annotate old/stories/ccs-happy.txt @ 4:69f0191c9016 moonlitnights tip

added error.log and access.log
author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
parents fc00894c1d4a
children
rev   line source
rlm@2 1 Title: Happy Years
rlm@2 2 Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew
rlm@2 3 Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de
rlm@2 4 Status: Alpha
rlm@2 5 Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
rlm@2 6 Rating: PG-13
rlm@2 7 Category: Romance, a tad bit darkish
rlm@2 8 Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo
rlm@2 9 Timeline: Sequel to "The Different Path"
rlm@2 10 Summary: Tomoyo reflects on the changes in her lives and the
rlm@2 11 experiences she had in her relationship with the "older" Sakura and
rlm@2 12 how the consequences of Sakura's wish begin to catch up with them.
rlm@2 13 Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com),
rlm@2 14 ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), Moonlit
rlm@2 15 Nights (http://jrem.net/moonlit/tsFics.html) others may follow. If you
rlm@2 16 like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm not likely to put
rlm@2 17 stones in your way, but I like to know where it goes.
rlm@2 18 Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically
rlm@2 19 involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing,
rlm@2 20 turn around and leave now.
rlm@2 21 Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted
rlm@2 22 companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline.
rlm@2 23 Story Disclaimer: Happy Years(c)2003 by Matthias Engel
rlm@2 24
rlm@2 25 ******************************
rlm@2 26
rlm@2 27 Foreword
rlm@2 28
rlm@2 29 This is going to be the sequel to The Different Path. I firmed my
rlm@2 30 decision meanwhile that this will tie in with an idea I had for
rlm@2 31 another Sailormoon story. For now there is no visible connection but
rlm@2 32 they will flow together eventually when I get to the main story. But
rlm@2 33 that probably is still in the future.
rlm@2 34 For now, this was prompted a little by one of the reviews I got,
rlm@2 35 wondering how Tomoyo's reaction to all this would be. This is a bit
rlm@2 36 free after the concept "Scenes of the rest of their life" or something
rlm@2 37 like that. The story will be done in diary format with several short
rlm@2 38 and some longer entries... we'll see, I never know this in advance. :)
rlm@2 39
rlm@2 40 ******************************
rlm@2 41
rlm@2 42 Happy Years
rlm@2 43 Based on the works of CLAMP
rlm@2 44 Story Concept by Matthias Engel
rlm@2 45
rlm@2 46 ******************************
rlm@2 47
rlm@2 48 <From the diary of Daidouji Tomoyo, aptly named "Sakura Musings">
rlm@2 49
rlm@2 50 April 13, 1994
rlm@2 51 Dear Diary.
rlm@2 52
rlm@2 53 It has been awhile that I wrote in here and I'm sorry for
rlm@2 54 leaving you at such a crucial point where my dear Sakura seemed to be
rlm@2 55 just inches away from confessing her love to Syaoran. The reason why I
rlm@2 56 didn't get to write in here lately is that something really incredible
rlm@2 57 happened. Something so incredible that it will also effect this diary.
rlm@2 58 For as long as I kept this, I have dedicated these entries
rlm@2 59 solely to my one true love. The walking miracle that is Sakura-chan,
rlm@2 60 trying to capture my thoughts on the beautiful girl that had captured
rlm@2 61 my heart from the first day we met. But now, I can't write about
rlm@2 62 Sakura alone anymore because the most joyous, unexpected thing
rlm@2 63 happened...
rlm@2 64 But let me begin from the beginning, yes? It was on the day
rlm@2 65 Li-kun was going to return home. I had already suspected of course
rlm@2 66 that Sakura as was typical of her would only realize her feelings at
rlm@2 67 the last moment. Not that I want to say that she is... indecisive.
rlm@2 68 Sakura just has a hard time realizing her own feelings but you really
rlm@2 69 cannot fault her for that. It is just as I told her a short while ago.
rlm@2 70 Peoples hearts are hard to predict - even Eriol-kun said so. And
rlm@2 71 usually it is hardest to understand your own heart.
rlm@2 72 But back to what happened. Since Sakura was expected to come to
rlm@2 73 her realization a little late, I went and called her early. That was
rlm@2 74 when the first odd thing happened. I was actually going to tell her
rlm@2 75 about where she could find Li-kun but instead I only reached her
rlm@2 76 brother and Touya told me that she was already out...
rlm@2 77 Going back to practice, I had pretty much shrugged it off and
rlm@2 78 told myself that it didn't matter. If she managed on her own, all the
rlm@2 79 better, even though I would have liked to help. All I ever wanted to
rlm@2 80 be was a part of Sakura's life. Before Li-kun came along I used to
rlm@2 81 entertain the hope that maybe in the future, when her crush on Yukito
rlm@2 82 passed and we were both older, I might actually seize my chance and
rlm@2 83 tell her. But it became apparent that Sakura and Syaoran were meant
rlm@2 84 for each other and developed feelings that both were reluctant to
rlm@2 85 realize and admit to. But that day, when I thought for sure that it
rlm@2 86 would be Syaoran she would ultimately choose as her special person, I
rlm@2 87 had to realize that with all that I deemed to know about Sakura, a
rlm@2 88 person can neither predict someone's else hearts accordingly. I
rlm@2 89 learned that sometimes if you think you know someone else's heart, you
rlm@2 90 might end up surprised.
rlm@2 91 Back to events. It was near the end of our next practice session
rlm@2 92 that I noticed someone watching me. You know that prickling feeling at
rlm@2 93 the base of your neck? It got stronger and stronger and it filled me
rlm@2 94 with almost giddy anticipation although I couldn't fathom why. I had
rlm@2 95 ignored it for awhile, concentrating on the practice. However, it
rlm@2 96 became too much and I finally glanced towards the entrance and there
rlm@2 97 was Sakura.
rlm@2 98 I was so totally baffled I almost missed the next several notes.
rlm@2 99 I would have bet all my insurance - and that is after all plenty -
rlm@2 100 that she would have been with Li-kun at that moment. It was about the
rlm@2 101 time when his bus left for the airport after all... I don't think
rlm@2 102 Sakura ever managed to confuse like this before. I thought I knew my
rlm@2 103 best friend and secret love so well but her appearance had totally
rlm@2 104 thrown my belief for a loop.
rlm@2 105 But that was not the only surprise I should get. Approaching her
rlm@2 106 in the pause, I immediately realized that something was different
rlm@2 107 about her. Outwardly she seemed to be the same person but inside there
rlm@2 108 was something so completely different that it startled me for a
rlm@2 109 moment. I briefly entertained the notion that it might be Mirror or
rlm@2 110 Illusion but was pretty sure that I would notice that. It was still
rlm@2 111 Sakura, just... different... somehow.
rlm@2 112 Then Sakura told me she saw Syaoran off - as expected - and
rlm@2 113 confessed that she does love him. I couldn't help but feel a little
rlm@2 114 disappointed for a brief moment. When I saw her standing there, I
rlm@2 115 hadn't been able to help the thought, the hope that maybe... But that
rlm@2 116 was crazy, illogical, Sakura and Syaoran were meant for each other and
rlm@2 117 Sakura would be happy with him... Or so I immediately told myself
rlm@2 118 again.
rlm@2 119 That was when Sakura really shocked me. While she loves Syaoran,
rlm@2 120 there is a person that she loves equally but who needs her more.
rlm@2 121 Syaoran isn't necessary to give her life meaning and neither is she
rlm@2 122 for Syaoran's life. That is how she put it. Then she told me she
rlm@2 123 couldn't live without me, though, and asked me if I could live without
rlm@2 124 her.
rlm@2 125 Of course the question was silly, needed no answer and I believe
rlm@2 126 Sakura had not expected one. But when her words finally sank in... I
rlm@2 127 can't describe how I feel because I'm not sure if there are words
rlm@2 128 existing in any written or spoken language that properly can describe
rlm@2 129 my feelings in that moment and the ones that followed. I barely
rlm@2 130 managed to find my voice in order to respond, asking what exactly she
rlm@2 131 meant by that. Of course, the question was rhetorical. That spark of
rlm@2 132 hope at seeing Sakura standing there, watching me sing, had exploded
rlm@2 133 from a tiny star into a full-fledged super nova. The meaning of her
rlm@2 134 words had been all too clear, yet the emotions suddenly welling up
rlm@2 135 from deep inside me were overwhelming and hindered my thought process
rlm@2 136 a lot.
rlm@2 137 Sakura told me she wants me - ME - to be her special person and
rlm@2 138 gave me a teddy bear.
rlm@2 139 God, I was sure my heart would stop beating right there, frozen
rlm@2 140 in this moment of perfect bliss.
rlm@2 141 But it didn't, thankfully, because I would surely have regretted
rlm@2 142 if it did. Hearing these three words from Sakura, spoken honestly and
rlm@2 143 with clear conviction behind them was a gift I would cherish forever.
rlm@2 144 Oh, how I had longed for this moment. It hadn't mattered right then
rlm@2 145 that Sakura might be a little different and it still doesn't matter.
rlm@2 146 Nothing really mattered then and right now. Okaasan says I am
rlm@2 147 "deliriously happy" nowadays. But who can forbid me that? Sakura loves
rlm@2 148 me as much as I love her. Her beautiful, kind heart has chosen me to
rlm@2 149 claim that special place only reserved for one person. How can I not
rlm@2 150 be "deliriously happy" then?
rlm@2 151 It had been only later in the day that I found out exactly what
rlm@2 152 had made Sakura change her mind and what is so different about her.
rlm@2 153 The experience was quite shocking itself. Apparently Sakura had been
rlm@2 154 traveling back in time by capturing a hidden Clow Card. She hasn't
rlm@2 155 told me any details about the future she left yet and I won't pry. It
rlm@2 156 is painfully obvious that whatever dire reason she had for this
rlm@2 157 action, whatever had happened in the future, saddened her. It is in
rlm@2 158 her eyes. When she thinks I'm not watching her - what I do most of the
rlm@2 159 time anyway. There is something...haunted there. It pains me to know
rlm@2 160 that my dearest Sakura had to go through such hardships in her time
rlm@2 161 and would give everything to know how to take that pain away. But I
rlm@2 162 will let her decide when she wants to tell me everything. For now what
rlm@2 163 she told me that day at choir practice turns out to be the truth. She
rlm@2 164 is beginning to be happy, more her old self again. I can tell it will
rlm@2 165 be a long path though and by now everyone close to Sakura has noticed
rlm@2 166 some changes but only a few seem concerned. Sakura told me that she
rlm@2 167 could be happy now that she is with me. And she is happy. Genuinely
rlm@2 168 happy. And I am the one that makes her happy!
rlm@2 169 So, what does that mean for this diary? Well, it is not going to
rlm@2 170 be solely dedicated to my beloved anymore. Now that she has proposed
rlm@2 171 to share her life with me, I will make this diary a dedication to OUR
rlm@2 172 relationship. OUR. I still can hardly believe all this and if you ask
rlm@2 173 me now about my exact thoughts, I think I am still not ready to form
rlm@2 174 any remotely coherent ones.
rlm@2 175 It is becoming late, I will write in here some more at a later
rlm@2 176 point.
rlm@2 177
rlm@2 178 ******************************
rlm@2 179
rlm@2 180 May 6, 1994
rlm@2 181
rlm@2 182 Yes, I've said I write earlier but a lot of things happened.
rlm@2 183 Well, not that much but more like what happened has kept us very busy.
rlm@2 184 While I never was opposed to the idea of coming out I am surprised at
rlm@2 185 how fast it is happening. Interestingly neither Sakura's family nor my
rlm@2 186 mother were really surprised at finding out Sakura had chosen me
rlm@2 187 instead of Li-kun. I suspected at much but it still manages to make me
rlm@2 188 happy. The least I wished was to cause Sakura any more trouble. It is
rlm@2 189 apparently hard enough for her to deal with her time travel... aside
rlm@2 190 from complaining about having to go back to school and learn all that
rlm@2 191 boring stuff again! (she's so cute when she pouts!). No, the
rlm@2 192 transition seems not to be an easy one, especially on an emotional
rlm@2 193 level. Sakura is almost clingy ever since confessing to me. Not that I
rlm@2 194 mind, definitely not. But it worries me. It's almost like she expects
rlm@2 195 me to disappear any moment. By now, even without her telling me, I
rlm@2 196 become firmed in my belief that whatever happened in her time must
rlm@2 197 have included my and probably the others' deaths as well. My heart
rlm@2 198 aches at how much pain I sometimes seem in her eyes and since we are
rlm@2 199 sleeping over a lot I have woken more than once finding Sakura shaking
rlm@2 200 with a nightmare. I wish I could take them all away but that's one
rlm@2 201 thing I can't do. All there is left for me is to be there for the one
rlm@2 202 girl I love and help her forget about the trauma that has driven her
rlm@2 203 here and into my waiting arms.
rlm@2 204 Mind you, that sounds like she's a frightened wreck but that
rlm@2 205 isn't the impression I want to give you. Those moments are rare and
rlm@2 206 mostly private. Sakura is most comfortably opening up to me and that
rlm@2 207 display of trust makes me love her even more... if that is even
rlm@2 208 possible. Yet, the change is becoming obvious to anyone close to
rlm@2 209 Sakura. As much as she tries to "act her age", this Sakura IS far more
rlm@2 210 mature and the weight of her heavy past (or future, whatever way you
rlm@2 211 want to look at it) doesn't allow her to completely fall back into her
rlm@2 212 innocent self.
rlm@2 213 Do I love her less because of that? If you know me, you
rlm@2 214 shouldn't even be asking that question. Even if she's older mentally
rlm@2 215 and far from the innocent cheerleader that managed to capture my heart
rlm@2 216 within a second of meeting her, she is still Sakura. There is
rlm@2 217 something unique about her. Actually, there are many things unique
rlm@2 218 about her. Like her big heart that seems to be big enough to include
rlm@2 219 anyone who wants to have a part of it... and even those who don't. Or
rlm@2 220 her fierce determination when she gets an idea in her head. Right now
rlm@2 221 I am experiencing a whole new dimension of that determination all
rlm@2 222 focused on me. It often leaves me overwhelmed thinking alone that
rlm@2 223 Sakura's genki spirit will now always be focused on me and my needs.
rlm@2 224 She's constantly getting me things, asking me what I want to do when
rlm@2 225 all I really need is her. But Sakura is persistent about making me as
rlm@2 226 happy as possible. And I am as happy as possible. Really, I am.
rlm@2 227 It appears I have come a little off topic. I was talking about
rlm@2 228 her families reaction. Quite frankly if there had been any surprise,
rlm@2 229 it would have been on my part if they actually had been surprised.
rlm@2 230 Touya-san is always so observant and looks out for his sister. He
rlm@2 231 never liked Syaoran much for some reason. I always thought it might be
rlm@2 232 that on some level he wanted to keep Sakura close to him. Sometimes I
rlm@2 233 wish I had such a protective brother. However, he seemed rather
rlm@2 234 pleased after admitting to our relationship.
rlm@2 235 Sakura's father, Fujitaka, didn't seem overly surprised either.
rlm@2 236 He just smiled and said he is happy for us and that we will surely
rlm@2 237 take good care of each other. I suppose since he experienced the
rlm@2 238 affection between his wife and my mother, it must have been rather
rlm@2 239 hard even for me to hide my feelings - not that I tried very hard.
rlm@2 240 Both he and Sakura's brother seemed just a little surprised at the
rlm@2 241 suddenness though. Especially since it had been apparent lately that
rlm@2 242 Sakura would choose Li-kun... Neither of them asked about this though
rlm@2 243 or about Sakura's weird mood (she is a lot quieter these days).
rlm@2 244 Anyway, that leaves my mother. Well, Sakura is almost scared of
rlm@2 245 her now, I think. About the way she's going on about how happy she is
rlm@2 246 that we are in love and that we make such an adorable couple. Of
rlm@2 247 course, her older mind must have figured out what happened between her
rlm@2 248 and Nadeshiko by now but I must admit even I find my mother a little
rlm@2 249 intimidating at times when she speaks about her late love (especially
rlm@2 250 in association with Sakura's father)... and Okaasan is practically as
rlm@2 251 fond of Sakura as she is/was of her own mother.
rlm@2 252 Our families aren't the only ones that know though. Sakura's
rlm@2 253 public confession at choir was clear enough. Even if not everyone
rlm@2 254 heard what was said, within the days talk around school had managed to
rlm@2 255 make it pretty much clear to anyone. Rika, Chiharu and Naoko seemed a
rlm@2 256 little surprised but otherwise were more or less alright with it. I
rlm@2 257 think they are more baffled that Sakura's scores have become as high
rlm@2 258 as mine and Rika's...
rlm@2 259 Apart from that everything is fine. We cannot complain, despite
rlm@2 260 all those little things. I am sure, given time, Sakura will get over
rlm@2 261 her experiences and settle into her new life. It still warms my heart
rlm@2 262 to think that she felt obligated enough to choose me for that purpose
rlm@2 263 and not Syaoran. I don't doubt her one minute when she says she really
rlm@2 264 loves me. It's obvious in every action lately, there is no way someone
rlm@2 265 can play that. Besides, Sakura has always been a very honest person, I
rlm@2 266 am sure she wouldn't lie to me - or anyone - about such an important
rlm@2 267 matter. No, Sakura and I are happy and I intend to keep it that way,
rlm@2 268 forever if Sakura wants me to.
rlm@2 269
rlm@2 270 ******************************
rlm@2 271
rlm@2 272 May 20, 1994
rlm@2 273
rlm@2 274 We had our first real date today and it was a glorious event! We
rlm@2 275 hadn't had found time to actually do something like this until now.
rlm@2 276 Okay, if you read this you might say that we are just eleven... Normal
rlm@2 277 kids don't have dates at this age. True, I suppose. The thing is I am
rlm@2 278 quite aware of some of the other kids at school saying how mature I
rlm@2 279 often act and I won't argue with them there if they'd ever directly
rlm@2 280 ask me. That has nothing to do with arrogance. It is more a
rlm@2 281 good-natured confidence in my abilities. I have always had an
rlm@2 282 excellent learning ability. Okaasan says that sometimes she thinks I
rlm@2 283 have some sort of eidetic memory. I wouldn't go so far since then I
rlm@2 284 doubt I would have to study at all for some subjects. No, I have
rlm@2 285 always liked learning new things and ever since meeting Sakura I
rlm@2 286 wanted to learn even more to help this magnificent creature through
rlm@2 287 life. I realized quickly back then that for all her enigmatic
rlm@2 288 abilities she was often a tad bit... naïve (I really don't like that
rlm@2 289 word) and would need guidance in some areas and in others would need
rlm@2 290 to be sheltered. Like a beautiful but fragile flower that will die
rlm@2 291 quickly if not constantly kept in the right environment.
rlm@2 292 To shorten all that. I guess I have always been a little
rlm@2 293 precocious.
rlm@2 294 As for Sakura. Well, she isn't the innocent girl anymore anyone
rlm@2 295 knew. The other children have more or less gotten used to it but they
rlm@2 296 seem a little... "weird out" to quote Sakura herself. That was to be
rlm@2 297 expected too, though. No, given that in her mind Sakura was already
rlm@2 298 seven years older than me, I believe you can grant her the right to go
rlm@2 299 out on dates, right? I think she's having a harder time with some
rlm@2 300 things about being little again than she lets on. I mean, I can hardly
rlm@2 301 begin to comprehend what it has to feel like, suddenly being younger
rlm@2 302 again, with a full recollection of being almost an adult. Must be
rlm@2 303 really weird. I am helping her as much as I can and am amazed again
rlm@2 304 and again every day at Sakura's ability to let her self be loved but
rlm@2 305 also at giving back this love. I have never felt so... important
rlm@2 306 before in my life. Why it is true that I am probably one of the
rlm@2 307 smartest girls in my age class - Sakura not withstanding (but she has
rlm@2 308 seven years in advance of me, technically) -, I can hardly say that I
rlm@2 309 had much friends or other such social contact outside of occasional
rlm@2 310 choir practice before coming to Tomoeda and meeting Sakura.
rlm@2 311 Meeting Sakura has been a blessing and that is why I will be
rlm@2 312 eternally grateful and why I would never dream of rejecting her just
rlm@2 313 because she's... different now. My love is hers forever and always.
rlm@2 314 After all Rika-san is seeing someone older too (I have a suspicion
rlm@2 315 Sakura knows from the looks she gives her sometimes but she won't
rlm@2 316 tell), so why should it be different for me? Sakura is still Sakura.
rlm@2 317 Seven years of life experience and maturity have not really destroyed
rlm@2 318 what I love about her. Certainly not. There is a lot of sadness and
rlm@2 319 pain but it is dulling, I can tell, and that is bound to have some
rlm@2 320 effects on her personality. Like she's quieter, calmer, more serious.
rlm@2 321 However, I have witnessed enough moments already that show that Sakura
rlm@2 322 is still able to let go and simply enjoy the moment.
rlm@2 323 No, I won't... I can't love her any less. This is all a part of
rlm@2 324 Sakura now. Besides, the new level of maturity doesn't only have
rlm@2 325 negative effects. At times I actually find myself liking the older
rlm@2 326 Sakura a little more since we are now able to communicate on a higher
rlm@2 327 level. Not that she's suddenly become a genius but she certainly does
rlm@2 328 know a lot more about life in general as the Sakura before the fateful
rlm@2 329 day at choir practice. I will forever cherish her innocent self, yet I
rlm@2 330 know it is not completely lost. In time I am sure she will be a lot
rlm@2 331 like the old Sakura again. I'll take her any way she wants to be, that
rlm@2 332 is for sure.
rlm@2 333 But I've been getting away from the point. I actually wanted to
rlm@2 334 talk about the date! You see how much she is affecting me already,
rlm@2 335 normally I would not digress from the point that much. Not that I am
rlm@2 336 complaining, mind you.
rlm@2 337 Anyway, it was very beautiful. We had found ourselves a nice,
rlm@2 338 sheltered spot at our all time favorite King Penguin park. It had been
rlm@2 339 a warm, sunny day, perfect for a picnic for two (Sakura had to
rlm@2 340 literally threaten Kero not sneak in and disturb us). I think I must
rlm@2 341 have giggled like a little child with joy when Sakura proceeded to use
rlm@2 342 Flower and create a bed of Sakura blossoms for us. It was so
rlm@2 343 beautiful, so absolutely perfect!
rlm@2 344 We sat there for hours, talking or simply enjoying each others
rlm@2 345 company. Sakura seemed to have made it her special duty to make this
rlm@2 346 the perfect day for me. I am a little disappointed for not getting
rlm@2 347 much to do in return but seeing how happy Sakura was just relaxing,
rlm@2 348 being with me, it makes my heart flutter even now. For the first time
rlm@2 349 since her time travel I think I finally saw her completely at peace.
rlm@2 350 This is a very precious memory to me.
rlm@2 351 And then, as evening drew closer, Sakura somehow managed to find
rlm@2 352 the perfect ending. I still can't believe she did that! It was all so
rlm@2 353 amazing. I hadn't suspected anything when Sakura told me I had to hold
rlm@2 354 tight onto her so that she could show me a special gift. Needing no
rlm@2 355 reason to not comply with such a thrilling request, I was caught a
rlm@2 356 little off guard than Sakura called for Fly. I had never thought she
rlm@2 357 could carry me! (at least not that long) It was a little bit of a
rlm@2 358 strain for her, I could tell, but she managed. And if the sheer
rlm@2 359 excitement of being carried through the late evening sky hadn't been
rlm@2 360 enough, just guess where she set us down!
rlm@2 361 At the top of Tokyo Tower!
rlm@2 362 We sat there for almost an hour, watching the sunset. It was a
rlm@2 363 moment straight out of a picture... or maybe more like a famous
rlm@2 364 painting. Oh yes, it was a little cold up there but I hardly minded.
rlm@2 365 Not to mention that Sakura seemed to have the presence of mind to keep
rlm@2 366 up a little fire magic all the time (she really has gotten A LOT
rlm@2 367 better).
rlm@2 368 Once again I am not sure I can describe what exactly went
rlm@2 369 through me when, close to the end, Sakura whispered to me an
rlm@2 370 "Aishiteru" in a voice thick with emotion and followed that up with a
rlm@2 371 short but sensual kiss. There is too much that is still waging inside
rlm@2 372 of me like a hurricane and it is all too jumbled to put into words,
rlm@2 373 nor would words do any of it justice. However, I can tell you for sure
rlm@2 374 that if Sakura hadn't held me tightly the whole time, I am sure I
rlm@2 375 would have fallen off the support beam we had settled on.
rlm@2 376 I am still so... thrilled! I have been trying to get to sleep
rlm@2 377 for almost an hour now to no avail, so I decided to sit down and write
rlm@2 378 all this down now rather than tomorrow. However, I am still much too
rlm@2 379 excited. I wonder if I get any sleep tonight at all! Sakura is really
rlm@2 380 an unique experience and it gets even more special than you are the
rlm@2 381 single-most focus of her attention!
rlm@2 382 Dear Diary, I really AM the happiest girl in the world!
rlm@2 383
rlm@2 384 ******************************
rlm@2 385
rlm@2 386 April 5, 1997
rlm@2 387
rlm@2 388 It's been a long time since I wrote in here. Almost three years.
rlm@2 389 Oops.
rlm@2 390 I guess life has simply been too good for me to write down
rlm@2 391 anything. I have my tapes after all and all those wonderful memories
rlm@2 392 of three wonderful years with Sakura so far which are far more worth
rlm@2 393 than any recorded pictures could ever be. I can hardly believe it's
rlm@2 394 been that long. We are both in our second year of Junior High now. I
rlm@2 395 could tell you so many things now but I think I'd be sitting here all
rlm@2 396 night. Well, it's Friday but still...
rlm@2 397 Oh, who am I kidding? There is a reason after all I actually
rlm@2 398 remembered having that diary, I thought writing in here again would
rlm@2 399 actually help me calm my mind and get things into the right
rlm@2 400 perspective. You see, Sakura and I have reached a phase of our
rlm@2 401 relationship that probably has to come for any couple one time or
rlm@2 402 another. We had our first big fight just five days ago. God, I feel so
rlm@2 403 horrible. It was so dumb and unnecessary and... I just... don't know
rlm@2 404 what's gotten into me.
rlm@2 405 Maybe I should start from the beginning. I'm not sure where the
rlm@2 406 tension really began to build up but I believe it might have been
rlm@2 407 since we entered Junior High. There were just slight nuisances,
rlm@2 408 beginnings of something that seemed to bother Sakura greatly. Tomoeda
rlm@2 409 Junior High is a little different than the Elementary School... or it
rlm@2 410 is VERY different may be a better way to describe it. The teachers are
rlm@2 411 very strict as is the headmaster, the school prides itself with its
rlm@2 412 good image and tradition. That posed to be a problem for us. Back in
rlm@2 413 Elementary School everyone more or less took us for granted. We were
rlm@2 414 THE couple, really. Everyone found it cute and romantic that we were
rlm@2 415 together... well, mostly everyone. Now, now we have to be extremely
rlm@2 416 careful around whom we can trust to show feelings for the other that
rlm@2 417 are more than friendship. Within the first weeks at Tomoeda Junior
rlm@2 418 High we learned the hard way that Japanese society might tolerate a
rlm@2 419 cute crush between two young girls but if they turn out to be two
rlm@2 420 maturing young teenagers who openly show their love for each other,
rlm@2 421 then the alarm bells are ringing in some people's heads. It is a good
rlm@2 422 thing our families stand behind us and support our relationship
rlm@2 423 despite some of the harsh treatment we had to endure at the beginning.
rlm@2 424 I swear Okaasan was ready to sue the school, Touya-oniisan right
rlm@2 425 behind her.
rlm@2 426 Things settled down eventually and the initial uproar has blown
rlm@2 427 over. Most people know about us but choose to ignore it. There are
rlm@2 428 some rare people who actually try to support us - if not officially
rlm@2 429 than at least in small actions (for example: giving leeway in the way
rlm@2 430 of discipline or maybe giving a higher grade when one of us was
rlm@2 431 in-between). So, not all people there are traditional man in business
rlm@2 432 suits who'd rather improve their self-image than care for their
rlm@2 433 students, but a lot of them are. And not only once had we played with
rlm@2 434 the tempting thought of transfer. There were enough - more modern and
rlm@2 435 open-minded - schools in the area and both of us were smart enough;
rlm@2 436 money wasn't an issue either.
rlm@2 437 I think it's a bit of defiance probably. Not too mention all of
rlm@2 438 our friends are there, even Rika who really could have gotten into a
rlm@2 439 better school. But I can understand her well enough after finally
rlm@2 440 figuring out that she is seeing Terada-sensei (who had - not so
rlm@2 441 surprisingly - also transferred to Junior High, leaving me wondering
rlm@2 442 if Rika followed him or he followed her!). That was a bit of a shock
rlm@2 443 at first but at the moment I guess we are sitting in the same boat,
rlm@2 444 sort of, and neither of us is keen on budging. Society can be cruel
rlm@2 445 sometimes, especially the traditional-bound Japanese one. While
rlm@2 446 Western influences had lessened that, there still were a lot of old
rlm@2 447 families with a lot of influence.
rlm@2 448 But enough about that. It has little do with the current dilemma
rlm@2 449 since most of the drama had been in the beginning. I just mentioned it
rlm@2 450 because some of it might have affected Sakura more than I initially
rlm@2 451 thought. Why I still can't fathom but... Well, I hoped it would make
rlm@2 452 more sense writing it down, however, it seems I am back to where I
rlm@2 453 started from.
rlm@2 454 The confrontation had been coming a long way, I guess, and yet I
rlm@2 455 felt so terrible about it. I had noticed that Sakura is spending more
rlm@2 456 and more time by herself, only with Kerberos (and I think Yue too but
rlm@2 457 I can't be sure). I tried to talk to her about it but she's always
rlm@2 458 saying the same thing. "I'm fine, Tomo-chan, don't worry about me."
rlm@2 459 Somehow this feels a little like déjà vu. I used to say things like
rlm@2 460 that often when we were just innocent children. It irked me a little
rlm@2 461 but nevertheless I respected Sakura's privacy. She is after all a lot
rlm@2 462 older than me (in her mind at least) and sometimes she just gets
rlm@2 463 frustrated with being young again. You would think it'd be a blessing
rlm@2 464 for anyone, yet living it is probably a lot different, I guess. She
rlm@2 465 won't tell me much about it... or everything concerning the time
rlm@2 466 travel that brought her ultimately into my arms. Which brings us back
rlm@2 467 to the root of the problem.
rlm@2 468 At first I could ignore all of this, believing it must be too
rlm@2 469 painful to remember or to talk about and Sakura doesn't want to worry
rlm@2 470 me. Then, about half a year ago, a little after my fourteenth
rlm@2 471 birthday, she started to spend all those hours alone in her room at
rlm@2 472 her house (where she barely ever is anymore, at least not alone). I am
rlm@2 473 pretty sure it has something to do with the cards and in this regard
rlm@2 474 probably with Time. I remember that Kero lectured Sakura again and
rlm@2 475 again about consequences for capturing and using Time but my
rlm@2 476 girlfriend never seemed to be overly concerned. And, as I said
rlm@2 477 already, she won't tell me any details whenever I ask.
rlm@2 478 Everything came to a climax at the beginning of the week. It was
rlm@2 479 April 1, start of the new grade and Sakura's birthday. I had spent
rlm@2 480 practically the whole weekend preparing a special treatment just for
rlm@2 481 my special girlfriend. I had hoped that would help relax her a little
rlm@2 482 and maybe she'd open up to me. Not that I would have pressed.
rlm@2 483 I had everything set, Okaasan was on a business trip and I had
rlm@2 484 sent most of the serving stuff home. I told Sakura to come over after
rlm@2 485 her club practice (she's still doing cheerleading but most of it
rlm@2 486 half-heartedly, she actually has joined the Choir club so that we
rlm@2 487 could spent even more time together). And so I sat there, alone in the
rlm@2 488 big house and waited for Sakura.
rlm@2 489 Sakura didn't come.
rlm@2 490 At first I became worried that something might have happened so
rlm@2 491 I called her on our private phones, only to discover that Sakura had
rlm@2 492 turned off hers, something I discovered she was almost always doing
rlm@2 493 when working with the cards. I considered going over and looking for
rlm@2 494 myself but something in me was rebelling and refused to just chase
rlm@2 495 after my errand girlfriend. A feeling rather new and unusual for me. I
rlm@2 496 usually tended to defend Sakura's actions even if I should by all
rlm@2 497 standards be angry with some. For me Sakura's happiness had always
rlm@2 498 been valued higher than anyone else's - including my own. Ironically
rlm@2 499 enough, thinking about it now, the anger might be a result of Sakura's
rlm@2 500 own doing. The brunette was so adamant about our relationship that she
rlm@2 501 had practically made me speak my mind more often, whenever something
rlm@2 502 is bothering me or I just need to talk to her, she made it very clear,
rlm@2 503 that she will always be there for me, insisting for me to confide in
rlm@2 504 her always.
rlm@2 505 I was still worried but I knew that if something happened to
rlm@2 506 Sakura I would know it. I had known in my heart if she was in danger.
rlm@2 507 Besides, she'd never turn off that phone other than for her magical
rlm@2 508 studies that she was so secretive about. So I waited, and Sakura
rlm@2 509 didn't come.
rlm@2 510 Next morning I confronted her before school. Turns out she
rlm@2 511 "forgot"! She forgot about her own private birthday party with her
rlm@2 512 girlfriend?! I might have bought that from the innocent ten-year old
rlm@2 513 before the whole time travel incident but not from her, not now. And
rlm@2 514 then she had the audacity to brush me off with a feeble apology that
rlm@2 515 she "is not feeling well".
rlm@2 516 To quote Sakura: Hoe?
rlm@2 517 Sakura doesn't just simply feel "not well". My girlfriend is the
rlm@2 518 healthiest girl I know, really. She's so full of energy that she's
rlm@2 519 almost bursting most of the time. While it has been much more reserved
rlm@2 520 since her change it is still there. It's something so typical Sakura
rlm@2 521 that you can't miss it after having seen it once.
rlm@2 522 And what shocked me more and is still puzzling me is that look
rlm@2 523 she gave me. Sakura almost seemed scared, not off me, but maybe
rlm@2 524 something having to do with me. And that scared me in return. Having
rlm@2 525 Sakura look so... lost... and as if the devil was chasing her (I
rlm@2 526 really can't describe it any better) was disconcerting to say the
rlm@2 527 least.
rlm@2 528 All throughout the day and the next morning almost no word had
rlm@2 529 been spoken between us. I think that was the longest ever since we've
rlm@2 530 been together and not separated by vacation or other things. And I
rlm@2 531 swear the whole school seemed to have picked up on it. Even some of
rlm@2 532 the teachers who usually loved to focus their attention on us made a
rlm@2 533 point not to.
rlm@2 534 Tuesday afternoon I finally had enough. I was confused about all
rlm@2 535 of this but I was also feeling uncharacteristically angry. I wanted to
rlm@2 536 know what was going on. I didn't see what I could have done wrong and
rlm@2 537 Sakura would neither speak up on her own or come over as she usually
rlm@2 538 did. And that devastating silence was straining my nerves. So then,
rlm@2 539 finally, I went over to the Kinomoto house and practically marched
rlm@2 540 into her room (the look on Touya's face would have been priceless if I
rlm@2 541 hadn't been in such a foul mood).
rlm@2 542 I had secretly hoped to find Sakura sitting on her desk, working
rlm@2 543 with her cards or something like that. That way I would have at least
rlm@2 544 had somewhere to start but that didn't stop or slow me down any. I
rlm@2 545 think, analyzing it now, most of my feelings weren't so much anger as
rlm@2 546 they were frustration, frustration fueled by worry and the uncertainty
rlm@2 547 of what was going on with my girlfriend. She is the most important
rlm@2 548 thing in my life and I think I deserve to know what is going on in her
rlm@2 549 life. She told me pretty much the same after all. Doesn't she trust me
rlm@2 550 with this? I was... still am a little hurt about that. Maybe it's
rlm@2 551 unfair to feel like that but I really can't help it at the moment.
rlm@2 552 When I told her all that, told her that I wanted to know what
rlm@2 553 was going on, why she was shutting me out from her magical studies and
rlm@2 554 why she never told me about the future. I wanted to know, even if it
rlm@2 555 might not be pleasant. I am sure she was trying to protect me in some
rlm@2 556 way and I am grateful for that, but I am also still her girlfriend and
rlm@2 557 couldn't just stand by letting Sakura worry herself all on her own.
rlm@2 558 I am still mulling over her response. Sakura actually apologized
rlm@2 559 for being so absent lately and that she was doing very important
rlm@2 560 things that had to be taken care off. And that there were some things
rlm@2 561 she couldn't tell me yet... I swear I could hear the "I tell you if
rlm@2 562 you are older" behind the words (again déjà vu) and that really leaves
rlm@2 563 me puzzled. Sakura rarely makes comments likes that or treats anyone
rlm@2 564 as if she is really those seven years older. And it's not just an act
rlm@2 565 but rather genuine from what I can tell.
rlm@2 566 Before I could come up with any sort of response she had gently
rlm@2 567 but persistently made me leave, saying she had some things to do,
rlm@2 568 alone, and that right now she couldn't be distracted. And THAT really
rlm@2 569 hurt. It felt like Sakura was purposefully trying to put distance
rlm@2 570 between us. As if she was afraid that something might happen if we
rlm@2 571 were too close right now.
rlm@2 572 I have the very distinct feeling that I am missing something
rlm@2 573 obvious here but I just can't put my finger on it.
rlm@2 574 This had been about three days ago and apart from sporadic talk
rlm@2 575 in school, there had been a deep wedge between us and I simply felt
rlm@2 576 terrible about it. Logically seen there was no reason for me to feel
rlm@2 577 at fault but this state was becoming unbearable. Being so close to my
rlm@2 578 one and true love and yet so far away... I feel like I am going to
rlm@2 579 explode any moment now!
rlm@2 580 No, I didn't really feel at fault. However, I felt extremely
rlm@2 581 worried and a little ashamed at my reaction. After all everyone had
rlm@2 582 their secrets, so why should Sakura be an exception. How could I know
rlm@2 583 that with my intense reaction I might have even made it worse than it
rlm@2 584 actually was? Also she had sacrificed so much by traveling back in
rlm@2 585 time, she gave up Syaoran to be with me. I should by all means be
rlm@2 586 thankful.
rlm@2 587 Yet, the fact remained that I was worried. For Sakura and for
rlm@2 588 us. I feel very lucky to have such a fierce protector, nevertheless
rlm@2 589 this had reached a point where I felt utterly excluded from things.
rlm@2 590 Doesn't she understand that seeing her worried and in pain, pains me
rlm@2 591 equally? How can she expect by shutting me out not to make me worry? I
rlm@2 592 have to know what is going on and I will...
