rlm@2: Title: The Different Path rlm@2: Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew rlm@2: Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de rlm@2: Status: Alpha rlm@2: Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga) rlm@2: Rating: PG(-13) (Nothing serious, really) rlm@2: Category: Romance, Darkish and Drama (at the beginning) rlm@2: Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo rlm@2: Timeline: Hard to pinpoint, begins years after the manga and then... rlm@2: well, you'll see. rlm@2: Summary: When you realize your feelings too late, there is nothing you rlm@2: can do. No force in existence can undo what is fixed in time... Or is rlm@2: there? rlm@2: Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com), rlm@2: ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), others rlm@2: may follow. If you like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm rlm@2: not likely to put stones in your way, but I like to know where it rlm@2: goes. rlm@2: Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically rlm@2: involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing, rlm@2: turn around and leave now. rlm@2: Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted rlm@2: companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline. rlm@2: Story Disclaimer: The Different Path(c)2003 by Matthias Engel rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: Foreword rlm@2: rlm@2: Hi, there. And another new fandom for me. :) It has taken me awhile to rlm@2: get around and finally get into CCS. I am not sure myself anymore why rlm@2: I never was interested in it before since I do love CLAMP's work (a rlm@2: big Rayearth fan after all). But now I finally did read the manga (at rlm@2: least a fan-translated version) and I think I am rather addicted now. rlm@2: ;) rlm@2: This story follows the plot of the manga. I have only seen the first rlm@2: six episodes of the anime so far (local, German dub) and quite frankly rlm@2: I tend to stick to the original most of the time anyway with facts. rlm@2: Often anime leaves out so many important things. This is important rlm@2: because there is a card in this story that I know exists in the anime rlm@2: but not in the manga. Try to forget what you know about the additional rlm@2: cards in the anime, it won't be the same. rlm@2: Bear with me, I finished the manga recently and have read a couple of rlm@2: CCS fics. Compared to my knowledge about other anime/manga, I am still rlm@2: trying to get a clear grasp on the characters, their feelings and rlm@2: thoughts (an aspect rather important to my style of writing), so it rlm@2: might seem a little rough here and there. I hope you still like it. rlm@2: This has been produced in more or less one day... if I count together rlm@2: the hours. I began Friday morning and finished it later today, rlm@2: Saturday. It's hard to give a clear writing time as I tend to do with rlm@2: my other rare short stories since it hasn't been done in one session - rlm@2: so I won't. rlm@2: This might become part of a series. MIGHT. rlm@2: Now enough with the intro notes. Enjoy! rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: The Different Path rlm@2: Based on the works of CLAMP rlm@2: Story Concept by Matthias Engel rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: A lone raven was steadily crowing, the sharp, barking sounds almost rlm@2: like a fierce protector, a fierce protector of what lay beyond the rlm@2: metal fence on which he was perched atop. His eyes were gleaming - rlm@2: malevolent one might say - eying the trio in its guarded sanctuary rlm@2: with wary eyes. It probably thought no less of us than the usual rlm@2: disturbances that had taken a hold of not only this lonely place of rlm@2: eternal rest but the entire world... and probably much more. That was rlm@2: most likely of little interest to the raven as it sat, guarding, alone rlm@2: but never lonely, the spirits always a detached company... rlm@2: I met the ruby eyes of the raven and held his gaze for a couple rlm@2: of seconds, satisfied only when the small creature nodded sharply rlm@2: once, emitting a low screech, turning away once again to look out for rlm@2: more... intruders. I smiled but the smile lacked emotion, bitter and rlm@2: twisted, barely even a ghost of what it had once been anymore. Where rlm@2: was no purpose for that smile anymore. For what would you smile if rlm@2: there was nothing left? rlm@2: I glanced up into the midnight sky and the angry black and rlm@2: crimson-tainted clouds overshadowing every light. It had been this way rlm@2: for a long time now. And ever since a few days ago, that was all the rlm@2: world would ever see. Walking silently past the rows and rows of rlm@2: stones, marking the resting places of those that left this world rlm@2: already, I could not deny the thought that maybe those that already rlm@2: left before everything started were better off. They had left in rlm@2: relative peace, most of them probably content with their time spent rlm@2: here. I knew that sounded rather harsh but it didn't feel particular rlm@2: illogical. rlm@2: I never quite liked graveyards. I think in my youth it was a mix rlm@2: of the silent longing for my mother whenever we visited her grave and rlm@2: the very atmosphere itself. Oniichan had forever sealed my fear of rlm@2: ghosts in place. Now, years later, I still felt a tiny shudder albeit rlm@2: knowing now that ghosts were not something you had to worry about - rlm@2: there were far more dangerous and scarier things out there. Now, rlm@2: leaving behind the neatly arranged rows of graves - the flowers rlm@2: everywhere already starting to wither and die from the lack of rlm@2: sunlight these days - I decided that I hated graveyards even more. I rlm@2: guess I never was someone who liked to say goodbye and this place had rlm@2: taken too much from me to feel even neutral about it. rlm@2: I passed by my parents' graves, side by side, stopping for a rlm@2: moment to pay my respect and make sure that Flower's magic was still rlm@2: working. Continuing on I did the same with Touya's. Glancing to the rlm@2: side my more or less monotone features softened into an expression of rlm@2: compassion. Yue stood in silence, not moving, as if in prayer. Maybe rlm@2: he was, I couldn't quite tell. rlm@2: Quietly slipping past him I went to the end of the row, two rlm@2: beautifully decorated tombstones were left, sustained by magic and rlm@2: protect from the darkness engulfing the world, like a tiny spot of rlm@2: light in an ocean of shadows... rlm@2: rlm@2: Syaoran Li rlm@2: 1982 - 2001 rlm@2: Brave and courageous, he protected his loved ones until the end. rlm@2: rlm@2: A spot of light that in the end wasn't much more than an echo, rlm@2: just like the light of the distant stars that reached us was an echo rlm@2: of a long time ago. You can see but you can't reach for it, because rlm@2: the moment you do, you only realize it is long gone already. rlm@2: rlm@2: Daidouji Tomoyo rlm@2: 1982 - 2001 rlm@2: rlm@2: A light in the darkness, always there, always giving. She was rlm@2: our heart, taking the burdens we could not. Her rest shall be rlm@2: peaceful, for if anyone, she deserves it most. rlm@2: A tear slipped past my eyelids, down my cheeks, before dropping rlm@2: to the ground at my feet unhindered. I thought I'd lost the ability to rlm@2: cry long ago, the endless pool finally drained dry. Yet, it still rlm@2: wasn't enough. The human heart was not made for that kind of torture, rlm@2: especially not such a young one, I mused. I could feel it even now, rlm@2: the soundless cry, like a crescendo bubbling to the surface to be rlm@2: finally released without sound because sound was incapable of doing rlm@2: the emotions inside justice. rlm@2: For days I had cried myself to sleep afterwards, asking myself, rlm@2: wondering where it had gone wrong, what we had done to deserve this. rlm@2: Nothing, I suppose. We were all just pawns in the big game after all. rlm@2: It was our fate. Everything would surely be alright... as long as it rlm@2: was convenient. rlm@2: I knelt down to trace the letters on the cold... dead... stone. rlm@2: One after another. Every word bringing a new emotion, a new memory. I rlm@2: let them wash over me. Years spend so innocently, without care, rlm@2: without the knowledge that everything would eventually be gone, far rlm@2: sooner than we could ever imagine. I had been so naïve back then. A rlm@2: part of me didn't want to regret it, but another part was filled with rlm@2: immeasurable guilt of the decisions I made so totally in disregard of rlm@2: the effect they had for those around me. These last nights I had rlm@2: contemplated, theorized what I could have done. But in the end, there rlm@2: was no simple solution. Even if I had known back then, I would have rlm@2: had to make a decision, people I cared about would still be hurt. It rlm@2: would just have been... a different path. rlm@2: A happier path? rlm@2: I didn't know. Even though the situation called for it lately, I rlm@2: never invoked the power to see the future. If I had known, I was sure, rlm@2: it would have been far more brutal. Clow had known his own death and rlm@2: could do nothing about it. Knowing the future was not the same as rlm@2: standing above it, of being untouchable. You could know everything but rlm@2: in the end, you also knew it would happen this way or another. And rlm@2: knowing that and being unable to do anything about it had to hurt far rlm@2: worse. rlm@2: Losing Syaoran and Tomoyo had been the most painful thing that rlm@2: ever happened to me. I was sure I would follow them soon enough, but rlm@2: now a different option had presented itself and I clung to it with the rlm@2: same fierce determination that had sparked me, driven me onwards in rlm@2: capturing the Clow Cards as a child, the same determination that rlm@2: fueled every remotely important task in my life. I thought I lost it rlm@2: and maybe that was true in some sense. The feeling now was... rlm@2: different. Tainted, desperate. It wasn't the kind of belief anymore rlm@2: that everything would be alright because I wished it to be. This rlm@2: feeling was far more... radical I suppose is the best way. I would rlm@2: make everything alright, no matter the cost. rlm@2: All that was left now was to make a choice. Then again, maybe it rlm@2: wasn't as much a choice anymore as it had become a decision already. I rlm@2: never thought I'd ever be forced to choose between them and ironically rlm@2: I never had to until now. But now it was inevitable... as was the rlm@2: decision I made. rlm@2: Standing up, I fingered the tiny key chain and unclasped it from rlm@2: around my neck. "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue," I said softly as I turned rlm@2: away from the graves to face them. The two guardians looked at me rlm@2: startled, not quite understanding. I expected as much. Yue seemed rlm@2: impassive as he studied me, but he had turned away from Touya's grave rlm@2: to face me, silently trying to perceive the nature of my words. rlm@2: Kero-chan floated in place for a moment, obviously not quite sure how rlm@2: to react. He was confused, that much I could tell. I was never any rlm@2: good with reading emotions but I was sure he had to be wondering why I rlm@2: would apologize. rlm@2: Well, he would know soon. rlm@2: The tiny key flared in my hands. I didn't bother to call its rlm@2: power just yet. "Light, Dark," I said in a firmer voice, "come forth." rlm@2: Two cards appeared in the air before me. One exploding into bright, rlm@2: yet soft light and the other into dark, calming darkness, before both rlm@2: formed tiny, sprite-like figures, female in nature - though I never rlm@2: quite asked if they really HAD a gender. rlm@2: The two souls of the cards knelt on one knee, heads bowed for a rlm@2: moment before glancing up to regard me respectfully with a compassion rlm@2: that always managed to warm my heart even in the darkest hour. They rlm@2: were bound to my heart, I knew as much. From all the cards, Light and rlm@2: Dark were closest to me. That is why I almost expected them to know rlm@2: the reason of their summon. rlm@2: "What do you wish of us, Mistress?" Light asked in a musical rlm@2: tone that was comforting but sad at the same time. They knew what was rlm@2: going on inside me, I was sure of that. They always seemed to know my rlm@2: heart, probably better than I did myself. The turmoil in my heart and rlm@2: soul seemed to be as evident to the two sprites as if it was the most rlm@2: simple thing in the world. They never told me though, making sure that rlm@2: I realized my own feelings rather than making the decisions for me. rlm@2: That was for my best, I knew, but still I wished they would have rlm@2: helped me realize one thing earlier. Maybe I could have at least rlm@2: changed that tiny, yet so important aspect of our lives. rlm@2: The graveyard was enveloped in silence, even the crow had rlm@2: stopped its shrill voice filling the area in almost periodically rlm@2: fashion. rlm@2: "Take me to Time." rlm@2: And the words shattered the silence like a thunderclap that had rlm@2: split Earth itself apart. Agitated the lone graveyard's guardian began rlm@2: crowing violently as if somehow completely understanding the impact of rlm@2: these words. I could swear Yue almost tumbled backwards, his eyes rlm@2: flashing in fearful understanding and... I didn't know, I was never rlm@2: really good with emotions, after all. rlm@2: Kero-chan on the other hand was ready to explode, a myriad of rlm@2: emotion playing over his tiny face I didn't even try to categorize. He rlm@2: opened his mouth to speak, probably a lecture already on his lips, but rlm@2: closed it again at the desperately pleading look I send him. I could rlm@2: see a silent war going on inside of him and it was showing outside as rlm@2: well in the tremors shaking the tiny body. rlm@2: "How do you know about...?" Yue trailed off, his voice with a rlm@2: note of anguish. Surely this had to seem like a déjà vu to him. Just rlm@2: like Clow, now me. The circumstances were different but in the end rlm@2: he... they would lose me as they lost their previous master. rlm@2: I had a dream last night. I hadn't had prophetic dreams in quite rlm@2: some time, not even when the true horror begun. The dream hadn't been rlm@2: really prophetic either, more like a revelation, the key to a door, rlm@2: the last door, the final way out. A tempting way, wrought with more rlm@2: perils and hardships as seemed to be worth the trouble. But there was rlm@2: nothing left that would make it a risk. This WAS my last chance. rlm@2: That is not what I said, I don't think the how really mattered rlm@2: to them anyway. Instead I focused on the two sprites again, wishing rlm@2: that I wouldn't have to explain my reasoning. I had never seen them as rlm@2: startled and frightened before which left me to believe that they rlm@2: hadn't exactly known my intent after all. But even though they didn't rlm@2: know the intent, the reasoning behind it was not lost on them. And rlm@2: while they denied me a lot of things they believed not to be in favor rlm@2: of my happiness, there was not a sliver of resistance now, as they rlm@2: spoke as one, "As you wish, Mistress." rlm@2: I felt the power swirling around me. A beautiful twilight rlm@2: wrapping me in a cocoon. Reality was being bend all around me as rlm@2: ancient seals and powerful wards were unlocked by the duo's powers. It rlm@2: was as my dream had told me. Alone I would have never been able to rlm@2: break through, only Light and Dark held the key. rlm@2: "Wait, let me go with you!" I heard Kero-chan shouting as the rlm@2: world slowly faded out around me. rlm@2: "I will go as well!" added Yue fiercely. rlm@2: I smiled, sadness and joy mingling. They had been so loyal to rlm@2: me. Especially Yue who had always seemed to regret choosing a new rlm@2: master albeit caring a lot about me. They had always been by my side, rlm@2: supporting me, no matter what. That was why I couldn't accept that rlm@2: offer. rlm@2: "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue. The consequences would be to dire for rlm@2: anyone else to experience." I looked at them through the haze of now rlm@2: multi-colored light and managed - for a tiny moment - to bring rlm@2: conviction to the smile in my face as I wiped away a tear from my rlm@2: face. "Don't worry," I almost whispered, "everything will surely be rlm@2: alright." rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: The shift was rather swift and I was surprised by how gentle the rlm@2: method of transport had been. Somehow, from the importance indicated rlm@2: by the heavy warding I had felt, I had expected a far rougher ride rlm@2: than that. Opening my eyes I mused that one without magic sight or rlm@2: senses would probably think they were still... in-between. But I could rlm@2: tell we had long left the pathway to this ancient chamber where one of rlm@2: the most powerful forces lay hidden, concealed, sealed so that it rlm@2: could never be used by anyone or anything. The repercussions were far rlm@2: too dangerous. rlm@2: "Are you certain that is what you wish," asked Light, her voice rlm@2: thick with emotion as she stared ahead into the swirl of colors that rlm@2: seemed to be everywhere, making up every tiny inch of the chamber. I rlm@2: could feel the edges but I couldn't quite perceive it. rlm@2: "Even Clow deemed Time to dangerous to ever be used," Dark added rlm@2: softly. "He couldn't destroy the card after creating it, so he sealed rlm@2: it away." Dark turned to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Her eyes rlm@2: were unusually thick with emotion. "Even if you are stronger than he rlm@2: ever was, there is no guarantee your wish will be granted. Time will rlm@2: choose whether to obey or not. You cannot force it." rlm@2: I smiled ruefully. "If