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+Title: Happy Years
+Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew
+Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de
+Status: Alpha
+Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
+Rating: PG-13
+Category: Romance, a tad bit darkish
+Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo
+Timeline: Sequel to "The Different Path"
+Summary: Tomoyo reflects on the changes in her lives and the
+experiences she had in her relationship with the "older" Sakura and
+how the consequences of Sakura's wish begin to catch up with them.
+Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com),
+ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), Moonlit
+Nights (http://jrem.net/moonlit/tsFics.html) others may follow. If you
+like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm not likely to put
+stones in your way, but I like to know where it goes.
+Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically
+involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing,
+turn around and leave now.
+Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted
+companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline.
+Story Disclaimer: Happy Years(c)2003 by Matthias Engel
+******************************
+Foreword
+This is going to be the sequel to The Different Path. I firmed my
+decision meanwhile that this will tie in with an idea I had for
+another Sailormoon story. For now there is no visible connection but
+they will flow together eventually when I get to the main story. But
+that probably is still in the future.
+For now, this was prompted a little by one of the reviews I got,
+wondering how Tomoyo's reaction to all this would be. This is a bit
+free after the concept "Scenes of the rest of their life" or something
+like that. The story will be done in diary format with several short
+and some longer entries... we'll see, I never know this in advance. :)
+******************************
+Happy Years
+Based on the works of CLAMP
+Story Concept by Matthias Engel
+******************************
+<From the diary of Daidouji Tomoyo, aptly named "Sakura Musings">
+April 13, 1994
+	Dear Diary.
+	It has been awhile that I wrote in here and I'm sorry for
+leaving you at such a crucial point where my dear Sakura seemed to be
+just inches away from confessing her love to Syaoran. The reason why I
+didn't get to write in here lately is that something really incredible
+happened. Something so incredible that it will also effect this diary.
+	For as long as I kept this, I have dedicated these entries
+solely to my one true love. The walking miracle that is Sakura-chan,
+trying to capture my thoughts on the beautiful girl that had captured
+my heart from the first day we met. But now, I can't write about
+Sakura alone anymore because the most joyous, unexpected thing
+happened...
+	But let me begin from the beginning, yes? It was on the day
+Li-kun was going to return home. I had already suspected of course
+that Sakura as was typical of her would only realize her feelings at
+the last moment. Not that I want to say that she is... indecisive.
+Sakura just has a hard time realizing her own feelings but you really
+cannot fault her for that. It is just as I told her a short while ago.
+Peoples hearts are hard to predict - even Eriol-kun said so. And
+usually it is hardest to understand your own heart.
+	But back to what happened. Since Sakura was expected to come to
+her realization a little late, I went and called her early. That was
+when the first odd thing happened. I was actually going to tell her
+about where she could find Li-kun but instead I only reached her
+brother and Touya told me that she was already out...
+	Going back to practice, I had pretty much shrugged it off and
+told myself that it didn't matter. If she managed on her own, all the
+better, even though I would have liked to help. All I ever wanted to
+be was a part of Sakura's life. Before Li-kun came along I used to
+entertain the hope that maybe in the future, when her crush on Yukito
+passed and we were both older, I might actually seize my chance and
+tell her. But it became apparent that Sakura and Syaoran were meant
+for each other and developed feelings that both were reluctant to
+realize and admit to. But that day, when I thought for sure that it
+would be Syaoran she would ultimately choose as her special person, I
+had to realize that with all that I deemed to know about Sakura, a
+person can neither predict someone's else hearts accordingly. I
+learned that sometimes if you think you know someone else's heart, you
+might end up surprised.
+	Back to events. It was near the end of our next practice session
+that I noticed someone watching me. You know that prickling feeling at
+the base of your neck? It got stronger and stronger and it filled me
+with almost giddy anticipation although I couldn't fathom why. I had
+ignored it for awhile, concentrating on the practice. However, it
+became too much and I finally glanced towards the entrance and there
+was Sakura.
+	I was so totally baffled I almost missed the next several notes.
+I would have bet all my insurance - and that is after all plenty -
+that she would have been with Li-kun at that moment. It was about the
+time when his bus left for the airport after all... I don't think
+Sakura ever managed to confuse like this before. I thought I knew my
+best friend and secret love so well but her appearance had totally
+thrown my belief for a loop.
+	But that was not the only surprise I should get. Approaching her
+in the pause, I immediately realized that something was different
+about her. Outwardly she seemed to be the same person but inside there
+was something so completely different that it startled me for a
+moment. I briefly entertained the notion that it might be Mirror or
+Illusion but was pretty sure that I would notice that. It was still
+Sakura, just... different... somehow.
+	Then Sakura told me she saw Syaoran off - as expected - and
+confessed that she does love him. I couldn't help but feel a little
+disappointed for a brief moment. When I saw her standing there, I
+hadn't been able to help the thought, the hope that maybe... But that
+was crazy, illogical, Sakura and Syaoran were meant for each other and
+Sakura would be happy with him... Or so I immediately told myself
+again.
+	That was when Sakura really shocked me. While she loves Syaoran,
+there is a person that she loves equally but who needs her more.
+Syaoran isn't necessary to give her life meaning and neither is she
+for Syaoran's life. That is how she put it. Then she told me she
+couldn't live without me, though, and asked me if I could live without
+her.
+	Of course the question was silly, needed no answer and I believe
+Sakura had not expected one. But when her words finally sank in... I
+can't describe how I feel because I'm not sure if there are words
+existing in any written or spoken language that properly can describe
+my feelings in that moment and the ones that followed. I barely
+managed to find my voice in order to respond, asking what exactly she
+meant by that. Of course, the question was rhetorical. That spark of
+hope at seeing Sakura standing there, watching me sing, had exploded
+from a tiny star into a full-fledged super nova. The meaning of her
+words had been all too clear, yet the emotions suddenly welling up
+from deep inside me were overwhelming and hindered my thought process
+a lot.
+	Sakura told me she wants me - ME - to be her special person and
+gave me a teddy bear.
+	God, I was sure my heart would stop beating right there, frozen
+in this moment of perfect bliss.
+	But it didn't, thankfully, because I would surely have regretted
+if it did. Hearing these three words from Sakura, spoken honestly and
+with clear conviction behind them was a gift I would cherish forever.
+Oh, how I had longed for this moment. It hadn't mattered right then
+that Sakura might be a little different and it still doesn't matter.
+Nothing really mattered then and right now. Okaasan says I am
+"deliriously happy" nowadays. But who can forbid me that? Sakura loves
+me as much as I love her. Her beautiful, kind heart has chosen me to
+claim that special place only reserved for one person. How can I not
+be "deliriously happy" then?
+	It had been only later in the day that I found out exactly what
+had made Sakura change her mind and what is so different about her.
+The experience was quite shocking itself. Apparently Sakura had been
+traveling back in time by capturing a hidden Clow Card. She hasn't
+told me any details about the future she left yet and I won't pry. It
+is painfully obvious that whatever dire reason she had for this
+action, whatever had happened in the future, saddened her. It is in
+her eyes. When she thinks I'm not watching her - what I do most of the
+time anyway. There is something...haunted there. It pains me to know
+that my dearest Sakura had to go through such hardships in her time
+and would give everything to know how to take that pain away. But I
+will let her decide when she wants to tell me everything. For now what
+she told me that day at choir practice turns out to be the truth. She
+is beginning to be happy, more her old self again. I can tell it will
+be a long path though and by now everyone close to Sakura has noticed
+some changes but only a few seem concerned. Sakura told me that she
+could be happy now that she is with me. And she is happy. Genuinely
+happy. And I am the one that makes her happy!
+	So, what does that mean for this diary? Well, it is not going to
+be solely dedicated to my beloved anymore. Now that she has proposed
+to share her life with me, I will make this diary a dedication to OUR
+relationship. OUR. I still can hardly believe all this and if you ask
+me now about my exact thoughts, I think I am still not ready to form
+any remotely coherent ones.
+	It is becoming late, I will write in here some more at a later
+point.
+******************************
+May 6, 1994
+	Yes, I've said I write earlier but a lot of things happened.
+Well, not that much but more like what happened has kept us very busy.
+While I never was opposed to the idea of coming out I am surprised at
+how fast it is happening. Interestingly neither Sakura's family nor my
+mother were really surprised at finding out Sakura had chosen me
+instead of Li-kun. I suspected at much but it still manages to make me
+happy. The least I wished was to cause Sakura any more trouble. It is
+apparently hard enough for her to deal with her time travel... aside
+from complaining about having to go back to school and learn all that
+boring stuff again! (she's so cute when she pouts!). No, the
+transition seems not to be an easy one, especially on an emotional
+level. Sakura is almost clingy ever since confessing to me. Not that I
+mind, definitely not. But it worries me. It's almost like she expects
+me to disappear any moment. By now, even without her telling me, I
+become firmed in my belief that whatever happened in her time must
+have included my and probably the others' deaths as well. My heart
+aches at how much pain I sometimes seem in her eyes and since we are
+sleeping over a lot I have woken more than once finding Sakura shaking
+with a nightmare. I wish I could take them all away but that's one
+thing I can't do. All there is left for me is to be there for the one
+girl I love and help her forget about the trauma that has driven her
+here and into my waiting arms.
+	Mind you, that sounds like she's a frightened wreck but that
+isn't the impression I want to give you. Those moments are rare and
+mostly private. Sakura is most comfortably opening up to me and that
+display of trust makes me love her even more... if that is even
+possible. Yet, the change is becoming obvious to anyone close to
+Sakura. As much as she tries to "act her age", this Sakura IS far more
+mature and the weight of her heavy past (or future, whatever way you
+want to look at it) doesn't allow her to completely fall back into her
+innocent self.
