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annotate old/stories/ccsnewlyweds.txt @ 2:fc00894c1d4a moonlitnights

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[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author rlm
date Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500
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rlm@2 1 Kero-chan's Newlywed Game
rlm@2 2 As transcribed by Yukito no Miko
rlm@2 3
rlm@2 4 ------------------------------------------------------
rlm@2 5
rlm@2 6 Don't look for continuity, plot, or other things of
rlm@2 7 that nature. Yes, I know the Newlywed Game is
rlm@2 8 supposed to have four couples. I didn't feel like
rlm@2 9 adding a fourth.
rlm@2 10
rlm@2 11 All things Sakura belong to CLAMP and Kodansha,
rlm@2 12 though eventually they'll belong to the demon Mixx as
rlm@2 13 well. Don't expect me to give them any credit.
rlm@2 14 Bastards.
rlm@2 15
rlm@2 16 ------------------------------------------------------
rlm@2 17
rlm@2 18 Kero-chan: Konyanyachiwa!! This is a very special
rlm@2 19 Kero-chan ni omakase no corner!! We're going to play
rlm@2 20 Kero-chan's Newlywed Game, a very fun game invented
rlm@2 21 by me, Cerberus! Of course, since I invented it, it'd
rlm@2 22 have to be fun, right? I'm so cool! Now, let's meet
rlm@2 23 our contestants!! Couple number one, come on down!
rlm@2 24
rlm@2 25 Yukito: Are? I thought the term was "Go down..."
rlm@2 26
rlm@2 27 Touya: *o_o*
rlm@2 28
rlm@2 29 *Yukito and Touya sit down*
rlm@2 30
rlm@2 31 Kero-chan: o_o;; Err. . . thank you, couple number
rlm@2 32 one. Couple number two, come join us!
rlm@2 33
rlm@2 34 *Sakura and Tomoyo come out and sit down, amidst
rlm@2 35 cheers from the yuri fangirls and boys and screams of
rlm@2 36 horror from the Sakura/Syaoran fans. Tomoyo pulls out
rlm@2 37 a video camera and starts recording*
rlm@2 38
rlm@2 39 All: ^_^;;
rlm@2 40
rlm@2 41 Sakura: Tomoyo-chan... this is already being recorded
rlm@2 42 by the TV cameras...
rlm@2 43
rlm@2 44 Tomoyo: I know, but they might focus on someone other
rlm@2 45 than Sakura-chan! ^_^
rlm@2 46
rlm@2 47 Sakura: ^.^;;
rlm@2 48
rlm@2 49 Kero-chan: Right! Let's put that aside! Couple number
rlm@2 50 three, join us!
rlm@2 51
rlm@2 52 Syaoran: We are not a couple!!!
rlm@2 53
rlm@2 54 Eriol: Come on, koibito. ^_^
rlm@2 55
rlm@2 56 Syaoran: I am not your koibito! Let go of me!
rlm@2 57
rlm@2 58 *Eriol drags Syaoran to the third set of chairs and
rlm@2 59 ties Syaoran to one of them, then cheerfully sits in
rlm@2 60 the last chair*
rlm@2 61
rlm@2 62 Syaoran: Rai tei shou rai kyuu kyuu nyo ritsu ryo RAI
rlm@2 63 GEKI!! *lightning travels from his sword to the
rlm@2 64 chair, frying the ropes. Unfortunately, it also fries
rlm@2 65 Syaoran. Eriol takes the opportunity to re-tie him.*
rlm@2 66
rlm@2 67 Eriol: If you don't wake up, we can't win the contest
rlm@2 68 for the most loving newlyweds! ^_^
rlm@2 69
rlm@2 70 Syaoran: We're not married!!
rlm@2 71
rlm@2 72 Eriol: Of course we are, anata! ^_^
rlm@2 73
rlm@2 74 Syaoran: We're not, we're not!!
rlm@2 75
rlm@2 76 Eriol: Not even for the grand prize? ^_^
rlm@2 77
rlm@2 78 Syaoran: NO!!
rlm@2 79
rlm@2 80 Sakura: Ne, Kero-chan, what is the grand prize?
rlm@2 81
rlm@2 82 Kero-chan: An all-expense paid trip to China!
rlm@2 83
rlm@2 84 Syaoran: *freezes* You mean... I could finally find
rlm@2 85 the Spring of Drowned Boy and end this terrible
rlm@2 86 curse?!
