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1 Author’s notes: Hi everyone! ^-^ This is my first Sonomi & Nadeshiko story. I
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2 just love Sonomi-san and I feel so horrible that she lost her beloved Nadeshiko.
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3 ;_; I really hope I can write more about them. ^-^ If you have any comments,
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4 please e-mail me. ^-^
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5
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6
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7 Where Did You Go?
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8 By the Amazoness Duo
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9 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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10
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11
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12 Sonomi Daidouji sighed miserably, looking out at the forest from the
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13 balcony where she used to play with her darling little cousin, Nadeshiko. She
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14 had come out to her grandfather’s house out in the woods to get away from it all.
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15 Both the business pressure of everyday life at the Daidouji Toy Company and
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16 also the more profound pain that wasn’t so easily escaped. “Nadeshiko-chan,”
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17 she whispered softly into the wind, only seeing a brewing storm where her
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18 cousin had seen rainbows.
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19 She had asked Tomoyo to come along as well. A little time away would
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20 be good for her. Especially now that the Chinese boy had returned. But her
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21 daughter had politely refused, saying that she wished to stay near Sakura during
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22 all this, even if it hurt. Another, darker sigh escaped the older woman’s lips. If
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23 only Tomoyo had told Sakura like she’d always told her to. Holding back would
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24 only get you years of pain, she had tried to explain to her young daughter. But
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25 she had just smiled and replied that all she wanted was for Sakura to be happy.
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26 She would understand when she was ready to. Did that mean that Nadeshiko
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27 had never been ready to understand her feelings? Would the same be true of
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28 Nadeshiko’s daughter? When you love someone so much that they’re your very
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29 reason to greet the new day, their loss can destroy you. And loss wasn’t
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30 necessarily their death, either. Sonomi had lost her dear Nadeshiko when he had
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31 stolen her away. That quiet teacher that had apparently no idea of just how much
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32 Nadeshiko had meant to her. She knew he was smarter than that. He had known
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33 all along, but had taken her anyway. Despite Sonomi’s best efforts to stop him,
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34 it wasn’t enough. Destroyed and lacking any will to go on, she had left, her only
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35 reminder the bouquet from Nadeshiko’s wedding. Would her daughter be just as
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36 wrongfully punished for the sin of loving one so much?
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37 The first cold droplets of rain hit the matriarch of the Daidouji family
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38 like bitter tears. She closed her eyes as she leaned against the railing, the sweet
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39 echoes of years long gone still stirring through the old house. “Where are you,
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40 Nadeshiko-chan?” she heard herself ask into the coming storm. “I need you now
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41 more than I ever did. I always said I’d protect you, but I did a rather terrible job,
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42 didn’t I? I couldn’t protect you from him and I couldn’t protect you from death.
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43 I couldn’t scare if off with a dirty look, I couldn’t keep you alive and happy. I
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44 couldn’t keep you with me. Every day that goes by, I can feel you. Everytime I
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45 see her, your daughter, I can feel you so close to me. I can see why Tomoyo-
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46 chan loves her so. She has the same sweet innocence that you did, Nadeshiko-
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47 chan. The same caring soul.” Sonomi barely noticed the tears mixing with the
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48 rain drops down her cheeks. “But what have I done to curse my family? Why
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49 doesn’t Tomoyo-chan deserve the happiness that Kinomoto-san robbed from
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50 me? Tomoyo-chan tries to be so happy, so strong for Sakura-chan, but she can’t
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51 keep it up. I know because I’ve lived through the worst of it. And I know she
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52 won’t last much longer. If you pour all of your love out for so long without any
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53 love returned to you, you start to die. Just like a flower. Slowly and painfully
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54 until you wilt away.” Looking up, her hair started to get thrown around by the
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55 strong winds. “I miss you so much. Even here. But I remember you smiling and
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56 laughing. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it means that I can smile.”
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57 “Where are you, Nadeshiko-chan? I love you.”
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58
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59 ‘Oh, Sonomi, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I.. I didn’t
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60 understand. I thought you would always be there. When you left, I was
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61 devastated. I didn’t know if I could go on without my big cousin Sonomi there
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62 to make everything all right. I thought I loved him but... It had to be this way.
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63 We had to have Sakura so that everything could come about. And you had
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64 Tomoyo because of your loneliness. It’s always so sweet seeing you with your
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65 daughter. I still can’t believe you have her keep her hair like mine. You make a
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66 wonderful mother, Sonomi. I’m right here. I’m right with you, just like I always
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67 am. I’m keeping an eye on you. And my daughter. And yours. But you can’t see
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68 me. I want to cry at that. If only... But you’ll understand one day. Because I’m
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69 waiting for you, Sonomi. I’ll be waiting for you here as soon as your life is over.
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70 Waiting right here. Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, Sonomi...’
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71
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72 A knock at the front door startled Sonomi out of her reverie. Who could
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73 it be all the way out here in the woods? She contemplated leaving the visitor
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74 alone for a moment, but finally decided against it. Who would be all the way up
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75 here if it wasn’t important? It had better be, at least. The businesswoman headed
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76 through the large home with sure steps towards the door. Maybe Tomoyo had
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77 decided to come up after all. All she would have to do is tell her bodyguards to
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78 drive her out here. And her grandfather would be thrilled to see her. Or maybe it
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79 would be Sakura out here like she had been so long ago. If it was, Sonomi would
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80 have to tell her all about the way of things and make her understand just how
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81 much Tomoyo loved her. If Tomoyo wasn’t going to, someone needed to spell
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82 things out for the brunette. She swore Sakura could be just as dense as her
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83 mother. “Nadeshiko...?” Not even realizing she’d said her name, Sonomi was
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84 staring directly at the very woman who had left the biggest impact on her life.
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85 Suddenly she was ten again, up with her cousin at her grandfather’s house for
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86 the weekend, the two of them playing happily as Sonomi tried her hardest to
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87 protect her fragile little cousin.
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88 Long, gray hair framed the picture perfect face of the woman in the
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89 doorway. “Sonomi!” she exclaimed happily, her heart pounding in her chest as
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90 she smiled brightly. Her long curly hair fluttered in the wet wind as the coming
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91 storm began to pick up. Her face hadn’t changed at all, still the same beautiful
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92 features that had adorned her the day she’d died oh so many years ago. Her long
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93 white dress clung to her loosely in the wind. Smiling emerald eyes playfully
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94 grasped Sonomi’s own.
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95 The specter just stood there in the doorway staring back at Sonomi for a
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96 long moment. Before Sonomi could tell herself that this was a stress induced
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97 hallucination, the figure of her long dead cousin lunged forward in a warm
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98 embrace. “Na… Nadeshiko-chan?” she asked weakly, feeling the blood drain
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99 from her body. Her thoughts swirled like the storm that would soon be upon
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100 them. She could barely form any coherent thought as she stood in the embrace,
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101 her emotions warring in her heart. Ignoring them all, she hugged her cousin back
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102 as tightly as she could. Everything was the same, from her soft touch to the
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103 sweet scent of her hair that tickled Sonomi’s nose.
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104 Nadeshiko stood there for a long moment in Sonomi’s protective arms.
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105 That had been a lot easier than she’d thought. She had been so worried that
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106 Sonomi would send her away, that she’d be angry with her. It had taken her
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107 forever to work up the courage to knock on the door. But now, in her cousin’s
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108 arms, it all felt right again. Maybe Sonomi wasn’t mad at her after all. But... No,
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109 she couldn’t think about what could go wrong right now. She just had to follow
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110 her heart and it would all work out. This time she wouldn’t waver from her
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111 heart. A few more cold droplets of ice water splashed against her ivory skin,
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112 making her shiver. “Umm… Sonomi, do you mind if I come in?”
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113 Still completely caught off guard by her cousin’s sudden reappearance,
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114 Sonomi nodded weakly. “Hai, come right in, Nadeshiko-chan. I don’t want you
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115 getting wet. You could catch cold.”
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116 Nadeshiko giggled as she let the older woman escort her inside. Old
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117 habits died hard, apparently. Sonomi was still as overprotective of her as always.
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118 Something about that was reassuring. Sonomi was nearly as overprotective with
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119 her daughter as she’d been with her. Watching with a little concern at her
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120 cousin’s shocked expression, she waved her hand in front of Sonomi’s face, the
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121 brunette’s slant hairstyle moving from side to side as she shook her head.
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122 “Sonomi, are you alright? You seem so... agitated.”
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123 “I’m fine, Nadeshiko-chan. Just fine. I...” Sonomi shook her head
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124 again, at a loss for words. Her dear, sweet, beloved Nadeshiko-chan was
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125 standing there in the living room. Hadn’t she practiced over and over what she’d
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126 say to her if she ever saw her again? But now it all drained away. She had never
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127 thought she would actually have the chance. Her hand reached out slowly, shaky
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128 fingers brushing Nadeshiko’s soft cheek and gray hair. Pulling back, afraid that
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129 she’d disappear, Sonomi just watched her cousin for several uneasy moments.
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130 She had the urge to take her in her arms, kiss her, and never let her go. Instead,
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131 she tried very hard not to blink once as she went over and started rummaging
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132 through her purse.
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133 Watching silently, Nadehsiko took a seat in the plush chair her
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134 grandfather had bought when she was...eleven? No, that was the year Sonomi
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135 had dragged her out of the pool because she’d thought she was drowning. Nine?
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136 No, that was when they’d gone hiking and she’d sprained her ankle and Sonomi
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137 had tried to walk all the way back home with her on her back. No, the chair was
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138 definitely when she was twelve. Smiling pleasantly as she pushed her memories
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139 to the side, she placed her hands in her lap. The smile faded as she watched
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140 Sonomi pacing back and forth with a cigarette. Sonomi had stopped back the
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141 first time Nadeshiko had caught her when they were teenagers. All she had had
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142 to say was that she didn’t want Sonomi doing that and the other girl had quit
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143 altogether. It didn’t matter that it could have ruined her on the track team, all
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144 that mattered was that she didn’t want her to. But Sonomi’s shaking hands
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145 showed that this was a desperate attempt to calm frayed nerves. She wanted to
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146 get up and try to comfort her the way she used to, but she didn’t know if Sonomi
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147 would welcome her as she used to so many years ago.
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148 Taking a huff of the cigarette, Sonomi’s mind fought desperately to
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149 rationalize what was going on. Too much work? Too many memories from
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150 being back at her grandfather’s house? A bad dream? Indigestion? Did it even
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151 matter as long as she was back? Shaking her head, she fought back tears. She
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152 didn't think she could handle losing her again. What if this was any one of those
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153 things? Was it even Nadeshiko? How could it be?
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154 “It really is me, Sonomi,” Nadeshiko spoke up from across the room,
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155 cutting into her thoughts. “I wanted to see you again. I miss you.” She frowned
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156 sadly as her eyes met her cousin’s again. “I have ever since you left me. I was
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157 never truly happy after I lost you, Sonomi. I wanted you to see my babies and to
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158 be there just like we always talked about when we were little. I needed my big
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159 cousin to watch out for me. You know I’m no good at it on my own.” A sad
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160 laugh escaped her lips. “I just... My wedding night? Did you have to leave on
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161 my wedding night?” Tears glistened in emerald green eyes.
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162 The taller woman felt as if she’d been shot through the heart at the
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163 wavering in Nadeshiko’s voice. “What? Nadeshiko-chan, you weren’t supposed
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164 to know about it. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. If I’d known...”
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165 She closed her eyes but opened them hastily, afraid that her dearest Nadeshiko
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166 would disappear, leaving her all alone once more.
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167 “You’d have what? Left later when I couldn’t come find you and beg
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168 you to stay?” Nadeshiko asked softly. “Do you know how much that night hurt?
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169 I had just gotten married and found out that you were going away. That I would
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170 never see my cousin, my best friend, ever again. Seeing the hurt in your eyes... I
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171 couldn’t take it. Fujitaka found me crying in my wedding dress after I’d watched
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172 you walk away for good. And then I had to put on a smile for the few members
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173 of my family that actually came to my wedding.” As soon as the words were
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174 out, she regretted them. No matter how painful that night had been for her, it had
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175 been infinitely more painful for her cousin. Sonomi had felt betrayed, lost, torn
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176 apart. She had nothing to do but run away. What would have happened had
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177 Sonomi stayed? That would have just hurt her even more.
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178 The room blurred around Sonomi as her eyes began welling with tears,
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179 that painful night still vivid in her memory even after all those years. “I had to
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180 see you one last time. I felt like I was dying the entire ceremony. One knife in
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181 my heart after another. I could barely keep quiet when they asked if anyone had
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182 any objections. I could barely hold in the tears. But I tried my damnedest to get
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183 that bouquet of yours. I still have it, actually. Nadeshiko-chan, I had to see your
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184 wedding but I couldn’t bear to be a part of your life after that. It hurt too much
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185 knowing that I’d lost you forever. You can understand that, right? You knew I
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186 loved you but you married him anyway. You mean everything to me, but every
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187 time I saw you with him, I felt a piece of me die. I had nothing to live for
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188 without you. It took me years, until I had Tomoyo-chan, that I finally had a
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189 reason again.”
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190 “Sonomi...” Nadeshiko whispered sadly. “I’m so sorry, Sonomi... You
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191 know that I would never want to hurt you. I... I tried to find you... I looked
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192 everywhere but... no one would tell me...” Tears started spilling down her pale
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193 cheeks as the pain of the past took a firm grip on her soul. “Grandpa... He
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194 wouldn’t even tell me... He said you didn’t.. didn’t… didn’t want to see me..” A
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195 muffled sob escaped her lips as she brought her hands up. Something caught
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196 them before they could reach her face. Looking up, she saw Sonomi looking
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197 down at her, gently holding her hands.
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198 “Nadeshiko-chan,” Sonomi whispered softly, kneeling in front of the
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199 sitting girl. “I’m sorry. I made a huge mistake leaving, but I couldn’t live with
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200 myself seeing… HIM… with you. I loved you too much. I started over
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201 somewhere else, but I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving
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202 you.” Bringing her hand up to the other woman’s face, she brushed some of the
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203 long gray hair back, letting her fingers caress her soft cheek. She shook her
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204 head. “Of course I wanted to see you. But I couldn’t handle it. There’s no way I
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205 could have seen the two of you and kept from breaking down.”
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206 “But..” Nadeshiko sniffled, blinking her wet eyes. “I missed you so
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207 much. I wanted to see you so badly. You were supposed to protect me like you
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208 always promised when we were little. I always felt safe with you. I lost that
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209 feeling when you left. I needed you.” She closed her eyes as she felt Sonomi’s
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210 fingers brush away her tears. The pain inside dulled slightly at Sonomi’s touch,
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211 it always managing to comfort her. “Sonomi...” All of her fears about returning
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212 to Sonomi seemed to fade away now that she was here with her cousin.
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213 “Not one day goes by when I don’t think about you. Life’s been
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214 unbearable ever since I last saw you. But somehow I’m still here and you’re
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215 gone. It’s not fair...” Closing her eyes for a moment, Sonomi had to take a breath
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216 before continuing. “I love you so much, Nadeshiko-chan. Why couldn’t I protect
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217 you from him? I failed you.”
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218 Nadeshiko placed a finger on Sonomi’s lips, shaking her head. “It’s not
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219 his fault, Sonomi. Had I been with you, I still would have died. I got sick. There
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220 was nothing you could have done. Please don’t blame yourself. Or him. You
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221 have a beautiful daughter and my two precious angels came out of it, so it’s not
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222 all bad. Thought I do regret not choosing you back then, Sonomi. I’ve missed
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223 you terribly. I lost you when I made my decision. But you have to understand, I
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224 was so afraid. I knew no one would understand if I chose you, that it was all so
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225 strange. It seemed so much safer choosing him. But I never stopped loving you,
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226 either. My love for him was... different.” Her fingers lightly brushed over
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227 Sonomi’s lips, a soft smile forming on her own. “But it’s you I’m waiting for. I
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228 promise I’ll make it up to you. You were the one I needed. I’m sorry I ever hurt
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229 you.”
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rlm@2
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230 “Nadeshiko, don’t...” Sonomi began, but Nadeshiko’s hands on her
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rlm@2
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231 cheeks pulled her into a soft kiss. Her loneliness, pain, and confusion all
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rlm@2
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232 dissipated, her whole body being filled with the warm glow of her love for this
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rlm@2
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233 beautiful woman in front of her. All the years of sorrow left her in an instant, her
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rlm@2
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234 tears flowing more freely as she now had nothing to hold back. Her entire soul
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rlm@2
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235 barred to her dearest, she returned the kiss as best she could. Years of regret and
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rlm@2
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236 anger were replaced with a calm feeling spreading throughout her. Her fingers
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rlm@2
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237 intertwined in Nadeshiko’s long silky tresses, losing herself in the deepening
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rlm@2
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238 kiss.
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rlm@2
|
239
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rlm@2
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240 Nadeshiko watched Sonomi asleep with her head on the chair, still
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rlm@2
|
241 kneeling. She smiled softly, her fingers gently brushing through Sonomi eerily
|
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rlm@2
|
242 as she began to fade away. “I love you, Sonomi. I’m waiting for you. When I
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rlm@2
|
243 finally see you again, I’ll never let you go.” Sonomi stirred only slightly as she
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rlm@2
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244 went back to her peaceful slumber, dreaming of her beloved.
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rlm@2
|
245
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rlm@2
|
246
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rlm@2
|
247
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