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1 Dear Sakura
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2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
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3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
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5
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6 “I’m sorry I kept you up all night dancing, Tomoyo-chan. I hope
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7 you’re not too tired.” Sakura cast a concerned look as she unlocked
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8 the front door. Tomoyo smiled a cheerful response,
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9
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10 “Oh, no, Sakura-chan, I feel absolutely wonderful. Thank you for
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11 such a lovely evening, and such a lovely visit.”
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12
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13 As the door swung open Sakura nodded distractedly and thought,
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14 “That’s right, the visit is almost over now.” She hid her grimace
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15 from Tomoyo and tried to bring her emotions under control. Buffeted
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16 all evening long, swinging between the sheer bliss of being with
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17 Tomoyo and the black despair of knowing she would soon be gone,
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18 Sakura felt sickeningly dizzy. Sakura sensed the turmoil deep within
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19 her stirring again, but sealed it away and ignore it. She didn’t want
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20 to break down again in front of Tomoyo. It wasn’t fair to ruin her
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21 beautiful trip by making her sad. After all, Tomoyo bore the weight
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22 of her secret love without complaint. Rather than trouble the one she
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23 loved, the pale girl chose to silently suffer for the sake of their
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24 happiness. In all their years together, Sakura could never remember a
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25 complaint, an accusation, or an angry question from Tomoyo about the
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26 true love that neglected her so. She carried her pain with an easy
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27 grace, as if it were a burden lighter than a feather. Sakura felt a
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28 flash of anger at whoever it was that ignored her best friend’s love.
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29 How could they be so blind? How could they live in ignorance of that
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30 vibrant, overflowing love? It seemed terribly unfair that someone so
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31 sweet and good should be condemned to a life of loneliness. But never
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32 a word did Tomoyo speak against them, or even about her pain. “Well”,
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33 Sakura resolved, “if she can do it for years, I can do it for a few
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34 hours. Until she leaves.” But that thought brought a new wave of
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35 distress that pushed her to the brink of tears. She glanced at Tomoyo
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36 as they neared the guest room door, then blurted out in a tense voice,
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37
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38 “Tomoyo-chan, I need to go to my room for a minute, but if you need
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39 help packing…”
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40
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41 Tomoyo looked at the woman who stood by her and sensed an inner
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42 torment. She longed to be with her for just a few moments more, but
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43 instead smiled and politely replied,
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44
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45 “I’ll be fine, Sakura-chan. I’m nearly packed as it is. I’ll see you
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46 a little later, then.” Sakura gazed at her with a haunted look,
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47 nodded quickly, and then all but ran down the hall. Tomoyo stood
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48 alone in the dark and trembled. Breathing deeply, she prayed her
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49 heart be still, then opened the door and turned on the light. She
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50 rested her hand on the dark wood of the wall, fingers lightly tracing
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51 the exquisite carvings of birds and flowers. With a little sigh she
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52 pulled her suitcase from the closet and opened it up on the floor.
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53 Raising the lid of the little chest that held her clothing, she
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54 breathed in the sweet scent of cedar. “Cedar is for memory,” she
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55 whispered aloud. Where was that quote from, she wondered? Shaking her
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56 head and smiling, she thought of all the memories she would carry
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57 back to Japan from her wonderful second trip to Hong Kong.
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58
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59 She packed away the dress she had worn when Sakura greeted her at
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60 the airport, practically bowling her over with enthusiasm. Holding
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61 onto Sakura in that busy throng, she felt as if the rest of the world
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62 had ceased to exist. To see her again after four long months, months
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63 that dragged on like years, had been a dream fulfilled. She carefully
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64 tucked away the gorgeous red cheongsam that Ieran-sama had insisted
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65 she keep. She felt the fine silk and traced the little bumps of
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66 embroidered gold with her fingertip. Tomoyo had earnestly protested
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67 that such a gift was priceless, and she could not possibly accept it.
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68 But Ieran-sama only laughed, and told her that no one could ever look
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69 as good in it as she. On top of the dress in a little plastic bag she
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70 placed a few golden trinkets that had adorned her hair, and
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71 blushingly remembered the look in Fanren’s eyes as she bid her
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72 goodnight after the banquet. Contemplating the gray and black
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73 swimsuit, finally dry on its hanger, Tomoyo giddily recalled swimming
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74 with Sakura. She closed her eyes as her mind echoed with the
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75 sensation of Sakura's firm but gentle arms holding her as they swam
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76 in the warm water. She peeked at her little clock to check the time,
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77 and wondered where her friend was. “Maybe she’s fallen asleep,”
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78 Tomoyo giggled to herself, “I guess even genki Card Mistresses have
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79 to rest sometime.”
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80
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81 Still, the room felt empty without her, and Tomoyo wished she were
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82 there. Gazing at the clothing in her half-packed suitcase, she
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83 wondered if these memories were truly enough. Can I live with just
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84 memories, but not her? Before this trip she would have replied with a
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85 resounding yes. To have such precious moments to savor would have
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86 seemed a bounty beyond compare. But now, they were pale reminders of
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87 the indescribable joy of simply being with her. She had seen such
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88 wonderful sights on this trip, but none of them compared to sitting
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89 by Sakura and holding her hand.
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90
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91 Out of the fragrant cedar chest came her cyan nightgown. She held it
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92 up and recalled Sakura brushing her hair with long, sensuous strokes,
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93 delicate fingers lightly caressing her shoulder and neck. She
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94 remembered sitting in the garden, gazing at Sakura’s face glowing in
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95 the moonlight, and how her eyes caught that glow and shone with an
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96 emerald fire. She remembered crying in her arms, the pain and longing
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97 finally too much to bear without tears. And with feverish intensity
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98 she remembered their kiss, her very first kiss, and the flood of
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99 tender, passionate love between them. For an electric instant her
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100 soul joined with Sakura’s in that magical garden under the August
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101 moon. Tomoyo felt Sakura’s love there as never before. It surprised
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102 and delighted her then, and confused and delighted her now. And
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103 sitting on the floor in the guest room, holding that soft cyan
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104 nightgown to her breast, a realization struck Tomoyo with forceful
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105 suddenness: Sakura had changed.
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106
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107 In all their years growing up together, Sakura had been much the
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108 same as the sweet, genki girl she first met in third grade. True, she
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109 had developed into a beautiful woman, and perhaps was a bit less
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110 hyper as she grew older. But all in all, she was still Sakura. Yet
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111 something now was very different, and Tomoyo searched her heart to
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112 understand just what. There had been hints in the letters and the
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113 phone calls. Sometimes she sensed a loss of confidence, a hesitant
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114 uncertainty. But Sakura had seen her way through moments like that
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115 before, always emerging triumphantly with captured Clow Card, or
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116 husband, in hand. Sometimes in her writing Sakura had seemed sad and
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117 lonely, but surely this was natural as she adjusted to a new life in
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118 a strange city, far away from family and friends. No, it was not
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119 until they sat together in the garden that Tomoyo had really noticed.
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120 Sakura had always liked her, and treasured her as a best friend. But
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121 there, in that garden, the pale woman felt Sakura’s love as never
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122 before. It was not a mere kiss, or a touch, or a glance that was
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123 different, for these were but outward signs. What had changed was her
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124 love. What was once a tender affection was now a passionate longing
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125 that seemingly knew no bounds. Tomoyo felt exhilaration and
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126 apprehension as she realized what had once seemed impossible. Closing
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127 her eyes, she shuddered sweetly at the thought: her love is like my
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128 love.
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129
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130 Her heart raced as she carefully folded the nightgown and placed it
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131 in the suitcase. Long ago Eriol had remarked on her perceptive
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132 nature, and she knew he was right. She could read hearts as if they
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133 were open books, with all their fragile secrets hers to see. Her kind
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134 and loving nature blended well with this gift, for she would never
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135 bring harm to another, or use her knowledge to manipulate and
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136 control. Sometimes, though, she would gently nudge, or drop a hint,
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137 or help a heart along the path it yearned for. She had seen Sayoran's
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138 love for Sakura bloom like a trembling flower, and helped nurture it
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139 when she realized Sakura's love for the Chinese Sorcerer. Such a
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140 course carried no small onus of pain, but for Sakura's sake she
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141 persevered, and was rewarded with the Card Mistress' joy on her
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142 wedding day. Not that she had seen all of it, of course. But Sakura
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143 was happy, and what else mattered? But then, if she was now happily
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144 married, how to explain her wonderful, baffling love for Tomoyo?
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145
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146 Gazing out the window of the garden and listening to birds greeting
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147 the morning sun, Tomoyo frowned thoughtfully. At first, she had
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148 dismissed Sakura's love as simple nostalgia for her life in Japan. It
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149 was hard to grow up, to leave behind the easy joys of childhood. But
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150 Sakura's love went far beyond the bounds of anything that Tomoyo had
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151 sensed before. Either it was something entirely new, or something
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152 long buried that had recently been uncovered. What would cause such a
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153 thing? Sakura seemed happy in her marriage, though Sayoran's absence
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154 during her visit seemed odd. Tomoyo was puzzled by the man’s
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155 behavior. How could anyone be married to such a bright and lovely
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156 spirit and not want to be with her all the time? Even the few times
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157 she had seen him around her, he seemed distant, appearing more out of
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158 obligation than choice. Of course, that was Syaoran. He was reserved
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159 and painfully shy. But surely, underneath it all, he loved her. He
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160 had to. How could anyone not love her? Perhaps he loved her, but not
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161 the same way as Tomoyo. But then, could anyone love Sakura the way
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162 she did? That wasn't fair to Sayoran, to compare his love to hers.
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163 Shaking her head, Tomoyo suddenly felt exhausted. With a smile she
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164 thought, "Around her, I'm never tired. She has enough energy for both
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165 of us."
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166
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167 Tomoyo returned to packing. With a sigh, she gently placed the dress
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168 from her almost-date into the suitcase. Dancing with Sakura! Did it
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169 really happen, or was it just the sweetest of dreams? Holding her
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170 close, swaying softly to the music, feeling the soft warmth of her
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171 body under the shimmering silk. Tomoyo blushed scarlet and hugged
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172 herself tightly. And then, that kiss. Tomoyo's fingers rested lightly
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173 on her lips as she remembered the eager longing of Sakura's sudden
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174 passion. Even the memory of it left her breathless. If I never see
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175 her again, she thought, I’ll always have that kiss.
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176
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177 With a little sigh, she snapped shut the suitcase and glanced at the
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178 clock. Done, and it’s almost time to leave. Her heart ached with the
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179 finality of it all. But she had resolved that this must be their
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180 final parting. Being together would only lead to pain for them both.
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181 She wondered if she would see Sakura again before leaving, or if
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182 woman had fallen fast asleep. Her heart soared when she heard a light
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183 tapping at the door, and she rushed to open it. In an elated voice
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184 she cried out, “Sakura-chan!”
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185
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186 She opened the door, and there stood Ieran-sama and Fanren. Hastily
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187 bowing, she felt somehow flustered as the two women entered the room.
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188 As she began her apology, Ieran-sama gently interrupted,
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189
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190 “I’m certain Sakura-san will be here shortly. Do you need help with
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191 your bags?”
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192
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193 Tomoyo smiled and shook her head, “No, thank you. I’m all finished
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194 packing now. Oh, but I did have something to give you, if I may.”
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195 Tomoyo took seven perfectly wrapped packages from a little table. One
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196 she gave to Ieran-sama, and one to Fanren. She explained that the
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197 others were for the remaining Li sisters, Syaoran, and Sakura. “They
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198 are nothing special, just little thank-yous for having me here, and
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199 for all of your help and kindness. I’ve had such a wonderful time.”
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200
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201 Ieran took her package, studying the beautiful wrapping paper and
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202 the intricate bow Tomoyo had tied. She looked at Tomoyo and smiled
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203 warmly as she thanked the young designer, then slipped the package
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204 into the folds of her silken gown. Fanren, with less patience, had
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205 eagerly torn open the wrapping of her own present and was admiring a
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206 beautiful jade pin in the shape of a dragonfly. With child-like glee
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207 she exclaimed,
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208
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209 “Tomoyo-chan, it’s lovely! Thank you so very much!” With that she
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210 hugged Tomoyo tightly, practically sweeping the slender woman off her
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211 feet. Tomoyo blushed, then smiled and hugged back. Finally, she bowed
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212 and spoke in her musical voice,
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213
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214 “Thank you again for everything. But perhaps I should finish
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215 dressing before the limousine arrives?”
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216
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217 Ieran smiled and bowed, then gently tugged on Fanren’s sleeve,
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218 bringing the woman out of her Tomoyo-induced fog. Closing the door,
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219 Ieran turned and walked down the dark hallway. Fanren followed, and
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220 in a rueful voice whispered,
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221
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222 “Mother, I think I’m in love.”
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223
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224 Ieran-sama suppressed a grin at her daughter’s half-kidding
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225 confession. Signaling a servant to go help Tomoyo carry her bags, she
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226 wondered to herself, “Who could possibly know that girl and not fall
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227 in love?”
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228
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229 Tomoyo, dressed in the long, chiffon, copper-russet dress she had
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230 bought at Matsizakaya, waited by the driveway as the limousine pulled
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231 up. She felt a twinge of disappointment as she scanned the house for
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232 Sakura. Looking at the mansion one last time, she entered the
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233 spacious back seat of the limousine and heard a voice shout out,
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234
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235 “Wait! Tomoyo-chan, don’t go yet!” As a breathless Sakura tumbled
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236 into the car beside her, Tomoyo felt a surge of exhilaration. She
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237 looked at her panting friend and spoke in a merry voice,
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238
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239 “Sakura-chan, I was afraid you might have fallen asleep.” Then,
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240 noticing the numerous band-aids on her hands, Tomoyo gasped out, “Oh,
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241 Sakura-chan, are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?” Gently took
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242 her friend’s hands in her own and stared at with fearful eyes.
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243 Looking embarrassed, Sakura replied with forced laughter,
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244
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245 “Oh, hah-hah, it’s nothing, really. Just my usual clumsy self. I’m
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246 fine, really I am.” But despite her protestations, she happily left
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247 her hands in Tomoyo’s. Tomoyo calmed down, but still regarded her
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248 friend with a worried look. Sakura smiled and apologized,
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249
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250 “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you. But I had to do something before you
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251 left. Oh, and Ieran-sama wanted me to give you this.” Sakura gave her
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252 a small package, which Tomoyo slipped into her carry-on bag. Sakura
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253 slumped back into the plush seat of the limousine, still holding her
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254 hand. With a gentle squeeze, Tomoyo spoke in a cheery voice,
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255
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256 “It’s all right, Sakura-chan. I’m just happy you’re here now. Thank
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257 you so much for having me. It was the most wonderful vacation I could
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258 ever have had.”
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259
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260 Sakura gazed back, smiling, brushing away her auburn hair with
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261 bandaged fingers. With a happy sigh, she replied,
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262
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263 “This was the most wonderful time I’ve ever had, Tomoyo-chan. But
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264 the best thing about it was just being with you.”
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265
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266 Tomoyo felt a warm glow in her heart as Sakura spoke. Her voice
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267 masked her emotions as she spoke again liltingly, “I’m sure Sakura-
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268 chan will have many more wonderful times in all the magical years to
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269 come.” For several minutes there was only silence as the limousine
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270 snaked it’s way through the heavy traffic. The pale woman felt the
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271 grip on her hand tighten, and sensed her companion’s edginess.
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272 Finally, Sakura spoke up in a quiet voice,
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273
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274 “Tomoyo-chan, I hope you’ll be able to come again sometime. Sometime
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275 soon.”
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276
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277 Tomoyo felt a chill as she thought, no, please Sakura, please don’t.
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278 We can’t. Staring straight ahead, she responded with forced
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279 casualness,
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280
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rlm@2
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281 “I hope so, too.”
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282
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283 Silence. Sakura turned and looked out the window at the city
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284 skyline, or the other cars, or perhaps nothing much at all. In a
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285 hesitant, whispery voice she asked,
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286
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287 “When do you think you might be able to come again?”
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288
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289 “Sakura-chan, I’m really not sure. It will be busy before the
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290 Christmas season, and then there are all the projects for the New
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291 Year, and….”
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292
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293 Her voice trailed away as she fought back the tears. It sounded so
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294 awful, as if her work was more important than Sakura. How could she
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295 say such a thing? But she couldn’t do this again, she just couldn’t.
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296 Seeing Sakura was tearing her soul apart, and could ruin Sakura’s
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297 marriage and beautiful new life. For Sakura’s sake, and her own, she
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298 had to say good-bye. She had to. Tomoyo turned to the window and
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299 choked back a sob. Then she felt Sakura squeeze her hand tightly, and
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300 heard a wistful voice,
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301
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302 “It’s all right Tomoyo-chan, I understand. I’m sorry. I know that
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303 we’ll be together again someday.”
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304
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305 As the limousine pulled up to the airport’s departing area, Tomoyo
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306 felt queasy and weak. She didn’t want to end her trip like this. She
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307 didn’t want this to be the final memory seared into her heart. But
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308 her masks were lost, and the words wouldn’t come. It was all she
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309 could do to keep from crying. Then she heard a voice, genki and
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310 strong, that filled the cold parts of her with summer sunshine,
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311
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312 “We’re here, Tomoyo-chan. Come on, you don’t want to miss your
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313 flight!”
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314
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315 Startled, she turned around and saw Sakura’s bright, beaming smile.
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rlm@2
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316 Relieved, she smiled back, and the two rushed hand-in-hand down the
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317 JAL concourse. Arriving at the gate, Sakura bowed and spoke in a
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318 voice that was happy and sad all at once,
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319
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320 “Arigato gozaimasu, Tomoyo-chan. I was so happy to see you again.
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321 Have a wonderful flight back, and give my love to your Mother.”
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322
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323 Tomoyo bowed and resisted the urge to embrace her beautiful friend,
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324 “Arigato gozaimasu, Sakura-chan. Thank you for everything. Sayonara.”
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325
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326 As she turned reluctantly to go, she heard a whispery voice calling
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327 her back, “Tomoyo-chan. Please.”
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328
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329 She turned and saw Sakura with her head bowed, offering a hastily
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330 wrapped package tied with lavender ribbons. Her voice brimming with
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331 emotion, Sakura said,
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332
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333 “Tomoyo-chan, I’ve felt so bad for so long that you were never able
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334 to have this from your special someone. I’m sorry it’s not very good.
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335 I’m not very good at sewing, and I was sort of in a rush. I know your
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336 true love, if he knew, would do so much better. But since he can’t, I
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337 wanted to give you this from him.”
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338
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339 Stunned, Tomoyo stood motionless. Finally, she reached out and took
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340 the soft package from Sakura’s trembling hands. Then she took the
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341 woman into her arms, her own tears flowing freely. Holding one
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342 another, the two friends clung together in their own world of grief
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343 and joy. Tomoyo desperately wanted to speak, to tell Sakura just how
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344 much she really loved her. But it would be too cruel, so she wept in
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345 silence. Finally, Sakura whispered raggedly,
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346
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347 “Tomoyo-chan, you…you don’t want to miss your flight.”
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348
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349 Tomoyo slowly let go, though she yearned to hold her just a little
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350 bit longer. Instead, she spoke in a voice that sounded so very far
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351 away, “Hai. Sayonara, Sakura-chan.” She moved away and turned to go,
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352 forcing every step that took her farther and farther away from her
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353 one, true love. She glanced back and saw Sakura, smiling through a
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354 tear-streaked face, waving goodbye. Tomoyo paused, hesitant, her
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355 heart pounding wildly. She nearly ran back to those gentle arms, but
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356 instead rushed down the boarding ramp, fumbling for her ticket in a
|
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357 haze of tears.
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358
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359 Sakura watched her go, then walked to a picture window overlooking
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360 the runway. Somehow, she made it until Tomoyo was gone. She stood in
|
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361 shock as the boarding ramp slowly swung away from Tomoyo’s plane.
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362 Dimly she heard the engines roar to life. Pressing her face against
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363 the glass, she whimpered like a forgotten child, “Please don’t go.
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364 Please, Tomoyo-chan. Please don’t go.”
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365
|
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366 As if in a dream, the enormous jet slowly began to pull away. Sakura
|
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367 gazed up at the blue sky and whispered, “In a few minutes she’ll be
|
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368 there, in a beautiful place in the sky.” The odd words echoed in her
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369 head, and suddenly a deluge of memories burst upon her: a little
|
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370 child sobbing in bed, a frighteningly empty chair at a dinning table,
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371 and a brother, her brother, quietly explaining,
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372
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373 “She’s up there now, in a beautiful place in the sky.”
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374
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375 Slowly shaking her head, Sakura moaned softly and began to cry
|
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376 again. Her brave front finally collapsed in a torrent of weeping as
|
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377 she covered her face with bandaged hands. Heads turned to the wailing
|
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378 young woman who sobbed hysterically and staggered into the Ladies’
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379 Room. Her hapless cries reverberated as Tomoyo’s plane, aloft at
|
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380 last, gained altitude for the long flight home.
|
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381
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382
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383
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384
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385
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386
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387
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388
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389
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390
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391
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392
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393
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394
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395
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396
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