rlm@2: Dear Sakura
rlm@2: Darlest Before the Dawn
rlm@2: by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
rlm@2: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@2: pearsong1954@yahoo.com
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 	Like a dolphin emerging from crystal blue water, Sakura exited a
rlm@2: small changing room with her usual energetic spirit. She smiled
rlm@2: beautifully into the camcorder capturing her image, looking only
rlm@2: mildly embarrassed. Her cheeks reddened ever so slightly as she
rlm@2: twirled with all of the grace that years of athletics had granted
rlm@2: her, her pumpkin colored pleated skirt twirling with her. Like a
rlm@2: professional dancer, her movement was smooth and captivating. The
rlm@2: camera angle remained constant, a memory frozen in time. Sakura
rlm@2: paused at last, smiling once again into the camera. Diamond tears
rlm@2: sparkled nearly imperceptibly at the corners of her emerald eyes.
rlm@2: After curtsying cutely, the brunette excused herself back into the
rlm@2: cramped changing room. The camcorder fell to the side as its owner
rlm@2: hurried near the small room concernedly. It had only been for a brief
rlm@2: second, possibly nothing more than a trick of the mind. But if there
rlm@2: was a single thing that Tomoyo could claim to be an expert in, it was
rlm@2: the usually genki brunette on the other end of the door.
rlm@2: 	“Sakura-chan, are you all right?” the camcorder’s owner asked
rlm@2: worriedly, only a short distance from the door that separated them.
rlm@2: Pale fingers moved in front of the camera’s line of sight, touching
rlm@2: briefly on the wood frame, wishing that she could dismiss it to get
rlm@2: to the girl inside. No, the woman inside. They weren’t children
rlm@2: anymore. And she was no longer the one to share in Sakura’s feelings.
rlm@2: If Sakura didn’t wish to tell her, then she had no right to pry.
rlm@2: 	“Hai,” a shaky voice replied from inside, one obviously trying to
rlm@2: cover recent tears. “I’ll be out in just a minute.”
rlm@2: 	
rlm@2: 	With a touch of a button, the images before her dispersed into
rlm@2: darkness. Tomoyo sat in her dimly lit room, still staring at the now
rlm@2: blank screen that had held the vision of her darling Sakura. It was
rlm@2: from one of her last tapes, one she had taken during her trip to Hong
rlm@2: Kong. And one of the most disturbing. What had gotten to Sakura? What
rlm@2: had brought her sudden tears? It had only been the second day of
rlm@2: Tomoyo’s visit and they had spent many hours talking the night before
rlm@2: so it could very well have been a mixture of sleep deprivation and
rlm@2: the shock of finally being with her best friend again. But Tomoyo had
rlm@2: slowly begun to suspect something else as the cause of the tears. It
rlm@2: had to do with her videotaping Sakura again, of that she was certain.
rlm@2: Sakura had always been embarrassed when she would videotape her, but
rlm@2: this time there had been something else as well. Almost a sense of
rlm@2: relief from the gorgeous brunette, as if she was glad to be the focus
rlm@2: of Tomoyo’s camcorder once more. The tears had looked so sad, so
rlm@2: lonely. It tore at Tomoyo’s heart to know that they had to grace the
rlm@2: Cardmistress at all. So what did this mean? On it’s own, perhaps
rlm@2: nothing. But adding to it what had happened since and the sense of
rlm@2: longing that had been present in Sakura’s letters as of late, Tomoyo
rlm@2: could begin to make assumptions. She was on the verge of ruining
rlm@2: Sakura’s life. And she had to jump ship before that happened or she
rlm@2: would drag Sakura under with her. 
rlm@2: 	Sakura’s understanding of her feelings for Tomoyo had always been
rlm@2: simple. Tomoyo was a good friend, someone she could trust with
rlm@2: anything, someone she could always count on, someone who would always
rlm@2: be there for her. In a way, she had never really seen Tomoyo. She
rlm@2: hadn’t looked at her, seen her for who she really was. Tomoyo had
rlm@2: always been behind the camera, and because of it, Sakura had never
rlm@2: truly understood her eccentric best friend or the feelings that went
rlm@2: along with her. But now it looked like Sakura was dangerously close
rlm@2: to understanding those feelings in an entirely new light. Tomoyo had
rlm@2: been dragged out from behind the camera by Sakura and could no longer
rlm@2: hide. Sakura had finally seen Tomoyo, had finally really looked at
rlm@2: her. That thought was deliciously exiting to Tomoyo, but it also set
rlm@2: her on the verge of tears because she knew what deeper meaning it
rlm@2: held. If Sakura began to see the love Tomoyo had held for her all
rlm@2: these years, or worse, in some way returned these feelings, it would
rlm@2: ruin her beautiful marriage and the wonderful new life she had begun.
rlm@2: She would never be able to simply reject Tomoyo. Sakura could never
rlm@2: bear to hurt her like that. It would slowly tear apart everything
rlm@2: Tomoyo had prayed for in Sakura’s life. And so Tomoyo had decided
rlm@2: long ago that it was best not to tell Sakura, that despite that
rlm@2: promise from years long past, she would not explain to Sakura when
rlm@2: they were older. It would only burden the brunette and cause
rlm@2: difficulty for her, even more so now that she was married. 
rlm@2: 	Darkness surrounded Tomoyo, deep and all encompassing. She honestly
rlm@2: didn’t know whether or not her eyes were open, only that they stung
rlm@2: with fresh tears. A huge dilemma lay before her, and it had taken all
rlm@2: of her strength to try and come to a decision. Her heart and soul
rlm@2: argued over which course of action to take, about where her path
rlm@2: should take her. For a time, she had found it nearly impossible, lost
rlm@2: in the possibilities, surrounded by bittersweet memories that
rlm@2: beckoned her to join them. Slowly, shakily, she had reached out and
rlm@2: finally grasped onto her decision. Now all that was left was to see
rlm@2: it through to the end. In the end, it came down to the most important
rlm@2: thing in her life: Sakura’s happiness. And Tomoyo would gladly die
rlm@2: for it. She would suffer whatever was necessary to safeguard the
rlm@2: happiness of the one she loved. 
rlm@2: But this was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life.
rlm@2: Helping to get Sakura with Syaoran in the first place had offered her
rlm@2: a momentary distraction from the depth of her own feelings, allowing
rlm@2: her to concentrate on Sakura’s best interests alone. The marriage had
rlm@2: been incredibly painful for her, but it had been tinged with the
rlm@2: knowledge that Sakura would be embarking on a new life with the one
rlm@2: she loved, and that had eased her pain. But this offered no solace.
rlm@2: There was no escape from the pain this time. She merely knew that it
rlm@2: had to be done. For Sakura’s sake, and for her own. Her gingerly
rlm@2: crafted masks were beginning to betray her. Cracks had begun to
rlm@2: spiderweb through her many masks after her recent contact with
rlm@2: Sakura. They were slowly becoming undone right in front of her eyes.
rlm@2: When Sakura had seen her, had actually looked at the girl that hid
rlm@2: behind the normally smiling portrait of Tomoyo Daidouji, the masks
rlm@2: she had hidden herself behind had slowly but surely begun to shatter,
rlm@2: leaving her defenseless to the unbridled passion of her own love and
rlm@2: unable to hide it from Sakura’s curious eyes. She could no longer
rlm@2: handle the pain of watching the woman she loved happily married.
rlm@2: Sakura’s happiness meant the world to her, but watching Sakura’s
rlm@2: marriage was beginning to take its toll on the pale ghost of a woman.
rlm@2: How could she have fooled herself into thinking she could sit by and
rlm@2: watch it? Had she really thought she could quell the feelings in her
rlm@2: own heart? It would have been easier to still her heart from beating
rlm@2: than to keep the love inside at bay. She had been a fool to think
rlm@2: that her masks would be able to hide her from the pain, to think that
rlm@2: she could remain simply Sakura’s friend in a far off land as Sakura’s
rlm@2: new life took her further and further away. Not just physical
rlm@2: distance either. The dark haired girl was simply no longer necessary.
rlm@2: At one point in time, Sakura had always come to her no matter what
rlm@2: the circumstances. She had trusted Tomoyo with her fragile heart and
rlm@2: Tomoyo had done her best to take good care of it, trying to set it on
rlm@2: the right path. But now she had another to go to when she ever wanted
rlm@2: for something. Her husband was now the most important person in
rlm@2: Sakura’s life. Even then, Sakura still came to Tomoyo with surprising
rlm@2: frequency. It was yet another reason for Tomoyo’s decision. She was
rlm@2: standing in the way of Sakura’s marriage. She was an unnecessary link
rlm@2: to Sakura’s past, holding the brunette back in the face of her own
rlm@2: marriage. Syaoran was the one she should go to now. He was the one
rlm@2: that should share her pain and heal her heart. It was no longer
rlm@2: Tomoyo’s right to do so. 
rlm@2: Walking through the nearly pitch black room, Tomoyo hardly noticed
rlm@2: the fire that shot through her hip as she struck something in the
rlm@2: dark while walking. Ignoring it, the pale girl moved forward through
rlm@2: the shadows. Had anyone seen her then, they may very well have
rlm@2: mistaken her for a phantom, her pale features and tear streaked face
rlm@2: appearing almost translucent in the dim moonlight. Her room,
rlm@2: practically a shrine to her darling Sakura, now felt more like a
rlm@2: tomb. Her delicate hands finally found what she was searching for,
rlm@2: settling on the desk that had served her so well in the past. Whether
rlm@2: making costumes, labeling videotapes, or simply practicing for choir,
rlm@2: it had been a patient companion. These days, there were no more
rlm@2: costumes to be made, no more videotapes to label, and no more choir
rlm@2: to practice for. It held several slips of paper and a picture frame
rlm@2: on it vast expanses.
rlm@2: Collapsing weakly into the chair, Tomoyo burst into fresh tears,
rlm@2: sobbing quietly in the darkness as she was assaulted by a fresh wave
rlm@2: of agony. Was this the only way? Could she possibly find another
rlm@2: solution? No, this was her last option. She had to go through with
rlm@2: it. She couldn’t risk Sakura’s future any longer through her own
rlm@2: selfishness. If she truly loved the other woman, she would have to
rlm@2: see this through. That finally slowed her aching sobs, though it did
rlm@2: nothing for her shredded heart. With intentional care, Tomoyo slowly
rlm@2: continued to write the address on the envelope that lay before her,
rlm@2: concentrating as best she could on each and every character. Sakura
rlm@2: had told her that her writing was beautiful. She had to make sure
rlm@2: that it was lovely for Sakura’s sake. Because Sakura deserved no less
rlm@2: and she needed to make sure that Sakura didn’t think anything was
rlm@2: wrong. If she was going to succeed, then she had to make sure that
rlm@2: the letter didn’t worry her dear friend.
rlm@2: Memories are such fragile things. They lay tentatively on the edge
rlm@2: of one’s mind. Sometimes they would fade to protect their owner.
rlm@2: Other times, time itself would take its toll on them, wearing them
rlm@2: down into nothing. But there was something that existed beyond
rlm@2: memories, not simply the images and feelings that were conjured about
rlm@2: things from the past, but a deeper flame that could never be
rlm@2: extinguished. Memories of the heart. Tomoyo knew that she could never
rlm@2: forget Sakura, that the love in her heart would never fade away. But
rlm@2: in many ways, that made it so much harder to continue forward. Even
rlm@2: then, she would never want any of it to disappear. Her tapes of
rlm@2: Sakura left her with a wonderful look back at the past, crystalline
rlm@2: moments that she could treasure. They were an extensive documentary
rlm@2: on the beautiful brunette spanning nine glorious years. Tomoyo was
rlm@2: only sorry that they had to end now. She watched her tapes over and
rlm@2: over, reliving the time spent with her beloved Sakura. And for an all
rlm@2: too brief moment, they would be together again. 
rlm@2: Picking up an old costume design that she had never finished, Tomoyo
rlm@2: began to write on the back, the words gushing forth as a dam inside
rlm@2: of her finally burst open.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: ‘Dear Sakura-chan,
rlm@2: As I sit here writing this, I see your beautiful face in my mind’s
rlm@2: eye, your sweet smile sending ripples throughout the stormy ocean of
rlm@2: my soul. I know that you may hate me for this, and though I could
rlm@2: hardly bear the thought of you ever hating me, I know that I must go
rlm@2: through with this. I’m not sure if I can explain why, but it doesn’t
rlm@2: really matter. Please know that you have always been the most
rlm@2: treasured thing in my life. I would never wish to hurt you. That’s
rlm@2: why I have to say goodbye.
rlm@2: Our time together in Hong Kong was like a gorgeous dream that I
rlm@2: never wished to wake up from. Even though I must finally awaken, I
rlm@2: will carry that dream with me always. Being with you was more magical
rlm@2: than any of the Cards you have in your possession. Your true power
rlm@2: doesn’t come from your magic or the Sakura Cards. It comes from the
rlm@2: indomitable force in your heart. That power has always pushed you
rlm@2: forward in life, and I was happy to be pulled along in its wake.
rlm@2: Nurturing it and helping it grow inside of you always brought a smile
rlm@2: to my lips. But now you have outgrown me. You no longer need my
rlm@2: helpful hand in the way. Like a mother watching her child venture out
rlm@2: into the world, it’s time that I let you go forth on your own. Please
rlm@2: don’t worry. I know that you must be thinking it isn’t so, that
rlm@2: there’s still some use for me. But I have seen you grow and mature
rlm@2: into a beautiful woman. Strong, confident, courageous. Sweet,
rlm@2: innocent, gentle. All of the qualities that so enamored me with you
rlm@2: for all of these years. You no longer need my love and support to go
rlm@2: forward. These are now within your own heart. When you need that
rlm@2: extra bit of love and encouragement, I know you will be able to find
rlm@2: it in your husband. So though tears dot this letter, please know that
rlm@2: I leave you in capable hands. I have always trusted you with all my
rlm@2: heart. I know that wherever your path in life leads, you will be able
rlm@2: to handle the roads ahead with ease. Nothing can hold back the lovely
rlm@2: and unstoppable Sakura-chan!
rlm@2: I know that I promised you long ago that I would explain what I
rlm@2: meant about the differences in our love when you were older. I’m
rlm@2: sorry that I never did. I thought that it would only interfere with
rlm@2: your life, with your feelings for Syaoran. I knew that you wouldn’t
rlm@2: be able to reject me outright. Your heart is too kind for that. And
rlm@2: in doing so, you may have ruined your chances at the marriage you now
rlm@2: find yourself in. So I will explain right here, where there is no
rlm@2: fear of the rejection you wouldn’t have put me through or the damage
rlm@2: it could have caused. All is already said and done, so this is merely
rlm@2: an afterthought, an explanation so perhaps you may understand your
rlm@2: best friend a little better and why I acted the way I did for all of
rlm@2: the years you’ve known me. Years ago, you were only a child of ten at
rlm@2: the time, I told you that I loved you. You said that you loved me,
rlm@2: too. It was so cute to hear you say that. You always were an
rlm@2: extremely sweet girl, Sakura-chan. My heart swelled to hear your
rlm@2: words, even though I knew you didn’t understand what I meant. I told
rlm@2: you that our love was different, that I would explain when you were
rlm@2: older. I’m sorry for taking so long to deliver my promise to you.
rlm@2: Love is such a vast and varied thing. There are so many depths and
rlm@2: intricacies that sometimes make it almost impossible to discern. I
rlm@2: know that you yourself have had difficulty understanding the
rlm@2: different forms of love in the past. Our love is very different from
rlm@2: each other’s love. You love Syaoran as your prince, your one True
rlm@2: Love, as your other half. You love me as your friend, your confidant,
rlm@2: and as a sister. I love you as my prince, my one True Love, my other
rlm@2: half. That is why I always wanted you to know how much I cared about
rlm@2: you, why I tried to show my love for you in everything I did, even if
rlm@2: you loved another. You are my special someone, Sakura-chan, the one
rlm@2: who captured my heart so long ago. Videotaping you, designing
rlm@2: costumes for you, even simply watching you filled my heart with joy.
rlm@2: Love can be an extremely strong force and it has had me in its grasp
rlm@2: for quite a long time now. I am lost to it, but I would never wish to
rlm@2: be found if it meant giving up the warmth and delight that it offers
rlm@2: me. Being in love with you has always been my fondest wish come true.
rlm@2: To love someone so charming, so enchanting, is something that most
rlm@2: people can only dream about. The way I looked at you, the way I
rlm@2: fawned over you, it was always with love in my eyes. It never once
rlm@2: mattered to me that you were a girl, though I know you didn’t
rlm@2: understand such things with the puzzled look you gave me when I tried
rlm@2: to explain my mother’s preferences. Sakura-chan is Sakura-chan.
rlm@2: Brave, beautiful, generous, genki. I love you for who you are. I
rlm@2: would never want to change you in the least. Images of you fill my
rlm@2: mind, swirling like pictures in a kaleidoscope. I love you, Sakura-
rlm@2: chan.
rlm@2: Everyone loved Sakura-chan, so I was not at all surprised that
rlm@2: someone else would eventually win your heart. I told you that I
rlm@2: wanted my special someone to be happy even if they couldn’t be with
rlm@2: me and I meant that. Your happiness means everything to me. If you
rlm@2: truly love someone, if your heart belongs completely to them, then
rlm@2: their happiness is truly your heart’s desire. Because you want the
rlm@2: person you love to be filled with joy, to live a life that will be
rlm@2: thrilling and fulfilling to them. I told you that I would be happy if
rlm@2: my special someone returned my feelings, but that their happiness was
rlm@2: what I wanted above all else. And that’s exactly how I feel. If you
rlm@2: could be happier with someone else, if someone else could bring out
rlm@2: the love in your heart, then that’s what I wanted for you. Even
rlm@2: mother feels this way, though she doesn’t entirely understand it.
rlm@2: When you were here, she explained that your father made your mother
rlm@2: happy. Mother has strong feelings against your father because he took
rlm@2: Nadeshiko-san away from her, but when she looks at you, she truly
rlm@2: knows that Nadeshiko-san was happy and that calms her spirits.
rlm@2: Because she loved Nadeshiko-san as much as I love you. Which is why I
rlm@2: know she understands my feelings for you. What she didn’t understand
rlm@2: is why I tried to push you towards Li-kun. I don’t know if you
rlm@2: understand that or not, so I will try to explain. I wanted you to be
rlm@2: happy above all else. I wanted you to fall in love with your prince,
rlm@2: to have a happy marriage, to have beautiful children, to live your
rlm@2: life to the fullest. I could tell that Li-kun was falling in love
rlm@2: with you and that the two of you got along very well. You really were
rlm@2: cute together. I wanted him to tell you and I tried to help him
rlm@2: along, to get him to express his feelings to you. I know it wasn’t
rlm@2: fair that I told him to tell you his feelings while I was silent
rlm@2: about my own, but I thought that you could be happy with him. I
rlm@2: thought he could be your one true love. As Kero-chan has said before,
rlm@2: there’s no such thing as coincidence. He was your partner, your
rlm@2: helper in Cardcapting. He protected you and was there alongside you
rlm@2: while I was hidden away behind a camera, watching it all happen. He
rlm@2: could give you a child, protect you, and love you. I thought that you
rlm@2: felt something for him as well, so I tried my hardest to help the two
rlm@2: of you along. My goal was to see Sakura-chan happily in love. I’m
rlm@2: glad that I managed to help see that come to pass. Perhaps that was
rlm@2: my part in Clow Reed’s grand plan, to help your heart grow and mature
rlm@2: and to find the love you so deserved. You’re now the most powerful
rlm@2: magician on the planet with a loving husband and an exciting new
rlm@2: life. That makes me happy. I knew my wonderful Sakura-chan could
rlm@2: accomplish anything.
rlm@2: So now I must fade away from your life, my mission finally complete.
rlm@2: Please know that I will always love you, Sakura-chan. That love will
rlm@2: never fade. I will always be by your side, my heart and soul yours to
rlm@2: command. They will always offer you their love and support. Please
rlm@2: don’t cry for me. It makes me sad when Sakura-chan’s sad. Please
rlm@2: smile and greet the new day knowing that your best friend got her
rlm@2: dearest wish in just watching you. As long as you’re happy, I will
rlm@2: be, too. Thank you so much for being my best friend, for letting me
rlm@2: into your life. Leaving it is the hardest thing I have ever done, but
rlm@2: I do so content in the knowledge that my sweet Sakura-chan is well
rlm@2: taken care of.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Farewell,
rlm@2: Daidouji Tomoyo
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: I’ll miss you so much, Sakura-chan.’
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 	
rlm@2: 	Stars sprinkled into Tomoyo’s room with barely visible pinpricks of
rlm@2: light, vaguely illuminating the half finished costume design on the
rlm@2: paper she had used to write her letter to Sakura. “Sakura-chan...”
rlm@2: her broken voice choked out, another sob wracking her small body. Her
rlm@2: hands went to her face, dark hair draping around her like a death
rlm@2: shroud as strangled sobs escaped her lips. Her heart felt like broken
rlm@2: glass, an antique accidentally knocked off a table by an overzealous
rlm@2: child, unsalvageable except for several jagged fragments. Despair
rlm@2: brushed its fingers through her hair, bringing its chilling shadow
rlm@2: across her heart. “Sakura-chan...” she whimpered again, tears falling
rlm@2: unheeded to the desk and the letter it held. What was she to do? How
rlm@2: could she live without Sakura? A midnight black thought entered her
rlm@2: mind in reply; how could she live her life with Sakura? She was close
rlm@2: to shattering completely, the cracks in her façade already becoming
rlm@2: evident. If she stayed in Sakura’s life, watched her love in her new
rlm@2: life and marriage, it would undoubtedly kill her. She hadn’t
rlm@2: understood how painful it would be as a child, hope still clinging
rlm@2: desperately to her heart at the time. ‘I knew that Sakura-chan would
rlm@2: come and rescue me,’ she had once said. No, this wasn’t her fairy
rlm@2: tale. It was Sakura’s. Which is why she had to leave it so that
rlm@2: Sakura could have her fairy tale ending and live happily ever after.
rlm@2: No matter how much it hurt her to do so, she had to go through with
rlm@2: it.  For Sakura to live, she had to die. Her stormy blue eyes fought
rlm@2: back another wave of tears as her body shook painfully. Her heart
rlm@2: ached for Sakura, images of the brunette appearing vividly in her
rlm@2: mind. “Don’t you make me happy,” her musical voice got out weakly
rlm@2: before it broke. 
rlm@2: 	Numb fingers reached out slowly, grasping the letter in shaking
rlm@2: hands. “No... I can’t send this to Sakura-chan. I can’t send this to
rlm@2: her,” her gentle voice, no more than a whisper, seemed to disappear
rlm@2: before it even reached the young heiress’s ears. She held it up in
rlm@2: the dim light, barely able to make out the picture of Sakura in a
rlm@2: costume or the painstakingly crafted characters in her letter. It was
rlm@2: too sad. It would worry Sakura. She had to fade away from Sakura’s
rlm@2: life painlessly, leaving the brunette as simply as a dream that
rlm@2: disappeared when one tried to recall it. She held the letter tightly
rlm@2: to her chest as she choked back another sob. Leaving the now crumpled
rlm@2: letter on the side of her desk, Tomoyo pulled out a fresh piece of
rlm@2: paper and began to start all over again. 
rlm@2: 	The thought that she would never see Sakura again cut into her
rlm@2: heart like a knife, each breath burning her further. She had known
rlm@2: this time would come for years now, but now that it was finally
rlm@2: happening, its crushing weight made any step forward seem impossible.
rlm@2: “I’ll never forget you, Sakura-chan,” she whispered, placing a soft
rlm@2: kiss on a picture frame that graced her desk. The picture of Sakura
rlm@2: smiled back happily, frozen forever in her expression of joy. With a
rlm@2: swift movement that almost scared Tomoyo, she shattered the picture
rlm@2: frame against the side of the desk. Glass fell quietly to the carpet,
rlm@2: Sakura’s picture fluttering free to lay atop them. Tomoyo reached
rlm@2: down, picking up the memory from years long past. She set it gingerly
rlm@2: on the desk, her fingers trailing Sakura’s features in the
rlm@2: photograph. How she wished she could step into the picture, to turn
rlm@2: back all these years so she could spend them with Sakura once more.
rlm@2: Even if things had to turn out this way, she would love to spend even
rlm@2: one slim moment with Sakura before she slipped away forever. Her hand
rlm@2: reached down again, picking up the biggest shard of glass off of the
rlm@2: floor. She barely noticed as it cut into her palm, the warm blood
rlm@2: trickling out over it seeming to be nothing more than a daydream. She
rlm@2: had to leave Sakura’s life, she knew that. But how could she just
rlm@2: tell Sakura that she was leaving her? How could she possibly write
rlm@2: Sakura a farewell letter? The warmth of her blood slipping through
rlm@2: her fingers felt so much nicer than the bitter cold that was wrapped
rlm@2: tightly around her heart. She had to escape Sakura’s life for both of
rlm@2: their sakes. She had to. Shaky fingers clutched the shard of glass
rlm@2: tighter, it’s sharp edge driving deeper into the soft flesh of her
rlm@2: hand. “Sakura-chan...” she whispered miserably. She couldn’t write
rlm@2: the letter. She could never tell Sakura goodbye like that. It was too
rlm@2: painful. She would just escape Sakura’s life now. It would be less
rlm@2: painful for them both that way. Sakura would forget about her soon
rlm@2: enough. She would be able to watch Sakura as her guardian angel,
rlm@2: could keep an eye on her beautiful life from up above. 
rlm@2: 	“Forgive me, Sakura-chan. Please forgive me. I love you so much.”
rlm@2: Her stormy blue eyes shut tightly, Tomoyo brought the jagged glass to
rlm@2: her wrist and concentrated on the brunette as she felt the wet shard
rlm@2: press against soft skin. Tendrils of darkness and despair snaked out,
rlm@2: wrapping tightly around her heart. This was the only way. Sakura
rlm@2: would wake up from her dream named Tomoyo soon enough. And she would
rlm@2: be happy in her new life. If she didn’t do this, Sakura’s beautiful
rlm@2: life would come tumbling down, crushing the girl that Tomoyo loved so
rlm@2: dearly. Her pain was almost over. Just another few minutes...
rlm@2: 	The shard of glass fell silently to the floor, a small trail of
rlm@2: blood following it. Some crimson ran down Tomoyo’s wrist, pooling on
rlm@2: her desktop. Her head slumped to the desk as she began to cry again.
rlm@2: She couldn’t. Not yet. The thought of her mother finding her, cold
rlm@2: and dead had hit her like a shockwave. She couldn’t put her mother
rlm@2: through that. Sonomi had already lost so much. That would be terribly
rlm@2: cruel to her loving mother. Even worse, the knowledge that Sonomi
rlm@2: would call Sakura to the funeral sent a terrible chill through her.
rlm@2: She wanted to die to protect Sakura, to escape this pain, but that
rlm@2: would only serve to hurt Sakura even more. No, she had to wait. She
rlm@2: would be moving out in several days. She would go someplace far away
rlm@2: and disappear from Sakura’s life forever. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 	“So there you are, Tomoyo-chan. I was beginning to think you’d
rlm@2: fallen asleep in front of another of your videos again,” Sonomi
rlm@2: teased, smiling at her lavender haired daughter. Tomoyo looked paler
rlm@2: than usual this morning for some reason. Her stormy blue eyes looked
rlm@2: distant, their normal sparkle gone. The head of the Daidouji
rlm@2: household gasped when she saw the bandage around Tomoyo’s right hand
rlm@2: and left wrist. “Oh, Tomoyo-chan! What happened?” Bolting up, the
rlm@2: normally overcautious mother hurried to her daughter’s side. Patches
rlm@2: of red shown through the bandages covering her daughter’s delicate
rlm@2: hand. Tomoyo was still a little shorter than Sonomi but it took all
rlm@2: of the older woman’s self-restraint not to kneel down as she had when
rlm@2: Tomoyo had been a little girl. 
rlm@2: 	Tomoyo smiled softly, but the smile didn’t meet her eyes. The dark,
rlm@2: stormy eyes looked dead, their depths dark and unyielding. Part of
rlm@2: that frightened Sonomi. Her daughter hid so much but she had always
rlm@2: managed to see past her masks and into those very emotional blue
rlm@2: eyes. They were the same as Sonomi’s own eyes, part of the reason she
rlm@2: suspected that she could see through to her daughter’s true feelings.
rlm@2: But this time it was as if there was nothing behind them or as if
rlm@2: they were completely cut off to her. “It’s all right, okaa-sama. I
rlm@2: just hurt myself last night. I was trying to clean up some glass
rlm@2: after I accidentally knocked over a picture frame in my room. I
rlm@2: shouldn’t stay up so late watching my Sakura-chan videos. I get so
rlm@2: tired that I have a hard time concentrating.” 
rlm@2: 	Inspecting the hand, Sonomi bit her lower lip. There was something
rlm@2: about all of this that worried her, but she couldn’t quite put her
rlm@2: finger on it. Sighing, she let go of Tomoyo’s injured hand at last.
rlm@2: Her fingers brushed back some of Tomoyo’s lavender hair. “All right,
rlm@2: but I want you to go see a doctor about that later. I don’t want
rlm@2: anything bad to happen to your lovely hand because of some glass.”
rlm@2: 	Nodding in agreement, Tomoyo held the letter in her other hand
rlm@2: tighter. “Hai, okaa-sama. I’ll go to the doctor later today then.” 
rlm@2: 	Sonomi watched with growing unease as Tomoyo walked out to the
rlm@2: mailbox with the strange letter held tightly in her other hand. It
rlm@2: didn’t seem like Tomoyo to be so out of it. Her eyes usually had a
rlm@2: beautiful sparkle in them, her beautiful smile an entrancing quality
rlm@2: to it. Just what had happened to her little girl? 
rlm@2: 	Tomoyo stood in front of the mailbox with the letter half in. Her
rlm@2: pale fingers refused to let go of the letter they held. Her heart
rlm@2: argued painfully against her still unsure mind. This was it. This was
rlm@2: the last contact she and Sakura would ever share. After this, she
rlm@2: would be all alone. Forever. “Goodbye, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo
rlm@2: whispered. Her heart screamed out in agony as the letter fell in.
rlm@2: Closing her eyes, the dark haired heiress held herself tightly. Her
rlm@2: body shook lightly as she stood there. The midmorning sun should have
rlm@2: felt refreshing, but her body felt like it was encased in ice. She
rlm@2: had to wonder if she had done the right thing. As long as Sakura was
rlm@2: happy, it wouldn’t matter. Arms wrapped around her cold body gently,
rlm@2: pulling her tightly into a hug. “Okaa-sama...?” she asked weakly. It
rlm@2: wasn’t until she felt Sonomi’s fingers brushing away her tears that
rlm@2: she realized she was crying again. “Mother..!” She grabbed onto
rlm@2: Sonomi with all of her strength, breaking down in tears in the
rlm@2: embrace of her mother. 
rlm@2: Sonomi held Tomoyo, whispering soothingly as she patted the younger
rlm@2: woman’s back. “Oh, my baby girl... My poor baby girl,” the
rlm@2: heartbroken mother whispered. She held Tomoyo’s head on her shoulder,
rlm@2: closing her eyes as she continued to rub the lavender haired girl’s
rlm@2: back. Tomoyo’s body shook against her as her daughter was wracked
rlm@2: with sobs. ‘Oh, Nadeshiko-chan... This can’t be how things have to
rlm@2: turn out. This can’t be. Why my baby girl? Please... Please give me
rlm@2: an answer, Nadeshiko-chan...’