rlm@2: Lonely, Lonely Heart
rlm@2: by Amazoness Duo
rlm@2: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The wind was picking up. The radio had said there would be a storm
rlm@2: hitting soon. Often the news can be mistaken about such things, but
rlm@2: Sonomi had no doubt that this time they were correct. Which is why
rlm@2: she had hurried as quickly as she could. It was Nadeshiko's birthday,
rlm@2: after all, and she had never once been late in the eight years since
rlm@2: her death. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The limousine pulled to a stop in front of a quiet and still
rlm@2: cemetary. Stepping out of the back, Sonomi could feel the dampness in
rlm@2: the cool air. The breeze carried a strong smell of rain as dark
rlm@2: clouds rolled overhead. But the business woman paid them no heed as
rlm@2: she walked into the mostly empty graveyard. There were few mourners
rlm@2: today, few brave enough to tease the coming storm. Sonomi made a
rlm@2: mental note to call Tomoyo before she got home and make sure that she
rlm@2: was safe and sound. They could spend the night in front of the fire,
rlm@2: drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps they could watch some of Tomoyo's
rlm@2: beautifully filmed videos of Sakura. But that was all for later. For
rlm@2: now, she had something else she had to do.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Hello, Nadeshiko-chan," Sonomi whispered into the silence. Kneeling
rlm@2: in front of Nadeshiko's gravestone, she set down an armful of Sakura
rlm@2: blossoms that she had brought with her, as well as a tiny box wrapped
rlm@2: with beautiful red wrapping paper and long pink ribbons. "Happy
rlm@2: birthday." Her fingers followed the curve of Nadeshiko's name along
rlm@2: the cold stone. How often had she whispered that name in her sleep?
rlm@2: How often had she called out it's beautiful syllables when she had
rlm@2: been younger? Countless times in the past, and forevermore in the
rlm@2: future would she be whispering the name of her darling cousin. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: A dark sigh escaped Sonomi's lips as she closed her eyes. This was
rlm@2: always such a difficult thing to do. She had thrown herself into her
rlm@2: work after Nadeshiko had gone away with -him- as a way to distract
rlm@2: herself from her pain. It allowed her to forget the despair that
rlm@2: clung to her heart. But whenever she was here at her cousin's grave,
rlm@2: it was impossible to forget. Countless memories, both sweet and sad,
rlm@2: joyful and sorrowful, flooded back to her when she was there. Here in
rlm@2: this place, she didn't have her work to focus her thoughts upon. She
rlm@2: didn't have her gentle daughter to ease the loneliness in her heart.
rlm@2: Here she was left all alone with her memories. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 'Please don't cry, Sonomi-chan,' Nadeshiko had whispered oh so long
rlm@2: ago. Sonomi had rushed to her side upon finding out that her beloved
rlm@2: was dying. She had run from the pain, distancing herself from
rlm@2: Nadeshiko's life when the other girl had been wed, but she had found
rlm@2: herself forcefully pulled back by Nadeshiko's sudded illness. 'I
rlm@2: don't like to see you sad. I'll watch over you. So please be happy.'
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: 'I.. I can't, Nadeshiko-chan...' Sonomi had replied by her cousin's
rlm@2: bedside. 'I can't do that. I can't hold back my tears. Not for you. I
rlm@2: need you, Nadeshiko-chan.. I can't pretend that I don't.' She knew
rlm@2: now that Fujitaka had promised Nadeshiko that he wouldn't cry for
rlm@2: her, but Sonomi hadn't been able to fulfill that wish of her cousin.
rlm@2: Her heart belonged solely to the dark haired beauty, and it suffered
rlm@2: terribly without her. They were tears of sorrow that she would never
rlm@2: again see her beautiful cousin, tears of resentment over the man who
rlm@2: had stolen her most precious Nadeshiko, and tears of regret for
rlm@2: having missed out on so much of Nadeshiko's life by fleeing after her
rlm@2: marriage.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Nadeshiko-chan, I miss you." Sonomi felt a painful sadness well up
rlm@2: in her heart. "I miss you," she repeated. Her eyes, the same stormy
rlm@2: blue as the skies above, welled up with tears. In all of her
rlm@2: memories, Nadeshiko smiled radiently, giving off a warmth that was
rlm@2: hotter than the sun to those who were blessed to know her. Sonomi
rlm@2: longed to see that smile once more, to see her beautiful cousin
rlm@2: before her. But she was all alone, unable to catch even a glimpse of
rlm@2: her heart's desire. Her head rested against the cold stone as tears
rlm@2: fell silently to the earth below her. Sometimes it was so hard to
rlm@2: keep going without Nadeshiko. Everything could feel so futile without
rlm@2: her cheerful cousin by her side. She had languished in this painful
rlm@2: half existence ever since Nadeshiko's marriage stole the dark haired
rlm@2: woman away from her. What was life if your one True Love was ripped
rlm@2: from your grasp? Sonomi's only consolation was her sweet and loving
rlm@2: daughter. Tomoyo was like a little piece of Nadeshiko left behind.
rlm@2: She was cheerful and thoughtful and always terribly kind. She was
rlm@2: Sonomi's one treasure that managed to soothe her heart. But now,
rlm@2: Tomoyo was far away and Sonomi was left to deal with her anguish alone.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "She missed you, too," a man's voice said softly from behind the
rlm@2: woman collapsed against the tombstone. Fujitaka stepped back,
rlm@2: allowing Sonomi some room as the business woman stood up quickly and
rlm@2: composed herself. Her tears were briskly wiped away, the only sign
rlm@2: that she had been crying the tell tale red in her eyes. Her look of
rlm@2: sorrow was also replaced swiftly with one of hateful frustration. The
rlm@2: man smiled in return, setting down his own flowers in front of
rlm@2: Nadeshiko's grave. That only served to strengthen Sonomi's ire. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "What are you doing here?" she demanded, covering her earlier
rlm@2: despair with the anger that was quickly rising up through her. It was
rlm@2: with some relief that she turned form sorrow to anger. THis was
rlm@2: something she could focus on, that she could vent out. Her pain never
rlm@2: lessened it's hold on her heart, but her anger allowed her some
rlm@2: measure of release. And this man was always the perfect target
rlm@2: because she, quite simply, hated him. He had stolen everything from
rlm@2: her. Her dearest Nadeshiko had been plucked right from her grasp. And
rlm@2: after Sonomi had promised to protect her sweet cousin from such
rlm@2: insects. He had even managed to outrace her, the only one ever to do
rlm@2: so, as if he needed to slap her in the face after tearing out her
rlm@2: heart.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Fujitaka smiled pleasantly, as if greeting an old friend. "It's
rlm@2: Nadeshiko's birthday. I wanted to give her some flowers." He nodded
rlm@2: towards Sonomi's previously placed bouquet. "But it seems that I
rlm@2: couldn't hope to outdo your offering, Sonomi-san." He knelt down,
rlm@2: setting his own own flowers next to Sonomi's. "I'm sure she'll love
rlm@2: those. You always did know what she liked."
rlm@2: Standing back up, he watched Sonomi through his glasses for a long
rlm@2: moment.
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sonomi met his gaze fiercely, glaring at her former teacher. This
rlm@2: man had taken away that which she loved most dearly and dared to act
rlm@2: as if they were simply old acquaintances? Why did he always do that?
rlm@2: Didn't he have any human decency in him to just leave her alone? Why
rlm@2: did he insist on hurting her continually, his very presence a dark
rlm@2: reminder of the loss of Nadeshiko? "Kinomoto-sensei." She nodded
rlm@2: towards him and turned towards her limousine. She didn't need this
rlm@2: right now. She would cry the way back home and then would spend the
rlm@2: rest of the night in her daughter's company, the two getting a chance
rlm@2: to escape the pain that love had caused the both of them. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Sonomi-san, do you have to leave so soon? She really did miss you.
