rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Love is the Crooked Thing
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: By G. P.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Comments can be sent to the author at: treeandleaf2002@yahoo.com
rlm@2: Note: All characters and names are copyright CLAMP. This work is in
rlm@2: no way meant to infringe upon their intellectual property rights.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: BROWN PENNY by William Butler Yeats
rlm@2:  
rlm@2: I WHISPERED, "I am too young," 
rlm@2: And then, "I am old enough"; 
rlm@2: Wherefore I threw a penny 
rlm@2: To find out if I might love. 
rlm@2: "Go and love, go and love, young man, 
rlm@2: If the lady be young and fair." 
rlm@2: Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, 
rlm@2: I am looped in the loops of her hair. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: O love is the crooked thing, 
rlm@2: There is nobody wise enough 
rlm@2: To find out all that is in it, 
rlm@2: For he would be thinking of love 
rlm@2: Till the stars had run away 
rlm@2: And the shadows eaten the moon. 
rlm@2: Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, 
rlm@2: One cannot begin it too soon.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2:  
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Drawing a deep breath, pursing her lips in hesitant uncertainty,
rlm@2: Sakura flicked the clasp of The Book. Like a shot, the click
rlm@2: resounded loudly in the dimly lit room. Glancing up nervously, half-
rlm@2: expecting the entire household to come running, Sakura let out a
rlm@2: long, shaky sigh,.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Hoeeee, should I be doing this?"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: And without Kero to help, too. Another wave of ambivalence swept her
rlm@2: pajama-clad form as she hugged herself tightly in the chill night
rlm@2: air. For almost a month, she had been in turmoil, a gripping, minute-
rlm@2: to-minute whirlwind of heartsick emotion. Knitting her brow, Sakura
rlm@2: concentrated on the cards, willing them to come forth. Like leaves in
rlm@2: a storm they fluttered from the book, lightly spinning in a
rlm@2: breezeless swirl. Carefully reciting their names, Sakura closed her
rlm@2: eyes, hearing them fall softly to the table. Then, silence.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Blinking her green eyes open, she stared at the two piles neatly
rlm@2: stacked before her. Sakura gently placed the bigger pile back in the
rlm@2: book, closing the cover and clasping the golden latch with a decisive
rlm@2: "snick".
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "All right, how did we do it before? 'Divide 4 with your left hand,
rlm@2: in any order you like'"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: She remembered Kero coaching her the first time, sagely fluttering
rlm@2: about as she arranged the cards. Oneechan had been in terrible
rlm@2: danger, tricked by an illusion of Mirror. She had  felt his danger as
rlm@2: a cold fist gripping her heart, squeezing tightly. The feeling now
rlm@2: was just as intense, but so very different: not cold, but hot, not
rlm@2: sharp and focused, but wild and dizzying. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "There"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: She looked down at the 10 cards, arranged in three neat rows of
rlm@2: three, with one set to the right side. Closing her eyes again, she
rlm@2: began to chant,
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Cards made by Clow, answer my question. Show me the truth of the
rlm@2: situation before me".
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Speaking these last words, her heart fluttered as she drew a quick
rlm@2: breath. Thinking, do I really want to know the truth? For a month she
rlm@2: had not. She had turned away, closed her eyes, and desperately tried
rlm@2: to shut out the feelings that battered against her. Like a frightened
rlm@2: animal she had run, in sheer terror, from her own confused emotions.
rlm@2: But every day those feelings caught her, like baying hounds that
rlm@2: could not be stilled, hot breath on her neck, eagerly flushing her
rlm@2: into the open and cruelly driving her to ground. She shivered again,
rlm@2: sensing a whirling wind above the cards as her chant took effect. Her
rlm@2: auburn-red hair was lifted and tossed as her pajamas rustled and
rlm@2: flapped in the breeze. When the little zephyr died out, she blinked
rlm@2: her eyes open, gazing at the middle card in the top most row.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "This is who is talking to me?"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: With a strangely steady hand, for the nervousness had drained away,
rlm@2: The Mistress of the Cards turned over... The Flower.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Eeeehhhh?"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Puzzled, Sakura stared at the card, a sweat drop forming. Flower?
rlm@2: Not some Card of power and drama, like Dream, or Sword, or Windy?
rlm@2: Flower?! It was more than disappointing, it was…. irritating. For all
rlm@2: the wrenching agony she'd been through in the past weeks, it was
rlm@2: Flower that was talking to her?
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "This can't be right", she mumbled to herself. But it all looked
rlm@2: right, no, it felt right, too. If she didn't know the source of the
rlm@2: feelings that wracked her, she at least knew the Cards. And this was
rlm@2: right. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "OK, Flower. I found you at the School Festival, practically
rlm@2: drowning us in petals. Kero said you like people, and parties, and
rlm@2: fun, and, " Sakura felt a blush creeping up her neck, "and you danced
rlm@2: with me, hee". Hannyann! After the shock wore off it had been kind of
rlm@2: fun, dancing on the rooftop among the scents of a thousand blossoms.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: So, it was Flower that called to her. But looking at the Card,
rlm@2: Sakura could not believe that so gentle a thing could cause such
rlm@2: stormy feelings. With a quick breath, Sakura remembered yesterday in
rlm@2: school. Fidgety in class, the teacher calling her who knows how many
rlm@2: times before she came to, Tomoyo tugging desperately at her sleeve,
rlm@2: smiling as always. She remembered furious words with Li, stomping
rlm@2: away from the puzzled and angry boy. And even Tomoyo! Turning her
rlm@2: back on her very best friend, running away, sobbing. Wiping away the
rlm@2: tears with her pajama sleeve, she remembered the image of Tomoyo,
rlm@2: crushed, hurt beyond measure, clutching her hands tightly as Sakura
rlm@2: raced away from her. Guiltily looking at the pink cell phone, knowing
rlm@2: who had tried to call her all night before turning it off. Thinking,
rlm@2: “Now, I'm even hurting Tomoyo-chan”. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: That's why she had to know, she could not put it off. Not knowing
rlm@2: the feelings that battered her was painful, but now it was hurting 
rlm@2: the people that she loved so dearly. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Well,” she thought, “let's see just who, or what, is behind all of
rlm@2: this.” Looking decisievely at the middle row of cards, she reached
rlm@2: out and turned them over, 1, 2, 3.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The emerald eyes widened as she scanned the cards. This made even
rlm@2: less sense than Flower trying to talk to her. There was nothing sweet
rlm@2: about the agony she had been feeling. Her heart racing and stopping,
rlm@2: flushed hot and cold, dizzy and spinney with a longing that was
rlm@2: tearing her apart. And a Silent Song? That was impossible,
rlm@2: ridiculous. What sort of song can be silent? TV with the sound off?
rlm@2: Karaoke? A broken CD player? But again, the Cards felt right.
rlm@2: Whoever, or whatever, was causing her to suffer was there on the
rlm@2: table, spelled out in three Clow Cards.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Closing her eyes, Sakura concentrated, as hard as she ever had. The
rlm@2: world fell away, room and house and family and friends and the whole
rlm@2: wide world vanishing into an inner darkness. Only three cards in a
rlm@2: black, velvety silence. Concentrate! For untold minutes, her
rlm@2: breathing stilled, heart barely beating, there nothing but the three
rlm@2: cards. All thoughts and feelings drifting away like incense at a
rlm@2: temple, wispy little nothings in the vast dark. And then, she heard it.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: From far, far away, down a tunnel or a tube or a cave, barely
rlm@2: audible in the inky midnight, a voice...no, a song! Sweet beyond
rlm@2: words, charming, alluring, and hauntingly beautiful. Sakura's heart
rlm@2: suddenly pounding, racing away from her as a stormy, thundering
rlm@2: whirlwind ripped apart the darkness, drowning out the faint melody.
rlm@2: With a shuddering gasp, she came to, reeling, dizzy,  the cards on
rlm@2: the table slowly coming into focus:  
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Breathing heavily, her fists in tight little balls, Sakura forced
rlm@2: herself to calm down. Only one more. Pursing her lips, she glanced at
rlm@2: the outside Card, separate, alone in it's own little row. This is the
rlm@2: card that will tell me where. With mounting excitement, she reached
rlm@2: for the card, then hesitated. What would she do when she knew? In a
rlm@2: way, the not knowing was easier. Painful, yes, but not knowing was
rlm@2: easier, safer, and more comfortable, because by not knowing, she did
rlm@2: not have to do anything. With a smile, Sakura suddenly reached for
rlm@2: the final card. She knew herself well enough. When she knew, she
rlm@2: would act. From the very first sounds in the basement, she had faced
rlm@2: whatever came along. Sometimes fearfully, sometimes with a push or a
rlm@2: tug from Kero or Li, but she had met the cards, one by one. Her
rlm@2: little hand reached out, flipping the final card over.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The Maze.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Well, this at least made sense. Total, complete sense. Because
rlm@2: whatever, or whoever, was affecting her so severely was hidden far,
rlm@2: far away. It almost seemed that she had been in a maze herself for
rlm@2: weeks, stumbling up and down one blind alley after another. Fear of
rlm@2: the time she and Li and Tomoyo were trapped in the Maze dissipated as
rlm@2: her confidence burned brightly. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "This is a maze I can understand.” Sakura’s once gentle face was set
rlm@2: with an iron determination. Smiling, she whispered, “Now I'll find
rlm@2: you".
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Standing up, Sakura tightly clasped the Key at her breast.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Oh Key that hides the power of darkness, obey your Mistress”.
rlm@2: Arching over the table, the girl picked up the Maze card and tossed
rlm@2: it in the air as her room dissolved into golden light. Twirling her
rlm@2: staff above her head, Sakura lunged and struck the fluttering card.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Release"!
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Part 2
rlm@2: In the Labyrinth
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Standing at the gaping entrance of the maze, feeling a cool breeze
rlm@2: from the deep dark within, Sakura suddenly wavered as a sickly fear
rlm@2: settled upon her. There would be no help if she entered, no Tomoyo or
rlm@2: Li or Mizuki-sensei to fetch her out. If she went in it was alone,
rlm@2: except for whatever awaited within. Drawing a deep breath, she
rlm@2: stepped lightly across the threshold, the golden light swallowed up
rlm@2: behind her. As her eyes adjusted to the dim contours of the smooth
rlm@2: walls, a sudden thought brought her to an equally sudden stop, 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “And once I’m in, how will I ever get out?” With a quick smile she
rlm@2: drew the Flower Card and flicked it into the air. “Release! And leave
rlm@2: a trail of petals that follows my every step!”
rlm@2: Now, with every step a gentle rain of pink sakura petals marked her
rlm@2: way. Plunging into the darkness, the tiny pajama-clad figure listened
rlm@2: for the haunting strains of Song. But all was silent, save for the
rlm@2: soft shuffling of her own feet. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: On and on she went, sometimes doubling back, sometimes spiraling
rlm@2: around and around as the gray walls curved and looped. Finally, after
rlm@2: what seemed like hours, Sakura slumped against the wall in an
rlm@2: exhausted and frustrated heap.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “I’m going nowhere like this”. She shut her eyes tight, listening,
rlm@2: hearing only silence. “OK, stop walking, and concentrate. Concentrate…”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2:  Three Cards: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: She had heard the Song, sweet and melodic, faint but clear and
rlm@2: compelling. Now, there was only silence. The three cards were keys to
rlm@2: what had plunged her into turmoil for the past month. Her senses,
rlm@2: made keen and sharp by the year of hunting the Cards, could not
rlm@2: detect the presence of a Clow Card in all of this. With analytic
rlm@2: eyes, she turned to the stormy emotions that had beset her
rlm@2: since...since when?
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Since I found out about Yue". 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Yue, the real Yukito; and so coldly different. With a wistful
rlm@2: sadness she recalled lights like falling stars at the festival, a
rlm@2: gentle glance, the lazy arc of a candy thrown from a bike. Her
rlm@2: affection for him was undimmed, but, changed somehow. She shook her
rlm@2: head, jumped up with a start, and began walking again. Since Yue,
rlm@2: there had been an emptiness, a hole in her heart where a chill breeze
rlm@2: blew. But the strange, powerful feelings that wracked her were not
rlm@2: because of Yue, not about him at all. Or, rather, it was because he
rlm@2: was gone that those sweet, painful feelings were unleashed. It was as
rlm@2: if a dam had broken, and a flood of emotion, long bottled up, had
rlm@2: gushed forth sweeping all before it.   
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sweet, painful feelings. She stopped, standing quite still, and
rlm@2: closed her eyes. Sweet feelings? Yes, they were. They hurt, they
rlm@2: hounded her, and they had turned her life inside out. And yet, there
rlm@2: was an intense, breathless sweetness. It was like the delightful
rlm@2: feeling she had had with Yukito, or Mizuki-sensei, hannyann! But
rlm@2: wrapped tightly with a longing, an aching sense of incompleteness,
rlm@2: and an intensity that frightened her as no Clow Card ever had. And
rlm@2: whatever caused it was in here, with her, silent. Whatever, or whoever.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Frustrated, she began walking again, one hand following the smooth,
rlm@2: cool wall, the endless corridors leading nowhere, the petaled path
rlm@2: stretching behind her into the distance. If only she could hear the
rlm@2: song again, she could get her bearings. She thought of Tomoyo-chan's
rlm@2: songs, her sweet voice, and suddenly felt a pang of longing for her
rlm@2: friend. Alone, the auburn haired girl realized how much she missed
rlm@2: the presence of the one who was always  at her side, with her on all
rlm@2: her adventures, waiting for her at school, always with a kindly look,
rlm@2: a gentle touch, and encouraging words.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Tomoyo-chan. The wonder, the miracle of her friendship was something
rlm@2: she often took for granted amid the whirl of the Cards. But here,
rlm@2: alone in the twilight halls, she keenly felt the absence of that
rlm@2: sweet, loving presence. Even her odd obsessions, the costumes and the
rlm@2: videotapes (sweat drop forming), were signs of her love. Then, with a
rlm@2: gasp, Sakura  froze.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Her love. Sakura, mouth open, stared at the ground in stunned
rlm@2: surprise. Her love. The crimson heat of an epochal blush crept up her
rlm@2: neck and shoulders and, like a red tsunami,  overwhelmed her. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "She...she likes me...like that". 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Gripping the staff at her chest with both hands, Sakura stood
rlm@2: breathless. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "She...loves me". Shaking her head furiously, she cried, "Hooeee,
rlm@2: why didn't I see? Why didn't she tell me? Why?"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Closing her eyes, Sakura thought of how unspeakably painful it must
rlm@2: have been for Tomoyo-chan, her most precious gift unseen and
rlm@2: unrecognized. But from Tomoyo, never a reproachful glare, an angry
rlm@2: word, never anything but unbounded, unconditional love. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Baka", exclaimed Sakura, as her tears fell freely, 'How can I have
rlm@2: been so stupid? All this time, she loved me, and I, I didn't even
rlm@2: know. I'm so sorry, Tomoyo-chan, I'm so, so sorry...." Dropping to
rlm@2: her knees, the Mistress of the Cards buried her face in her hands,
rlm@2: sobbing.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: All this time, loving me...silently loving me. Through teary eyes,
rlm@2: Sakura stared into the distance and whispered,
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Silently....loving me?"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: And then, she heard it again. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Louder this time, the song wafted from the center, the very heart of
rlm@2: the maze. Staggering to her feet, Sakura stumbled towards the sound.
rlm@2: Her face, streaked with tears, brightened as she recognized the voice,
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Tomoyo-chan...Tomoyo-chan!"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Racing towards the source of the song, Sakura felt her heart
rlm@2: throbbing from excitment and exertion. All the feelings of the past
rlm@2: month welled up inside her, but focused now, like a laser beam of
rlm@2: light. Now she understood. The roaring tempest within, no longer
rlm@2: angry at her ignorance, throbbed in harmony with her own heart. Now,
rlm@2: at last, she realized who she loved, had always loved, and always
rlm@2: would love for ever and ever and ever.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Tomoyo-chan!"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Ahead, a pale, amythest light shone as the maze began to dissipate
rlm@2: and dissolve. The love song flowed like the burbling water of a
rlm@2: mountain brook, like white-hot lava, like the stars and the suns and
rlm@2: the moons in the black velvet river of the sky. Sobbing, laughing,
rlm@2: delighted, Sakura neared the white shrouded, dark haired singer
rlm@2: bathed in a shimmering, purple glow. Slowly the figure turned to face
rlm@2: her, blue eyes sparkling, smiling.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Sakura-chan?"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Puzzled, smiling, Tomoyo took her friend by the hand, leading her
rlm@2: into the spacious room. A shadow of concern darkened her face as she
rlm@2: squeezed the girl's hand and whispered,
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Sakura-chan, are you all right?"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Catching her breath, blinking as she realized the maze had vanished,
rlm@2: Sakura saw the familiar outlines of her friend's room. Looking at
rlm@2: Tomoyo she smiled, blushed fiercely, then glanced away.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Tomoyo-chan, I...."
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Tomoyo gently held her hands, head tilted to one side, and gazed in
rlm@2: wonder.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Tomoyo-chan, I like you. I...I really like you".
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: With a musical laugh that angels might envy, Tomoyo beamed and
rlm@2: replied,
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "I like you too, Sakura."
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Shaking her head wildly, Sakura squeezed the startled girl's hands
rlm@2: in an iron grip.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "No...NO! I don't mean it like that. I....Tomoyo," Her emerald eyes
rlm@2: flashed fire as she grappled with the words,
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Tomoyo I....I love you. I love you, too"
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: For a long second, Tomoyo's face was a mask of shock and surprise.
rlm@2: Then, smiling through the tears, blue eyes shimmering in unforeseen
rlm@2: joy, her face shone with a radiant, heavenly light. Hand in hand,
rlm@2: eyes locked together, the two friends stood alabaster still. Leaning
rlm@2: closer, Sakura felt a warm breath against her tear-stained cheek.
rlm@2: Eyes closing, her lips lightly brushed against Tomoyo's. Tomoyo
rlm@2: wrapped her arms around Sakura as she returned the kiss with a gentle
rlm@2: passion.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sakura and Tomoyo stood, entwined and oblivious, as Flower gaily
rlm@2: danced above them, showering the lovers in a hurricane of blossoms.  
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Love is the sweet, silent song. And in the maze lies Tomoyo,
rlm@2: waiting, her silent song heard at last by Sakura, who braves the
rlm@2: confusion of the Maze to bring back her one true Love.