rlm@0: Dear Sakura
rlm@0: Fireflies and Cherry Blossoms
rlm@0: by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@0: pearsong1954@yahoo.com
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	“This is just what I needed. Work has been so busy lately, hasn’t
rlm@0: it, Tomoyo-chan? I think we both needed a chance to finally relax for
rlm@0: once,” Sonomi observed as she and her daughter walked around all of
rlm@0: the booths that had been set up at the shrine. The two Daidouji women
rlm@0: were resplendent in their kimonos. Sonomi had become more and more
rlm@0: concerned about her daughter’s welfare after finding her crying near
rlm@0: the mailbox several days earlier. But as usual, Tomoyo had tried
rlm@0: desperately not to worry her. And if Sonomi couldn’t get Tomoyo to
rlm@0: tell her what was wrong, how could she help? Of course, she had a
rlm@0: fairly good idea of what was bothering Tomoyo. Sakura. Sonomi
rlm@0: mentally twitched at the thought. Sakura was such a wonderful girl,
rlm@0: but the business woman was having a very difficult time keeping her
rlm@0: anger in check when it came to the Cardmistress. Seeing her daughter
rlm@0: in so much pain was heart wrenching to the distraught mother. Ever
rlm@0: since Tomoyo had returned from Hong Kong, something heavy had been
rlm@0: weighing down on the dark haired girl’s soul. Sonomi had been
rlm@0: thrilled to hear about Tomoyo’s experiences with Nadeshiko’s
rlm@0: daughter, but it seemed that her daughter had brought back something
rlm@0: other than happy memories from her trip. Something dark that had
rlm@0: wrapped around Tomoyo’s heart, it’s thorns piercing the gentle
rlm@0: object. So Sonomi had tried to get Tomoyo away from it all by taking
rlm@0: her out to a festival. The business woman dealt with her own pain by
rlm@0: focusing on other things, whether it be work or athletics or her
rlm@0: daughter. It helped her to forget that she had lost the one most dear
rlm@0: to her. It allowed her to be distracted from the ice cold anguish
rlm@0: that languished in her heart. She only hoped that the same thing
rlm@0: would help her precocious daughter.
rlm@0: 	“Hai, okaa-sama. It’s been very busy lately with the new deadline
rlm@0: coming up. But I’m sure that even with the added pressure, you’ll
rlm@0: have everything perfectly wrapped up in time. You always do such a
rlm@0: wonderful job of keeping things under control,” Tomoyo’s soft voice
rlm@0: replied. Pale fingers brushed back her braided hair from her eyes as
rlm@0: she looked forward. Noticing that Sonomi was watching her carefully,
rlm@0: she plastered on her typically charming smile and shined it at her
rlm@0: mother, though it felt fake and see through to her. She hadn’t wanted
rlm@0: to go and would have protested, but she didn’t want to worry her
rlm@0: mother. Poor Sonomi had been through enough without seeing the pain
rlm@0: in Tomoyo’s shattered heart. She needed to hold on long enough so as
rlm@0: not to concern the older woman. But it was so difficult to keep a
rlm@0: grasp on her masks. They felt brittle, translucent. Her inner turmoil
rlm@0: was making it impossible to hide the pain for much longer. So this
rlm@0: would be her last performance. When this show was over, she would
rlm@0: once and for all throw her masks away, tossing away the once
rlm@0: cherished mental barriers that had up till now protected those she
rlm@0: loved from her own pain. After all, there would be no one to worry
rlm@0: about hurting after that so they wold no longer be necessary. But for
rlm@0: now, she would perform her best for her mother. The thought reminded
rlm@0: her of when she was a child, how she had always sang her best when
rlm@0: Sakura had been in the audience or when Sonomi had managed to sneak
rlm@0: away from work long enough to listen to her daughter’s singing on
rlm@0: stage. It brought a small, sad smile to her lips. She always had
rlm@0: performed the best for those two, whether it be singing or hiding her
rlm@0: feelings. Unfortunately, it worked a lot better on Sakura than it did
rlm@0: with Sonomi. Her mother always managed to see through her to the
rlm@0: feelings inside.
rlm@0: 	Sonomi nodded in agreement, her stormy blue eyes settling on the
rlm@0: beautiful visage of her daughter. ‘Oh my God, she looks so much like
rlm@0: Nadeshiko-chan... I swear that she and Sakura-chan must have been
rlm@0: switched at birth. She’s so much like her. So loving. So gentle. So
rlm@0: sweet. Nadeshiko-chan always went out to care for animals and
rlm@0: anything that looked like it was in pain. Tomoyo-chan has done the
rlm@0: same with the hearts of others. She’ll never know how much she’s
rlm@0: helped ease the pain in my own heart. But it’s not fair that no one
rlm@0: can take away her pain,’ Sonomi thought to herself, still half in
rlm@0: shock at seeing Tomoyo in the moonlight. The younger girl could have
rlm@0: passed herself off as Nadeshiko at that age perfectly. Her pale skin
rlm@0: and dark hair, her sweet smile, they all painted a picture from long
rlm@0: ago. Sonomi smiled brightly, brushing away some of Tomoyo's dark hair
rlm@0: from her face. “You look so gorgeous, Tomoyo-chan! You’ve grown into
rlm@0: such a lovely young woman. I always knew that you’d surpass Goddesses
rlm@0: in their beauty.” Sonomi watched her daughter as she dug through her
rlm@0: purse for her camera. When was the last time the mother and daughter
rlm@0: had gone to a festival together? She had to have a picture of this.
rlm@0: Tomoyo was practically shining in her kimono. The picture would look
rlm@0: perfect right next to a picture of Nadeshiko in a kimono just a year
rlm@0: or two younger. “I’m going to take a picture, Tomoyo-chan. I want to
rlm@0: be able to look back on tonight.” ‘Especially if you’re leaving,’
rlm@0: Sonomi added glumly as an afterthought. She already knew that Tomoyo
rlm@0: was moving out, but she suspected that her reasons were far more
rlm@0: complex than simply wanting to get out on her own. The pain in
rlm@0: Tomoyo’s eyes was a fairly good indicator to Sonomi of that. She had
rlm@0: come to the conclusion that her daughter wanted to escape the pain,
rlm@0: that she was leaving to try and put it behind her. Sonomi couldn’t
rlm@0: fault her baby girl with that. She had done the same thing when
rlm@0: Nadeshiko had married Fujitaka, leaving shortly after the wedding and
rlm@0: breaking all her ties with the only person she had ever loved. It was
rlm@0: the only way she could survive. She would never have been able to
rlm@0: stay near her cousin while she was happily married to the man who had
rlm@0: stolen her away. She guessed that it was the same for Tomoyo, that
rlm@0: she hoped to outdistance the pain. If only it were that easy. But
rlm@0: Sonomi knew that it may be the only way for Tomoyo to handle the
rlm@0: agony of never having her love returned. 
rlm@0: 	Tomoyo tilted her head to the side, clasping her hands in front of
rlm@0: her as she smiled sweetly. The camera clicked and whirred as Sonomi
rlm@0: took her picture. Time froze in that instant, a single memory frozen
rlm@0: forever on film. The picture of a shattered girl hiding behind her
rlm@0: tattered and unraveling masks, crying helplessly underneath the smile
rlm@0: that she shined out at the camera. Despite her smile, Sonomi would
rlm@0: forever find the picture disturbing, never quite sure what was wrong
rlm@0: with the beautiful picture. When she looked at it long enough, she
rlm@0: would almost be able to see her daughter’s tears, the agony on her
rlm@0: face and the pain in her torn heart. But after a cold chill would
rlm@0: pass down her spine, the image would be gone, replaced once again
rlm@0: with the slightly disturbing picture of Tomoyo smiling in her kimono.
rlm@0: 	And with that, time continued along its inevitable path. Tomoyo
rlm@0: continued to hold her hands in front of her as she and her mother
rlm@0: glanced around curiously at the decorations and the festival goers.
rlm@0: Tomoyo was wearing a delicate teal kimono with dark blue flower petal
rlm@0: designs across it, like flowers floating on a calm ocean. Sonomi’s
rlm@0: kimono was a rust red, multicolored flowers adorning its design as if
rlm@0: bouquets had been sewn into the red fabric. The two Daidouji women
rlm@0: turned several heads as they continued along under the moonlight,
rlm@0: though neither paid any attention. 
rlm@0: 	Sighing inwardly, Sonomi wished that there was some way that she
rlm@0: could take away her daughter’s hurt, that she could assume all of the
rlm@0: dark haired girl’s suffering for herself. Watching Tomoyo slowly
rlm@0: splinter apart was maddening for the already overprotective mother.
rlm@0: It was much more painful to see the most important piece of her life
rlm@0: begin to crack and break apart than it was to deal with her own pain.
rlm@0: With the loss of Nadeshiko she could mourn or fume in anger over the
rlm@0: man who had stolen her precious cousin away from her. But there was
rlm@0: nothing she could do for her delicate daughter. She felt trapped by
rlm@0: her own helplessness, and it was suffocating her. As Tomoyo’s mother,
rlm@0: it was impossible for her not to feel the torment of her baby girl.
rlm@0: Having lived through the same pain herself, Sonomi would give
rlm@0: anything to take it away from her daughter. Then she would have
rlm@0: something to fight, something that she could actually do to fix the
rlm@0: situation. It wasn’t fair that Tomoyo’s heart was just as doomed as
rlm@0: her mother’s to an eternity of loneliness. What had the young woman
rlm@0: done to deserve such an agonizing fate? Who had she ever wronged?
rlm@0: Tomoyo had been nothing but selfless in her love for Sakura. She
rlm@0: deserved her storybook ending and it tore at Sonomi’s heart to see
rlm@0: that denied to her little girl. 
rlm@0: 	What made the situation all the more unbearable for the head of the
rlm@0: Daidouji household was that it was Sakura behind her daughter’s
rlm@0: suffering. Cute, genki, innocent Sakura-chan. Sonomi had only the
rlm@0: highest regards of Sakura for years. The sweet little schoolgirl had
rlm@0: brightened her life nearly as much as she had brightened Tomoyo’s.
rlm@0: And the fact that she was Nadeshiko’s daughter was not lost on
rlm@0: Sonomi. Even if there were more similarities between Nadeshiko and
rlm@0: Tomoyo than between Nadeshiko and her actual daughter, Sonomi had
rlm@0: always managed to catch a glimpse of Sakura’s mother in her. And she
rlm@0: had always been such a delight to have around. Sonomi understood
rlm@0: completely how her daughter had fallen in love with the spirited and
rlm@0: somewhat naïve woman. So it pained her all the more to know that
rlm@0: Sakura was the one that caused her daughter’s tears again and again.
rlm@0: It was almost a contradiction that such a sweetly lovable girl like
rlm@0: Sakura would be capable of the brutal pain that battered Tomoyo’s
rlm@0: heart. This same contradiction was what confused Sonomi’s own
rlm@0: thoughts. She thought very highly of Sakura. Cared very much for the
rlm@0: young woman, in fact, as Nadeshiko’s daughter, the one Tomoyo loved,
rlm@0: and as a wonderful girl in her own right. But Sonomi was also
rlm@0: fiercely protective of those she cared about, and with Nadeshiko
rlm@0: gone, the one that took highest priority on her list was her gentle
rlm@0: daughter, Tomoyo. And seeing Sakura causing such devastation to her
rlm@0: daughter was something that she simply couldn’t forgive. Yet she
rlm@0: couldn’t bring herself to hate Sakura. Not in the same way that she
rlm@0: hated Fujitaka, the girl’s father. She genuinely liked Sakura and was
rlm@0: always pleasantly charmed by her company. She had been nearly as
rlm@0: captivated by the brunette as her daughter always was. So it was very
rlm@0: difficult for her to sort out these conflicting feelings. 
rlm@0: 	But seeing the painful shards in Tomoyo’s usually deep and soulful
rlm@0: indigo eyes had pushed Sonomi to reevaluate her feelings towards the
rlm@0: Cardmistress. How could Sakura treat her daughter’s heart as if it
rlm@0: was some mere trinket? Something that she could ignore and take for
rlm@0: granted? Such an act showed just how terribly Sakura had failed her
rlm@0: best friend and Sonomi’s one and only daughter. Anyone who could
rlm@0: bring tears to Tomoyo’s lovely eyes was guilty of a terrible sin to
rlm@0: the dark haired beauty. Yet Tomoyo could never bring herself to be
rlm@0: angry with Sakura, could never fault the brunette’s naivete for the
rlm@0: pain it caused her. On the other hand, her mother wasn’t quite as
rlm@0: forgiving. ‘Sonomi-chan, you’re not still mad at him, are you?’
rlm@0: Nadeshiko’s voice gently chided, deep from within Sonomi’s memories.
rlm@0: As always, it was accompanied by the most dazzling of smiles, of
rlm@0: which one always graced Nadeshiko’s beautiful features. Nadeshiko was
rlm@0: so much like her daughter in that way. Never one to get angry, even
rlm@0: when she had every right to be, always having such a remarkably
rlm@0: touching faith that things would turn out all right. But Sonomi was
rlm@0: starting to fear that her daughter was losing that faith. And with
rlm@0: it, her daughter’s soul began to crumble like a house of cards.
rlm@0: ‘Yes... Yes, I’m still angry with him, Nadeshiko-chan... But not just
rlm@0: for beating me at track the time when you said that. No, I will never
rlm@0: forgive him for stealing everything from me. Most importantly, for
rlm@0: taking you away. And now his daughter’s doing the same thing to my
rlm@0: baby girl,’ Sonomi mentally replied to her cousin’s question from
rlm@0: years long past. Her eyes narrowed as she once again saw the familiar
rlm@0: features of the man that had managed to single handedly ruin her
rlm@0: life. To her surprise, his face shifted into someone else entirely.
rlm@0: Tilting her head to the side, Sakura smiled sweetly.
rlm@0: 	Nearly backpedaling from the sight, Sonomi was relieved to see that
rlm@0: it had only been her imagination. A young girl stared at her
rlm@0: awkwardly for a moment before running off to find her mother. Placing
rlm@0: her hand on her chest, the business woman began to breathe deeply,
rlm@0: trying to relax her thunderously beating heart. It had only been her
rlm@0: already overworked mind playing along with her thoughts. Not that she
rlm@0: needed that at the moment. She was too busy trying to... “Tomoyo-
rlm@0: chan?” Turning around, Sonomi tried to catch a glimpse of her
rlm@0: daughter but to no avail. While she had been lost in her thoughts,
rlm@0: Tomoyo had disappeared. Panic gripped at the business woman’s heart
rlm@0: as she scanned the crowds for any sign of pale skin or lavender hair.
rlm@0: Though Tomoyo was a young woman now and capable of taking care of
rlm@0: herself, Sonomi felt the irrational fear that she would never see her
rlm@0: cherished daughter again. Her mind quickly reassured her that it
rlm@0: simply wasn’t the case, but it was cold comfort. And she was
rlm@0: generally one to listen to her feelings over her thoughts. And her
rlm@0: feelings were telling her that something was terribly wrong. That she
rlm@0: had to hurry to her daughter’s side before it was too late. But what
rlm@0: would she be too late for?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	Tomoyo walked silently out into a clearing, devoid of anything but
rlm@0: the soft sparkle of fireflies as they lit the sky around her. A
rlm@0: small, sad smile crossed her lips in remembrance of watching Sakura
rlm@0: catch the Glow Card out on a similar night. Those tiny little
rlm@0: floating lights in the air were so similar to the Clow Card’s own
rlm@0: gentle glow. Sakura had been so happy that night, spending time with
rlm@0: her crush at the time, Yukito Tsukishiro, under the moonlight. And
rlm@0: Tomoyo had been more than happy to watch the two of them from the
rlm@0: safety of some bushes, delighting in Sakura’s cute blush and the
rlm@0: brunette’s ecstasy of spending time with the snow rabbit. Why wasn’t
rlm@0: that enough for her anymore? Why couldn’t she be content to watch
rlm@0: Sakura’s life through a camcorder lens the way she always had? 
rlm@0: 	Fanren’s words returned to Tomoyo in answer to her unspoken
rlm@0: question. Because her own heart was always pouring out love to
rlm@0: Sakura, it was empty inside. And her brittle heart was collapsing
rlm@0: under its own weight. She couldn’t continue to watch Sakura married
rlm@0: and living a life that really didn’t need her. Tomoyo was only human.
rlm@0: Even she couldn’t handle watching the one she loved forever in love
rlm@0: with someone else. It only made her own lonely heart cry out even
rlm@0: more into the moonlight, making it ache incessantly more. It had been
rlm@0: what she wanted, to make Sakura happy by any means necessary. And she
rlm@0: had given up Sakura to Syaoran in the hopes that he could make her
rlm@0: happy. “As long as the one I love is happy, it doesn’t matter if they
rlm@0: love me,” Tomoyo whispered, repeating words from a happier childhood.
rlm@0: And it was true, she wanted Sakura to be happy above all else. But
rlm@0: seeing it, actually watching Sakura’s new happy life unfold, it only
rlm@0: made the loneliness in Tomoyo’s heart more poignant, more acute. Her
rlm@0: love for Sakura actually made it infinitely worse for her because it
rlm@0: just reinforced the emptiness in her heart. Knowing that the most
rlm@0: important person in her life no longer needed her, that she was no
rlm@0: longer necessary was a chilling revelation. With that, all purpose
rlm@0: from her life seemed to disappear like mist on a sunny morning. She
rlm@0: had devoted so much of her life to Sakura that the prospect of no
rlm@0: longer being useful to the brunette was devastating. But even then,
rlm@0: at least she would be able to watch Sakura. But even that was beyond
rlm@0: her now. Every time that Sakura came to her about her husband, about
rlm@0: her happy new life, it hurt her. It hurt her to know that she was not
rlm@0: a part of it, that she could never be a part of it. To see the two of
rlm@0: them in love, to know that Sakura’s love was for someone else alone,
rlm@0: it left her frail and weak. She now knew why her mother had left when
rlm@0: Nadeshiko had gotten married. It was simply too painful to stay and
rlm@0: watch the one you love while they love another. 
rlm@0: 	Tomoyo had wrestled with her feelings about leaving for quite a
rlm@0: while before that, so she understood what lay behind them. Her fear
rlm@0: of ruining Sakura’s happy life and her need to get away from the pain
rlm@0: that haunted her while she remained in Sakura’s life had all played a
rlm@0: part in her decision. She already regretted her decision terribly,
rlm@0: but knew that she really had no other choice. To stay in Sakura’s
rlm@0: life would be to invite disaster. If she didn’t ruin the brunette’s
rlm@0: marriage when Sakura discovered her feelings, her heart would die
rlm@0: from remaining to watch it all. So this was for the best. But somehow
rlm@0: that knowledge did little to comfort the lavender haired heiress. She
rlm@0: would never see Sakura again, even if it was the only way out. Tears
rlm@0: began to trickle down her cheeks as she held herself in the cold
rlm@0: night. That was the way it always was. She was all alone, holding her
rlm@0: feelings inside. And it was the way things always would be. A life
rlm@0: devoid of Sakura felt incredibly empty, like life in a vacuum. But
rlm@0: wasn’t that what her videotape collection was for? Somehow those
rlm@0: collections of frozen images and captured memories felt poorly
rlm@0: inadequate now. She wanted the real Sakura. She longed for her touch,
rlm@0: for her soft voice and her beautifully hopeful eyes. The videotapes
rlm@0: were now a painful reminder of what she could never have, of what she
rlm@0: would never again behold. Yet they were her only taste left of
rlm@0: Sakura. Her last great treasure. Even if they were bittersweet, they
rlm@0: were beautiful moments with Sakura, captured forever on videotape. So
rlm@0: she would always have them to drown in, beautiful memories to
rlm@0: surround herself with. They would make a wonderful coffin, one of
rlm@0: cute moments, dizzying costumes, and the always energetic Sakura. And
rlm@0: she could bury herself in them. 
rlm@0: 	That had felt like her only means of escape, her only way to
rlm@0: survive without Sakura. But now she had to wonder if even that would
rlm@0: be enough. Her life felt woefully empty without the captivating
rlm@0: brunette. And she knew that nothing, not even her videotapes, could
rlm@0: ever truly replace her. Of course, that was never what the videos
rlm@0: were intended for. They were her documentary of Sakura, her footage
rlm@0: of time long ago, more like memories than anything else. And just
rlm@0: like memories, they paled in comparison to the real thing. 
rlm@0: So just how could she survive a life without Sakura? Her stormy blue
rlm@0: eyes closed, her braided hair fluttering around in the biting breeze
rlm@0: as she tried to concentrate on just what a life might entail. The
rlm@0: wind whispered in her ear as the fireflies continued their endless
rlm@0: dance up above her. Sound could be heard in the distance as the
rlm@0: festival continued for those merry enough to join in. Nothing... She
rlm@0: could see nothing. It was as if her life’s journey ended once she was
rlm@0: without Sakura. And even if she continued on with such a life, what
rlm@0: meaning would their be to it? What possible purpose could it serve?
rlm@0: Like a clock that had wound down, it would be cold and meaningless.
rlm@0: Just like her masks, it would be pretty, but absolutely false. It
rlm@0: would be empty. Is a life lived merely for the sake of living really
rlm@0: worth living at all? Would it not be better to join Sakura’s mother
rlm@0: up in the skies above, to watch down on Sakura and her mother rather
rlm@0: than to continue forward helplessly alone and lost in the dark?
rlm@0: “Tomoyo-chan!! There you are!” Sonomi called out as she hurried to
rlm@0: meet her daughter in the clearing. She smiled in relief, glad to see
rlm@0: that her daughter was in no trouble after all. But a closer glance
rlm@0: made her rethink that. She could see wet tears on her daughter’s
rlm@0: cheeks, though the pale girl quickly wiped them away with the sleeve
rlm@0: of her kimono. Perhaps she was in no physical danger, but Sonomi was
rlm@0: beginning to think that was the least of her problems. “Tomoyo-chan,
rlm@0: what’s wrong?” she asked quietly, her hands resting on the dark
rlm@0: haired woman’s shoulders. 
rlm@0: Tomoyo didn’t meet her mother’s gaze for a long moment, and it took
rlm@0: all of her strength to attempt a smile as she finally turned to look
rlm@0: at Sonomi. “It’s nothing. I’m fine, okaa-sama,” she said quietly. But
rlm@0: she knew at once that she had failed miserably. Sonomi didn’t look
rlm@0: the least bit swayed by her words, concern etched on her face. 
rlm@0: 	“Tomoyo-chan, I’m your mother. I know that’s not true. Please, tell
rlm@0: me what’s wrong. I need to know,” Sonomi whispered. She cupped
rlm@0: Tomoyo’s chin when the younger girl tried to avert her gaze, stormy
rlm@0: blue eyes meeting stormy blue eyes. 
rlm@0: 	The dark haired girl balked at first, unsure of what to say to her
rlm@0: mother. Explanations popped to mind, all specifically tailored to
rlm@0: diffuse her mother’s worry. But she felt too weak to use any of them.
rlm@0: With a sobbing breath, Tomoyo let go of her masks, their remains
rlm@0: shattering uselessly in the wind. “I don’t know how to say goodbye,”
rlm@0: the pale heiress whispered as fresh tears made their way down her
rlm@0: cheeks and past Sonomi’s waiting hand. Her whole body felt consumed
rlm@0: with despair, eating away at every bit of her soul. She had failed at
rlm@0: protecting those she cared about with her masks, first in front of
rlm@0: Sakura and now with her mother. She could only hope that her masks
rlm@0: had held when writing her last letter to Sakura, but the brunette was
rlm@0: probably still angry with her or at least confused about why Tomoyo
rlm@0: would leave. And Tomoyo would understand if Sakura was angry with
rlm@0: her. As long as Sakura was happy in her new life, it didn’t matter.
rlm@0: But she didn’t have that same safeguard with her mother. She knew
rlm@0: that leaving could very well hurt her mother terribly. And when she
rlm@0: left, her mother wouldn’t have the one she loved and a happy new life
rlm@0: to fall back on. Which is why she had tried so hard not to worry her
rlm@0: mother with her departure. She had never wanted to hurt the older
rlm@0: woman. It’s just that she couldn’t stay any longer. She was too
rlm@0: consumed with grief. She had to get away. It would only hurt her
rlm@0: mother if she stayed. 
rlm@0: 	Sonomi smiled softly, her own eyes glittering with tears as her
rlm@0: hands moved to Tomoyo’s tear stained cheeks. “Oh, Tomoyo-chan... Is
rlm@0: that what this is about?” She shook her head, laughing slightly. It
rlm@0: was a pained sound, but it was honest. “I understand, my little girl.
rlm@0: I know you have to put all of this behind you. I know that you can’t
rlm@0: stay and let the pain devour you. I did the same thing when I left
rlm@0: Nadeshiko-chan when she got married. I couldn’t stay. Even now, I
rlm@0: have so many regrets about that. I only saw her for such a brief time
rlm@0: before she died. I missed out on so many years of her life. But I
rlm@0: don’t think I could have survived if I had stayed there with her
rlm@0: during her marriage to Fujitaka. The human heart just isn’t made to
rlm@0: handle that kind of pain. I don’t think I would have survived at all
rlm@0: if it hadn’t been for you, Tomoyo-chan. You gave me a reason to live.
rlm@0: You were my sweet little girl. You were the one person that I could
rlm@0: always love and cherish, who I knew would forever be a part of me.”
rlm@0: Tears of her own fell down her cheeks, though she continued to smile
rlm@0: at her quietly sobbing daughter. “And I thank you so much for that.
rlm@0: You gave me so much in life that I thought had been lost forever. I
rlm@0: was so consumed by sorrow and anger that I had forgotten the things
rlm@0: that make life worth living. You brought them all back to me. So I
rlm@0: understand if you have to flee all of this. I was happy to try and
rlm@0: keep you with me as long as I could, even if I knew this was
rlm@0: inevitable. You have to let a baby bird fly free some day. Just like
rlm@0: my angel, Nadeshiko-chan. I couldn’t protect her forever. And even
rlm@0: though I wish dearly that I could always protect you, Tomoyo-chan, I
rlm@0: know that I can’t.” 
rlm@0: 	Tomoyo’s mind spun as she considered the similarities between
rlm@0: herself and her mother’s cousin. ‘I want to be an angel,’ she thought
rlm@0: to herself. Oh, to be able to soar above this mortal coil, to escape
rlm@0: the anguish that now seemed a permanent aspect of life, to be able to
rlm@0: watch Sakura and protect her, it all sounded like a dream. But there
rlm@0: was a darker side to her mother’s words. And Tomoyo felt them
rlm@0: instantly. She hugged her mother tightly, still crying weakly against
rlm@0: the slightly taller woman. “But I don’t want to leave you like that.
rlm@0: I know how much it hurt you when you lost her. I would never want to
rlm@0: hurt you like that, okaa-sama... Sometimes I think you’re the only
rlm@0: person who ever really knew me.” She closed her eyes tightly, trying
rlm@0: to stop the onslaught of fresh tears. “You always understood how I
rlm@0: felt about Sakura-chan. You know how much it hurts not to be with the
rlm@0: one you love. I don’t want to leave you, but...”
rlm@0: 	Silencing her daughter with a kiss on her forehead, Sonomi hugged
rlm@0: Tomoyo tightly. “Shhh... I know. I know.” The older woman smiled
rlm@0: softly. “Not that you didn’t make it difficult enough to know you.
rlm@0: You always did have a tendency to hide your feelings when you didn’t
rlm@0: want to burden someone. But you’re my little girl, so I had to see
rlm@0: through it.” She paused, brushing Tomoyo’s hair out of her eyes. “I
rlm@0: don’t want you to hurt like this, Tomoyo-chan. I don’t want to see
rlm@0: you so heartbroken. And if leaving is the only way that you can heal
rlm@0: your broken heart, then I have to accept that. But please... If you
rlm@0: can ever come back, or even if you could just write me a letter to
rlm@0: know what my darling daughter has been up to...” Her voice trailed
rlm@0: off.
rlm@0: 	Tomoyo burst into pain wracked sobs, clutching onto her mother. She
rlm@0: couldn’t even promise that she could send her a letter. How could she
rlm@0: just abandon her mother like that? But Sonomi was right. She couldn’t
rlm@0: stay. She had to fade away. She had to disappear before it was too
rlm@0: late for everyone. “I’m so sorry, okaa-sama...” Tomoyo got out
rlm@0: between sobs, her head resting on Sonomi’s shoulder.
rlm@0: Standing there, holding onto her daughter, Sonomi finally made her
rlm@0: decision. She hated Sakura. She hated the girl for all she had done
rlm@0: to her daughter, for all of the anguish she had caused her only
rlm@0: child. Holding Tomoyo tightly, Sonomi could only rock back and forth,
rlm@0: humming a gentle lullaby that she used to sing to Tomoyo when she was
rlm@0: only a child. She only wished that it still held the same power to
rlm@0: put the dark haired girl into a peaceful slumber. Standing in the
rlm@0: moonlight, surrounded by fireflies, the mother and daughter cried
rlm@0: together. Over lost love, over the end of the beginning, and over the
rlm@0: death of hope.  
rlm@0: