|
rlm@2
|
1 Dear Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
2 Darlest Before the Dawn
|
|
rlm@2
|
3 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
|
|
rlm@2
|
4 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
|
|
rlm@2
|
5 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
|
|
rlm@2
|
6
|
|
rlm@2
|
7 Like a dolphin emerging from crystal blue water, Sakura exited a
|
|
rlm@2
|
8 small changing room with her usual energetic spirit. She smiled
|
|
rlm@2
|
9 beautifully into the camcorder capturing her image, looking only
|
|
rlm@2
|
10 mildly embarrassed. Her cheeks reddened ever so slightly as she
|
|
rlm@2
|
11 twirled with all of the grace that years of athletics had granted
|
|
rlm@2
|
12 her, her pumpkin colored pleated skirt twirling with her. Like a
|
|
rlm@2
|
13 professional dancer, her movement was smooth and captivating. The
|
|
rlm@2
|
14 camera angle remained constant, a memory frozen in time. Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
15 paused at last, smiling once again into the camera. Diamond tears
|
|
rlm@2
|
16 sparkled nearly imperceptibly at the corners of her emerald eyes.
|
|
rlm@2
|
17 After curtsying cutely, the brunette excused herself back into the
|
|
rlm@2
|
18 cramped changing room. The camcorder fell to the side as its owner
|
|
rlm@2
|
19 hurried near the small room concernedly. It had only been for a brief
|
|
rlm@2
|
20 second, possibly nothing more than a trick of the mind. But if there
|
|
rlm@2
|
21 was a single thing that Tomoyo could claim to be an expert in, it was
|
|
rlm@2
|
22 the usually genki brunette on the other end of the door.
|
|
rlm@2
|
23 “Sakura-chan, are you all right?” the camcorder’s owner asked
|
|
rlm@2
|
24 worriedly, only a short distance from the door that separated them.
|
|
rlm@2
|
25 Pale fingers moved in front of the camera’s line of sight, touching
|
|
rlm@2
|
26 briefly on the wood frame, wishing that she could dismiss it to get
|
|
rlm@2
|
27 to the girl inside. No, the woman inside. They weren’t children
|
|
rlm@2
|
28 anymore. And she was no longer the one to share in Sakura’s feelings.
|
|
rlm@2
|
29 If Sakura didn’t wish to tell her, then she had no right to pry.
|
|
rlm@2
|
30 “Hai,” a shaky voice replied from inside, one obviously trying to
|
|
rlm@2
|
31 cover recent tears. “I’ll be out in just a minute.”
|
|
rlm@2
|
32
|
|
rlm@2
|
33 With a touch of a button, the images before her dispersed into
|
|
rlm@2
|
34 darkness. Tomoyo sat in her dimly lit room, still staring at the now
|
|
rlm@2
|
35 blank screen that had held the vision of her darling Sakura. It was
|
|
rlm@2
|
36 from one of her last tapes, one she had taken during her trip to Hong
|
|
rlm@2
|
37 Kong. And one of the most disturbing. What had gotten to Sakura? What
|
|
rlm@2
|
38 had brought her sudden tears? It had only been the second day of
|
|
rlm@2
|
39 Tomoyo’s visit and they had spent many hours talking the night before
|
|
rlm@2
|
40 so it could very well have been a mixture of sleep deprivation and
|
|
rlm@2
|
41 the shock of finally being with her best friend again. But Tomoyo had
|
|
rlm@2
|
42 slowly begun to suspect something else as the cause of the tears. It
|
|
rlm@2
|
43 had to do with her videotaping Sakura again, of that she was certain.
|
|
rlm@2
|
44 Sakura had always been embarrassed when she would videotape her, but
|
|
rlm@2
|
45 this time there had been something else as well. Almost a sense of
|
|
rlm@2
|
46 relief from the gorgeous brunette, as if she was glad to be the focus
|
|
rlm@2
|
47 of Tomoyo’s camcorder once more. The tears had looked so sad, so
|
|
rlm@2
|
48 lonely. It tore at Tomoyo’s heart to know that they had to grace the
|
|
rlm@2
|
49 Cardmistress at all. So what did this mean? On it’s own, perhaps
|
|
rlm@2
|
50 nothing. But adding to it what had happened since and the sense of
|
|
rlm@2
|
51 longing that had been present in Sakura’s letters as of late, Tomoyo
|
|
rlm@2
|
52 could begin to make assumptions. She was on the verge of ruining
|
|
rlm@2
|
53 Sakura’s life. And she had to jump ship before that happened or she
|
|
rlm@2
|
54 would drag Sakura under with her.
|
|
rlm@2
|
55 Sakura’s understanding of her feelings for Tomoyo had always been
|
|
rlm@2
|
56 simple. Tomoyo was a good friend, someone she could trust with
|
|
rlm@2
|
57 anything, someone she could always count on, someone who would always
|
|
rlm@2
|
58 be there for her. In a way, she had never really seen Tomoyo. She
|
|
rlm@2
|
59 hadn’t looked at her, seen her for who she really was. Tomoyo had
|
|
rlm@2
|
60 always been behind the camera, and because of it, Sakura had never
|
|
rlm@2
|
61 truly understood her eccentric best friend or the feelings that went
|
|
rlm@2
|
62 along with her. But now it looked like Sakura was dangerously close
|
|
rlm@2
|
63 to understanding those feelings in an entirely new light. Tomoyo had
|
|
rlm@2
|
64 been dragged out from behind the camera by Sakura and could no longer
|
|
rlm@2
|
65 hide. Sakura had finally seen Tomoyo, had finally really looked at
|
|
rlm@2
|
66 her. That thought was deliciously exiting to Tomoyo, but it also set
|
|
rlm@2
|
67 her on the verge of tears because she knew what deeper meaning it
|
|
rlm@2
|
68 held. If Sakura began to see the love Tomoyo had held for her all
|
|
rlm@2
|
69 these years, or worse, in some way returned these feelings, it would
|
|
rlm@2
|
70 ruin her beautiful marriage and the wonderful new life she had begun.
|
|
rlm@2
|
71 She would never be able to simply reject Tomoyo. Sakura could never
|
|
rlm@2
|
72 bear to hurt her like that. It would slowly tear apart everything
|
|
rlm@2
|
73 Tomoyo had prayed for in Sakura’s life. And so Tomoyo had decided
|
|
rlm@2
|
74 long ago that it was best not to tell Sakura, that despite that
|
|
rlm@2
|
75 promise from years long past, she would not explain to Sakura when
|
|
rlm@2
|
76 they were older. It would only burden the brunette and cause
|
|
rlm@2
|
77 difficulty for her, even more so now that she was married.
|
|
rlm@2
|
78 Darkness surrounded Tomoyo, deep and all encompassing. She honestly
|
|
rlm@2
|
79 didn’t know whether or not her eyes were open, only that they stung
|
|
rlm@2
|
80 with fresh tears. A huge dilemma lay before her, and it had taken all
|
|
rlm@2
|
81 of her strength to try and come to a decision. Her heart and soul
|
|
rlm@2
|
82 argued over which course of action to take, about where her path
|
|
rlm@2
|
83 should take her. For a time, she had found it nearly impossible, lost
|
|
rlm@2
|
84 in the possibilities, surrounded by bittersweet memories that
|
|
rlm@2
|
85 beckoned her to join them. Slowly, shakily, she had reached out and
|
|
rlm@2
|
86 finally grasped onto her decision. Now all that was left was to see
|
|
rlm@2
|
87 it through to the end. In the end, it came down to the most important
|
|
rlm@2
|
88 thing in her life: Sakura’s happiness. And Tomoyo would gladly die
|
|
rlm@2
|
89 for it. She would suffer whatever was necessary to safeguard the
|
|
rlm@2
|
90 happiness of the one she loved.
|
|
rlm@2
|
91 But this was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life.
|
|
rlm@2
|
92 Helping to get Sakura with Syaoran in the first place had offered her
|
|
rlm@2
|
93 a momentary distraction from the depth of her own feelings, allowing
|
|
rlm@2
|
94 her to concentrate on Sakura’s best interests alone. The marriage had
|
|
rlm@2
|
95 been incredibly painful for her, but it had been tinged with the
|
|
rlm@2
|
96 knowledge that Sakura would be embarking on a new life with the one
|
|
rlm@2
|
97 she loved, and that had eased her pain. But this offered no solace.
|
|
rlm@2
|
98 There was no escape from the pain this time. She merely knew that it
|
|
rlm@2
|
99 had to be done. For Sakura’s sake, and for her own. Her gingerly
|
|
rlm@2
|
100 crafted masks were beginning to betray her. Cracks had begun to
|
|
rlm@2
|
101 spiderweb through her many masks after her recent contact with
|
|
rlm@2
|
102 Sakura. They were slowly becoming undone right in front of her eyes.
|
|
rlm@2
|
103 When Sakura had seen her, had actually looked at the girl that hid
|
|
rlm@2
|
104 behind the normally smiling portrait of Tomoyo Daidouji, the masks
|
|
rlm@2
|
105 she had hidden herself behind had slowly but surely begun to shatter,
|
|
rlm@2
|
106 leaving her defenseless to the unbridled passion of her own love and
|
|
rlm@2
|
107 unable to hide it from Sakura’s curious eyes. She could no longer
|
|
rlm@2
|
108 handle the pain of watching the woman she loved happily married.
|
|
rlm@2
|
109 Sakura’s happiness meant the world to her, but watching Sakura’s
|
|
rlm@2
|
110 marriage was beginning to take its toll on the pale ghost of a woman.
|
|
rlm@2
|
111 How could she have fooled herself into thinking she could sit by and
|
|
rlm@2
|
112 watch it? Had she really thought she could quell the feelings in her
|
|
rlm@2
|
113 own heart? It would have been easier to still her heart from beating
|
|
rlm@2
|
114 than to keep the love inside at bay. She had been a fool to think
|
|
rlm@2
|
115 that her masks would be able to hide her from the pain, to think that
|
|
rlm@2
|
116 she could remain simply Sakura’s friend in a far off land as Sakura’s
|
|
rlm@2
|
117 new life took her further and further away. Not just physical
|
|
rlm@2
|
118 distance either. The dark haired girl was simply no longer necessary.
|
|
rlm@2
|
119 At one point in time, Sakura had always come to her no matter what
|
|
rlm@2
|
120 the circumstances. She had trusted Tomoyo with her fragile heart and
|
|
rlm@2
|
121 Tomoyo had done her best to take good care of it, trying to set it on
|
|
rlm@2
|
122 the right path. But now she had another to go to when she ever wanted
|
|
rlm@2
|
123 for something. Her husband was now the most important person in
|
|
rlm@2
|
124 Sakura’s life. Even then, Sakura still came to Tomoyo with surprising
|
|
rlm@2
|
125 frequency. It was yet another reason for Tomoyo’s decision. She was
|
|
rlm@2
|
126 standing in the way of Sakura’s marriage. She was an unnecessary link
|
|
rlm@2
|
127 to Sakura’s past, holding the brunette back in the face of her own
|
|
rlm@2
|
128 marriage. Syaoran was the one she should go to now. He was the one
|
|
rlm@2
|
129 that should share her pain and heal her heart. It was no longer
|
|
rlm@2
|
130 Tomoyo’s right to do so.
|
|
rlm@2
|
131 Walking through the nearly pitch black room, Tomoyo hardly noticed
|
|
rlm@2
|
132 the fire that shot through her hip as she struck something in the
|
|
rlm@2
|
133 dark while walking. Ignoring it, the pale girl moved forward through
|
|
rlm@2
|
134 the shadows. Had anyone seen her then, they may very well have
|
|
rlm@2
|
135 mistaken her for a phantom, her pale features and tear streaked face
|
|
rlm@2
|
136 appearing almost translucent in the dim moonlight. Her room,
|
|
rlm@2
|
137 practically a shrine to her darling Sakura, now felt more like a
|
|
rlm@2
|
138 tomb. Her delicate hands finally found what she was searching for,
|
|
rlm@2
|
139 settling on the desk that had served her so well in the past. Whether
|
|
rlm@2
|
140 making costumes, labeling videotapes, or simply practicing for choir,
|
|
rlm@2
|
141 it had been a patient companion. These days, there were no more
|
|
rlm@2
|
142 costumes to be made, no more videotapes to label, and no more choir
|
|
rlm@2
|
143 to practice for. It held several slips of paper and a picture frame
|
|
rlm@2
|
144 on it vast expanses.
|
|
rlm@2
|
145 Collapsing weakly into the chair, Tomoyo burst into fresh tears,
|
|
rlm@2
|
146 sobbing quietly in the darkness as she was assaulted by a fresh wave
|
|
rlm@2
|
147 of agony. Was this the only way? Could she possibly find another
|
|
rlm@2
|
148 solution? No, this was her last option. She had to go through with
|
|
rlm@2
|
149 it. She couldn’t risk Sakura’s future any longer through her own
|
|
rlm@2
|
150 selfishness. If she truly loved the other woman, she would have to
|
|
rlm@2
|
151 see this through. That finally slowed her aching sobs, though it did
|
|
rlm@2
|
152 nothing for her shredded heart. With intentional care, Tomoyo slowly
|
|
rlm@2
|
153 continued to write the address on the envelope that lay before her,
|
|
rlm@2
|
154 concentrating as best she could on each and every character. Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
155 had told her that her writing was beautiful. She had to make sure
|
|
rlm@2
|
156 that it was lovely for Sakura’s sake. Because Sakura deserved no less
|
|
rlm@2
|
157 and she needed to make sure that Sakura didn’t think anything was
|
|
rlm@2
|
158 wrong. If she was going to succeed, then she had to make sure that
|
|
rlm@2
|
159 the letter didn’t worry her dear friend.
|
|
rlm@2
|
160 Memories are such fragile things. They lay tentatively on the edge
|
|
rlm@2
|
161 of one’s mind. Sometimes they would fade to protect their owner.
|
|
rlm@2
|
162 Other times, time itself would take its toll on them, wearing them
|
|
rlm@2
|
163 down into nothing. But there was something that existed beyond
|
|
rlm@2
|
164 memories, not simply the images and feelings that were conjured about
|
|
rlm@2
|
165 things from the past, but a deeper flame that could never be
|
|
rlm@2
|
166 extinguished. Memories of the heart. Tomoyo knew that she could never
|
|
rlm@2
|
167 forget Sakura, that the love in her heart would never fade away. But
|
|
rlm@2
|
168 in many ways, that made it so much harder to continue forward. Even
|
|
rlm@2
|
169 then, she would never want any of it to disappear. Her tapes of
|
|
rlm@2
|
170 Sakura left her with a wonderful look back at the past, crystalline
|
|
rlm@2
|
171 moments that she could treasure. They were an extensive documentary
|
|
rlm@2
|
172 on the beautiful brunette spanning nine glorious years. Tomoyo was
|
|
rlm@2
|
173 only sorry that they had to end now. She watched her tapes over and
|
|
rlm@2
|
174 over, reliving the time spent with her beloved Sakura. And for an all
|
|
rlm@2
|
175 too brief moment, they would be together again.
|
|
rlm@2
|
176 Picking up an old costume design that she had never finished, Tomoyo
|
|
rlm@2
|
177 began to write on the back, the words gushing forth as a dam inside
|
|
rlm@2
|
178 of her finally burst open.
