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1
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2
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3 I traveled round the world
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4 Looking for a home
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5 I found myself in crowded rooms
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6 Feeling so alone...
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7
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8
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9
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10 A figure caught her eye as she was turning back to the counter. For a second she caught her breath, hope springing up
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11 unbidden, but she was to be disappointed once again when the woman turned. The skin was far too dark...the hair was similar,
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12 but not quite the right shade. She was not the one.
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13 Sakura was about to turn away again when she realized that the woman was also looking at her. Looking at her with raised
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14 eyebrows and a startled expression that quickly transformed to disappointment as she watched.
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15 Then green eyes met green.
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16 Something passed between them. A sense of kinship, a recognition of some kind. She made as if to rise but the other
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17 woman gestured for her to remain seated and approached her instead.
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18 She felt a lump in her throat. The young woman moved with the unconscious grace of a true lady. She might have been a
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19 princess, she moved with such fluidity...it was a joy to watch her. Her hair flowed down her back in soft waves.
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20 For the life of her, Sakura couldn't help but be reminded of someone else.
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21
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22
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23
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24 Substitute for Love
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25 By Janice
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26 sparkle@animefan.org
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27
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28
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29 "Are you...waiting for someone?" asked the woman a little hesitantly.
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30 "Well...not exactly," said Sakura. She smiled a little. "Would you care to join me?"
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31 "Thank you." Her voice was low and well-modulated, a lovely voice. She spoke with formal politeness, reinforcing the
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32 image of a princess in Sakura's head. Still, she thought, I prefer higher voices. High, sweet, voices... She cut off the
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33 thought cleanly and sharply, as one who has had much practice might do.
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34 The door opened and Sakura looked up quickly, a reaction that had become almost as instictive as breathing.
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35 And perhaps almost as necessary.
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36 Strangely, the other woman looked up simultaneously, with a movement almost identical to Sakura's. The two of them
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37 squinted at the figure outlined in the doorway, and then each turned away with a sigh. Then their eyes met again and they
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38 smiled ruefully at each other.
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39 "Have you always worn your hair long?" the woman asked. The question was sudden, but somehow neither abrupt nor
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40 jarring. It seemed like the most natural question in the world.
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41 Sakura put her hand self-consciously to the hair that fell down her back in a straight auburn curtain. "No," she said quietly. I
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42 used to wear it in a short, pixie cut all through school. But I haven't cut it in a long time. Someday, I'll cut it short again."
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43 "Someday, when you find...her?" The questioning inflection was slight but unmistakable.
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44 Sakura nodded slowly. "Does...she have long hair?" she asked.
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45 After a pause, the other woman nodded in turn. "She...did...the last time I saw her, anyway. Long and straight, like yours.
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46 But hers was lighter than yours."
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47 "You move with the same unconscious, gentle, grace that she did," said Sakura. "You don't really look like her, though her
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48 hair was long and wavy like yours, but you...you *feel* a little like her, somehow."
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49 The woman nodded again, as slowly as Sakura had. "I'll bet you were athletic in school," she said.
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50 Sakura smiled a little. "Does is show?"
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51 "Oh, in the way you move, in the way you carry yourself...the little things."
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52 "She was always very observant, too. She used to amaze us all. Sometimes it seemed like she knew everything," Sakura
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53 said reminiscently. The door opened again and once again both women looked up in unison. "I guess I've become the
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54 observant one, now." A thread of irony edged her tone. "I certainly wasn't then, and I paid for it." A sigh escaped her lips.
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55 "Why is it that we truly don't appreciate the most wonderful things in our lives until they're gone?"
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56 The woman's hand covered hers comfortingly, her skin dark against Sakura's comparative paleness. "I don't know," she
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57 said sorrowfully. "I don't know."
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58
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59 * * *
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60
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61 Sakura pulled closer to her in the darkness, running her fingers through the long, soft hair. "I'm afraid," she whispered.
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62 "Of what?"
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63 "Of finding her. What if..." It was hard to say. "What if she's found happiness with someone else? It was so long ago. I've
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64 changed. I'm not the same person I was then...and she won't be either." A tear escaped from her eye and ran sideways down
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65 her face to hide itself in the pillow. All of her fears were pouring out of her now. "Why have I spent my life chasing a dream?
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66 What if...what if she doesn't love me anymore? What if I only disrupt her life and make her unhappy by finding her?" Her
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67 voice dropped to a whisper.
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68 "What if...what if I never find her at all?"
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69 The arms around her tightened, and she felt as though they were the only things holding her together. Without them, she
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70 thought, she would shatter into a million pieces.
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71 The low voice hovered in the darkness. "I know," it said softly. "I know."
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72
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73
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74
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75
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76 Lyrics at the beginning are from Madonna's "Substitute For Love", from her CD, "Ray of Light". The characters
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77 belong to the creators of the series "Card Captor Sakura" and "Utena", respectively... and respectfully.
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78
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79
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80
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