|
rlm@2
|
1
|
|
rlm@2
|
2
|
|
rlm@2
|
3 Letting Go
|
|
rlm@2
|
4
|
|
rlm@2
|
5 By: Dreiser
|
|
rlm@2
|
6
|
|
rlm@2
|
7
|
|
rlm@2
|
8 The cool night air touches my skin and I shiver under its soft
|
|
rlm@2
|
9 assault. Clasping my hands on the thick marble of the balcony I study
|
|
rlm@2
|
10 the night sky.
|
|
rlm@2
|
11 The sky is black. Black reminds me of death. Death reminds
|
|
rlm@2
|
12 me of myself.
|
|
rlm@2
|
13 A slight wind kicks up and I hug myself for warmth as I watch
|
|
rlm@2
|
14 the steady lap of the waves hitting the beach. Since I was little I've
|
|
rlm@2
|
15 loved the ocean.
|
|
rlm@2
|
16 It reminds me of the comforts and safety of childhood. When
|
|
rlm@2
|
17 things were much more simple.
|
|
rlm@2
|
18 As a child I knew what I wanted and I asked for it. It may
|
|
rlm@2
|
19 have taken me awhile to work up the courage to ask but nevertheless
|
|
rlm@2
|
20 I asked. And when I did I was usually rewarded by receiving
|
|
rlm@2
|
21 whatever I had asked for.
|
|
rlm@2
|
22 I'm now an adult and have since realized that simply asking for
|
|
rlm@2
|
23 something doesn't always insure that you'll get it.
|
|
rlm@2
|
24 Over the years I've always longed for one thing and one thing
|
|
rlm@2
|
25 only but I've yet to ask for it.
|
|
rlm@2
|
26 I doubt very much that I'll ever be able to work up the
|
|
rlm@2
|
27 courage to ask for it. As painful as it is sometimes you have to realize
|
|
rlm@2
|
28 that some things will remain unattainable.
|
|
rlm@2
|
29 And for me she will always remain unattainable.
|
|
rlm@2
|
30 "Aren't you cold out here?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
31 My eyes close at the irony of the situation. I simply think of
|
|
rlm@2
|
32 her and she appears. The Kami must enjoy to torture me because I
|
|
rlm@2
|
33 can find no other explanation for the horrible string of luck in my life.
|
|
rlm@2
|
34 I look to her and give a small smile.
|
|
rlm@2
|
35 "I don't mind the cold. I was looking at the stars. They're
|
|
rlm@2
|
36 pretty, aren't they?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
37 She walks closer and stops next to me. Her gentle hands rest
|
|
rlm@2
|
38 on the balcony as she tilts her head back to stare into the night sky
|
|
rlm@2
|
39 that once preoccupied me so.
|
|
rlm@2
|
40 "They're very pretty."
|
|
rlm@2
|
41 Her gaze locks with my own and she adds softly.
|
|
rlm@2
|
42 "Just like you."
|
|
rlm@2
|
43 I duck my eyes and I can feel my cheeks flush from her
|
|
rlm@2
|
44 words. Why must she always tease me so? I know that nothing can
|
|
rlm@2
|
45 come from it. She's much too good for me and I know it. Her strength
|
|
rlm@2
|
46 is amazing and it is because I've seen that strength with my own eyes
|
|
rlm@2
|
47 that I know she would never want an emotional weakling like me.
|
|
rlm@2
|
48 "Thank you."
|
|
rlm@2
|
49 "For what? All I did was tell the truth."
|
|
rlm@2
|
50 There's a hint of rage in her voice and I meet her eyes upon
|
|
rlm@2
|
51 hearing it. She studies me closely and I shrink under her gaze. It has
|
|
rlm@2
|
52 always bothered me... the attention of others.
|
|
rlm@2
|
53 She suddenly sets her jaw and questions.
|
|
rlm@2
|
54 "You don't believe me do you? You think I was just being
|
|
rlm@2
|
55 nice when I said that you were pretty."
|
|
rlm@2
|
56 I blink at the anger in her words and I can only stare at her
|
|
rlm@2
|
57 helplessly as she continues on.
|
|
rlm@2
|
58 "I wouldn't lie about something like that! Why would I? What
|
|
rlm@2
|
59 purpose would it serve?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
60 In a movement of obvious frustration she shakes her head and
|
|
rlm@2
|
61 runs her fingers through tousled bangs. She gives a ragged sigh and
|
|
rlm@2
|
62 looks to me.
|
|
rlm@2
|
63 "You're the only one who can do this to me, you do know
|
|
rlm@2
|
64 that right? I've had to learn perfect diplomacy over the years but as
|
|
rlm@2
|
65 soon as I talk to you..." She rolls her eyes and says wryly, "It seems
|
|
rlm@2
|
66 to fly right out the window."
|
|
rlm@2
|
67 There is a long moment of silence and I study her through
|
|
rlm@2
|
68 lidded eyes before I offer my defense.
|
|
rlm@2
|
69 "I'm sorry."
|
|
rlm@2
|
70 Her gaze drops to the railing of the balcony and she slumps
|
|
rlm@2
|
71 onto it burying her head in her arms. She sighs once again and says in
|
|
rlm@2
|
72 muffled tones.
|
|
rlm@2
|
73 "Sorry for what? You didn't do anything. You never do
|
|
rlm@2
|
74 anything. It's always me."
|
|
rlm@2
|
75 My body goes numb when I hear this. I never do anything?
|
|
rlm@2
|
76 She doesn't know just how right she is. After all, I've let countless
|
|
rlm@2
|
77 years pass without ever doing anything about my feelings for her.
|
|
rlm@2
|
78 While she keeps trying... for some reason she keeps trying to be
|
|
rlm@2
|
79 friends with me.
|
|
rlm@2
|
80 I lock my gaze onto her. She has lifted her head and her chin
|
|
rlm@2
|
81 rests on her arms as she stares out into the ocean. I desire her... I
|
|
rlm@2
|
82 want her... I love her...
|
|
rlm@2
|
83 It's about time that I told her that.
|
|
rlm@2
|
84 "It embarrasses me when you give me compliments. It
|
|
rlm@2
|
85 embarrasses me because of how they make me feel."
|
|
rlm@2
|
86 She looks up at me in quiet disbelief.
|
|
rlm@2
|
87 "How... how do they make you feel?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
88 "Loved."
|
|
rlm@2
|
89 "Loved?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
90 "Yes. I know you don't love me--"
|
|
rlm@2
|
91 "Of course I do! You're my best friend! I--"
|
|
rlm@2
|
92 I shake my head at this and interrupt her with gentle words
|
|
rlm@2
|
93 laced with steel.
|
|
rlm@2
|
94 "No. I meant that you don't love me as I love you. I know that
|
|
rlm@2
|
95 you care for me as a friend but I no longer care for you that way."
|
|
rlm@2
|
96 In a smooth graceful movement she pushes herself up to stand
|
|
rlm@2
|
97 at her full height across from me. She reaches out to take my hand
|
|
rlm@2
|
98 tenderly into her own.
|
|
rlm@2
|
99 "I don't understand what you're saying."
|
|
rlm@2
|
100 My eyes remain focused on the cold marble of the balcony
|
|
rlm@2
|
101 floor. Slowly I lift my gaze to meet hers and swallowing the lump in
|
|
rlm@2
|
102 my throat I say simply.
|
|
rlm@2
|
103 "I'm in love with you. I love you not as a friend but as a lover.
|
|
rlm@2
|
104 I have for quite some time now and that's why I've pushed you away
|
|
rlm@2
|
105 these past few years. It hurts too much to be with you and to still...
|
|
rlm@2
|
106 not be with you."
|
|
rlm@2
|
107 She releases my hands and turns from me. I watch as her
|
|
rlm@2
|
108 shoulders tense while she grips the railing to the balcony.
|
|
rlm@2
|
109 "You're in love with me?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
110 Before I can reply she faces me and her eyes are glowing with
|
|
rlm@2
|
111 a ferocity I've never seen in her.
|
|
rlm@2
|
112 "You've been in love with me for years now and you never felt
|
|
rlm@2
|
113 the need to tell me before now? Didn't you think that this is something
|
|
rlm@2
|
114 I'd like to know about?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
115 I blink at this. I never expected her to be indignant or angry at
|
|
rlm@2
|
116 me. Disgust or pity were the emotions that I had been expecting to
|
|
rlm@2
|
117 see from her. I meet her eyes then offer my oldest and most used
|
|
rlm@2
|
118 defense.
|
|
rlm@2
|
119 "I'm sorry."
|
|
rlm@2
|
120 "You're sorry? Is that all you can say?!"
|
|
rlm@2
|
121 She gives a sudden cry of frustration and looking up to the
|
|
rlm@2
|
122 heavens she mutters to herself. When she lowers her eyes to meet
|
|
rlm@2
|
123 mine she sighs and says.
|
|
rlm@2
|
124 "Idiot. I'm in love with you too."
|
|
rlm@2
|
125 My eyes go wide at this and I whisper.
|
|
rlm@2
|
126 "Really?"
|
|
rlm@2
|
127 At this she laughs lightly and walks to me. She gently cups my
|
|
rlm@2
|
128 face in her hands and I shiver as I feel her hot breath on my skin. Our
|
|
rlm@2
|
129 lips are millimeters apart as she replies.
|
|
rlm@2
|
130 "Really."
|
|
rlm@2
|
131 We draw together in a searing embrace and when we pull
|
|
rlm@2
|
132 apart from the need of air I can feel myself smiling. Her head rests on
|
|
rlm@2
|
133 my chest and I pull her closer. Hoping it isn't a dream I say her name.
|
|
rlm@2
|
134 "Chibiusa."
|
|
rlm@2
|
135 She lifts her head and warm scarlet eyes smile at me. The tips
|
|
rlm@2
|
136 of her fingers lightly caress my face and she says my name softly like it
|
|
rlm@2
|
137 was a prayer.
|
|
rlm@2
|
138 "Hotaru."
|
|
rlm@2
|
139 Our smiles deepen and as we move in for another passionate
|
|
rlm@2
|
140 embrace I can feel myself let go of my fears from the past because
|
|
rlm@2
|
141 now I have everything I've ever wanted.
|
|
rlm@2
|
142 And everything I could've ever asked for.
|
|
rlm@2
|
143
|
|
rlm@2
|
144 -End-
|
|
rlm@2
|
145
|
|
rlm@2
|
146 Both characters from this fanfiction are from Sailor Moon. I came up
|
|
rlm@2
|
147 with this fanfic because some friends asked me to try a hand at this
|
|
rlm@2
|
148 couple. I normally don't think of Chibausa and Hotaru in romantic
|
|
rlm@2
|
149 terms but since reading the fanfics by the Amazoness Duo I've
|
|
rlm@2
|
150 changed my mind. Please don't write to me saying that these
|
|
rlm@2
|
151 characters are much too young for this sort of thing. I realize that and I
|
|
rlm@2
|
152 did age them appropriately in this story so nothing scandalous would
|
|
rlm@2
|
153 be going on. Now I'm off to listen to the Key: The Metal Idol
|
|
rlm@2
|
154 soundtrack.
|
|
rlm@2
|
155
|
|
rlm@2
|
156 Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
|
|
rlm@2
|
157
|
|
rlm@2
|
158 "Hanging onto the past, it only stands in the way. We have to go for a
|
|
rlm@2
|
159 love that lasts."
|
|
rlm@2
|
160 -Tina Turner-
|
|
rlm@2
|
161
|
|
rlm@2
|
162
|
|
rlm@2
|
163
|
