to find out whether the change
   1.172 +would be for better or worse, fearing so much that we would never be
   1.173 +friends again.... And I still can't. You see, Sakura-chan... There's
   1.174 +another reason why I'm giving you this tape.." 
   1.175 +Sakura's fidgeting grew even more agitated. 
   1.176 +"I probably would've held it all in until something ruptured inside
   1.177 +of me, really, if there weren't this other motivation for me to come
   1.178 +clean with you right now... I... I never told you this, but a while
   1.179 +ago I sent out an application to a college overseas...." 
   1.180 +Sakura's drumming ceased. The phone continued to ring harshly in her
   1.181 +ear. 
   1.182 +"...and I was accepted. The term starts soon... In fact, I've been
   1.183 +packing all day." 
   1.184 +For the first time, Sakura noticed how empty Tomoyo's room appeared
   1.185 +behind her. 
   1.186 +"My flight leaves tonight." 
   1.187 +"No!" Sakura leapt to her feet in a state of panic. Still pressing
   1.188 +the phone to her ear, she grabbed the jacket that Tomoyo had made for
   1.189 +her last birthday off her floor and started pulling it on one-handed. 
   1.190 +"I know this must be a shock to you... but you mustn't try to stop
   1.191 +me. There's nothing you can do about it anyway. By the time you'll
   1.192 +have reached this part of the tape, I should already be well on my
   1.193 +way." 
   1.194 +Sakura stopped halfway to the door. "No..." she whispered. 
   1.195 +"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan.. I'd've loved so much to hold you in my
   1.196 +arms just one last time before I left.." Sakura flopped back down
   1.197 +onto her bed, her entire body feeling numb. It was all too much for
   1.198 +her to take in at once. "I'm taking all my videotapes of you with me,
   1.199 +but I've left behind some copies in my room in case you want to go
   1.200 +back and look at them.. Maybe if you look at them now you'll begin to
   1.201 +see what I've been seeing all along... I'm also taking all your old
   1.202 +battle costumes; they're too small for you now, anyway. But I am
   1.203 +leaving your prom dress; after all, you may need it some time, and
   1.204 +you did look so beautiful in it.. Do you remember the prom, Sakura-
   1.205 +chan? I had so much fun dancing with you..." 
   1.206 +Sakura groaned, sudden floods of memory washing over her. "Kami,"
   1.207 +she breathed. "Was I really that blind???" 
   1.208 +"We ate so much cake that we almost made ourselves sick, and then
   1.209 +left early without our dates to take a walk in the park and watch an
   1.210 +old movie on television... It's funny: I can't even remember my
   1.211 +date's name; can you? He was a pretty nice guy, I think... I didn't
   1.212 +know him very well, and I guess I didn't pay him that much attention.
   1.213 +You were always the center of my own little universe... He could've
   1.214 +had fangs and a dog-tail and I wouldn't've noticed." Tomoyo's sad
   1.215 +chuckle was almost smothered by the recording that erupted in
   1.216 +Sakura's ear, politely informing her that the party did not answer,
   1.217 +as if she hadn't already noticed. 
   1.218 +"Uuhng..." Sakura grunted and lowered her phone, snapping it off
   1.219 +reluctantly. "She's just gotta still be there... She *has* to be...!"
   1.220 +She folded her arms across her chest, her movement only slightly
   1.221 +impaired by the jacket still hanging off one arm. "Tomoyo-chan... You
   1.222 +can't leave me...! We have so much to talk about... You can't just
   1.223 +leave without even letting me discuss this all with you! There're
   1.224 +questions I want to ask you... things I want to say to you..." 
   1.225 +"I... I put everything I have of you together earlier today... All
   1.226 +the costumes, and sketches, and videotapes... *Everything*. Notes
   1.227 +we'd passed each other in class.. Presents you'd given to me...
   1.228 +Photographs I'd taken of you... Even this.." Sakura glanced up
   1.229 +through a thin film of growing tears to see Tomoyo holding what
   1.230 +appeared to be a small glass vial containing something feathery and
   1.231 +somehow familiar. "Can you see this? It's a lock of your hair."
   1.232 +Sakura and Tomoyo's image blushed simultaneously. "I hope you don't
   1.233 +mind... I cut it off while you were sleeping over at my house one
   1.234 +night long ago... I wanted to always remember how soft your hair was,
   1.235 +and how sweet its scent...I've slept with it under my pillow for
   1.236 +years." Tomoyo's image eyed it sadly. "And then today I put it
   1.237 +together with all those other cherished possessions and mementos...
   1.238 +I... I wanted to make a bonfire of them." 
   1.239 +Sakura blinked. "...Bonfire..???" 
   1.240 +"I wanted to destroy everything that reminded me of you so I could
   1.241 +go away and start fresh.. I wanted to burn all bridges connecting me
   1.242 +to you so maybe in time I could learn to forget you... But I just
   1.243 +couldn't do it. I had the match lit in my hand, but I just couldn't
   1.244 +drop it.. It burned right down to my fingertips and still I couldn't
   1.245 +bring myself to let it drop." Sakura peered closer at the screen,
   1.246 +finally seeing Tomoyo's hurt fingertips. "It wasn't so bad, getting
   1.247 +burned... What really hurt was the shame. I felt like such a fool,
   1.248 +unable to rid myself of you, clinging to my pain... Then I thought
   1.249 +that maybe I could just leave it all behind, maybe even give it all
   1.250 +to you, but I guess I wasn't strong enough to do that, either.. The
   1.251 +thought was unbearable. I couldn't stand the idea of not having a
   1.252 +picture of you with me always to keep your face fresh in my mind...
   1.253 +The idea of your face ever fading from my memory...." A tear trickled
   1.254 +down Tomoyo's face. "I suppose, though, that it doesn't really matter
   1.255 +whether I burned it, or gave it away, or packed it up... I'd still be
   1.256 +taking you with me, inside my mind. I don't think I could let go of
   1.257 +you, no matter what. I would feel... empty. Hollow. I don't think I
   1.258 +could ever entirely be myself again without holding onto you in my
   1.259 +heart. I can't imagine life without you... But I can't... I just
   1.260 +can't stand it anymore!" A heart-breaking sob shuddered from her
   1.261 +trembling lips as her tears continued to fall. "I can't stand being
   1.262 +with you every day without really *being with you*. I can't stand the
   1.263 +horrible innocence of your every touch. I can't stand having you so
   1.264 +near to me without being able to call you my own. I... I can't..."
   1.265 +Tomoyo's words disappeared into wrenching sobs and shudders. As the
   1.266 +image of Tomoyo on her screen buried her face in her hands, Sakura's
   1.267 +tears began to fall as well. 
   1.268 +"T-tomoyo-chan.." Sakura moaned. Each minute that passed was its own
   1.269 +small eternity as their tears streamed on without any apparent end. 
   1.270 +"I... I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo at last managed to gasp out
   1.271 +from behind her hands. "I have.. no right... to put you through my
   1.272 +pain." 
   1.273 +"Tomoyo-chaaan..." Sakura sobbed at the screen, frustrated and
   1.274 +confused. 
   1.275 +"I never wanted you to see me cry... You've always been such a sweet
   1.276 +girl, Sakura-chan. I didn't want to put you through any of this.. But
   1.277 +I guess it was inevitable, wasn't it. One can only hold so much in
   1.278 +for so long before it explodes all over everything.. Oh, Sakura-chan,
   1.279 +I've made a real mess of things, haven't I? I wish I knew some way to
   1.280 +set things right again... But you have to know. It wouldn't have been
   1.281 +fair for me not to say anything... never to tell you... Maybe I'm
   1.282 +just being selfish. Or maybe I'm just trying to keep my promise..
   1.283 +Didn't I say that I'd tell you when you were older? I seem to
   1.284 +remember that... I don't know. I'm confused... Another reason why I
   1.285 +have to go away. I need some distance... some time apart from you so
   1.286 +I can think, clear my head a little.. Or maybe I'm just trying to
   1.287 +justify my actions. Maybe the sad truth is really just that I'm a
   1.288 +damnable coward and I'm running away yet again from finding out how
   1.289 +you'll react..." 
   1.290 +Sakura wiped at her eyes as she watched Tomoyo's shoulders slump
   1.291 +pathetically. She picked up the phone again and dialed Tomoyo's cell
   1.292 +phone number with equal parts hopelessness and determination. "C'mon,
   1.293 +Tomoyo-chan, you've *got* to pick up the phone... *Please*, don't
   1.294 +shut me out...." 
   1.295 +"That's why...." Tomoyo's image licked her lips slowly, nervously.
