1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/dearsakura-12.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,396 @@
     1.4 +Dear Sakura
     1.5 +by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
     1.6 +amazonessduo@hotmail.com
     1.7 +pearsong1954@yahoo.com
     1.8 +
     1.9 +“I’m sorry I kept you up all night dancing, Tomoyo-chan. I hope
    1.10 +you’re not too tired.”  Sakura cast a concerned look as she unlocked
    1.11 +the front door. Tomoyo smiled a cheerful response, 
    1.12 +
    1.13 +“Oh, no, Sakura-chan, I feel absolutely wonderful. Thank you for
    1.14 +such a lovely evening, and such a lovely visit.”
    1.15 +
    1.16 +As the door swung open Sakura nodded distractedly and thought,
    1.17 +“That’s right, the visit is almost over now.” She hid her grimace
    1.18 +from Tomoyo and tried to bring her emotions under control. Buffeted
    1.19 +all evening long, swinging between the sheer bliss of being with
    1.20 +Tomoyo and the black despair of knowing she would soon be gone,
    1.21 +Sakura felt sickeningly dizzy. Sakura sensed the turmoil deep within
    1.22 +her stirring again, but sealed it away and ignore it. She didn’t want
    1.23 +to break down again in front of Tomoyo. It wasn’t fair to ruin her
    1.24 +beautiful trip by making her sad. After all, Tomoyo bore the weight
    1.25 +of her secret love without complaint. Rather than trouble the one she
    1.26 +loved, the pale girl chose to silently suffer for the sake of their
    1.27 +happiness. In all their years together, Sakura could never remember a
    1.28 +complaint, an accusation, or an angry question from Tomoyo about the
    1.29 +true love that neglected her so. She carried her pain with an easy
    1.30 +grace, as if it were a burden lighter than a feather. Sakura felt a
    1.31 +flash of anger at whoever it was that ignored her best friend’s love.
    1.32 +How could they be so blind? How could they live in ignorance of that
    1.33 +vibrant, overflowing love? It seemed terribly unfair that someone so
    1.34 +sweet and good should be condemned to a life of loneliness. But never
    1.35 +a word did Tomoyo speak against them, or even about her pain. “Well”,
    1.36 +Sakura resolved, “if she can do it for years, I can do it for a few
    1.37 +hours. Until she leaves.” But that thought brought a new wave of
    1.38 +distress that pushed her to the brink of tears. She glanced at Tomoyo
    1.39 +as they neared the guest room door, then blurted out in a tense voice,
    1.40 +
    1.41 +“Tomoyo-chan, I need to go to my room for a minute, but if you need
    1.42 +help packing…”
    1.43 +
    1.44 +Tomoyo looked at the woman who stood by her and sensed an inner
    1.45 +torment. She longed to be with her for just a few moments more, but
    1.46 +instead smiled and politely replied,
    1.47 +
    1.48 +“I’ll be fine, Sakura-chan. I’m nearly packed as it is. I’ll see you
    1.49 +a little later, then.” Sakura gazed at her with a haunted look,
    1.50 +nodded quickly, and then all but ran down the hall. Tomoyo stood
    1.51 +alone in the dark and trembled. Breathing deeply, she prayed her
    1.52 +heart be still, then opened the door and turned on the light. She
    1.53 +rested her hand on the dark wood of the wall, fingers lightly tracing
    1.54 +the exquisite carvings of birds and flowers. With a little sigh she
    1.55 +pulled her suitcase from the closet and opened it up on the floor.
    1.56 +Raising the lid of the little chest that held her clothing, she
    1.57 +breathed in the sweet scent of cedar. “Cedar is for memory,” she
    1.58 +whispered aloud. Where was that quote from, she wondered? Shaking her
    1.59 +head and smiling, she thought of all the memories she would carry
    1.60 +back to Japan from her wonderful second trip to Hong Kong. 
    1.61 +
    1.62 +She packed away the dress she had worn when Sakura greeted her at
    1.63 +the airport, practically bowling her over with enthusiasm. Holding
    1.64 +onto Sakura in that busy throng, she felt as if the rest of the world
    1.65 +had ceased to exist. To see her again after four long months, months
    1.66 +that dragged on like years, had been a dream fulfilled. She carefully
    1.67 +tucked away the gorgeous red cheongsam that Ieran-sama had insisted
    1.68 +she keep. She felt the fine silk and traced the little bumps of
    1.69 +embroidered gold with her fingertip. Tomoyo had earnestly protested
    1.70 +that such a gift was priceless, and she could not possibly accept it.
    1.71 +But Ieran-sama only laughed, and told her that no one could ever look
    1.72 +as good in it as she. On top of the dress in a little plastic bag she
    1.73 +placed a few golden trinkets that had adorned her hair, and
    1.74 +blushingly remembered the look in Fanren’s eyes as she bid her
    1.75 +goodnight after the banquet. Contemplating the gray and black
    1.76 +swimsuit, finally dry on its hanger, Tomoyo giddily recalled swimming
    1.77 +with Sakura. She closed her eyes as her mind echoed with the
    1.78 +sensation of Sakura's firm but gentle arms holding her as they swam
    1.79 +in the warm water. She peeked at her little clock to check the time,
    1.80 +and wondered where her friend was. “Maybe she’s fallen asleep,”
    1.81 +Tomoyo giggled to herself, “I guess even genki Card Mistresses have
    1.82 +to rest sometime.” 
    1.83 +
    1.84 +Still, the room felt empty without her, and Tomoyo wished she were
    1.85 +there. Gazing at the clothing in her half-packed suitcase, she
    1.86 +wondered if these memories were truly enough. Can I live with just
    1.87 +memories, but not her? Before this trip she would have replied with a
    1.88 +resounding yes. To have such precious moments to savor would have
    1.89 +seemed a bounty beyond compare. But now, they were pale reminders of
    1.90 +the indescribable joy of simply being with her. She had seen such
    1.91 +wonderful sights on this trip, but none of them compared to sitting
    1.92 +by Sakura and holding her hand. 
    1.93 +
    1.94 +Out of the fragrant cedar chest came her cyan nightgown. She held it
    1.95 +up and recalled Sakura brushing her hair with long, sensuous strokes,
    1.96 +delicate fingers lightly caressing her shoulder and neck. She
    1.97 +remembered sitting in the garden, gazing at Sakura’s face glowing in
    1.98 +the moonlight, and how her eyes caught that glow and shone with an
    1.99 +emerald fire. She remembered crying in her arms, the pain and longing
   1.100 +finally too much to bear without tears. And with feverish intensity
   1.101 +she remembered their kiss, her very first kiss, and the flood of
   1.102 +tender, passionate love between them. For an electric instant her
   1.103 +soul joined with Sakura’s in that magical garden under the August
   1.104 +moon. Tomoyo felt Sakura’s love there as never before. It surprised
   1.105 +and delighted her then, and confused and delighted her now. And
   1.106 +sitting on the floor in the guest room, holding that soft cyan
   1.107 +nightgown to her breast, a realization struck Tomoyo with forceful
   1.108 +suddenness: Sakura had changed.
   1.109 +
   1.110 +In all their years growing up together, Sakura had been much the
   1.111 +same as the sweet, genki girl she first met in third grade. True, she
   1.112 +had developed into a beautiful woman, and perhaps was a bit less
   1.113 +hyper as she grew older. But all in all, she was still Sakura. Yet
   1.114 +something now was very different, and Tomoyo searched her heart to
   1.115 +understand just what. There had been hints in the letters and the
   1.116 +phone calls. Sometimes she sensed a loss of confidence, a hesitant
   1.117 +uncertainty. But Sakura had seen her way through moments like that
   1.118 +before, always emerging triumphantly with captured Clow Card, or
   1.119 +husband, in hand. Sometimes in her writing Sakura had seemed sad and
   1.120 +lonely, but surely this was natural as she adjusted to a new life in
   1.121 +a strange city, far away from family and friends. No, it was not
   1.122 +until they sat together in the garden that Tomoyo had really noticed.
