view old/stories/dearsakura-12.txt @ 4:69f0191c9016 moonlitnights tip

added error.log and access.log
author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
parents fc00894c1d4a
children
line wrap: on
line source
1 Dear Sakura
2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
6 “I’m sorry I kept you up all night dancing, Tomoyo-chan. I hope
7 you’re not too tired.” Sakura cast a concerned look as she unlocked
8 the front door. Tomoyo smiled a cheerful response,
10 “Oh, no, Sakura-chan, I feel absolutely wonderful. Thank you for
11 such a lovely evening, and such a lovely visit.”
13 As the door swung open Sakura nodded distractedly and thought,
14 “That’s right, the visit is almost over now.” She hid her grimace
15 from Tomoyo and tried to bring her emotions under control. Buffeted
16 all evening long, swinging between the sheer bliss of being with
17 Tomoyo and the black despair of knowing she would soon be gone,
18 Sakura felt sickeningly dizzy. Sakura sensed the turmoil deep within
19 her stirring again, but sealed it away and ignore it. She didn’t want
20 to break down again in front of Tomoyo. It wasn’t fair to ruin her
21 beautiful trip by making her sad. After all, Tomoyo bore the weight
22 of her secret love without complaint. Rather than trouble the one she
23 loved, the pale girl chose to silently suffer for the sake of their
24 happiness. In all their years together, Sakura could never remember a
25 complaint, an accusation, or an angry question from Tomoyo about the
26 true love that neglected her so. She carried her pain with an easy
27 grace, as if it were a burden lighter than a feather. Sakura felt a
28 flash of anger at whoever it was that ignored her best friend’s love.
29 How could they be so blind? How could they live in ignorance of that
30 vibrant, overflowing love? It seemed terribly unfair that someone so
31 sweet and good should be condemned to a life of loneliness. But never
32 a word did Tomoyo speak against them, or even about her pain. “Well”,
33 Sakura resolved, “if she can do it for years, I can do it for a few
34 hours. Until she leaves.” But that thought brought a new wave of
35 distress that pushed her to the brink of tears. She glanced at Tomoyo
36 as they neared the guest room door, then blurted out in a tense voice,
38 “Tomoyo-chan, I need to go to my room for a minute, but if you need
39 help packing…”
41 Tomoyo looked at the woman who stood by her and sensed an inner
42 torment. She longed to be with her for just a few moments more, but
43 instead smiled and politely replied,
45 “I’ll be fine, Sakura-chan. I’m nearly packed as it is. I’ll see you
46 a little later, then.” Sakura gazed at her with a haunted look,
47 nodded quickly, and then all but ran down the hall. Tomoyo stood
48 alone in the dark and trembled. Breathing deeply, she prayed her
49 heart be still, then opened the door and turned on the light. She
50 rested her hand on the dark wood of the wall, fingers lightly tracing
51 the exquisite carvings of birds and flowers. With a little sigh she
52 pulled her suitcase from the closet and opened it up on the floor.
53 Raising the lid of the little chest that held her clothing, she
54 breathed in the sweet scent of cedar. “Cedar is for memory,” she
55 whispered aloud. Where was that quote from, she wondered? Shaking her
56 head and smiling, she thought of all the memories she would carry
57 back to Japan from her wonderful second trip to Hong Kong.
59 She packed away the dress she had worn when Sakura greeted her at
60 the airport, practically bowling her over with enthusiasm. Holding
61 onto Sakura in that busy throng, she felt as if the rest of the world
62 had ceased to exist. To see her again after four long months, months
63 that dragged on like years, had been a dream fulfilled. She carefully
64 tucked away the gorgeous red cheongsam that Ieran-sama had insisted
65 she keep. She felt the fine silk and traced the little bumps of
66 embroidered gold with her fingertip. Tomoyo had earnestly protested
67 that such a gift was priceless, and she could not possibly accept it.
68 But Ieran-sama only laughed, and told her that no one could ever look
69 as good in it as she. On top of the dress in a little plastic bag she
70 placed a few golden trinkets that had adorned her hair, and
71 blushingly remembered the look in Fanren’s eyes as she bid her
72 goodnight after the banquet. Contemplating the gray and black
73 swimsuit, finally dry on its hanger, Tomoyo giddily recalled swimming
74 with Sakura. She closed her eyes as her mind echoed with the
75 sensation of Sakura's firm but gentle arms holding her as they swam
76 in the warm water. She peeked at her little clock to check the time,
77 and wondered where her friend was. “Maybe she’s fallen asleep,”
78 Tomoyo giggled to herself, “I guess even genki Card Mistresses have
79 to rest sometime.”
81 Still, the room felt empty without her, and Tomoyo wished she were
82 there. Gazing at the clothing in her half-packed suitcase, she
83 wondered if these memories were truly enough. Can I live with just
84 memories, but not her? Before this trip she would have replied with a
85 resounding yes. To have such precious moments to savor would have
86 seemed a bounty beyond compare. But now, they were pale reminders of
87 the indescribable joy of simply being with her. She had seen such
88 wonderful sights on this trip, but none of them compared to sitting
89 by Sakura and holding her hand.
91 Out of the fragrant cedar chest came her cyan nightgown. She held it
92 up and recalled Sakura brushing her hair with long, sensuous strokes,
93 delicate fingers lightly caressing her shoulder and neck. She
94 remembered sitting in the garden, gazing at Sakura’s face glowing in
95 the moonlight, and how her eyes caught that glow and shone with an
96 emerald fire. She remembered crying in her arms, the pain and longing
97 finally too much to bear without tears. And with feverish intensity
98 she remembered their kiss, her very first kiss, and the flood of
99 tender, passionate love between them. For an electric instant her
100 soul joined with Sakura’s in that magical garden under the August
101 moon. Tomoyo felt Sakura’s love there as never before. It surprised
102 and delighted her then, and confused and delighted her now. And
103 sitting on the floor in the guest room, holding that soft cyan
104 nightgown to her breast, a realization struck Tomoyo with forceful
105 suddenness: Sakura had changed.
107 In all their years growing up together, Sakura had been much the
108 same as the sweet, genki girl she first met in third grade. True, she
109 had developed into a beautiful woman, and perhaps was a bit less
110 hyper as she grew older. But all in all, she was still Sakura. Yet
111 something now was very different, and Tomoyo searched her heart to
112 understand just what. There had been hints in the letters and the
113 phone calls. Sometimes she sensed a loss of confidence, a hesitant
114 uncertainty. But Sakura had seen her way through moments like that
115 before, always emerging triumphantly with captured Clow Card, or
116 husband, in hand. Sometimes in her writing Sakura had seemed sad and
117 lonely, but surely this was natural as she adjusted to a new life in
118 a strange city, far away from family and friends. No, it was not
119 until they sat together in the garden that Tomoyo had really noticed.
120 Sakura had always liked her, and treasured her as a best friend. But
121 there, in that garden, the pale woman felt Sakura’s love as never
122 before. It was not a mere kiss, or a touch, or a glance that was
123 different, for these were but outward signs. What had changed was her
124 love. What was once a tender affection was now a passionate longing
125 that seemingly knew no bounds. Tomoyo felt exhilaration and
126 apprehension as she realized what had once seemed impossible. Closing
127 her eyes, she shuddered sweetly at the thought: her love is like my
128 love.
130 Her heart raced as she carefully folded the nightgown and placed it
131 in the suitcase. Long ago Eriol had remarked on her perceptive
132 nature, and she knew he was right. She could read hearts as if they
133 were open books, with all their fragile secrets hers to see. Her kind
134 and loving nature blended well with this gift, for she would never
135 bring harm to another, or use her knowledge to manipulate and
136 control. Sometimes, though, she would gently nudge, or drop a hint,
137 or help a heart along the path it yearned for. She had seen Sayoran's
138 love for Sakura bloom like a trembling flower, and helped nurture it
139 when she realized Sakura's love for the Chinese Sorcerer. Such a
140 course carried no small onus of pain, but for Sakura's sake she
141 persevered, and was rewarded with the Card Mistress' joy on her
142 wedding day. Not that she had seen all of it, of course. But Sakura
143 was happy, and what else mattered? But then, if she was now happily
144 married, how to explain her wonderful, baffling love for Tomoyo?