+	Do I love her less because of that? If you know me, you
+shouldn't even be asking that question. Even if she's older mentally
+and far from the innocent cheerleader that managed to capture my heart
+within a second of meeting her, she is still Sakura. There is
+something unique about her. Actually, there are many things unique
+about her. Like her big heart that seems to be big enough to include
+anyone who wants to have a part of it... and even those who don't. Or
+her fierce determination when she gets an idea in her head. Right now
+I am experiencing a whole new dimension of that determination all
+focused on me. It often leaves me overwhelmed thinking alone that
+Sakura's genki spirit will now always be focused on me and my needs.
+She's constantly getting me things, asking me what I want to do when
+all I really need is her. But Sakura is persistent about making me as
+happy as possible. And I am as happy as possible. Really, I am.
+	It appears I have come a little off topic. I was talking about
+her families reaction. Quite frankly if there had been any surprise,
+it would have been on my part if they actually had been surprised.
+Touya-san is always so observant and looks out for his sister. He
+never liked Syaoran much for some reason. I always thought it might be
+that on some level he wanted to keep Sakura close to him. Sometimes I
+wish I had such a protective brother. However, he seemed rather
+pleased after admitting to our relationship.
+	Sakura's father, Fujitaka, didn't seem overly surprised either.
+He just smiled and said he is happy for us and that we will surely
+take good care of each other. I suppose since he experienced the
+affection between his wife and my mother, it must have been rather
+hard even for me to hide my feelings - not that I tried very hard.
+Both he and Sakura's brother seemed just a little surprised at the
+suddenness though. Especially since it had been apparent lately that
+Sakura would choose Li-kun... Neither of them asked about this though
+or about Sakura's weird mood (she is a lot quieter these days).
+	Anyway, that leaves my mother. Well, Sakura is almost scared of
+her now, I think. About the way she's going on about how happy she is
+that we are in love and that we make such an adorable couple. Of
+course, her older mind must have figured out what happened between her
+and Nadeshiko by now but I must admit even I find my mother a little
+intimidating at times when she speaks about her late love (especially
+in association with Sakura's father)... and Okaasan is practically as
+fond of Sakura as she is/was of her own mother.
+	Our families aren't the only ones that know though. Sakura's
+public confession at choir was clear enough. Even if not everyone
+heard what was said, within the days talk around school had managed to
+make it pretty much clear to anyone. Rika, Chiharu and Naoko seemed a
+little surprised but otherwise were more or less alright with it. I
+think they are more baffled that Sakura's scores have become as high
+as mine and Rika's...
+	Apart from that everything is fine. We cannot complain, despite
+all those little things. I am sure, given time, Sakura will get over
+her experiences and settle into her new life. It still warms my heart
+to think that she felt obligated enough to choose me for that purpose
+and not Syaoran. I don't doubt her one minute when she says she really
+loves me. It's obvious in every action lately, there is no way someone
+can play that. Besides, Sakura has always been a very honest person, I
+am sure she wouldn't lie to me - or anyone - about such an important
+matter. No, Sakura and I are happy and I intend to keep it that way,
+forever if Sakura wants me to.
+******************************
+May 20, 1994
+	We had our first real date today and it was a glorious event! We
+hadn't had found time to actually do something like this until now.
+Okay, if you read this you might say that we are just eleven... Normal
+kids don't have dates at this age. True, I suppose. The thing is I am
+quite aware of some of the other kids at school saying how mature I
+often act and I won't argue with them there if they'd ever directly
+ask me. That has nothing to do with arrogance. It is more a
+good-natured confidence in my abilities. I have always had an
+excellent learning ability. Okaasan says that sometimes she thinks I
+have some sort of eidetic memory. I wouldn't go so far since then I
+doubt I would have to study at all for some subjects. No, I have
+always liked learning new things and ever since meeting Sakura I
+wanted to learn even more to help this magnificent creature through
+life. I realized quickly back then that for all her enigmatic
+abilities she was often a tad bit... na�ve (I really don't like that
+word) and would need guidance in some areas and in others would need
+to be sheltered. Like a beautiful but fragile flower that will die
+quickly if not constantly kept in the right environment.
+	To shorten all that. I guess I have always been a little
+precocious.
+	As for Sakura. Well, she isn't the innocent girl anymore anyone
+knew. The other children have more or less gotten used to it but they
+seem a little... "weird out" to quote Sakura herself. That was to be
+expected too, though. No, given that in her mind Sakura was already
+seven years older than me, I believe you can grant her the right to go
+out on dates, right? I think she's having a harder time with some
+things about being little again than she lets on. I mean, I can hardly
+begin to comprehend what it has to feel like, suddenly being younger
+again, with a full recollection of being almost an adult. Must be
+really weird. I am helping her as much as I can and am amazed again
+and again every day at Sakura's ability to let her self be loved but
+also at giving back this love. I have never felt so... important
+before in my life. Why it is true that I am probably one of the
+smartest girls in my age class - Sakura not withstanding (but she has
+seven years in advance of me, technically) -, I can hardly say that I
+had much friends or other such social contact outside of occasional
+choir practice before coming to Tomoeda and meeting Sakura.