   1.296 +"That's why I'm not telling you where I'm going. Whether I'm running
   1.297 +away or just need some time alone or whatever... I don't feel like I
   1.298 +can handle you knowing where I'm going right now. It's just... so
   1.299 +much *easier* to fade away... You probably won't even notice I'm
   1.300 +gone, after a while, as long as I stay out of touch... You'd probably
   1.301 +be strong enough to make that bonfire, wouldn't you? Maybe... Maybe
   1.302 +I'll let you be rid of me even if I can't be rid of you... At least
   1.303 +one of us will be spared, right?" 
   1.304 +"Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura's voice finally broke out of its paralysis.
   1.305 +"How... How can you even *think* these things!?" She shook her head
   1.306 +in utter disbelief, then dropped to her knees before the television
   1.307 +and pressed her palm against the screen. "Tomoyo-chan, come back to
   1.308 +me... Oh, please, oh, please, come back to me...." 
   1.309 +"Can you promise me just one thing, though?" 
   1.310 +Sakura thumped her palm against the screen. "Come *back* to me!!" 
   1.311 +"If you must remember me... please... *try* to remember me as I used
   1.312 +to be. I don't want to be remembered like this... Please... remember
   1.313 +me with a smile on my face. Remember me from those innocent times,
   1.314 +when we could walk hand in hand through the park and I could just let
   1.315 +my heart soar, unable to imagine ever being happier or more content.
   1.316 +Remember the costumes, and the laughter, and all those sweet little
   1.317 +things that meant so much... I can remember. I remember giggling over
   1.318 +our secret jokes, and you combing my hair, and how wonderful the
   1.319 +world always seemed when you were there..... I just wish I could
   1.320 +remember that and forget all the rest. I don't want to remember the
   1.321 +sleepless nights, tossing and turning, delighting in the agony of
   1.322 +having you by my side. And I don't want to remember how many times I
   1.323 +had to bite my tongue, holding back for fear of losing you..." 
   1.324 +Sakura clutched desperately at the screen, pressing her phone
   1.325 +painfully to her ear. 
   1.326 +After a long pause, Tomoyo finally appeared to regain her speech.
   1.327 +"Well... I... I'd better stop now. The tape should be almost over by
   1.328 +now, I think, and I'll have to hurry to the airport..." Sakura's hand
   1.329 +dropped limply to her side. "I... I wish things could've been better
   1.330 +for you, Sakura-chan. I know I've probably said and done some pretty
   1.331 +stupid, hurtful things over the years we've been friends, especially
   1.332 +tonight, and I hope you'll be able to find it in your heart to
   1.333 +forgive me... You're such a wonderful person, Sakura-chan. I wish you
   1.334 +luck in everything you ever do... Good-bye, Sakura-chan. You'll
   1.335 +always be the best friend I've ever had, no matter what... I love
   1.336 +you... I love you so much..." Sakura choked on a sob as Tomoyo's sad-
   1.337 +eyed image reached forward and in a moment was shot into a sea of
   1.338 +static. 
   1.339 +"Damn it..." Sakura stared through blurred eyes as shortly the
   1.340 +screen flashed blue and the VCR jumped into action once more,
   1.341 +stopping and rewinding the tape. She could only hear the telephone
   1.342 +still ringing in her ear in the most distant of ways, too numbed by
   1.343 +shock and pain to hear it as any more than a fading echo in a tomb.
   1.344 +Catching and reflecting the blue light of the television screen, a
   1.345 +lone tear glistened on her cheek, frozen prematurely, its path left
   1.346 +unfinished and its future uncertain. 
   1.347 +
   1.348 +
   1.349 +---------------------------------------------------------------------
   1.350 +----------- 
   1.351 +
   1.352 +
   1.353 +
   1.354 +
   1.355 +(Legal Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any of the characters in
   1.356 +this fanfic; I'm just borrowing them from CLAMP and whoever else
   1.357 +holds the rights.) 
   1.358 +
   1.359 +(Sequel to Author's Note: If you want to put this fic on your
   1.360 +website, are wondering why the hell someone would write a fic for a
   1.361 +story she knows so little of, or just want someone to talk about
   1.362 +anime lesbians with, please email me at either
   1.363 +womanprince@hotmail.com or poorjuri@hotmail.com. Thank you ^-^)
   1.364 \ No newline at end of file