146 Gazing out the window of the garden and listening to birds greeting
147 the morning sun, Tomoyo frowned thoughtfully. At first, she had
148 dismissed Sakura's love as simple nostalgia for her life in Japan. It
149 was hard to grow up, to leave behind the easy joys of childhood. But
150 Sakura's love went far beyond the bounds of anything that Tomoyo had
151 sensed before. Either it was something entirely new, or something
152 long buried that had recently been uncovered. What would cause such a
153 thing? Sakura seemed happy in her marriage, though Sayoran's absence
154 during her visit seemed odd. Tomoyo was puzzled by the man’s
155 behavior. How could anyone be married to such a bright and lovely
156 spirit and not want to be with her all the time? Even the few times
157 she had seen him around her, he seemed distant, appearing more out of
158 obligation than choice. Of course, that was Syaoran. He was reserved
159 and painfully shy. But surely, underneath it all, he loved her. He
160 had to. How could anyone not love her? Perhaps he loved her, but not
161 the same way as Tomoyo. But then, could anyone love Sakura the way
162 she did? That wasn't fair to Sayoran, to compare his love to hers.
163 Shaking her head, Tomoyo suddenly felt exhausted. With a smile she
164 thought, "Around her, I'm never tired. She has enough energy for both
165 of us."
167 Tomoyo returned to packing. With a sigh, she gently placed the dress
168 from her almost-date into the suitcase. Dancing with Sakura! Did it
169 really happen, or was it just the sweetest of dreams? Holding her
170 close, swaying softly to the music, feeling the soft warmth of her
171 body under the shimmering silk. Tomoyo blushed scarlet and hugged
172 herself tightly. And then, that kiss. Tomoyo's fingers rested lightly
173 on her lips as she remembered the eager longing of Sakura's sudden
174 passion. Even the memory of it left her breathless. If I never see
175 her again, she thought, I’ll always have that kiss.
177 With a little sigh, she snapped shut the suitcase and glanced at the
178 clock. Done, and it’s almost time to leave. Her heart ached with the
179 finality of it all. But she had resolved that this must be their
180 final parting. Being together would only lead to pain for them both.
181 She wondered if she would see Sakura again before leaving, or if
182 woman had fallen fast asleep. Her heart soared when she heard a light
183 tapping at the door, and she rushed to open it. In an elated voice
184 she cried out, “Sakura-chan!”
186 She opened the door, and there stood Ieran-sama and Fanren. Hastily
187 bowing, she felt somehow flustered as the two women entered the room.
188 As she began her apology, Ieran-sama gently interrupted,
190 “I’m certain Sakura-san will be here shortly. Do you need help with
191 your bags?”
193 Tomoyo smiled and shook her head, “No, thank you. I’m all finished
194 packing now. Oh, but I did have something to give you, if I may.”
195 Tomoyo took seven perfectly wrapped packages from a little table. One
196 she gave to Ieran-sama, and one to Fanren. She explained that the
197 others were for the remaining Li sisters, Syaoran, and Sakura. “They
198 are nothing special, just little thank-yous for having me here, and
199 for all of your help and kindness. I’ve had such a wonderful time.”
201 Ieran took her package, studying the beautiful wrapping paper and
202 the intricate bow Tomoyo had tied. She looked at Tomoyo and smiled
203 warmly as she thanked the young designer, then slipped the package
204 into the folds of her silken gown. Fanren, with less patience, had
205 eagerly torn open the wrapping of her own present and was admiring a
206 beautiful jade pin in the shape of a dragonfly. With child-like glee
207 she exclaimed,
209 “Tomoyo-chan, it’s lovely! Thank you so very much!” With that she
210 hugged Tomoyo tightly, practically sweeping the slender woman off her
211 feet. Tomoyo blushed, then smiled and hugged back. Finally, she bowed
212 and spoke in her musical voice,
214 “Thank you again for everything. But perhaps I should finish
215 dressing before the limousine arrives?”
217 Ieran smiled and bowed, then gently tugged on Fanren’s sleeve,
218 bringing the woman out of her Tomoyo-induced fog. Closing the door,
219 Ieran turned and walked down the dark hallway. Fanren followed, and
220 in a rueful voice whispered,
222 “Mother, I think I’m in love.”
224 Ieran-sama suppressed a grin at her daughter’s half-kidding
225 confession. Signaling a servant to go help Tomoyo carry her bags, she
226 wondered to herself, “Who could possibly know that girl and not fall
227 in love?”
229 Tomoyo, dressed in the long, chiffon, copper-russet dress she had
230 bought at Matsizakaya, waited by the driveway as the limousine pulled
231 up. She felt a twinge of disappointment as she scanned the house for
232 Sakura. Looking at the mansion one last time, she entered the
233 spacious back seat of the limousine and heard a voice shout out,
235 “Wait! Tomoyo-chan, don’t go yet!” As a breathless Sakura tumbled
236 into the car beside her, Tomoyo felt a surge of exhilaration. She
237 looked at her panting friend and spoke in a merry voice,
239 “Sakura-chan, I was afraid you might have fallen asleep.” Then,
240 noticing the numerous band-aids on her hands, Tomoyo gasped out, “Oh,
241 Sakura-chan, are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?” Gently took
242 her friend’s hands in her own and stared at with fearful eyes.
243 Looking embarrassed, Sakura replied with forced laughter,
245 “Oh, hah-hah, it’s nothing, really. Just my usual clumsy self. I’m
246 fine, really I am.” But despite her protestations, she happily left
247 her hands in Tomoyo’s. Tomoyo calmed down, but still regarded her
248 friend with a worried look. Sakura smiled and apologized,
250 “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you. But I had to do something before you
251 left. Oh, and Ieran-sama wanted me to give you this.” Sakura gave her
252 a small package, which Tomoyo slipped into her carry-on bag. Sakura
253 slumped back into the plush seat of the limousine, still holding her
254 hand. With a gentle squeeze, Tomoyo spoke in a cheery voice,
256 “It’s all right, Sakura-chan. I’m just happy you’re here now. Thank
257 you so much for having me. It was the most wonderful vacation I could
258 ever have had.”
260 Sakura gazed back, smiling, brushing away her auburn hair with
261 bandaged fingers. With a happy sigh, she replied,
263 “This was the most wonderful time I’ve ever had, Tomoyo-chan. But
264 the best thing about it was just being with you.”
266 Tomoyo felt a warm glow in her heart as Sakura spoke. Her voice
267 masked her emotions as she spoke again liltingly, “I’m sure Sakura-
268 chan will have many more wonderful times in all the magical years to
269 come.” For several minutes there was only silence as the limousine
270 snaked it’s way through the heavy traffic. The pale woman felt the
271 grip on her hand tighten, and sensed her companion’s edginess.
272 Finally, Sakura spoke up in a quiet voice,
274 “Tomoyo-chan, I hope you’ll be able to come again sometime. Sometime
275 soon.”
277 Tomoyo felt a chill as she thought, no, please Sakura, please don’t.
278 We can’t. Staring straight ahead, she responded with forced
279 casualness,
281 “I hope so, too.”
283 Silence. Sakura turned and looked out the window at the city
284 skyline, or the other cars, or perhaps nothing much at all. In a
285 hesitant, whispery voice she asked,
287 “When do you think you might be able to come again?”
289 “Sakura-chan, I’m really not sure. It will be busy before the
290 Christmas season, and then there are all the projects for the New
291 Year, and….”
293 Her voice trailed away as she fought back the tears. It sounded so
294 awful, as if her work was more important than Sakura. How could she
295 say such a thing? But she couldn’t do this again, she just couldn’t.
296 Seeing Sakura was tearing her soul apart, and could ruin Sakura’s
297 marriage and beautiful new life. For Sakura’s sake, and her own, she
298 had to say good-bye. She had to. Tomoyo turned to the window and
299 choked back a sob. Then she felt Sakura squeeze her hand tightly, and
300 heard a wistful voice,
302 “It’s all right Tomoyo-chan, I understand. I’m sorry. I know that
303 we’ll be together again someday.”
305 As the limousine pulled up to the airport’s departing area, Tomoyo
306 felt queasy and weak. She didn’t want to end her trip like this. She
307 didn’t want this to be the final memory seared into her heart. But
308 her masks were lost, and the words wouldn’t come. It was all she
309 could do to keep from crying. Then she heard a voice, genki and
310 strong, that filled the cold parts of her with summer sunshine,
312 “We’re here, Tomoyo-chan. Come on, you don’t want to miss your
313 flight!”
315 Startled, she turned around and saw Sakura’s bright, beaming smile.
316 Relieved, she smiled back, and the two rushed hand-in-hand down the
317 JAL concourse. Arriving at the gate, Sakura bowed and spoke in a
318 voice that was happy and sad all at once,
320 “Arigato gozaimasu, Tomoyo-chan. I was so happy to see you again.
321 Have a wonderful flight back, and give my love to your Mother.”
323 Tomoyo bowed and resisted the urge to embrace her beautiful friend,
324 “Arigato gozaimasu, Sakura-chan. Thank you for everything. Sayonara.”
326 As she turned reluctantly to go, she heard a whispery voice calling
327 her back, “Tomoyo-chan. Please.”
329 She turned and saw Sakura with her head bowed, offering a hastily
330 wrapped package tied with lavender ribbons. Her voice brimming with
331 emotion, Sakura said,
333 “Tomoyo-chan, I’ve felt so bad for so long that you were never able
334 to have this from your special someone. I’m sorry it’s not very good.
335 I’m not very good at sewing, and I was sort of in a rush. I know your
336 true love, if he knew, would do so much better. But since he can’t, I
337 wanted to give you this from him.”
339 Stunned, Tomoyo stood motionless. Finally, she reached out and took
340 the soft package from Sakura’s trembling hands. Then she took the
341 woman into her arms, her own tears flowing freely. Holding one
342 another, the two friends clung together in their own world of grief
343 and joy. Tomoyo desperately wanted to speak, to tell Sakura just how
344 much she really loved her. But it would be too cruel, so she wept in
345 silence. Finally, Sakura whispered raggedly,
347 “Tomoyo-chan, you…you don’t want to miss your flight.”
349 Tomoyo slowly let go, though she yearned to hold her just a little
350 bit longer. Instead, she spoke in a voice that sounded so very far
351 away, “Hai. Sayonara, Sakura-chan.” She moved away and turned to go,
352 forcing every step that took her farther and farther away from her
353 one, true love. She glanced back and saw Sakura, smiling through a
354 tear-streaked face, waving goodbye. Tomoyo paused, hesitant, her
355 heart pounding wildly. She nearly ran back to those gentle arms, but
356 instead rushed down the boarding ramp, fumbling for her ticket in a
357 haze of tears.
359 Sakura watched her go, then walked to a picture window overlooking
360 the runway. Somehow, she made it until Tomoyo was gone. She stood in
361 shock as the boarding ramp slowly swung away from Tomoyo’s plane.
362 Dimly she heard the engines roar to life. Pressing her face against
363 the glass, she whimpered like a forgotten child, “Please don’t go.
364 Please, Tomoyo-chan. Please don’t go.”
366 As if in a dream, the enormous jet slowly began to pull away. Sakura
367 gazed up at the blue sky and whispered, “In a few minutes she’ll be
368 there, in a beautiful place in the sky.” The odd words echoed in her
369 head, and suddenly a deluge of memories burst upon her: a little
370 child sobbing in bed, a frighteningly empty chair at a dinning table,
371 and a brother, her brother, quietly explaining,
373 “She’s up there now, in a beautiful place in the sky.”
375 Slowly shaking her head, Sakura moaned softly and began to cry
376 again. Her brave front finally collapsed in a torrent of weeping as
377 she covered her face with bandaged hands. Heads turned to the wailing
378 young woman who sobbed hysterically and staggered into the Ladies’
379 Room. Her hapless cries reverberated as Tomoyo’s plane, aloft at
380 last, gained altitude for the long flight home.