Salutations. Sorry for the length of time it was between stories . .

 . actually, no,  I'm not too sure if I am. I got three E-mails

 regarding Toujours. One asked me when the next chapter was coming

 out, another condemned my actions, and a third was a fiction idea. A

 few E-mails here and there that tell me you enjoy my reading, or hate

 it, and the reasons why would be very helpful for not only better

 stories but my actual will to write them. Address is the same if you

 want to E-Mail me: Saturn_Knight@hotmail.com . Anyhow, this is the

 idea of the person who E-mailed me, and thus dedicated to her. Enjoy,

 Maggie.

 

 	Yet another overcast, cloudy day in Japan. The wind ripped through

 the trees, scattering leaves across the lush green grass of the park

 where both Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were sitting. It was on the cooler

 side, and neither girl had anything warmer than a heavy sweater,

 though neither wanted to move from their location. However, a stray

 gust of wind caught Hotaru off guard, causing her to shiver and pull

 her arms tighter around herself.

 	"Are you cold?" Chibi-Usa asked, worried that her friend might

 catch a chill and become sick. Hotaru only had time to nod once

 before she was moved, being rearranged by Chibi-Usa .  "Here, what if

 I sit like..." Hotaru's back was moved against the other girl's chest

 and a set of  arms found their way around her body, clasping around

 her stomach. Chibi felt a little odd with the position, thinking she

 was behaving too much like her mother and Mamoru, but she wanted to

 keep her friend warm. Hotaru smiled over her shoulder, her eyes have

 closed with sleep, before she settled into her friend's body,

 thinking the position was all too right.

 	"Tired too huh?" The pink haired girl asked, adjusting her body so

 that Hotaru's shoulder didn't hit her directly in the rib. Once more,

 the quiet girl nodded, yawning as if to accentuate Chibi's point

 before growing still. "Yeah, sleep on me." Chibi mumbled with a smile

 on her face, "You're like just like Artemis." Hotaru didn't rise a

 reply, only the quiet, steady sound of her breathing was heard in the

 still of the park evening. The smaller girl's mind began to wander,

 looking her friend over thoughtfully before coming to an unusual

 conclusion, 全he trusts me enough to sleep...and with her that's a

 pretty big thing.' Chibi thought, trying to hold as still as possible

 though her body tried to make her fidget. 選've only seen her sleep

 in bed at home, in my room on the floor, or with Puu, but...' Her

 tiny, soft hand brushed some of Hotaru's hair from in front of her

 eyes, 鮮ot me...not like this.'

 	A mix of emotions began to work their way through Chibi's system:

 happiness, flattery, excitement, but also uncertainty and doubt.

 閃aybe she's just to exhausted...I made her run around a lot today.'

 She thought to herself, pursing her lips as she again commanded her

 body to remain still. 全he's probably just too tired to stay

 awake...but....maybe she trusts me? Of course she trusts me, she's my

 best friend! She tells me things she'd never tell anyone

 else...but...' Chibi shook her head quickly to clear her thoughts,

 the ends of her hair slapping her in the face. The movement roused

 Hotaru, who took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

 	"I fell asleep..." she thought verbally, sitting up, putting a hand

 to her face and rubbing the open palm down her cheek. "I'm sorry."

 Hotaru spoke aloud and turned to face Chibi, her voice sounding

 groggy and disconnected. The pink haired girl glanced away, looking

 hurt. 選t was an accident...' She stood up, brushing her jeans off,

 全he didn't do it because she trusted me.' This quick movement

 startled Hotaru, who fell back onto her ankles and looked up at Chibi

 questioningly.

 	"Let's go home." The smaller girl said with a slight snip in her

 voice that made Hotaru wonder what she did wrong. 全he's.....not mad

 that I fell asleep on her, is she?' Hotaru thought as she got to her

 feet and balanced herself from the uneasy equilibrium of someone who

 just woke. Putting a hand on Chibi's shoulder to keep herself

 upright, Hotaru got a sharp look and quickly withdrew it. 全he's mad

 at me,' the black haired girl thought, looking to her feet and

 wrapping her arms around herself. 全he's upset that I fell asleep on

 her...maybe I should just go home for the night...' "I'm really

 sorry, Chibi-Usa....I swear."

 	"I know you are." Chibi answered, thinking 禅hat's why it hurts...'

 "Come on," and she started in the direction back to Usagi's house not

 waiting to see if Hotaru followed.

 	選'm sorry.....' Hotaru thought, hanging her head and beginning to

 follow after her friend who had a considerable lead on her, 選 didn't

 mean to assume too much trust...'

 

 	Back at the Tsukino residence, both girls sat on the floor in

 Chibi's room in complete silence. The blatherings of Usagi were heard

 through the walls as she yakked away on the phone to one of her

 friends. "When she's done, I'll call Michi-Mama and go home." Hotaru

 said, not looking at Chibi, in a timid, almost frightened voice.

 塑ou're mad at me and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin things if I

 stay...'

 	"If you want to," Chibi replied, picking up a manga that was on the

 table next to her and started flipping through the pages. 全he's that

 upset with herself....she can't trust me anymore? We used to sleep

 over all the time, why is it different now?' Drawings of various

 characters flew by her as she furiously turned the pages, 糎as it

 because I was holding onto her?' Hotaru noticed Chibi's obviously

 riled demeanor and heaved a sigh, thinking 全he can't wait for me to

 leave...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to assume!'

 	Neither said a word after that, and Usagi hadn't closed her mouth

 for a full 10 minutes. Hotaru hugged her legs to her chest, her chin

 resting on her tight-covered knees with her eyes cast down onto the

 floor. She was thinking, which was always a dangerous thing,

 especially in the emotional state she was in now. Hotaru remembered

 all the fun times she and Chibi-Usa had in the past: parties, sleep

 overs, playing at the park, or even just sitting and spilling their

 hearts out to each other. 羨ll of that's over now...' The silence

 senshi told herself, 腺ecause you let yourself fall asleep when she

 was holding you....now she's going to know how you feel, and she's

 going to tell you to go away because she's in love with HIM.'

 	Chibi glanced at her friend, a little concerned. Even if Hotaru

 wasn't speaking aloud, she couldn't hide her ragged breathing and how

 her arms clutched her legs tighter with every passing second. 全he's

 that mad at me? Oh Hotaru, don't hate me... I just wanted to make you

 comfortable...' Hotaru let out a swift, uneven breath as she clutched

 her legs tight enough to make her knees crack. 前h gods, no... don't

 take it out on yourself... I better say something...' "Puu said that

 Helios was asking about me again." Chibi remarked, saying the first

 thing that came to her head, but instantly wondered if it was the

 right thing to do.

 	Hotaru gave Chibi a look as if she'd just struck her, her mouth

 hanging open for a fraction of a second before she caught herself,

 only nodding in response. 全he's telling me about HIM...' Hotaru

 thought, mentally hissing the last word, not even wanting to think

 his name. 全he's doing it because she wants me to know she's still in

 love with him, and that thing at the park was just a friendly

 thing...' She swallowed hard and rested her forehead on her knees

 now, looking down at the floor, her face hidden.

 選'll never be able to be anything more than a friend to her. She's

 always going to see me as just a friend. No matter what I do...god,

 don't start here, you're only going to embarrass yourself.' But she

 couldn't hold it in anymore, and the tears started to drip from her

 eyes, quickly being absorbed into her tights. Hotaru daren't make a

 sound.

 	"I want to go back and see him soon," Chibi said, looking out the

 window, only trying to make Hotaru happy. She figured that the reason

 Hotaru was so upset was that they were so physically close to each

 other and she'd gotten uncomfortable. "I wonder what our wedding is

 going to be like?" The pink haired girl mused aloud, closing her eyes

 to picture the event. "I want lots of flowers, and music, and

 everyone's going to be invited." She paused to consider something,

 tilting her head, "And I can have a really big cake, cus I know

 Usagi's going to be a pig and eat it all."

 	Hotaru started to shake, 糎hy is she doing this to me?' the tears

 were flowing harder now and she had to give everything she had to

 avoid sobbing loudly and running out of the room. 選s she trying to

 hurt me? I didn't think she'd do that...did I make her that mad? Oh,

 Chibi don't do this to me...please!' But, she only nodded, fighting

 to keep her sniffles silent as she listened to her friend continue.

 	"Oh, and a really big dress. I want one that's pink and white with

 little yellow bunnies on the veil, so he has to laugh when he kisses

 me." Chibi smiled faintly at the thought, but only for effect. Her

 heart wasn't in it. She was only saying what she thought Hotaru

 wanted to hear, and looking out the window, she didn't notice that

 the black haired girl cringed and tightened her hands into fists at

 the mention of a kiss. Chibi-Usa continued, "Then comes the

 honeymoon...where do you think he and I should go?"

 	Hotaru thought for a moment, knowing full well where she wanted to

 send Helios, but only shrugged her shoulders. She would be

 nice....she had to be, Chibi loved him, and she had no choice but to

 accept that. Her friend was happy with this guy, and she would be

 happy for her. Even if it killed her.

 	"I want somewhere romantic..." Chibi-Usa said, making her best

 effort to sound wistful, and dreamy, "Because...you know, honey moon

 stuff." That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Hotaru simply

 couldn't take it any more. Giving in to her body's desires, she

 simply let go and allowed herself to sob. It terrified Chjbi; it

 didn't seem human, so much agony was reserved for the damned. It was

 followed by a short, but loud scream as Hotaru slammed her fist into

 the floor in frustration with herself and the situation. A soft,

 sickening cracking sound issued from the blow, but it was completely

 disregarded. "Hotaru....?" Chibi asked carefully, as a tear soaked

 face raised from to look upon her.  Hotaru's eyes were bloodshot, and

 her skin was discolored from the tears and the dirt that was on the

 knees of her tights from falling earlier.

 	"What, Chibi-Usa? What?" Hotaru managed between sobs, angry, but

 not at her friend. "Want advice on what you should do with HIM!?"

 That scared Chibi-Usa, who had frightening flash backs of Mistress 9,

 and the sheer destructive nature that Hotaru possessed. Unable to

 control herself, Hotaru bawled loudly, though Usagi's faint

 conversation continued in the background. "I can't take it

 anymore....I can't....I just can't!"

 	"Take what Hotaru!? You've been mean to me ever since the park! You

 get mad at me cus you fall asleep, and then tell me that you didn't

 mean to! You didn't know how happy it made me for you to show how

 much you trusted me!" Chibi was just as agitated as Hotaru now, and

 was speaking before she thought. 前h god, that's only going to make

 her mad...please don't hurt yourself anymore... Please....'

 	"What?! You got mad and ran away when I told you I was sorry! I

 just was so comfortable with you, and so happy to be around you that

 I fell asleep! I said I was sorry!" Hotaru was too worked up to grasp

 the situation, normally very keen on things, she simply couldn't see

 where their messages got mixed up. "I didn't mean to!"

 	"You....trusted me?" Chibi's voice dropped from a yell to a

 whisper. 選t wasn't a mistake...oh gods what have I done?!'

 "Hotaru...oh no, no, no...gods no..." she approached the black haired

 girl who took a step back and stood defensively to the advancement.

 Her hand was already bruised a hideous, deep purple that marred her

 alabaster perfection. 前h Hotaru what have I done to you?! But....why

 did you get so mad? I have to know....' Swallowing hard, Chibi asked

 the question that could make, or break their friendship, "Why did you

 get so mad when I mention Helios?"

 	"Why...?" Hotaru asked, shaking her head, "Why...? Because you talk

 about him like he's some kind of god! You tell me all the time about

 how much you miss him, or how much you want to go back to see him."

 Ignoring the pain that started to throb in her fingers, Hotaru

 continued. "I'm jealous, Chibi-Usa. JEALOUS! I'm not perfect!"

 	"Jealous of what?! You're my best friend, I tell you EVERYTHING! I

 tell you things I could never tell him!" Chibi shouted back, now

 aggravated by Hotaru's unneeded jealousy. "Why are you so upset?!"

 	"Because I'm in love with you, that's why!" Hotaru yelled at Chibi

 before she could even realize what she'd said. Both of them stood in

 shock, Chibi-Usa's mouth dropping open as she stared at her friend

 who suddenly grew sheepish, turning away as she mumbled "Because I'm

 in love with you...I'm sorry, I'll go." Hotaru made a quick move for

 the exit, but Chibi was much faster than she and grabbed onto her

 injured arm, getting a short yelp of pain from Hotaru.

 	"I'm sorry....I didn't mean to....just don't go, please?

 Stay....let me get you some ice for that hand...stay here, ok?

 Promise me you'll stay here at least until I get back from the

 kitchen." Chibi looked at the now quiet Hotaru who only nodded and

 sat down on the bed, holding her bruised hand gingerly. Chibi-Usa ran

 from her room, nearly colliding with Usagi who was in the kitchen,

 still talking, and fixing herself a snack.

 			"What's all the yellin' about?" Usagi asked her daughter, who was

 already filling a bag full of ice. Her mouth was packed with

 chocolate donut, a glass of milk in her hand, and the phone cradled

 against her shoulder. "And what's with the ice?"

 	"God you're nosy," Chibi said, closing the freezer and putting the

 ice bag into a clean dish towel so it wouldn't freeze Hotaru's hand,

 "Hotaru hurt herself and I'm getting her ice. Why are you stuffing

 your face again?"

 	"Cus I'm hungry, duh." Usagi said over another bite of donut,

 mumbling something incoherent to the person on the other end of the

 phone before walking out of the kitchen and back to her room.

 	"You're always hungry..." The pink haired girl grumbled while she

 hurried back to her room to find Hotaru still seated on the bed, her

 tear stained face looking towards the floor. "Here you go.." Chibi

 offered the ice carefully to Hotaru who took it and applied it to her

 injury with a soft whine. "I'm sorry....Hotaru, really. I was only

 mad cus I thought you were upset that you fell asleep on me...that

 you were mad at yourself for accidently doing that...that you didn't

 trust me."

 	"I trust you..." Hotaru whispered quietly with a shake of her head,

 "Otherwise I wouldn't have done that...I thought you were mad at me

 for thinking I could be that way with you..." She sighed, adjusting

 the ice to not put pressure on the injury, "And...I guess after I

 told you what I did, you don't want to see me anymore. You're

 supposed to be with hi-" she caught herself, and released a

 controlled breath, "With Helios... I won't get in the way..."

 	"I...don't know if I want to be with him anymore." Chibi confessed,

 looking desperately at her friend, "It just feels so fake when I'm

 with him, like I have to be someone I'm not. It didn't used to be

 like that, I used to be able to talk with him for hours, and just

 enjoy being next to him...." Her red irises grew larger as she came

 to a realization, "Just....like I am with you."

 	"You....you mean that?" Hotaru asked carefully, being certain not

 to get her hopes up for nothing, demanding that she stay in control

 of her body. Chibi only nodded and placed a hand on Hotaru's cheek.

 The two looked into each other's eyes, Chibi-Usa's hand cupping her

 friend's face comfortingly.

 	"You really scared me, Hotaru...I've never seen you like that." Usa

 began, gently touching the shoulder of Hotaru's injured arm, "I don't

 want you to hurt...You should have hit me, I was the one being the

 jerk..."

 	"No..." The black haired girl shook her head, "I could never

 purposely hurt you like that. You know I care about you too much...I

 love you, Chibi..." She didn't expect an answer back, and was content

 with just saying it to let her friend know how she truly and honestly

 felt. "I'm going to have trouble explaining my hand to my parents,"

 Hotaru quickly changed the subject, "They're going to worry abo-" She

 was quickly silenced by Chibi-Usa who placed a single, slender digit

 over her lips.

 	"I love you too Hotaru..."