rlm@2: I'm certain that she still does," he said cryptically, watching her
rlm@2: back. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Tensing up at his words, Sonomi sprung on her heel like a cat,
rlm@2: watching Fujitaka smile jovially at her. Today was the day that she
rlm@2: was supposed to pay her respects to her beloved, that she could just
rlm@2: stay by her side, but he had taken even that from her. She was in too
rlm@2: much of an emotional hurricane to think clearly, let alone to deal
rlm@2: with him. "What are you talking about? I have to get home to my
rlm@2: daughter. She needs me." A light shower of rain began to fall, slowly
rlm@2: carressing Sonomi's face and pelting agaisnt her clothes. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "And so does Nadeshiko," Fujitaka replied.Raindrops spattered
rlm@2: against his glasses, but he took no notice, his eyes still on his
rlm@2: deceased wife's cousin. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Clenching her fists, Sonomi felt her anger well up so quickly that
rlm@2: it burnt her inside. "Don't you dare tell me about Nadeshiko-chan!!
rlm@2: You stole her from me! You took away the most precious thing in my
rlm@2: life! I don't care what you have to say! You always give me that
rlm@2: damned patronizing smile, as if you don't care about any of the pain
rlm@2: you've caused or that others suffer through. Why can't you just be
rlm@2: happy with what you took from me? Why can't you leave me alone..?"
rlm@2: Her voice broke at last, tears rolling down her cheeks as her anger
rlm@2: finally gave way to pure sorrow and hopelessness. She was forever
rlm@2: lost, never to be blessed with the love that graced her heart. Never
rlm@2: to have or to hold her beautiful cousin. And it was all because of
rlm@2: one man. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: The taller man watched Sonomi for a long time, unsure of what to
rlm@2: say. In all the time that he had known Sonomi, he had never once seen
rlm@2: her like this. She had always been like a brave and noble samurai,
rlm@2: always ready to do battle with him. But now, she looked so weak and
rlm@2: fragile, her steel will caving in on itself. He did feel the pain,
rlm@2: even if she didn't see it. He didn't allow it to show through. He had
rlm@2: promised Nadeshiko. He had loved her and had agreed to her wishes.
rlm@2: But Sonomi wasn't one to hide her emotions behind a never changing
rlm@2: smile, to lock up the pain deep inside the heart and never letting it
rlm@2: go. No, they had both dealt with their grief in entirely different
rlm@2: ways. Sonomi by busying herself with her work and by fueling her
rlm@2: anger towards him. And he dealt with it as if it wasn't there, behind
rlm@2: a frozen smile and an endlessly pleasant demeanor. In some ways, he
rlm@2: envied Sonomi. She let her emotions through and rode with them, so
rlm@2: much like his own daughter, Sakura. She experienced all of her
rlm@2: emotions to their fullest. At the same time, he pitied her. He, at
rlm@2: least, had his memories of his marriage to Nadeshiko and their time
rlm@2: spent together. Sonomi had been robbed of even that simple pleasure.
rlm@2: So he understood why she hated him so, although he couldn't imagine
rlm@2: simply not marrying Nadeshiko. That would have been like denying his
rlm@2: very existence. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sonomi felt a hand on her shoulder and immediately shrugged it away.
rlm@2: "Leave me alone," she said weakly, trying to pull up any form of
rlm@2: strength to get away. But there was nothing there for her to use. She
rlm@2: felt so... empty. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "She missed you," Fujitaka repeated. "She kept searching for you in
rlm@2: the last few years of her life. And she was always talking about you.