|
|
rlm@2
|
179
|
|
rlm@2
|
180 ‘Dear Sakura-chan,
|
|
rlm@2
|
181 As I sit here writing this, I see your beautiful face in my mind’s
|
|
rlm@2
|
182 eye, your sweet smile sending ripples throughout the stormy ocean of
|
|
rlm@2
|
183 my soul. I know that you may hate me for this, and though I could
|
|
rlm@2
|
184 hardly bear the thought of you ever hating me, I know that I must go
|
|
rlm@2
|
185 through with this. I’m not sure if I can explain why, but it doesn’t
|
|
rlm@2
|
186 really matter. Please know that you have always been the most
|
|
rlm@2
|
187 treasured thing in my life. I would never wish to hurt you. That’s
|
|
rlm@2
|
188 why I have to say goodbye.
|
|
rlm@2
|
189 Our time together in Hong Kong was like a gorgeous dream that I
|
|
rlm@2
|
190 never wished to wake up from. Even though I must finally awaken, I
|
|
rlm@2
|
191 will carry that dream with me always. Being with you was more magical
|
|
rlm@2
|
192 than any of the Cards you have in your possession. Your true power
|
|
rlm@2
|
193 doesn’t come from your magic or the Sakura Cards. It comes from the
|
|
rlm@2
|
194 indomitable force in your heart. That power has always pushed you
|
|
rlm@2
|
195 forward in life, and I was happy to be pulled along in its wake.
|
|
rlm@2
|
196 Nurturing it and helping it grow inside of you always brought a smile
|
|
rlm@2
|
197 to my lips. But now you have outgrown me. You no longer need my
|
|
rlm@2
|
198 helpful hand in the way. Like a mother watching her child venture out
|
|
rlm@2
|
199 into the world, it’s time that I let you go forth on your own. Please
|
|
rlm@2
|
200 don’t worry. I know that you must be thinking it isn’t so, that
|
|
rlm@2
|
201 there’s still some use for me. But I have seen you grow and mature
|
|
rlm@2
|
202 into a beautiful woman. Strong, confident, courageous. Sweet,
|
|
rlm@2
|
203 innocent, gentle. All of the qualities that so enamored me with you
|
|
rlm@2
|
204 for all of these years. You no longer need my love and support to go
|
|
rlm@2
|
205 forward. These are now within your own heart. When you need that
|
|
rlm@2
|
206 extra bit of love and encouragement, I know you will be able to find
|
|
rlm@2
|
207 it in your husband. So though tears dot this letter, please know that
|
|
rlm@2
|
208 I leave you in capable hands. I have always trusted you with all my
|
|
rlm@2
|
209 heart. I know that wherever your path in life leads, you will be able
|
|
rlm@2
|
210 to handle the roads ahead with ease. Nothing can hold back the lovely
|
|
rlm@2
|
211 and unstoppable Sakura-chan!
|
|
rlm@2
|
212 I know that I promised you long ago that I would explain what I
|
|
rlm@2
|
213 meant about the differences in our love when you were older. I’m
|
|
rlm@2
|
214 sorry that I never did. I thought that it would only interfere with
|
|
rlm@2
|
215 your life, with your feelings for Syaoran. I knew that you wouldn’t
|
|
rlm@2
|
216 be able to reject me outright. Your heart is too kind for that. And
|
|
rlm@2
|
217 in doing so, you may have ruined your chances at the marriage you now
|
|
rlm@2
|
218 find yourself in. So I will explain right here, where there is no
|
|
rlm@2
|
219 fear of the rejection you wouldn’t have put me through or the damage
|
|
rlm@2
|
220 it could have caused. All is already said and done, so this is merely
|
|
rlm@2
|
221 an afterthought, an explanation so perhaps you may understand your
|
|
rlm@2
|
222 best friend a little better and why I acted the way I did for all of
|
|
rlm@2
|
223 the years you’ve known me. Years ago, you were only a child of ten at
|
|
rlm@2
|
224 the time, I told you that I loved you. You said that you loved me,
|
|
rlm@2
|
225 too. It was so cute to hear you say that. You always were an
|
|
rlm@2
|
226 extremely sweet girl, Sakura-chan. My heart swelled to hear your
|
|
rlm@2
|
227 words, even though I knew you didn’t understand what I meant. I told
|
|
rlm@2
|
228 you that our love was different, that I would explain when you were
|
|
rlm@2
|
229 older. I’m sorry for taking so long to deliver my promise to you.
|
|
rlm@2
|
230 Love is such a vast and varied thing. There are so many depths and
|
|
rlm@2
|
231 intricacies that sometimes make it almost impossible to discern. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
232 know that you yourself have had difficulty understanding the
|
|
rlm@2
|
233 different forms of love in the past. Our love is very different from
|
|
rlm@2
|
234 each other’s love. You love Syaoran as your prince, your one True
|
|
rlm@2
|
235 Love, as your other half. You love me as your friend, your confidant,
|
|
rlm@2
|
236 and as a sister. I love you as my prince, my one True Love, my other
|
|
rlm@2
|
237 half. That is why I always wanted you to know how much I cared about
|
|
rlm@2
|
238 you, why I tried to show my love for you in everything I did, even if
|
|
rlm@2
|
239 you loved another. You are my special someone, Sakura-chan, the one
|
|
rlm@2
|
240 who captured my heart so long ago. Videotaping you, designing
|
|
rlm@2
|
241 costumes for you, even simply watching you filled my heart with joy.
|
|
rlm@2
|
242 Love can be an extremely strong force and it has had me in its grasp
|
|
rlm@2
|
243 for quite a long time now. I am lost to it, but I would never wish to
|
|
rlm@2
|
244 be found if it meant giving up the warmth and delight that it offers
|
|
rlm@2
|
245 me. Being in love with you has always been my fondest wish come true.
|
|
rlm@2
|
246 To love someone so charming, so enchanting, is something that most
|
|
rlm@2
|
247 people can only dream about. The way I looked at you, the way I
|
|
rlm@2
|
248 fawned over you, it was always with love in my eyes. It never once
|
|
rlm@2
|
249 mattered to me that you were a girl, though I know you didn’t
|
|
rlm@2
|
250 understand such things with the puzzled look you gave me when I tried
|
|
rlm@2
|
251 to explain my mother’s preferences. Sakura-chan is Sakura-chan.
|
|
rlm@2
|
252 Brave, beautiful, generous, genki. I love you for who you are. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
253 would never want to change you in the least. Images of you fill my
|
|
rlm@2
|
254 mind, swirling like pictures in a kaleidoscope. I love you, Sakura-
|
|
rlm@2
|
255 chan.
|
|
rlm@2
|
256 Everyone loved Sakura-chan, so I was not at all surprised that
|
|
rlm@2
|
257 someone else would eventually win your heart. I told you that I
|
|
rlm@2
|
258 wanted my special someone to be happy even if they couldn’t be with
|
|
rlm@2
|
259 me and I meant that. Your happiness means everything to me. If you
|
|
rlm@2
|
260 truly love someone, if your heart belongs completely to them, then
|
|
rlm@2
|
261 their happiness is truly your heart’s desire. Because you want the
|
|
rlm@2
|
262 person you love to be filled with joy, to live a life that will be
|
|
rlm@2
|
263 thrilling and fulfilling to them. I told you that I would be happy if
|
|
rlm@2
|
264 my special someone returned my feelings, but that their happiness was
|
|
rlm@2
|
265 what I wanted above all else. And that’s exactly how I feel. If you
|
|
rlm@2
|
266 could be happier with someone else, if someone else could bring out
|
|
rlm@2
|
267 the love in your heart, then that’s what I wanted for you. Even
|
|
rlm@2
|
268 mother feels this way, though she doesn’t entirely understand it.
|
|
rlm@2
|
269 When you were here, she explained that your father made your mother
|
|
rlm@2
|
270 happy. Mother has strong feelings against your father because he took
|
|
rlm@2
|
271 Nadeshiko-san away from her, but when she looks at you, she truly
|
|
rlm@2
|
272 knows that Nadeshiko-san was happy and that calms her spirits.
|
|
rlm@2
|
273 Because she loved Nadeshiko-san as much as I love you. Which is why I
|
|
rlm@2
|
274 know she understands my feelings for you. What she didn’t understand
|
|
rlm@2
|
275 is why I tried to push you towards Li-kun. I don’t know if you
|
|
rlm@2
|
276 understand that or not, so I will try to explain. I wanted you to be
|
|
rlm@2
|
277 happy above all else. I wanted you to fall in love with your prince,
|
|
rlm@2
|
278 to have a happy marriage, to have beautiful children, to live your
|
|
rlm@2
|
279 life to the fullest. I could tell that Li-kun was falling in love
|
|
rlm@2
|
280 with you and that the two of you got along very well. You really were
|
|
rlm@2
|
281 cute together. I wanted him to tell you and I tried to help him
|
|
rlm@2
|
282 along, to get him to express his feelings to you. I know it wasn’t
|
|
rlm@2
|
283 fair that I told him to tell you his feelings while I was silent
|
|
rlm@2
|
284 about my own, but I thought that you could be happy with him. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
285 thought he could be your one true love. As Kero-chan has said before,
|
|
rlm@2
|
286 there’s no such thing as coincidence. He was your partner, your
|
|
rlm@2
|
287 helper in Cardcapting. He protected you and was there alongside you
|
|
rlm@2
|
288 while I was hidden away behind a camera, watching it all happen. He
|
|
rlm@2
|
289 could give you a child, protect you, and love you. I thought that you
|
|
rlm@2
|
290 felt something for him as well, so I tried my hardest to help the two
|
|
rlm@2
|
291 of you along. My goal was to see Sakura-chan happily in love. I’m
|
|
rlm@2
|
292 glad that I managed to help see that come to pass. Perhaps that was
|
|
rlm@2
|
293 my part in Clow Reed’s grand plan, to help your heart grow and mature
|
|
rlm@2
|
294 and to find the love you so deserved. You’re now the most powerful
|
|
rlm@2
|
295 magician on the planet with a loving husband and an exciting new
|
|
rlm@2
|
296 life. That makes me happy. I knew my wonderful Sakura-chan could
|
|
rlm@2
|
297 accomplish anything.
|
|
rlm@2
|
298 So now I must fade away from your life, my mission finally complete.
|
|
rlm@2
|
299 Please know that I will always love you, Sakura-chan. That love will
|
|
rlm@2
|
300 never fade. I will always be by your side, my heart and soul yours to
|
|
rlm@2
|
301 command. They will always offer you their love and support. Please
|
|
rlm@2
|
302 don’t cry for me. It makes me sad when Sakura-chan’s sad. Please
|
|
rlm@2
|
303 smile and greet the new day knowing that your best friend got her
|
|
rlm@2
|
304 dearest wish in just watching you. As long as you’re happy, I will
|
|
rlm@2
|
305 be, too. Thank you so much for being my best friend, for letting me
|
|
rlm@2
|
306 into your life. Leaving it is the hardest thing I have ever done, but
|
|
rlm@2
|
307 I do so content in the knowledge that my sweet Sakura-chan is well
|
|
rlm@2
|
308 taken care of.
|
|
rlm@2
|
309
|
|
rlm@2
|
310 Farewell,
|
|
rlm@2
|
311 Daidouji Tomoyo
|
|
rlm@2
|
312
|
|
rlm@2
|
313 I’ll miss you so much, Sakura-chan.’
|
|
rlm@2
|
314
|
|
rlm@2
|
315
|
|
rlm@2
|
316 Stars sprinkled into Tomoyo’s room with barely visible pinpricks of
|
|
rlm@2
|
317 light, vaguely illuminating the half finished costume design on the
|
|
rlm@2
|
318 paper she had used to write her letter to Sakura. “Sakura-chan...”
|
|
rlm@2
|
319 her broken voice choked out, another sob wracking her small body. Her
|
|
rlm@2
|
320 hands went to her face, dark hair draping around her like a death
|
|
rlm@2
|
321 shroud as strangled sobs escaped her lips. Her heart felt like broken
|
|
rlm@2
|
322 glass, an antique accidentally knocked off a table by an overzealous
|
|
rlm@2
|
323 child, unsalvageable except for several jagged fragments. Despair
|
|
rlm@2
|
324 brushed its fingers through her hair, bringing its chilling shadow
|
|
rlm@2
|
325 across her heart. “Sakura-chan...” she whimpered again, tears falling
|
|
rlm@2
|
326 unheeded to the desk and the letter it held. What was she to do? How
|
|
rlm@2
|
327 could she live without Sakura? A midnight black thought entered her
|
|
rlm@2
|
328 mind in reply; how could she live her life with Sakura? She was close
|
|
rlm@2
|
329 to shattering completely, the cracks in her façade already becoming
|
|
rlm@2
|
330 evident. If she stayed in Sakura’s life, watched her love in her new
|
|
rlm@2
|
331 life and marriage, it would undoubtedly kill her. She hadn’t
|
|
rlm@2
|
332 understood how painful it would be as a child, hope still clinging
|
|
rlm@2
|
333 desperately to her heart at the time. ‘I knew that Sakura-chan would
|
|
rlm@2
|
334 come and rescue me,’ she had once said. No, this wasn’t her fairy
|
|
rlm@2
|
335 tale. It was Sakura’s. Which is why she had to leave it so that
|
|
rlm@2
|
336 Sakura could have her fairy tale ending and live happily ever after.
|
|
rlm@2
|
337 No matter how much it hurt her to do so, she had to go through with
|
|
rlm@2
|
338 it. For Sakura to live, she had to die. Her stormy blue eyes fought
|
|
rlm@2
|
339 back another wave of tears as her body shook painfully. Her heart
|
|
rlm@2
|
340 ached for Sakura, images of the brunette appearing vividly in her
|
|
rlm@2
|
341 mind. “Don’t you make me happy,” her musical voice got out weakly
|
|
rlm@2
|
342 before it broke.
|
|
rlm@2
|
343 Numb fingers reached out slowly, grasping the letter in shaking
|
|
rlm@2
|
344 hands. “No... I can’t send this to Sakura-chan. I can’t send this to
|
|
rlm@2
|
345 her,” her gentle voice, no more than a whisper, seemed to disappear
|
|
rlm@2
|
346 before it even reached the young heiress’s ears. She held it up in
|
|
rlm@2
|
347 the dim light, barely able to make out the picture of Sakura in a
|
|
rlm@2
|
348 costume or the painstakingly crafted characters in her letter. It was
|
|
rlm@2
|
349 too sad. It would worry Sakura. She had to fade away from Sakura’s
|
|
rlm@2
|
350 life painlessly, leaving the brunette as simply as a dream that
|
|
rlm@2
|
351 disappeared when one tried to recall it. She held the letter tightly
|
|
rlm@2
|
352 to her chest as she choked back another sob. Leaving the now crumpled
|
|
rlm@2
|
353 letter on the side of her desk, Tomoyo pulled out a fresh piece of
|
|
rlm@2
|
354 paper and began to start all over again.
|
|
rlm@2
|
355 The thought that she would never see Sakura again cut into her
|
|
rlm@2
|
356 heart like a knife, each breath burning her further. She had known
|
|
rlm@2
|
357 this time would come for years now, but now that it was finally
|
|
rlm@2
|
358 happening, its crushing weight made any step forward seem impossible.
|
|
rlm@2
|
359 “I’ll never forget you, Sakura-chan,” she whispered, placing a soft
|
|
rlm@2
|
360 kiss on a picture frame that graced her desk. The picture of Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
361 smiled back happily, frozen forever in her expression of joy. With a
|
|
rlm@2
|
362 swift movement that almost scared Tomoyo, she shattered the picture
|
|
rlm@2
|
363 frame against the side of the desk. Glass fell quietly to the carpet,
|
|
rlm@2
|
364 Sakura’s picture fluttering free to lay atop them. Tomoyo reached
|
|
rlm@2
|
365 down, picking up the memory from years long past. She set it gingerly
|
|
rlm@2
|
366 on the desk, her fingers trailing Sakura’s features in the
|
|
rlm@2
|
367 photograph. How she wished she could step into the picture, to turn
|
|
rlm@2
|
368 back all these years so she could spend them with Sakura once more.
|
|
rlm@2
|
369 Even if things had to turn out this way, she would love to spend even
|
|
rlm@2
|
370 one slim moment with Sakura before she slipped away forever. Her hand
|
|
rlm@2
|
371 reached down again, picking up the biggest shard of glass off of the
|
|
rlm@2
|
372 floor. She barely noticed as it cut into her palm, the warm blood
|
|
rlm@2
|
373 trickling out over it seeming to be nothing more than a daydream. She
|
|
rlm@2
|
374 had to leave Sakura’s life, she knew that. But how could she just
|
|
rlm@2
|
375 tell Sakura that she was leaving her? How could she possibly write
|
|
rlm@2
|
376 Sakura a farewell letter? The warmth of her blood slipping through
|
|
rlm@2
|
377 her fingers felt so much nicer than the bitter cold that was wrapped
|
|
rlm@2
|
378 tightly around her heart. She had to escape Sakura’s life for both of
|
|
rlm@2
|
379 their sakes. She had to. Shaky fingers clutched the shard of glass
|
|
rlm@2
|
380 tighter, it’s sharp edge driving deeper into the soft flesh of her
|
|
rlm@2
|
381 hand. “Sakura-chan...” she whispered miserably. She couldn’t write
|
|
rlm@2
|
382 the letter. She could never tell Sakura goodbye like that. It was too
|
|
rlm@2
|
383 painful. She would just escape Sakura’s life now. It would be less
|
|
rlm@2
|
384 painful for them both that way. Sakura would forget about her soon
|
|
rlm@2
|
385 enough. She would be able to watch Sakura as her guardian angel,
|
|
rlm@2
|
386 could keep an eye on her beautiful life from up above.
|
|
rlm@2
|
387 “Forgive me, Sakura-chan. Please forgive me. I love you so much.”
|
|
rlm@2
|
388 Her stormy blue eyes shut tightly, Tomoyo brought the jagged glass to
|
|
rlm@2
|
389 her wrist and concentrated on the brunette as she felt the wet shard
|
|
rlm@2
|
390 press against soft skin. Tendrils of darkness and despair snaked out,
|
|
rlm@2
|
391 wrapping tightly around her heart. This was the only way. Sakura
|
|
rlm@2
|
392 would wake up from her dream named Tomoyo soon enough. And she would
|
|
rlm@2
|
393 be happy in her new life. If she didn’t do this, Sakura’s beautiful
|
|
rlm@2
|
394 life would come tumbling down, crushing the girl that Tomoyo loved so
|
|
rlm@2
|
395 dearly. Her pain was almost over. Just another few minutes...
|
|
rlm@2
|
396 The shard of glass fell silently to the floor, a small trail of
|
|
rlm@2
|
397 blood following it. Some crimson ran down Tomoyo’s wrist, pooling on
|
|
rlm@2
|
398 her desktop. Her head slumped to the desk as she began to cry again.
|
|
rlm@2
|
399 She couldn’t. Not yet. The thought of her mother finding her, cold
|
|
rlm@2
|
400 and dead had hit her like a shockwave. She couldn’t put her mother
|
|
rlm@2
|
401 through that. Sonomi had already lost so much. That would be terribly
|
|
rlm@2
|
402 cruel to her loving mother. Even worse, the knowledge that Sonomi
|
|
rlm@2
|
403 would call Sakura to the funeral sent a terrible chill through her.
|
|
rlm@2
|
404 She wanted to die to protect Sakura, to escape this pain, but that
|
|
rlm@2
|
405 would only serve to hurt Sakura even more. No, she had to wait. She
|
|
rlm@2
|
406 would be moving out in several days. She would go someplace far away
|
|
rlm@2
|
407 and disappear from Sakura’s life forever.
|
|
rlm@2
|
408
|
|
rlm@2
|
409 “So there you are, Tomoyo-chan. I was beginning to think you’d
|
|
rlm@2
|
410 fallen asleep in front of another of your videos again,” Sonomi
|
|
rlm@2
|
411 teased, smiling at her lavender haired daughter. Tomoyo looked paler
|
|
rlm@2
|
412 than usual this morning for some reason. Her stormy blue eyes looked
|
|
rlm@2
|
413 distant, their normal sparkle gone. The head of the Daidouji
|
|
rlm@2
|
414 household gasped when she saw the bandage around Tomoyo’s right hand
|
|
rlm@2
|
415 and left wrist. “Oh, Tomoyo-chan! What happened?” Bolting up, the
|
|
rlm@2
|
416 normally overcautious mother hurried to her daughter’s side. Patches
|
|
rlm@2
|
417 of red shown through the bandages covering her daughter’s delicate
|
|
rlm@2
|
418 hand. Tomoyo was still a little shorter than Sonomi but it took all
|
|
rlm@2
|
419 of the older woman’s self-restraint not to kneel down as she had when
|
|
rlm@2
|
420 Tomoyo had been a little girl.
|
|
rlm@2
|
421 Tomoyo smiled softly, but the smile didn’t meet her eyes. The dark,
|
|
rlm@2
|
422 stormy eyes looked dead, their depths dark and unyielding. Part of
|
|
rlm@2
|
423 that frightened Sonomi. Her daughter hid so much but she had always
|
|
rlm@2
|
424 managed to see past her masks and into those very emotional blue
|
|
rlm@2
|
425 eyes. They were the same as Sonomi’s own eyes, part of the reason she
|
|
rlm@2
|
426 suspected that she could see through to her daughter’s true feelings.
|
|
rlm@2
|
427 But this time it was as if there was nothing behind them or as if
|
|
rlm@2
|
428 they were completely cut off to her. “It’s all right, okaa-sama. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
429 just hurt myself last night. I was trying to clean up some glass
|
|
rlm@2
|
430 after I accidentally knocked over a picture frame in my room. I
|
|
rlm@2
|
431 shouldn’t stay up so late watching my Sakura-chan videos. I get so
|
|
rlm@2
|
432 tired that I have a hard time concentrating.”
|
|
rlm@2
|
433 Inspecting the hand, Sonomi bit her lower lip. There was something
|
|
rlm@2
|
434 about all of this that worried her, but she couldn’t quite put her
|
|
rlm@2
|
435 finger on it. Sighing, she let go of Tomoyo’s injured hand at last.
|
|
rlm@2
|
436 Her fingers brushed back some of Tomoyo’s lavender hair. “All right,
|
|
rlm@2
|
437 but I want you to go see a doctor about that later. I don’t want
|
|
rlm@2
|
438 anything bad to happen to your lovely hand because of some glass.”
|
|
rlm@2
|
439 Nodding in agreement, Tomoyo held the letter in her other hand
|
|
rlm@2
|
440 tighter. “Hai, okaa-sama. I’ll go to the doctor later today then.”
|
|
rlm@2
|
441 Sonomi watched with growing unease as Tomoyo walked out to the
|
|
rlm@2
|
442 mailbox with the strange letter held tightly in her other hand. It
|
|
rlm@2
|
443 didn’t seem like Tomoyo to be so out of it. Her eyes usually had a
|
|
rlm@2
|
444 beautiful sparkle in them, her beautiful smile an entrancing quality
|
|
rlm@2
|
445 to it. Just what had happened to her little girl?
|
|
rlm@2
|
446 Tomoyo stood in front of the mailbox with the letter half in. Her
|
|
rlm@2
|
447 pale fingers refused to let go of the letter they held. Her heart
|
|
rlm@2
|
448 argued painfully against her still unsure mind. This was it. This was
|
|
rlm@2
|
449 the last contact she and Sakura would ever share. After this, she
|
|
rlm@2
|
450 would be all alone. Forever. “Goodbye, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo
|
|
rlm@2
|
451 whispered. Her heart screamed out in agony as the letter fell in.
|
|
rlm@2
|
452 Closing her eyes, the dark haired heiress held herself tightly. Her
|
|
rlm@2
|
453 body shook lightly as she stood there. The midmorning sun should have
|
|
rlm@2
|
454 felt refreshing, but her body felt like it was encased in ice. She
|
|
rlm@2
|
455 had to wonder if she had done the right thing. As long as Sakura was
|
|
rlm@2
|
456 happy, it wouldn’t matter. Arms wrapped around her cold body gently,
|
|
rlm@2
|
457 pulling her tightly into a hug. “Okaa-sama...?” she asked weakly. It
|
|
rlm@2
|
458 wasn’t until she felt Sonomi’s fingers brushing away her tears that
|
|
rlm@2
|
459 she realized she was crying again. “Mother..!” She grabbed onto
|
|
rlm@2
|
460 Sonomi with all of her strength, breaking down in tears in the
|
|
rlm@2
|
461 embrace of her mother.
|
|
rlm@2
|
462 Sonomi held Tomoyo, whispering soothingly as she patted the younger
|
|
rlm@2
|
463 woman’s back. “Oh, my baby girl... My poor baby girl,” the
|
|
rlm@2
|
464 heartbroken mother whispered. She held Tomoyo’s head on her shoulder,
|
|
rlm@2
|
465 closing her eyes as she continued to rub the lavender haired girl’s
|
|
rlm@2
|
466 back. Tomoyo’s body shook against her as her daughter was wracked
|
|
rlm@2
|
467 with sobs. ‘Oh, Nadeshiko-chan... This can’t be how things have to
|
|
rlm@2
|
468 turn out. This can’t be. Why my baby girl? Please... Please give me
|
|
rlm@2
|
469 an answer, Nadeshiko-chan...’ |
