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1 Dear Sakura
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2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
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3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
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5
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6
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7 Dear Tomoyo-chan,
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8
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9 At our house there is a vine in the garden. It has been there for
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10 many years, since I was a child. Most people do not pay attention to
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11 it, for it looks like a dead bush, and is overshadowed by the many
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12 gaudy flowers around. it. It is called a "peniocereus gregii", or
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13 Night-Blooming Cereus. When I was six, my Mother told me about this
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14 flower. She told me because I was not happy so much about my
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15 appearance. I did not feel as pretty as my sisters at the time, and
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16 was sad. So, Mother took me into the garden and showed me this most
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17 pathetic looking little plant. I remember this surprisingly well. She
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18 asked me, "Fanren, what do you see here?" I told her I saw a plain
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19 looking plant. She answered, "You see with the eyes of a fool, who
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20 looks once and knows nothing. Watch this plant at night". In our
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21 family, when Mother speaks it is wise to listen. This is true in many
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22 Chinese households, you know, but is especially true in ours. I could
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23 tell you many amusing stories about this.
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24
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25 So, in the middle of summer, with no school to worry about, I went
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26 into the garden each night to watch the plant. There was nothing much
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27 to see, but I was not only obedient, but also very curious. Then one
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28 night, a thing most amazing happened. I had nearly fallen asleep when
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29 I noticed the little buds on the twiggy stems seemed to have moved.
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30 To my wonder and astonishment, they blossomed that night into the
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31 most beauteous flowers I have ever seen. They were like pale stars
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32 with a golden center, delicate and intricate with a fragrant scent
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33 that wafted over the entire garden. I stared at them all night, at
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34 that beauty which had been hidden during the day. How easy it would
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35 have been to miss them entirely. It was magical to share that warm
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36 summer night with the beautiful flowers, but with the first ray of
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37 light at dawn the petals withered and the blossoms dropped to the
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38 ground. That morning I talked to Mother, and told her of the wonder I
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39 had seen. I asked her if it would bloom again that night, for I very
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40 much wanted to see it once more. She shook her head, and said the
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41 plant only bloomed one night every year. She said that sometimes the
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42 most radient beauty is hidden away, and can only be seen by those
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43 with patient hearts.
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44
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45 This was a good lesson for me, as I was not a patient girl. I am
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46 still not the most patient of women, as my family would no doubt tell
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47 you. So perhaps this lesson did not work as well as Mother may have
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48 intended. But what I have always remembered is the surprise of seeing
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49 such beauty so unexpectedly. I felt that delightful surprise when I
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50 first saw you and Sakura-chan at our house those many years ago.
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51 Aiyaaa, I do not think I have ever seen such adorable girls in all of
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52 my life. And then, to my astonishment, there was Sakura's brother and
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53 his most attractive companion. Such splendor was enough to break
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54 one's heart. I felt like this again during your most recent visit. I
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55 knew from the picture that Sakura-chan showed me that you were very
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56 beautiful. I thought surely you were a model, or perhaps an actress.
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57 But I was not quite prepared for you in person. Tomoyo-chan, I was
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58 enchanted.
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59
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60 Mother can be very cruel, for when I told her this she said I am
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61 always being enchanted. She is maybe perhaps right, I suppose. Mother
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62 says I am too fickle, and like a bee dance about from flower to
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63 flower, never working hard enough to gather any pollen. Or perhaps
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64 she is frustrated that I have never married. But you are a flower
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65 this little bee has been unable to forget. You are of course a most
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66 beautiful woman. I do not have skill enough with words in this
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67 language to speak of it properly. But seeing you kept me up at night,
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68 and I longed to be with you. I have known many beautiful girls and
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69 women, but most of them are tedious. Often their attractiveness is
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70 dimmed by their vanity, and I quickly grow tired of their
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71 companionship. But your company was delightful. You are bright, and
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72 charming, and most witty. Your loveliness is so natural, as if you
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73 were blithely unaware of it. Somehow that only makes you more
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74 attractive.
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75
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76 I am sorry. I have been writing this while looking at pictures of
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77 you Sakura has given me. They are quite terribly distracting, and I
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78 should put them away so that I may finish this letter. But I will
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79 not, because they are wonderful to look at. Thank you so very much
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80 for them. Anyway, I quite fell under your spell. I appreciate that
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81 you are telling me that you are bound to Sakura-chan. However, I
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82 could see this for myself, as you look at her with such tender
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83 regard. It is curious, because from the way Sakura-chan talked about
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84 you, I had assumed the two of you were once lovers. She speaks of you
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85 with such affection and awe. But oddly, she later seemed quite
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86 perplexed by what I was hinting at. She is most deliciously cute when
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87 she is confused about things, is she not? I was even further baffled
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88 myself when I saw the two of you together during your visit. Your
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89 love was most charmingly evident, but she did not seem to quite
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90 understand it all. It was very baffling to me, though perhaps I
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91 understand more now after your letters. Yet I wonder if anyone really
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92 knows Sakura-chan's heart just now?
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93
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94 Thank you for your most forthright honesty. Though it is beautiful,
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95 it saddens me somewhat that your love is so constant. I myself feel a
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96 longing for you, and know your presence would brighten life up quite
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97 a bit. But most of all I am sad for your heart that has no rest, and
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98 knows such pain. Sakura herself is in a turmoil these days. She is
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99 always talking about you, and sighs when she speaks your name. I have
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100 heard her crying at night, in the kitchen and the garden. She misses
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101 you so, and is much like a little lost child without her mother. I
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102 hope that all goes well with your plan to fade away from her life.
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103 What you say is very logical indeed, and must certainly be true. But
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104 hearts are strange, and sometimes what we think does not seem to
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105 matter to them. They are impertinent, and have their own way of
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106 things. Maybe I am sympathetic with hearts, for they are like me bit,
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107 yes?
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108
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109 Being with you was a most delightful surprise, for if our meeting
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110 was as brief as the Cereus blossom, it was also as beautiful. I will
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111 pray for you and Sakura-chan at the temple today. May all the gods
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112 and spirits protect your hearts.
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113
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114
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115 My best regards,
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116
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117 Fanren
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118
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119 PS- I will be in Tokyo next year, and will most gladly accompany you
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120 to the local clubs in Tomoeda. Aiyaaa, I cannot wait to dance with
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121 you!
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122
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123
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124 Dear Fanren-san,
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125 What you said about the Night-Blooming Cereus was beautiful. Ieran-
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126 sama is a very wise and knowledgable woman. It's true that if your
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127 heart is patient enough, you can find the most stunning beauty. I'm
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128 very lucky that it didn't take me long to find it. But it certainly
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129 caught me by surprise. I had never dreamed that I would discover such
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130 a gorgeous creature on this planet, not just in her appearance, but
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131 also in her shining spirit. It was almost too much for me at the
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132 time. I remember coming home and lying in my bed, staring up at the
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133 ceiling in amazement, my heart lost in confusion at the sheer bliss
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134 that the cute girl at school had stirred within me. I didn't get much
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135 sleep that night. Actually, I haven't gotten much sleep since that
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136 night. There have always been costumes I have designed just so I
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137 could see her in them, videotapes to watch her actions from times
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138 long since passed, and thoughts of her to keep me from sleep's gentle
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139 embrace.
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140 But you are right. Patience is necessary to see the beauty that is
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141 so often hidden right in front of us. I know that patience certainly
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142 helped with Sakura-chan. Sometimes it takes her a while to understand
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143 things, but I was happy to wait for realization to dawn upon her,
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144 helping her gently along the way. You're also right about how cute
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145 Sakura-chan can be when she's confused. I always loved seeing her
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146 like that. In the end, Sakura-chan always wound up fixing things. She
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147 has an awe-inspiring determination that is really unstoppable when it
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148 comes out. I don't know if you've had a chance to see it, but her
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149 eyes sparkle like emeralds when it takes hold of her.
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150 Thank you for letting me tell you all this. I can't tell Sakura-
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151 chan because I don't want to burden her with any of it. It has helped
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152 quite a bit to be able to talk to you. I don't think you're fickle at
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153 all. I think that your heart wanders. But when you find the right
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154 person, the one who holds your heart, then it will stop its journey.
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155 I hope that you find this person soon. You are a very delightful
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156 woman and I think anyone would be extremely lucky to have your
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157 company.
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158 I'm sending this at the same time as I send my final letter to
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159 Sakura-chan. It pains me so much to do so, but I know I have to. The
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160 thought that I'll never see her again tears at my heart. It was so
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161 hard to see through the tears while I wrote it. I'm lucky I didn't
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162 have to tell Sakura-chan in person because I don't think I could
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163 have. I already miss her terribly. My heart will always belong to
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164 her, no matter where she is. Please keep an eye on her for me. Her
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165 happiness means everything to me. I can't stay or I'll ruin that
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166 happiness. If she continues looking, she may unravel her new life
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167 because of me. I couldn't bear to see her lose all of that. And even
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168 if she quit searching, I don't think my heart would last much longer
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169 if I stayed in her life. I wanted to fade out slower, to disappear so
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170 that I would only be a distant memory to her. But I can't. I'm afraid
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171 that everything is too close to the edge. I have to leave her life
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172 now before it's too late. But it hurts so badly. It feels like I'm
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173 leaving a piece of myself behind. I will always love her. That's why
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174 I have to fade away.
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175 Fanren-san, thank you again for all of your help. I look forward to
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176 seeing you in Japan someday. Perhaps you can tell me what has become
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177 of Sakura by then. Right now I would love to dance. I'll always
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178 remember it as such a beautiful activity, a song of hearts. Thank you.
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179
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180 Sincerely,
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181 Daidouji Tomoyo |