   1.123 +Sakura had always liked her, and treasured her as a best friend. But
   1.124 +there, in that garden, the pale woman felt Sakura’s love as never
   1.125 +before. It was not a mere kiss, or a touch, or a glance that was
   1.126 +different, for these were but outward signs. What had changed was her
   1.127 +love. What was once a tender affection was now a passionate longing
   1.128 +that seemingly knew no bounds. Tomoyo felt exhilaration and
   1.129 +apprehension as she realized what had once seemed impossible. Closing
   1.130 +her eyes, she shuddered sweetly at the thought: her love is like my
   1.131 +love.
   1.132 +
   1.133 +Her heart raced as she carefully folded the nightgown and placed it
   1.134 +in the suitcase. Long ago Eriol had remarked on her perceptive
   1.135 +nature, and she knew he was right. She could read hearts as if they
   1.136 +were open books, with all their fragile secrets hers to see. Her kind
   1.137 +and loving nature blended well with this gift, for she would never
   1.138 +bring harm to another, or use her knowledge to manipulate and
   1.139 +control. Sometimes, though, she would gently nudge, or drop a hint,
   1.140 +or help a heart along the path it yearned for. She had seen Sayoran's
   1.141 +love for Sakura bloom like a trembling flower, and helped nurture it
   1.142 +when she realized Sakura's love for the Chinese Sorcerer. Such a
   1.143 +course carried no small onus of pain, but for Sakura's sake she
   1.144 +persevered, and was rewarded with the Card Mistress' joy on her
   1.145 +wedding day. Not that she had seen all of it, of course. But Sakura
   1.146 +was happy, and what else mattered? But then, if she was now happily
   1.147 +married, how to explain her wonderful, baffling love for Tomoyo? 
   1.148 +
   1.149 +Gazing out the window of the garden and listening to birds greeting
   1.150 +the morning sun, Tomoyo frowned thoughtfully. At first, she had
   1.151 +dismissed Sakura's love as simple nostalgia for her life in Japan. It
   1.152 +was hard to grow up, to leave behind the easy joys of childhood. But
   1.153 +Sakura's love went far beyond the bounds of anything that Tomoyo had
   1.154 +sensed before. Either it was something entirely new, or something
   1.155 +long buried that had recently been uncovered. What would cause such a
   1.156 +thing? Sakura seemed happy in her marriage, though Sayoran's absence
   1.157 +during her visit seemed odd. Tomoyo was puzzled by the man’s
   1.158 +behavior. How could anyone be married to such a bright and lovely
   1.159 +spirit and not want to be with her all the time? Even the few times
   1.160 +she had seen him around her, he seemed distant, appearing more out of
   1.161 +obligation than choice. Of course, that was Syaoran. He was reserved
   1.162 +and painfully shy. But surely, underneath it all, he loved her. He
   1.163 +had to. How could anyone not love her? Perhaps he loved her, but not
   1.164 +the same way as Tomoyo. But then, could anyone love Sakura the way
   1.165 +she did? That wasn't fair to Sayoran, to compare his love to hers.
   1.166 +Shaking her head, Tomoyo suddenly felt exhausted. With a smile she
   1.167 +thought, "Around her, I'm never tired. She has enough energy for both
   1.168 +of us."
   1.169 +
   1.170 +Tomoyo returned to packing. With a sigh, she gently placed the dress
   1.171 +from her almost-date into the suitcase. Dancing with Sakura! Did it
   1.172 +really happen, or was it just the sweetest of dreams? Holding her
   1.173 +close, swaying softly to the music, feeling the soft warmth of her
   1.174 +body under the shimmering silk. Tomoyo blushed scarlet and hugged
   1.175 +herself tightly. And then, that kiss. Tomoyo's fingers rested lightly
   1.176 +on her lips as she remembered the eager longing of Sakura's sudden
   1.177 +passion. Even the memory of it left her breathless. If I never see
   1.178 +her again, she thought, I’ll always have that kiss. 
   1.179 +
   1.180 +With a little sigh, she snapped shut the suitcase and glanced at the
   1.181 +clock. Done, and it’s almost time to leave. Her heart ached with the
   1.182 +finality of it all. But she had resolved that this must be their
   1.183 +final parting. Being together would only lead to pain for them both.
   1.184 +She wondered if she would see Sakura again before leaving, or if
   1.185 +woman had fallen fast asleep. Her heart soared when she heard a light
   1.186 +tapping at the door, and she rushed to open it. In an elated voice
   1.187 +she cried out, “Sakura-chan!”
   1.188 +
   1.189 +She opened the door, and there stood Ieran-sama and Fanren. Hastily
   1.190 +bowing, she felt somehow flustered as the two women entered the room.
   1.191 +As she began her apology, Ieran-sama gently interrupted,
   1.192 +
   1.193 +“I’m certain Sakura-san will be here shortly. Do you need help with
   1.194 +your bags?”
   1.195 +
   1.196 +Tomoyo smiled and shook her head, “No, thank you. I’m all finished
   1.197 +packing now. Oh, but I did have something to give you, if I may.”
   1.198 +Tomoyo took seven perfectly wrapped packages from a little table. One
   1.199 +she gave to Ieran-sama, and one to Fanren. She explained that the
   1.200 +others were for the remaining Li sisters, Syaoran, and Sakura. “They
   1.201 +are nothing special, just little thank-yous for having me here, and
   1.202 +for all of your help and kindness. I’ve had such a wonderful time.”
   1.203 +
   1.204 +Ieran took her package, studying the beautiful wrapping paper and
   1.205 +the intricate bow Tomoyo had tied. She looked at Tomoyo and smiled
   1.206 +warmly as she thanked the young designer, then slipped the package
   1.207 +into the folds of her silken gown. Fanren, with less patience, had
   1.208 +eagerly torn open the wrapping of her own present and was admiring a
   1.209 +beautiful jade pin in the shape of a dragonfly. With child-like glee
   1.210 +she exclaimed,
   1.211 +
   1.212 +“Tomoyo-chan, it’s lovely! Thank you so very much!” With that she
   1.213 +hugged Tomoyo tightly, practically sweeping the slender woman off her
   1.214 +feet. Tomoyo blushed, then smiled and hugged back. Finally, she bowed
   1.215 +and spoke in her musical voice, 
   1.216 +
   1.217 +“Thank you again for everything. But perhaps I should finish
   1.218 +dressing before the limousine arrives?”
   1.219 +
   1.220 +Ieran smiled and bowed, then gently tugged on Fanren’s sleeve,
   1.221 +bringing the woman out of her Tomoyo-induced fog. Closing the door,
   1.222 +Ieran turned and walked down the dark hallway. Fanren followed, and
   1.223 +in a rueful voice whispered, 
   1.224 +
   1.225 +“Mother, I think I’m in love.”
   1.226 +
   1.227 +Ieran-sama suppressed a grin at her daughter’s half-kidding
   1.228 +confession. Signaling a servant to go help Tomoyo carry her bags, she
   1.229 +wondered to herself, “Who could possibly know that girl and not fall
   1.230 +in love?”    
   1.231 +
   1.232 + Tomoyo, dressed in the long, chiffon, copper-russet dress she had
   1.233 +bought at Matsizakaya, waited by the driveway as the limousine pulled
   1.234 +up. She felt a twinge of disappointment as she scanned the house for
   1.235 +Sakura. Looking at the mansion one last time, she entered the
   1.236 +spacious back seat of the limousine and heard a voice shout out,
   1.237 +
   1.238 +“Wait! Tomoyo-chan, don’t go yet!” As a breathless Sakura tumbled
   1.239 +into the car beside her, Tomoyo felt a surge of exhilaration. She
   1.240 +looked at her panting friend and spoke in a merry voice,
   1.241 +
   1.242 +“Sakura-chan, I was afraid you might have fallen asleep.” Then,
   1.243 +noticing the numerous band-aids on her hands, Tomoyo gasped out, “Oh,
   1.244 +Sakura-chan, are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?”  Gently took
   1.245 +her friend’s hands in her own and stared at with fearful eyes.
