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1
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2 AUTHOR'S NOTES: First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to read
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3 this. I'm so very glad you bothered! This is my second shoujo ai fic. That
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4 sounds terribly official, doesn't it? ^_^ I'm hoping to keep this under
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5 three chapters, considering how many *other* fics I have going. Please send
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6 feedback if you're so inclined!
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7
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8 This isn't as dark as 'Conjure Me', and hopefully there's a little humor in
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9 it as well. I can't resist the temptation to play with Tomoyo's head.
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10 *angelic*
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11
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12 I hope you enjoy!
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13 -Meredith
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14
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15 Disclaimer: This fic features two women in love. L-O-V-E. ^_~ If you have a
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16 problem with this, please evolve, or at least get out of this fic. Any and
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17 all flames will be summarily laughed at and used to line the gerbil cage.
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18 Remember, bigotry is not a family value. If you're not allergic to the
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19 aforementioned topic (even the gerbil ^_~), then welcome!
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20
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21 Rating is PG-13. Light kissing, ect.
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22
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23
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24
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25 ============================
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26 It Takes One to Know One 1/?
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27 by Meredith Bronwen Mallory
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28 http://www.demando.net/
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29 mallorys-girl@cinci.rr.com
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30 ============================
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31
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32
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33 She had never held another girl before; and though she had known what to
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34 expect, the reality of blood fleeing Tomoyo's lithe form was so terrifying
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35 she nearly fell to her knees. Gently, she cradled the young school girl
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36 close to where her heart beat frantically, moving her arm to support
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37 Tomoyo's knees. Now, stumbling backwards, and she pressed her back against
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38 the side of the foot bridge, which was chill with soul of winter. Tomoyo's
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39 eyes were wide and vivid against her pale skin, before they vanished behind
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40 twin fanned lashes and the heiress' body went completely limp.
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41 "Two hundred six and still a lady-killer," remarked a deep voice, filled
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42 with morbid humor. Snow flakes caught in fur the color of the sun, and
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43 melted as if the locks were what their shade suggested.
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44 "Kero!" the woman scolded, the flash in her emerald eyes visible even
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45 through the heavy fall of snow. The white masses moved like waves in the
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46 wind, lapping even so high as her thighs. She held Tomoyo high over the
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47 winter ocean, as one protects holy, precious things.
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48 "I'm sorry," the Seal Beast remarked, the rumble in his throat sincere.
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49 "It's just, there's so much blood. I never saw her body, so never really
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50 hit me that she was dead. Even after all this time."
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51
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52 Oh, but *she* had seen Tomoyo dead, and white and in the coffin and damn
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53 it they put her in the ground. Tomoyo's body, just a husk, an empty thing
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54 that was blasphemy because it dare to look like the beautiful girl without
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55 actually being her. There had been no blood, then-- the morticians cleaned
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56 it up-- only the garish, red lines on the corpse's wrists, and the silver
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57 bracelets placed there to hide them. Nothing could be done about her lips--
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58 pale blue from hypothermia, even through the pink lp gloss.
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59
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60 "She's not going to die," his mistress replied firmly, "I won't allow even
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61 Tomoyo to hurt herself."
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62 "Do you need help, Sakura-sama?" this from another voice, high and silvery
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63 like the the moon on an autumn afternoon. Yue's pale eyes were narrowed
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64 and focused, he held his wings aloft over his two companions, shielding
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65 them..
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66 "Iie, but thank you. We need to get her inside. Let's go," within the
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67 young woman's face, there was a brief flash, like a ghost's photograph, of
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68 a younger, more carefree Sakura. Then, the snow dove in drifts of suicidal
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69 faeries, and the bridge was empty as if no one had ever been.
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70
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71
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72 ############################
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73
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74
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75 To err is human.
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76
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77 To really screw up is even more human than that.
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78
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79 She looked about twenty six, this Sakura; her mouth hovered in a coral
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80 crescent forever between a smile and a frown, and if she let you look
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81 really close, you could see that there was something written and obscured
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82 by the jungle in her eyes. She was tall, this Sakura, and she carried
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83 herself like she knew where she was going, even when she didn't. Her years
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84 numbered two hundred and six; and so many of those years had been
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85 wandering, looking, wanting so badly for something that was gone.
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86
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87 Eden wasn't paradise until we lost it, after all.
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88
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89
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90 ############################
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91
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92
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93 Tomoyo had planned her suicide. Not the when, but the 'where' and the
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94 'how' and the 'fate-of-my-body', since the 'why' had been laid down years
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95 ago by a glorious Sakura-smile and the realization that she could never
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96 speak what was in her heart. The 'when' was the theta, the renegade
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97 variable that she teased and prodded herself with; 'when' didn't matter,
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98 because she was almost always ready to die. In the bottom drawer of her
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99 dresser, she kept the dress she planned to wear, the ribbons she'd use in
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100 her long tresses, and expensive, pearl-handled letter-opener that was going
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101 to do the trick. She was Cinderella, and the ball was waiting on her.
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102
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103 She stayed because she wanted to be by Sakura's side until someone else
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104 came to take her place. Then; just fade to black. Maybe she was a little
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105 scared, and maybe she thought herself a coward for wanting to take that way
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106 out, but certainty in death allowed her to live.
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107
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108 Yesterday, at nineteen, When had come to her with wide open arms,
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109 whispering that her mother was away and Sakura engaged and... and she had
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110 known it was time.
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111
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112
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113
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114
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115 She had been sleeping in such a way that, while under the spell of
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116 Morpheus, she could sense and hear and feel the world around her, but she
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117 was trapped in her ivory bones. Now the voices seemed to blur and then
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118 focus. Dark wings fluttered before her eyes until the abstract angles and
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119 colors of the world came into view. She couldn't even be bothered to wonder
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120 why she wasn't dead-- there was something inside her so sensitized to the
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121 other girl that she sensed her beloved's presence almost immediately.
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122 "Do you..." began a voice that sounded like wind chimes in a summer house
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123 filled with the scent of one's lover. Under Tomoyo's blue silver gaze, the
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124 older woman pressed her lips together, and her green eyes said things to
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125 Tomoyo that were just too good to be true. "You do realize this is the
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126 first chance I've had to talk to you in one hundred eighty seven years?
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127 Hoee..." she looked down at her feet, "What I am I supposed to say?"
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128 "Sakura," Tomoyo breathed; taking in the matured vision of her beautiful
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129 best friend. Her hair, done up in her habitual style, was a little longer
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130 and a little darker. Even in the plain cream sweater and black pants that
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131 graced the older woman's lithe form, Tomoyo could sense the barely
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132 contained power of the Cardmistress. "Sakura," she began again, some how
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133 understanding that this woman had been so changed by her experiences that
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134 she was not quite (and only not quite) her childhood friend, "-sama," she
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135 decided firmly. The situation may have been strange, but she accepted
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136 Sakura instantly.
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137 "You can call me Kinomoto-sensei, if it's easier," Sakura offered.
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138 "That makes me think of your father," Tomoyo protested weakly. For the
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139 first time, her eyes moved to the rest f her surroundings. Just her room at
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140 home, with the curtains drawn partially so she could still see the snow
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141 drifting down like lazy flower petals. The lights were on, bright and
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142 somehow tangible; the quilts gathered about her form and Sakura's tender
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143 gaze made her body momentarily forget the chill of being unrequited.
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144 "Kinomoto-kun," Tomoyo tried, blushing just a little, "I have always
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145 thought Sakura-chan would make a cute '-kun'. Li-kun should have addressed
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146 her as such, in the beginning, since they are both magical people."
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147 Kinomoto-kun seemed to darken at the mention of the Chinese boy, but she
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148 laughed, "I'd never thought of that."
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149 "Of course, That Brat doesn't have an once of respect in his body," pipped
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150 a familiar, high Osakan voice.
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151 "Kero-chan!" Tomoyo giggled, taken by surprise as the small, winged
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152 creature dove into her hair.
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153 "It's nice to see you again, Tomoyo-san," Kero said cheerfully. He hovered
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154 near her for a moment, before darting back to the table situated on the
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155 other side of the room. Tomoyo could see Yue had installed his rather
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156 elegant form on the couch, and she nodded in greeting. Her eyes, however,
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157 soon sought the blinding glory of Kinomoto-kun-- she was everything Tomoyo
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158 had known Sakura would grow up to be and more.
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159
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160
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161 "Do you think you can eat something?" Kinomoto-kun asked, taking a seat on
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162 the bed and offering Tomoyo a tray of hot soup and warm bread. "I really
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163 think you should but, if you're too weak, you might not keep it down."
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164 "I am a little hungry," the heiress accepted the tray, enchanted by all
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165 the new details and movements of the Cardmistress' future form. "Arigato,
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166 Kinomoto-kun!"
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167 "Tomoyo..." Kinomoto-kun's voice was tender as it moved over the world,
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168 like silk pressed against Tomoyo's skin.
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169 "Hai?" Tomoyo let the spoon rest against the side of the bowl, gazing on
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170 the sorceress with concern, "Is something wrong? I want to help
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171 Kinomoto-kun, if I can."
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172 "Damn it!" the Cardmistress said suddenly, taking Tomoyo's hands gently in
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173 her own and cradling them like baby birds, "You always do this. You do
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174 everything for me and nothing for yourself."
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175 "I want Sakura-chan to be happy," the heiress emphasized, as if that
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176 explained everything. She looked down at her hands, feeling out-of-sorts
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177 without a camera to see the world through.
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178 "Well, I'm not," Kinomoto-kun's tone was firm as she ran a dainty finger
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179 over the bandages on the younger girl's wrist. "I'm not happy, because the
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180 person I love left me."
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181 "Li-kun?" Tomoyo was scandalized. There was a sudden guilt inside her,
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182 swinging like a pendulum, because she had not chosen the correct person for
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183 her Sakura.
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184 Kinomoto-kun leaned in close, until their foreheads touched, "No, Tomoyo.
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185 Watashi wa Tomoyo ga daisuki desu. Aishiteru."
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186 "Watashi ka?" there was a fluttering of live flowers in Tomoyo's rib cage,
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187 as if everything she'd ever known had been drained from her body. "But
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188 Sakura-chan is going to marry Li-kun and live happily in Hong Kong."
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189 "Correction," Kinomoto-kun said dryly, " 'Sakura-chan'," she referenced
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190 her younger self with some malice, "was engaged to marry Li-kun, when her
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191 best friend Tomoyo cut her wrists and, for good measure, drowned herself in
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192 the middle of winter. Sakura-chan was-- and still is-- in love with
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193 Tomoyo," Kinomoto-kun's eyes were all emerald fire, and Tomoyo could not
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194 look away, "but, all her life Sakura-chan had thought that boys went with
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195 girls and so on. She was too stupid to understand how she felt, and too
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196 dense to see the truth even when her best friend put it right in front of
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197 her. So, when Tomoyo died, the world wasn't the same any more, and
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198 everything she touched was like in the fairy tale-- it seemed to turn to
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199 glass and cut her."
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200 "I wasn't trying to hurt you," Tomoyo linked her arms around the
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201 sorceress, but Kinomoto-kun could only see the time before. She rested her
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202 cheek against the heiress' soft lavender hair and stared without seeing
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203 into the snow night beyond the window.
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204 "So Sakura-chan broke off her engagement," she continued, "She went to
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205 college and pretended to be a person. She majored in archeology, since it
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206 made a good excuse, and studied magic in Tibet. She lived so long that
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207 every day was a nightmare, and she worked ten years to perfect a Card and a
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208 spell that would help her change her mistakes." Small tears gathered in the
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209 corners of the sorceress' eyes.
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210 "It hurts me to see you cry," Tomoyo said honestly, taking up a quilt to
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211 ease the sadness seeping from Kinomoto-kun's eyes. Kinomoto-kun's arms
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212 tighted around her suddenly, and Tomoyo was suffused with a feeling of
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213 wings folded at her back as the other woman rocked her gently.
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214 "You're real... It hurts me to think I never... I didn't...," Kinomoto-kun
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215 took a deep breath, "Why did you give so much to me, when I never gave
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216 anything back?"
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217 "Sakura-chan has always given to me!"
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218 "But not the way you wanted," it was a shrewd point; and for the first
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219 time, Tomoyo felt the dream-like quality vanish from the situation. No
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220 dream or vision would have shown her this.
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221 "No..." she admitted softly, "But I didn't have a right to want those
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222 things."
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223 "Of course you do!" for a moment, just a moment, Kinomoto-kun and
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224 Sakura-chan were the same. "Everyone has a right to love!" Gently, the
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225 sorceress brushed the twilight locks away from Tomoyo's face. Then, to
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226 break the growing intensity, "Your food is getting cold."
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227 "Hai, Kinomoto-kun," Tomoyo obediently took back to sipping her soup, glad
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228 when Kinomoto-kun didn't get up. Instead, the older woman watched her with
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229 careful attention, playing absently with the slighly curling ends of the
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230 younger girl's hair. "Are you sure you couldn't have been happy with
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231 Li-kun?"
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232 "You don't believe me, do you?" Kinomoto-kun shook her head roughly, "Did
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233 you know that I used to sit with him in the darkened movie theater and
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234 wonder if there was something wrong with me because all I wanted to do was
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235 go home and call you? That he practically had to bribe me to kiss him? When
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236 he first said he liked me, I was just excited that *someone* did, since I
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237 thought I had never felt anything. I always got 'hayaaan' when I was with
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238 you, but I was with you all the time, so I didn't notice."
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239 "Sakura...," the sound breezed past Tomoyo's lips, and she so wished she
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240 could see the same look in her friend's wide pools of green. Coming from
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241 this slightly different Sakura, it didn't seem real.
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242 "It doesn't matter if you still don't believe me," Kinomoto-kun smiled
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243 sadly, tracing lightly down the slope of Tomoyo's nose, "I'm going to
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244 change the past. I wonder how many times Clow did the same, trying to get
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245 things right?"
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246
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247
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248 "Three, if I remember correctly," Kero put in. He'd managed to pilfer a
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249 large cake from the Daidouji kitchen and, after lugging his prize upstairs,
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250 was taking a bath in it as Yue looked on with vague disapproval.
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251 "Kero-chan!" Kinomoto-kun scolded, "I put servants to sleep! What will
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252 happen when the cook wakes up and finds her cake gone?"
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253 "I'm not worried," an icing-coated Kero sang, making a flying nose-dive
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254 into the cake, "My wonderful Mistress will get me out of this mess, and I
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255 haven't had a Daidouji cake in almost two bloody centuries!"
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256 "Of course, your 'wonderful mistress' will save you," Kinomoto-kun rolled
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257 her eyes with good nature.
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258 "There's another cake in the back of the freezer, if you want it," Tomoyo
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259 offered, smiling at the sudden chorus of 'wai!!" that struck up from the
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260 other side of the room. Kero offered a paw-full of cake to the winged young
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261 man by his side.
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rlm@0
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262 "I hate food," Yue sniffed, "But thank you all the same, Tomoyo-san."
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263 "Isn't there some place you two can go? It's big house," Kinomoto-kun
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264 raised an eyebrow, only half-teasing.
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265 "Hey," Yue pointed out with trace of his own brand of humor, "Someone has
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266 to protect Tomoyo's virtue from certain amorous sorceress."
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267 "Yue, what a thing to say!" Kinomoto-kun turned pink, "HOOOOEEE!"
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268 Added Kero, from somewhere in the mound of cake, "And keep you from doing
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269 any permanent damage to your younger form."
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rlm@0
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270 "Chaperones," Kinomoto-kun sighed. The two women blushed and looked at
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271 their hands.
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272
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273
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274 Having finished her meal, the young heiress set the tray on her
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275 nightstand, studying Kinomoto-kun with wise, moon-shine eyes. "Change the
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276 past..." she murmured.
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rlm@0
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277 "I really didn't know if I could do it," Kinomoto-kun replied, in answer
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278 to the question Tomoyo hadn't asked. "But... after I found you on..," her
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279 profile turned down, locks of auburn hair obscuring her features, "maybe I
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280 shouldn't talk about this." Tomoyo's soft touch on her shoulder seemed to
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281 bring the words out; "I looked, to see if you'd been reborn. All my
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282 research in Hong Kong and Tibet suggested a great chance of failure in
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283 time-travel, so that was my other hope. When the cards found your new form,
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284 I was elated. You were thirteen, living on the colony on Europa. That's why
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285 it took me so long to find you."
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286 "Europa..." Tomoyo murmured, "It's an ocean moon, ne? Very cold?" Her body
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287 seemed to tense with the memory of the lake and her attempt to meet death.
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288 "Hai," Kinomoto-kun tipped her head back, staring at the ceiling, "You
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289 were in training to dive for the gin-pearls that grow under the icebergs.
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290 But all accounts, you were happy-- designed clothes for your classmates,
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291 sang, worked hard in school. I told myself I just wanted to see if you were
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292 really alright. I was being selfish..."
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293 Breathless, "What happened?"
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294 "I happened," Kinomoto-kun laughed bitterly. "I arranged a meeting with
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295 you easily enough-- I offered to sponsor the school you attended. And there
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296 you were-- your hair was short, but it was you and... I'm a really selfish
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297 person, Tomoyo." Gently, Tomoyo eased the older woman's grip on her hands,
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298 moving so that Kinomoto-kun could rest her head in the heiress' lap.
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rlm@0
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299 "You're not selfish," Tomoyo murmured, fascinated by the play of light in
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300 the gold-yellow-topaz-all-over-autumn of Kinomoto-kun's hair.
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301 "I am, because I was so happy to see you, and I promised to help you go to
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302 a good conservatory, cultivate your voice. I felt betrayed that you didn't
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303 recognize me, but I didn't let you see that. I just wanted to be near you
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304 again. Then, when business called me back to Earth-- That is, when I called
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305 to check on you, you'd done it again!"
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306 "Death," Tomoyo may or may not have murmured. And, with sudden
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307 understanding, "She loved you and thought she was... was wrong."
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308 "All because I was so stupid as to come back into your life again."
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309 Kinomoto-kun raised her head, eyes filled with the same desperate affection
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310 Tomoyo hid within herself. "I have to change that. all of this."
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311 "You have," Tomoyo pointed out.
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312 "Not enough. I can't just say, 'Don't give into the sadness, Tomoyo' and
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313 then expect you to wait around for me to figure things out. I thought I
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314 might just vanish after I rescued you, but obviously I haven't changed all
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315 that much."
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316 "I won't leave," it was a breathless promise, "I would never hurt
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317 Sakura-chan."
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318 "But, see, you'll only be doing it out of obligation-- you'll still be
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319 miserable."
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320 "I don't see how--"
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321
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322
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323 "Wait." Kinomoto-kun's lips turned up in an almost smile, "listen."
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rlm@0
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324 Downstairs, the clicking of the front-door latch echoed, and Tomoyo heard
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325 the faint callings of *her* Sakura. She started to trill out a happy
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326 reply, but the sorceress at her side raised a single finger, motioning for
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327 silence. Sakura's calls came closer and rose to a level of fear-- the sound
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328 of hurried footsteps vibrated down the hall and then.
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329 A happy, pixie-ish face, and a voice slightly out of breath, "Tomoyo-chan!
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330 I was worried..."
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rlm@0
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331 With smile of pity and a little self-loathing, Kinomoto-kun said;
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332
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rlm@0
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333 "Okari. I've been waiting for you, Sakura-san."
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334
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335
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rlm@0
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336 ======================
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337
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338 TO BE CONTINUED
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339
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340 There once was a lady named Mere,
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341 Who was madder than a March Hare,
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342 She did love to write,
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343 deep into the night,
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344 and feedback made her so happy she walked upon air!
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345
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346
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347
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348
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349
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350
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351
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352
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353
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