rlm@2: Author’s notes: Hi everyone! ^-^ This is my first Sonomi & Nadeshiko story. I rlm@2: just love Sonomi-san and I feel so horrible that she lost her beloved Nadeshiko. rlm@2: ;_; I really hope I can write more about them. ^-^ If you have any comments, rlm@2: please e-mail me. ^-^ rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: Where Did You Go? rlm@2: By the Amazoness Duo rlm@2: amazonessduo@hotmail.com rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: Sonomi Daidouji sighed miserably, looking out at the forest from the rlm@2: balcony where she used to play with her darling little cousin, Nadeshiko. She rlm@2: had come out to her grandfather’s house out in the woods to get away from it all. rlm@2: Both the business pressure of everyday life at the Daidouji Toy Company and rlm@2: also the more profound pain that wasn’t so easily escaped. “Nadeshiko-chan,” rlm@2: she whispered softly into the wind, only seeing a brewing storm where her rlm@2: cousin had seen rainbows. rlm@2: She had asked Tomoyo to come along as well. A little time away would rlm@2: be good for her. Especially now that the Chinese boy had returned. But her rlm@2: daughter had politely refused, saying that she wished to stay near Sakura during rlm@2: all this, even if it hurt. Another, darker sigh escaped the older woman’s lips. If rlm@2: only Tomoyo had told Sakura like she’d always told her to. Holding back would rlm@2: only get you years of pain, she had tried to explain to her young daughter. But rlm@2: she had just smiled and replied that all she wanted was for Sakura to be happy. rlm@2: She would understand when she was ready to. Did that mean that Nadeshiko rlm@2: had never been ready to understand her feelings? Would the same be true of rlm@2: Nadeshiko’s daughter? When you love someone so much that they’re your very rlm@2: reason to greet the new day, their loss can destroy you. And loss wasn’t rlm@2: necessarily their death, either. Sonomi had lost her dear Nadeshiko when he had rlm@2: stolen her away. That quiet teacher that had apparently no idea of just how much rlm@2: Nadeshiko had meant to her. She knew he was smarter than that. He had known rlm@2: all along, but had taken her anyway. Despite Sonomi’s best efforts to stop him, rlm@2: it wasn’t enough. Destroyed and lacking any will to go on, she had left, her only rlm@2: reminder the bouquet from Nadeshiko’s wedding. Would her daughter be just as rlm@2: wrongfully punished for the sin of loving one so much? rlm@2: The first cold droplets of rain hit the matriarch of the Daidouji family rlm@2: like bitter tears. She closed her eyes as she leaned against the railing, the sweet rlm@2: echoes of years long gone still stirring through the old house. “Where are you, rlm@2: Nadeshiko-chan?” she heard herself ask into the coming storm. “I need you now rlm@2: more than I ever did. I always said I’d protect you, but I did a rather terrible job, rlm@2: didn’t I? I couldn’t protect you from him and I couldn’t protect you from death. rlm@2: I couldn’t scare if off with a dirty look, I couldn’t keep you alive and happy. I rlm@2: couldn’t keep you with me. Every day that goes by, I can feel you. Everytime I rlm@2: see her, your daughter, I can feel you so close to me. I can see why Tomoyo- rlm@2: chan loves her so. She has the same sweet innocence that you did, Nadeshiko- rlm@2: chan. The same caring soul.” Sonomi barely noticed the tears mixing with the rlm@2: rain drops down her cheeks. “But what have I done to curse my family? Why rlm@2: doesn’t Tomoyo-chan deserve the happiness that Kinomoto-san robbed from rlm@2: me? Tomoyo-chan tries to be so happy, so strong for Sakura-chan, but she can’t rlm@2: keep it up. I know because I’ve lived through the worst of it. And I know she rlm@2: won’t last much longer. If you pour all of your love out for so long without any rlm@2: love returned to you, you start to die. Just like a flower. Slowly and painfully rlm@2: until you wilt away.” Looking up, her hair started to get thrown around by the rlm@2: strong winds. “I miss you so much. Even here. But I remember you smiling and rlm@2: laughing. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it means that I can smile.” rlm@2: “Where are you, Nadeshiko-chan? I love you.” rlm@2: rlm@2: ‘Oh, Sonomi, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I.. I didn’t rlm@2: understand. I thought you would always be there. When you left, I was rlm@2: devastated. I didn’t know if I could go on without my big cousin Sonomi there rlm@2: to make everything all right. I thought I loved him but... It had to be this way. rlm@2: We had to have Sakura so that everything could come about. And you had rlm@2: Tomoyo because of your loneliness. It’s always so sweet seeing you with your rlm@2: daughter. I still can’t believe you have her keep her hair like mine. You make a rlm@2: wonderful mother, Sonomi. I’m right here. I’m right with you, just like I always rlm@2: am. I’m keeping an eye on you. And my daughter. And yours. But you can’t see rlm@2: me. I want to cry at that. If only... But you’ll understand one day. Because I’m rlm@2: waiting for you, Sonomi. I’ll be waiting for you here as soon as your life is over. rlm@2: Waiting right here. Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, Sonomi...’ rlm@2: rlm@2: A knock at the front door startled Sonomi out of her reverie. Who could rlm@2: it be all the way out here in the woods? She contemplated leaving the visitor rlm@2: alone for a moment, but finally decided against it. Who would be all the way up rlm@2: here if it wasn’t important? It had better be, at least. The businesswoman headed rlm@2: through the large home with sure steps towards the door. Maybe Tomoyo had rlm@2: decided to come up after all. All she would have to do is tell her bodyguards to rlm@2: drive her out here. And her grandfather would be thrilled to see her. Or maybe it rlm@2: would be Sakura out here like she had been so long ago. If it was, Sonomi would rlm@2: have to tell her all about the way of things and make her understand just how rlm@2: much Tomoyo loved her. If Tomoyo wasn’t going to, someone needed to spell rlm@2: things out for the brunette. She swore Sakura could be just as dense as her rlm@2: mother. “Nadeshiko...?” Not even realizing she’d said her name, Sonomi was rlm@2: staring directly at the very woman who had left the biggest impact on her life. rlm@2: Suddenly she was ten again, up with her cousin at her grandfather’s house for rlm@2: the weekend, the two of them playing happily as Sonomi tried her hardest to rlm@2: protect her fragile little cousin. rlm@2: Long, gray hair framed the picture perfect face of the woman in the rlm@2: doorway. “Sonomi!” she exclaimed happily, her heart pounding in her chest as rlm@2: she smiled brightly. Her long curly hair fluttered in the wet wind as the coming rlm@2: storm began to pick up. Her face hadn’t changed at all, still the same beautiful rlm@2: features that had adorned her the day she’d died oh so many years ago. Her long rlm@2: white dress clung to her loosely in the wind. Smiling emerald eyes playfully rlm@2: grasped Sonomi’s own. rlm@2: The specter just stood there in the doorway staring back at Sonomi for a rlm@2: long moment. Before Sonomi could tell herself that this was a stress induced rlm@2: hallucination, the figure of her long dead cousin lunged forward in a warm rlm@2: embrace. “Na… Nadeshiko-chan?” she asked weakly, feeling the blood drain rlm@2: from her body. Her thoughts swirled like the storm that would soon be upon rlm@2: them. She could barely form any coherent thought as she stood in the embrace, rlm@2: her emotions warring in her heart. Ignoring them all, she hugged her cousin back rlm@2: as tightly as she could. Everything was the same, from her soft touch to the rlm@2: sweet scent of her hair that tickled Sonomi’s nose. rlm@2: Nadeshiko stood there for a long moment in Sonomi’s protective arms. rlm@2: That had been a lot easier than she’d thought. She had been so worried that rlm@2: Sonomi would send her away, that she’d be angry with her. It had taken her rlm@2: forever to work up the courage to knock on the door. But now, in her cousin’s rlm@2: arms, it all felt right again. Maybe Sonomi wasn’t mad at her after all. But... No, rlm@2: she couldn’t think about what could go wrong right now. She just had to follow rlm@2: her heart and it would all work out. This time she wouldn’t waver from her rlm@2: heart. A few more cold droplets of ice water splashed against her ivory skin, rlm@2: making her shiver. “Umm… Sonomi, do you mind if I come in?” rlm@2: Still completely caught off guard by her cousin’s sudden reappearance, rlm@2: Sonomi nodded weakly. “Hai, come right in, Nadeshiko-chan. I don’t want you rlm@2: getting wet. You could catch cold.” rlm@2: Nadeshiko giggled as she let the older woman escort her inside. Old rlm@2: habits died hard, apparently. Sonomi was still as overprotective of her as always. rlm@2: Something about that was reassuring. Sonomi was nearly as overprotective with rlm@2: her daughter as she’d been with her. Watching with a little concern at her rlm@2: cousin’s shocked expression, she waved her hand in front of Sonomi’s face, the rlm@2: brunette’s slant hairstyle moving from side to side as she shook her head. rlm@2: “Sonomi, are you alright? You seem so... agitated.” rlm@2: “I’m fine, Nadeshiko-chan. Just fine. I...” Sonomi shook her head rlm@2: again, at a loss for words. Her dear, sweet, beloved Nadeshiko-chan was rlm@2: standing there in the living room. Hadn’t she practiced over and over what she’d rlm@2: say to her if she ever saw her again? But now it all drained away. She had never rlm@2: thought she would actually have the chance. Her hand reached out slowly, shaky rlm@2: fingers brushing Nadeshiko’s soft cheek and gray hair. Pulling back, afraid that rlm@2: she’d disappear, Sonomi just watched her cousin for several uneasy moments. rlm@2: She had the urge to take her in her arms, kiss her, and never let her go. Instead, rlm@2: she tried very hard not to blink once as she went over and started rummaging rlm@2: through her purse. rlm@2: Watching silently, Nadehsiko took a seat in the plush chair her rlm@2: grandfather had bought when she was...eleven? No, that was the year Sonomi rlm@2: had dragged her out of the pool because she’d thought she was drowning. Nine? rlm@2: No, that was when they’d gone hiking and she’d sprained her ankle and Sonomi rlm@2: had tried to walk all the way back home with her on her back. No, the chair was rlm@2: definitely when she was twelve. Smiling pleasantly as she pushed her memories rlm@2: to the side, she placed her hands in her lap. The smile faded as she watched rlm@2: Sonomi pacing back and forth with a cigarette. Sonomi had stopped back the rlm@2: first time Nadeshiko had caught her when they were teenagers. All she had had rlm@2: to say was that she didn’t want Sonomi doing that and the other girl had quit rlm@2: altogether. It didn’t matter that it could have ruined her on the track team, all rlm@2: that mattered was that she didn’t want her to. But Sonomi’s shaking hands rlm@2: showed that this was a desperate attempt to calm frayed nerves. She wanted to rlm@2: get up and try to comfort her the way she used to, but she didn’t know if Sonomi rlm@2: would welcome her as she used to so many years ago. rlm@2: Taking a huff of the cigarette, Sonomi’s mind fought desperately to rlm@2: rationalize what was going on. Too much work? Too many memories from rlm@2: being back at her grandfather’s house? A bad dream? Indigestion? Did it even rlm@2: matter as long as she was back? Shaking her head, she fought back tears. She rlm@2: didn't think she could handle losing her again. What if this was any one of those rlm@2: things? Was it even Nadeshiko? How could it be? rlm@2: “It really is me, Sonomi,” Nadeshiko spoke up from across the room, rlm@2: cutting into her thoughts. “I wanted to see you again. I miss you.” She frowned rlm@2: sadly as her eyes met her cousin’s again. “I have ever since you left me. I was rlm@2: never truly happy after I lost you, Sonomi. I wanted you to see my babies and to rlm@2: be there just like we always talked about when we were little. I needed my big rlm@2: cousin to watch out for me. You know I’m no good at it on my own.” A sad rlm@2: laugh escaped her lips. “I just... My wedding night? Did you have to leave on rlm@2: my wedding night?” Tears glistened in emerald green eyes. rlm@2: The taller woman felt as if she’d been shot through the heart at the rlm@2: wavering in Nadeshiko’s voice. “What? Nadeshiko-chan, you weren’t supposed rlm@2: to know about it. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. If I’d known...” rlm@2: She closed her eyes but opened them hastily, afraid that her dearest Nadeshiko rlm@2: would disappear, leaving her all alone once more. rlm@2: “You’d have what? Left later when I couldn’t come find you and beg rlm@2: you to stay?” Nadeshiko asked softly. “Do you know how much that night hurt? rlm@2: I had just gotten married and found out that you were going away. That I would rlm@2: never see my cousin, my best friend, ever again. Seeing the hurt in your eyes... I rlm@2: couldn’t take it. Fujitaka found me crying in my wedding dress after I’d watched rlm@2: you walk away for good. And then I had to put on a smile for the few members rlm@2: of my family that actually came to my wedding.” As soon as the words were rlm@2: out, she regretted them. No matter how painful that night had been for her, it had rlm@2: been infinitely more painful for her cousin. Sonomi had felt betrayed, lost, torn rlm@2: apart. She had nothing to do but run away. What would have happened had rlm@2: Sonomi stayed? That would have just hurt her even more. rlm@2: The room blurred around Sonomi as her eyes began welling with tears, rlm@2: that painful night still vivid in her memory even after all those years. “I had to rlm@2: see you one last time. I felt like I was dying the entire ceremony. One knife in rlm@2: my heart after another. I could barely keep quiet when they asked if anyone had rlm@2: any objections. I could barely hold in the tears. But I tried my damnedest to get rlm@2: that bouquet of yours. I still have it, actually. Nadeshiko-chan, I had to see your rlm@2: wedding but I couldn’t bear to be a part of your life after that. It hurt too much rlm@2: knowing that I’d lost you forever. You can understand that, right? You knew I rlm@2: loved you but you married him anyway. You mean everything to me, but every rlm@2: time I saw you with him, I felt a piece of me die. I had nothing to live for rlm@2: without you. It took me years, until I had Tomoyo-chan, that I finally had a rlm@2: reason again.” rlm@2: “Sonomi...” Nadeshiko whispered sadly. “I’m so sorry, Sonomi... You rlm@2: know that I would never want to hurt you. I... I tried to find you... I looked rlm@2: everywhere but... no one would tell me...” Tears started spilling down her pale rlm@2: cheeks as the pain of the past took a firm grip on her soul. “Grandpa... He rlm@2: wouldn’t even tell me... He said you didn’t.. didn’t… didn’t want to see me..” A rlm@2: muffled sob escaped her lips as she brought her hands up. Something caught rlm@2: them before they could reach her face. Looking up, she saw Sonomi looking rlm@2: down at her, gently holding her hands. rlm@2: “Nadeshiko-chan,” Sonomi whispered softly, kneeling in front of the rlm@2: sitting girl. “I’m sorry. I made a huge mistake leaving, but I couldn’t live with rlm@2: myself seeing… HIM… with you. I loved you too much. I started over rlm@2: somewhere else, but I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving rlm@2: you.” Bringing her hand up to the other woman’s face, she brushed some of the rlm@2: long gray hair back, letting her fingers caress her soft cheek. She shook her rlm@2: head. “Of course I wanted to see you. But I couldn’t handle it. There’s no way I rlm@2: could have seen the two of you and kept from breaking down.” rlm@2: “But..” Nadeshiko sniffled, blinking her wet eyes. “I missed you so rlm@2: much. I wanted to see you so badly. You were supposed to protect me like you rlm@2: always promised when we were little. I always felt safe with you. I lost that rlm@2: feeling when you left. I needed you.” She closed her eyes as she felt Sonomi’s rlm@2: fingers brush away her tears. The pain inside dulled slightly at Sonomi’s touch, rlm@2: it always managing to comfort her. “Sonomi...” All of her fears about returning rlm@2: to Sonomi seemed to fade away now that she was here with her cousin. rlm@2: “Not one day goes by when I don’t think about you. Life’s been rlm@2: unbearable ever since I last saw you. But somehow I’m still here and you’re rlm@2: gone. It’s not fair...” Closing her eyes for a moment, Sonomi had to take a breath rlm@2: before continuing. “I love you so much, Nadeshiko-chan. Why couldn’t I protect rlm@2: you from him? I failed you.” rlm@2: Nadeshiko placed a finger on Sonomi’s lips, shaking her head. “It’s not rlm@2: his fault, Sonomi. Had I been with you, I still would have died. I got sick. There rlm@2: was nothing you could have done. Please don’t blame yourself. Or him. You rlm@2: have a beautiful daughter and my two precious angels came out of it, so it’s not rlm@2: all bad. Thought I do regret not choosing you back then, Sonomi. I’ve missed rlm@2: you terribly. I lost you when I made my decision. But you have to understand, I rlm@2: was so afraid. I knew no one would understand if I chose you, that it was all so rlm@2: strange. It seemed so much safer choosing him. But I never stopped loving you, rlm@2: either. My love for him was... different.” Her fingers lightly brushed over rlm@2: Sonomi’s lips, a soft smile forming on her own. “But it’s you I’m waiting for. I rlm@2: promise I’ll make it up to you. You were the one I needed. I’m sorry I ever hurt rlm@2: you.” rlm@2: “Nadeshiko, don’t...” Sonomi began, but Nadeshiko’s hands on her rlm@2: cheeks pulled her into a soft kiss. Her loneliness, pain, and confusion all rlm@2: dissipated, her whole body being filled with the warm glow of her love for this rlm@2: beautiful woman in front of her. All the years of sorrow left her in an instant, her rlm@2: tears flowing more freely as she now had nothing to hold back. Her entire soul rlm@2: barred to her dearest, she returned the kiss as best she could. Years of regret and rlm@2: anger were replaced with a calm feeling spreading throughout her. Her fingers rlm@2: intertwined in Nadeshiko’s long silky tresses, losing herself in the deepening rlm@2: kiss. rlm@2: rlm@2: Nadeshiko watched Sonomi asleep with her head on the chair, still rlm@2: kneeling. She smiled softly, her fingers gently brushing through Sonomi eerily rlm@2: as she began to fade away. “I love you, Sonomi. I’m waiting for you. When I rlm@2: finally see you again, I’ll never let you go.” Sonomi stirred only slightly as she rlm@2: went back to her peaceful slumber, dreaming of her beloved. rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: