rlm@2: Starry, Starry Night
rlm@2: by Amazoness Duo
rlm@2: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Slam. The door slamming shut fails to startle the usually jumpy
rlm@2: Sakura Kinomoto. Perhaps it is because she’s the reason behind it.
rlm@2: Perhaps it is because the day has been far too long for her. Her
rlm@2: genki spirits are drained, strained to their limit. Even her
rlm@2: seemingly boundless energy has limits, apparently. Or perhaps it is
rlm@2: simply that she doesn’t care. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Her shoes lie sloppily by the door, her body slipping them off only
rlm@2: out of years of habit. There they lay, discarded by their mistress as
rlm@2: she limps off towards her room, a broken prince making her way back
rlm@2: to her conquered kingdom. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “I should have known you were home, monster. You make enough noise
rlm@2: to wake the dead,” her brother says from the couch. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: She hardly hears him. Her world is thousands of miles away, a
rlm@2: distant speck in the sky. Everything reaches her from light years
rlm@2: away, travelling an eternity to reach her. For once she doesn’t feel
rlm@2: like arguing. She hasn’t the will to bother. She merely climbs the
rlm@2: stairs, one foot at a time, focussing only on the next step. If her
rlm@2: brother is concerned by her strange behavior, she pays no attention. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Finally returning to her room, the seemingly vanquished Cardmistress
rlm@2: stumbles inside. Her bookbag drops to the floor near her door. She
rlm@2: doesn’t bother changing out of her school uniform. Keeping it nice
rlm@2: and neat, relaxing into something more comfortable, neither matter to
rlm@2: her at the moment. She simply collapses on her bed, her body giving
rlm@2: up its long struggle to reach that point. She lies there, time
rlm@2: standing still. Yet she knows this won’t last. There are more dragons
rlm@2: to slay, after all. There’s still far too much going on for her to
rlm@2: actually rest for long. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The auburn haired girl waits impatiently for the silence to break,
rlm@2: for her rest to come to an abrupt halt. But it continues on, a quiet
rlm@2: purgatory, halfway between peace and the worries that keep stabbing
rlm@2: at her brain for her attention. So apparently Kero isn’t here. She
rlm@2: sighs in relief. She doesn’t think she can deal with the Seal Beast
rlm@2: at the moment. He’s important to her, but she is feeling too
rlm@2: miserable to listen to him right now. He isn’t exactly the best
rlm@2: person to go to when she was feeling like this. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: There was one person who could always help when she was like this.
rlm@2: Who always managed to make sense out of her tangled web of feelings,
rlm@2: sorting it all out with an expert hand, never breaking a single
rlm@2: strand, her gentle touch unraveling the spider’s web in her heart
rlm@2: into a single clear thread. But alas, this sorceress of her heart was
rlm@2: far away now. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Life was so much more difficult without someone to turn to when
rlm@2: things went wrong, without someone to subtly lead her in the right
rlm@2: direction. It wasn’t until Tomoyo was gone that she realized how much
rlm@2: she relied on the other girl. She had never felt this weak and
rlm@2: miserable back when Tomoyo had been in her life. No matter how bad
rlm@2: things got, the eccentric heiress could take away her worries with a
rlm@2: few soft words and usually leave her blushing in the process.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sakura sighs, rolling over onto her back, staring up at her roof. It
rlm@2: was her own fault. She should try harder to stay in touch. But it was
rlm@2: so difficult. Life was so complicated. And Tomoyo always seemed to be
rlm@2: busy with something. And she lived so far away. She had to take a bus
rlm@2: just to reach her house. It had all started when they had entered
rlm@2: high school. Sakura had been surprised when Tomoyo went to a
rlm@2: different high school. She should have known that would happen, but
rlm@2: it still hit her pretty hard. Tomoyo was one of the smartest people
rlm@2: in her class, after all, always getting high marks in everything. But
rlm@2: somehow she had thought Tomoyo would always be there. So they went to
rlm@2: different schools. They both had so much to do. And then Syaoran came
rlm@2: back and Tomoyo got even busier for some reason. It had been quite a
rlm@2: while since Sakura had last seen her dark haired friend. That thought
rlm@2: sends a cold chill through her. She feels guilty and lonely all at
rlm@2: the same time. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Turning her head, Sakura gazes at her phone. Spellbound, she reaches
rlm@2: for it. But she can’t call her. It would only seem like she only came
rlm@2: to her when she needed help. She should wait until this had passed.
rlm@2: So that she could call Tomoyo simply to call her, for nothing else.