rlm@2 593 Yes, my decision is made. Tomorrow I will go over and find out
rlm@2 594 what all this is about. I might not like it but that should be for me
rlm@2 595 to decide. I wanted my girlfriend back, all the pros and cons about
rlm@2 596 her, nothing less. I will apologize for being so angry but I will also
rlm@2 597 make sure that she knows that I am worried about her and that all I
rlm@2 598 want to do is help her. We have always been together through so many
rlm@2 599 things. The school problems at the beginning of last year hadn't
rlm@2 600 managed to drive a wedge between us, so I won't let this thing
rlm@2 601 (whatever it is) either. Sakura has to realize that and I will make
rlm@2 602 her realize it!
rlm@2 603 Reading back over that last paragraph, I think I sound rather
rlm@2 604 scary... Hah, I feel a lot better now. Tomorrow I will make sure to
rlm@2 605 fix whatever is burdening our relationship or at least to share that
rlm@2 606 burden with Sakura. Thanks, Diary, sometimes it's nice to have
rlm@2 607 somewhere to write all this down and analyze your thoughts. That
rlm@2 608 really helped me today.
rlm@2 609
rlm@2 610 ******************************
rlm@2 611
rlm@2 612 April 7, 1997
rlm@2 613
rlm@2 614 Some time ago, someone - I am not sure who - said to me that too
rlm@2 615 much wisdom, too much knowledge poisons the mind. It sounded like the
rlm@2 616 words of a wise man then and even more so now. I wonder if I would
rlm@2 617 have been better off listening to them...
rlm@2 618 Okay, that sounds very gloomy. There is enough motivation for
rlm@2 619 that though. Thinking my dearest Sakura had to go through all...
rlm@2 620 this... terrible... things. I had wanted to know. Now I knew and I
rlm@2 621 feel a certain numbness and a deep sadness coming from that knowledge.
rlm@2 622 But I am not making much sense to you, do I? So I better start
rlm@2 623 from the beginning.
rlm@2 624 My decision made I had wanted to go over early to Sakura and
rlm@2 625 make her tell me about all that bothered her lately. That is where I
rlm@2 626 got my first surprise, finding the demure and rather meek-looking
rlm@2 627 brunette at my doorstep, appearing for all it was worth like a
rlm@2 628 chastened child. I immediately felt sick in my heart, knowing that I
rlm@2 629 was probably one of the main reasons for her state. After writing my
rlm@2 630 thoughts down, I had lain awake for some time, regret beginning to
rlm@2 631 plague me. Regret for some of the harsh words traded and the
rlm@2 632 accusation I had so blindly uttered. I knew that something was
rlm@2 633 troubling Sakura and that she just wanted to shield me from it.
rlm@2 634 Certainly I hadn't done her a favor with my explosion of temper, as
rlm@2 635 rare as it was.
rlm@2 636 Therefore I was quick to assure her that I wasn't at all angry
rlm@2 637 with her anymore when she practically begged for forgiveness. I felt
rlm@2 638 so terrible that moment, seeing her so lost and obviously torn inside.
rlm@2 639 How could I have ever even thought that she doesn't trust me? The
rlm@2 640 appearance she gave yesterday morning spoke more than the revelation
rlm@2 641 of any secret how devoted she is to me, how much she depends on my
rlm@2 642 presence and love.
rlm@2 643 After we had calmed down a little, Sakura asked me if I still
rlm@2 644 wanted to know. She revealed that it might not make a difference
rlm@2 645 anymore soon and she probably couldn't shield me from what was to
rlm@2 646 come. As gentle as possible I made her see that I wanted to know
rlm@2 647 EVERYTHING that was going on in her life. We were a couple, and
rlm@2 648 couples share such things, they share everything. We were so close
rlm@2 649 already and despite feeling like dirt at the moment, I hated to not
rlm@2 650 being able to care for my Sakura properly, not knowing what it was
rlm@2 651 that bothered her.
rlm@2 652 Sakura just smiled at me a little sadly but with more fondness
rlm@2 653 and love I had seen her do in a long while. And then she told me.
rlm@2 654 Kami, yes, she told me... everything! I sat there just listening, numb
rlm@2 655 with shock over some of the things that were revealed to me that very
rlm@2 656 moment.
rlm@2 657 I am not sure I should write all this down, I am not sure I even
rlm@2 658 can. However, I feel that if someone ever reads this, they deserve to
rlm@2 659 know about what that innocent, gentle creature had to go through, what
rlm@2 660 kind of future she left behind by risking so much to come here and set
rlm@2 661 things right. Set things right mostly for me. I don't think I really
rlm@2 662 deserve that, I feel insignificant compared to Sakura's big heart. She
rlm@2 663 had made clear to me that what she did wasn't done primarily in order
rlm@2 664 to save the world from the terrible future she had witnessed but in
rlm@2 665 the first place it was because of me. Her wish while confronting Time
rlm@2 666 wasn't about setting things right for the world, that had only been in
rlm@2 667 the back of her mind. Her sole motivation was for me and the love she
rlm@2 668 felt she owed me. It's all so amazing and hard to believe, how can I
rlm@2 669 even hope to compare to that with my meager devotion?
rlm@2 670 Still, I wanted to tell you of what happened in that future
rlm@2 671 Sakura left and might as well do so. Everything started out as
rlm@2 672 normally as you may expect. Sakura and Syaoran were happy. All three
rlm@2 673 of us had stuck together all the way up to and through High School. It
rlm@2 674 was after graduation that IT happened. No one on Earth at that time
rlm@2 675 truly knew what exactly caused it, where the malevolent creature came
rlm@2 676 from. However, when She began to emerge and reign terror on the cities
rlm@2 677 of the planet it was like the very definition of hell, many brave
rlm@2 678 warriors and magicians fell to Her infinite seeming power. In the
rlm@2 679 matter of a few month the world became a place darker than night,
rlm@2 680 filled with death and despair.
rlm@2 681 In Greek mythology there is a tale about a box that the first
rlm@2 682 woman on Earth opened because she was curious. This box harbored all
rlm@2 683 of the humanity's darker emotion. Fear, jealousy, hate, greed, bigotry
rlm@2 684 (you can continue that list endlessly). The woman was named Pandora
rlm@2 685 and the box had become known as Pandora's Box. I am not sure whether
rlm@2 686 it is a coincidence, a connection or just the perverted humor of fate
rlm@2 687 but the creature that had wrecked havoc in Sakura's future had been
rlm@2 688 aptly named Pandora as well.
