rlm@0: WARNING: Yes, a fic with a warning. This isn't your run of the mill episode here. This
rlm@0: one will be slightly, if not very depressing. The email address is the same,
rlm@0: Saturn_Knight@hotmail.com for those of you who wish to email me, but don't send me
rlm@0: hate mail, because it'll be deleted.
rlm@0: ***************
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Where did we come from? Why are we here?
rlm@0: Where do we go when we die?
rlm@0: What lies beyond? And what laid before?
rlm@0: Is anything certain in life?
rlm@0: They say 'life is too short,' 'the here and the now,'
rlm@0: And 'you're only given one shot.'
rlm@0: But could there be more? Have I lived before?
rlm@0: Or could this be all that we've got?
rlm@0: '…Move on be brave! Don't weep at my grave!
rlm@0: Because I am no longer here.
rlm@0: But please never let your memory of me
rlm@0: Disappear…'"
rlm@0: Dream Theater: "The Spirit Carries On."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of one of
rlm@0: God's children." The day was overcast, gray and simply miserable. The angry sky
rlm@0: rumbled with fury as the small group crowded around an open grave, in direct defiance of
rlm@0: the chill. The figures, huddled around site, stood in somber, detached silence as the priest
rlm@0: continued to speak. " 'The lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…' We commit thee,
rlm@0: Hotaru Tomoe back to God's earth, though the body is only a vessel, and you, such a
rlm@0: lovely child, are in the hands of God once more. 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,' so it has
rlm@0: always been and it always will be" He stepped forward, dropping a single rose on the lid
rlm@0: of the coffin, and motioned for the others to do so as well. The senshi approached one by
rlm@0: one, standing before the simple stone that marked her final resting place; an angel with its
rlm@0: wings wrapped around a small child, and murmured their final goodbyes to the lacquered
rlm@0: coffin lid.
rlm@0: 	"We'll miss you, Hotaru…" Ami said as she crouched down and released the
rlm@0: rose, allowing it to fall above the priest's.
rlm@0: 	"I'm sorry I never got to know you better," Minako sighed, she too allowing the
rlm@0: brilliant red rose to drop into the grave.
rlm@0: 	"It won't be the same without you, Hotaru…" Usagi stood by the edge of the six-
rlm@0: foot deep, rectangular hole; Chibi was by her side. Both of them relinquished their roses
rlm@0: at the same time, Usagi turned to let Chibi stand a moment longer.
rlm@0: 	"I'll miss you, Hotaru…you were my best friend. I never met anyone like you,
rlm@0: and I know I never will. You…" she paused, shaking her head and trying to swallow the
rlm@0: lump that creeped into her throat. "You can never be replaced…" Her eyes closed, tears
rlm@0: finding the way down her cheeks, only to fall, unheeded, onto the lid of the coffin.
rlm@0: 'Why?' Chibi thought to herself. 'WHY!? It's not fair! She didn't do anything!
rlm@0: She wasn't a bad person anymore! It wasn't her fault before! SHE CHANGED!! DO
rlm@0: YOU HEAR ME?! SHE CHANGED!!!' She began to shake with anger, her small hands
rlm@0: curling into fists as she glared at the carving of an angel that watched over a nearby
rlm@0: grave. 'Why did you take her?! WHY!? All her power- all our power and we couldn't do
rlm@0: anything to help her! What good are we if we can't even protect each other!? How are we
rlm@0: supposed to protect the world? This is ridiculous…' Chibi was beginning falter, shaking
rlm@0: hard enough now that the other Senshi noticed, and Usagi slowly approached her.
rlm@0: "Come on…the other's need to say goodbye to her too. We all miss her," Usagi
rlm@0: too was crying, though not as uncontrollably as Chibi. The child didn't move, as much a
rlm@0: statue as the stone monuments that stood silent vigil over the dead. Slowly, red, swollen
rlm@0: eyes met Usagi's and Chibi opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't for a moment.
rlm@0: "Shh…" Usagi's finger moved over her daughter's lips, signaling her not to talk. She had
rlm@0: never seen her like this before, so angry, so…frightening.
rlm@0: "WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!???" her piercing wail
rlm@0: echoed, rebounding off the tombstones, making the sound redirect to the people who
rlm@0: stood between them. Soon it sounded like the angels themselves were screaming in
rlm@0: agony.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The ride back to home was quiet, uneventful. 'I'm glad she's at least quiet now,'
rlm@0: Usagi thought to herself, looking over at the sleeping child that rested in her lap. 'I
rlm@0: thought we were going to be kicked off the plane on the way back here. She was glad the
rlm@0: people were sympathetic, even if annoyed and distressed at the hysterically crying child
rlm@0: who only ceased her sobbing after she fell asleep.
rlm@0: "I didn't know she'd take it this hard." Ami whispered to Usagi who only sighed
rlm@0: and nodded, though both of the older senshi's eyes were puffy from tears, they had
rlm@0: nothing on the pink haired girl. "It's so sad…I never knew she cared about Hotaru this
rlm@0: much… they were very good friends, now that I do think about it." Usagi nodded to Ami
rlm@0: for a fraction of a second before her eyes went wide.
rlm@0: Hearing Ami talk about Hotaru in the past tense finalized it as her being gone.
rlm@0: Usagi winced visibly and pulled her daughter tighter into her body, suddenly wanting to
rlm@0: be comforted, though Chibi didn't awaken. "Ami…god, why did you say that?" Usagi
rlm@0: narrowed her eyes at Ami even though she knew that she wasn't angry at her, hissing
rlm@0: through her clenched teeth, "Why?"
rlm@0: "I…I'm sorry Usagi, but all I said was that Hotaru and Chibi were-" she cut off,
rlm@0: suddenly realizing just what she had said and her hand covered her mouth. She didn't
rlm@0: need to say anymore. She didn't have to.
rlm@0: They spent the rest of the long ride from the cemetery listening only to the rain
rlm@0: patter down, and Chibi's steady breathing as she slept. 'You must be exhausted,' Usagi
rlm@0: thought as she brushed aside some of the girl's hair. 'I've never seen you cry like that,
rlm@0: and this much before…let alone scream that loudly. You must really care about her,
rlm@0: huh?' She refused to talk about Hotaru in the past tense, it tore her too much to even
rlm@0: begin to. 'She's lucky to have a friend like you…'
rlm@0: "Usagi….Usagi? We're home now," Usagi looked up quickly, realizing they were
rlm@0: now at Makoto's house, where they would be staying to keep each other company. "Do
rlm@0: you need a hand with her?" Ami gestured to Chibi, she was the only one who didn't head
rlm@0: quickly inside, not because of the angel's tears that streamed from the heavens, soaking
rlm@0: the world beneath, but because they were too numb to know any better. Only Ami's hard
rlm@0: wired sense of responsibility and courtesy remained.
rlm@0: "Huh? Oh, no, I've got her…" Usagi placed both legs out onto the ground, before
rlm@0: standing; the cold, but comforting rain began to trace over her face. "Let's get inside."
rlm@0: The door to the car was closed by Ami, as Usagi needed both hands to carry her daughter,
rlm@0: who was too out of it to even place her arms around her mother's neck. 'God, she's such
rlm@0: a dead weight…'
rlm@0: A stabbing pain in Usagi's head brought to her a sudden halt. She leaned her back
rlm@0: against a soaked pillar, to keep herself upright. Her mind forced the replay of the scene at
rlm@0: the funeral, where they stood gathered around Hotaru's grave. Only this time, she was
rlm@0: watching herself, and the others, in third person.  Watching herself stand crying, Usagi
rlm@0: felt a direct chill, slithering down her spine before turning to the stone on the ground. It
rlm@0: was blank. The angel carved onto the gray stone suddenly turned its eyes and head to face
rlm@0: Usagi who gasped in fright. It began to mouth silent words to her, though she couldn't
rlm@0: make them out. 'I…I don't understand!' She thought trying harder to read the lips of the
rlm@0: angel.
rlm@0: "Love is stronger than death… Love is stronger than life… Don't let her grief
rlm@0: over come her… Love her…" Hotaru's hushed voice clearly sounded, whispering though
rlm@0: Usagi's ear, causing her to jump, and look around frantically, but the only thing she saw
rlm@0: now was Ami, who had her hand on Usagi's shoulder.
rlm@0: "Usagi! Are you ok? Get inside before your d--  catch a cold." She began to lead
rlm@0: her inside, oblivious to Hotaru's warning that carried itself on the fridged air.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Seisen floated through the swirling darkness, unaware of the creature that was
rlm@0: stalking him through the endless depths of the portal.. Unbeknownst to him, he was
rlm@0: floating back to the astral plane, by nothing more than dumb luck, but the monster
rlm@0: trailing him intended to stop this. It's tendril flared quickly at the youth, intending to
rlm@0: entangle him and draw him closer to itself to pull him from the sanctuary of the darkness.
rlm@0: However, at that moment, Seisen's eyes opened  to see the imminent collision, but
rlm@0: managed to turn his body vertically so the tendril would only slam into his chest, not grip
rlm@0: him like the creature wanted. The impact of the blow sent the youth spinning head over
rlm@0: heels out of the portal and onto the ground of the astral realm, leaving the furious cry of
rlm@0: the creature to echo in his ears, just as his hand closed around the Silence Glaive. It began
rlm@0: to shimmer in response to his touch, but soon darkness was all he saw.
rlm@0: Waking in the still, flame lit darkness, Seisen sat up. His body was healed, he was
rlm@0: whole again…he glanced to the glaive by his side, which just shined knowingly. "Thank
rlm@0: you, Hotaru…" he mumbled under his breath before a single tear streamed down his face,
rlm@0: he could feel in his heart that the girl was dead, which meant he had very little time. He
rlm@0: stood up, grabbing the glaive in his hands, and began to run quickly down the path to the
rlm@0: afterlife.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Makoto's house was deathly silent, the senshi sitting around the living room
rlm@0: staring at the rug in the middle of the floor. Nothing stirred the quiet, besides the sound of
rlm@0: the girls' breathing. A breeze floated on the thick air, chilling Usagi down to her bones,
rlm@0: though none of the senshi seemed to notice the sudden icy whisper that ran it's fingers
rlm@0: through Usagi's hair. "Remember…" Hotaru's hushed voice murmured to the girl,
rlm@0: "Remember…."
rlm@0: "Remember what?" she said aloud, causing the rest of the inners to look at her, as
rlm@0: the others chose to heal in their own way. Four sets of red eyes looked to Usagi, though
rlm@0: no one spoke to her.
rlm@0: Assuming she was just thinking aloud they dismissed it and went back to looking
rlm@0: at their own feet. Chibi stirred in Usagi's lap, sitting up and glancing to her mother, "Did
rlm@0: you hear her too?"
rlm@0: Seisen stood at the foot of the bed, having successfully managed to prevent
rlm@0: Hotaru's passage into the afterlife by mere moments. He sighed, sitting down on the
rlm@0: chair, exhausted. "If I had been a second later, you would have gone…I'm glad I know
rlm@0: my way around the plane," he spoke to her, though she was asleep, just to break the
rlm@0: uneasy silence.
rlm@0: "You see, when you die your spirit returns here, to the astral plane. You are here
rlm@0: physically, like I told you before, since your spirit makes you whole here." Seisen knew
rlm@0: he was only talking to himself, but it was that or listen to the burning of the torches. "I
rlm@0: found you before you wandered your way into the afterlife…some people find their way
rlm@0: back to the realm of the living, which is why they are ghosts because they have no body
rlm@0: and don't want to be completely dead. So, I stopped your spirit from entering and losing
rlm@0: you forever…now all we have to do is find a new body for you, or have you reborn…
rlm@0: that's going to be hell, let me tell you…we'll worry about that later, just relax…"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Chibi sat in the tub of Makoto's bathroom in the now cooling water. She had been
rlm@0: in there for almost two hours, though she hardly noticed the time. Her skin was
rlm@0: wrinkling, her mind was wandering and her heart was aching. She didn't want to move,
rlm@0: she didn't want to think, she just wanted to be with Hotaru again.
rlm@0: "Chibi…? Are you OK in there?" Usagi asked as she gently knocked on the door.
rlm@0: The blonde was more worried about her daughter than she let on, Hotaru's words echoed
rlm@0: still in her ears, but she didn't understand what they were meaning to tell her.
rlm@0: "Yeah….I'm ok, I think I want to get out now." Chibi said, standing up and
rlm@0: letting the water drip from her body as she pulled the drain plug from the bath. She
rlm@0: watched the water swirling down the drain, but somehow in her mind she pictured
rlm@0: crimson swirls of blood draining down the hole. Her blood. She glanced away quickly.
rlm@0: "Ok…you have your pajamas and everything? We're going to sleep in the living
rlm@0: room, on the sofa…Minako, and Rei will be sleeping in Makoto's room, so we're sharing
rlm@0: with Ami." Usagi leaned her body against the door, her fingertips tracing the pattern of
rlm@0: the wood grain as she waited for Chibi to answer her.
rlm@0: "Yes…" was the only response Chibi gave as she began to towel off, though the
rlm@0: edge of the fabric was caught in the drawer. She sighed as she pulled it open and removed
rlm@0: the towel piece, and just as she was about to close the drawer, a small black object caught
rlm@0: her eye. Reaching in, she removed the black cylinder, which upon further inspection
rlm@0: revealed itself to be a box cutter; the razor still protruding from the top.
rlm@0: Chibi's mind flashed once more to the vision of her blood flowing down the
rlm@0: bathtub drain as she looked over the glint of the steel's edge. "Hotaru…" she said softly,
rlm@0: numbly running her finger over the blade, not so much as wincing as it tore easily
rlm@0: through her skin. "I'll see you soon…" she shoved the blade into the pocket of her
rlm@0: pajama pants and continued to dry herself off.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: It was almost 1:00 AM before Usagi finally fell asleep. Ami had been resting for
rlm@0: almost an hour before hand, though Chibi was still awake listening to the thunder rolling
rlm@0: in the distance. The child had been sitting in silence the entire night, weighing the pros
rlm@0: and the cons of the razor in her hand, and though terribly frightened she had chosen to
rlm@0: indeed go through with it.
rlm@0: The chill in the air was undeniable as the child walked her final, self imposed mile
rlm@0: down the dark, lonely hall towards the bathroom; she wanted to do it in the bathtub,
rlm@0: where she wouldn't make a mess for Makoto. Flipping on the light switch, Chibi was
rlm@0: instantly blinded by the fluorescent daggers that sought out her dilated pupils and paused
rlm@0: a moment to let her eyes adjust to the brightness.
rlm@0: "I'll be with you soon, Hotaru…" she whispered to herself as she closed the door
rlm@0: behind her and made very sure it was locked before she took a look at herself in the
rlm@0: mirror. Red, tired eyes stared back at her, alabaster skin stained with the tears that have
rlm@0: since run dry. The child sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and stepping
rlm@0: over to the tub and sitting herself in it. It was cold. She shivered lightly in the tub, though
rlm@0: she chilled even more when she rolled up her left sleeve, since it was closer to the heart
rlm@0: she figured that it would bleed faster. "I'm sorry mom…everyone," she whispered to
rlm@0: herself as she extended the end of the blade to full length.
rlm@0: As she placed the razor's edge to her skin, she hesitated a moment. It would hurt,
rlm@0: she knew very well, but it was better a moment of physical pain than a lifetime of agony.
rlm@0: "I'm sorry…" the girl whispered again before pressing down on the handle of the box
rlm@0: cutter and driving it as deep as it will go into her soft skin.
rlm@0: White hot pain seared her body as the deep, crimson liquid began to pour from the
rlm@0: small wound on her wrist…it would take too long. Gathering her courage, she roughly
rlm@0: pulled the blade up her arm, moving toward her elbow rather than horizontally across her
rlm@0: wrist, as it would slice the entire vein rather than just a portion of it. With every
rlm@0: centimeter of her skin that tore, it allowed more blood to freely drop into the tub, the tiny
rlm@0: globules soon becoming thick, morbid river that washed her life down the drain.
rlm@0: Unable to take any more pain, Chibi dropped the box cutter with a loud clatter
rlm@0: against the tile floor, sending a few droplets spraying across the white tile.
rlm@0: The sound transmitted easily through the thin walls of Makoto's house, causing a
rlm@0: few of the senshi to awaken. Sitting up in the darkness, Ami rubbed her eyes and
rlm@0: stretched; the clock read almost 1:15 in the morning. "Who is up at such an hour?" she
rlm@0: whispered to herself, though as she stood she realized that Chibi Usa was missing.
rlm@0: "Leave it to her to wake the house…just like her mother." Ami said aloud, pausing to
rlm@0: look over the sleeping Usagi, "That isn't necessarily a bad thing though…" Shaking
rlm@0: herself free from the stare she had placed on the senshi of the moon, Ami began to head
rlm@0: in the direction of the noise.
rlm@0: Ami stepped quietly through the house, and when she reached the bathroom door,
rlm@0: she knocked softly on it, "Is everything ok? I heard a loud noise…" This startled Chibi,
rlm@0: who turned to look at the door a moment, but the room began to spin.
rlm@0: She didn't care anymore, she could hardly focus on anything; not what she was
rlm@0: leaving behind, only what she was going to. Her vision continuing to blur, the child
rlm@0: forced her eyes open a last time, and in her disorientation saw her best friend leaning over
rlm@0: her.
rlm@0: Hotaru's violet eyes were of great comfort to the dying girl, and as she felt a hand
rlm@0: running through her hair, she knew everything was going to be over soon, and she
rlm@0: wouldn't have to feel anything else. "Shh….Chibi," the soldier of Saturn whispered to
rlm@0: her, caressing her face with her pale hand, "Just a moment or two longer."
rlm@0: Hotaru felt selfish…she felt ashamed, and dishonorable for doing this. She knew
rlm@0: she should have stopped her friend from killing herself, but she couldn't. Hotaru wanted
rlm@0: Chibi to be with her. She wanted to see her again, to feel her touch, to know that she
rlm@0: wasn't alone in the darkness. Seisen was someone to talk to, yes, but it wasn't the same.
rlm@0: Nor had the man stopped her from coming back to see Chibi, which led Hotaru to believe
rlm@0: that this was OK with him as well.
rlm@0: "What will happen…?" Chibi mumbled the girl who still stood over her, finding it
rlm@0: very difficult to talk. Her body ached all over as the muscles began to seize, leaving her
rlm@0: to sit stiffly with her friend. Hotaru didn't say anything to her, simply shook her head and
rlm@0: leaned down, nuzzling the smaller girl's face with her own. Chibi shakily raised her
rlm@0: bleeding hand and touched Hotaru's lips with her fingers, causing a smear of blood to run
rlm@0: across them. "Please…" Chibi said, touching her lips again.
rlm@0: The raven haired child nodded to her friend and tilted her face to the side. Just as
rlm@0: her lips met Chibi's, the door unlocked seemingly of it's own will. "Chibi?" Ami called,
rlm@0: though she wasn't heard by either of the two in the room. Hotaru wrapped her arms
rlm@0: around her friend's body and hugged her tightly.
rlm@0: Chibi shuddered a moment, taking a final deep breath before growing still; dying
rlm@0: wrapped in Hotaru's arms never breaking their kiss. "Chibi, I'm coming in." Ami said
rlm@0: again, and the door slowly opened.
rlm@0: The sight that Ami witnessed that day would never be forgotten. Hotaru,
rlm@0: completely restored in her beauty sitting on the ledge of the bathtub holding a bloody
rlm@0: child in her arms. The raven haired ghost turned to look at Ami slowly, her lips smeared
rlm@0: with blood, giving her an even more macabre appearance. "Goodbye Ami…tell my
rlm@0: parents I say the same. I'm sorry I'm so selfish…" and with that, she faded from sight as
rlm@0: Ami began to scream as loud as she could.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "So how does it feel, little one?"
rlm@0: "H-…how does what feel? Where am I?"
rlm@0: "How does it feel to be dead?"
rlm@0: "I'm….dead?"
rlm@0: "Yes…you and Firefly…only there's a problem…"
rlm@0: "Problem….? I don't understand."
rlm@0: "……thou shalt not kill."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: