Mercurial > moonlitnights
comparison stories/althea.txt @ 0:ed1308d04df2 moonlitnights
[svn r1] initial import
author | rlm |
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date | Fri, 19 Feb 2010 06:24:59 -0500 |
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1 (Author's Note: This is my first Card Captor Sakura fanfiction and, | |
2 at the time of its writing, I have only seen the first four episodes | |
3 of the series and read none of the manga, so please forgive any | |
4 errors I have made. I've also decided to, for this piece, neglect | |
5 most of the plot of the series and just stick to playing with the | |
6 characters. Also, some parts of the fic were written at insane hours | |
7 of early morning and so may be a little.... strange. Nevertheless, I | |
8 hope you enjoy the fic. *takes a little bow*) | |
9 | |
10 | |
11 --------------------------------------------------------------------- | |
12 ----------- | |
13 | |
14 | |
15 | |
16 So Much Easier | |
17 by Althea K. | |
18 | |
19 | |
20 "Coming, coming," Sakura called out, covering the mouthpiece of her | |
21 cell phone temporarily. She trotted, barefoot, to the door, still | |
22 listening with one ear to her father's voice. She peered out to see | |
23 who her visitor was, but could see only darkness. A frown pouted her | |
24 lips. "Hmph." | |
25 "Is something wrong, dear?" | |
26 "No, it's just... I could've *sworn* someone was knocking at the | |
27 door, but there's no one there." | |
28 "That's odd.." | |
29 Sakura opened the door and peeked out, a bit nervously, into the | |
30 night. "Hello? Is someone out here?" Silence was the only reply. | |
31 "Hrmph." Her eyes narrowed as she wondered if perhaps some | |
32 neighborhood children were playing a prank on her, only to widen as | |
33 she finally noticed the small package at her foot. She knelt to | |
34 retrieve it. "Hey, Dad, were you expecting a package or something?" | |
35 she asked, turning it carefully in her hand. | |
36 "No.." | |
37 "Odd. I'm not, either.. But here one is." | |
38 "A bit *late* for mail delivery, isn't it?" | |
39 Sakura muttered her agreement, glancing about one last time before | |
40 reentering the house and shutting the door behind her. "Maybe someone | |
41 left it for Touya?" she suggested doubtfully. "But it's been ages | |
42 since he's lived here... Who would send him anything at this | |
43 address?" In the light of the house she examined the brown paper | |
44 covering the rectangular package. "There doesn't seem to be a name on | |
45 it... Oh, wait." She squinted and bowed her head in, having | |
46 discovered one small word typed almost unnoticeably onto the | |
47 packaging: Sakura. "Huh. It's for me." | |
48 "An early birthday present, maybe?" | |
49 Sakura laughed. "If it is, it's *really* early." | |
50 "True.. Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but I have to go now. My | |
51 presentation's in five minutes and I still haven't organized all my | |
52 notes." | |
53 "Ah, it's okay. You want me to leave you something in the fridge for | |
54 when you get home?" | |
55 "You're so sweet! That would be wonderful; thank you." | |
56 "No problem. Good luck with your presentation." | |
57 Sakura shut off her phone after their parting words and headed into | |
58 the kitchen. Carefully, she broke the tape bindings with a small | |
59 steak knife and removed the brown paper wrap. "A video cassette?" She | |
60 quirked an eyebrow. Replacing the steak knife, she turned the | |
61 cassette around in her hands to read its title. Her eyes widened. | |
62 "'The True Confessions of Daidouji Tomoyo'??" she read aloud. "So | |
63 that was Tomoyo-chan at the door..." she mumbled numbly to herself, | |
64 her mind still twitching nervously around the idea of "true | |
65 confessions". She glanced toward the door as if she expected her | |
66 friend to still be there, then slowly turned back to the cassette. | |
67 "This isn't like Tomoyo-chan at all.. not even stopping in to say | |
68 'hello'..." Concern creased her brow as she tapped her fingers | |
69 worriedly against the hard plastic casing of the tape. After a long | |
70 moment of hesitation, Sakura picked up her phone and headed for her | |
71 bedroom. "Plenty of time to cook something for Dad later..." she | |
72 mumbled. She popped the cassette into her VCR, snapped her television | |
73 on, and plopped down onto her bed. The VCR came to life with a click | |
74 and a whirr and in moments Tomoyo's image lit up the screen, moving | |
75 backwards to sit in front of the camcorder. | |
76 "Hello, Sakura-chan.." | |
77 "Hi, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura blurted out before she could remember she | |
78 was talking to a recording. She blushed lightly, embarrassed by her | |
79 mistake, but this faded quickly as she took in the scene that her | |
80 friend had recorded. Tomoyo sat alone in her darkened room, her face | |
81 sad and her voice trembling slightly. Her skin seemed even paler than | |
82 usual somehow, even under the blue cast that the darkness painted her | |
83 with. Sakura's heart grew heavy with concern. | |
84 "I guess you've already seen the title of this little recording, so | |
85 you have some idea of what I'm doing here.. Like I wrote, it's a | |
86 confession... *my* confession. There are so many things that I've | |
87 been wanting to tell you over the years we've been friends, but I | |
88 just never had the courage to say them to you... You always were the | |
89 brave one, Sakura-chan." The image of Tomoyo punctuated her statement | |
90 with a tight, pained smile. "I always thought that I'd tell you when | |
91 you were older, but even now that you're older, I'm still a coward. | |
92 I'd hoped that by this time it would all be just a mildly | |
93 uncomfortable memory, you know? I thought I could tell you about it | |
94 and we'd look back together and laugh at my childhood foolishness. | |
95 Well, I'm eighteen now and I'm still not laughing." Tomoyo's image | |
96 paused and rubbed her palms against her pant legs. "Hell, I'm wishing | |
97 now I could just go back in time, so things could be like that | |
98 again.. I could at least be a little naive then. It still hurt, but | |
99 it didn't hurt this much, and even if I was a little scared by my | |
100 feelings when I was a kid, I wasn't terrified like I am now. Sakura- | |
101 chan... I'm... I'm so *scared*!" | |
102 Sakura could feel Tomoyo shuddering as the image drew her arms | |
103 across her chest, hugging her knees into herself. "Tomoyo-chan," she | |
104 whimpered. "Please don't be scared, Tomoyo-chan..." | |
105 "I'm sorry, Sakura-chan... It just hurts so *much* sometimes... I | |
106 can't take this anymore... Keeping it all a secret..." The image of | |
107 Tomoyo shook her head as she unfolded from herself. "I.. I just can't | |
108 keep it all inside of me anymore...!" | |
109 "So tell me already!" Sakura cried out to the recording, too | |
110 frustrated and curious to be embarrassed now. | |
111 "Sakura-chan..." Sakura leaned in eagerly to listen as Tomoyo | |
112 appeared to hesitate. "I..." | |
113 "...Yes??" | |
114 "Do you... remember... when we were children?" | |
115 Sakura blinked. "Uhmm.." | |
116 "I do. I remember it all like it was yesterday... I know, I know. It | |
117 sounds corny, doesn't it." | |
118 Sakura couldn't help but grin as she saw Tomoyo's mouth quirk up | |
119 into a tiny smile. "Actually, yes, it does." | |
120 "We were always such good friends... I'm not saying we're not still, | |
121 I'm just saying that... there was... I don't know. There was an | |
122 innocence to us back then, you know? And it's missing now. There's | |
123 just something *off* about us now, and it's my fault." | |
124 Sakura lost her smile. "Tomoyo-chan..." | |
125 "It... It would've been so much easier if we could've stayed | |
126 children forever, wouldn't it? I mean... Despite all we went through | |
127 with the Clow Cards and all... we still had some pretty good times, | |
128 didn't we? I'd make you those ridiculously cute little battle | |
129 costumes and video tape you wearing them... I miss that. You know, I | |
130 don't know if I could make things like that again if I tried... Back | |
131 then I could always just picture you wearing it to fight Clow Cards | |
132 and think about how cute it would be, and how much fun we would have, | |
133 and I could just *do* it, you know? But now.. Everything I make for | |
134 you just seems so... *lifeless*, somehow. It's still nice, but it's | |
135 never the same, never quite so much fun. Getting older just kinda | |
136 sucked all the fun out of everything, you see? Nothing's the same | |
137 anymore.. Everything I do now, I have to examine my motivations; I | |
138 have to think about it.. Oh, Sakura-chan, I wish we could be kids | |
139 again! I'd give anything to be able to feel the way I did then again. | |
140 I didn't have to think about why my heart was racing and whether it | |
141 was wrong to feel that way then; I could just *feel* it and *enjoy* | |
142 it. I could say things to you without having to think so much about | |
143 how you would take it, if you would understand... But as we got | |
144 older...." | |
145 There was a long moment of unbearable silence. Sakura's eyes stung | |
146 with tears as she waited for her friend to go on. | |
147 "Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo began again at last. "Sakura-chan... I..." | |
148 Tomoyo's sigh brushed almost palpably against Sakura's ears. "I love | |
149 you. I'm.... *in love* with you." | |
150 Sakura's world held still for a full three seconds. | |
151 "I know you couldn't possibly understand, but... That's why. That's | |
152 the reason for... for *everything*. I'm so sorry I never told you... | |
153 I just knew it was hopeless, and I didn't want to scare you away.. I | |
154 just couldn't bear the thought of telling you and having you not want | |
155 to be my friend anymore. You... You mean everything to me, Sakura. | |
156 You always have. And I'm sorry I was such a coward... I couldn't tell | |
157 you then, and I can't even tell you now... I just let technology do | |
158 the uncomfortable work for me," Tomoyo's voice proclaimed bitterly as | |
159 her image gestured at the screen. "I'm so weak, Sakura-chan... I wish | |
160 I could be strong for you. I wish I could be strong... But you'll | |
161 always be the stronger one." | |
162 Sakura fumbled blindly for her phone as Tomoyo's recording spoke on, | |
163 until at last her fingers collided with it and she picked it up from | |
164 where it lay on her bed. She punched Tomoyo's phone number into | |
165 without needing to look at the buttons. Drumming her fingers | |
166 impatiently against her thigh, she listened to it ring. | |
167 "...and I knew even then that things could never be the same once I | |
168 told you. I couldn't bring myself to find out whether the change | |
169 would be for better or worse, fearing so much that we would never be | |
170 friends again.... And I still can't. You see, Sakura-chan... There's | |
171 another reason why I'm giving you this tape.." | |
172 Sakura's fidgeting grew even more agitated. | |
173 "I probably would've held it all in until something ruptured inside | |
174 of me, really, if there weren't this other motivation for me to come | |
175 clean with you right now... I... I never told you this, but a while | |
176 ago I sent out an application to a college overseas...." | |
177 Sakura's drumming ceased. The phone continued to ring harshly in her | |
178 ear. | |
179 "...and I was accepted. The term starts soon... In fact, I've been | |
180 packing all day." | |
181 For the first time, Sakura noticed how empty Tomoyo's room appeared | |
182 behind her. | |
183 "My flight leaves tonight." | |
184 "No!" Sakura leapt to her feet in a state of panic. Still pressing | |
185 the phone to her ear, she grabbed the jacket that Tomoyo had made for | |
186 her last birthday off her floor and started pulling it on one-handed. | |
187 "I know this must be a shock to you... but you mustn't try to stop | |
188 me. There's nothing you can do about it anyway. By the time you'll | |
189 have reached this part of the tape, I should already be well on my | |
190 way." | |
191 Sakura stopped halfway to the door. "No..." she whispered. | |
192 "I'm sorry, Sakura-chan.. I'd've loved so much to hold you in my | |
193 arms just one last time before I left.." Sakura flopped back down | |
194 onto her bed, her entire body feeling numb. It was all too much for | |
195 her to take in at once. "I'm taking all my videotapes of you with me, | |
196 but I've left behind some copies in my room in case you want to go | |
197 back and look at them.. Maybe if you look at them now you'll begin to | |
198 see what I've been seeing all along... I'm also taking all your old | |
199 battle costumes; they're too small for you now, anyway. But I am | |
200 leaving your prom dress; after all, you may need it some time, and | |
201 you did look so beautiful in it.. Do you remember the prom, Sakura- | |
202 chan? I had so much fun dancing with you..." | |
203 Sakura groaned, sudden floods of memory washing over her. "Kami," | |
204 she breathed. "Was I really that blind???" | |
205 "We ate so much cake that we almost made ourselves sick, and then | |
206 left early without our dates to take a walk in the park and watch an | |
207 old movie on television... It's funny: I can't even remember my | |
208 date's name; can you? He was a pretty nice guy, I think... I didn't | |
209 know him very well, and I guess I didn't pay him that much attention. | |
210 You were always the center of my own little universe... He could've | |
211 had fangs and a dog-tail and I wouldn't've noticed." Tomoyo's sad | |
212 chuckle was almost smothered by the recording that erupted in | |
213 Sakura's ear, politely informing her that the party did not answer, | |
214 as if she hadn't already noticed. | |
215 "Uuhng..." Sakura grunted and lowered her phone, snapping it off | |
216 reluctantly. "She's just gotta still be there... She *has* to be...!" | |
217 She folded her arms across her chest, her movement only slightly | |
218 impaired by the jacket still hanging off one arm. "Tomoyo-chan... You | |
219 can't leave me...! We have so much to talk about... You can't just | |
220 leave without even letting me discuss this all with you! There're | |
221 questions I want to ask you... things I want to say to you..." | |
222 "I... I put everything I have of you together earlier today... All | |
223 the costumes, and sketches, and videotapes... *Everything*. Notes | |
224 we'd passed each other in class.. Presents you'd given to me... | |
225 Photographs I'd taken of you... Even this.." Sakura glanced up | |
226 through a thin film of growing tears to see Tomoyo holding what | |
227 appeared to be a small glass vial containing something feathery and | |
228 somehow familiar. "Can you see this? It's a lock of your hair." | |
229 Sakura and Tomoyo's image blushed simultaneously. "I hope you don't | |
230 mind... I cut it off while you were sleeping over at my house one | |
231 night long ago... I wanted to always remember how soft your hair was, | |
232 and how sweet its scent...I've slept with it under my pillow for | |
233 years." Tomoyo's image eyed it sadly. "And then today I put it | |
234 together with all those other cherished possessions and mementos... | |
235 I... I wanted to make a bonfire of them." | |
236 Sakura blinked. "...Bonfire..???" | |
237 "I wanted to destroy everything that reminded me of you so I could | |
238 go away and start fresh.. I wanted to burn all bridges connecting me | |
239 to you so maybe in time I could learn to forget you... But I just | |
240 couldn't do it. I had the match lit in my hand, but I just couldn't | |
241 drop it.. It burned right down to my fingertips and still I couldn't | |
242 bring myself to let it drop." Sakura peered closer at the screen, | |
243 finally seeing Tomoyo's hurt fingertips. "It wasn't so bad, getting | |
244 burned... What really hurt was the shame. I felt like such a fool, | |
245 unable to rid myself of you, clinging to my pain... Then I thought | |
246 that maybe I could just leave it all behind, maybe even give it all | |
247 to you, but I guess I wasn't strong enough to do that, either.. The | |
248 thought was unbearable. I couldn't stand the idea of not having a | |
249 picture of you with me always to keep your face fresh in my mind... | |
250 The idea of your face ever fading from my memory...." A tear trickled | |
251 down Tomoyo's face. "I suppose, though, that it doesn't really matter | |
252 whether I burned it, or gave it away, or packed it up... I'd still be | |
253 taking you with me, inside my mind. I don't think I could let go of | |
254 you, no matter what. I would feel... empty. Hollow. I don't think I | |
255 could ever entirely be myself again without holding onto you in my | |
256 heart. I can't imagine life without you... But I can't... I just | |
257 can't stand it anymore!" A heart-breaking sob shuddered from her | |
258 trembling lips as her tears continued to fall. "I can't stand being | |
259 with you every day without really *being with you*. I can't stand the | |
260 horrible innocence of your every touch. I can't stand having you so | |
261 near to me without being able to call you my own. I... I can't..." | |
262 Tomoyo's words disappeared into wrenching sobs and shudders. As the | |
263 image of Tomoyo on her screen buried her face in her hands, Sakura's | |
264 tears began to fall as well. | |
265 "T-tomoyo-chan.." Sakura moaned. Each minute that passed was its own | |
266 small eternity as their tears streamed on without any apparent end. | |
267 "I... I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo at last managed to gasp out | |
268 from behind her hands. "I have.. no right... to put you through my | |
269 pain." | |
270 "Tomoyo-chaaan..." Sakura sobbed at the screen, frustrated and | |
271 confused. | |
272 "I never wanted you to see me cry... You've always been such a sweet | |
273 girl, Sakura-chan. I didn't want to put you through any of this.. But | |
274 I guess it was inevitable, wasn't it. One can only hold so much in | |
275 for so long before it explodes all over everything.. Oh, Sakura-chan, | |
276 I've made a real mess of things, haven't I? I wish I knew some way to | |
277 set things right again... But you have to know. It wouldn't have been | |
278 fair for me not to say anything... never to tell you... Maybe I'm | |
279 just being selfish. Or maybe I'm just trying to keep my promise.. | |
280 Didn't I say that I'd tell you when you were older? I seem to | |
281 remember that... I don't know. I'm confused... Another reason why I | |
282 have to go away. I need some distance... some time apart from you so | |
283 I can think, clear my head a little.. Or maybe I'm just trying to | |
284 justify my actions. Maybe the sad truth is really just that I'm a | |
285 damnable coward and I'm running away yet again from finding out how | |
286 you'll react..." | |
287 Sakura wiped at her eyes as she watched Tomoyo's shoulders slump | |
288 pathetically. She picked up the phone again and dialed Tomoyo's cell | |
289 phone number with equal parts hopelessness and determination. "C'mon, | |
290 Tomoyo-chan, you've *got* to pick up the phone... *Please*, don't | |
291 shut me out...." | |
292 "That's why...." Tomoyo's image licked her lips slowly, nervously. | |
293 "That's why I'm not telling you where I'm going. Whether I'm running | |
294 away or just need some time alone or whatever... I don't feel like I | |
295 can handle you knowing where I'm going right now. It's just... so | |
296 much *easier* to fade away... You probably won't even notice I'm | |
297 gone, after a while, as long as I stay out of touch... You'd probably | |
298 be strong enough to make that bonfire, wouldn't you? Maybe... Maybe | |
299 I'll let you be rid of me even if I can't be rid of you... At least | |
300 one of us will be spared, right?" | |
301 "Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura's voice finally broke out of its paralysis. | |
302 "How... How can you even *think* these things!?" She shook her head | |
303 in utter disbelief, then dropped to her knees before the television | |
304 and pressed her palm against the screen. "Tomoyo-chan, come back to | |
305 me... Oh, please, oh, please, come back to me...." | |
306 "Can you promise me just one thing, though?" | |
307 Sakura thumped her palm against the screen. "Come *back* to me!!" | |
308 "If you must remember me... please... *try* to remember me as I used | |
309 to be. I don't want to be remembered like this... Please... remember | |
310 me with a smile on my face. Remember me from those innocent times, | |
311 when we could walk hand in hand through the park and I could just let | |
312 my heart soar, unable to imagine ever being happier or more content. | |
313 Remember the costumes, and the laughter, and all those sweet little | |
314 things that meant so much... I can remember. I remember giggling over | |
315 our secret jokes, and you combing my hair, and how wonderful the | |
316 world always seemed when you were there..... I just wish I could | |
317 remember that and forget all the rest. I don't want to remember the | |
318 sleepless nights, tossing and turning, delighting in the agony of | |
319 having you by my side. And I don't want to remember how many times I | |
320 had to bite my tongue, holding back for fear of losing you..." | |
321 Sakura clutched desperately at the screen, pressing her phone | |
322 painfully to her ear. | |
323 After a long pause, Tomoyo finally appeared to regain her speech. | |
324 "Well... I... I'd better stop now. The tape should be almost over by | |
325 now, I think, and I'll have to hurry to the airport..." Sakura's hand | |
326 dropped limply to her side. "I... I wish things could've been better | |
327 for you, Sakura-chan. I know I've probably said and done some pretty | |
328 stupid, hurtful things over the years we've been friends, especially | |
329 tonight, and I hope you'll be able to find it in your heart to | |
330 forgive me... You're such a wonderful person, Sakura-chan. I wish you | |
331 luck in everything you ever do... Good-bye, Sakura-chan. You'll | |
332 always be the best friend I've ever had, no matter what... I love | |
333 you... I love you so much..." Sakura choked on a sob as Tomoyo's sad- | |
334 eyed image reached forward and in a moment was shot into a sea of | |
335 static. | |
336 "Damn it..." Sakura stared through blurred eyes as shortly the | |
337 screen flashed blue and the VCR jumped into action once more, | |
338 stopping and rewinding the tape. She could only hear the telephone | |
339 still ringing in her ear in the most distant of ways, too numbed by | |
340 shock and pain to hear it as any more than a fading echo in a tomb. | |
341 Catching and reflecting the blue light of the television screen, a | |
342 lone tear glistened on her cheek, frozen prematurely, its path left | |
343 unfinished and its future uncertain. | |
344 | |
345 | |
346 --------------------------------------------------------------------- | |
347 ----------- | |
348 | |
349 | |
350 | |
351 | |
352 (Legal Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any of the characters in | |
353 this fanfic; I'm just borrowing them from CLAMP and whoever else | |
354 holds the rights.) | |
355 | |
356 (Sequel to Author's Note: If you want to put this fic on your | |
357 website, are wondering why the hell someone would write a fic for a | |
358 story she knows so little of, or just want someone to talk about | |
359 anime lesbians with, please email me at either | |
360 womanprince@hotmail.com or poorjuri@hotmail.com. Thank you ^-^) |