Dear Sakura

 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.

 amazonessduo@hotmail.com

 pearsong1954@yahoo.com

 

 “I’m sorry I kept you up all night dancing, Tomoyo-chan. I hope

 you’re not too tired.”  Sakura cast a concerned look as she unlocked

 the front door. Tomoyo smiled a cheerful response, 

 

 “Oh, no, Sakura-chan, I feel absolutely wonderful. Thank you for

 such a lovely evening, and such a lovely visit.”

 

 As the door swung open Sakura nodded distractedly and thought,

 “That’s right, the visit is almost over now.” She hid her grimace

 from Tomoyo and tried to bring her emotions under control. Buffeted

 all evening long, swinging between the sheer bliss of being with

 Tomoyo and the black despair of knowing she would soon be gone,

 Sakura felt sickeningly dizzy. Sakura sensed the turmoil deep within

 her stirring again, but sealed it away and ignore it. She didn’t want

 to break down again in front of Tomoyo. It wasn’t fair to ruin her

 beautiful trip by making her sad. After all, Tomoyo bore the weight

 of her secret love without complaint. Rather than trouble the one she

 loved, the pale girl chose to silently suffer for the sake of their

 happiness. In all their years together, Sakura could never remember a

 complaint, an accusation, or an angry question from Tomoyo about the

 true love that neglected her so. She carried her pain with an easy

 grace, as if it were a burden lighter than a feather. Sakura felt a

 flash of anger at whoever it was that ignored her best friend’s love.

 How could they be so blind? How could they live in ignorance of that

 vibrant, overflowing love? It seemed terribly unfair that someone so

 sweet and good should be condemned to a life of loneliness. But never

 a word did Tomoyo speak against them, or even about her pain. “Well”,

 Sakura resolved, “if she can do it for years, I can do it for a few

 hours. Until she leaves.” But that thought brought a new wave of

 distress that pushed her to the brink of tears. She glanced at Tomoyo

 as they neared the guest room door, then blurted out in a tense voice,

 

 “Tomoyo-chan, I need to go to my room for a minute, but if you need

 help packing…”

 

 Tomoyo looked at the woman who stood by her and sensed an inner

 torment. She longed to be with her for just a few moments more, but

 instead smiled and politely replied,

 

 “I’ll be fine, Sakura-chan. I’m nearly packed as it is. I’ll see you

 a little later, then.” Sakura gazed at her with a haunted look,

 nodded quickly, and then all but ran down the hall. Tomoyo stood

 alone in the dark and trembled. Breathing deeply, she prayed her

 heart be still, then opened the door and turned on the light. She

 rested her hand on the dark wood of the wall, fingers lightly tracing

 the exquisite carvings of birds and flowers. With a little sigh she

 pulled her suitcase from the closet and opened it up on the floor.

 Raising the lid of the little chest that held her clothing, she

 breathed in the sweet scent of cedar. “Cedar is for memory,” she

 whispered aloud. Where was that quote from, she wondered? Shaking her

 head and smiling, she thought of all the memories she would carry

 back to Japan from her wonderful second trip to Hong Kong. 

 

 She packed away the dress she had worn when Sakura greeted her at

 the airport, practically bowling her over with enthusiasm. Holding

 onto Sakura in that busy throng, she felt as if the rest of the world

 had ceased to exist. To see her again after four long months, months

 that dragged on like years, had been a dream fulfilled. She carefully

 tucked away the gorgeous red cheongsam that Ieran-sama had insisted

 she keep. She felt the fine silk and traced the little bumps of

 embroidered gold with her fingertip. Tomoyo had earnestly protested

 that such a gift was priceless, and she could not possibly accept it.

 But Ieran-sama only laughed, and told her that no one could ever look

 as good in it as she. On top of the dress in a little plastic bag she

 placed a few golden trinkets that had adorned her hair, and

 blushingly remembered the look in Fanren’s eyes as she bid her

 goodnight after the banquet. Contemplating the gray and black

 swimsuit, finally dry on its hanger, Tomoyo giddily recalled swimming

 with Sakura. She closed her eyes as her mind echoed with the

 sensation of Sakura's firm but gentle arms holding her as they swam

 in the warm water. She peeked at her little clock to check the time,

 and wondered where her friend was. “Maybe she’s fallen asleep,”

 Tomoyo giggled to herself, “I guess even genki Card Mistresses have

 to rest sometime.” 

 

 Still, the room felt empty without her, and Tomoyo wished she were

 there. Gazing at the clothing in her half-packed suitcase, she

 wondered if these memories were truly enough. Can I live with just

 memories, but not her? Before this trip she would have replied with a

 resounding yes. To have such precious moments to savor would have

 seemed a bounty beyond compare. But now, they were pale reminders of

 the indescribable joy of simply being with her. She had seen such

 wonderful sights on this trip, but none of them compared to sitting

 by Sakura and holding her hand. 

 

 Out of the fragrant cedar chest came her cyan nightgown. She held it

 up and recalled Sakura brushing her hair with long, sensuous strokes,

 delicate fingers lightly caressing her shoulder and neck. She

 remembered sitting in the garden, gazing at Sakura’s face glowing in

 the moonlight, and how her eyes caught that glow and shone with an

 emerald fire. She remembered crying in her arms, the pain and longing

 finally too much to bear without tears. And with feverish intensity

 she remembered their kiss, her very first kiss, and the flood of

 tender, passionate love between them. For an electric instant her

 soul joined with Sakura’s in that magical garden under the August

 moon. Tomoyo felt Sakura’s love there as never before. It surprised

 and delighted her then, and confused and delighted her now. And

 sitting on the floor in the guest room, holding that soft cyan

 nightgown to her breast, a realization struck Tomoyo with forceful

 suddenness: Sakura had changed.

 

 In all their years growing up together, Sakura had been much the

 same as the sweet, genki girl she first met in third grade. True, she

 had developed into a beautiful woman, and perhaps was a bit less

 hyper as she grew older. But all in all, she was still Sakura. Yet

 something now was very different, and Tomoyo searched her heart to

 understand just what. There had been hints in the letters and the

 phone calls. Sometimes she sensed a loss of confidence, a hesitant

 uncertainty. But Sakura had seen her way through moments like that

 before, always emerging triumphantly with captured Clow Card, or

 husband, in hand. Sometimes in her writing Sakura had seemed sad and

 lonely, but surely this was natural as she adjusted to a new life in

 a strange city, far away from family and friends. No, it was not

 until they sat together in the garden that Tomoyo had really noticed.

 Sakura had always liked her, and treasured her as a best friend. But

 there, in that garden, the pale woman felt Sakura’s love as never

 before. It was not a mere kiss, or a touch, or a glance that was

 different, for these were but outward signs. What had changed was her

 love. What was once a tender affection was now a passionate longing

 that seemingly knew no bounds. Tomoyo felt exhilaration and

 apprehension as she realized what had once seemed impossible. Closing

 her eyes, she shuddered sweetly at the thought: her love is like my

 love.

 

 Her heart raced as she carefully folded the nightgown and placed it

 in the suitcase. Long ago Eriol had remarked on her perceptive

 nature, and she knew he was right. She could read hearts as if they

 were open books, with all their fragile secrets hers to see. Her kind

 and loving nature blended well with this gift, for she would never

 bring harm to another, or use her knowledge to manipulate and

 control. Sometimes, though, she would gently nudge, or drop a hint,

 or help a heart along the path it yearned for. She had seen Sayoran's

 love for Sakura bloom like a trembling flower, and helped nurture it

 when she realized Sakura's love for the Chinese Sorcerer. Such a

 course carried no small onus of pain, but for Sakura's sake she

 persevered, and was rewarded with the Card Mistress' joy on her

 wedding day. Not that she had seen all of it, of course. But Sakura

 was happy, and what else mattered? But then, if she was now happily

 married, how to explain her wonderful, baffling love for Tomoyo? 

 

 Gazing out the window of the garden and listening to birds greeting

 the morning sun, Tomoyo frowned thoughtfully. At first, she had

 dismissed Sakura's love as simple nostalgia for her life in Japan. It

 was hard to grow up, to leave behind the easy joys of childhood. But

 Sakura's love went far beyond the bounds of anything that Tomoyo had

 sensed before. Either it was something entirely new, or something

 long buried that had recently been uncovered. What would cause such a

 thing? Sakura seemed happy in her marriage, though Sayoran's absence

 during her visit seemed odd. Tomoyo was puzzled by the man’s

 behavior. How could anyone be married to such a bright and lovely

 spirit and not want to be with her all the time? Even the few times

 she had seen him around her, he seemed distant, appearing more out of

 obligation than choice. Of course, that was Syaoran. He was reserved

 and painfully shy. But surely, underneath it all, he loved her. He

 had to. How could anyone not love her? Perhaps he loved her, but not

 the same way as Tomoyo. But then, could anyone love Sakura the way

 she did? That wasn't fair to Sayoran, to compare his love to hers.

 Shaking her head, Tomoyo suddenly felt exhausted. With a smile she

 thought, "Around her, I'm never tired. She has enough energy for both

 of us."

 

 Tomoyo returned to packing. With a sigh, she gently placed the dress

 from her almost-date into the suitcase. Dancing with Sakura! Did it

 really happen, or was it just the sweetest of dreams? Holding her

 close, swaying softly to the music, feeling the soft warmth of her

 body under the shimmering silk. Tomoyo blushed scarlet and hugged

 herself tightly. And then, that kiss. Tomoyo's fingers rested lightly

 on her lips as she remembered the eager longing of Sakura's sudden

 passion. Even the memory of it left her breathless. If I never see

 her again, she thought, I’ll always have that kiss. 

 

 With a little sigh, she snapped shut the suitcase and glanced at the

 clock. Done, and it’s almost time to leave. Her heart ached with the

 finality of it all. But she had resolved that this must be their

 final parting. Being together would only lead to pain for them both.

 She wondered if she would see Sakura again before leaving, or if

 woman had fallen fast asleep. Her heart soared when she heard a light

 tapping at the door, and she rushed to open it. In an elated voice

 she cried out, “Sakura-chan!”

 

 She opened the door, and there stood Ieran-sama and Fanren. Hastily

 bowing, she felt somehow flustered as the two women entered the room.

 As she began her apology, Ieran-sama gently interrupted,

 

 “I’m certain Sakura-san will be here shortly. Do you need help with

 your bags?”

 

 Tomoyo smiled and shook her head, “No, thank you. I’m all finished

 packing now. Oh, but I did have something to give you, if I may.”

 Tomoyo took seven perfectly wrapped packages from a little table. One

 she gave to Ieran-sama, and one to Fanren. She explained that the

 others were for the remaining Li sisters, Syaoran, and Sakura. “They

 are nothing special, just little thank-yous for having me here, and

 for all of your help and kindness. I’ve had such a wonderful time.”

 

 Ieran took her package, studying the beautiful wrapping paper and

 the intricate bow Tomoyo had tied. She looked at Tomoyo and smiled

 warmly as she thanked the young designer, then slipped the package

 into the folds of her silken gown. Fanren, with less patience, had

 eagerly torn open the wrapping of her own present and was admiring a

 beautiful jade pin in the shape of a dragonfly. With child-like glee

 she exclaimed,

 

 “Tomoyo-chan, it’s lovely! Thank you so very much!” With that she

 hugged Tomoyo tightly, practically sweeping the slender woman off her

 feet. Tomoyo blushed, then smiled and hugged back. Finally, she bowed

 and spoke in her musical voice, 

 

 “Thank you again for everything. But perhaps I should finish

 dressing before the limousine arrives?”

 

 Ieran smiled and bowed, then gently tugged on Fanren’s sleeve,

 bringing the woman out of her Tomoyo-induced fog. Closing the door,

 Ieran turned and walked down the dark hallway. Fanren followed, and

 in a rueful voice whispered, 

 

 “Mother, I think I’m in love.”

 

 Ieran-sama suppressed a grin at her daughter’s half-kidding

 confession. Signaling a servant to go help Tomoyo carry her bags, she

 wondered to herself, “Who could possibly know that girl and not fall

 in love?”    

 

  Tomoyo, dressed in the long, chiffon, copper-russet dress she had

 bought at Matsizakaya, waited by the driveway as the limousine pulled

 up. She felt a twinge of disappointment as she scanned the house for

 Sakura. Looking at the mansion one last time, she entered the

 spacious back seat of the limousine and heard a voice shout out,

 

 “Wait! Tomoyo-chan, don’t go yet!” As a breathless Sakura tumbled

 into the car beside her, Tomoyo felt a surge of exhilaration. She

 looked at her panting friend and spoke in a merry voice,

 

 “Sakura-chan, I was afraid you might have fallen asleep.” Then,

 noticing the numerous band-aids on her hands, Tomoyo gasped out, “Oh,

 Sakura-chan, are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?”  Gently took

 her friend’s hands in her own and stared at with fearful eyes.

 Looking embarrassed, Sakura replied with forced laughter,

 

 “Oh, hah-hah, it’s nothing, really. Just my usual clumsy self. I’m

 fine, really I am.” But despite her protestations, she happily left

 her hands in Tomoyo’s. Tomoyo calmed down, but still regarded her

 friend with a worried look. Sakura smiled and apologized,

 

 “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you. But I had to do something before you

 left. Oh, and Ieran-sama wanted me to give you this.” Sakura gave her

 a small package, which Tomoyo slipped into her carry-on bag. Sakura

 slumped back into the plush seat of the limousine, still holding her

 hand. With a gentle squeeze, Tomoyo spoke in a cheery voice,

 

 “It’s all right, Sakura-chan. I’m just happy you’re here now. Thank

 you so much for having me. It was the most wonderful vacation I could

 ever have had.”

 

 Sakura gazed back, smiling, brushing away her auburn hair with

 bandaged fingers. With a happy sigh, she replied,

 

 “This was the most wonderful time I’ve ever had, Tomoyo-chan. But

 the best thing about it was just being with you.”

 

 Tomoyo felt a warm glow in her heart as Sakura spoke. Her voice

 masked her emotions as she spoke again liltingly, “I’m sure Sakura-

 chan will have many more wonderful times in all the magical years to

 come.” For several minutes there was only silence as the limousine

 snaked it’s way through the heavy traffic. The pale woman felt the

 grip on her hand tighten, and sensed her companion’s edginess.

 Finally, Sakura spoke up in a quiet voice,

 

 “Tomoyo-chan, I hope you’ll be able to come again sometime. Sometime

 soon.”

 

 Tomoyo felt a chill as she thought, no, please Sakura, please don’t.

 We can’t. Staring straight ahead, she responded with forced

 casualness,

 

 “I hope so, too.”

 

 Silence. Sakura turned and looked out the window at the city

 skyline, or the other cars, or perhaps nothing much at all. In a

 hesitant, whispery voice she asked,

 

 “When do you think you might be able to come again?”

 

 “Sakura-chan, I’m really not sure. It will be busy before the

 Christmas season, and then there are all the projects for the New

 Year, and….”

 

 Her voice trailed away as she fought back the tears. It sounded so

 awful, as if her work was more important than Sakura. How could she

 say such a thing? But she couldn’t do this again, she just couldn’t.

 Seeing Sakura was tearing her soul apart, and could ruin Sakura’s

 marriage and beautiful new life. For Sakura’s sake, and her own, she

 had to say good-bye. She had to. Tomoyo turned to the window and

 choked back a sob. Then she felt Sakura squeeze her hand tightly, and

 heard a wistful voice,

 

 “It’s all right Tomoyo-chan, I understand. I’m sorry. I know that

 we’ll be together again someday.”