rlm@2: Yes, that’s a good idea.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: But it’s too late. The phone is already ringing. Sakura must have
rlm@2: dialed while she was thinking about all that. She must have been more
rlm@2: eager to call than even she had realized. She sits anxiously, her
rlm@2: heart fluttering nervously in her chest. It had been weeks. What
rlm@2: should she say? What will Tomoyo think? What has she been up to? The
rlm@2: phone rings and rings. Sakura breaths a sigh of mixed relief and
rlm@2: disappointment. Tomoyo must not be home. She wants to hear her, but
rlm@2: at least this solves her problem of calling when she can’t handle
rlm@2: things without her friend’s delicate touch. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Moshi moshi,” a soft voice answers on the other end of the phone. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sakura freezes. She doesn’t know how long it is before she answers,
rlm@2: but it feels like a lifetime. She swallows nervously and speaks
rlm@2: haltingly into the phone. “Hi.. ano... Tomoyo-chan? Is.. Are you..
rlm@2: This is Sakura-chan.” She blinks, wondering just how stupid she
rlm@2: sounds. But her thoughts fail her. She can’t think. In panic, she
rlm@2: almost wants to hang up and pretend she didn’t call. Maybe Tomoyo
rlm@2: will think it was a wrong number. Well, if she hadn’t mentioned her
rlm@2: name. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: A small giggle on the other end. “I’d remember your voice anywhere,
rlm@2: Sakura-chan. It’s so wonderful to hear from you again.” Dark hair
rlm@2: gets pushed behind her ear as she repositions the phone. “You sound
rlm@2: just as beautiful as I remember.” A soft sigh. “How have you been,
rlm@2: Sakura-chan?”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “I’ve been all right,” Sakura says, though she certainly doesn’t
rlm@2: feel all right. But it was accurate enough. She may not have been her
rlm@2: best lately, but she could have been much worse, right? “Just busy, I
rlm@2: guess. High school’s a lot harder than I expected. Especially without
rlm@2: you there to help me understand some of the lessons. I probably
rlm@2: wouldn’t have even passed the entrance exams without you helping me
rlm@2: study for them.”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The other girl shakes her head, not believing the praise. “Sakura-
rlm@2: chan would have done just fine on her own. You would have rushed at
rlm@2: the last moment without me, but you would have passed them all just
rlm@2: fine. And I’m sure your father’s still proud of your grades even
rlm@2: without me to help you. You’re very bright, Sakura-chan. You just
rlm@2: don’t pay attention enough to certain things because your mind is
rlm@2: always elsewhere. But I would never want to change that. It’s too
rlm@2: cute to get rid of. So I don’t think anyone would mind if your grades
rlm@2: suffer just a bit because of it. It’s who you are.”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: A small smile plays at Sakura’s lips. She rolls on her side, her
rlm@2: legs pulling up to her stomach. “Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. I guess I
rlm@2: haven’t been paying as much attention as I could. But there’s always
rlm@2: so much to think about. It’s hard to focus on the lessons all the
rlm@2: time.”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Tomoyo giggles. “See? So my Sakura-chan has nothing to worry about.
rlm@2: You’ll do just fine, I promise.”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sakura nods, starting to believe it. “It always feels like that when
rlm@2: I talk to you. Like it really will be all right. ‘Everything will
rlm@2: always be all right,’ ne, Tomoyo-chan?”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Of course it will, Sakura-chan. You just have to keep believing
rlm@2: that. You will make it all work out. That’s your own special type of
rlm@2: magic. Never give up. You can overcome anything. I have faith in you.
rlm@2: I know everything will be all right for you,” Tomoyo replies
rlm@2: comfortingly. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Emerald eyes close, the world slipping away. She holds onto Tomoyo’s
rlm@2: voice, her only anchor to the world. It laps about her like a gentle
rlm@2: wave, caressing away the aches and pains in her heart. “But what
rlm@2: about you?” she asks, not even sure why. But the way Tomoyo said
rlm@2: that... She wants things to work out for her best friend, too. Not
rlm@2: only herself. Otherwise what was the point?
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: There’s a pause on the other end. It’s only for half a second, but
rlm@2: it feels so long for Tomoyo. But when she replies, she sounds like
rlm@2: her normal eccentric self. “If everything is all right for Sakura-
rlm@2: chan, then everything will be fine for me. Because then I’ll know
rlm@2: you’re happy. That’s all I really want.”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sakura swallows painfully, her eyes closing tighter. “Tomoyo-chan...
rlm@2: I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in a while.”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The heiress gingerly brushes away the apology. “Please don’t worry,
rlm@2: Sakura-chan. I know you’ve been busy. Especially with Li-kun back.
rlm@2: You have a lot going on in your life. You finally have a love life
rlm@2: now on top of everything else, after all.” 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: This time it’s Sakura’s turn to pause. She hadn’t known how to
rlm@2: explain that. Or what to say about it. Or even where to begin. “You
rlm@2: know that Li-kun is here?”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Hai,” Tomoyo replies. “Meiling-chan told me. We’ve been keeping in
rlm@2: contact. I’ve been writing her some letters. I think she’s needed
rlm@2: someone to talk to who understands. She isn’t taking Li-kun being in
rlm@2: love with you very well. But don’t worry, Sakura-chan. She’s a strong
rlm@2: girl. She reminds me of my mother. I think she’ll be just fine.” What
rlm@2: Tomoyo doesn’t mention is how her mother had handled the loss of her
rlm@2: own love. If Meiling takes the same path, then she probably won’t
rlm@2: ever be on good terms with Sakura. But there is no point in worrying
rlm@2: the Cardmistress about such things. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “But.. I need you..” Sakura whispers, barely audibly. She feels a
rlm@2: tinge of jealousy that Meiling was getting Tomoyo’s letters, getting
rlm@2: Tomoyo’s support when she wanted it herself. She misses it terribly,
rlm@2: having the dark haired girl there with her, to catch her when she
rlm@2: stumbled, to help push her forward when she wasn’t strong enough
rlm@2: herself. She wasn’t the same without Tomoyo there beside her. Tomoyo
rlm@2: brought out things inside of her that made life so much more amazing.
rlm@2: Life on her own felt so tedious. It was too normal, too boring
rlm@2: without the cute girl videotaping her every movement, whispering
rlm@2: embarrassing things to her, giving her all the love and support she
rlm@2: could need. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Sakura-chan?” 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sakura shakes her head, swallowing again and again to force down the
rlm@2: knot in her throat. She shouldn’t cry now. Tomoyo was her friend. She
rlm@2: didn’t need to worry about her problems when she was so busy. She
rlm@2: tries to speak, but she stops herself, her voice about to break.
rlm@2: She’ll cry if she says something, she knows it.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Sakura-chan?” Tomoyo says, more anxiously this time. “Are you all
rlm@2: right? What’s been happening? What’s wrong?” Her voice is still a
rlm@2: whisper, but now it’s stronger, trying to make sure it gets to
rlm@2: Sakura. Sakura is supposed to be happy now. Things are supposed to be
rlm@2: working out for her. But there are tears laced under Sakura’s words.
rlm@2: Something is bothering her auburn haired friend. And she hadn’t been
rlm@2: there to help it. She had been trying to step back from Sakura’s
rlm@2: life, leaving her in Syaoran’s capable hands. At least, she had
rlm@2: thought they were capable. But if that was the case, why wasn’t
rlm@2: Sakura going to him right now? She wants to reach out and hold the
rlm@2: other girl, but all she can do is wait for the silence to end. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “He’s... I’ve just been...” Sakura swallows again, blinking again
rlm@2: and again. The tears sting at her eyes as she struggles to find her
rlm@2: voice. But she can’t use magic to return it the way she had
rlm@2: recaptured Tomoyo’s voice. Her teary eyes blink open. On her desk she
rlm@2: sees a picture of herself with her boyfriend, his face scowling even
rlm@2: in the picture of the two of them. Just as he always did. Those amber
rlm@2: eyes looking into her own so uncomfortably. But when she closed her
rlm@2: eyes on those starry, starry nights, she didn’t see those amber eyes.
rlm@2: Those eyes could not read her soul. They couldn’t see into her heart.
rlm@2: They didn’t blaze passionately the way the beautiful stormy blue eyes
rlm@2: in her mind did, the ones she gazed into under the moonlight in her
rlm@2: dreams. “Sometimes I wish you had been a boy. Then maybe you would
rlm@2: have fallen in love with me.” Sakura laughs weakly, only half joking.
rlm@2: “You always understood me. You were always there for me. I always
rlm@2: felt safe with you. Like it didn't matter that my feelings were
rlm@2: always so confusing. You helped me sort them out. You took such great
rlm@2: care of my heart. Like it was a delicate treasure.”'
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "I wouldn't need to be a boy to fall in love with you, Sakura-chan,"
rlm@2: Tomoyo's soft voice whispers through the phone. It is so quiet that
rlm@2: Sakura has to strain to hear her now. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The Cardmistress finds herself blushing once again. But this time
rlm@2: she doesn’t try to ignore it. She won’t just push it off this time.
rlm@2: “Really?” she asks, almost desperately. She was afraid what she had
rlm@2: said about Tomoyo being a boy would sound stupid or embarrassing. But
rlm@2: the dark haired girl had soothed away her worries again with her
rlm@2: response. Had, in fact, sprung up some hope in Sakura’s heart. “I
rlm@2: didn’t realize how happy you made me until I stopped seeing you,
rlm@2: Tomoyo-chan. I miss you. I miss you so much.” Sakura feels hot tears
rlm@2: slip down her cheeks as she rolls onto her back again, a hand over
rlm@2: her heart.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Tomoyo blinks weakly. She is having trouble focussing. Everything
rlm@2: feels so hazy and dreamlike. She’s so tired, but she pushes past that
rlm@2: as best she can. A warm smile lights up her face. “I’ve missed you,
rlm@2: too, Sakura-chan. More than you could ever know. You’re all I ever
rlm@2: think about. You always made me happy, too. All of my happiest times
rlm@2: were with you.”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Tomoyo-chan...” Sakura clutches the phone tightly, her heart
rlm@2: rumbling in her chest. There is so much she wants to say, but she
rlm@2: doesn’t even know where to begin. Her feelings are all a jumble, just
rlm@2: as always. But maybe that isn’t such a bad thing. Tomoyo always
rlm@2: understood before. Even when she herself didn’t know what lay in her
rlm@2: heart.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Sakura-chan... I’ll always love you...” Tomoyo whispers sleepily,
rlm@2: her voice barely carrying over the phone. She looks blearily at her
rlm@2: mother’s letter opener, wiping away the fresh blood from it with
rlm@2: weak, numb fingers. The phone ringing had barely managed to catch her
rlm@2: attention after she had used it to etch out a ticket away from her
rlm@2: life. Life without Sakura was too empty. It was like getting a taste
rlm@2: of heaven and then being snatched away, separated from that bliss. It
rlm@2: is so nice to hear Sakura one last time, she thinks tiredly. What a
rlm@2: perfect goodbye present. It’s a good thing that Sakura can’t see her
rlm@2: bloody and in her nightgown in bed. Her poor Cardmistress wouldn’t
rlm@2: take that well at all. So this way, she could find a softer way of
rlm@2: saying goodbye. She tries so hard to keep thinking, but it’s all
rlm@2: getting so much more difficult. Her room seems so far away. The last
rlm@2: thing she hears is Sakura’s beautiful voice ringing in her ears. The
rlm@2: voice of an angel. Her angel.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: And as always, Tomoyo somehow hands Sakura the missing piece. Things
rlm@2: slowly begin to fit. A beautiful picture begins to take shape, it’s
rlm@2: implications almost too much for Sakura to take in all at once. No,
rlm@2: she hadn’t been in love with Syaoran after all. He wasn’t the one who
rlm@2: nurtured her heart, who shared her deepest joys and darkest sorrows.
rlm@2: He wasn’t the one who loved her for all that she was. The puzzle
rlm@2: slowly completed itself in her mind’s eye. It held a gorgeous picture
rlm@2: of a girl with deep blue eyes and snow white skin, dark hair flowing
rlm@2: about her. Tomoyo. It had always been Tomoyo. That’s why her life
rlm@2: wasn’t working without her. She truly does need the dark haired
rlm@2: heiress. More than she could possibly imagine. “I love you, too,
rlm@2: Tomoyo-chan...” she answers, her cheeks red. It feels so freeing to
rlm@2: say it, to let it out. Yes, she loves her. Boy or not. It didn’t
rlm@2: matter. Tomoyo completed her life. Without her, everything was chaos.
rlm@2: She waits anxiously for Tomoyo’s reply, but nothing comes. The phone
rlm@2: slowly slips away from the dark haired girl’s dead fingers,
rlm@2: clattering to the floor. “Tomoyo-chan?” Sakura asks. No response.
rlm@2: “Tomoyo-chan?” Perhaps Tomoyo had fallen asleep. She had sounded so
rlm@2: tired on the phone, so weak and quiet. Yes, that’s it. Sakura listens
rlm@2: intently, but she can’t even hear Tomoyo’s gentle breathing on the
rlm@2: other end. “Tomoyo-chan?” Still nothing. It’s as if the world has
rlm@2: gone silent on the other end of the phone.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: “Tomoyo-chan? I love you...”
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Click.