rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: Letting Go rlm@2: rlm@2: By: Dreiser rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: The cool night air touches my skin and I shiver under its soft rlm@2: assault. Clasping my hands on the thick marble of the balcony I study rlm@2: the night sky. rlm@2: The sky is black. Black reminds me of death. Death reminds rlm@2: me of myself. rlm@2: A slight wind kicks up and I hug myself for warmth as I watch rlm@2: the steady lap of the waves hitting the beach. Since I was little I've rlm@2: loved the ocean. rlm@2: It reminds me of the comforts and safety of childhood. When rlm@2: things were much more simple. rlm@2: As a child I knew what I wanted and I asked for it. It may rlm@2: have taken me awhile to work up the courage to ask but nevertheless rlm@2: I asked. And when I did I was usually rewarded by receiving rlm@2: whatever I had asked for. rlm@2: I'm now an adult and have since realized that simply asking for rlm@2: something doesn't always insure that you'll get it. rlm@2: Over the years I've always longed for one thing and one thing rlm@2: only but I've yet to ask for it. rlm@2: I doubt very much that I'll ever be able to work up the rlm@2: courage to ask for it. As painful as it is sometimes you have to realize rlm@2: that some things will remain unattainable. rlm@2: And for me she will always remain unattainable. rlm@2: "Aren't you cold out here?" rlm@2: My eyes close at the irony of the situation. I simply think of rlm@2: her and she appears. The Kami must enjoy to torture me because I rlm@2: can find no other explanation for the horrible string of luck in my life. rlm@2: I look to her and give a small smile. rlm@2: "I don't mind the cold. I was looking at the stars. They're rlm@2: pretty, aren't they?" rlm@2: She walks closer and stops next to me. Her gentle hands rest rlm@2: on the balcony as she tilts her head back to stare into the night sky rlm@2: that once preoccupied me so. rlm@2: "They're very pretty." rlm@2: Her gaze locks with my own and she adds softly. rlm@2: "Just like you." rlm@2: I duck my eyes and I can feel my cheeks flush from her rlm@2: words. Why must she always tease me so? I know that nothing can rlm@2: come from it. She's much too good for me and I know it. Her strength rlm@2: is amazing and it is because I've seen that strength with my own eyes rlm@2: that I know she would never want an emotional weakling like me. rlm@2: "Thank you." rlm@2: "For what? All I did was tell the truth." rlm@2: There's a hint of rage in her voice and I meet her eyes upon rlm@2: hearing it. She studies me closely and I shrink under her gaze. It has rlm@2: always bothered me... the attention of others. rlm@2: She suddenly sets her jaw and questions. rlm@2: "You don't believe me do you? You think I was just being rlm@2: nice when I said that you were pretty." rlm@2: I blink at the anger in her words and I can only stare at her rlm@2: helplessly as she continues on. rlm@2: "I wouldn't lie about something like that! Why would I? What rlm@2: purpose would it serve?" rlm@2: In a movement of obvious frustration she shakes her head and rlm@2: runs her fingers through tousled bangs. She gives a ragged sigh and rlm@2: looks to me. rlm@2: "You're the only one who can do this to me, you do know rlm@2: that right? I've had to learn perfect diplomacy over the years but as rlm@2: soon as I talk to you..." She rolls her eyes and says wryly, "It seems rlm@2: to fly right out the window." rlm@2: There is a long moment of silence and I study her through rlm@2: lidded eyes before I offer my defense. rlm@2: "I'm sorry." rlm@2: Her gaze drops to the railing of the balcony and she slumps rlm@2: onto it burying her head in her arms. She sighs once again and says in rlm@2: muffled tones. rlm@2: "Sorry for what? You didn't do anything. You never do rlm@2: anything. It's always me." rlm@2: My body goes numb when I hear this. I never do anything? rlm@2: She doesn't know just how right she is. After all, I've let countless rlm@2: years pass without ever doing anything about my feelings for her. rlm@2: While she keeps trying... for some reason she keeps trying to be rlm@2: friends with me. rlm@2: I lock my gaze onto her. She has lifted her head and her chin rlm@2: rests on her arms as she stares out into the ocean. I desire her... I rlm@2: want her... I love her... rlm@2: It's about time that I told her that. rlm@2: "It embarrasses me when you give me compliments. It rlm@2: embarrasses me because of how they make me feel." rlm@2: She looks up at me in quiet disbelief. rlm@2: "How... how do they make you feel?" rlm@2: "Loved." rlm@2: "Loved?" rlm@2: "Yes. I know you don't love me--" rlm@2: "Of course I do! You're my best friend! I--" rlm@2: I shake my head at this and interrupt her with gentle words rlm@2: laced with steel. rlm@2: "No. I meant that you don't love me as I love you. I know that rlm@2: you care for me as a friend but I no longer care for you that way." rlm@2: In a smooth graceful movement she pushes herself up to stand rlm@2: at her full height across from me. She reaches out to take my hand rlm@2: tenderly into her own. rlm@2: "I don't understand what you're saying." rlm@2: My eyes remain focused on the cold marble of the balcony rlm@2: floor. Slowly I lift my gaze to meet hers and swallowing the lump in rlm@2: my throat I say simply. rlm@2: "I'm in love with you. I love you not as a friend but as a lover. rlm@2: I have for quite some time now and that's why I've pushed you away rlm@2: these past few years. It hurts too much to be with you and to still... rlm@2: not be with you." rlm@2: She releases my hands and turns from me. I watch as her rlm@2: shoulders tense while she grips the railing to the balcony. rlm@2: "You're in love with me?" rlm@2: Before I can reply she faces me and her eyes are glowing with rlm@2: a ferocity I've never seen in her. rlm@2: "You've been in love with me for years now and you never felt rlm@2: the need to tell me before now? Didn't you think that this is something rlm@2: I'd like to know about?" rlm@2: I blink at this. I never expected her to be indignant or angry at rlm@2: me. Disgust or pity were the emotions that I had been expecting to rlm@2: see from her. I meet her eyes then offer my oldest and most used rlm@2: defense. rlm@2: "I'm sorry." rlm@2: "You're sorry? Is that all you can say?!" rlm@2: She gives a sudden cry of frustration and looking up to the rlm@2: heavens she mutters to herself. When she lowers her eyes to meet rlm@2: mine she sighs and says. rlm@2: "Idiot. I'm in love with you too." rlm@2: My eyes go wide at this and I whisper. rlm@2: "Really?" rlm@2: At this she laughs lightly and walks to me. She gently cups my rlm@2: face in her hands and I shiver as I feel her hot breath on my skin. Our rlm@2: lips are millimeters apart as she replies. rlm@2: "Really." rlm@2: We draw together in a searing embrace and when we pull rlm@2: apart from the need of air I can feel myself smiling. Her head rests on rlm@2: my chest and I pull her closer. Hoping it isn't a dream I say her name. rlm@2: "Chibiusa." rlm@2: She lifts her head and warm scarlet eyes smile at me. The tips rlm@2: of her fingers lightly caress my face and she says my name softly like it rlm@2: was a prayer. rlm@2: "Hotaru." rlm@2: Our smiles deepen and as we move in for another passionate rlm@2: embrace I can feel myself let go of my fears from the past because rlm@2: now I have everything I've ever wanted. rlm@2: And everything I could've ever asked for. rlm@2: rlm@2: -End- rlm@2: rlm@2: Both characters from this fanfiction are from Sailor Moon. I came up rlm@2: with this fanfic because some friends asked me to try a hand at this rlm@2: couple. I normally don't think of Chibausa and Hotaru in romantic rlm@2: terms but since reading the fanfics by the Amazoness Duo I've rlm@2: changed my mind. Please don't write to me saying that these rlm@2: characters are much too young for this sort of thing. I realize that and I rlm@2: did age them appropriately in this story so nothing scandalous would rlm@2: be going on. Now I'm off to listen to the Key: The Metal Idol rlm@2: soundtrack. rlm@2: rlm@2: Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com rlm@2: rlm@2: "Hanging onto the past, it only stands in the way. We have to go for a rlm@2: love that lasts." rlm@2: -Tina Turner- rlm@2: rlm@2: rlm@2: