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1 Title: Happy Years
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2 Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew
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3 Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de
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4 Status: Alpha
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5 Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
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6 Rating: PG-13
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7 Category: Romance, a tad bit darkish
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8 Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo
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9 Timeline: Sequel to "The Different Path"
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10 Summary: Tomoyo reflects on the changes in her lives and the
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11 experiences she had in her relationship with the "older" Sakura and
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12 how the consequences of Sakura's wish begin to catch up with them.
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13 Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com),
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14 ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), Moonlit
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15 Nights (http://jrem.net/moonlit/tsFics.html) others may follow. If you
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16 like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm not likely to put
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17 stones in your way, but I like to know where it goes.
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18 Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically
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19 involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing,
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20 turn around and leave now.
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21 Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted
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22 companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline.
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23 Story Disclaimer: Happy Years(c)2003 by Matthias Engel
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24
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25 ******************************
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26
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27 Foreword
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28
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29 This is going to be the sequel to The Different Path. I firmed my
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30 decision meanwhile that this will tie in with an idea I had for
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31 another Sailormoon story. For now there is no visible connection but
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32 they will flow together eventually when I get to the main story. But
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33 that probably is still in the future.
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34 For now, this was prompted a little by one of the reviews I got,
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35 wondering how Tomoyo's reaction to all this would be. This is a bit
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36 free after the concept "Scenes of the rest of their life" or something
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37 like that. The story will be done in diary format with several short
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38 and some longer entries... we'll see, I never know this in advance. :)
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39
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40 ******************************
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41
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42 Happy Years
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43 Based on the works of CLAMP
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44 Story Concept by Matthias Engel
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45
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46 ******************************
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47
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48 <From the diary of Daidouji Tomoyo, aptly named "Sakura Musings">
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49
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50 April 13, 1994
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51 Dear Diary.
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52
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53 It has been awhile that I wrote in here and I'm sorry for
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54 leaving you at such a crucial point where my dear Sakura seemed to be
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55 just inches away from confessing her love to Syaoran. The reason why I
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56 didn't get to write in here lately is that something really incredible
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57 happened. Something so incredible that it will also effect this diary.
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58 For as long as I kept this, I have dedicated these entries
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59 solely to my one true love. The walking miracle that is Sakura-chan,
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60 trying to capture my thoughts on the beautiful girl that had captured
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61 my heart from the first day we met. But now, I can't write about
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62 Sakura alone anymore because the most joyous, unexpected thing
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63 happened...
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64 But let me begin from the beginning, yes? It was on the day
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65 Li-kun was going to return home. I had already suspected of course
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66 that Sakura as was typical of her would only realize her feelings at
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67 the last moment. Not that I want to say that she is... indecisive.
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68 Sakura just has a hard time realizing her own feelings but you really
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69 cannot fault her for that. It is just as I told her a short while ago.
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70 Peoples hearts are hard to predict - even Eriol-kun said so. And
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71 usually it is hardest to understand your own heart.
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72 But back to what happened. Since Sakura was expected to come to
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73 her realization a little late, I went and called her early. That was
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74 when the first odd thing happened. I was actually going to tell her
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75 about where she could find Li-kun but instead I only reached her
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76 brother and Touya told me that she was already out...
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77 Going back to practice, I had pretty much shrugged it off and
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78 told myself that it didn't matter. If she managed on her own, all the
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79 better, even though I would have liked to help. All I ever wanted to
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80 be was a part of Sakura's life. Before Li-kun came along I used to
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81 entertain the hope that maybe in the future, when her crush on Yukito
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82 passed and we were both older, I might actually seize my chance and
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83 tell her. But it became apparent that Sakura and Syaoran were meant
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84 for each other and developed feelings that both were reluctant to
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85 realize and admit to. But that day, when I thought for sure that it
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86 would be Syaoran she would ultimately choose as her special person, I
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87 had to realize that with all that I deemed to know about Sakura, a
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88 person can neither predict someone's else hearts accordingly. I
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89 learned that sometimes if you think you know someone else's heart, you
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90 might end up surprised.
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91 Back to events. It was near the end of our next practice session
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92 that I noticed someone watching me. You know that prickling feeling at
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93 the base of your neck? It got stronger and stronger and it filled me
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94 with almost giddy anticipation although I couldn't fathom why. I had
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95 ignored it for awhile, concentrating on the practice. However, it
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96 became too much and I finally glanced towards the entrance and there
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97 was Sakura.
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98 I was so totally baffled I almost missed the next several notes.
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99 I would have bet all my insurance - and that is after all plenty -
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100 that she would have been with Li-kun at that moment. It was about the
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101 time when his bus left for the airport after all... I don't think
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102 Sakura ever managed to confuse like this before. I thought I knew my
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103 best friend and secret love so well but her appearance had totally
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104 thrown my belief for a loop.
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105 But that was not the only surprise I should get. Approaching her
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106 in the pause, I immediately realized that something was different
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107 about her. Outwardly she seemed to be the same person but inside there
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108 was something so completely different that it startled me for a
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109 moment. I briefly entertained the notion that it might be Mirror or
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110 Illusion but was pretty sure that I would notice that. It was still
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111 Sakura, just... different... somehow.
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112 Then Sakura told me she saw Syaoran off - as expected - and
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113 confessed that she does love him. I couldn't help but feel a little
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114 disappointed for a brief moment. When I saw her standing there, I
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115 hadn't been able to help the thought, the hope that maybe... But that
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116 was crazy, illogical, Sakura and Syaoran were meant for each other and
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117 Sakura would be happy with him... Or so I immediately told myself
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118 again.
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119 That was when Sakura really shocked me. While she loves Syaoran,
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120 there is a person that she loves equally but who needs her more.
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121 Syaoran isn't necessary to give her life meaning and neither is she
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122 for Syaoran's life. That is how she put it. Then she told me she
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123 couldn't live without me, though, and asked me if I could live without
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124 her.
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125 Of course the question was silly, needed no answer and I believe
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126 Sakura had not expected one. But when her words finally sank in... I
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127 can't describe how I feel because I'm not sure if there are words
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128 existing in any written or spoken language that properly can describe
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129 my feelings in that moment and the ones that followed. I barely
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130 managed to find my voice in order to respond, asking what exactly she
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131 meant by that. Of course, the question was rhetorical. That spark of
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132 hope at seeing Sakura standing there, watching me sing, had exploded
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133 from a tiny star into a full-fledged super nova. The meaning of her
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134 words had been all too clear, yet the emotions suddenly welling up
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135 from deep inside me were overwhelming and hindered my thought process
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136 a lot.
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137 Sakura told me she wants me - ME - to be her special person and
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138 gave me a teddy bear.
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139 God, I was sure my heart would stop beating right there, frozen
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140 in this moment of perfect bliss.
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141 But it didn't, thankfully, because I would surely have regretted
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142 if it did. Hearing these three words from Sakura, spoken honestly and
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143 with clear conviction behind them was a gift I would cherish forever.
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144 Oh, how I had longed for this moment. It hadn't mattered right then
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145 that Sakura might be a little different and it still doesn't matter.
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146 Nothing really mattered then and right now. Okaasan says I am
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147 "deliriously happy" nowadays. But who can forbid me that? Sakura loves
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148 me as much as I love her. Her beautiful, kind heart has chosen me to
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149 claim that special place only reserved for one person. How can I not
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150 be "deliriously happy" then?
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151 It had been only later in the day that I found out exactly what
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152 had made Sakura change her mind and what is so different about her.
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153 The experience was quite shocking itself. Apparently Sakura had been
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154 traveling back in time by capturing a hidden Clow Card. She hasn't
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155 told me any details about the future she left yet and I won't pry. It
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156 is painfully obvious that whatever dire reason she had for this
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157 action, whatever had happened in the future, saddened her. It is in
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158 her eyes. When she thinks I'm not watching her - what I do most of the
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159 time anyway. There is something...haunted there. It pains me to know
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160 that my dearest Sakura had to go through such hardships in her time
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161 and would give everything to know how to take that pain away. But I
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162 will let her decide when she wants to tell me everything. For now what
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163 she told me that day at choir practice turns out to be the truth. She
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164 is beginning to be happy, more her old self again. I can tell it will
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165 be a long path though and by now everyone close to Sakura has noticed
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166 some changes but only a few seem concerned. Sakura told me that she
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167 could be happy now that she is with me. And she is happy. Genuinely
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168 happy. And I am the one that makes her happy!
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169 So, what does that mean for this diary? Well, it is not going to
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170 be solely dedicated to my beloved anymore. Now that she has proposed
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171 to share her life with me, I will make this diary a dedication to OUR
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172 relationship. OUR. I still can hardly believe all this and if you ask
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173 me now about my exact thoughts, I think I am still not ready to form
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174 any remotely coherent ones.
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175 It is becoming late, I will write in here some more at a later
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176 point.
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177
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178 ******************************
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179
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180 May 6, 1994
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181
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182 Yes, I've said I write earlier but a lot of things happened.
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183 Well, not that much but more like what happened has kept us very busy.
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184 While I never was opposed to the idea of coming out I am surprised at
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185 how fast it is happening. Interestingly neither Sakura's family nor my
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186 mother were really surprised at finding out Sakura had chosen me
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187 instead of Li-kun. I suspected at much but it still manages to make me
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188 happy. The least I wished was to cause Sakura any more trouble. It is
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189 apparently hard enough for her to deal with her time travel... aside
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190 from complaining about having to go back to school and learn all that
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191 boring stuff again! (she's so cute when she pouts!). No, the
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192 transition seems not to be an easy one, especially on an emotional
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193 level. Sakura is almost clingy ever since confessing to me. Not that I
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194 mind, definitely not. But it worries me. It's almost like she expects
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195 me to disappear any moment. By now, even without her telling me, I
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196 become firmed in my belief that whatever happened in her time must
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197 have included my and probably the others' deaths as well. My heart
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198 aches at how much pain I sometimes seem in her eyes and since we are
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199 sleeping over a lot I have woken more than once finding Sakura shaking
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200 with a nightmare. I wish I could take them all away but that's one
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201 thing I can't do. All there is left for me is to be there for the one
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202 girl I love and help her forget about the trauma that has driven her
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203 here and into my waiting arms.
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204 Mind you, that sounds like she's a frightened wreck but that
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205 isn't the impression I want to give you. Those moments are rare and
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206 mostly private. Sakura is most comfortably opening up to me and that
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207 display of trust makes me love her even more... if that is even
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208 possible. Yet, the change is becoming obvious to anyone close to
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209 Sakura. As much as she tries to "act her age", this Sakura IS far more
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210 mature and the weight of her heavy past (or future, whatever way you
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211 want to look at it) doesn't allow her to completely fall back into her
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212 innocent self.
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213 Do I love her less because of that? If you know me, you
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214 shouldn't even be asking that question. Even if she's older mentally
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215 and far from the innocent cheerleader that managed to capture my heart
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216 within a second of meeting her, she is still Sakura. There is
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217 something unique about her. Actually, there are many things unique
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218 about her. Like her big heart that seems to be big enough to include
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219 anyone who wants to have a part of it... and even those who don't. Or
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220 her fierce determination when she gets an idea in her head. Right now
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221 I am experiencing a whole new dimension of that determination all
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222 focused on me. It often leaves me overwhelmed thinking alone that
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223 Sakura's genki spirit will now always be focused on me and my needs.
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224 She's constantly getting me things, asking me what I want to do when
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225 all I really need is her. But Sakura is persistent about making me as
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226 happy as possible. And I am as happy as possible. Really, I am.
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227 It appears I have come a little off topic. I was talking about
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228 her families reaction. Quite frankly if there had been any surprise,
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229 it would have been on my part if they actually had been surprised.
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230 Touya-san is always so observant and looks out for his sister. He
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231 never liked Syaoran much for some reason. I always thought it might be
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232 that on some level he wanted to keep Sakura close to him. Sometimes I
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233 wish I had such a protective brother. However, he seemed rather
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234 pleased after admitting to our relationship.
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235 Sakura's father, Fujitaka, didn't seem overly surprised either.
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236 He just smiled and said he is happy for us and that we will surely
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237 take good care of each other. I suppose since he experienced the
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238 affection between his wife and my mother, it must have been rather
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239 hard even for me to hide my feelings - not that I tried very hard.
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240 Both he and Sakura's brother seemed just a little surprised at the
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241 suddenness though. Especially since it had been apparent lately that
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242 Sakura would choose Li-kun... Neither of them asked about this though
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243 or about Sakura's weird mood (she is a lot quieter these days).
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244 Anyway, that leaves my mother. Well, Sakura is almost scared of
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245 her now, I think. About the way she's going on about how happy she is
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246 that we are in love and that we make such an adorable couple. Of
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247 course, her older mind must have figured out what happened between her
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248 and Nadeshiko by now but I must admit even I find my mother a little
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249 intimidating at times when she speaks about her late love (especially
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250 in association with Sakura's father)... and Okaasan is practically as
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251 fond of Sakura as she is/was of her own mother.
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252 Our families aren't the only ones that know though. Sakura's
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253 public confession at choir was clear enough. Even if not everyone
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254 heard what was said, within the days talk around school had managed to
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255 make it pretty much clear to anyone. Rika, Chiharu and Naoko seemed a
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256 little surprised but otherwise were more or less alright with it. I
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257 think they are more baffled that Sakura's scores have become as high
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258 as mine and Rika's...
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259 Apart from that everything is fine. We cannot complain, despite
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260 all those little things. I am sure, given time, Sakura will get over
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261 her experiences and settle into her new life. It still warms my heart
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262 to think that she felt obligated enough to choose me for that purpose
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263 and not Syaoran. I don't doubt her one minute when she says she really
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264 loves me. It's obvious in every action lately, there is no way someone
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rlm@2
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265 can play that. Besides, Sakura has always been a very honest person, I
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rlm@2
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266 am sure she wouldn't lie to me - or anyone - about such an important
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rlm@2
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267 matter. No, Sakura and I are happy and I intend to keep it that way,
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rlm@2
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268 forever if Sakura wants me to.
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rlm@2
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269
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rlm@2
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270 ******************************
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271
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rlm@2
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272 May 20, 1994
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273
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rlm@2
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274 We had our first real date today and it was a glorious event! We
|
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rlm@2
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275 hadn't had found time to actually do something like this until now.
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rlm@2
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276 Okay, if you read this you might say that we are just eleven... Normal
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rlm@2
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277 kids don't have dates at this age. True, I suppose. The thing is I am
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rlm@2
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278 quite aware of some of the other kids at school saying how mature I
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rlm@2
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279 often act and I won't argue with them there if they'd ever directly
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rlm@2
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280 ask me. That has nothing to do with arrogance. It is more a
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rlm@2
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281 good-natured confidence in my abilities. I have always had an
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rlm@2
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282 excellent learning ability. Okaasan says that sometimes she thinks I
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rlm@2
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283 have some sort of eidetic memory. I wouldn't go so far since then I
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rlm@2
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284 doubt I would have to study at all for some subjects. No, I have
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rlm@2
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285 always liked learning new things and ever since meeting Sakura I
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rlm@2
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286 wanted to learn even more to help this magnificent creature through
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rlm@2
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287 life. I realized quickly back then that for all her enigmatic
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288 abilities she was often a tad bit... naïve (I really don't like that
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rlm@2
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289 word) and would need guidance in some areas and in others would need
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rlm@2
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290 to be sheltered. Like a beautiful but fragile flower that will die
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rlm@2
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291 quickly if not constantly kept in the right environment.
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rlm@2
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292 To shorten all that. I guess I have always been a little
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rlm@2
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293 precocious.
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rlm@2
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294 As for Sakura. Well, she isn't the innocent girl anymore anyone
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rlm@2
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295 knew. The other children have more or less gotten used to it but they
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rlm@2
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296 seem a little... "weird out" to quote Sakura herself. That was to be
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rlm@2
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297 expected too, though. No, given that in her mind Sakura was already
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rlm@2
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298 seven years older than me, I believe you can grant her the right to go
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rlm@2
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299 out on dates, right? I think she's having a harder time with some
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rlm@2
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300 things about being little again than she lets on. I mean, I can hardly
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rlm@2
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301 begin to comprehend what it has to feel like, suddenly being younger
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rlm@2
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302 again, with a full recollection of being almost an adult. Must be
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rlm@2
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303 really weird. I am helping her as much as I can and am amazed again
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rlm@2
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304 and again every day at Sakura's ability to let her self be loved but
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rlm@2
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305 also at giving back this love. I have never felt so... important
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rlm@2
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306 before in my life. Why it is true that I am probably one of the
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rlm@2
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307 smartest girls in my age class - Sakura not withstanding (but she has
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rlm@2
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308 seven years in advance of me, technically) -, I can hardly say that I
|
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rlm@2
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309 had much friends or other such social contact outside of occasional
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rlm@2
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310 choir practice before coming to Tomoeda and meeting Sakura.
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rlm@2
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311 Meeting Sakura has been a blessing and that is why I will be
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rlm@2
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312 eternally grateful and why I would never dream of rejecting her just
|
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rlm@2
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313 because she's... different now. My love is hers forever and always.
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rlm@2
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314 After all Rika-san is seeing someone older too (I have a suspicion
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rlm@2
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315 Sakura knows from the looks she gives her sometimes but she won't
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rlm@2
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316 tell), so why should it be different for me? Sakura is still Sakura.
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rlm@2
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317 Seven years of life experience and maturity have not really destroyed
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rlm@2
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318 what I love about her. Certainly not. There is a lot of sadness and
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rlm@2
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319 pain but it is dulling, I can tell, and that is bound to have some
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rlm@2
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320 effects on her personality. Like she's quieter, calmer, more serious.
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rlm@2
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321 However, I have witnessed enough moments already that show that Sakura
|
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rlm@2
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322 is still able to let go and simply enjoy the moment.
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rlm@2
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323 No, I won't... I can't love her any less. This is all a part of
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rlm@2
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324 Sakura now. Besides, the new level of maturity doesn't only have
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rlm@2
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325 negative effects. At times I actually find myself liking the older
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rlm@2
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326 Sakura a little more since we are now able to communicate on a higher
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rlm@2
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327 level. Not that she's suddenly become a genius but she certainly does
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rlm@2
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328 know a lot more about life in general as the Sakura before the fateful
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rlm@2
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329 day at choir practice. I will forever cherish her innocent self, yet I
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rlm@2
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330 know it is not completely lost. In time I am sure she will be a lot
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rlm@2
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331 like the old Sakura again. I'll take her any way she wants to be, that
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rlm@2
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332 is for sure.
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rlm@2
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333 But I've been getting away from the point. I actually wanted to
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rlm@2
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334 talk about the date! You see how much she is affecting me already,
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rlm@2
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335 normally I would not digress from the point that much. Not that I am
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rlm@2
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336 complaining, mind you.
|
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rlm@2
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337 Anyway, it was very beautiful. We had found ourselves a nice,
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rlm@2
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338 sheltered spot at our all time favorite King Penguin park. It had been
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rlm@2
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339 a warm, sunny day, perfect for a picnic for two (Sakura had to
|
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rlm@2
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340 literally threaten Kero not sneak in and disturb us). I think I must
|
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rlm@2
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341 have giggled like a little child with joy when Sakura proceeded to use
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rlm@2
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342 Flower and create a bed of Sakura blossoms for us. It was so
|
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rlm@2
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343 beautiful, so absolutely perfect!
|
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rlm@2
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344 We sat there for hours, talking or simply enjoying each others
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rlm@2
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345 company. Sakura seemed to have made it her special duty to make this
|
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rlm@2
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346 the perfect day for me. I am a little disappointed for not getting
|
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rlm@2
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347 much to do in return but seeing how happy Sakura was just relaxing,
|
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rlm@2
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348 being with me, it makes my heart flutter even now. For the first time
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rlm@2
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349 since her time travel I think I finally saw her completely at peace.
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rlm@2
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350 This is a very precious memory to me.
|
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rlm@2
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351 And then, as evening drew closer, Sakura somehow managed to find
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rlm@2
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352 the perfect ending. I still can't believe she did that! It was all so
|
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rlm@2
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353 amazing. I hadn't suspected anything when Sakura told me I had to hold
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rlm@2
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354 tight onto her so that she could show me a special gift. Needing no
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rlm@2
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355 reason to not comply with such a thrilling request, I was caught a
|
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rlm@2
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356 little off guard than Sakura called for Fly. I had never thought she
|
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rlm@2
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357 could carry me! (at least not that long) It was a little bit of a
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rlm@2
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358 strain for her, I could tell, but she managed. And if the sheer
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rlm@2
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359 excitement of being carried through the late evening sky hadn't been
|
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rlm@2
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360 enough, just guess where she set us down!
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rlm@2
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361 At the top of Tokyo Tower!
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rlm@2
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362 We sat there for almost an hour, watching the sunset. It was a
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rlm@2
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363 moment straight out of a picture... or maybe more like a famous
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rlm@2
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364 painting. Oh yes, it was a little cold up there but I hardly minded.
|
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rlm@2
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365 Not to mention that Sakura seemed to have the presence of mind to keep
|
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rlm@2
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366 up a little fire magic all the time (she really has gotten A LOT
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rlm@2
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367 better).
|
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rlm@2
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368 Once again I am not sure I can describe what exactly went
|
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rlm@2
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369 through me when, close to the end, Sakura whispered to me an
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rlm@2
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370 "Aishiteru" in a voice thick with emotion and followed that up with a
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rlm@2
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371 short but sensual kiss. There is too much that is still waging inside
|
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rlm@2
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372 of me like a hurricane and it is all too jumbled to put into words,
|
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rlm@2
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373 nor would words do any of it justice. However, I can tell you for sure
|
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rlm@2
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374 that if Sakura hadn't held me tightly the whole time, I am sure I
|
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rlm@2
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375 would have fallen off the support beam we had settled on.
|
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rlm@2
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376 I am still so... thrilled! I have been trying to get to sleep
|
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rlm@2
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377 for almost an hour now to no avail, so I decided to sit down and write
|
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rlm@2
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378 all this down now rather than tomorrow. However, I am still much too
|
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rlm@2
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379 excited. I wonder if I get any sleep tonight at all! Sakura is really
|
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rlm@2
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380 an unique experience and it gets even more special than you are the
|
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rlm@2
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381 single-most focus of her attention!
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rlm@2
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382 Dear Diary, I really AM the happiest girl in the world!
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rlm@2
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383
|
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rlm@2
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384 ******************************
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rlm@2
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385
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rlm@2
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386 April 5, 1997
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rlm@2
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387
|
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rlm@2
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388 It's been a long time since I wrote in here. Almost three years.
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rlm@2
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389 Oops.
|
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rlm@2
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390 I guess life has simply been too good for me to write down
|
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rlm@2
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391 anything. I have my tapes after all and all those wonderful memories
|
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rlm@2
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392 of three wonderful years with Sakura so far which are far more worth
|
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rlm@2
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393 than any recorded pictures could ever be. I can hardly believe it's
|
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rlm@2
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394 been that long. We are both in our second year of Junior High now. I
|
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rlm@2
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395 could tell you so many things now but I think I'd be sitting here all
|
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rlm@2
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396 night. Well, it's Friday but still...
|
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rlm@2
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397 Oh, who am I kidding? There is a reason after all I actually
|
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rlm@2
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398 remembered having that diary, I thought writing in here again would
|
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rlm@2
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399 actually help me calm my mind and get things into the right
|
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rlm@2
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400 perspective. You see, Sakura and I have reached a phase of our
|
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rlm@2
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401 relationship that probably has to come for any couple one time or
|
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rlm@2
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402 another. We had our first big fight just five days ago. God, I feel so
|
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rlm@2
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403 horrible. It was so dumb and unnecessary and... I just... don't know
|
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rlm@2
|
404 what's gotten into me.
|
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rlm@2
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405 Maybe I should start from the beginning. I'm not sure where the
|
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rlm@2
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406 tension really began to build up but I believe it might have been
|
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rlm@2
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407 since we entered Junior High. There were just slight nuisances,
|
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rlm@2
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408 beginnings of something that seemed to bother Sakura greatly. Tomoeda
|
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rlm@2
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409 Junior High is a little different than the Elementary School... or it
|
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rlm@2
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410 is VERY different may be a better way to describe it. The teachers are
|
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rlm@2
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411 very strict as is the headmaster, the school prides itself with its
|
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rlm@2
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412 good image and tradition. That posed to be a problem for us. Back in
|
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rlm@2
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413 Elementary School everyone more or less took us for granted. We were
|
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rlm@2
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414 THE couple, really. Everyone found it cute and romantic that we were
|
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rlm@2
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415 together... well, mostly everyone. Now, now we have to be extremely
|
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rlm@2
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416 careful around whom we can trust to show feelings for the other that
|
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rlm@2
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417 are more than friendship. Within the first weeks at Tomoeda Junior
|
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rlm@2
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418 High we learned the hard way that Japanese society might tolerate a
|
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rlm@2
|
419 cute crush between two young girls but if they turn out to be two
|
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rlm@2
|
420 maturing young teenagers who openly show their love for each other,
|
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rlm@2
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421 then the alarm bells are ringing in some people's heads. It is a good
|
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rlm@2
|
422 thing our families stand behind us and support our relationship
|
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rlm@2
|
423 despite some of the harsh treatment we had to endure at the beginning.
|
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rlm@2
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424 I swear Okaasan was ready to sue the school, Touya-oniisan right
|
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rlm@2
|
425 behind her.
|
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rlm@2
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426 Things settled down eventually and the initial uproar has blown
|
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rlm@2
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427 over. Most people know about us but choose to ignore it. There are
|
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rlm@2
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428 some rare people who actually try to support us - if not officially
|
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rlm@2
|
429 than at least in small actions (for example: giving leeway in the way
|
|
rlm@2
|
430 of discipline or maybe giving a higher grade when one of us was
|
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rlm@2
|
431 in-between). So, not all people there are traditional man in business
|
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rlm@2
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432 suits who'd rather improve their self-image than care for their
|
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rlm@2
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433 students, but a lot of them are. And not only once had we played with
|
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rlm@2
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434 the tempting thought of transfer. There were enough - more modern and
|
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rlm@2
|
435 open-minded - schools in the area and both of us were smart enough;
|
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rlm@2
|
436 money wasn't an issue either.
|
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rlm@2
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437 I think it's a bit of defiance probably. Not too mention all of
|
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rlm@2
|
438 our friends are there, even Rika who really could have gotten into a
|
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rlm@2
|
439 better school. But I can understand her well enough after finally
|
|
rlm@2
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440 figuring out that she is seeing Terada-sensei (who had - not so
|
|
rlm@2
|
441 surprisingly - also transferred to Junior High, leaving me wondering
|
|
rlm@2
|
442 if Rika followed him or he followed her!). That was a bit of a shock
|
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rlm@2
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443 at first but at the moment I guess we are sitting in the same boat,
|
|
rlm@2
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444 sort of, and neither of us is keen on budging. Society can be cruel
|
|
rlm@2
|
445 sometimes, especially the traditional-bound Japanese one. While
|
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rlm@2
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446 Western influences had lessened that, there still were a lot of old
|
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rlm@2
|
447 families with a lot of influence.
|
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rlm@2
|
448 But enough about that. It has little do with the current dilemma
|
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rlm@2
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449 since most of the drama had been in the beginning. I just mentioned it
|
|
rlm@2
|
450 because some of it might have affected Sakura more than I initially
|
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rlm@2
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451 thought. Why I still can't fathom but... Well, I hoped it would make
|
|
rlm@2
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452 more sense writing it down, however, it seems I am back to where I
|
|
rlm@2
|
453 started from.
|
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rlm@2
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454 The confrontation had been coming a long way, I guess, and yet I
|
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rlm@2
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455 felt so terrible about it. I had noticed that Sakura is spending more
|
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rlm@2
|
456 and more time by herself, only with Kerberos (and I think Yue too but
|
|
rlm@2
|
457 I can't be sure). I tried to talk to her about it but she's always
|
|
rlm@2
|
458 saying the same thing. "I'm fine, Tomo-chan, don't worry about me."
|
|
rlm@2
|
459 Somehow this feels a little like déjà vu. I used to say things like
|
|
rlm@2
|
460 that often when we were just innocent children. It irked me a little
|
|
rlm@2
|
461 but nevertheless I respected Sakura's privacy. She is after all a lot
|
|
rlm@2
|
462 older than me (in her mind at least) and sometimes she just gets
|
|
rlm@2
|
463 frustrated with being young again. You would think it'd be a blessing
|
|
rlm@2
|
464 for anyone, yet living it is probably a lot different, I guess. She
|
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rlm@2
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465 won't tell me much about it... or everything concerning the time
|
|
rlm@2
|
466 travel that brought her ultimately into my arms. Which brings us back
|
|
rlm@2
|
467 to the root of the problem.
|
|
rlm@2
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468 At first I could ignore all of this, believing it must be too
|
|
rlm@2
|
469 painful to remember or to talk about and Sakura doesn't want to worry
|
|
rlm@2
|
470 me. Then, about half a year ago, a little after my fourteenth
|
|
rlm@2
|
471 birthday, she started to spend all those hours alone in her room at
|
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rlm@2
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472 her house (where she barely ever is anymore, at least not alone). I am
|
|
rlm@2
|
473 pretty sure it has something to do with the cards and in this regard
|
|
rlm@2
|
474 probably with Time. I remember that Kero lectured Sakura again and
|
|
rlm@2
|
475 again about consequences for capturing and using Time but my
|
|
rlm@2
|
476 girlfriend never seemed to be overly concerned. And, as I said
|
|
rlm@2
|
477 already, she won't tell me any details whenever I ask.
|
|
rlm@2
|
478 Everything came to a climax at the beginning of the week. It was
|
|
rlm@2
|
479 April 1, start of the new grade and Sakura's birthday. I had spent
|
|
rlm@2
|
480 practically the whole weekend preparing a special treatment just for
|
|
rlm@2
|
481 my special girlfriend. I had hoped that would help relax her a little
|
|
rlm@2
|
482 and maybe she'd open up to me. Not that I would have pressed.
|
|
rlm@2
|
483 I had everything set, Okaasan was on a business trip and I had
|
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rlm@2
|
484 sent most of the serving stuff home. I told Sakura to come over after
|
|
rlm@2
|
485 her club practice (she's still doing cheerleading but most of it
|
|
rlm@2
|
486 half-heartedly, she actually has joined the Choir club so that we
|
|
rlm@2
|
487 could spent even more time together). And so I sat there, alone in the
|
|
rlm@2
|
488 big house and waited for Sakura.
|
|
rlm@2
|
489 Sakura didn't come.
|
|
rlm@2
|
490 At first I became worried that something might have happened so
|
|
rlm@2
|
491 I called her on our private phones, only to discover that Sakura had
|
|
rlm@2
|
492 turned off hers, something I discovered she was almost always doing
|
|
rlm@2
|
493 when working with the cards. I considered going over and looking for
|
|
rlm@2
|
494 myself but something in me was rebelling and refused to just chase
|
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rlm@2
|
495 after my errand girlfriend. A feeling rather new and unusual for me. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
496 usually tended to defend Sakura's actions even if I should by all
|
|
rlm@2
|
497 standards be angry with some. For me Sakura's happiness had always
|
|
rlm@2
|
498 been valued higher than anyone else's - including my own. Ironically
|
|
rlm@2
|
499 enough, thinking about it now, the anger might be a result of Sakura's
|
|
rlm@2
|
500 own doing. The brunette was so adamant about our relationship that she
|
|
rlm@2
|
501 had practically made me speak my mind more often, whenever something
|
|
rlm@2
|
502 is bothering me or I just need to talk to her, she made it very clear,
|
|
rlm@2
|
503 that she will always be there for me, insisting for me to confide in
|
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rlm@2
|
504 her always.
|
|
rlm@2
|
505 I was still worried but I knew that if something happened to
|
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rlm@2
|
506 Sakura I would know it. I had known in my heart if she was in danger.
|
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rlm@2
|
507 Besides, she'd never turn off that phone other than for her magical
|
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rlm@2
|
508 studies that she was so secretive about. So I waited, and Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
509 didn't come.
|
|
rlm@2
|
510 Next morning I confronted her before school. Turns out she
|
|
rlm@2
|
511 "forgot"! She forgot about her own private birthday party with her
|
|
rlm@2
|
512 girlfriend?! I might have bought that from the innocent ten-year old
|
|
rlm@2
|
513 before the whole time travel incident but not from her, not now. And
|
|
rlm@2
|
514 then she had the audacity to brush me off with a feeble apology that
|
|
rlm@2
|
515 she "is not feeling well".
|
|
rlm@2
|
516 To quote Sakura: Hoe?
|
|
rlm@2
|
517 Sakura doesn't just simply feel "not well". My girlfriend is the
|
|
rlm@2
|
518 healthiest girl I know, really. She's so full of energy that she's
|
|
rlm@2
|
519 almost bursting most of the time. While it has been much more reserved
|
|
rlm@2
|
520 since her change it is still there. It's something so typical Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
521 that you can't miss it after having seen it once.
|
|
rlm@2
|
522 And what shocked me more and is still puzzling me is that look
|
|
rlm@2
|
523 she gave me. Sakura almost seemed scared, not off me, but maybe
|
|
rlm@2
|
524 something having to do with me. And that scared me in return. Having
|
|
rlm@2
|
525 Sakura look so... lost... and as if the devil was chasing her (I
|
|
rlm@2
|
526 really can't describe it any better) was disconcerting to say the
|
|
rlm@2
|
527 least.
|
|
rlm@2
|
528 All throughout the day and the next morning almost no word had
|
|
rlm@2
|
529 been spoken between us. I think that was the longest ever since we've
|
|
rlm@2
|
530 been together and not separated by vacation or other things. And I
|
|
rlm@2
|
531 swear the whole school seemed to have picked up on it. Even some of
|
|
rlm@2
|
532 the teachers who usually loved to focus their attention on us made a
|
|
rlm@2
|
533 point not to.
|
|
rlm@2
|
534 Tuesday afternoon I finally had enough. I was confused about all
|
|
rlm@2
|
535 of this but I was also feeling uncharacteristically angry. I wanted to
|
|
rlm@2
|
536 know what was going on. I didn't see what I could have done wrong and
|
|
rlm@2
|
537 Sakura would neither speak up on her own or come over as she usually
|
|
rlm@2
|
538 did. And that devastating silence was straining my nerves. So then,
|
|
rlm@2
|
539 finally, I went over to the Kinomoto house and practically marched
|
|
rlm@2
|
540 into her room (the look on Touya's face would have been priceless if I
|
|
rlm@2
|
541 hadn't been in such a foul mood).
|
|
rlm@2
|
542 I had secretly hoped to find Sakura sitting on her desk, working
|
|
rlm@2
|
543 with her cards or something like that. That way I would have at least
|
|
rlm@2
|
544 had somewhere to start but that didn't stop or slow me down any. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
545 think, analyzing it now, most of my feelings weren't so much anger as
|
|
rlm@2
|
546 they were frustration, frustration fueled by worry and the uncertainty
|
|
rlm@2
|
547 of what was going on with my girlfriend. She is the most important
|
|
rlm@2
|
548 thing in my life and I think I deserve to know what is going on in her
|
|
rlm@2
|
549 life. She told me pretty much the same after all. Doesn't she trust me
|
|
rlm@2
|
550 with this? I was... still am a little hurt about that. Maybe it's
|
|
rlm@2
|
551 unfair to feel like that but I really can't help it at the moment.
|
|
rlm@2
|
552 When I told her all that, told her that I wanted to know what
|
|
rlm@2
|
553 was going on, why she was shutting me out from her magical studies and
|
|
rlm@2
|
554 why she never told me about the future. I wanted to know, even if it
|
|
rlm@2
|
555 might not be pleasant. I am sure she was trying to protect me in some
|
|
rlm@2
|
556 way and I am grateful for that, but I am also still her girlfriend and
|
|
rlm@2
|
557 couldn't just stand by letting Sakura worry herself all on her own.
|
|
rlm@2
|
558 I am still mulling over her response. Sakura actually apologized
|
|
rlm@2
|
559 for being so absent lately and that she was doing very important
|
|
rlm@2
|
560 things that had to be taken care off. And that there were some things
|
|
rlm@2
|
561 she couldn't tell me yet... I swear I could hear the "I tell you if
|
|
rlm@2
|
562 you are older" behind the words (again déjà vu) and that really leaves
|
|
rlm@2
|
563 me puzzled. Sakura rarely makes comments likes that or treats anyone
|
|
rlm@2
|
564 as if she is really those seven years older. And it's not just an act
|
|
rlm@2
|
565 but rather genuine from what I can tell.
|
|
rlm@2
|
566 Before I could come up with any sort of response she had gently
|
|
rlm@2
|
567 but persistently made me leave, saying she had some things to do,
|
|
rlm@2
|
568 alone, and that right now she couldn't be distracted. And THAT really
|
|
rlm@2
|
569 hurt. It felt like Sakura was purposefully trying to put distance
|
|
rlm@2
|
570 between us. As if she was afraid that something might happen if we
|
|
rlm@2
|
571 were too close right now.
|
|
rlm@2
|
572 I have the very distinct feeling that I am missing something
|
|
rlm@2
|
573 obvious here but I just can't put my finger on it.
|
|
rlm@2
|
574 This had been about three days ago and apart from sporadic talk
|
|
rlm@2
|
575 in school, there had been a deep wedge between us and I simply felt
|
|
rlm@2
|
576 terrible about it. Logically seen there was no reason for me to feel
|
|
rlm@2
|
577 at fault but this state was becoming unbearable. Being so close to my
|
|
rlm@2
|
578 one and true love and yet so far away... I feel like I am going to
|
|
rlm@2
|
579 explode any moment now!
|
|
rlm@2
|
580 No, I didn't really feel at fault. However, I felt extremely
|
|
rlm@2
|
581 worried and a little ashamed at my reaction. After all everyone had
|
|
rlm@2
|
582 their secrets, so why should Sakura be an exception. How could I know
|
|
rlm@2
|
583 that with my intense reaction I might have even made it worse than it
|
|
rlm@2
|
584 actually was? Also she had sacrificed so much by traveling back in
|
|
rlm@2
|
585 time, she gave up Syaoran to be with me. I should by all means be
|
|
rlm@2
|
586 thankful.
|
|
rlm@2
|
587 Yet, the fact remained that I was worried. For Sakura and for
|
|
rlm@2
|
588 us. I feel very lucky to have such a fierce protector, nevertheless
|
|
rlm@2
|
589 this had reached a point where I felt utterly excluded from things.
|
|
rlm@2
|
590 Doesn't she understand that seeing her worried and in pain, pains me
|
|
rlm@2
|
591 equally? How can she expect by shutting me out not to make me worry? I
|
|
rlm@2
|
592 have to know what is going on and I will...
|
|
rlm@2
|
593 Yes, my decision is made. Tomorrow I will go over and find out
|
|
rlm@2
|
594 what all this is about. I might not like it but that should be for me
|
|
rlm@2
|
595 to decide. I wanted my girlfriend back, all the pros and cons about
|
|
rlm@2
|
596 her, nothing less. I will apologize for being so angry but I will also
|
|
rlm@2
|
597 make sure that she knows that I am worried about her and that all I
|
|
rlm@2
|
598 want to do is help her. We have always been together through so many
|
|
rlm@2
|
599 things. The school problems at the beginning of last year hadn't
|
|
rlm@2
|
600 managed to drive a wedge between us, so I won't let this thing
|
|
rlm@2
|
601 (whatever it is) either. Sakura has to realize that and I will make
|
|
rlm@2
|
602 her realize it!
|
|
rlm@2
|
603 Reading back over that last paragraph, I think I sound rather
|
|
rlm@2
|
604 scary... Hah, I feel a lot better now. Tomorrow I will make sure to
|
|
rlm@2
|
605 fix whatever is burdening our relationship or at least to share that
|
|
rlm@2
|
606 burden with Sakura. Thanks, Diary, sometimes it's nice to have
|
|
rlm@2
|
607 somewhere to write all this down and analyze your thoughts. That
|
|
rlm@2
|
608 really helped me today.
|
|
rlm@2
|
609
|
|
rlm@2
|
610 ******************************
|
|
rlm@2
|
611
|
|
rlm@2
|
612 April 7, 1997
|
|
rlm@2
|
613
|
|
rlm@2
|
614 Some time ago, someone - I am not sure who - said to me that too
|
|
rlm@2
|
615 much wisdom, too much knowledge poisons the mind. It sounded like the
|
|
rlm@2
|
616 words of a wise man then and even more so now. I wonder if I would
|
|
rlm@2
|
617 have been better off listening to them...
|
|
rlm@2
|
618 Okay, that sounds very gloomy. There is enough motivation for
|
|
rlm@2
|
619 that though. Thinking my dearest Sakura had to go through all...
|
|
rlm@2
|
620 this... terrible... things. I had wanted to know. Now I knew and I
|
|
rlm@2
|
621 feel a certain numbness and a deep sadness coming from that knowledge.
|
|
rlm@2
|
622 But I am not making much sense to you, do I? So I better start
|
|
rlm@2
|
623 from the beginning.
|
|
rlm@2
|
624 My decision made I had wanted to go over early to Sakura and
|
|
rlm@2
|
625 make her tell me about all that bothered her lately. That is where I
|
|
rlm@2
|
626 got my first surprise, finding the demure and rather meek-looking
|
|
rlm@2
|
627 brunette at my doorstep, appearing for all it was worth like a
|
|
rlm@2
|
628 chastened child. I immediately felt sick in my heart, knowing that I
|
|
rlm@2
|
629 was probably one of the main reasons for her state. After writing my
|
|
rlm@2
|
630 thoughts down, I had lain awake for some time, regret beginning to
|
|
rlm@2
|
631 plague me. Regret for some of the harsh words traded and the
|
|
rlm@2
|
632 accusation I had so blindly uttered. I knew that something was
|
|
rlm@2
|
633 troubling Sakura and that she just wanted to shield me from it.
|
|
rlm@2
|
634 Certainly I hadn't done her a favor with my explosion of temper, as
|
|
rlm@2
|
635 rare as it was.
|
|
rlm@2
|
636 Therefore I was quick to assure her that I wasn't at all angry
|
|
rlm@2
|
637 with her anymore when she practically begged for forgiveness. I felt
|
|
rlm@2
|
638 so terrible that moment, seeing her so lost and obviously torn inside.
|
|
rlm@2
|
639 How could I have ever even thought that she doesn't trust me? The
|
|
rlm@2
|
640 appearance she gave yesterday morning spoke more than the revelation
|
|
rlm@2
|
641 of any secret how devoted she is to me, how much she depends on my
|
|
rlm@2
|
642 presence and love.
|
|
rlm@2
|
643 After we had calmed down a little, Sakura asked me if I still
|
|
rlm@2
|
644 wanted to know. She revealed that it might not make a difference
|
|
rlm@2
|
645 anymore soon and she probably couldn't shield me from what was to
|
|
rlm@2
|
646 come. As gentle as possible I made her see that I wanted to know
|
|
rlm@2
|
647 EVERYTHING that was going on in her life. We were a couple, and
|
|
rlm@2
|
648 couples share such things, they share everything. We were so close
|
|
rlm@2
|
649 already and despite feeling like dirt at the moment, I hated to not
|
|
rlm@2
|
650 being able to care for my Sakura properly, not knowing what it was
|
|
rlm@2
|
651 that bothered her.
|
|
rlm@2
|
652 Sakura just smiled at me a little sadly but with more fondness
|
|
rlm@2
|
653 and love I had seen her do in a long while. And then she told me.
|
|
rlm@2
|
654 Kami, yes, she told me... everything! I sat there just listening, numb
|
|
rlm@2
|
655 with shock over some of the things that were revealed to me that very
|
|
rlm@2
|
656 moment.
|
|
rlm@2
|
657 I am not sure I should write all this down, I am not sure I even
|
|
rlm@2
|
658 can. However, I feel that if someone ever reads this, they deserve to
|
|
rlm@2
|
659 know about what that innocent, gentle creature had to go through, what
|
|
rlm@2
|
660 kind of future she left behind by risking so much to come here and set
|
|
rlm@2
|
661 things right. Set things right mostly for me. I don't think I really
|
|
rlm@2
|
662 deserve that, I feel insignificant compared to Sakura's big heart. She
|
|
rlm@2
|
663 had made clear to me that what she did wasn't done primarily in order
|
|
rlm@2
|
664 to save the world from the terrible future she had witnessed but in
|
|
rlm@2
|
665 the first place it was because of me. Her wish while confronting Time
|
|
rlm@2
|
666 wasn't about setting things right for the world, that had only been in
|
|
rlm@2
|
667 the back of her mind. Her sole motivation was for me and the love she
|
|
rlm@2
|
668 felt she owed me. It's all so amazing and hard to believe, how can I
|
|
rlm@2
|
669 even hope to compare to that with my meager devotion?
|
|
rlm@2
|
670 Still, I wanted to tell you of what happened in that future
|
|
rlm@2
|
671 Sakura left and might as well do so. Everything started out as
|
|
rlm@2
|
672 normally as you may expect. Sakura and Syaoran were happy. All three
|
|
rlm@2
|
673 of us had stuck together all the way up to and through High School. It
|
|
rlm@2
|
674 was after graduation that IT happened. No one on Earth at that time
|
|
rlm@2
|
675 truly knew what exactly caused it, where the malevolent creature came
|
|
rlm@2
|
676 from. However, when She began to emerge and reign terror on the cities
|
|
rlm@2
|
677 of the planet it was like the very definition of hell, many brave
|
|
rlm@2
|
678 warriors and magicians fell to Her infinite seeming power. In the
|
|
rlm@2
|
679 matter of a few month the world became a place darker than night,
|
|
rlm@2
|
680 filled with death and despair.
|
|
rlm@2
|
681 In Greek mythology there is a tale about a box that the first
|
|
rlm@2
|
682 woman on Earth opened because she was curious. This box harbored all
|
|
rlm@2
|
683 of the humanity's darker emotion. Fear, jealousy, hate, greed, bigotry
|
|
rlm@2
|
684 (you can continue that list endlessly). The woman was named Pandora
|
|
rlm@2
|
685 and the box had become known as Pandora's Box. I am not sure whether
|
|
rlm@2
|
686 it is a coincidence, a connection or just the perverted humor of fate
|
|
rlm@2
|
687 but the creature that had wrecked havoc in Sakura's future had been
|
|
rlm@2
|
688 aptly named Pandora as well.
|
|
rlm@2
|
689 The little Sakura described about her still sent shivers down my
|
|
rlm@2
|
690 spine, thinking about the emotions alone I saw in her normally vivid
|
|
rlm@2
|
691 and cheerful eyes and heard in her soft, whispered tones. Fear. There
|
|
rlm@2
|
692 was fear. Not anger or loathing or rage at the unbelievable things
|
|
rlm@2
|
693 that evil creature had done to her and Earth. Those emotions were
|
|
rlm@2
|
694 there too, but they were insignificant compared to the fear and the
|
|
rlm@2
|
695 terror emitting from Sakura speaking of her experience. Eriol said
|
|
rlm@2
|
696 that Sakura was the strongest mage on Earth now and to just think
|
|
rlm@2
|
697 about something or someone evoking such strong reactions from my
|
|
rlm@2
|
698 beloved is... unsettling doesn't even begin to describe it.
|
|
rlm@2
|
699 Pandora had turned Earth into a world of terror and fear and
|
|
rlm@2
|
700 there was no one able to stop her path of destruction. Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
701 described her as something very old, totally incapable of having
|
|
rlm@2
|
702 positive emotion. Her whole being was a reflection, the epitome of any
|
|
rlm@2
|
703 dark emotion you could come up with. Her whole purpose was to turn
|
|
rlm@2
|
704 everything into oblivion in the most painful, torturous way possible.
|
|
rlm@2
|
705 Her powers were so massive that compared to her Sakura's own seemed
|
|
rlm@2
|
706 like comparing an ant with an elephant.
|
|
rlm@2
|
707 And the worst part is, Sakura steadfastly believes that the same
|
|
rlm@2
|
708 thing might happen again very soon if she doesn't do something about
|
|
rlm@2
|
709 it in advance.
|
|
rlm@2
|
710 That is what she has been doing the last months, using the cards
|
|
rlm@2
|
711 to predict the future and possible chances to prevent the fate that
|
|
rlm@2
|
712 had befallen her own time from happening here. I cried for Sakura's
|
|
rlm@2
|
713 grief at her description at how Pandora had come for her as well and
|
|
rlm@2
|
714 how she had to watch first Syaoran's death and then my own. She
|
|
rlm@2
|
715 visibly relieved that moment and it was a torturing experience. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
716 realized then that it must have been that moment that Sakura finally
|
|
rlm@2
|
717 realized my feelings and that still makes me choke back an angry sob.
|
|
rlm@2
|
718 That is not how I would have wanted Sakura to find out. I know she was
|
|
rlm@2
|
719 caring so much for all those close to her and that she could never
|
|
rlm@2
|
720 live with my death. That is why I had sworn to myself that even if
|
|
rlm@2
|
721 Sakura ended up with Syaoran and we drifted apart, I wouldn't do
|
|
rlm@2
|
722 anything rash and stupid. I know I would just make Sakura sad and hate
|
|
rlm@2
|
723 herself and that is a thought I cannot stand.
|
|
rlm@2
|
724 I had to hold and reassure her for almost half an hour before
|
|
rlm@2
|
725 she managed to calm down. I smoothed the embarrassment Sakura felt at
|
|
rlm@2
|
726 having broken down like that immediately, making sure that she knows I
|
|
rlm@2
|
727 would and will never do anything like this on purpose. Not that I have
|
|
rlm@2
|
728 a reason now but it was very important at that moment to soothe those
|
|
rlm@2
|
729 fears.
|
|
rlm@2
|
730 I wasn't quite sure what to do or say to soothe her fears about
|
|
rlm@2
|
731 Pandora though. Sakura hadn't even done more when describing
|
|
rlm@2
|
732 superficially what happened and I can tell where is a lot still left
|
|
rlm@2
|
733 untold (which right now really isn't much of a bad thing). Just from
|
|
rlm@2
|
734 watching how terrified the usually brave and determined girl was of
|
|
rlm@2
|
735 that evil creature put me at a loss for words. What could little,
|
|
rlm@2
|
736 unimportant me do after all? All I managed was that weak reminder of
|
|
rlm@2
|
737 her magic phrase again. Everything would surely be alright. Yeah sure,
|
|
rlm@2
|
738 I am quite sure I had said the same thing in her future and I know now
|
|
rlm@2
|
739 that it hadn't helped a tiny bit.
|
|
rlm@2
|
740 Thinking along these lines I was rather surprised to find Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
741 looking at me with a serious expression, a flicker of that
|
|
rlm@2
|
742 breathtaking determination in her eyes. Then she said the absolutely
|
|
rlm@2
|
743 sweetest thing. That this phrase held little meaning without me there.
|
|
rlm@2
|
744 I breathed life into the phrase, gave it a purpose, a direction. That
|
|
rlm@2
|
745 as long as I was there that everything WILL always be alright. And
|
|
rlm@2
|
746 that because of me and us being together, my love fueling her, pushing
|
|
rlm@2
|
747 me onward, she might be able to change the future and make it better
|
|
rlm@2
|
748 for us. That is why she had pushed herself so hardly lately, to
|
|
rlm@2
|
749 prevent all this from happening. For me.
|
|
rlm@2
|
750 ME.
|
|
rlm@2
|
751 Wow.
|
|
rlm@2
|
752 My expression must have been priceless that moment. But Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
753 didn't express her obviously humor, just a fond, loving smile,
|
|
rlm@2
|
754 followed by a kiss so sensual and utterly devouring I felt like I was
|
|
rlm@2
|
755 being sucked right into her. My body is still shaking from the
|
|
rlm@2
|
756 feelings coursing through me. I could feel all the pent up
|
|
rlm@2
|
757 frustrations of the last months but also all the love she felt for me.
|
|
rlm@2
|
758 I realized then that until that moment that as much as I thought I
|
|
rlm@2
|
759 knew how lucky I was, how much Sakura loved me and was willing to give
|
|
rlm@2
|
760 for me, I never had completely understood.
|
|
rlm@2
|
761 I am not sure if we can weather that storm. I really am not as
|
|
rlm@2
|
762 much as I wish to fuel myself but... I will have faith in Sakura and
|
|
rlm@2
|
763 if she wishes me to be by her side, supporting her as much as I can,
|
|
rlm@2
|
764 then I will. I will believe in my angel, my savior. If anyone can do
|
|
rlm@2
|
765 it, she can.
|
|
rlm@2
|
766
|
|
rlm@2
|
767 THE END (for now)
|
|
rlm@2
|
768
|
|
rlm@2
|
769 Author's Notes
|
|
rlm@2
|
770
|
|
rlm@2
|
771 Okay, this might seem a little cut off and doesn't explain everything,
|
|
rlm@2
|
772 probably only serves to open up more questions. But that was wholly
|
|
rlm@2
|
773 intended that way. I think I revealed already more than I wanted at
|
|
rlm@2
|
774 that point anyway.
|
|
rlm@2
|
775 This is going to be part of a bigger project, a background story so to
|
|
rlm@2
|
776 say but you can read it as a stand alone as well (I hope). There will
|
|
rlm@2
|
777 be one more installment (probably featuring two parts) that will tie
|
|
rlm@2
|
778 things up for the background story and Sakura and Tomoyo's
|
|
rlm@2
|
779 involvement. Seeing that Maia seems to have a good inspiration streak
|
|
rlm@2
|
780 right now, you may see it sooner than you think.
|
|
rlm@2
|
781 Don't worry Sailormoon fans as I said this will tie into a bigger
|
|
rlm@2
|
782 project and you will soon get to see something of it (always assuming
|
|
rlm@2
|
783 Maia complies).
|
|
rlm@2
|
784
|
|
rlm@2
|
785 Some things to clear up.
|
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rlm@2
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786 First off, I changed a tiny amount of things in "The Different Path".
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rlm@2
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787 No real revision but more little details that are necessary. I am a
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rlm@2
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788 perfectionist than writing, especially concerning facts like a working
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rlm@2
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789 timeline that makes sense. I realized that the birth year given for
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rlm@2
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790 Tomoyo on her tombstone has actually to be one year earlier or she'll
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rlm@2
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791 end up younger than Sakura. Why this might be possible, it doesn't
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rlm@2
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792 work out for the timeline of the greater project. That's really a
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