rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: I traveled round the world 
rlm@2: Looking for a home 
rlm@2: I found myself in crowded rooms 
rlm@2: Feeling so alone... 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2:     A figure caught her eye as she was turning back to the counter.  For a second she caught her breath, hope springing up
rlm@2: unbidden, but she was to be disappointed once again when the woman turned.  The skin was far too dark...the hair was similar,
rlm@2: but not quite the right shade.  She was not the one. 
rlm@2:     Sakura was about to turn away again when she realized that the woman was also looking at her.  Looking at her with raised
rlm@2: eyebrows and a startled expression that quickly transformed to disappointment as she watched. 
rlm@2:     Then green eyes met green. 
rlm@2:     Something passed between them.  A sense of kinship, a recognition of some kind.  She made as if to rise but the other
rlm@2: woman gestured for her to remain seated and approached her instead. 
rlm@2:     She felt a lump in her throat.  The young woman moved with the unconscious grace of a true lady.  She might have been a
rlm@2: princess, she moved with such fluidity...it was a joy to watch her.  Her hair flowed down her back in soft waves. 
rlm@2:     For the life of her, Sakura couldn't help but be reminded of someone else. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Substitute for Love
rlm@2: By Janice
rlm@2: sparkle@animefan.org
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2:     "Are you...waiting for someone?" asked the woman a little hesitantly. 
rlm@2:     "Well...not exactly," said Sakura.  She smiled a little.  "Would you care to join me?" 
rlm@2:     "Thank you."  Her voice was low and well-modulated, a lovely voice.  She spoke with formal politeness, reinforcing the
rlm@2: image of a princess in Sakura's head.  Still, she thought, I prefer higher voices.  High, sweet, voices...  She cut off the
rlm@2: thought cleanly and sharply, as one who has had much practice might do. 
rlm@2:     The door opened and Sakura looked up quickly, a reaction that had become almost as instictive as breathing. 
rlm@2:     And perhaps almost as necessary. 
rlm@2:     Strangely, the other woman looked up simultaneously, with a movement almost identical to Sakura's.  The two of them
rlm@2: squinted at the figure outlined in the doorway, and then each turned away with a sigh.  Then their eyes met again and they
rlm@2: smiled ruefully at each other. 
rlm@2:     "Have you always worn your hair long?" the woman asked.  The question was sudden, but somehow neither abrupt nor
rlm@2: jarring.  It seemed like the most natural question in the world. 
rlm@2:     Sakura put her hand self-consciously to the hair that fell down her back in a straight auburn curtain.  "No," she said quietly.  I
rlm@2: used to wear it in a short, pixie cut all through school.  But I haven't cut it in a long time.  Someday, I'll cut it short again." 
rlm@2:     "Someday, when you find...her?"  The questioning inflection was slight but unmistakable. 
rlm@2:     Sakura nodded slowly.  "Does...she have long hair?" she asked. 
rlm@2:     After a pause, the other woman nodded in turn.  "She...did...the last time I saw her, anyway.  Long and straight, like yours. 
rlm@2: But hers was lighter than yours." 
rlm@2:     "You move with the same unconscious, gentle, grace that she did," said Sakura.  "You don't really look like her, though her
rlm@2: hair was long and wavy like yours, but you...you *feel* a little like her, somehow." 
rlm@2:     The woman nodded again, as slowly as Sakura had.  "I'll bet you were athletic in school," she said. 
rlm@2:     Sakura smiled a little.  "Does is show?" 
rlm@2:     "Oh, in the way you move, in the way you carry yourself...the little things." 
rlm@2:     "She was always very observant, too.  She used to amaze us all.  Sometimes it seemed like she knew everything," Sakura
rlm@2: said reminiscently.  The door opened again and once again both women looked up in unison.  "I guess I've become the
rlm@2: observant one, now."  A thread of irony edged her tone.  "I certainly wasn't then, and I paid for it."  A sigh escaped her lips. 
rlm@2: "Why is it that we truly don't appreciate the most wonderful things in our lives until they're gone?" 
rlm@2:     The woman's hand covered hers comfortingly, her skin dark against Sakura's comparative paleness.  "I don't know," she
rlm@2: said sorrowfully.  "I don't know." 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: *    *    * 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2:     Sakura pulled closer to her in the darkness, running her fingers through the long, soft hair.  "I'm afraid," she whispered. 
rlm@2:     "Of what?" 
rlm@2:     "Of finding her.  What if..."  It was hard to say.  "What if she's found happiness with someone else?  It was so long ago.  I've
rlm@2: changed.  I'm not the same person I was then...and she won't be either."  A tear escaped from her eye and ran sideways down
rlm@2: her face to hide itself in the pillow.  All of her fears were pouring out of her now.  "Why have I spent my life chasing a dream? 
rlm@2: What if...what if she doesn't love me anymore?  What if I only disrupt her life and make her unhappy by finding her?"  Her
rlm@2: voice dropped to a whisper. 
rlm@2:     "What if...what if I never find her at all?" 
rlm@2:     The arms around her tightened, and she felt as though they were the only things holding her together.  Without them, she
rlm@2: thought, she would shatter into a million pieces. 
rlm@2:     The low voice hovered in the darkness.  "I know," it said softly.  "I know." 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Lyrics at the beginning are from Madonna's "Substitute For Love", from her CD, "Ray of Light".  The characters
rlm@2: belong to the creators of the series "Card Captor Sakura" and "Utena", respectively... and respectfully. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
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