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1 WARNING: Yes, a fic with a warning. This isn't your run of the mill episode here. This
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2 one will be slightly, if not very depressing. The email address is the same,
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3 Saturn_Knight@hotmail.com for those of you who wish to email me, but don't send me
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4 hate mail, because it'll be deleted.
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5 ***************
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6
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7 "Where did we come from? Why are we here?
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8 Where do we go when we die?
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9 What lies beyond? And what laid before?
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10 Is anything certain in life?
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11 They say 'life is too short,' 'the here and the now,'
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12 And 'you're only given one shot.'
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13 But could there be more? Have I lived before?
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14 Or could this be all that we've got?
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15 '…Move on be brave! Don't weep at my grave!
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16 Because I am no longer here.
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17 But please never let your memory of me
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18 Disappear…'"
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19 Dream Theater: "The Spirit Carries On."
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20
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21 "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of one of
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22 God's children." The day was overcast, gray and simply miserable. The angry sky
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23 rumbled with fury as the small group crowded around an open grave, in direct defiance of
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24 the chill. The figures, huddled around site, stood in somber, detached silence as the priest
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25 continued to speak. " 'The lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…' We commit thee,
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26 Hotaru Tomoe back to God's earth, though the body is only a vessel, and you, such a
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27 lovely child, are in the hands of God once more. 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,' so it has
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28 always been and it always will be" He stepped forward, dropping a single rose on the lid
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29 of the coffin, and motioned for the others to do so as well. The senshi approached one by
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30 one, standing before the simple stone that marked her final resting place; an angel with its
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31 wings wrapped around a small child, and murmured their final goodbyes to the lacquered
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32 coffin lid.
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33 "We'll miss you, Hotaru…" Ami said as she crouched down and released the
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34 rose, allowing it to fall above the priest's.
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35 "I'm sorry I never got to know you better," Minako sighed, she too allowing the
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36 brilliant red rose to drop into the grave.
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37 "It won't be the same without you, Hotaru…" Usagi stood by the edge of the six-
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38 foot deep, rectangular hole; Chibi was by her side. Both of them relinquished their roses
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39 at the same time, Usagi turned to let Chibi stand a moment longer.
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40 "I'll miss you, Hotaru…you were my best friend. I never met anyone like you,
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41 and I know I never will. You…" she paused, shaking her head and trying to swallow the
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42 lump that creeped into her throat. "You can never be replaced…" Her eyes closed, tears
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43 finding the way down her cheeks, only to fall, unheeded, onto the lid of the coffin.
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44 'Why?' Chibi thought to herself. 'WHY!? It's not fair! She didn't do anything!
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45 She wasn't a bad person anymore! It wasn't her fault before! SHE CHANGED!! DO
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46 YOU HEAR ME?! SHE CHANGED!!!' She began to shake with anger, her small hands
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47 curling into fists as she glared at the carving of an angel that watched over a nearby
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48 grave. 'Why did you take her?! WHY!? All her power- all our power and we couldn't do
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49 anything to help her! What good are we if we can't even protect each other!? How are we
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50 supposed to protect the world? This is ridiculous…' Chibi was beginning falter, shaking
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51 hard enough now that the other Senshi noticed, and Usagi slowly approached her.
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52 "Come on…the other's need to say goodbye to her too. We all miss her," Usagi
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53 too was crying, though not as uncontrollably as Chibi. The child didn't move, as much a
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54 statue as the stone monuments that stood silent vigil over the dead. Slowly, red, swollen
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55 eyes met Usagi's and Chibi opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't for a moment.
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56 "Shh…" Usagi's finger moved over her daughter's lips, signaling her not to talk. She had
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57 never seen her like this before, so angry, so…frightening.
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58 "WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!???" her piercing wail
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59 echoed, rebounding off the tombstones, making the sound redirect to the people who
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60 stood between them. Soon it sounded like the angels themselves were screaming in
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61 agony.
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62
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63 The ride back to home was quiet, uneventful. 'I'm glad she's at least quiet now,'
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64 Usagi thought to herself, looking over at the sleeping child that rested in her lap. 'I
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65 thought we were going to be kicked off the plane on the way back here. She was glad the
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66 people were sympathetic, even if annoyed and distressed at the hysterically crying child
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67 who only ceased her sobbing after she fell asleep.
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68 "I didn't know she'd take it this hard." Ami whispered to Usagi who only sighed
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69 and nodded, though both of the older senshi's eyes were puffy from tears, they had
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70 nothing on the pink haired girl. "It's so sad…I never knew she cared about Hotaru this
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71 much… they were very good friends, now that I do think about it." Usagi nodded to Ami
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72 for a fraction of a second before her eyes went wide.
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73 Hearing Ami talk about Hotaru in the past tense finalized it as her being gone.
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74 Usagi winced visibly and pulled her daughter tighter into her body, suddenly wanting to
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75 be comforted, though Chibi didn't awaken. "Ami…god, why did you say that?" Usagi
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76 narrowed her eyes at Ami even though she knew that she wasn't angry at her, hissing
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77 through her clenched teeth, "Why?"
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78 "I…I'm sorry Usagi, but all I said was that Hotaru and Chibi were-" she cut off,
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79 suddenly realizing just what she had said and her hand covered her mouth. She didn't
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80 need to say anymore. She didn't have to.
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81 They spent the rest of the long ride from the cemetery listening only to the rain
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82 patter down, and Chibi's steady breathing as she slept. 'You must be exhausted,' Usagi
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83 thought as she brushed aside some of the girl's hair. 'I've never seen you cry like that,
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84 and this much before…let alone scream that loudly. You must really care about her,
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85 huh?' She refused to talk about Hotaru in the past tense, it tore her too much to even
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86 begin to. 'She's lucky to have a friend like you…'
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87 "Usagi….Usagi? We're home now," Usagi looked up quickly, realizing they were
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88 now at Makoto's house, where they would be staying to keep each other company. "Do
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89 you need a hand with her?" Ami gestured to Chibi, she was the only one who didn't head
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90 quickly inside, not because of the angel's tears that streamed from the heavens, soaking
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91 the world beneath, but because they were too numb to know any better. Only Ami's hard
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92 wired sense of responsibility and courtesy remained.
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93 "Huh? Oh, no, I've got her…" Usagi placed both legs out onto the ground, before
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94 standing; the cold, but comforting rain began to trace over her face. "Let's get inside."
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95 The door to the car was closed by Ami, as Usagi needed both hands to carry her daughter,
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96 who was too out of it to even place her arms around her mother's neck. 'God, she's such
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97 a dead weight…'
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98 A stabbing pain in Usagi's head brought to her a sudden halt. She leaned her back
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99 against a soaked pillar, to keep herself upright. Her mind forced the replay of the scene at
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100 the funeral, where they stood gathered around Hotaru's grave. Only this time, she was
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101 watching herself, and the others, in third person. Watching herself stand crying, Usagi
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102 felt a direct chill, slithering down her spine before turning to the stone on the ground. It
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103 was blank. The angel carved onto the gray stone suddenly turned its eyes and head to face
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104 Usagi who gasped in fright. It began to mouth silent words to her, though she couldn't
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105 make them out. 'I…I don't understand!' She thought trying harder to read the lips of the
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106 angel.
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107 "Love is stronger than death… Love is stronger than life… Don't let her grief
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108 over come her… Love her…" Hotaru's hushed voice clearly sounded, whispering though
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109 Usagi's ear, causing her to jump, and look around frantically, but the only thing she saw
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110 now was Ami, who had her hand on Usagi's shoulder.
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111 "Usagi! Are you ok? Get inside before your d-- catch a cold." She began to lead
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112 her inside, oblivious to Hotaru's warning that carried itself on the fridged air.
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113
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114 Seisen floated through the swirling darkness, unaware of the creature that was
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115 stalking him through the endless depths of the portal.. Unbeknownst to him, he was
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116 floating back to the astral plane, by nothing more than dumb luck, but the monster
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117 trailing him intended to stop this. It's tendril flared quickly at the youth, intending to
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118 entangle him and draw him closer to itself to pull him from the sanctuary of the darkness.
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119 However, at that moment, Seisen's eyes opened to see the imminent collision, but
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120 managed to turn his body vertically so the tendril would only slam into his chest, not grip
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121 him like the creature wanted. The impact of the blow sent the youth spinning head over
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122 heels out of the portal and onto the ground of the astral realm, leaving the furious cry of
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123 the creature to echo in his ears, just as his hand closed around the Silence Glaive. It began
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124 to shimmer in response to his touch, but soon darkness was all he saw.
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125 Waking in the still, flame lit darkness, Seisen sat up. His body was healed, he was
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126 whole again…he glanced to the glaive by his side, which just shined knowingly. "Thank
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127 you, Hotaru…" he mumbled under his breath before a single tear streamed down his face,
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128 he could feel in his heart that the girl was dead, which meant he had very little time. He
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129 stood up, grabbing the glaive in his hands, and began to run quickly down the path to the
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130 afterlife.
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131
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132 Makoto's house was deathly silent, the senshi sitting around the living room
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133 staring at the rug in the middle of the floor. Nothing stirred the quiet, besides the sound of
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134 the girls' breathing. A breeze floated on the thick air, chilling Usagi down to her bones,
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135 though none of the senshi seemed to notice the sudden icy whisper that ran it's fingers
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136 through Usagi's hair. "Remember…" Hotaru's hushed voice murmured to the girl,
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137 "Remember…."
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138 "Remember what?" she said aloud, causing the rest of the inners to look at her, as
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139 the others chose to heal in their own way. Four sets of red eyes looked to Usagi, though
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140 no one spoke to her.
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141 Assuming she was just thinking aloud they dismissed it and went back to looking
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142 at their own feet. Chibi stirred in Usagi's lap, sitting up and glancing to her mother, "Did
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143 you hear her too?"
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144 Seisen stood at the foot of the bed, having successfully managed to prevent
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145 Hotaru's passage into the afterlife by mere moments. He sighed, sitting down on the
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146 chair, exhausted. "If I had been a second later, you would have gone…I'm glad I know
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147 my way around the plane," he spoke to her, though she was asleep, just to break the
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148 uneasy silence.
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149 "You see, when you die your spirit returns here, to the astral plane. You are here
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150 physically, like I told you before, since your spirit makes you whole here." Seisen knew
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151 he was only talking to himself, but it was that or listen to the burning of the torches. "I
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152 found you before you wandered your way into the afterlife…some people find their way
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153 back to the realm of the living, which is why they are ghosts because they have no body
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154 and don't want to be completely dead. So, I stopped your spirit from entering and losing
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155 you forever…now all we have to do is find a new body for you, or have you reborn…
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156 that's going to be hell, let me tell you…we'll worry about that later, just relax…"
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157
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158 Chibi sat in the tub of Makoto's bathroom in the now cooling water. She had been
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159 in there for almost two hours, though she hardly noticed the time. Her skin was
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160 wrinkling, her mind was wandering and her heart was aching. She didn't want to move,
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161 she didn't want to think, she just wanted to be with Hotaru again.
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162 "Chibi…? Are you OK in there?" Usagi asked as she gently knocked on the door.
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163 The blonde was more worried about her daughter than she let on, Hotaru's words echoed
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164 still in her ears, but she didn't understand what they were meaning to tell her.
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165 "Yeah….I'm ok, I think I want to get out now." Chibi said, standing up and
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166 letting the water drip from her body as she pulled the drain plug from the bath. She
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167 watched the water swirling down the drain, but somehow in her mind she pictured
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168 crimson swirls of blood draining down the hole. Her blood. She glanced away quickly.
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169 "Ok…you have your pajamas and everything? We're going to sleep in the living
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170 room, on the sofa…Minako, and Rei will be sleeping in Makoto's room, so we're sharing
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171 with Ami." Usagi leaned her body against the door, her fingertips tracing the pattern of
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172 the wood grain as she waited for Chibi to answer her.
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173 "Yes…" was the only response Chibi gave as she began to towel off, though the
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174 edge of the fabric was caught in the drawer. She sighed as she pulled it open and removed
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175 the towel piece, and just as she was about to close the drawer, a small black object caught
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176 her eye. Reaching in, she removed the black cylinder, which upon further inspection
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177 revealed itself to be a box cutter; the razor still protruding from the top.
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178 Chibi's mind flashed once more to the vision of her blood flowing down the
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179 bathtub drain as she looked over the glint of the steel's edge. "Hotaru…" she said softly,
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180 numbly running her finger over the blade, not so much as wincing as it tore easily
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181 through her skin. "I'll see you soon…" she shoved the blade into the pocket of her
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182 pajama pants and continued to dry herself off.
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183
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184 It was almost 1:00 AM before Usagi finally fell asleep. Ami had been resting for
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185 almost an hour before hand, though Chibi was still awake listening to the thunder rolling
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186 in the distance. The child had been sitting in silence the entire night, weighing the pros
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187 and the cons of the razor in her hand, and though terribly frightened she had chosen to
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188 indeed go through with it.
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189 The chill in the air was undeniable as the child walked her final, self imposed mile
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190 down the dark, lonely hall towards the bathroom; she wanted to do it in the bathtub,
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191 where she wouldn't make a mess for Makoto. Flipping on the light switch, Chibi was
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192 instantly blinded by the fluorescent daggers that sought out her dilated pupils and paused
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193 a moment to let her eyes adjust to the brightness.
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194 "I'll be with you soon, Hotaru…" she whispered to herself as she closed the door
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195 behind her and made very sure it was locked before she took a look at herself in the
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196 mirror. Red, tired eyes stared back at her, alabaster skin stained with the tears that have
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197 since run dry. The child sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and stepping
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198 over to the tub and sitting herself in it. It was cold. She shivered lightly in the tub, though
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199 she chilled even more when she rolled up her left sleeve, since it was closer to the heart
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200 she figured that it would bleed faster. "I'm sorry mom…everyone," she whispered to
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201 herself as she extended the end of the blade to full length.
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202 As she placed the razor's edge to her skin, she hesitated a moment. It would hurt,
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203 she knew very well, but it was better a moment of physical pain than a lifetime of agony.
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204 "I'm sorry…" the girl whispered again before pressing down on the handle of the box
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205 cutter and driving it as deep as it will go into her soft skin.
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206 White hot pain seared her body as the deep, crimson liquid began to pour from the
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207 small wound on her wrist…it would take too long. Gathering her courage, she roughly
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208 pulled the blade up her arm, moving toward her elbow rather than horizontally across her
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209 wrist, as it would slice the entire vein rather than just a portion of it. With every
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210 centimeter of her skin that tore, it allowed more blood to freely drop into the tub, the tiny
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211 globules soon becoming thick, morbid river that washed her life down the drain.
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212 Unable to take any more pain, Chibi dropped the box cutter with a loud clatter
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213 against the tile floor, sending a few droplets spraying across the white tile.
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214 The sound transmitted easily through the thin walls of Makoto's house, causing a
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215 few of the senshi to awaken. Sitting up in the darkness, Ami rubbed her eyes and
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216 stretched; the clock read almost 1:15 in the morning. "Who is up at such an hour?" she
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217 whispered to herself, though as she stood she realized that Chibi Usa was missing.
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218 "Leave it to her to wake the house…just like her mother." Ami said aloud, pausing to
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219 look over the sleeping Usagi, "That isn't necessarily a bad thing though…" Shaking
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220 herself free from the stare she had placed on the senshi of the moon, Ami began to head
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221 in the direction of the noise.
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222 Ami stepped quietly through the house, and when she reached the bathroom door,
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223 she knocked softly on it, "Is everything ok? I heard a loud noise…" This startled Chibi,
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224 who turned to look at the door a moment, but the room began to spin.
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225 She didn't care anymore, she could hardly focus on anything; not what she was
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226 leaving behind, only what she was going to. Her vision continuing to blur, the child
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227 forced her eyes open a last time, and in her disorientation saw her best friend leaning over
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228 her.
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229 Hotaru's violet eyes were of great comfort to the dying girl, and as she felt a hand
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230 running through her hair, she knew everything was going to be over soon, and she
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231 wouldn't have to feel anything else. "Shh….Chibi," the soldier of Saturn whispered to
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232 her, caressing her face with her pale hand, "Just a moment or two longer."
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233 Hotaru felt selfish…she felt ashamed, and dishonorable for doing this. She knew
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234 she should have stopped her friend from killing herself, but she couldn't. Hotaru wanted
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235 Chibi to be with her. She wanted to see her again, to feel her touch, to know that she
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236 wasn't alone in the darkness. Seisen was someone to talk to, yes, but it wasn't the same.
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237 Nor had the man stopped her from coming back to see Chibi, which led Hotaru to believe
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238 that this was OK with him as well.
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239 "What will happen…?" Chibi mumbled the girl who still stood over her, finding it
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240 very difficult to talk. Her body ached all over as the muscles began to seize, leaving her
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241 to sit stiffly with her friend. Hotaru didn't say anything to her, simply shook her head and
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242 leaned down, nuzzling the smaller girl's face with her own. Chibi shakily raised her
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243 bleeding hand and touched Hotaru's lips with her fingers, causing a smear of blood to run
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244 across them. "Please…" Chibi said, touching her lips again.
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245 The raven haired child nodded to her friend and tilted her face to the side. Just as
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246 her lips met Chibi's, the door unlocked seemingly of it's own will. "Chibi?" Ami called,
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247 though she wasn't heard by either of the two in the room. Hotaru wrapped her arms
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248 around her friend's body and hugged her tightly.
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249 Chibi shuddered a moment, taking a final deep breath before growing still; dying
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250 wrapped in Hotaru's arms never breaking their kiss. "Chibi, I'm coming in." Ami said
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251 again, and the door slowly opened.
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252 The sight that Ami witnessed that day would never be forgotten. Hotaru,
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253 completely restored in her beauty sitting on the ledge of the bathtub holding a bloody
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254 child in her arms. The raven haired ghost turned to look at Ami slowly, her lips smeared
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255 with blood, giving her an even more macabre appearance. "Goodbye Ami…tell my
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rlm@0
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256 parents I say the same. I'm sorry I'm so selfish…" and with that, she faded from sight as
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257 Ami began to scream as loud as she could.
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258
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rlm@0
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259 "So how does it feel, little one?"
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rlm@0
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260 "H-…how does what feel? Where am I?"
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rlm@0
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261 "How does it feel to be dead?"
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rlm@0
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262 "I'm….dead?"
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rlm@0
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263 "Yes…you and Firefly…only there's a problem…"
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rlm@0
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264 "Problem….? I don't understand."
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265 "……thou shalt not kill."
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266
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rlm@0
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267
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