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1 Dear Sakura
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2 Fireflies and Cherry Blossoms
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3 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
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4 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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5 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
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6
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7
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8 “This is just what I needed. Work has been so busy lately, hasn’t
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9 it, Tomoyo-chan? I think we both needed a chance to finally relax for
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10 once,” Sonomi observed as she and her daughter walked around all of
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11 the booths that had been set up at the shrine. The two Daidouji women
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12 were resplendent in their kimonos. Sonomi had become more and more
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13 concerned about her daughter’s welfare after finding her crying near
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14 the mailbox several days earlier. But as usual, Tomoyo had tried
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15 desperately not to worry her. And if Sonomi couldn’t get Tomoyo to
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16 tell her what was wrong, how could she help? Of course, she had a
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17 fairly good idea of what was bothering Tomoyo. Sakura. Sonomi
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18 mentally twitched at the thought. Sakura was such a wonderful girl,
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19 but the business woman was having a very difficult time keeping her
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20 anger in check when it came to the Cardmistress. Seeing her daughter
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21 in so much pain was heart wrenching to the distraught mother. Ever
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22 since Tomoyo had returned from Hong Kong, something heavy had been
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23 weighing down on the dark haired girl’s soul. Sonomi had been
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24 thrilled to hear about Tomoyo’s experiences with Nadeshiko’s
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25 daughter, but it seemed that her daughter had brought back something
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26 other than happy memories from her trip. Something dark that had
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27 wrapped around Tomoyo’s heart, it’s thorns piercing the gentle
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28 object. So Sonomi had tried to get Tomoyo away from it all by taking
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29 her out to a festival. The business woman dealt with her own pain by
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30 focusing on other things, whether it be work or athletics or her
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31 daughter. It helped her to forget that she had lost the one most dear
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32 to her. It allowed her to be distracted from the ice cold anguish
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33 that languished in her heart. She only hoped that the same thing
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34 would help her precocious daughter.
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35 “Hai, okaa-sama. It’s been very busy lately with the new deadline
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36 coming up. But I’m sure that even with the added pressure, you’ll
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37 have everything perfectly wrapped up in time. You always do such a
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38 wonderful job of keeping things under control,” Tomoyo’s soft voice
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39 replied. Pale fingers brushed back her braided hair from her eyes as
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40 she looked forward. Noticing that Sonomi was watching her carefully,
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41 she plastered on her typically charming smile and shined it at her
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42 mother, though it felt fake and see through to her. She hadn’t wanted
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43 to go and would have protested, but she didn’t want to worry her
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44 mother. Poor Sonomi had been through enough without seeing the pain
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45 in Tomoyo’s shattered heart. She needed to hold on long enough so as
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46 not to concern the older woman. But it was so difficult to keep a
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47 grasp on her masks. They felt brittle, translucent. Her inner turmoil
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48 was making it impossible to hide the pain for much longer. So this
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49 would be her last performance. When this show was over, she would
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50 once and for all throw her masks away, tossing away the once
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51 cherished mental barriers that had up till now protected those she
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52 loved from her own pain. After all, there would be no one to worry
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53 about hurting after that so they wold no longer be necessary. But for
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54 now, she would perform her best for her mother. The thought reminded
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55 her of when she was a child, how she had always sang her best when
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56 Sakura had been in the audience or when Sonomi had managed to sneak
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57 away from work long enough to listen to her daughter’s singing on
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58 stage. It brought a small, sad smile to her lips. She always had
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59 performed the best for those two, whether it be singing or hiding her
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60 feelings. Unfortunately, it worked a lot better on Sakura than it did
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61 with Sonomi. Her mother always managed to see through her to the
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62 feelings inside.
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63 Sonomi nodded in agreement, her stormy blue eyes settling on the
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64 beautiful visage of her daughter. ‘Oh my God, she looks so much like
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65 Nadeshiko-chan... I swear that she and Sakura-chan must have been
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66 switched at birth. She’s so much like her. So loving. So gentle. So
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67 sweet. Nadeshiko-chan always went out to care for animals and
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68 anything that looked like it was in pain. Tomoyo-chan has done the
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69 same with the hearts of others. She’ll never know how much she’s
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70 helped ease the pain in my own heart. But it’s not fair that no one
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71 can take away her pain,’ Sonomi thought to herself, still half in
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72 shock at seeing Tomoyo in the moonlight. The younger girl could have
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73 passed herself off as Nadeshiko at that age perfectly. Her pale skin
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74 and dark hair, her sweet smile, they all painted a picture from long
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75 ago. Sonomi smiled brightly, brushing away some of Tomoyo's dark hair
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76 from her face. “You look so gorgeous, Tomoyo-chan! You’ve grown into
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77 such a lovely young woman. I always knew that you’d surpass Goddesses
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78 in their beauty.” Sonomi watched her daughter as she dug through her
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79 purse for her camera. When was the last time the mother and daughter
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80 had gone to a festival together? She had to have a picture of this.
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81 Tomoyo was practically shining in her kimono. The picture would look
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82 perfect right next to a picture of Nadeshiko in a kimono just a year
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83 or two younger. “I’m going to take a picture, Tomoyo-chan. I want to
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84 be able to look back on tonight.” ‘Especially if you’re leaving,’
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85 Sonomi added glumly as an afterthought. She already knew that Tomoyo
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86 was moving out, but she suspected that her reasons were far more
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87 complex than simply wanting to get out on her own. The pain in
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88 Tomoyo’s eyes was a fairly good indicator to Sonomi of that. She had
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89 come to the conclusion that her daughter wanted to escape the pain,
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90 that she was leaving to try and put it behind her. Sonomi couldn’t
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91 fault her baby girl with that. She had done the same thing when
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92 Nadeshiko had married Fujitaka, leaving shortly after the wedding and
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93 breaking all her ties with the only person she had ever loved. It was
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94 the only way she could survive. She would never have been able to
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95 stay near her cousin while she was happily married to the man who had
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96 stolen her away. She guessed that it was the same for Tomoyo, that
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97 she hoped to outdistance the pain. If only it were that easy. But
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98 Sonomi knew that it may be the only way for Tomoyo to handle the
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99 agony of never having her love returned.
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100 Tomoyo tilted her head to the side, clasping her hands in front of
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101 her as she smiled sweetly. The camera clicked and whirred as Sonomi
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102 took her picture. Time froze in that instant, a single memory frozen
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103 forever on film. The picture of a shattered girl hiding behind her
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104 tattered and unraveling masks, crying helplessly underneath the smile
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105 that she shined out at the camera. Despite her smile, Sonomi would
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106 forever find the picture disturbing, never quite sure what was wrong
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107 with the beautiful picture. When she looked at it long enough, she
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108 would almost be able to see her daughter’s tears, the agony on her
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109 face and the pain in her torn heart. But after a cold chill would
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110 pass down her spine, the image would be gone, replaced once again
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111 with the slightly disturbing picture of Tomoyo smiling in her kimono.
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112 And with that, time continued along its inevitable path. Tomoyo
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113 continued to hold her hands in front of her as she and her mother
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114 glanced around curiously at the decorations and the festival goers.
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115 Tomoyo was wearing a delicate teal kimono with dark blue flower petal
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116 designs across it, like flowers floating on a calm ocean. Sonomi’s
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117 kimono was a rust red, multicolored flowers adorning its design as if
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118 bouquets had been sewn into the red fabric. The two Daidouji women
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119 turned several heads as they continued along under the moonlight,
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120 though neither paid any attention.
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121 Sighing inwardly, Sonomi wished that there was some way that she
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122 could take away her daughter’s hurt, that she could assume all of the
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123 dark haired girl’s suffering for herself. Watching Tomoyo slowly
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124 splinter apart was maddening for the already overprotective mother.
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125 It was much more painful to see the most important piece of her life
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126 begin to crack and break apart than it was to deal with her own pain.
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127 With the loss of Nadeshiko she could mourn or fume in anger over the
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128 man who had stolen her precious cousin away from her. But there was
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129 nothing she could do for her delicate daughter. She felt trapped by
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130 her own helplessness, and it was suffocating her. As Tomoyo’s mother,
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131 it was impossible for her not to feel the torment of her baby girl.
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132 Having lived through the same pain herself, Sonomi would give
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133 anything to take it away from her daughter. Then she would have
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134 something to fight, something that she could actually do to fix the
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135 situation. It wasn’t fair that Tomoyo’s heart was just as doomed as
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136 her mother’s to an eternity of loneliness. What had the young woman
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137 done to deserve such an agonizing fate? Who had she ever wronged?
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138 Tomoyo had been nothing but selfless in her love for Sakura. She
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139 deserved her storybook ending and it tore at Sonomi’s heart to see
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140 that denied to her little girl.
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141 What made the situation all the more unbearable for the head of the
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142 Daidouji household was that it was Sakura behind her daughter’s
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143 suffering. Cute, genki, innocent Sakura-chan. Sonomi had only the
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144 highest regards of Sakura for years. The sweet little schoolgirl had
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145 brightened her life nearly as much as she had brightened Tomoyo’s.
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146 And the fact that she was Nadeshiko’s daughter was not lost on
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147 Sonomi. Even if there were more similarities between Nadeshiko and
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148 Tomoyo than between Nadeshiko and her actual daughter, Sonomi had
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149 always managed to catch a glimpse of Sakura’s mother in her. And she
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150 had always been such a delight to have around. Sonomi understood
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151 completely how her daughter had fallen in love with the spirited and
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152 somewhat naïve woman. So it pained her all the more to know that
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153 Sakura was the one that caused her daughter’s tears again and again.
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154 It was almost a contradiction that such a sweetly lovable girl like
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155 Sakura would be capable of the brutal pain that battered Tomoyo’s
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156 heart. This same contradiction was what confused Sonomi’s own
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157 thoughts. She thought very highly of Sakura. Cared very much for the
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158 young woman, in fact, as Nadeshiko’s daughter, the one Tomoyo loved,
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159 and as a wonderful girl in her own right. But Sonomi was also
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160 fiercely protective of those she cared about, and with Nadeshiko
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161 gone, the one that took highest priority on her list was her gentle
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162 daughter, Tomoyo. And seeing Sakura causing such devastation to her
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163 daughter was something that she simply couldn’t forgive. Yet she
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164 couldn’t bring herself to hate Sakura. Not in the same way that she
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165 hated Fujitaka, the girl’s father. She genuinely liked Sakura and was
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166 always pleasantly charmed by her company. She had been nearly as
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167 captivated by the brunette as her daughter always was. So it was very
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168 difficult for her to sort out these conflicting feelings.
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169 But seeing the painful shards in Tomoyo’s usually deep and soulful
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170 indigo eyes had pushed Sonomi to reevaluate her feelings towards the
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171 Cardmistress. How could Sakura treat her daughter’s heart as if it
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172 was some mere trinket? Something that she could ignore and take for
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173 granted? Such an act showed just how terribly Sakura had failed her
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174 best friend and Sonomi’s one and only daughter. Anyone who could
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175 bring tears to Tomoyo’s lovely eyes was guilty of a terrible sin to
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176 the dark haired beauty. Yet Tomoyo could never bring herself to be
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177 angry with Sakura, could never fault the brunette’s naivete for the
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178 pain it caused her. On the other hand, her mother wasn’t quite as
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179 forgiving. ‘Sonomi-chan, you’re not still mad at him, are you?’
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180 Nadeshiko’s voice gently chided, deep from within Sonomi’s memories.
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181 As always, it was accompanied by the most dazzling of smiles, of
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182 which one always graced Nadeshiko’s beautiful features. Nadeshiko was
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183 so much like her daughter in that way. Never one to get angry, even
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184 when she had every right to be, always having such a remarkably
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185 touching faith that things would turn out all right. But Sonomi was
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186 starting to fear that her daughter was losing that faith. And with
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187 it, her daughter’s soul began to crumble like a house of cards.
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188 ‘Yes... Yes, I’m still angry with him, Nadeshiko-chan... But not just
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189 for beating me at track the time when you said that. No, I will never
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190 forgive him for stealing everything from me. Most importantly, for
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191 taking you away. And now his daughter’s doing the same thing to my
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192 baby girl,’ Sonomi mentally replied to her cousin’s question from
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193 years long past. Her eyes narrowed as she once again saw the familiar
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194 features of the man that had managed to single handedly ruin her
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195 life. To her surprise, his face shifted into someone else entirely.
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196 Tilting her head to the side, Sakura smiled sweetly.
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197 Nearly backpedaling from the sight, Sonomi was relieved to see that
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198 it had only been her imagination. A young girl stared at her
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199 awkwardly for a moment before running off to find her mother. Placing
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200 her hand on her chest, the business woman began to breathe deeply,
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201 trying to relax her thunderously beating heart. It had only been her
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202 already overworked mind playing along with her thoughts. Not that she
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203 needed that at the moment. She was too busy trying to... “Tomoyo-
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204 chan?” Turning around, Sonomi tried to catch a glimpse of her
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205 daughter but to no avail. While she had been lost in her thoughts,
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206 Tomoyo had disappeared. Panic gripped at the business woman’s heart
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207 as she scanned the crowds for any sign of pale skin or lavender hair.
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208 Though Tomoyo was a young woman now and capable of taking care of
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209 herself, Sonomi felt the irrational fear that she would never see her
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210 cherished daughter again. Her mind quickly reassured her that it
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211 simply wasn’t the case, but it was cold comfort. And she was
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212 generally one to listen to her feelings over her thoughts. And her
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213 feelings were telling her that something was terribly wrong. That she
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214 had to hurry to her daughter’s side before it was too late. But what
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215 would she be too late for?
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216
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217 Tomoyo walked silently out into a clearing, devoid of anything but
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218 the soft sparkle of fireflies as they lit the sky around her. A
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219 small, sad smile crossed her lips in remembrance of watching Sakura
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220 catch the Glow Card out on a similar night. Those tiny little
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221 floating lights in the air were so similar to the Clow Card’s own
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222 gentle glow. Sakura had been so happy that night, spending time with
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223 her crush at the time, Yukito Tsukishiro, under the moonlight. And
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224 Tomoyo had been more than happy to watch the two of them from the
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225 safety of some bushes, delighting in Sakura’s cute blush and the
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226 brunette’s ecstasy of spending time with the snow rabbit. Why wasn’t
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227 that enough for her anymore? Why couldn’t she be content to watch
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228 Sakura’s life through a camcorder lens the way she always had?
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229 Fanren’s words returned to Tomoyo in answer to her unspoken
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230 question. Because her own heart was always pouring out love to
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231 Sakura, it was empty inside. And her brittle heart was collapsing
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232 under its own weight. She couldn’t continue to watch Sakura married
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233 and living a life that really didn’t need her. Tomoyo was only human.
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234 Even she couldn’t handle watching the one she loved forever in love
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235 with someone else. It only made her own lonely heart cry out even
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236 more into the moonlight, making it ache incessantly more. It had been
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237 what she wanted, to make Sakura happy by any means necessary. And she
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238 had given up Sakura to Syaoran in the hopes that he could make her
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239 happy. “As long as the one I love is happy, it doesn’t matter if they
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240 love me,” Tomoyo whispered, repeating words from a happier childhood.
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241 And it was true, she wanted Sakura to be happy above all else. But
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242 seeing it, actually watching Sakura’s new happy life unfold, it only
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243 made the loneliness in Tomoyo’s heart more poignant, more acute. Her
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244 love for Sakura actually made it infinitely worse for her because it
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245 just reinforced the emptiness in her heart. Knowing that the most
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246 important person in her life no longer needed her, that she was no
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247 longer necessary was a chilling revelation. With that, all purpose
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248 from her life seemed to disappear like mist on a sunny morning. She
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249 had devoted so much of her life to Sakura that the prospect of no
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rlm@0
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250 longer being useful to the brunette was devastating. But even then,
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rlm@0
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251 at least she would be able to watch Sakura. But even that was beyond
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rlm@0
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252 her now. Every time that Sakura came to her about her husband, about
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rlm@0
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253 her happy new life, it hurt her. It hurt her to know that she was not
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rlm@0
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254 a part of it, that she could never be a part of it. To see the two of
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rlm@0
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255 them in love, to know that Sakura’s love was for someone else alone,
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rlm@0
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256 it left her frail and weak. She now knew why her mother had left when
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rlm@0
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257 Nadeshiko had gotten married. It was simply too painful to stay and
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rlm@0
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258 watch the one you love while they love another.
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rlm@0
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259 Tomoyo had wrestled with her feelings about leaving for quite a
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rlm@0
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260 while before that, so she understood what lay behind them. Her fear
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rlm@0
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261 of ruining Sakura’s happy life and her need to get away from the pain
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rlm@0
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262 that haunted her while she remained in Sakura’s life had all played a
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rlm@0
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263 part in her decision. She already regretted her decision terribly,
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rlm@0
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264 but knew that she really had no other choice. To stay in Sakura’s
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rlm@0
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265 life would be to invite disaster. If she didn’t ruin the brunette’s
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rlm@0
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266 marriage when Sakura discovered her feelings, her heart would die
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rlm@0
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267 from remaining to watch it all. So this was for the best. But somehow
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rlm@0
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268 that knowledge did little to comfort the lavender haired heiress. She
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rlm@0
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269 would never see Sakura again, even if it was the only way out. Tears
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rlm@0
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270 began to trickle down her cheeks as she held herself in the cold
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rlm@0
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271 night. That was the way it always was. She was all alone, holding her
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rlm@0
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272 feelings inside. And it was the way things always would be. A life
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rlm@0
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273 devoid of Sakura felt incredibly empty, like life in a vacuum. But
|
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rlm@0
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274 wasn’t that what her videotape collection was for? Somehow those
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rlm@0
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275 collections of frozen images and captured memories felt poorly
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rlm@0
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276 inadequate now. She wanted the real Sakura. She longed for her touch,
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rlm@0
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277 for her soft voice and her beautifully hopeful eyes. The videotapes
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rlm@0
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278 were now a painful reminder of what she could never have, of what she
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rlm@0
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279 would never again behold. Yet they were her only taste left of
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rlm@0
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280 Sakura. Her last great treasure. Even if they were bittersweet, they
|
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rlm@0
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281 were beautiful moments with Sakura, captured forever on videotape. So
|
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rlm@0
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282 she would always have them to drown in, beautiful memories to
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rlm@0
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283 surround herself with. They would make a wonderful coffin, one of
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rlm@0
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284 cute moments, dizzying costumes, and the always energetic Sakura. And
|
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rlm@0
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285 she could bury herself in them.
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rlm@0
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286 That had felt like her only means of escape, her only way to
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rlm@0
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287 survive without Sakura. But now she had to wonder if even that would
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rlm@0
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288 be enough. Her life felt woefully empty without the captivating
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rlm@0
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289 brunette. And she knew that nothing, not even her videotapes, could
|
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rlm@0
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290 ever truly replace her. Of course, that was never what the videos
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rlm@0
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291 were intended for. They were her documentary of Sakura, her footage
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rlm@0
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292 of time long ago, more like memories than anything else. And just
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rlm@0
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293 like memories, they paled in comparison to the real thing.
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rlm@0
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294 So just how could she survive a life without Sakura? Her stormy blue
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rlm@0
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295 eyes closed, her braided hair fluttering around in the biting breeze
|
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rlm@0
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296 as she tried to concentrate on just what a life might entail. The
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rlm@0
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297 wind whispered in her ear as the fireflies continued their endless
|
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rlm@0
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298 dance up above her. Sound could be heard in the distance as the
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rlm@0
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299 festival continued for those merry enough to join in. Nothing... She
|
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rlm@0
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300 could see nothing. It was as if her life’s journey ended once she was
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rlm@0
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301 without Sakura. And even if she continued on with such a life, what
|
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rlm@0
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302 meaning would their be to it? What possible purpose could it serve?
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rlm@0
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303 Like a clock that had wound down, it would be cold and meaningless.
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rlm@0
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304 Just like her masks, it would be pretty, but absolutely false. It
|
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rlm@0
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305 would be empty. Is a life lived merely for the sake of living really
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rlm@0
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306 worth living at all? Would it not be better to join Sakura’s mother
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rlm@0
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307 up in the skies above, to watch down on Sakura and her mother rather
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rlm@0
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308 than to continue forward helplessly alone and lost in the dark?
|
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rlm@0
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309 “Tomoyo-chan!! There you are!” Sonomi called out as she hurried to
|
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rlm@0
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310 meet her daughter in the clearing. She smiled in relief, glad to see
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rlm@0
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311 that her daughter was in no trouble after all. But a closer glance
|
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rlm@0
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312 made her rethink that. She could see wet tears on her daughter’s
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rlm@0
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313 cheeks, though the pale girl quickly wiped them away with the sleeve
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rlm@0
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314 of her kimono. Perhaps she was in no physical danger, but Sonomi was
|
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rlm@0
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315 beginning to think that was the least of her problems. “Tomoyo-chan,
|
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rlm@0
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316 what’s wrong?” she asked quietly, her hands resting on the dark
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rlm@0
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317 haired woman’s shoulders.
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rlm@0
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318 Tomoyo didn’t meet her mother’s gaze for a long moment, and it took
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rlm@0
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319 all of her strength to attempt a smile as she finally turned to look
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rlm@0
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320 at Sonomi. “It’s nothing. I’m fine, okaa-sama,” she said quietly. But
|
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rlm@0
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321 she knew at once that she had failed miserably. Sonomi didn’t look
|
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rlm@0
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322 the least bit swayed by her words, concern etched on her face.
|
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rlm@0
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323 “Tomoyo-chan, I’m your mother. I know that’s not true. Please, tell
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rlm@0
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324 me what’s wrong. I need to know,” Sonomi whispered. She cupped
|
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rlm@0
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325 Tomoyo’s chin when the younger girl tried to avert her gaze, stormy
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rlm@0
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326 blue eyes meeting stormy blue eyes.
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rlm@0
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327 The dark haired girl balked at first, unsure of what to say to her
|
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rlm@0
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328 mother. Explanations popped to mind, all specifically tailored to
|
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rlm@0
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329 diffuse her mother’s worry. But she felt too weak to use any of them.
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rlm@0
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330 With a sobbing breath, Tomoyo let go of her masks, their remains
|
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rlm@0
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331 shattering uselessly in the wind. “I don’t know how to say goodbye,”
|
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rlm@0
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332 the pale heiress whispered as fresh tears made their way down her
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rlm@0
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333 cheeks and past Sonomi’s waiting hand. Her whole body felt consumed
|
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rlm@0
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334 with despair, eating away at every bit of her soul. She had failed at
|
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rlm@0
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335 protecting those she cared about with her masks, first in front of
|
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rlm@0
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336 Sakura and now with her mother. She could only hope that her masks
|
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rlm@0
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337 had held when writing her last letter to Sakura, but the brunette was
|
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rlm@0
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338 probably still angry with her or at least confused about why Tomoyo
|
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rlm@0
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339 would leave. And Tomoyo would understand if Sakura was angry with
|
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rlm@0
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340 her. As long as Sakura was happy in her new life, it didn’t matter.
|
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rlm@0
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341 But she didn’t have that same safeguard with her mother. She knew
|
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rlm@0
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342 that leaving could very well hurt her mother terribly. And when she
|
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rlm@0
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343 left, her mother wouldn’t have the one she loved and a happy new life
|
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rlm@0
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344 to fall back on. Which is why she had tried so hard not to worry her
|
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rlm@0
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345 mother with her departure. She had never wanted to hurt the older
|
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rlm@0
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346 woman. It’s just that she couldn’t stay any longer. She was too
|
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rlm@0
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347 consumed with grief. She had to get away. It would only hurt her
|
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rlm@0
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348 mother if she stayed.
|
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rlm@0
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349 Sonomi smiled softly, her own eyes glittering with tears as her
|
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rlm@0
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350 hands moved to Tomoyo’s tear stained cheeks. “Oh, Tomoyo-chan... Is
|
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rlm@0
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351 that what this is about?” She shook her head, laughing slightly. It
|
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rlm@0
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352 was a pained sound, but it was honest. “I understand, my little girl.
|
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rlm@0
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353 I know you have to put all of this behind you. I know that you can’t
|
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rlm@0
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354 stay and let the pain devour you. I did the same thing when I left
|
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rlm@0
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355 Nadeshiko-chan when she got married. I couldn’t stay. Even now, I
|
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rlm@0
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356 have so many regrets about that. I only saw her for such a brief time
|
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rlm@0
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357 before she died. I missed out on so many years of her life. But I
|
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rlm@0
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358 don’t think I could have survived if I had stayed there with her
|
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rlm@0
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359 during her marriage to Fujitaka. The human heart just isn’t made to
|
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rlm@0
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360 handle that kind of pain. I don’t think I would have survived at all
|
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rlm@0
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361 if it hadn’t been for you, Tomoyo-chan. You gave me a reason to live.
|
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rlm@0
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362 You were my sweet little girl. You were the one person that I could
|
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rlm@0
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363 always love and cherish, who I knew would forever be a part of me.”
|
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rlm@0
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364 Tears of her own fell down her cheeks, though she continued to smile
|
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rlm@0
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365 at her quietly sobbing daughter. “And I thank you so much for that.
|
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rlm@0
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366 You gave me so much in life that I thought had been lost forever. I
|
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rlm@0
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367 was so consumed by sorrow and anger that I had forgotten the things
|
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rlm@0
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368 that make life worth living. You brought them all back to me. So I
|
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rlm@0
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369 understand if you have to flee all of this. I was happy to try and
|
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rlm@0
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370 keep you with me as long as I could, even if I knew this was
|
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rlm@0
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371 inevitable. You have to let a baby bird fly free some day. Just like
|
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rlm@0
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372 my angel, Nadeshiko-chan. I couldn’t protect her forever. And even
|
|
rlm@0
|
373 though I wish dearly that I could always protect you, Tomoyo-chan, I
|
|
rlm@0
|
374 know that I can’t.”
|
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rlm@0
|
375 Tomoyo’s mind spun as she considered the similarities between
|
|
rlm@0
|
376 herself and her mother’s cousin. ‘I want to be an angel,’ she thought
|
|
rlm@0
|
377 to herself. Oh, to be able to soar above this mortal coil, to escape
|
|
rlm@0
|
378 the anguish that now seemed a permanent aspect of life, to be able to
|
|
rlm@0
|
379 watch Sakura and protect her, it all sounded like a dream. But there
|
|
rlm@0
|
380 was a darker side to her mother’s words. And Tomoyo felt them
|
|
rlm@0
|
381 instantly. She hugged her mother tightly, still crying weakly against
|
|
rlm@0
|
382 the slightly taller woman. “But I don’t want to leave you like that.
|
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rlm@0
|
383 I know how much it hurt you when you lost her. I would never want to
|
|
rlm@0
|
384 hurt you like that, okaa-sama... Sometimes I think you’re the only
|
|
rlm@0
|
385 person who ever really knew me.” She closed her eyes tightly, trying
|
|
rlm@0
|
386 to stop the onslaught of fresh tears. “You always understood how I
|
|
rlm@0
|
387 felt about Sakura-chan. You know how much it hurts not to be with the
|
|
rlm@0
|
388 one you love. I don’t want to leave you, but...”
|
|
rlm@0
|
389 Silencing her daughter with a kiss on her forehead, Sonomi hugged
|
|
rlm@0
|
390 Tomoyo tightly. “Shhh... I know. I know.” The older woman smiled
|
|
rlm@0
|
391 softly. “Not that you didn’t make it difficult enough to know you.
|
|
rlm@0
|
392 You always did have a tendency to hide your feelings when you didn’t
|
|
rlm@0
|
393 want to burden someone. But you’re my little girl, so I had to see
|
|
rlm@0
|
394 through it.” She paused, brushing Tomoyo’s hair out of her eyes. “I
|
|
rlm@0
|
395 don’t want you to hurt like this, Tomoyo-chan. I don’t want to see
|
|
rlm@0
|
396 you so heartbroken. And if leaving is the only way that you can heal
|
|
rlm@0
|
397 your broken heart, then I have to accept that. But please... If you
|
|
rlm@0
|
398 can ever come back, or even if you could just write me a letter to
|
|
rlm@0
|
399 know what my darling daughter has been up to...” Her voice trailed
|
|
rlm@0
|
400 off.
|
|
rlm@0
|
401 Tomoyo burst into pain wracked sobs, clutching onto her mother. She
|
|
rlm@0
|
402 couldn’t even promise that she could send her a letter. How could she
|
|
rlm@0
|
403 just abandon her mother like that? But Sonomi was right. She couldn’t
|
|
rlm@0
|
404 stay. She had to fade away. She had to disappear before it was too
|
|
rlm@0
|
405 late for everyone. “I’m so sorry, okaa-sama...” Tomoyo got out
|
|
rlm@0
|
406 between sobs, her head resting on Sonomi’s shoulder.
|
|
rlm@0
|
407 Standing there, holding onto her daughter, Sonomi finally made her
|
|
rlm@0
|
408 decision. She hated Sakura. She hated the girl for all she had done
|
|
rlm@0
|
409 to her daughter, for all of the anguish she had caused her only
|
|
rlm@0
|
410 child. Holding Tomoyo tightly, Sonomi could only rock back and forth,
|
|
rlm@0
|
411 humming a gentle lullaby that she used to sing to Tomoyo when she was
|
|
rlm@0
|
412 only a child. She only wished that it still held the same power to
|
|
rlm@0
|
413 put the dark haired girl into a peaceful slumber. Standing in the
|
|
rlm@0
|
414 moonlight, surrounded by fireflies, the mother and daughter cried
|
|
rlm@0
|
415 together. Over lost love, over the end of the beginning, and over the
|
|
rlm@0
|
416 death of hope.
|
|
rlm@0
|
417
|
