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1 Tearful Nights
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2 by rphjas
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3 rphjas@yahoo.com
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4
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5 --------------
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6
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7 With wet lavender eyes, I look upon sparkling stars. Do I pray to a
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8 higher power? Do I whisper my fears and dilemmas to the night? I love
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9 her, and she loves me. But, my love is more mature than I am and also
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10 much more than hers. If I had the courage, I would one day tell
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11 her..in Penguin Park. I would whisper the three simple words. But,
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12 would she understand? Would she see through all of my masks and
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13 disguises?
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14
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15 I sew every costume with stitches of pure love. I sing my songs to
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16 her with all of my heart. Does she feel the fabrics I weave..clinging
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17 to her slender form? Do her ears hear my songs of longing? I am
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18 afraid...afraid of rejection. Is it not better to be a friend than a
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19 stranger? Is it better to be in her world even a little than all
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20 alone? If I knew the future, I would know what to do. I would know
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21 the risk is worthwhile. But, I am still unsure. I have no confidence.
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22
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23 Would she think me perverted..loving her like I do? Would she run
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24 away in revulsion? Would she? Why is my heart so torn? I see her each
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25 day in school. She lets me film her every day. I spend all my free
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26 time with her or doing things for her. I watch her videos again and
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27 again until I memorize each phrase and line of her figure. Her face
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28 leads me into the sleepiness of dreams. I hug my pillows..as if they
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29 were her.
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30
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31 This starry night .. I wonder .. is she thinking about me? Is she
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32 dreaming of me? Do her cards quietly reveal my intentions..my
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33 feelings? I wonder if she will ever be..ever be able to love me. I
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34 would..I would give her my life..to save her own. But, how many times
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35 has she risked her own for my sake? The number is too high. Would it
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36 be better if I vanished..faded from her world? Each night, I am torn
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37 and wake up weary wrestling these questions. The uncertainty of the
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38 future is weighing me down. But, I manage to put on my cheerful mask
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39 each morning before I see her. She does not know. She can never know
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40 my nightly bouts..
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41
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42 One sleepover, she let me brush her hair..even hug her long and
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43 close. Surprisingly, she let me kiss her because she wondered why it
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44 was such a big fuss with the older students. Her energy pulsed
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45 through to my core. Her sweet taste lingered on my lips the entire
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46 night! Oh, I was so very happy. Even now, I can remember her soft
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47 full lips..the silk of her hair..the firm athletic body. Like some
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48 drug, I crave more. But so far, only that one night was so very
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49 special. I could not tape it. But, the memories are burned into me
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50 forever.
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51
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52 Will hope be my lifeline..in the stormy seas of life? Will it help
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53 me persevere until she someday loves me..? |