rlm@2: 'Sonomi-chan always loved to cook for me'. 'Sonomi-chan and I always
rlm@2: did this together'. 'Sonomi-chan was always there for me. I wonder
rlm@2: what she's doing right now'." He paused smiling a little to himself
rlm@2: as he looked at the tombstone. His wife's body may be under their
rlm@2: feet, but she was not. He wouldn't be surprised if she was watching
rlm@2: them at that very moment. "You and I both know that Nadeshiko wasn't
rlm@2: one to regret much. It wasn't her nature. She lived life to it's
rlm@2: fullest and treasured every moment of it. And I think we both loved
rlm@2: that about her. But you were one of her only regrets. Possibly the
rlm@2: only regret she ever carried. The two of you were practically
rlm@2: inseperable until we got married. You'll never know how much that
rlm@2: hurt her. It took her forever to understand why you left." He sighed,
rlm@2: pulling off his glasses. His own heart was clenching at the memories,
rlm@2: but it was nice to try not to hide it for once. "She wanted to raise
rlm@2: Sakura-chan like you. That's why she always had such short hair. And
rlm@2: why I got her involved in athletics. Because Nadeshiko wanted her to
rlm@2: grow up to be like her strong and gorgeous cousin, Sonomi. I tried my
rlm@2: best to comply with her wishes." A soft laugh escaped him as he
rlm@2: watched Sonomi, whose stormy blue eyes were staring into his own with
rlm@2: a profound intensity. Sonomi still hated him, but he could see that
rlm@2: they were curious, listening. "I think she turned out quite a bit
rlm@2: like you. Even if she isn't quite as perceptive."
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: Sonomi felt a lump form in her throat as she tried to swallow. Her
rlm@2: tears continued to cascade down her cheeks, mixing with the
rlm@2: raindrops. "She... Nadeshiko-chan wanted Sakura-chan to be like me?"
rlm@2: she whispered. She had raised her own daughter to be like Nadeshiko,
rlm@2: a way of expressing her longing for her far away cousin. Nadeshiko
rlm@2: had done the same with her own daughter? "Nadeshiko-chan..."she
rlm@2: whimpered, closing her eyes. 
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "She needed to see you again when she found out she was dying,"
rlm@2: Fujitaka continued, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She said that
rlm@2: she had to see you again before she died. I don't think she was
rlm@2: worried at all about her own death, but the prospect of dying before
rlm@2: she could talk to you again frightened her immensely. So I searched
rlm@2: everywhere I could, any way I could, to find you before time ran out.
rlm@2: The letter you got was from her, but I was the one to seek you out
rlm@2: for her. She had to see you one last time. I was almost afraid that
rlm@2: you wouldn't make it on time. But I always knew that you were the
rlm@2: most reliable person I could think of. And you made it. You should
rlm@2: have seen the smile on her face when I told her you had called in
rlm@2: from your hotel room." His hand went to his eyes as tears of his own
rlm@2: began to blur his vision. "I'd never seen her so happy. It was as if
rlm@2: a huge burden that had been on her shoulders for our entire marriage
rlm@2: had been lifted." He looked up, swallowing painfully. "Sonomi-san,
rlm@2: you meant quite a bit to her. So please don't feel lonely. I know
rlm@2: she's keeping an eye on you."
rlm@2: 
rlm@2: "Nadeshiko-chan..." Sonomi sobbed above Nadeshiko's grave, her face
rlm@2: in her hands. The rain had by now thoroughly soaked her dress, but
rlm@2: she could hardly care about such trivial things. Her mind was lost on
rlm@2: those lovely syllables, Nadeshiko. She had always felt so alone,
rlm@2: always wondering how much she had meant to her innocent cousin. Had
rlm@2: she been so happily married that the split between them meant nothing
rlm@2: to her? Was Nadeshiko watching from up above, a beautiful angel that
rlm@2: kept watch over her family? Or did she also give her divine attention
rlm@2: to Sonomi as well? Now it seemed that Sonomi had her answer. So she
rlm@2: cried her heart out, her own lonely tears joining the storm of tears
rlm@2: from up above.