rlm@2 87
rlm@2 88 All: O_o;;;;
rlm@2 89
rlm@2 90 Syaoran: Never mind... >_> <_<
rlm@2 91
rlm@2 92 Kero-chan: Err. . . right! Let's put that aside!
rlm@2 93 First question is for the men!
rlm@2 94
rlm@2 95 *silence*
rlm@2 96
rlm@2 97 Kero-chan: *pause* Hmm. . . I guess that's a bit of a
rlm@2 98 problem, isn't it? Okay! People on the left are the
rlm@2 99 wives!
rlm@2 100
rlm@2 101 Eriol: I guess that's you, itoshii. ^_^
rlm@2 102
rlm@2 103 Syaoran: We're not married!!
rlm@2 104
rlm@2 105 Yukito: Does this mean you're going to wear a dress
rlm@2 106 for me, To-ya? ^_^
rlm@2 107
rlm@2 108 Touya: . . . . . maybe later. . . . . .
rlm@2 109
rlm@2 110 Kero-chan: . . . Okay! First question! "What is your
rlm@2 111 wife's biggest turn-on?" Couple number one, you can
rlm@2 112 start us out!
rlm@2 113
rlm@2 114 Yukito: Oh, that's easy! It's when I wear my bunny
rlm@2 115 suit! ^_^
rlm@2 116
rlm@2 117 Kero-chan: Wife number one?
rlm@2 118
rlm@2 119 *Touya holds up sign that says, "When Yuki wears his
rlm@2 120 bunny suit."*
rlm@2 121
rlm@2 122 Kero-chan: Good job! Couple number one has one point!
rlm@2 123 Couple number two?
rlm@2 124
rlm@2 125 Sakura: Umm... recording us--
rlm@2 126
rlm@2 127 Kero-chan: That's enough of an answer!! Wife number
rlm@2 128 two?
rlm@2 129
rlm@2 130 *Tomoyo holds up a sign that says, "When Sakura-chan
rlm@2 131 wears my costumes." Sakura looks crestfallen*
rlm@2 132
rlm@2 133 Kero-chan: Oh, that's too bad! But we still have lots
rlm@2 134 of questions to go, so don't lose hope yet! Couple
rlm@2 135 number three, what turns your wife on the most?
rlm@2 136
rlm@2 137 Eriol: Feathers. ^_^
rlm@2 138
rlm@2 139 Kero-chan: Wife number three?
rlm@2 140
rlm@2 141 *Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "I'm not his
rlm@2 142 wife. (feathers)"*
rlm@2 143
rlm@2 144 Kero-chan: Good job! Next question! "Which of
rlm@2 145 Sakura's battle costumes is cutest?"
rlm@2 146
rlm@2 147 Yukito: Her whats?
rlm@2 148
rlm@2 149 *Touya holds up sign: "Her whats?"*
rlm@2 150
rlm@2 151 Kero-chan: I guess that counts. . . Couple number one
rlm@2 152 has two points! Couple number two?
rlm@2 153
rlm@2 154 Sakura: All of them.
rlm@2 155
rlm@2 156 *Tomoyo holds up a sign that reads, "All of them are
rlm@2 157 cute when Sakura-chan wears them!"*
rlm@2 158
rlm@2 159 All: ^_^;;
rlm@2 160
rlm@2 161 Kero-chan: I guess couple number two has one point!
rlm@2 162 But doesn't anyone think my costumes are the cutest?
rlm@2 163 Couple number three, what's your answer?
rlm@2 164
rlm@2 165 Eriol: If I say your costumes, will we get an extra
rlm@2 166 point? ^_^
rlm@2 167
rlm@2 168 Kero-chan: Yes.
rlm@2 169
rlm@2 170 Sakura: Kero-chan, that's not fair!!
rlm@2 171
rlm@2 172 Kero-chan: Yeah, well that's why it's my show and not
rlm@2 173 yours. Couple number three?
rlm@2 174
rlm@2 175 Eriol: Kero-chan's costumes. ^_^
rlm@2 176
rlm@2 177 *Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "The rubber kitty
rlm@2 178 suit"*
rlm@2 179
rlm@2 180 Kero-chan: Well, you got it wrong but you get a point
rlm@2 181 anyways! Good job!
rlm@2 182
rlm@2 183 Eriol: *smirk* ^_^
rlm@2 184
rlm@2 185 Sakura: *scowl*
rlm@2 186
rlm@2 187 Kero-chan: Going onto question three, couple number
rlm@2 188 one has two points, couple number two has one point,
rlm@2 189 and couple number three has two points! Question
rlm@2 190 three is "I like a girl who has a sense of humor.
rlm@2 191 Tell me your favorite joke."
rlm@2 192
rlm@2 193 *silence*
rlm@2 194
rlm@2 195 Kero-chan: Oops! Wrong questions!! Hahahahaha. . .
rlm@2 196 *throws cards backstage* The real question number
rlm@2 197 three is around here somewhere. . .
rlm@2 198
rlm@2 199 *Spinel hands him a set of cards*
rlm@2 200
rlm@2 201 Kero-chan: Thanks! Okay, question number three: "I'm
rlm@2 202 a fool and I consort with goat--" HEY!! These aren't
rlm@2 203 the questions!!
rlm@2 204
rlm@2 205 Suppi: *smirk*
rlm@2 206
rlm@2 207 *Kero-chan digs around backstage and finally comes up
rlm@2 208 with some questions, hopefully the right ones*
rlm@2 209
rlm@2 210 Kero-chan: Okay! I think these are the right ones!
rlm@2 211 "If your wife was an alarm clock, how would she wake
rlm@2 212 you up?" Couple number one?
rlm@2 213
rlm@2 214 Yukito: I'm not sure that I want to say it on
rlm@2 215 television...
rlm@2 216
rlm@2 217 Kero-chan: You have to or you don't get the point.
rlm@2 218
rlm@2 219 *Yukito walks over to Kero-chan and the panel of
rlm@2 220 judges and starts whispering to them. Time passes.
rlm@2 221 More time passes. Nakuru, the backstage crew, falls
rlm@2 222 asleep*
rlm@2 223
rlm@2 224 Kero-chan: Okay, that's enough. **O_O** Wife number
rlm@2 225 one, what did you put?
rlm@2 226
rlm@2 227 *Touya hands him a thick stack of paper*
rlm@2 228
rlm@2 229 Kero-chan: What the. . . this is the Starr report!
rlm@2 230
rlm@2 231 Touya: Stapled underneath is the kama sutra.
rlm@2 232
rlm@2 233 Kero-chan: ***O_O***
rlm@2 234
rlm@2 235 Kero-chan: Ahem. Judges, will we accept those
rlm@2 236 answers?
rlm@2 237
rlm@2 238 Terada-sensei: Yeah, I guess so.
rlm@2 239
rlm@2 240 Kero-chan: What about the other judges?
rlm@2 241
rlm@2 242 *no answer. Sonomi is still taking notes and Fujitaka
rlm@2 243 has his hands over his ears*
rlm@2 244
rlm@2 245 Fujitaka: You're talking about my SON!!
rlm@2 246
rlm@2 247 Kero-chan: *sweatdrop* I guess we'll count it, then.
rlm@2 248 . . Couple number two?
rlm@2 249
rlm@2 250 Sakura: She'd let me sleep and record it.
rlm@2 251
rlm@2 252 Kero-chan: I'm afraid that's not a valid answer.
rlm@2 253
rlm@2 254 Tomoyo: But that's what I put. . . *holds up sign
rlm@2 255 that says, "Let Sakura-chan rest and record her
rlm@2 256 sleeping face"*
rlm@2 257
rlm@2 258 All: ^_^;;
rlm@2 259
rlm@2 260 Kero-chan: Judges?
rlm@2 261
rlm@2 262 *the judges confer, with Sonomi doing most of the
rlm@2 263 talking*
rlm@2 264
rlm@2 265 Terada-sensei: She's--
rlm@2 266
rlm@2 267 Sonomi: WE've.
rlm@2 268
rlm@2 269 Terada-sensei: We've decided to accept that answer.
rlm@2 270
rlm@2 271 Sonomi: Good. Couple number three?
rlm@2 272
rlm@2 273 Kero-chan: Hey, I'm supposed to say that! Couple
rlm@2 274 number three?
rlm@2 275
rlm@2 276 Eriol: If he found me sleeping he'd take the
rlm@2 277 opportunity to try and kill me. ^_^
rlm@2 278
rlm@2 279 Kero-chan: Maybe he's not as dumb as I thought. Well,
rlm@2 280 kid? How would you wake him up?
rlm@2 281
rlm@2 282 *Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "With a mallet"*
rlm@2 283
rlm@2 284 Kero-chan: We'll accept that answer because I like
rlm@2 285 it. Round two after these commercial messages!
rlm@2 286
rlm@2 287 *silence*
rlm@2 288
rlm@2 289 Kero-chan: Nakuru! Run the commercials!
rlm@2 290
rlm@2 291 Nakuru: *wakes up* Hmm?
rlm@2 292
rlm@2 293 Kero-chan: The commercials, the commercials!!
rlm@2 294
rlm@2 295 Nakuru: Oh, right!! ^_^
rlm@2 296
rlm@2 297 Kero-chan: -_-;;
rlm@2 298
rlm@2 299 *fade to commercial*
rlm@2 300
rlm@2 301 <eyecatch>
rlm@2 302
rlm@2 303 ********************
rlm@2 304
rlm@2 305 Kaho: Hello. Have you been feeling down? Like you
rlm@2 306 don't know where your life is going?
rlm@2 307
rlm@2 308 Yamazaki: *dramatically* How did you know?!
rlm@2 309
rlm@2 310 Kaho: I know everything. Which is why you should call
rlm@2 311 Kaho's Psychic Hotline. We'll tell you your destiny
rlm@2 312 in convoluted half-truths that you'll later convince
rlm@2 313 yourself were useful predictions and not a waste of
rlm@2 314 399 yen a minute.
rlm@2 315
rlm@2 316 Yue: Kaho told me that my destiny would soon come to
rlm@2 317 an impasse. I realize now that she was talking about
rlm@2 318 Yukito getting mad when I got with Touya.
rlm@2 319
rlm@2 320 Ruby Moon: Kaho told me that the inner battle between
rlm@2 321 the ying and yang of masculinity and femininity
rlm@2 322 causes an imbalance in the psyche. Boy, was she
rlm@2 323 right!
rlm@2 324
rlm@2 325 Kaho: So call today, and spend hours trying to puzzle
rlm@2 326 out your destiny!
rlm@2 327
rlm@2 328 1-800-ASK-KAHO
rlm@2 329
rlm@2 330 Yamazaki: *even more dramatically* How DOES she DO
rlm@2 331 it?!
rlm@2 332
rlm@2 333 ********************
rlm@2 334
rlm@2 335 *a blond girl in jeans and a t-shirt with "YnM"
rlm@2 336 emblazoned across the chest comes out. Needless to
rlm@2 337 say, it's YnM in her one and probably only
rlm@2 338 self-insertation ever.*
rlm@2 339
rlm@2 340 YnM: Hello, everyone. I just wanted to say support me
rlm@2 341 in my hostile takeover of the universe. YnM for
rlm@2 342 empress. Yay.
rlm@2 343
rlm@2 344 *walks off*
rlm@2 345
rlm@2 346 Tamahome: I support her!
rlm@2 347
rlm@2 348 Duo: That's because she paid you, dude.
rlm@2 349
rlm@2 350 *fade out*
rlm@2 351
rlm@2 352 <eyecatch>
rlm@2 353
rlm@2 354 Kero-chan: Konyanyachiwa!! Have you been brushing
rlm@2 355 your teeth? Good! If you haven't your parents might
rlm@2 356 not let you keep watching the hit new show,
rlm@2 357 Kero-chan's Newlywed Game! We're back with out three
rlm@2 358 couples! Now it's time for the wives to answer the
rlm@2 359 questions. Our first question is, "What is the
rlm@2 360 strangest place you have ever--" *turns red* Who
rlm@2 361 worded this?
rlm@2 362
rlm@2 363 *Nakuru waves*
rlm@2 364
rlm@2 365 Kero-chan: -_-;; "What is the strangest place you
rlm@2 366 have ever *mumbles*
rlm@2 367
rlm@2 368 Sakura: I didn't even know that was a term for it...
rlm@2 369
rlm@2 370 Tomoyo: I did.
rlm@2 371
rlm@2 372 All: ^_^;;
rlm@2 373
rlm@2 374 Kero-chan: o_o; Husband number one, what do you think
rlm@2 375 wife number one put?
rlm@2 376
rlm@2 377 Touya: *thinks* In King Penguin?
rlm@2 378
rlm@2 379 Kero-chan: >_< Now that that image is in our heads,
rlm@2 380 what did wife number one put?
rlm@2 381
rlm@2 382 *Yukito holds up a sign that says, "In the meat
rlm@2 383 freezer at the supermarket." Everyone who had meat in
rlm@2 384 the previous month starts gagging*
rlm@2 385
rlm@2 386 Yukito: I thought we weren't going to tell anyone
rlm@2 387 about King Penguin, To-ya...
rlm@2 388
rlm@2 389 Touya: We weren't going to tell anyone about the
rlm@2 390 freezer thing either.
rlm@2 391
rlm@2 392 Yukito: Oops... but at least neither of us mentioned
rlm@2 393 the--
rlm@2 394
rlm@2 395 2 *Touya claps a hand over his mouth. Yukito bites him* 6
rlm@2 396
rlm@2 397 Touya: Ow! Don't do that!
rlm@2 398
rlm@2 399 Yukito: You started it...
rlm@2 400
rlm@2 401 Touya: I want you to touch me gently...
rlm@2 402
rlm@2 403 Yukito: Later, when we're alone.
rlm@2 404
rlm@2 405 *rose petals blow across the stage*
rlm@2 406
rlm@2 407 All: o_O;;
rlm@2 408
rlm@2 409 Kero-chan: Moving onto couple number two... as
rlm@2 410 quickly as possible...
rlm@2 411
rlm@2 412 Tomoyo: Hoeeeee...
rlm@2 413
rlm@2 414 Kero-chan: What?
rlm@2 415
rlm@2 416 Tomoyo: That's what Sakura-chan put.
rlm@2 417
rlm@2 418 *Sakura holds up a sign that simply says, "HOEEEEE!"
rlm@2 419 and has a drawing of a furiously blushing Sakura*
rlm@2 420
rlm@2 421 Kero-chan: Judges, will we accept that answer?
rlm@2 422
rlm@2 423 *Sonomi and Terada-sensei confer. Fujitaka's still
rlm@2 424 covering his ears*
rlm@2 425
rlm@2 426 Terada-sensei: She says we should.
rlm@2 427
rlm@2 428 Kero-chan: Next time I want unbiased judges...
rlm@2 429
rlm@2 430 Sonomi: I'm not biased.
rlm@2 431
rlm@2 432 Kero-chan: Err... of course not. Let's put that
rlm@2 433 aside. Couple number three, dare I ask?
rlm@2 434
rlm@2 435 Syaoran: *slightly green* We NEVER [censored]!!!
rlm@2 436
rlm@2 437 Nakuru: Wow, even I didn't know that was a term for
rlm@2 438 it.
rlm@2 439
rlm@2 440 Tomoyo: I did.
rlm@2 441
rlm@2 442 All: o_o;
rlm@2 443
rlm@2 444 *Eriol holds up his "He'll deny our many nights of
rlm@2 445 passion. ^_^" sign*
rlm@2 446
rlm@2 447 Sakura: Eriol-kun, you're really good! I bet you make
rlm@2 448 your wife very happy!
rlm@2 449
rlm@2 450 Syaoran: I'm not his wife!!
rlm@2 451
rlm@2 452 Kero-chan: -_-;; Let's move on to the next question,
rlm@2 453 shall we? This one's multiple choice, so we don't
rlm@2 454 have to worry about inappropriate answers. "How would
rlm@2 455 you describe your honeymoon: Relaxing, Exciting, or
rlm@2 456 Boring?"
rlm@2 457
rlm@2 458 Audience: Ooooooooo...
rlm@2 459
rlm@2 460 Kero-chan: Couple number one, start us off.
rlm@2 461
rlm@2 462 Touya: Relaxing.
rlm@2 463
rlm@2 464 *Yukito's sign: "Relaxing. Very"*
rlm@2 465
rlm@2 466 Kero-chan: *breaths a sigh of relief* Thanks for not
rlm@2 467 elaborat--
rlm@2 468
rlm@2 469 Yukito: After all, we didn't leave bed all week...
rlm@2 470
rlm@2 471 Kero-chan: Too much information!
rlm@2 472
rlm@2 473 Touya: We realized the dangers of the hot tub pretty
rlm@2 474 quickly...
rlm@2 475
rlm@2 476 Kero-chan: *attempts to cover ears* Ack!
rlm@2 477
rlm@2 478 *Touya and Yukito shrug*
rlm@2 479
rlm@2 480 Kero-chan: Next! Next!
rlm@2 481
rlm@2 482 Tomoyo: Exciting.
rlm@2 483
rlm@2 484 *Sakura holds up a sign with "Exciting" written in
rlm@2 485 big letters*
rlm@2 486
rlm@2 487 Kero-chan: Moving on before you try and explain your
rlm@2 488 answer...
rlm@2 489
rlm@2 490 Sakura: *blushes* It's not like THAT! We traveled
rlm@2 491 around and ate lots of oishii cakes and things.
rlm@2 492
rlm@2 493 Kero-chan: Ack! Too much-- *pause* I guess that's
rlm@2 494 okay... *pause again* Without me?! ;_;
rlm@2 495
rlm@2 496 Sakura: We weren't going to tell you about it...
rlm@2 497
rlm@2 498 Kero-chan: Couple number three! Please end this
rlm@2 499 question!
rlm@2 500
rlm@2 501 Syaoran: We had no honeymoon because WE'RE NOT
rlm@2 502 MARRIED!!!!
rlm@2 503
rlm@2 504 Eriol holds up his sign, which says, "He'll deny the
rlm@2 505 very existence of our honeymoon, including the nights
rlm@2 506 of endless pleasure we spent, sweaty bodies
rlm@2 507 intertwined--" and brakes off where he ran out of
rlm@2 508 room to write*
rlm@2 509
rlm@2 510 *Syaoran turns bright green and rushes for the
rlm@2 511 bathroom. After having lost the better part of his
rlm@2 512 lunch, he returns and sits back down*
rlm@2 513
rlm@2 514 Sakura: Syaoran-kun, why didn't you take that
rlm@2 515 opportunity to escape?
rlm@2 516
rlm@2 517 Syaoran: O_O! <--- didn't think of it
rlm@2 518
rlm@2 519 *Eriol, by this time, has re-tied him*
rlm@2 520
rlm@2 521 Syaoran: >:/
rlm@2 522
rlm@2 523 Eriol: There, there, muffin. They know you just don't
rlm@2 524 want to leave my side.
rlm@2 525
rlm@2 526 Sakura: Yeah, that'd be a good reason.
rlm@2 527
rlm@2 528 Syaoran: But... but...
rlm@2 529
rlm@2 530 Eriol: Why else would I risk untiing him so he could
rlm@2 531 deal with his morning sickness?
rlm@2 532
rlm@2 533 Syaoran: Wha...?
rlm@2 534
rlm@2 535 Tomoyo: *claps hands* Syaoran-kun will make a
rlm@2 536 wonderful mother!
rlm@2 537
rlm@2 538 Syaoran: I'M NOT PREGNANT!!
rlm@2 539
rlm@2 540 Eriol: If it's a boy we'll name him Clow.
rlm@2 541
rlm@2 542 Syaoran: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! *passes
rlm@2 543 out*
rlm@2 544
rlm@2 545 Eriol: *pats his hand* There, there, love. *to
rlm@2 546 others* His constitution is a bit frail. Please, feel
rlm@2 547 free to move onto the next question.
rlm@2 548
rlm@2 549 Kero-chan: Thanks. Final question: *pause* *shudder*
rlm@2 550 "What bedroom fantasy have you acted out that should
rlm@2 551 have remained a fantasy?" ...couple number one,
rlm@2 552 please answer as briefly and undescriptively as
rlm@2 553 possible.
rlm@2 554
rlm@2 555 Touya: Well, there was this one time when Yuki wanted
rlm@2 556 to try it while skydiving-- wait, I want to change my
rlm@2 557 answer. When we tried it underwater. He almost
rlm@2 558 drowned and there were all these fish staring at
rlm@2 559 us...
rlm@2 560
rlm@2 561 Kero-chan: *begins twitching* No more... no more...
rlm@2 562
rlm@2 563 Yukito: They're your questions. *holds up sign that
rlm@2 564 says simply, "Star Wars"*
rlm@2 565
rlm@2 566 Touya: That wasn't THAT bad, was it?
rlm@2 567
rlm@2 568 Yukito: Oh, it was FINE for you. YOU didn't have to
rlm@2 569 be Leia.
rlm@2 570
rlm@2 571 Touya: Gomen ne, Yuki. I didn't know. *clasps
rlm@2 572 Yukito's hand*
rlm@2 573
rlm@2 574 Yukito: *big dewey eyes* To-ya...
rlm@2 575
rlm@2 576 *they start necking*
rlm@2 577
rlm@2 578 Audience: Wooooooooooooooooooo!!
rlm@2 579
rlm@2 580 Kero-chan: Not on the air! Not on the air! This is
rlm@2 581 network television!! Couple number two, at least get
rlm@2 582 the cameras off them!
rlm@2 583
rlm@2 584 Tomoyo: Well, one time we used the Clow Cards to--
rlm@2 585
rlm@2 586 Kero-chan: I think that's enough of an answer.
rlm@2 587 Sakura?
rlm@2 588
rlm@2 589 *Sakura holds up a sign that says "Clow Cards" on it*
rlm@2 590
rlm@2 591 Kero-chan: Good job, couple number two. That puts you
rlm@2 592 up to five points. Couple number one has four points,
rlm@2 593 and couple number three has five or six points,
rlm@2 594 depending on whether or not they get this one right.
rlm@2 595 Couple number three?
rlm@2 596
rlm@2 597 Syaoran: *slowly regaining consciousness* Bedroom
rlm@2 598 fantasies my @$$!!
rlm@2 599
rlm@2 600 Eriol: Careful, darling. They say babies can hear
rlm@2 601 what you say even before they're born. We don't want
rlm@2 602 our bundle of joy to grow up with a potty mouth. ^_^
rlm@2 603
rlm@2 604 Syaoran: WHAT bundle of joy?!
rlm@2 605
rlm@2 606 Kero-chan: Hey, husband number three! Sign!
rlm@2 607
rlm@2 608 *Eriol holds up his sign, which quoth, "He'll be too
rlm@2 609 embarrassed about how he looked as a meter maid even
rlm@2 610 to mention it. ^_^"*
rlm@2 611
rlm@2 612 Kero-chan: Judges?
rlm@2 613
rlm@2 614 Fujitaka: I get to decide since I listened to this
rlm@2 615 one!
rlm@2 616
rlm@2 617 *the other judges shrug*
rlm@2 618
rlm@2 619 Fujitaka: Okay... it counts.
rlm@2 620
rlm@2 621 *silence*
rlm@2 622
rlm@2 623 Fujitaka: I don't get applause?
rlm@2 624
rlm@2 625 All: -_-;;
rlm@2 626
rlm@2 627 Kero-chan: Now, since that's resolved... Going into
rlm@2 628 the bonus round, couple three is in the lead,
rlm@2 629 followed by couple two and couple one. The bonus
rlm@2 630 question is worth five points, so any of our
rlm@2 631 contestants could win. The bonus question is: "If
rlm@2 632 your husband had to sum up your sex drive in one
rlm@2 633 word, it would be [blank]" *pause* Oh, I can't WAIT
rlm@2 634 to hear these answers. *wince*
rlm@2 635
rlm@2 636 Touya: Slow.
rlm@2 637
rlm@2 638 Kero-chan: You expect me to believe that after what
rlm@2 639 I've heard today?
rlm@2 640
rlm@2 641 Touya: Well, compared to his...
rlm@2 642
rlm@2 643 *Yukito holds up a sign that says, "Well, it is kind
rlm@2 644 of slow...", which isn't really one word. Did
rlm@2 645 everyone catch that? Good! The judges didn't, and
rlm@2 646 they got a point anyways*
rlm@2 647
rlm@2 648 Kero-chan: Couple number one is now in the lead with
rlm@2 649 9 points, though that's not conclusive in the least,
rlm@2 650 since no one else has answered the bonus question.
rlm@2 651 Couple number two, your move.
rlm@2 652
rlm@2 653 Tomoyo: Creative!
rlm@2 654
rlm@2 655 *Sakura holds up her sign: "Kinky"*
rlm@2 656
rlm@2 657 Kero-chan: Judges?
rlm@2 658
rlm@2 659 *brief but amusing judge conference, which includes
rlm@2 660 Sonomi jumping on the table and demanding justice*
rlm@2 661
rlm@2 662 Kero-chan: Have you reached a decision?
rlm@2 663
rlm@2 664 Terada-sensei: We'll accept it. *cowers under
rlm@2 665 Sonomi's glare*
rlm@2 666
rlm@2 667 Kero-chan: Okay! Couple number two is now in first
rlm@2 668 place! Couple number three, final question, final
rlm@2 669 answer. How would your husband sum up your sex drive?
rlm@2 670
rlm@2 671 Syaoran: When it comes to him, non-existent.
rlm@2 672
rlm@2 673 *Eriol holds up his sign: "Since he's embarrassed
rlm@2 674 about the fact that he likes to [censored] like
rlm@2 675 bunnies...*
rlm@2 676
rlm@2 677 Nakuru: Oooh, more new vocabulary! *writes down*
rlm@2 678
rlm@2 679 Yukito: Is that a personal remark?
rlm@2 680
rlm@2 681 *"...he'll pretend that he's as innocent as a
rlm@2 682 schoolgirl"*
rlm@2 683
rlm@2 684 *Everyone looks at Terada-sensei*
rlm@2 685
rlm@2 686 Terada-sensei: *o_o* Schoolgirl! Right! Innocent!
rlm@2 687 *cough cough* That's what he said, all right! That
rlm@2 688 answer counts! Moving on, moving on!!
rlm@2 689
rlm@2 690 Kero-chan: Then, I guess couple number three wins.
rlm@2 691 Congratulations, kid, you're going to a fabulous
rlm@2 692 second honeymoon in China!
rlm@2 693
rlm@2 694 Syaoran: But I LIVE in China! How is that a vacation?
rlm@2 695
rlm@2 696 Announcer (Yamazaki-kun): You've won an all-expense
rlm@2 697 paid trip to the beauuuuuutiful land of China, where
rlm@2 698 you'll enjoy--
rlm@2 699
rlm@2 700 Syaoran: Who says I'll enjoy it?!
rlm@2 701
rlm@2 702 Yamazaki-kun: The announcement.
rlm@2 703
rlm@2 704 Syaoran: Why should I believe it?
rlm@2 705
rlm@2 706 Yamazaki-kun: Because it was written by Kaho's
rlm@2 707 Psychic Hotline.
rlm@2 708
rlm@2 709 Syaoran: Really?
rlm@2 710
rlm@2 711 Yamazaki-kun: Of course! Would I lie to you?
rlm@2 712
rlm@2 713 Syaoran: Then. . . I guess. . . I should go? *looks
rlm@2 714 disgusted*
rlm@2 715
rlm@2 716 Yamazaki-kun: Of course! Kaho's Psychic Hotline is
rlm@2 717 never wrong! You know, psychic hotlines were first
rlm@2 718 invented in ancient Greece, when too many people
rlm@2 719 wanted to use the Oracle.
rlm@2 720
rlm@2 721 Syaoran: Really?
rlm@2 722
rlm@2 723 Chiharu-chan: *twitch twitch* Hey. . .
rlm@2 724
rlm@2 725 Yamazaki-kun: Time to go! *runs away, followed
rlm@2 726 closely by Chiharu-chan*
rlm@2 727
rlm@2 728 Chiharu-chan: Get back here, you!...
rlm@2 729
rlm@2 730 Syaoran: I don't know about this...
rlm@2 731
rlm@2 732 Eriol: Come on, dear. The vacation will relive
rlm@2 733 stress, and everyone knows future mothers should
rlm@2 734 avoid stress.
rlm@2 735
rlm@2 736 Syaoran: *grumbles*
rlm@2 737
rlm@2 738 *Eriol drags him offstage to go catch their plane.
rlm@2 739 Touya and Yukito are still sucking face. Nakuru
rlm@2 740 throws a blanket over them. Tomoyo is videotaping
rlm@2 741 Sakura*
rlm@2 742
rlm@2 743 Tomoyo: Your sad face is kawaii too!
rlm@2 744
rlm@2 745 Sakura: ^.^;;
rlm@2 746
rlm@2 747 Kero-chan: Well, it seems we ended a little earlier
rlm@2 748 than expected. But that's okay, because--
rlm@2 749
rlm@2 750 Meiling: I'll be singing for you! Everyone agrees
rlm@2 751 that I have the best singing voice!
rlm@2 752
rlm@2 753 Kero-chan: That wasn't quite--
rlm@2 754
rlm@2 755 Meiling: *sings* ~David Duchovny, why won't you love
rlm@2 756 me~
rlm@2 757
rlm@2 758 Kero-chan: Just roll next week's previews.
rlm@2 759
rlm@2 760 ~~Next time on Kero-chan's Newlywed Game~~
rlm@2 761
rlm@2 762 Kero-chan: "If you didn't exist and your wife had to
rlm@2 763 choose one of these people to marry, who would they
rlm@2 764 choose?"
rlm@2 765
rlm@2 766 *Dr. J and Relena walk out*
rlm@2 767
rlm@2 768 Duo: *looks nauseated* I think he'd choose Relena...
rlm@2 769
rlm@2 770 Heero: That's the purpose of the self-destruct
rlm@2 771 system.
rlm@2 772
rlm@2 773 ~~end clip~~
rlm@2 774
rlm@2 775 Meiling: ~I hold it in as best I can / I know I'm
rlm@2 776 just another fan~
rlm@2 777
rlm@2 778 Kero-chan: See you next week, everyone! Honana!
rlm@2 779
rlm@2 780 Meiling: ~And I can't wait anymore for him to
rlm@2 781 discover me / I've got it bad for David Duchovny!...~
rlm@2 782
rlm@2 783 *fade out*