rlm@2 689 The little Sakura described about her still sent shivers down my
rlm@2 690 spine, thinking about the emotions alone I saw in her normally vivid
rlm@2 691 and cheerful eyes and heard in her soft, whispered tones. Fear. There
rlm@2 692 was fear. Not anger or loathing or rage at the unbelievable things
rlm@2 693 that evil creature had done to her and Earth. Those emotions were
rlm@2 694 there too, but they were insignificant compared to the fear and the
rlm@2 695 terror emitting from Sakura speaking of her experience. Eriol said
rlm@2 696 that Sakura was the strongest mage on Earth now and to just think
rlm@2 697 about something or someone evoking such strong reactions from my
rlm@2 698 beloved is... unsettling doesn't even begin to describe it.
rlm@2 699 Pandora had turned Earth into a world of terror and fear and
rlm@2 700 there was no one able to stop her path of destruction. Sakura
rlm@2 701 described her as something very old, totally incapable of having
rlm@2 702 positive emotion. Her whole being was a reflection, the epitome of any
rlm@2 703 dark emotion you could come up with. Her whole purpose was to turn
rlm@2 704 everything into oblivion in the most painful, torturous way possible.
rlm@2 705 Her powers were so massive that compared to her Sakura's own seemed
rlm@2 706 like comparing an ant with an elephant.
rlm@2 707 And the worst part is, Sakura steadfastly believes that the same
rlm@2 708 thing might happen again very soon if she doesn't do something about
rlm@2 709 it in advance.
rlm@2 710 That is what she has been doing the last months, using the cards
rlm@2 711 to predict the future and possible chances to prevent the fate that
rlm@2 712 had befallen her own time from happening here. I cried for Sakura's
rlm@2 713 grief at her description at how Pandora had come for her as well and
rlm@2 714 how she had to watch first Syaoran's death and then my own. She
rlm@2 715 visibly relieved that moment and it was a torturing experience. I
rlm@2 716 realized then that it must have been that moment that Sakura finally
rlm@2 717 realized my feelings and that still makes me choke back an angry sob.
rlm@2 718 That is not how I would have wanted Sakura to find out. I know she was
rlm@2 719 caring so much for all those close to her and that she could never
rlm@2 720 live with my death. That is why I had sworn to myself that even if
rlm@2 721 Sakura ended up with Syaoran and we drifted apart, I wouldn't do
rlm@2 722 anything rash and stupid. I know I would just make Sakura sad and hate
rlm@2 723 herself and that is a thought I cannot stand.
rlm@2 724 I had to hold and reassure her for almost half an hour before
rlm@2 725 she managed to calm down. I smoothed the embarrassment Sakura felt at
rlm@2 726 having broken down like that immediately, making sure that she knows I
rlm@2 727 would and will never do anything like this on purpose. Not that I have
rlm@2 728 a reason now but it was very important at that moment to soothe those
rlm@2 729 fears.
rlm@2 730 I wasn't quite sure what to do or say to soothe her fears about
rlm@2 731 Pandora though. Sakura hadn't even done more when describing
rlm@2 732 superficially what happened and I can tell where is a lot still left
rlm@2 733 untold (which right now really isn't much of a bad thing). Just from
rlm@2 734 watching how terrified the usually brave and determined girl was of
rlm@2 735 that evil creature put me at a loss for words. What could little,
rlm@2 736 unimportant me do after all? All I managed was that weak reminder of
rlm@2 737 her magic phrase again. Everything would surely be alright. Yeah sure,
rlm@2 738 I am quite sure I had said the same thing in her future and I know now
rlm@2 739 that it hadn't helped a tiny bit.
rlm@2 740 Thinking along these lines I was rather surprised to find Sakura
rlm@2 741 looking at me with a serious expression, a flicker of that
rlm@2 742 breathtaking determination in her eyes. Then she said the absolutely
rlm@2 743 sweetest thing. That this phrase held little meaning without me there.
rlm@2 744 I breathed life into the phrase, gave it a purpose, a direction. That
rlm@2 745 as long as I was there that everything WILL always be alright. And
rlm@2 746 that because of me and us being together, my love fueling her, pushing
rlm@2 747 me onward, she might be able to change the future and make it better
rlm@2 748 for us. That is why she had pushed herself so hardly lately, to
rlm@2 749 prevent all this from happening. For me.
rlm@2 750 ME.
rlm@2 751 Wow.
rlm@2 752 My expression must have been priceless that moment. But Sakura
rlm@2 753 didn't express her obviously humor, just a fond, loving smile,
rlm@2 754 followed by a kiss so sensual and utterly devouring I felt like I was
rlm@2 755 being sucked right into her. My body is still shaking from the
rlm@2 756 feelings coursing through me. I could feel all the pent up
rlm@2 757 frustrations of the last months but also all the love she felt for me.
rlm@2 758 I realized then that until that moment that as much as I thought I
rlm@2 759 knew how lucky I was, how much Sakura loved me and was willing to give
rlm@2 760 for me, I never had completely understood.
rlm@2 761 I am not sure if we can weather that storm. I really am not as
rlm@2 762 much as I wish to fuel myself but... I will have faith in Sakura and
rlm@2 763 if she wishes me to be by her side, supporting her as much as I can,
rlm@2 764 then I will. I will believe in my angel, my savior. If anyone can do
rlm@2 765 it, she can.
rlm@2 766
rlm@2 767 THE END (for now)
rlm@2 768
rlm@2 769 Author's Notes
rlm@2 770
rlm@2 771 Okay, this might seem a little cut off and doesn't explain everything,
rlm@2 772 probably only serves to open up more questions. But that was wholly
rlm@2 773 intended that way. I think I revealed already more than I wanted at
rlm@2 774 that point anyway.
rlm@2 775 This is going to be part of a bigger project, a background story so to
rlm@2 776 say but you can read it as a stand alone as well (I hope). There will
rlm@2 777 be one more installment (probably featuring two parts) that will tie
rlm@2 778 things up for the background story and Sakura and Tomoyo's
rlm@2 779 involvement. Seeing that Maia seems to have a good inspiration streak
rlm@2 780 right now, you may see it sooner than you think.
rlm@2 781 Don't worry Sailormoon fans as I said this will tie into a bigger
rlm@2 782 project and you will soon get to see something of it (always assuming
rlm@2 783 Maia complies).
rlm@2 784
rlm@2 785 Some things to clear up.
rlm@2 786 First off, I changed a tiny amount of things in "The Different Path".
rlm@2 787 No real revision but more little details that are necessary. I am a
rlm@2 788 perfectionist than writing, especially concerning facts like a working
rlm@2 789 timeline that makes sense. I realized that the birth year given for
rlm@2 790 Tomoyo on her tombstone has actually to be one year earlier or she'll
rlm@2 791 end up younger than Sakura. Why this might be possible, it doesn't
rlm@2 792 work out for the timeline of the greater project. That's really a