rlm@2: Title: Happy Years rlm@2: Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew rlm@2: Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de rlm@2: Status: Alpha rlm@2: Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga) rlm@2: Rating: PG-13 rlm@2: Category: Romance, a tad bit darkish rlm@2: Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo rlm@2: Timeline: Sequel to "The Different Path" rlm@2: Summary: Tomoyo reflects on the changes in her lives and the rlm@2: experiences she had in her relationship with the "older" Sakura and rlm@2: how the consequences of Sakura's wish begin to catch up with them. rlm@2: Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com), rlm@2: ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), Moonlit rlm@2: Nights (http://jrem.net/moonlit/tsFics.html) others may follow. If you rlm@2: like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm not likely to put rlm@2: stones in your way, but I like to know where it goes. rlm@2: Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically rlm@2: involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing, rlm@2: turn around and leave now. rlm@2: Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted rlm@2: companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline. rlm@2: Story Disclaimer: Happy Years(c)2003 by Matthias Engel rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: Foreword rlm@2: rlm@2: This is going to be the sequel to The Different Path. I firmed my rlm@2: decision meanwhile that this will tie in with an idea I had for rlm@2: another Sailormoon story. For now there is no visible connection but rlm@2: they will flow together eventually when I get to the main story. But rlm@2: that probably is still in the future. rlm@2: For now, this was prompted a little by one of the reviews I got, rlm@2: wondering how Tomoyo's reaction to all this would be. This is a bit rlm@2: free after the concept "Scenes of the rest of their life" or something rlm@2: like that. The story will be done in diary format with several short rlm@2: and some longer entries... we'll see, I never know this in advance. :) rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: Happy Years rlm@2: Based on the works of CLAMP rlm@2: Story Concept by Matthias Engel rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: April 13, 1994 rlm@2: Dear Diary. rlm@2: rlm@2: It has been awhile that I wrote in here and I'm sorry for rlm@2: leaving you at such a crucial point where my dear Sakura seemed to be rlm@2: just inches away from confessing her love to Syaoran. The reason why I rlm@2: didn't get to write in here lately is that something really incredible rlm@2: happened. Something so incredible that it will also effect this diary. rlm@2: For as long as I kept this, I have dedicated these entries rlm@2: solely to my one true love. The walking miracle that is Sakura-chan, rlm@2: trying to capture my thoughts on the beautiful girl that had captured rlm@2: my heart from the first day we met. But now, I can't write about rlm@2: Sakura alone anymore because the most joyous, unexpected thing rlm@2: happened... rlm@2: But let me begin from the beginning, yes? It was on the day rlm@2: Li-kun was going to return home. I had already suspected of course rlm@2: that Sakura as was typical of her would only realize her feelings at rlm@2: the last moment. Not that I want to say that she is... indecisive. rlm@2: Sakura just has a hard time realizing her own feelings but you really rlm@2: cannot fault her for that. It is just as I told her a short while ago. rlm@2: Peoples hearts are hard to predict - even Eriol-kun said so. And rlm@2: usually it is hardest to understand your own heart. rlm@2: But back to what happened. Since Sakura was expected to come to rlm@2: her realization a little late, I went and called her early. That was rlm@2: when the first odd thing happened. I was actually going to tell her rlm@2: about where she could find Li-kun but instead I only reached her rlm@2: brother and Touya told me that she was already out... rlm@2: Going back to practice, I had pretty much shrugged it off and rlm@2: told myself that it didn't matter. If she managed on her own, all the rlm@2: better, even though I would have liked to help. All I ever wanted to rlm@2: be was a part of Sakura's life. Before Li-kun came along I used to rlm@2: entertain the hope that maybe in the future, when her crush on Yukito rlm@2: passed and we were both older, I might actually seize my chance and rlm@2: tell her. But it became apparent that Sakura and Syaoran were meant rlm@2: for each other and developed feelings that both were reluctant to rlm@2: realize and admit to. But that day, when I thought for sure that it rlm@2: would be Syaoran she would ultimately choose as her special person, I rlm@2: had to realize that with all that I deemed to know about Sakura, a rlm@2: person can neither predict someone's else hearts accordingly. I rlm@2: learned that sometimes if you think you know someone else's heart, you rlm@2: might end up surprised. rlm@2: Back to events. It was near the end of our next practice session rlm@2: that I noticed someone watching me. You know that prickling feeling at rlm@2: the base of your neck? It got stronger and stronger and it filled me rlm@2: with almost giddy anticipation although I couldn't fathom why. I had rlm@2: ignored it for awhile, concentrating on the practice. However, it rlm@2: became too much and I finally glanced towards the entrance and there rlm@2: was Sakura. rlm@2: I was so totally baffled I almost missed the next several notes. rlm@2: I would have bet all my insurance - and that is after all plenty - rlm@2: that she would have been with Li-kun at that moment. It was about the rlm@2: time when his bus left for the airport after all... I don't think rlm@2: Sakura ever managed to confuse like this before. I thought I knew my rlm@2: best friend and secret love so well but her appearance had totally rlm@2: thrown my belief for a loop. rlm@2: But that was not the only surprise I should get. Approaching her rlm@2: in the pause, I immediately realized that something was different rlm@2: about her. Outwardly she seemed to be the same person but inside there rlm@2: was something so completely different that it startled me for a rlm@2: moment. I briefly entertained the notion that it might be Mirror or rlm@2: Illusion but was pretty sure that I would notice that. It was still rlm@2: Sakura, just... different... somehow. rlm@2: Then Sakura told me she saw Syaoran off - as expected - and rlm@2: confessed that she does love him. I couldn't help but feel a little rlm@2: disappointed for a brief moment. When I saw her standing there, I rlm@2: hadn't been able to help the thought, the hope that maybe... But that rlm@2: was crazy, illogical, Sakura and Syaoran were meant for each other and rlm@2: Sakura would be happy with him... Or so I immediately told myself rlm@2: again. rlm@2: That was when Sakura really shocked me. While she loves Syaoran, rlm@2: there is a person that she loves equally but who needs her more. rlm@2: Syaoran isn't necessary to give her life meaning and neither is she rlm@2: for Syaoran's life. That is how she put it. Then she told me she rlm@2: couldn't live without me, though, and asked me if I could live without rlm@2: her. rlm@2: Of course the question was silly, needed no answer and I believe rlm@2: Sakura had not expected one. But when her words finally sank in... I rlm@2: can't describe how I feel because I'm not sure if there are words rlm@2: existing in any written or spoken language that properly can describe rlm@2: my feelings in that moment and the ones that followed. I barely rlm@2: managed to find my voice in order to respond, asking what exactly she rlm@2: meant by that. Of course, the question was rhetorical. That spark of rlm@2: hope at seeing Sakura standing there, watching me sing, had exploded rlm@2: from a tiny star into a full-fledged super nova. The meaning of her rlm@2: words had been all too clear, yet the emotions suddenly welling up rlm@2: from deep inside me were overwhelming and hindered my thought process rlm@2: a lot. rlm@2: Sakura told me she wants me - ME - to be her special person and rlm@2: gave me a teddy bear. rlm@2: God, I was sure my heart would stop beating right there, frozen rlm@2: in this moment of perfect bliss. rlm@2: But it didn't, thankfully, because I would surely have regretted rlm@2: if it did. Hearing these three words from Sakura, spoken honestly and rlm@2: with clear conviction behind them was a gift I would cherish forever. rlm@2: Oh, how I had longed for this moment. It hadn't mattered right then rlm@2: that Sakura might be a little different and it still doesn't matter. rlm@2: Nothing really mattered then and right now. Okaasan says I am rlm@2: "deliriously happy" nowadays. But who can forbid me that? Sakura loves rlm@2: me as much as I love her. Her beautiful, kind heart has chosen me to rlm@2: claim that special place only reserved for one person. How can I not rlm@2: be "deliriously happy" then? rlm@2: It had been only later in the day that I found out exactly what rlm@2: had made Sakura change her mind and what is so different about her. rlm@2: The experience was quite shocking itself. Apparently Sakura had been rlm@2: traveling back in time by capturing a hidden Clow Card. She hasn't rlm@2: told me any details about the future she left yet and I won't pry. It rlm@2: is painfully obvious that whatever dire reason she had for this rlm@2: action, whatever had happened in the future, saddened her. It is in rlm@2: her eyes. When she thinks I'm not watching her - what I do most of the rlm@2: time anyway. There is something...haunted there. It pains me to know rlm@2: that my dearest Sakura had to go through such hardships in her time rlm@2: and would give everything to know how to take that pain away. But I rlm@2: will let her decide when she wants to tell me everything. For now what rlm@2: she told me that day at choir practice turns out to be the truth. She rlm@2: is beginning to be happy, more her old self again. I can tell it will rlm@2: be a long path though and by now everyone close to Sakura has noticed rlm@2: some changes but only a few seem concerned. Sakura told me that she rlm@2: could be happy now that she is with me. And she is happy. Genuinely rlm@2: happy. And I am the one that makes her happy! rlm@2: So, what does that mean for this diary? Well, it is not going to rlm@2: be solely dedicated to my beloved anymore. Now that she has proposed rlm@2: to share her life with me, I will make this diary a dedication to OUR rlm@2: relationship. OUR. I still can hardly believe all this and if you ask rlm@2: me now about my exact thoughts, I think I am still not ready to form rlm@2: any remotely coherent ones. rlm@2: It is becoming late, I will write in here some more at a later rlm@2: point. rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: May 6, 1994 rlm@2: rlm@2: Yes, I've said I write earlier but a lot of things happened. rlm@2: Well, not that much but more like what happened has kept us very busy. rlm@2: While I never was opposed to the idea of coming out I am surprised at rlm@2: how fast it is happening. Interestingly neither Sakura's family nor my rlm@2: mother were really surprised at finding out Sakura had chosen me rlm@2: instead of Li-kun. I suspected at much but it still manages to make me rlm@2: happy. The least I wished was to cause Sakura any more trouble. It is rlm@2: apparently hard enough for her to deal with her time travel... aside rlm@2: from complaining about having to go back to school and learn all that rlm@2: boring stuff again! (she's so cute when she pouts!). No, the rlm@2: transition seems not to be an easy one, especially on an emotional rlm@2: level. Sakura is almost clingy ever since confessing to me. Not that I rlm@2: mind, definitely not. But it worries me. It's almost like she expects rlm@2: me to disappear any moment. By now, even without her telling me, I rlm@2: become firmed in my belief that whatever happened in her time must rlm@2: have included my and probably the others' deaths as well. My heart rlm@2: aches at how much pain I sometimes seem in her eyes and since we are rlm@2: sleeping over a lot I have woken more than once finding Sakura shaking rlm@2: with a nightmare. I wish I could take them all away but that's one rlm@2: thing I can't do. All there is left for me is to be there for the one rlm@2: girl I love and help her forget about the trauma that has driven her rlm@2: here and into my waiting arms. rlm@2: Mind you, that sounds like she's a frightened wreck but that rlm@2: isn't the impression I want to give you. Those moments are rare and rlm@2: mostly private. Sakura is most comfortably opening up to me and that rlm@2: display of trust makes me love her even more... if that is even rlm@2: possible. Yet, the change is becoming obvious to anyone close to rlm@2: Sakura. As much as she tries to "act her age", this Sakura IS far more rlm@2: mature and the weight of her heavy past (or future, whatever way you rlm@2: want to look at it) doesn't allow her to completely fall back into her rlm@2: innocent self. rlm@2: Do I love her less because of that? If you know me, you rlm@2: shouldn't even be asking that question. Even if she's older mentally rlm@2: and far from the innocent cheerleader that managed to capture my heart rlm@2: within a second of meeting her, she is still Sakura. There is rlm@2: something unique about her. Actually, there are many things unique rlm@2: about her. Like her big heart that seems to be big enough to include rlm@2: anyone who wants to have a part of it... and even those who don't. Or rlm@2: her fierce determination when she gets an idea in her head. Right now rlm@2: I am experiencing a whole new dimension of that determination all rlm@2: focused on me. It often leaves me overwhelmed thinking alone that rlm@2: Sakura's genki spirit will now always be focused on me and my needs. rlm@2: She's constantly getting me things, asking me what I want to do when rlm@2: all I really need is her. But Sakura is persistent about making me as rlm@2: happy as possible. And I am as happy as possible. Really, I am. rlm@2: It appears I have come a little off topic. I was talking about rlm@2: her families reaction. Quite frankly if there had been any surprise, rlm@2: it would have been on my part if they actually had been surprised. rlm@2: Touya-san is always so observant and looks out for his sister. He rlm@2: never liked Syaoran much for some reason. I always thought it might be rlm@2: that on some level he wanted to keep Sakura close to him. Sometimes I rlm@2: wish I had such a protective brother. However, he seemed rather rlm@2: pleased after admitting to our relationship. rlm@2: Sakura's father, Fujitaka, didn't seem overly surprised either. rlm@2: He just smiled and said he is happy for us and that we will surely rlm@2: take good care of each other. I suppose since he experienced the rlm@2: affection between his wife and my mother, it must have been rather rlm@2: hard even for me to hide my feelings - not that I tried very hard. rlm@2: Both he and Sakura's brother seemed just a little surprised at the rlm@2: suddenness though. Especially since it had been apparent lately that rlm@2: Sakura would choose Li-kun... Neither of them asked about this though rlm@2: or about Sakura's weird mood (she is a lot quieter these days). rlm@2: Anyway, that leaves my mother. Well, Sakura is almost scared of rlm@2: her now, I think. About the way she's going on about how happy she is rlm@2: that we are in love and that we make such an adorable couple. Of rlm@2: course, her older mind must have figured out what happened between her rlm@2: and Nadeshiko by now but I must admit even I find my mother a little rlm@2: intimidating at times when she speaks about her late love (especially rlm@2: in association with Sakura's father)... and Okaasan is practically as rlm@2: fond of Sakura as she is/was of her own mother. rlm@2: Our families aren't the only ones that know though. Sakura's rlm@2: public confession at choir was clear enough. Even if not everyone rlm@2: heard what was said, within the days talk around school had managed to rlm@2: make it pretty much clear to anyone. Rika, Chiharu and Naoko seemed a rlm@2: little surprised but otherwise were more or less alright with it. I rlm@2: think they are more baffled that Sakura's scores have become as high rlm@2: as mine and Rika's... rlm@2: Apart from that everything is fine. We cannot complain, despite rlm@2: all those little things. I am sure, given time, Sakura will get over rlm@2: her experiences and settle into her new life. It still warms my heart rlm@2: to think that she felt obligated enough to choose me for that purpose rlm@2: and not Syaoran. I don't doubt her one minute when she says she really rlm@2: loves me. It's obvious in every action lately, there is no way someone rlm@2: can play that. Besides, Sakura has always been a very honest person, I rlm@2: am sure she wouldn't lie to me - or anyone - about such an important rlm@2: matter. No, Sakura and I are happy and I intend to keep it that way, rlm@2: forever if Sakura wants me to. rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: May 20, 1994 rlm@2: rlm@2: We had our first real date today and it was a glorious event! We rlm@2: hadn't had found time to actually do something like this until now. rlm@2: Okay, if you read this you might say that we are just eleven... Normal rlm@2: kids don't have dates at this age. True, I suppose. The thing is I am rlm@2: quite aware of some of the other kids at school saying how mature I rlm@2: often act and I won't argue with them there if they'd ever directly rlm@2: ask me. That has nothing to do with arrogance. It is more a rlm@2: good-natured confidence in my abilities. I have always had an rlm@2: excellent learning ability. Okaasan says that sometimes she thinks I rlm@2: have some sort of eidetic memory. I wouldn't go so far since then I rlm@2: doubt I would have to study at all for some subjects. No, I have rlm@2: always liked learning new things and ever since meeting Sakura I rlm@2: wanted to learn even more to help this magnificent creature through rlm@2: life. I realized quickly back then that for all her enigmatic rlm@2: abilities she was often a tad bit... naïve (I really don't like that rlm@2: word) and would need guidance in some areas and in others would need rlm@2: to be sheltered. Like a beautiful but fragile flower that will die rlm@2: quickly if not constantly kept in the right environment. rlm@2: To shorten all that. I guess I have always been a little rlm@2: precocious. rlm@2: As for Sakura. Well, she isn't the innocent girl anymore anyone rlm@2: knew. The other children have more or less gotten used to it but they rlm@2: seem a little... "weird out" to quote Sakura herself. That was to be rlm@2: expected too, though. No, given that in her mind Sakura was already rlm@2: seven years older than me, I believe you can grant her the right to go rlm@2: out on dates, right? I think she's having a harder time with some rlm@2: things about being little again than she lets on. I mean, I can hardly rlm@2: begin to comprehend what it has to feel like, suddenly being younger rlm@2: again, with a full recollection of being almost an adult. Must be rlm@2: really weird. I am helping her as much as I can and am amazed again rlm@2: and again every day at Sakura's ability to let her self be loved but rlm@2: also at giving back this love. I have never felt so... important rlm@2: before in my life. Why it is true that I am probably one of the rlm@2: smartest girls in my age class - Sakura not withstanding (but she has rlm@2: seven years in advance of me, technically) -, I can hardly say that I rlm@2: had much friends or other such social contact outside of occasional rlm@2: choir practice before coming to Tomoeda and meeting Sakura. rlm@2: Meeting Sakura has been a blessing and that is why I will be rlm@2: eternally grateful and why I would never dream of rejecting her just rlm@2: because she's... different now. My love is hers forever and always. rlm@2: After all Rika-san is seeing someone older too (I have a suspicion rlm@2: Sakura knows from the looks she gives her sometimes but she won't rlm@2: tell), so why should it be different for me? Sakura is still Sakura. rlm@2: Seven years of life experience and maturity have not really destroyed rlm@2: what I love about her. Certainly not. There is a lot of sadness and rlm@2: pain but it is dulling, I can tell, and that is bound to have some rlm@2: effects on her personality. Like she's quieter, calmer, more serious. rlm@2: However, I have witnessed enough moments already that show that Sakura rlm@2: is still able to let go and simply enjoy the moment. rlm@2: No, I won't... I can't love her any less. This is all a part of rlm@2: Sakura now. Besides, the new level of maturity doesn't only have rlm@2: negative effects. At times I actually find myself liking the older rlm@2: Sakura a little more since we are now able to communicate on a higher rlm@2: level. Not that she's suddenly become a genius but she certainly does rlm@2: know a lot more about life in general as the Sakura before the fateful rlm@2: day at choir practice. I will forever cherish her innocent self, yet I rlm@2: know it is not completely lost. In time I am sure she will be a lot rlm@2: like the old Sakura again. I'll take her any way she wants to be, that rlm@2: is for sure. rlm@2: But I've been getting away from the point. I actually wanted to rlm@2: talk about the date! You see how much she is affecting me already, rlm@2: normally I would not digress from the point that much. Not that I am rlm@2: complaining, mind you. rlm@2: Anyway, it was very beautiful. We had found ourselves a nice, rlm@2: sheltered spot at our all time favorite King Penguin park. It had been rlm@2: a warm, sunny day, perfect for a picnic for two (Sakura had to rlm@2: literally threaten Kero not sneak in and disturb us). I think I must rlm@2: have giggled like a little child with joy when Sakura proceeded to use rlm@2: Flower and create a bed of Sakura blossoms for us. It was so rlm@2: beautiful, so absolutely perfect! rlm@2: We sat there for hours, talking or simply enjoying each others rlm@2: company. Sakura seemed to have made it her special duty to make this rlm@2: the perfect day for me. I am a little disappointed for not getting rlm@2: much to do in return but seeing how happy Sakura was just relaxing, rlm@2: being with me, it makes my heart flutter even now. For the first time rlm@2: since her time travel I think I finally saw her completely at peace. rlm@2: This is a very precious memory to me. rlm@2: And then, as evening drew closer, Sakura somehow managed to find rlm@2: the perfect ending. I still can't believe she did that! It was all so rlm@2: amazing. I hadn't suspected anything when Sakura told me I had to hold rlm@2: tight onto her so that she could show me a special gift. Needing no rlm@2: reason to not comply with such a thrilling request, I was caught a rlm@2: little off guard than Sakura called for Fly. I had never thought she rlm@2: could carry me! (at least not that long) It was a little bit of a rlm@2: strain for her, I could tell, but she managed. And if the sheer rlm@2: excitement of being carried through the late evening sky hadn't been rlm@2: enough, just guess where she set us down! rlm@2: At the top of Tokyo Tower! rlm@2: We sat there for almost an hour, watching the sunset. It was a rlm@2: moment straight out of a picture... or maybe more like a famous rlm@2: painting. Oh yes, it was a little cold up there but I hardly minded. rlm@2: Not to mention that Sakura seemed to have the presence of mind to keep rlm@2: up a little fire magic all the time (she really has gotten A LOT rlm@2: better). rlm@2: Once again I am not sure I can describe what exactly went rlm@2: through me when, close to the end, Sakura whispered to me an rlm@2: "Aishiteru" in a voice thick with emotion and followed that up with a rlm@2: short but sensual kiss. There is too much that is still waging inside rlm@2: of me like a hurricane and it is all too jumbled to put into words, rlm@2: nor would words do any of it justice. However, I can tell you for sure rlm@2: that if Sakura hadn't held me tightly the whole time, I am sure I rlm@2: would have fallen off the support beam we had settled on. rlm@2: I am still so... thrilled! I have been trying to get to sleep rlm@2: for almost an hour now to no avail, so I decided to sit down and write rlm@2: all this down now rather than tomorrow. However, I am still much too rlm@2: excited. I wonder if I get any sleep tonight at all! Sakura is really rlm@2: an unique experience and it gets even more special than you are the rlm@2: single-most focus of her attention! rlm@2: Dear Diary, I really AM the happiest girl in the world! rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: April 5, 1997 rlm@2: rlm@2: It's been a long time since I wrote in here. Almost three years. rlm@2: Oops. rlm@2: I guess life has simply been too good for me to write down rlm@2: anything. I have my tapes after all and all those wonderful memories rlm@2: of three wonderful years with Sakura so far which are far more worth rlm@2: than any recorded pictures could ever be. I can hardly believe it's rlm@2: been that long. We are both in our second year of Junior High now. I rlm@2: could tell you so many things now but I think I'd be sitting here all rlm@2: night. Well, it's Friday but still... rlm@2: Oh, who am I kidding? There is a reason after all I actually rlm@2: remembered having that diary, I thought writing in here again would rlm@2: actually help me calm my mind and get things into the right rlm@2: perspective. You see, Sakura and I have reached a phase of our rlm@2: relationship that probably has to come for any couple one time or rlm@2: another. We had our first big fight just five days ago. God, I feel so rlm@2: horrible. It was so dumb and unnecessary and... I just... don't know rlm@2: what's gotten into me. rlm@2: Maybe I should start from the beginning. I'm not sure where the rlm@2: tension really began to build up but I believe it might have been rlm@2: since we entered Junior High. There were just slight nuisances, rlm@2: beginnings of something that seemed to bother Sakura greatly. Tomoeda rlm@2: Junior High is a little different than the Elementary School... or it rlm@2: is VERY different may be a better way to describe it. The teachers are rlm@2: very strict as is the headmaster, the school prides itself with its rlm@2: good image and tradition. That posed to be a problem for us. Back in rlm@2: Elementary School everyone more or less took us for granted. We were rlm@2: THE couple, really. Everyone found it cute and romantic that we were rlm@2: together... well, mostly everyone. Now, now we have to be extremely rlm@2: careful around whom we can trust to show feelings for the other that rlm@2: are more than friendship. Within the first weeks at Tomoeda Junior rlm@2: High we learned the hard way that Japanese society might tolerate a rlm@2: cute crush between two young girls but if they turn out to be two rlm@2: maturing young teenagers who openly show their love for each other, rlm@2: then the alarm bells are ringing in some people's heads. It is a good rlm@2: thing our families stand behind us and support our relationship rlm@2: despite some of the harsh treatment we had to endure at the beginning. rlm@2: I swear Okaasan was ready to sue the school, Touya-oniisan right rlm@2: behind her. rlm@2: Things settled down eventually and the initial uproar has blown rlm@2: over. Most people know about us but choose to ignore it. There are rlm@2: some rare people who actually try to support us - if not officially rlm@2: than at least in small actions (for example: giving leeway in the way rlm@2: of discipline or maybe giving a higher grade when one of us was rlm@2: in-between). So, not all people there are traditional man in business rlm@2: suits who'd rather improve their self-image than care for their rlm@2: students, but a lot of them are. And not only once had we played with rlm@2: the tempting thought of transfer. There were enough - more modern and rlm@2: open-minded - schools in the area and both of us were smart enough; rlm@2: money wasn't an issue either. rlm@2: I think it's a bit of defiance probably. Not too mention all of rlm@2: our friends are there, even Rika who really could have gotten into a rlm@2: better school. But I can understand her well enough after finally rlm@2: figuring out that she is seeing Terada-sensei (who had - not so rlm@2: surprisingly - also transferred to Junior High, leaving me wondering rlm@2: if Rika followed him or he followed her!). That was a bit of a shock rlm@2: at first but at the moment I guess we are sitting in the same boat, rlm@2: sort of, and neither of us is keen on budging. Society can be cruel rlm@2: sometimes, especially the traditional-bound Japanese one. While rlm@2: Western influences had lessened that, there still were a lot of old rlm@2: families with a lot of influence. rlm@2: But enough about that. It has little do with the current dilemma rlm@2: since most of the drama had been in the beginning. I just mentioned it rlm@2: because some of it might have affected Sakura more than I initially rlm@2: thought. Why I still can't fathom but... Well, I hoped it would make rlm@2: more sense writing it down, however, it seems I am back to where I rlm@2: started from. rlm@2: The confrontation had been coming a long way, I guess, and yet I rlm@2: felt so terrible about it. I had noticed that Sakura is spending more rlm@2: and more time by herself, only with Kerberos (and I think Yue too but rlm@2: I can't be sure). I tried to talk to her about it but she's always rlm@2: saying the same thing. "I'm fine, Tomo-chan, don't worry about me." rlm@2: Somehow this feels a little like déjà vu. I used to say things like rlm@2: that often when we were just innocent children. It irked me a little rlm@2: but nevertheless I respected Sakura's privacy. She is after all a lot rlm@2: older than me (in her mind at least) and sometimes she just gets rlm@2: frustrated with being young again. You would think it'd be a blessing rlm@2: for anyone, yet living it is probably a lot different, I guess. She rlm@2: won't tell me much about it... or everything concerning the time rlm@2: travel that brought her ultimately into my arms. Which brings us back rlm@2: to the root of the problem. rlm@2: At first I could ignore all of this, believing it must be too rlm@2: painful to remember or to talk about and Sakura doesn't want to worry rlm@2: me. Then, about half a year ago, a little after my fourteenth rlm@2: birthday, she started to spend all those hours alone in her room at rlm@2: her house (where she barely ever is anymore, at least not alone). I am rlm@2: pretty sure it has something to do with the cards and in this regard rlm@2: probably with Time. I remember that Kero lectured Sakura again and rlm@2: again about consequences for capturing and using Time but my rlm@2: girlfriend never seemed to be overly concerned. And, as I said rlm@2: already, she won't tell me any details whenever I ask. rlm@2: Everything came to a climax at the beginning of the week. It was rlm@2: April 1, start of the new grade and Sakura's birthday. I had spent rlm@2: practically the whole weekend preparing a special treatment just for rlm@2: my special girlfriend. I had hoped that would help relax her a little rlm@2: and maybe she'd open up to me. Not that I would have pressed. rlm@2: I had everything set, Okaasan was on a business trip and I had rlm@2: sent most of the serving stuff home. I told Sakura to come over after rlm@2: her club practice (she's still doing cheerleading but most of it rlm@2: half-heartedly, she actually has joined the Choir club so that we rlm@2: could spent even more time together). And so I sat there, alone in the rlm@2: big house and waited for Sakura. rlm@2: Sakura didn't come. rlm@2: At first I became worried that something might have happened so rlm@2: I called her on our private phones, only to discover that Sakura had rlm@2: turned off hers, something I discovered she was almost always doing rlm@2: when working with the cards. I considered going over and looking for rlm@2: myself but something in me was rebelling and refused to just chase rlm@2: after my errand girlfriend. A feeling rather new and unusual for me. I rlm@2: usually tended to defend Sakura's actions even if I should by all rlm@2: standards be angry with some. For me Sakura's happiness had always rlm@2: been valued higher than anyone else's - including my own. Ironically rlm@2: enough, thinking about it now, the anger might be a result of Sakura's rlm@2: own doing. The brunette was so adamant about our relationship that she rlm@2: had practically made me speak my mind more often, whenever something rlm@2: is bothering me or I just need to talk to her, she made it very clear, rlm@2: that she will always be there for me, insisting for me to confide in rlm@2: her always. rlm@2: I was still worried but I knew that if something happened to rlm@2: Sakura I would know it. I had known in my heart if she was in danger. rlm@2: Besides, she'd never turn off that phone other than for her magical rlm@2: studies that she was so secretive about. So I waited, and Sakura rlm@2: didn't come. rlm@2: Next morning I confronted her before school. Turns out she rlm@2: "forgot"! She forgot about her own private birthday party with her rlm@2: girlfriend?! I might have bought that from the innocent ten-year old rlm@2: before the whole time travel incident but not from her, not now. And rlm@2: then she had the audacity to brush me off with a feeble apology that rlm@2: she "is not feeling well". rlm@2: To quote Sakura: Hoe? rlm@2: Sakura doesn't just simply feel "not well". My girlfriend is the rlm@2: healthiest girl I know, really. She's so full of energy that she's rlm@2: almost bursting most of the time. While it has been much more reserved rlm@2: since her change it is still there. It's something so typical Sakura rlm@2: that you can't miss it after having seen it once. rlm@2: And what shocked me more and is still puzzling me is that look rlm@2: she gave me. Sakura almost seemed scared, not off me, but maybe rlm@2: something having to do with me. And that scared me in return. Having rlm@2: Sakura look so... lost... and as if the devil was chasing her (I rlm@2: really can't describe it any better) was disconcerting to say the rlm@2: least. rlm@2: All throughout the day and the next morning almost no word had rlm@2: been spoken between us. I think that was the longest ever since we've rlm@2: been together and not separated by vacation or other things. And I rlm@2: swear the whole school seemed to have picked up on it. Even some of rlm@2: the teachers who usually loved to focus their attention on us made a rlm@2: point not to. rlm@2: Tuesday afternoon I finally had enough. I was confused about all rlm@2: of this but I was also feeling uncharacteristically angry. I wanted to rlm@2: know what was going on. I didn't see what I could have done wrong and rlm@2: Sakura would neither speak up on her own or come over as she usually rlm@2: did. And that devastating silence was straining my nerves. So then, rlm@2: finally, I went over to the Kinomoto house and practically marched rlm@2: into her room (the look on Touya's face would have been priceless if I rlm@2: hadn't been in such a foul mood). rlm@2: I had secretly hoped to find Sakura sitting on her desk, working rlm@2: with her cards or something like that. That way I would have at least rlm@2: had somewhere to start but that didn't stop or slow me down any. I rlm@2: think, analyzing it now, most of my feelings weren't so much anger as rlm@2: they were frustration, frustration fueled by worry and the uncertainty rlm@2: of what was going on with my girlfriend. She is the most important rlm@2: thing in my life and I think I deserve to know what is going on in her rlm@2: life. She told me pretty much the same after all. Doesn't she trust me rlm@2: with this? I was... still am a little hurt about that. Maybe it's rlm@2: unfair to feel like that but I really can't help it at the moment. rlm@2: When I told her all that, told her that I wanted to know what rlm@2: was going on, why she was shutting me out from her magical studies and rlm@2: why she never told me about the future. I wanted to know, even if it rlm@2: might not be pleasant. I am sure she was trying to protect me in some rlm@2: way and I am grateful for that, but I am also still her girlfriend and rlm@2: couldn't just stand by letting Sakura worry herself all on her own. rlm@2: I am still mulling over her response. Sakura actually apologized rlm@2: for being so absent lately and that she was doing very important rlm@2: things that had to be taken care off. And that there were some things rlm@2: she couldn't tell me yet... I swear I could hear the "I tell you if rlm@2: you are older" behind the words (again déjà vu) and that really leaves rlm@2: me puzzled. Sakura rarely makes comments likes that or treats anyone rlm@2: as if she is really those seven years older. And it's not just an act rlm@2: but rather genuine from what I can tell. rlm@2: Before I could come up with any sort of response she had gently rlm@2: but persistently made me leave, saying she had some things to do, rlm@2: alone, and that right now she couldn't be distracted. And THAT really rlm@2: hurt. It felt like Sakura was purposefully trying to put distance rlm@2: between us. As if she was afraid that something might happen if we rlm@2: were too close right now. rlm@2: I have the very distinct feeling that I am missing something rlm@2: obvious here but I just can't put my finger on it. rlm@2: This had been about three days ago and apart from sporadic talk rlm@2: in school, there had been a deep wedge between us and I simply felt rlm@2: terrible about it. Logically seen there was no reason for me to feel rlm@2: at fault but this state was becoming unbearable. Being so close to my rlm@2: one and true love and yet so far away... I feel like I am going to rlm@2: explode any moment now! rlm@2: No, I didn't really feel at fault. However, I felt extremely rlm@2: worried and a little ashamed at my reaction. After all everyone had rlm@2: their secrets, so why should Sakura be an exception. How could I know rlm@2: that with my intense reaction I might have even made it worse than it rlm@2: actually was? Also she had sacrificed so much by traveling back in rlm@2: time, she gave up Syaoran to be with me. I should by all means be rlm@2: thankful. rlm@2: Yet, the fact remained that I was worried. For Sakura and for rlm@2: us. I feel very lucky to have such a fierce protector, nevertheless rlm@2: this had reached a point where I felt utterly excluded from things. rlm@2: Doesn't she understand that seeing her worried and in pain, pains me rlm@2: equally? How can she expect by shutting me out not to make me worry? I rlm@2: have to know what is going on and I will... rlm@2: Yes, my decision is made. Tomorrow I will go over and find out rlm@2: what all this is about. I might not like it but that should be for me rlm@2: to decide. I wanted my girlfriend back, all the pros and cons about rlm@2: her, nothing less. I will apologize for being so angry but I will also rlm@2: make sure that she knows that I am worried about her and that all I rlm@2: want to do is help her. We have always been together through so many rlm@2: things. The school problems at the beginning of last year hadn't rlm@2: managed to drive a wedge between us, so I won't let this thing rlm@2: (whatever it is) either. Sakura has to realize that and I will make rlm@2: her realize it! rlm@2: Reading back over that last paragraph, I think I sound rather rlm@2: scary... Hah, I feel a lot better now. Tomorrow I will make sure to rlm@2: fix whatever is burdening our relationship or at least to share that rlm@2: burden with Sakura. Thanks, Diary, sometimes it's nice to have rlm@2: somewhere to write all this down and analyze your thoughts. That rlm@2: really helped me today. rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: April 7, 1997 rlm@2: rlm@2: Some time ago, someone - I am not sure who - said to me that too rlm@2: much wisdom, too much knowledge poisons the mind. It sounded like the rlm@2: words of a wise man then and even more so now. I wonder if I would rlm@2: have been better off listening to them... rlm@2: Okay, that sounds very gloomy. There is enough motivation for rlm@2: that though. Thinking my dearest Sakura had to go through all... rlm@2: this... terrible... things. I had wanted to know. Now I knew and I rlm@2: feel a certain numbness and a deep sadness coming from that knowledge. rlm@2: But I am not making much sense to you, do I? So I better start rlm@2: from the beginning. rlm@2: My decision made I had wanted to go over early to Sakura and rlm@2: make her tell me about all that bothered her lately. That is where I rlm@2: got my first surprise, finding the demure and rather meek-looking rlm@2: brunette at my doorstep, appearing for all it was worth like a rlm@2: chastened child. I immediately felt sick in my heart, knowing that I rlm@2: was probably one of the main reasons for her state. After writing my rlm@2: thoughts down, I had lain awake for some time, regret beginning to rlm@2: plague me. Regret for some of the harsh words traded and the rlm@2: accusation I had so blindly uttered. I knew that something was rlm@2: troubling Sakura and that she just wanted to shield me from it. rlm@2: Certainly I hadn't done her a favor with my explosion of temper, as rlm@2: rare as it was. rlm@2: Therefore I was quick to assure her that I wasn't at all angry rlm@2: with her anymore when she practically begged for forgiveness. I felt rlm@2: so terrible that moment, seeing her so lost and obviously torn inside. rlm@2: How could I have ever even thought that she doesn't trust me? The rlm@2: appearance she gave yesterday morning spoke more than the revelation rlm@2: of any secret how devoted she is to me, how much she depends on my rlm@2: presence and love. rlm@2: After we had calmed down a little, Sakura asked me if I still rlm@2: wanted to know. She revealed that it might not make a difference rlm@2: anymore soon and she probably couldn't shield me from what was to rlm@2: come. As gentle as possible I made her see that I wanted to know rlm@2: EVERYTHING that was going on in her life. We were a couple, and rlm@2: couples share such things, they share everything. We were so close rlm@2: already and despite feeling like dirt at the moment, I hated to not rlm@2: being able to care for my Sakura properly, not knowing what it was rlm@2: that bothered her. rlm@2: Sakura just smiled at me a little sadly but with more fondness rlm@2: and love I had seen her do in a long while. And then she told me. rlm@2: Kami, yes, she told me... everything! I sat there just listening, numb rlm@2: with shock over some of the things that were revealed to me that very rlm@2: moment. rlm@2: I am not sure I should write all this down, I am not sure I even rlm@2: can. However, I feel that if someone ever reads this, they deserve to rlm@2: know about what that innocent, gentle creature had to go through, what rlm@2: kind of future she left behind by risking so much to come here and set rlm@2: things right. Set things right mostly for me. I don't think I really rlm@2: deserve that, I feel insignificant compared to Sakura's big heart. She rlm@2: had made clear to me that what she did wasn't done primarily in order rlm@2: to save the world from the terrible future she had witnessed but in rlm@2: the first place it was because of me. Her wish while confronting Time rlm@2: wasn't about setting things right for the world, that had only been in rlm@2: the back of her mind. Her sole motivation was for me and the love she rlm@2: felt she owed me. It's all so amazing and hard to believe, how can I rlm@2: even hope to compare to that with my meager devotion? rlm@2: Still, I wanted to tell you of what happened in that future rlm@2: Sakura left and might as well do so. Everything started out as rlm@2: normally as you may expect. Sakura and Syaoran were happy. All three rlm@2: of us had stuck together all the way up to and through High School. It rlm@2: was after graduation that IT happened. No one on Earth at that time rlm@2: truly knew what exactly caused it, where the malevolent creature came rlm@2: from. However, when She began to emerge and reign terror on the cities rlm@2: of the planet it was like the very definition of hell, many brave rlm@2: warriors and magicians fell to Her infinite seeming power. In the rlm@2: matter of a few month the world became a place darker than night, rlm@2: filled with death and despair. rlm@2: In Greek mythology there is a tale about a box that the first rlm@2: woman on Earth opened because she was curious. This box harbored all rlm@2: of the humanity's darker emotion. Fear, jealousy, hate, greed, bigotry rlm@2: (you can continue that list endlessly). The woman was named Pandora rlm@2: and the box had become known as Pandora's Box. I am not sure whether rlm@2: it is a coincidence, a connection or just the perverted humor of fate rlm@2: but the creature that had wrecked havoc in Sakura's future had been rlm@2: aptly named Pandora as well. rlm@2: The little Sakura described about her still sent shivers down my rlm@2: spine, thinking about the emotions alone I saw in her normally vivid rlm@2: and cheerful eyes and heard in her soft, whispered tones. Fear. There rlm@2: was fear. Not anger or loathing or rage at the unbelievable things rlm@2: that evil creature had done to her and Earth. Those emotions were rlm@2: there too, but they were insignificant compared to the fear and the rlm@2: terror emitting from Sakura speaking of her experience. Eriol said rlm@2: that Sakura was the strongest mage on Earth now and to just think rlm@2: about something or someone evoking such strong reactions from my rlm@2: beloved is... unsettling doesn't even begin to describe it. rlm@2: Pandora had turned Earth into a world of terror and fear and rlm@2: there was no one able to stop her path of destruction. Sakura rlm@2: described her as something very old, totally incapable of having rlm@2: positive emotion. Her whole being was a reflection, the epitome of any rlm@2: dark emotion you could come up with. Her whole purpose was to turn rlm@2: everything into oblivion in the most painful, torturous way possible. rlm@2: Her powers were so massive that compared to her Sakura's own seemed rlm@2: like comparing an ant with an elephant. rlm@2: And the worst part is, Sakura steadfastly believes that the same rlm@2: thing might happen again very soon if she doesn't do something about rlm@2: it in advance. rlm@2: That is what she has been doing the last months, using the cards rlm@2: to predict the future and possible chances to prevent the fate that rlm@2: had befallen her own time from happening here. I cried for Sakura's rlm@2: grief at her description at how Pandora had come for her as well and rlm@2: how she had to watch first Syaoran's death and then my own. She rlm@2: visibly relieved that moment and it was a torturing experience. I rlm@2: realized then that it must have been that moment that Sakura finally rlm@2: realized my feelings and that still makes me choke back an angry sob. rlm@2: That is not how I would have wanted Sakura to find out. I know she was rlm@2: caring so much for all those close to her and that she could never rlm@2: live with my death. That is why I had sworn to myself that even if rlm@2: Sakura ended up with Syaoran and we drifted apart, I wouldn't do rlm@2: anything rash and stupid. I know I would just make Sakura sad and hate rlm@2: herself and that is a thought I cannot stand. rlm@2: I had to hold and reassure her for almost half an hour before rlm@2: she managed to calm down. I smoothed the embarrassment Sakura felt at rlm@2: having broken down like that immediately, making sure that she knows I rlm@2: would and will never do anything like this on purpose. Not that I have rlm@2: a reason now but it was very important at that moment to soothe those rlm@2: fears. rlm@2: I wasn't quite sure what to do or say to soothe her fears about rlm@2: Pandora though. Sakura hadn't even done more when describing rlm@2: superficially what happened and I can tell where is a lot still left rlm@2: untold (which right now really isn't much of a bad thing). Just from rlm@2: watching how terrified the usually brave and determined girl was of rlm@2: that evil creature put me at a loss for words. What could little, rlm@2: unimportant me do after all? All I managed was that weak reminder of rlm@2: her magic phrase again. Everything would surely be alright. Yeah sure, rlm@2: I am quite sure I had said the same thing in her future and I know now rlm@2: that it hadn't helped a tiny bit. rlm@2: Thinking along these lines I was rather surprised to find Sakura rlm@2: looking at me with a serious expression, a flicker of that rlm@2: breathtaking determination in her eyes. Then she said the absolutely rlm@2: sweetest thing. That this phrase held little meaning without me there. rlm@2: I breathed life into the phrase, gave it a purpose, a direction. That rlm@2: as long as I was there that everything WILL always be alright. And rlm@2: that because of me and us being together, my love fueling her, pushing rlm@2: me onward, she might be able to change the future and make it better rlm@2: for us. That is why she had pushed herself so hardly lately, to rlm@2: prevent all this from happening. For me. rlm@2: ME. rlm@2: Wow. rlm@2: My expression must have been priceless that moment. But Sakura rlm@2: didn't express her obviously humor, just a fond, loving smile, rlm@2: followed by a kiss so sensual and utterly devouring I felt like I was rlm@2: being sucked right into her. My body is still shaking from the rlm@2: feelings coursing through me. I could feel all the pent up rlm@2: frustrations of the last months but also all the love she felt for me. rlm@2: I realized then that until that moment that as much as I thought I rlm@2: knew how lucky I was, how much Sakura loved me and was willing to give rlm@2: for me, I never had completely understood. rlm@2: I am not sure if we can weather that storm. I really am not as rlm@2: much as I wish to fuel myself but... I will have faith in Sakura and rlm@2: if she wishes me to be by her side, supporting her as much as I can, rlm@2: then I will. I will believe in my angel, my savior. If anyone can do rlm@2: it, she can. rlm@2: rlm@2: THE END (for now) rlm@2: rlm@2: Author's Notes rlm@2: rlm@2: Okay, this might seem a little cut off and doesn't explain everything, rlm@2: probably only serves to open up more questions. But that was wholly rlm@2: intended that way. I think I revealed already more than I wanted at rlm@2: that point anyway. rlm@2: This is going to be part of a bigger project, a background story so to rlm@2: say but you can read it as a stand alone as well (I hope). There will rlm@2: be one more installment (probably featuring two parts) that will tie rlm@2: things up for the background story and Sakura and Tomoyo's rlm@2: involvement. Seeing that Maia seems to have a good inspiration streak rlm@2: right now, you may see it sooner than you think. rlm@2: Don't worry Sailormoon fans as I said this will tie into a bigger rlm@2: project and you will soon get to see something of it (always assuming rlm@2: Maia complies). rlm@2: rlm@2: Some things to clear up. rlm@2: First off, I changed a tiny amount of things in "The Different Path". rlm@2: No real revision but more little details that are necessary. I am a rlm@2: perfectionist than writing, especially concerning facts like a working rlm@2: timeline that makes sense. I realized that the birth year given for rlm@2: Tomoyo on her tombstone has actually to be one year earlier or she'll rlm@2: end up younger than Sakura. Why this might be possible, it doesn't rlm@2: work out for the timeline of the greater project. That's really a