   1.246 +Looking embarrassed, Sakura replied with forced laughter,
   1.247 +
   1.248 +“Oh, hah-hah, it’s nothing, really. Just my usual clumsy self. I’m
   1.249 +fine, really I am.” But despite her protestations, she happily left
   1.250 +her hands in Tomoyo’s. Tomoyo calmed down, but still regarded her
   1.251 +friend with a worried look. Sakura smiled and apologized,
   1.252 +
   1.253 +“I’m sorry I wasn’t with you. But I had to do something before you
   1.254 +left. Oh, and Ieran-sama wanted me to give you this.” Sakura gave her
   1.255 +a small package, which Tomoyo slipped into her carry-on bag. Sakura
   1.256 +slumped back into the plush seat of the limousine, still holding her
   1.257 +hand. With a gentle squeeze, Tomoyo spoke in a cheery voice,
   1.258 +
   1.259 +“It’s all right, Sakura-chan. I’m just happy you’re here now. Thank
   1.260 +you so much for having me. It was the most wonderful vacation I could
   1.261 +ever have had.”
   1.262 +
   1.263 +Sakura gazed back, smiling, brushing away her auburn hair with
   1.264 +bandaged fingers. With a happy sigh, she replied,
   1.265 +
   1.266 +“This was the most wonderful time I’ve ever had, Tomoyo-chan. But
   1.267 +the best thing about it was just being with you.”
   1.268 +
   1.269 +Tomoyo felt a warm glow in her heart as Sakura spoke. Her voice
   1.270 +masked her emotions as she spoke again liltingly, “I’m sure Sakura-
   1.271 +chan will have many more wonderful times in all the magical years to
   1.272 +come.” For several minutes there was only silence as the limousine
   1.273 +snaked it’s way through the heavy traffic. The pale woman felt the
   1.274 +grip on her hand tighten, and sensed her companion’s edginess.
   1.275 +Finally, Sakura spoke up in a quiet voice,
   1.276 +
   1.277 +“Tomoyo-chan, I hope you’ll be able to come again sometime. Sometime
   1.278 +soon.”
   1.279 +
   1.280 +Tomoyo felt a chill as she thought, no, please Sakura, please don’t.
   1.281 +We can’t. Staring straight ahead, she responded with forced
   1.282 +casualness,
   1.283 +
   1.284 +“I hope so, too.”
   1.285 +
   1.286 +Silence. Sakura turned and looked out the window at the city
   1.287 +skyline, or the other cars, or perhaps nothing much at all. In a
   1.288 +hesitant, whispery voice she asked,
   1.289 +
   1.290 +“When do you think you might be able to come again?”
   1.291 +
   1.292 +“Sakura-chan, I’m really not sure. It will be busy before the
   1.293 +Christmas season, and then there are all the projects for the New
   1.294 +Year, and….”
   1.295 +
   1.296 +Her voice trailed away as she fought back the tears. It sounded so
   1.297 +awful, as if her work was more important than Sakura. How could she
   1.298 +say such a thing? But she couldn’t do this again, she just couldn’t.
   1.299 +Seeing Sakura was tearing her soul apart, and could ruin Sakura’s
   1.300 +marriage and beautiful new life. For Sakura’s sake, and her own, she
   1.301 +had to say good-bye. She had to. Tomoyo turned to the window and
   1.302 +choked back a sob. Then she felt Sakura squeeze her hand tightly, and
   1.303 +heard a wistful voice,
   1.304 +
   1.305 +“It’s all right Tomoyo-chan, I understand. I’m sorry. I know that
   1.306 +we’ll be together again someday.”
   1.307 +
   1.308 +As the limousine pulled up to the airport’s departing area, Tomoyo
   1.309 +felt queasy and weak. She didn’t want to end her trip like this. She
   1.310 +didn’t want this to be the final memory seared into her heart. But
   1.311 +her masks were lost, and the words wouldn’t come. It was all she
   1.312 +could do to keep from crying. Then she heard a voice, genki and
   1.313 +strong, that filled the cold parts of her with summer sunshine,
   1.314 +
   1.315 +“We’re here, Tomoyo-chan. Come on, you don’t want to miss your
   1.316 +flight!”
   1.317 +
   1.318 +Startled, she turned around and saw Sakura’s bright, beaming smile.
   1.319 +Relieved, she smiled back, and the two rushed hand-in-hand down the
   1.320 +JAL concourse. Arriving at the gate, Sakura bowed and spoke in a
   1.321 +voice that was happy and sad all at once,
   1.322 +
   1.323 +“Arigato gozaimasu, Tomoyo-chan. I was so happy to see you again.
   1.324 +Have a wonderful flight back, and give my love to your Mother.”
   1.325 +
   1.326 +Tomoyo bowed and resisted the urge to embrace her beautiful friend,
   1.327 +“Arigato gozaimasu, Sakura-chan. Thank you for everything. Sayonara.”
   1.328 +
   1.329 +As she turned reluctantly to go, she heard a whispery voice calling
   1.330 +her back, “Tomoyo-chan. Please.”
   1.331 +
   1.332 +She turned and saw Sakura with her head bowed, offering a hastily
   1.333 +wrapped package tied with lavender ribbons. Her voice brimming with
   1.334 +emotion, Sakura said,
   1.335 +
   1.336 +“Tomoyo-chan, I’ve felt so bad for so long that you were never able
   1.337 +to have this from your special someone. I’m sorry it’s not very good.
   1.338 +I’m not very good at sewing, and I was sort of in a rush. I know your
   1.339 +true love, if he knew, would do so much better. But since he can’t, I
   1.340 +wanted to give you this from him.”
   1.341 +
   1.342 +Stunned, Tomoyo stood motionless. Finally, she reached out and took
   1.343 +the soft package from Sakura’s trembling hands. Then she took the
   1.344 +woman into her arms, her own tears flowing freely. Holding one
   1.345 +another, the two friends clung together in their own world of grief
   1.346 +and joy. Tomoyo desperately wanted to speak, to tell Sakura just how
   1.347 +much she really loved her. But it would be too cruel, so she wept in
   1.348 +silence. Finally, Sakura whispered raggedly,
   1.349 +
   1.350 +“Tomoyo-chan, you…you don’t want to miss your flight.”
   1.351 +
   1.352 +Tomoyo slowly let go, though she yearned to hold her just a little
   1.353 +bit longer. Instead, she spoke in a voice that sounded so very far
   1.354 +away, “Hai. Sayonara, Sakura-chan.” She moved away and turned to go,
   1.355 +forcing every step that took her farther and farther away from her
   1.356 +one, true love. She glanced back and saw Sakura, smiling through a
   1.357 +tear-streaked face, waving goodbye. Tomoyo paused, hesitant, her
   1.358 +heart pounding wildly. She nearly ran back to those gentle arms, but
   1.359 +instead rushed down the boarding ramp, fumbling for her ticket in a
   1.360 +haze of tears. 
   1.361 +
   1.362 +Sakura watched her go, then walked to a picture window overlooking
   1.363 +the runway. Somehow, she made it until Tomoyo was gone. She stood in
   1.364 +shock as the boarding ramp slowly swung away from Tomoyo’s plane.
   1.365 +Dimly she heard the engines roar to life. Pressing her face against
   1.366 +the glass, she whimpered like a forgotten child, “Please don’t go.
   1.367 +Please, Tomoyo-chan. Please don’t go.” 
   1.368 +
   1.369 +As if in a dream, the enormous jet slowly began to pull away. Sakura
   1.370 +gazed up at the blue sky and whispered, “In a few minutes she’ll be
   1.371 +there, in a beautiful place in the sky.” The odd words echoed in her
   1.372 +head, and suddenly a deluge of memories burst upon her: a little
   1.373 +child sobbing in bed, a frighteningly empty chair at a dinning table,
   1.374 +and a brother, her brother, quietly explaining, 
   1.375 +
   1.376 +“She’s up there now, in a beautiful place in the sky.”
   1.377 +
   1.378 +Slowly shaking her head, Sakura moaned softly and began to cry
   1.379 +again. Her brave front finally collapsed in a torrent of weeping as
   1.380 +she covered her face with bandaged hands. Heads turned to the wailing
   1.381 +young woman who sobbed hysterically and staggered into the Ladies’
   1.382 +Room. Her hapless cries reverberated as Tomoyo’s plane, aloft at
   1.383 +last, gained altitude for the long flight home. 
   1.384 +
   1.385 +
   1.386 +
   1.387 +
   1.388 +
   1.389 +        
   1.390 +   
   1.391 +
   1.392 + 
   1.393 +
   1.394 + 
   1.395 +
   1.396 +  
   1.397 +
   1.398 +
   1.399 +