 

 As the limousine pulled up to the airport’s departing area, Tomoyo

 felt queasy and weak. She didn’t want to end her trip like this. She

 didn’t want this to be the final memory seared into her heart. But

 her masks were lost, and the words wouldn’t come. It was all she

 could do to keep from crying. Then she heard a voice, genki and

 strong, that filled the cold parts of her with summer sunshine,

 

 “We’re here, Tomoyo-chan. Come on, you don’t want to miss your

 flight!”

 

 Startled, she turned around and saw Sakura’s bright, beaming smile.

 Relieved, she smiled back, and the two rushed hand-in-hand down the

 JAL concourse. Arriving at the gate, Sakura bowed and spoke in a

 voice that was happy and sad all at once,

 

 “Arigato gozaimasu, Tomoyo-chan. I was so happy to see you again.

 Have a wonderful flight back, and give my love to your Mother.”

 

 Tomoyo bowed and resisted the urge to embrace her beautiful friend,

 “Arigato gozaimasu, Sakura-chan. Thank you for everything. Sayonara.”

 

 As she turned reluctantly to go, she heard a whispery voice calling

 her back, “Tomoyo-chan. Please.”

 

 She turned and saw Sakura with her head bowed, offering a hastily

 wrapped package tied with lavender ribbons. Her voice brimming with

 emotion, Sakura said,

 

 “Tomoyo-chan, I’ve felt so bad for so long that you were never able

 to have this from your special someone. I’m sorry it’s not very good.

 I’m not very good at sewing, and I was sort of in a rush. I know your

 true love, if he knew, would do so much better. But since he can’t, I

 wanted to give you this from him.”

 

 Stunned, Tomoyo stood motionless. Finally, she reached out and took

 the soft package from Sakura’s trembling hands. Then she took the

 woman into her arms, her own tears flowing freely. Holding one

 another, the two friends clung together in their own world of grief

 and joy. Tomoyo desperately wanted to speak, to tell Sakura just how

 much she really loved her. But it would be too cruel, so she wept in

 silence. Finally, Sakura whispered raggedly,

 

 “Tomoyo-chan, you…you don’t want to miss your flight.”

 

 Tomoyo slowly let go, though she yearned to hold her just a little

 bit longer. Instead, she spoke in a voice that sounded so very far

 away, “Hai. Sayonara, Sakura-chan.” She moved away and turned to go,

 forcing every step that took her farther and farther away from her

 one, true love. She glanced back and saw Sakura, smiling through a

 tear-streaked face, waving goodbye. Tomoyo paused, hesitant, her

 heart pounding wildly. She nearly ran back to those gentle arms, but

 instead rushed down the boarding ramp, fumbling for her ticket in a

 haze of tears. 

 

 Sakura watched her go, then walked to a picture window overlooking

 the runway. Somehow, she made it until Tomoyo was gone. She stood in

 shock as the boarding ramp slowly swung away from Tomoyo’s plane.

 Dimly she heard the engines roar to life. Pressing her face against

 the glass, she whimpered like a forgotten child, “Please don’t go.

 Please, Tomoyo-chan. Please don’t go.” 

 

 As if in a dream, the enormous jet slowly began to pull away. Sakura

 gazed up at the blue sky and whispered, “In a few minutes she’ll be

 there, in a beautiful place in the sky.” The odd words echoed in her

 head, and suddenly a deluge of memories burst upon her: a little

 child sobbing in bed, a frighteningly empty chair at a dinning table,

 and a brother, her brother, quietly explaining, 

 

 “She’s up there now, in a beautiful place in the sky.”

 

 Slowly shaking her head, Sakura moaned softly and began to cry

 again. Her brave front finally collapsed in a torrent of weeping as

 she covered her face with bandaged hands. Heads turned to the wailing

 young woman who sobbed hysterically and staggered into the Ladies’

 Room. Her hapless cries reverberated as Tomoyo’s plane, aloft at

 last, gained altitude for the long flight home.