+	Meeting Sakura has been a blessing and that is why I will be
+eternally grateful and why I would never dream of rejecting her just
+because she's... different now. My love is hers forever and always.
+After all Rika-san is seeing someone older too (I have a suspicion
+Sakura knows from the looks she gives her sometimes but she won't
+tell), so why should it be different for me? Sakura is still Sakura.
+Seven years of life experience and maturity have not really destroyed
+what I love about her. Certainly not. There is a lot of sadness and
+pain but it is dulling, I can tell, and that is bound to have some
+effects on her personality. Like she's quieter, calmer, more serious.
+However, I have witnessed enough moments already that show that Sakura
+is still able to let go and simply enjoy the moment.
+	No, I won't... I can't love her any less. This is all a part of
+Sakura now. Besides, the new level of maturity doesn't only have
+negative effects. At times I actually find myself liking the older
+Sakura a little more since we are now able to communicate on a higher
+level. Not that she's suddenly become a genius but she certainly does
+know a lot more about life in general as the Sakura before the fateful
+day at choir practice. I will forever cherish her innocent self, yet I
+know it is not completely lost. In time I am sure she will be a lot
+like the old Sakura again. I'll take her any way she wants to be, that
+is for sure.
+	But I've been getting away from the point. I actually wanted to
+talk about the date! You see how much she is affecting me already,
+normally I would not digress from the point that much. Not that I am
+complaining, mind you.
+	Anyway, it was very beautiful. We had found ourselves a nice,
+sheltered spot at our all time favorite King Penguin park. It had been
+a warm, sunny day, perfect for a picnic for two (Sakura had to
+literally threaten Kero not sneak in and disturb us). I think I must
+have giggled like a little child with joy when Sakura proceeded to use
+Flower and create a bed of Sakura blossoms for us. It was so
+beautiful, so absolutely perfect!
+	We sat there for hours, talking or simply enjoying each others
+company. Sakura seemed to have made it her special duty to make this
+the perfect day for me. I am a little disappointed for not getting
+much to do in return but seeing how happy Sakura was just relaxing,
+being with me, it makes my heart flutter even now. For the first time
+since her time travel I think I finally saw her completely at peace.
+This is a very precious memory to me.
+	And then, as evening drew closer, Sakura somehow managed to find
+the perfect ending. I still can't believe she did that! It was all so
+amazing. I hadn't suspected anything when Sakura told me I had to hold
+tight onto her so that she could show me a special gift. Needing no
+reason to not comply with such a thrilling request, I was caught a
+little off guard than Sakura called for Fly. I had never thought she
+could carry me! (at least not that long) It was a little bit of a
+strain for her, I could tell, but she managed. And if the sheer
+excitement of being carried through the late evening sky hadn't been
+enough, just guess where she set us down!
+	At the top of Tokyo Tower!
+	We sat there for almost an hour, watching the sunset. It was a
+moment straight out of a picture... or maybe more like a famous
+painting. Oh yes, it was a little cold up there but I hardly minded.
+Not to mention that Sakura seemed to have the presence of mind to keep
+up a little fire magic all the time (she really has gotten A LOT
+better).
+	Once again I am not sure I can describe what exactly went
+through me when, close to the end, Sakura whispered to me an
+"Aishiteru" in a voice thick with emotion and followed that up with a
+short but sensual kiss. There is too much that is still waging inside
+of me like a hurricane and it is all too jumbled to put into words,
+nor would words do any of it justice. However, I can tell you for sure
+that if Sakura hadn't held me tightly the whole time, I am sure I
+would have fallen off the support beam we had settled on.
+	I am still so... thrilled! I have been trying to get to sleep
+for almost an hour now to no avail, so I decided to sit down and write
+all this down now rather than tomorrow. However, I am still much too
+excited. I wonder if I get any sleep tonight at all! Sakura is really
+an unique experience and it gets even more special than you are the
+single-most focus of her attention!
+	Dear Diary, I really AM the happiest girl in the world!
+******************************
+April 5, 1997
+	It's been a long time since I wrote in here. Almost three years.
+	Oops.
+	I guess life has simply been too good for me to write down
+anything. I have my tapes after all and all those wonderful memories
+of three wonderful years with Sakura so far which are far more worth
+than any recorded pictures could ever be. I can hardly believe it's
+been that long. We are both in our second year of Junior High now. I
+could tell you so many things now but I think I'd be sitting here all
+night. Well, it's Friday but still...
+	Oh, who am I kidding? There is a reason after all I actually
+remembered having that diary, I thought writing in here again would
+actually help me calm my mind and get things into the right
+perspective. You see, Sakura and I have reached a phase of our
+relationship that probably has to come for any couple one time or
+another. We had our first big fight just five days ago. God, I feel so
+horrible. It was so dumb and unnecessary and... I just... don't know
+what's gotten into me.
+	Maybe I should start from the beginning. I'm not sure where the
+tension really began to build up but I believe it might have been
+since we entered Junior High. There were just slight nuisances,
+beginnings of something that seemed to bother Sakura greatly. Tomoeda
+Junior High is a little different than the Elementary School... or it
+is VERY different may be a better way to describe it. The teachers are
+very strict as is the headmaster, the school prides itself with its
+good image and tradition. That posed to be a problem for us. Back in
+Elementary School everyone more or less took us for granted. We were
+THE couple, really. Everyone found it cute and romantic that we were
+together... well, mostly everyone. Now, now we have to be extremely
+careful around whom we can trust to show feelings for the other that
+are more than friendship. Within the first weeks at Tomoeda Junior
+High we learned the hard way that Japanese society might tolerate a
+cute crush between two young girls but if they turn out to be two
+maturing young teenagers who openly show their love for each other,
+then the alarm bells are ringing in some people's heads. It is a good
+thing our families stand behind us and support our relationship
+despite some of the harsh treatment we had to endure at the beginning.
+I swear Okaasan was ready to sue the school, Touya-oniisan right
+behind her.
+	Things settled down eventually and the initial uproar has blown
+over. Most people know about us but choose to ignore it. There are
+some rare people who actually try to support us - if not officially
+than at least in small actions (for example: giving leeway in the way
+of discipline or maybe giving a higher grade when one of us was
+in-between). So, not all people there are traditional man in business
+suits who'd rather improve their self-image than care for their
+students, but a lot of them are. And not only once had we played with
+the tempting thought of transfer. There were enough - more modern and
+open-minded - schools in the area and both of us were smart enough;
+money wasn't an issue either.
+	I think it's a bit of defiance probably. Not too mention all of
+our friends are there, even Rika who really could have gotten into a
+better school. But I can understand her well enough after finally
+figuring out that she is seeing Terada-sensei (who had - not so
+surprisingly - also transferred to Junior High, leaving me wondering
+if Rika followed him or he followed her!). That was a bit of a shock
+at first but at the moment I guess we are sitting in the same boat,
+sort of, and neither of us is keen on budging. Society can be cruel
+sometimes, especially the traditional-bound Japanese one. While
+Western influences had lessened that, there still were a lot of old
+families with a lot of influence.
+	But enough about that. It has little do with the current dilemma
+since most of the drama had been in the beginning. I just mentioned it
+because some of it might have affected Sakura more than I initially
+thought. Why I still can't fathom but... Well, I hoped it would make
+more sense writing it down, however, it seems I am back to where I
+started from.
+	The confrontation had been coming a long way, I guess, and yet I
+felt so terrible about it. I had noticed that Sakura is spending more
+and more time by herself, only with Kerberos (and I think Yue too but
+I can't be sure). I tried to talk to her about it but she's always
+saying the same thing. "I'm fine, Tomo-chan, don't worry about me."
+Somehow this feels a little like d�j� vu. I used to say things like
+that often when we were just innocent children. It irked me a little
+but nevertheless I respected Sakura's privacy. She is after all a lot
+older than me (in her mind at least) and sometimes she just gets
+frustrated with being young again. You would think it'd be a blessing
+for anyone, yet living it is probably a lot different, I guess. She
+won't tell me much about it... or everything concerning the time
+travel that brought her ultimately into my arms. Which brings us back
+to the root of the problem.
+	At first I could ignore all of this, believing it must be too
+painful to remember or to talk about and Sakura doesn't want to worry
+me. Then, about half a year ago, a little after my fourteenth
+birthday, she started to spend all those hours alone in her room at
+her house (where she barely ever is anymore, at least not alone). I am
+pretty sure it has something to do with the cards and in this regard
+probably with Time. I remember that Kero lectured Sakura again and
+again about consequences for capturing and using Time but my
+girlfriend never seemed to be overly concerned. And, as I said
+already, she won't tell me any details whenever I ask.
+	Everything came to a climax at the beginning of the week. It was
+April 1, start of the new grade and Sakura's birthday. I had spent
+practically the whole weekend preparing a special treatment just for
+my special girlfriend. I had hoped that would help relax her a little
+and maybe she'd open up to me. Not that I would have pressed.
+	I had everything set, Okaasan was on a business trip and I had
+sent most of the serving stuff home. I told Sakura to come over after
+her club practice (she's still doing cheerleading but most of it
+half-heartedly, she actually has joined the Choir club so that we
+could spent even more time together). And so I sat there, alone in the
+big house and waited for Sakura.
+	Sakura didn't come.
+	At first I became worried that something might have happened so
+I called her on our private phones, only to discover that Sakura had
+turned off hers, something I discovered she was almost always doing
+when working with the cards. I considered going over and looking for
+myself but something in me was rebelling and refused to just chase
+after my errand girlfriend. A feeling rather new and unusual for me. I
+usually tended to defend Sakura's actions even if I should by all
+standards be angry with some. For me Sakura's happiness had always
+been valued higher than anyone else's - including my own. Ironically
+enough, thinking about it now, the anger might be a result of Sakura's
+own doing. The brunette was so adamant about our relationship that she
+had practically made me speak my mind more often, whenever something
+is bothering me or I just need to talk to her, she made it very clear,
+that she will always be there for me, insisting for me to confide in
+her always.
+	I was still worried but I knew that if something happened to
+Sakura I would know it. I had known in my heart if she was in danger.
+Besides, she'd never turn off that phone other than for her magical
+studies that she was so secretive about. So I waited, and Sakura
+didn't come.
+	Next morning I confronted her before school. Turns out she
+"forgot"! She forgot about her own private birthday party with her
+girlfriend?! I might have bought that from the innocent ten-year old
+before the whole time travel incident but not from her, not now. And
+then she had the audacity to brush me off with a feeble apology that
+she "is not feeling well".
+	To quote Sakura: Hoe?
+	Sakura doesn't just simply feel "not well". My girlfriend is the
+healthiest girl I know, really. She's so full of energy that she's
+almost bursting most of the time. While it has been much more reserved
+since her change it is still there. It's something so typical Sakura
+that you can't miss it after having seen it once.
+	And what shocked me more and is still puzzling me is that look
+she gave me. Sakura almost seemed scared, not off me, but maybe
+something having to do with me. And that scared me in return. Having
+Sakura look so... lost... and as if the devil was chasing her (I
+really can't describe it any better) was disconcerting to say the
+least.
+	All throughout the day and the next morning almost no word had
+been spoken between us. I think that was the longest ever since we've
+been together and not separated by vacation or other things. And I
+swear the whole school seemed to have picked up on it. Even some of
+the teachers who usually loved to focus their attention on us made a
+point not to.
+	Tuesday afternoon I finally had enough. I was confused about all
+of this but I was also feeling uncharacteristically angry. I wanted to
+know what was going on. I didn't see what I could have done wrong and
+Sakura would neither speak up on her own or come over as she usually
+did. And that devastating silence was straining my nerves. So then,
+finally, I went over to the Kinomoto house and practically marched
+into her room (the look on Touya's face would have been priceless if I
+hadn't been in such a foul mood).
+	I had secretly hoped to find Sakura sitting on her desk, working
+with her cards or something like that. That way I would have at least
+had somewhere to start but that didn't stop or slow me down any. I
+think, analyzing it now, most of my feelings weren't so much anger as
+they were frustration, frustration fueled by worry and the uncertainty
+of what was going on with my girlfriend. She is the most important
+thing in my life and I think I deserve to know what is going on in her
+life. She told me pretty much the same after all. Doesn't she trust me
+with this? I was... still am a little hurt about that. Maybe it's
+unfair to feel like that but I really can't help it at the moment.
+	When I told her all that, told her that I wanted to know what
+was going on, why she was shutting me out from her magical studies and
+why she never told me about the future. I wanted to know, even if it
+might not be pleasant. I am sure she was trying to protect me in some
+way and I am grateful for that, but I am also still her girlfriend and
+couldn't just stand by letting Sakura worry herself all on her own.
+	I am still mulling over her response. Sakura actually apologized
+for being so absent lately and that she was doing very important
+things that had to be taken care off. And that there were some things
+she couldn't tell me yet... I swear I could hear the "I tell you if
+you are older" behind the words (again d�j� vu) and that really leaves
+me puzzled. Sakura rarely makes comments likes that or treats anyone
+as if she is really those seven years older. And it's not just an act
+but rather genuine from what I can tell.
+	Before I could come up with any sort of response she had gently
+but persistently made me leave, saying she had some things to do,
+alone, and that right now she couldn't be distracted. And THAT really
+hurt. It felt like Sakura was purposefully trying to put distance
+between us. As if she was afraid that something might happen if we
+were too close right now.
+	I have the very distinct feeling that I am missing something
+obvious here but I just can't put my finger on it.
+	This had been about three days ago and apart from sporadic talk
+in school, there had been a deep wedge between us and I simply felt
+terrible about it. Logically seen there was no reason for me to feel
+at fault but this state was becoming unbearable. Being so close to my
+one and true love and yet so far away... I feel like I am going to
+explode any moment now!
+	No, I didn't really feel at fault. However, I felt extremely
+worried and a little ashamed at my reaction. After all everyone had
+their secrets, so why should Sakura be an exception. How could I know
+that with my intense reaction I might have even made it worse than it
+actually was? Also she had sacrificed so much by traveling back in
+time, she gave up Syaoran to be with me. I should by all means be
+thankful.
+	Yet, the fact remained that I was worried. For Sakura and for
+us. I feel very lucky to have such a fierce protector, nevertheless
+this had reached a point where I felt utterly excluded from things.
+Doesn't she understand that seeing her worried and in pain, pains me
+equally? How can she expect by shutting me out not to make me worry? I
+have to know what is going on and I will...
+	Yes, my decision is made. Tomorrow I will go over and find out
+what all this is about. I might not like it but that should be for me
+to decide. I wanted my girlfriend back, all the pros and cons about
+her, nothing less. I will apologize for being so angry but I will also
+make sure that she knows that I am worried about her and that all I
+want to do is help her. We have always been together through so many
+things. The school problems at the beginning of last year hadn't
+managed to drive a wedge between us, so I won't let this thing
+(whatever it is) either. Sakura has to realize that and I will make
+her realize it!
+	Reading back over that last paragraph, I think I sound rather
+scary... Hah, I feel a lot better now. Tomorrow I will make sure to
+fix whatever is burdening our relationship or at least to share that
+burden with Sakura. Thanks, Diary, sometimes it's nice to have
+somewhere to write all this down and analyze your thoughts. That
+really helped me today.
+******************************
+April 7, 1997
+	Some time ago, someone - I am not sure who - said to me that too
+much wisdom, too much knowledge poisons the mind. It sounded like the
+words of a wise man then and even more so now. I wonder if I would
+have been better off listening to them...
+	Okay, that sounds very gloomy. There is enough motivation for
+that though. Thinking my dearest Sakura had to go through all...
+this... terrible... things. I had wanted to know. Now I knew and I
+feel a certain numbness and a deep sadness coming from that knowledge.
+	But I am not making much sense to you, do I? So I better start
+from the beginning.
+	My decision made I had wanted to go over early to Sakura and
+make her tell me about all that bothered her lately. That is where I
+got my first surprise, finding the demure and rather meek-looking
+brunette at my doorstep, appearing for all it was worth like a
+chastened child. I immediately felt sick in my heart, knowing that I
+was probably one of the main reasons for her state. After writing my
+thoughts down, I had lain awake for some time, regret beginning to
+plague me. Regret for some of the harsh words traded and the
+accusation I had so blindly uttered. I knew that something was
+troubling Sakura and that she just wanted to shield me from it.
+Certainly I hadn't done her a favor with my explosion of temper, as
+rare as it was.
+	Therefore I was quick to assure her that I wasn't at all angry
+with her anymore when she practically begged for forgiveness. I felt
+so terrible that moment, seeing her so lost and obviously torn inside.
+How could I have ever even thought that she doesn't trust me? The
+appearance she gave yesterday morning spoke more than the revelation
+of any secret how devoted she is to me, how much she depends on my
+presence and love.
+	After we had calmed down a little, Sakura asked me if I still
+wanted to know. She revealed that it might not make a difference
+anymore soon and she probably couldn't shield me from what was to
+come. As gentle as possible I made her see that I wanted to know
+EVERYTHING that was going on in her life. We were a couple, and
+couples share such things, they share everything. We were so close
+already and despite feeling like dirt at the moment, I hated to not
+being able to care for my Sakura properly, not knowing what it was
+that bothered her.
+	Sakura just smiled at me a little sadly but with more fondness
+and love I had seen her do in a long while. And then she told me.
+Kami, yes, she told me... everything! I sat there just listening, numb
+with shock over some of the things that were revealed to me that very
+moment.
+	I am not sure I should write all this down, I am not sure I even
+can. However, I feel that if someone ever reads this, they deserve to
+know about what that innocent, gentle creature had to go through, what
+kind of future she left behind by risking so much to come here and set
+things right. Set things right mostly for me. I don't think I really
+deserve that, I feel insignificant compared to Sakura's big heart. She
+had made clear to me that what she did wasn't done primarily in order
+to save the world from the terrible future she had witnessed but in
+the first place it was because of me. Her wish while confronting Time
+wasn't about setting things right for the world, that had only been in
+the back of her mind. Her sole motivation was for me and the love she
+felt she owed me. It's all so amazing and hard to believe, how can I
+even hope to compare to that with my meager devotion?
+	Still, I wanted to tell you of what happened in that future
+Sakura left and might as well do so. Everything started out as
+normally as you may expect. Sakura and Syaoran were happy. All three
+of us had stuck together all the way up to and through High School. It
+was after graduation that IT happened. No one on Earth at that time
+truly knew what exactly caused it, where the malevolent creature came
+from. However, when She began to emerge and reign terror on the cities
+of the planet it was like the very definition of hell, many brave
+warriors and magicians fell to Her infinite seeming power. In the
+matter of a few month the world became a place darker than night,
+filled with death and despair.
+	In Greek mythology there is a tale about a box that the first
+woman on Earth opened because she was curious. This box harbored all
+of the humanity's darker emotion. Fear, jealousy, hate, greed, bigotry
+(you can continue that list endlessly). The woman was named Pandora
+and the box had become known as Pandora's Box. I am not sure whether
+it is a coincidence, a connection or just the perverted humor of fate
+but the creature that had wrecked havoc in Sakura's future had been
+aptly named Pandora as well.
+	The little Sakura described about her still sent shivers down my
+spine, thinking about the emotions alone I saw in her normally vivid
+and cheerful eyes and heard in her soft, whispered tones. Fear. There
+was fear. Not anger or loathing or rage at the unbelievable things
+that evil creature had done to her and Earth. Those emotions were
+there too, but they were insignificant compared to the fear and the
+terror emitting from Sakura speaking of her experience. Eriol said
+that Sakura was the strongest mage on Earth now and to just think
+about something or someone evoking such strong reactions from my
+beloved is... unsettling doesn't even begin to describe it.
+	Pandora had turned Earth into a world of terror and fear and
+there was no one able to stop her path of destruction. Sakura
+described her as something very old, totally incapable of having
+positive emotion. Her whole being was a reflection, the epitome of any
+dark emotion you could come up with. Her whole purpose was to turn
+everything into oblivion in the most painful, torturous way possible.
+Her powers were so massive that compared to her Sakura's own seemed
+like comparing an ant with an elephant.
+	And the worst part is, Sakura steadfastly believes that the same
+thing might happen again very soon if she doesn't do something about
+it in advance.
+	That is what she has been doing the last months, using the cards
+to predict the future and possible chances to prevent the fate that
+had befallen her own time from happening here. I cried for Sakura's
+grief at her description at how Pandora had come for her as well and
+how she had to watch first Syaoran's death and then my own. She
+visibly relieved that moment and it was a torturing experience. I
+realized then that it must have been that moment that Sakura finally
+realized my feelings and that still makes me choke back an angry sob.
+That is not how I would have wanted Sakura to find out. I know she was
+caring so much for all those close to her and that she could never
+live with my death. That is why I had sworn to myself that even if
+Sakura ended up with Syaoran and we drifted apart, I wouldn't do
+anything rash and stupid. I know I would just make Sakura sad and hate
+herself and that is a thought I cannot stand.
+	I had to hold and reassure her for almost half an hour before
+she managed to calm down. I smoothed the embarrassment Sakura felt at
+having broken down like that immediately, making sure that she knows I
+would and will never do anything like this on purpose. Not that I have
+a reason now but it was very important at that moment to soothe those
+fears.
+	I wasn't quite sure what to do or say to soothe her fears about
+Pandora though. Sakura hadn't even done more when describing
+superficially what happened and I can tell where is a lot still left
+untold (which right now really isn't much of a bad thing). Just from
+watching how terrified the usually brave and determined girl was of
+that evil creature put me at a loss for words. What could little,
+unimportant me do after all? All I managed was that weak reminder of
+her magic phrase again. Everything would surely be alright. Yeah sure,
+I am quite sure I had said the same thing in her future and I know now
+that it hadn't helped a tiny bit.
+	Thinking along these lines I was rather surprised to find Sakura
+looking at me with a serious expression, a flicker of that
+breathtaking determination in her eyes. Then she said the absolutely
+sweetest thing. That this phrase held little meaning without me there.
+I breathed life into the phrase, gave it a purpose, a direction. That
+as long as I was there that everything WILL always be alright. And
+that because of me and us being together, my love fueling her, pushing
+me onward, she might be able to change the future and make it better
+for us. That is why she had pushed herself so hardly lately, to
+prevent all this from happening. For me.
+	ME.
+	Wow.
+	My expression must have been priceless that moment. But Sakura
+didn't express her obviously humor, just a fond, loving smile,
+followed by a kiss so sensual and utterly devouring I felt like I was
+being sucked right into her. My body is still shaking from the
+feelings coursing through me. I could feel all the pent up
+frustrations of the last months but also all the love she felt for me.
+I realized then that until that moment that as much as I thought I
+knew how lucky I was, how much Sakura loved me and was willing to give
+for me, I never had completely understood.
+	I am not sure if we can weather that storm. I really am not as
+much as I wish to fuel myself but... I will have faith in Sakura and
+if she wishes me to be by her side, supporting her as much as I can,
+then I will. I will believe in my angel, my savior. If anyone can do
+it, she can.
+THE END (for now)
+Author's Notes
+Okay, this might seem a little cut off and doesn't explain everything,
+probably only serves to open up more questions. But that was wholly
+intended that way. I think I revealed already more than I wanted at
+that point anyway.
+This is going to be part of a bigger project, a background story so to
+say but you can read it as a stand alone as well (I hope). There will
+be one more installment (probably featuring two parts) that will tie
+things up for the background story and Sakura and Tomoyo's
+involvement. Seeing that Maia seems to have a good inspiration streak
+right now, you may see it sooner than you think.
+Don't worry Sailormoon fans as I said this will tie into a bigger
+project and you will soon get to see something of it (always assuming
+Maia complies).
+Some things to clear up.
+First off, I changed a tiny amount of things in "The Different Path".
+No real revision but more little details that are necessary. I am a
+perfectionist than writing, especially concerning facts like a working
+timeline that makes sense. I realized that the birth year given for
+Tomoyo on her tombstone has actually to be one year earlier or she'll
+end up younger than Sakura. Why this might be possible, it doesn't
+work out for the timeline of the greater project. That's really a

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