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author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
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1 Stepping Stones to the Future
4 This is a fanfic about Tomoyo and
5 Sakura . It is a darker story than my previous
6 ones and it made me cry as I was writing it on
7 paper. I know that all of you are more
8 knowledgeable about CCS than I am, but I hope
9 you will like the story anyway. There are some
10 female to female interactions but no hentai ,
11 and as always please send your comments to me at
12 rphjas@lycos.com. This is the reason I have begun
13 writing again since 1975. I get to hear from you
14 and please, comments good or bad are always
15 welcome can't get better without them because
16 I still want to put my dreams into words for
17 you. Humbly yours Joe Saunders rphjas-san at
18 rphjas@lycos.com .
20 At the Daidouji Estate:
22 Tomoyo was satisfied with her preparations.
23 Everyone in the mansion was sound asleep and
24 her bedroom door was locked. She had laid out
25 several of her most precious treasures of Sakura
26 on her large four poster bed. She had
27 painstakingly placed the camcorder and tripod in
28 the right location. The light in the gigantic
29 room was at the perfect intensity. A soft
30 melancholic melody could be heard in the
31 background as Tomoyo worked in the room. Lying
32 on the bureau next to her sewing bag, the
33 manilla envelope waited to receive the soon to
34 be completed videotape.
36 Gazing into her mirror, Tomoyo made some adjustments to
37 her long lavender hair-tweaking a ribbon here or a bow there.
38 She judged her appearance before the mirror. She
39 looked like an expert doll maker's masterpiece.
40 Beautiful lavender hair fell on her shoulders and
41 behind her back. Luminous lavender eyes
42 sparkled in her seemingly porcelain-like face.
43 Her long dress was a beautiful egg-shell blue
44 covered with red lace, bows, and trim. Tomoyo
45 sadly smiled at her reflection, but she could
46 not cry because all of the tears had been shed
47 during previous nights.
49 “I must look my best for my Sakura-chan.” thought Tomoyo as she
50 steeled up her willpower. Picking up a small
51 rubber eraser from the bureau top, she clasped
52 both hands around it and brought them to her
53 chest as if she were praying.
55 “Now for you, my Sakura-chan.”whispered Tomoyo.
56 “My one last gift to you...“
59 At the Kinomoto home:
64 Sakura picked at her food even though she was
65 hungry. She had been uneasy throughout supper.
68 Touya's teasing bounced off her ears and went
69 unnoticed. Her loving father's questions about
70 her
72 day were lethargically answered. At the end
73 of supper, she lazily waved at her father and
74 elder
76 brother as they went to their respective
77 jobs. After finishing her chores, she listlessly
78 climbed the
80 stairs and walked into her room.
85 “Welcome home, Sakura.”said Kero while he was
86 playing one of his favorite video games.
91 “OhHi , Kero.”said Sakura as she went to
92 her desk to start her homework.
101 Kero flew up to the desk, licking his lips in
102 anticipation of the evening dessert.
106 “Hey,
107 Sakura where's my dessert?!”exclaimed Kero as
108 he angrily plopped down on her
110 desktop.
115 Sakura looked at Kero with a dazed expression
116 and said,“Sorry, Kero-chan. Let me go back
119 downstairs to the kitchen and bring you my share.”
123 With heartfelt concern, Kero said, “Don't
124 worry about it, Sakura. You don't seem like your
125 usual
127 self today. What's wrong?”He flexed his
128 tiny biceps and continued, “Is that Li kid making
131 trouble for you? If so, I'll change into my
132 true form and bat him around like a soccer ball!
135 Sakura shook her head and answered,“No,
136 Kero-chan - He's been treating me ok. It's just
137 that
139 my heart has been feeling like a tick's
140 been sucking the blood out of it until only a
141 withered husk
143 will remain. Oh Kero-chan, I can't
144 put it into words!”concluded Sakura with a
145 sigh.
149 Kero thought for a moment with his hand
150 balled under his chin. He asked, “When did this
151 feeling
153 start, Sakura?”
154 It started sometime
155 after school and continued as I skated along with
156 Tomoyo-chan. It has
158 gotten worse since I got
159 home and I can't figure out what it is!”
160 answered Sakura in a frustrated
162 voice.
167 Kero responded,“Calm down, Sakura. Banging
168 your head against a wall won't solve anything.
171 Kero mused,'Since all of the Cards have been
172 sealed and Eriol has left, I don't think it is
175 anything serious. Maybe you just left your
176 recorder at school!”
180 Sakura angrily swatted
181 at Kero who nimbly dodged her hand. “It's not
182 that simple, Kero!”yelled
184 Sakura. “I think
185 this is a premonition, but I just don't know what
186 it is about!”
190 Kero guiltily looked at Sakura. “I'm sorry for
191 trifling with you, Sakura. I wish
192 that I could help
194 you better with this problem.
195 Hey maybe a nice hot bath and a good night's
196 sleep will help you
198 clear everything up in the
199 morning!”
204 “You're probably right, Kero-chan.”said
205 Sakura. “And I am sorry I tried to hit you. I
206 know you
208 were only trying to cheer me up.
213 Kero puffed out his little chest and said ,
214 “Apologies accepted, Sakura. Trust the great and
217 powerful Guardian Beast! All will be well by
218 morning and I'll even forgive you for not
219 bringing
221 me any dessert!
225 Sakura weakly
226 laughed at Kero's posturing and remarks. ”You're
227 probably right, Kero-chan and I
229 am way too out
230 of it to do anything constructive tonight.”
240 At The Daidouji Estate:
250 Tomoyo had about five minutes before the
251 camcorder and tape player turned on
252 simultaneously.
254 She had been secretly rehearsing
255 and preparing for this evening's performance for
256 over a week.
258 While completing some minor
259 adjustments to her hair and dress, Tomoyo did
260 another quick run-
262 thru of where she would stand
263 and the words she would sing from the lyrics she
264 had
266 painstakingly written and memorized. She
267 still clung onto the little eraser that Sakura
268 had given
270 to her at their first encounter. She
271 thought, “Now I can say the words to Sakura that
272 I never dared
274 to say. I can use my camcorder,
275 melody, and lyrics that I wrote from my innermost
276 heart and
278 reveal my true feelings this one and
279 only time.”
283 'I must perform perfectly.'mused
284 Tomoyo as she walked to the small tapedx
285 placed on the
287 floor which divided her bed into
288 symmetrical halves.
292 “For my beloved Sakura-
293 chan,“whispered Tomoyo. She inhaled deeply and
294 then slowly exhaled
296 - blowing away the facial
297 masks that she used in her everyday life.
301 “Now
302 my soul is bare for Sakura-chan to see.”
306 The
307 camcorder and tape player clicked on and Tomoyo
308 began ...
316 At the Kinomoto home:
321 Tossing and turning in her bed, Sakura tightly
322 hugged the CardCaptor Sakuradoll that
324 Tomoyo-
325 chan had given her long ago.Beads of perspiration
326 rolled down her face and soaked her
328 pajamas. Her
329 features were contorted into looks of pain ,
330 distress, and denial. Gasping for air,
332 Sakura
333 bolted upright in her bed. She opened her eyes
334 and frantically tried to quiet her racing
336 heart.
341 “Hoe! what was that all about?”cried
342 Sakura. But like wisps of smoke or fluffy clouds,
343 the
345 nightmare refused to be captured. Trembling,
346 Sakura got out of bed and went to her desk. She
349 somehow knew that she had to open the drawer
350 where the Book of the Star Cards was kept.
352 After
353 opening the drawer, Sakura noticed a white light
354 coming from the deck. She urgently
356 pickedthrough
357 the pile of Star Cards until she found the source
358 of the light. It emanated from the
360 lastCardthat
361 appeared when she had overcome Eriols final
362 challenge. The light was pulsing as
364 if it were
365 a heart beating. Suddenly, an arrow of light shot
366 out of the Card and passed through the
368 window
369 into the darkness engulfing Tomoeda . The Card
370 flew behind the arrow of light. As the
372 startled
373 Sakura watched these events, her hand
374 accidentally touched the Light and Dark Card.
375 In
377 an instant, the two spirits of Light and Dark
378 materialized and stood before their Mistress.
383 As always, they were holding each other and
384 looked regal beyond human comprehension.
388 In a
389 feathery voice, Dark whispered,“Your soul mate's
390 heart is at it'sfinal breaking tonight and
392 will
393 soon beat no more in this world. This heart cries
394 for mending but is willing to remain
396 shattered
397 for all time to insure your future happiness.”
406 In a similar voice, Light began to speak.“The
407 path to that heart is revealed by the arrow of
408 the
410 last Star Card. Follow the light quickly if
411 you wish to mend the Heart which my love Dark
412 doth
414 speak”
418 Before Sakura could inquire about
419 their cryptic remarks, Dark and Light disappeared
420 into their
422 Card.
426 Sakura frantically grabbed
427 the Key resting between her breasts and spoke
428 the Words of Power to
430 release it. With cheetah's
431 speed, she summoned Fly. White wings burst
432 through her pajama top.
434 Without changing her
435 garments, Sakura opened the window and raced
436 after the last Star Card in
438 the dark night of
439 Tomoeda. Sakura's heart beat rapidly and she
440 willed her magic to fly as fast as
442 the winds.
443 “I must find this person!”Sakura thought. “But
444 I wonder whom it could be? Is it
446 Syaoran?“
450 At the Daidouji estate:
456 Tomoyo had viewed the completed videotapeseveral
457 times. Tears trickled from her lavender
459 eyes and
460 wetted the dress. Lovingly, she enclosed the tape
461 and sealed the envelope. In her
463 beautiful
464 handwriting, the envelope proclaimed'To My
465 Special Someone 'My Only Love -
467 Sakura-chan'
472 She sealed the envelope and lifted her sewing
473 bag revealing a pair of newly sharpened
474 scissors.
476 With one hand still holding the
477 eraser, Tomoyo firmly grabbed the scissors and
478 walked to her
480 bed. She laid down and arranged
481 some of her favorite hand-sewn costumes that
482 Sakura had worn
484 when she was capturing the Clow
485 Cards.'But, unfortunately those days are over',
486 thought
488 Tomoyo. 'Only in my heart do such
489 moments still dwell. Sakura has chosen Syaoran
490 and I never
492 had the courage to open the gate
493 allowing me entrance into Sakura's heart. He got
494 there first.'
496 whispered Tomoyo as she stared at
497 an enlarged photo of Sakura on the ceiling. The
498 picture had
500 been difficult to place there
501 tonight, but it was worth it. Her tears flowed
502 more freely as she
504 looked at the picture of
505 Sakura - branding every feature in her heart and
506 soul while her right hand
508 came upwards to her
509 soft pale neck.
514 Suddenly a light appeared in Tomoyo's
515 darkened room and she quickly sat up from her
516 macabre
518 position. A surprised Tomoyo saw a
519 Sakura Card spinning in mid-air at the foot of
520 her bed.
522 Faster and faster it twirled -bathing
523 the whole huge room with a heavenly light and
524 making
526 Tomoyo feel faint and dizzy even though
527 she was sitting on her bed.
532 Then the sound of breaking glass filled the
533 room as Sakura flew headfirst into Tomoyo's
536 bedroom.“Tomoyo-chan - Tomoyo-chan, what are you
537 trying to do?”cried Sakura -bleeding
539 from
540 several cuts on her arms, hands, and face. With
541 her natural athleticism, Sakura leapt from
543 the
544 floor and grabbed Tomoyo's wristforcing the
545 steely jaws of the scissors away from her soft
548 neck.
552 For the first time, the shocked Tomoyo
553 wore none of her everyday masks and had no
554 cheerful
556 answers for Sakura's question. Her
557 delicate gasping mouth opened and closed like a
558 land-bound
560 fish seeking water. Before Tomoyo
561 knew it, the scissors were in Sakura's trembling
562 hands. The
564 emotions of anger, fear, and concern
565 warred over the landscape that was
566 Sakura's face
567 and
569 eyes. However, concern with a touch of fear
570 and desperation won the battle on Sakura's face.
571 Her
573 wings fluttered weakly and Sakura panted.
574 The cuts from the broken glass burned her nerves.
575 She
577 felt like she would collapse on the floor.
578 Instead, she willed herself to sit by
579 Tomoyo's
580 side and
582 violently threw the scissors across the
583 room.
585 “Tomoyo-chan Why?”asked Sakura as the
586 evening's pent-up emotions in her heart
587 erupted in
589 full force. The tears flooded from her
590 emerald-green eyes and stung her cuts. She looked
591 at
593 Tomoyo's sad face as if to find the answer
594 there. Tomoyo bent her head to her chest,
595 whispering
597 softly between sobs the manilla
598 envelope-a videotape-on my bureau...Puzzled,
599 Sakura
601 squeezed Tomoyo's hands. With one eye on
602 Tomoyo, Sakura found the manilla envelope and
605 read Tomoyo's notation
606 admiring the lovely
607 handwriting. Tomoyo looked up and saw Sakura's
610 cheek turn fiery red. Sadly, Tomoyo realized that
611 all of her plans for Sakura had failed. She was
614 supposed to be dead. She had not anticipated her
615 beloved Sakura's dramatic arrival. But instead
618 of dropping the envelope in revulsion, Sakura
619 reverently opened the envelope and tenderly
622 plucked out the videotape. She walked to the VCR,
623 turned on the TV, and walked over to
625 Tomoyo's
626 bed.
631 “May I sit next to you, Tomoyo-chan?”asked
632 Sakura. Tomoyo looked with awe at her beloved
635 and nodded. The empty Card stopped spinning and
636 it's light dimmed enough for the two girls to
639 watch the screen. Sakura held Tomoyo's hand with
640 all of her might as the tape started.
646 On the
647 TV screen, Tomoyo appeared.'She looks like an
648 angel.'thought Sakura. Tomoyo was
650 bathed in
651 light and her beautiful voice could be heard.
656 “Sakura-chanIwanted to give you one final
657 gift. It is a song I wrote for you and only you.
658 I
660 know you are crying right now because of my
661 death. I willed for my Mother to give you this
664 video after my private funeral. But please my
665 Sakura-chan. Do not cry for me! My time in this
668 world is done. Your quest for the Clow Cards is
669 complete. Your need for me is over. I only desire
672 your eternal happiness and a joyful future with
673 Syaoran. Like your Mother, I will be in Heaven- a
676 Guardian Angel only for you. And when your
677 life's journey is done, I will be waiting for
678 you
680 with open arms to hug you and loving hands
681 to guide you into Heaven. Maybe there you and I
684 can be in love together because on Earth our Love
685 can never be.”,Tomoyo paused- closed her
687 eyes,
688 and clasped her hands to her chest. She inhaled,
689 opened her delicate mouth, and began to
691 sing...
694 Sakura stared at the TV - mesmerized by
695 Tomoyo's lavender eyes and angelic beauty. A
696 blush
698 bloomed on her cheeks. Her tears freely
699 flowed and a warmth filled her heart and soul.
700 After
702 finishing the beautiful song, Tomoyo said,
703 “I will always be with you My Beloved Sakura-
704 chan. I
706 have loved you since I first saw you in
707 Tomoeda Elementary and this eraser has been the
708 most
710 precious gift I have ever received because
711 it came from you”Tomoyo whispered as she
714 lowered her praying hands and opened one
715 revealing the plain rubber eraser. This is only a
718 temporary separation, My Love. I am just going
719 ahead of you to my destiny.Tomoyo's armsspread
720 wide as if to engulf Sakura. A smile appeared on
721 her face. However, her lavender eyes
723 seemed to
724 lose their color.“Sayonara Sakura-chan I will
725 watch over you and Love you
727 forever.”Tomoyo
728 knelt on the carpet as if to pray slowly the
729 picture blurred and faded away
731 into oblivion.
736 Sakura's heart bled more freely than any
737 lacerations from the broken window could do.
738 Crying,
740 Sakura
742 thought,'I've hurt Tomoyo-chan
743 so deeply.'Though her heart was bleeding from
744 sadness and
746 regret, Sakura felt the seed of love
747 that she had always had for Tomoyo sprout and
748 grow
750 watered and sunned by Tomoyo'srevelation.
751 “So Dark and Light were talking about Tomoyo-
754 chan!”thought Sakura. “She has been suffering
755 all of this time because her love for me was
758 never returned by me for her. I -I am responsible
759 for breaking her heart again and again - until it
762 shattered and made her want to end her life..“
767 Sakura turned to face Tomoyo. Tomoyo had not
768 moved since Sakura had come to her bed. Her
770 hand
771 limply rested in Sakura's grip. Her head was
772 still lowered and tears dripped from her
774 cheeks.
775 Sakure gently removed her hand from Tomoyo'sand
776 reached for Tomoyo's face.
778 Tomoyo cringed at
779 Sakura's tender touch - anticipating a face
780 filled with revulsion and anger.
782 Sakura cupped
783 Tomoyo's cheeks and slowly lifted her head so
784 she could look deep into
786 Tomoyo's lavender eyes.
787 Tomoyo looked at Sakura's face and was stunned by
788 the love and
790 tenderness that gleamed from the
791 emerald green eyes.
795 “Sakura-chan...?“
796 whispered Tomoyo. With loving motion, Sakura
797 pulled Tomoyo's face to her
799 own and gave Tomoyo
800 a passionate kiss. Tomoyo's fragile body wilted
801 under the kiss. Her arms
803 reached around Sakura's
804 waist and hugged her tightlylike a drowning
805 sailor would to a life-line.
807 Sakura's hands
808 stroked Tomoyo's cheeks and fingered her glossy
809 lavender hair. Her slender body
811 pressed against
812 Tomoyo's and eased her body to a prone position.
813 Tomoyo's eyes fluttered and
815 she realized that
816 sometime during this magical waking dream her
817 dress had disappeared from her
819 pale body. “Have
820 I died and reached my ideal vision of Heaven?”
821 thought Tomoyo.“My Sakura-
823 chan is in my armskissing me, loving me...Healing me!”
827 Suddenly
828 Tomoyo's lavender eyes opened and drank up the
829 sight of her Beloved Sakura pressing
831 against
832 her. The Card Mistress was smiling at Tomoyo. Her
833 naked body glistened from her
835 exertions to
836 reach out and mend Tomoyo's heart with the Glue
837 of Love.“Tomoyo-chan...I'm
839 sorry for all of
840 your pain and suffering.”whispered Sakura.
841 “It's all my fault!”cried Sakura as
843 tears mixed
844 with the bloody cuts on her face.
848 With
849 surprising strength, the porcelain-skinned Tomoyo
850 forced Sakura to sit upright on the large
852 bed.
853 “My Beloved Sakura-chan!”cried Tomoyo “You came
854 to save me, but you've injured
856 yourself! Please
857 let me treat your cuts!
862 “Oh Tomoyo-chan My Love,“roclaimed Sakura
863 her emerald green eyes sparkling with
865 Love and
866 Happiness.
870 Tomoyo quickly kissed her Sakura-
871 chan and ran to her bathroom.
880 As she waited for Tomoyo, Sakura gazed at the
881 empty Star Card. It had stopped spinning and it's
884 light was pulsing like a human heartbeat.
885 Sakura bowed her head to the Star Cardandquietly
888 thanked it as well as Dark and Lightforshowing
889 her the path to her One True Love.
894 Tomoyo returned with a moistened towel, a
895 first-aid kit, and two sets of softlinenpajamas.
896 “Ok
898 Sakura-don't move,”said Tomoyo.FirstTomoyo
899 looked over Sakura's body with piercing
901 lavender
902 eyes. She nodded and began to lick and kiss
903 Sakura's cuts and scrapes. Sakura swooned
905 in
906 bliss. Tomoyo gently patted each wound with the
907 warm wet towel. She tenderly applied
909 antibiotic
910 ointment and bandages to each wound - pouring her
911 love for Sakura into every
913 movement. Satisfied
914 that her work was completed to perfection, Tomoyo
915 said, “I think I treated
917 all of your cuts, My
918 Beloved Sakura-chan. But do you hurt anywhere
919 that I can't see? Do I need
921 to call foradoctor?”
926 Sakura answered, “No but thank you My
927 Tomoyo-chan. I don't need a doctor. But I do need
930 You My LoveMy Tomoyo!“
934 Tomoyo beamed as
935 brightly as the empty Star Card. She gently
936 embraced Sakura and kissed her.
938 “Oh My Beloved
939 Sakura-chan!”cried Tomoyo. “How often have I
940 dreamed of hearing those
942 words from you and of
943 being your Love!“
947 Sakura hugged Tomoyo and
948 kissed her.“If you can ever forgive me Tomoyo-
949 chan, I will promise
951 you that your daysof
952 loneliness and suffering will never return
953 because you are My Soul Mate-
955 My Beloved-My
956 Tomoyo-chan.”confessed Sakura. “I want to be
957 yours - Forever.”
961 Tomoyo cried with tears of
962 pure happiness. “My Dearest Sakura-chan, you have
963 made my dearest
965 wish come true!”
969 With love
970 and happiness, Tomoyo and Sakura embraced once
971 more and Magic flared in the
973 bedroom. The broken
974 window was miraculously restored. The Star Card
975 brightened and slowly
977 faded. However, it's face
978 was no longer empty because it now bore a
979 hologram of Sakura and
981 Tomoyo kissing and
982 embracing each other and over their heads
983 floated a red Valentine-
985 shaped Heart.
990 THE END
997 Author's comments:
1001 I was hoping to write the
1002 lyrics of Tomoyo'ssong for you. The words were
1003 clear in my dream.
1005 However, Dawn's light faded
1006 the verses into obscurity. Maybe it's better that
1007 way so you - the
1009 reader - can imagine your own
1010 lyrics to Tomoyo's song of love confessed but
1011 unrequited on
1013 Earth, of her plea for Sakura's
1014 mortal happiness in spite of her suicide, of
1015 Tomoyo's wish of
1017 being Sakura's Guardian Angel
1018 throughout her mortal days and immortal life, and
1019 of her final
1021 words of goodbye to Sakura. I know
1022 I am not a CCS expert like many better writers
1023 and fans of
1025 the anime and manga, but I hope you
1026 will forgive any inconsistencies in this fanfic
1027 and enjoy it as
1029 it is written.
1039 Humbly yours, Joe Saunders at
1040 rphjas@lycos.com