all that I've done so far was not enough rlm@2: to prepare me for this moment, then I have no right to be your rlm@2: Mistress." Closing my eyes, I held onto a single image from not long rlm@2: ago, the one thing that motivated me to do this, that left me no rlm@2: choice in the matter. "She's always believed in me," I said quietly. rlm@2: "They all did. I will put this right. I HAVE TO put this right. If it rlm@2: means sacrificing myself in the process, so be it." rlm@2: I felt Dark pull away and opened my eyes to see her join Light a rlm@2: few steps ahead. "Very well," her opposite said and I could swear I rlm@2: saw a few tears glitter in her eyes. A small pang in my heart made me rlm@2: shudder. They loved me so much. Not out of respect or fear of my power rlm@2: as with Clow, but because I had always treated them as friends. They rlm@2: felt my sadness, my anguish at the loss I experienced and even more rlm@2: so... I knew without a doubt that they would support my decision rlm@2: without hesitation. This would be my biggest challenge. But I wasn't rlm@2: completely alone after all. rlm@2: Suddenly the kaleidoscope of colors seemed to shift and then rlm@2: parted, like a giant veil pulled back. My senses flared violently, rlm@2: overloaded with the onslaught of reactions, the enormous power I felt rlm@2: from the presence floating in midair before me was hard to actually rlm@2: grasp. I could feel the magic radiating with a magnificence in which rlm@2: even Light and Dark, even Kerberors and Yue, simply paled. rlm@2: Firming my resolve I stepped forward, the key still clasped in rlm@2: my right hand floated upwards over my outstretched palm. An almost rlm@2: eerie calm began to settle in my heart and even when the sprite-like rlm@2: figure above me turned a challenging gaze towards me, I only shortly rlm@2: stilled to return the gaze. We both knew why I was here and we both rlm@2: knew that I would not turn back now. rlm@2: "Key," I started to chant the familiar phrase, my voice firm and rlm@2: strong, "that hides the power of the stars! Reveal your true power to rlm@2: me! I, Sakura, command you by contract! RELEASE!" rlm@2: With a flare of power the key expanded, grew in size until it rlm@2: became a staff longer than myself, a golden star rested on top of it. rlm@2: I could feel the magic running through it. If there was one thing that rlm@2: I had really gotten good at over the years, then it was mastering the rlm@2: power inside of myself. Yet it had not been enough at the moment it rlm@2: mattered. This time I would succeed though. I would not fail, I could rlm@2: not fail. I had to succeed! rlm@2: Time didn't bother asking questions or trying to scare me away. rlm@2: I barely had time to erect a defense but felt it torn to pieces by rlm@2: forces far beyond my comprehension. I staggered as my whole body was rlm@2: assaulted by waves of temporal magic, threatening to literally tear me rlm@2: apart. I sank to one knee, stunned, grasping tightly onto the staff. rlm@2: It was hard to concentrate, hard to form a plan of attack. How could I rlm@2: have been so foolish? I should have made a plan, I should have rlm@2: anticipated that Time couldn't be beaten by willpower alone. Time was rlm@2: a force nearly untouchable. What could the worldly elements at my rlm@2: disposal do against it? rlm@2: Memories began crashing into my mind, too many to count or pick rlm@2: out a single one. Fond memories, sad memories, happy times, hard rlm@2: times. One moment though stood out like a brightly-lit Tokyo Tower rlm@2: over nighttime Tokyo. Tomoyo in my arms, dying. Syaoran was already rlm@2: gone, protecting us heroically but at the end even that was in vain. I rlm@2: hadn't had much time to grief for him but the memory still stung rlm@2: painfully, yet the memory of Tomoyo was simply overwhelming because rlm@2: too many emotions were caught up in it. rlm@2: *I am glad to die in Sakura's arms...* rlm@2: I hadn't been quite sure if I had really heard those words at rlm@2: first because the shock was too big and my disbelief to great. rlm@2: However, they had been there. And it had been that moment I rlm@2: understood. It had been that moment I understood everything. The rlm@2: realization had slammed into me like a bullet train at full speed and rlm@2: it HURT. Kami-sama, it still hurt and would never stop hurting. My rlm@2: mind had been weighed down and drowned by the feelings of shame and rlm@2: guilt, the terrible injustice I had done my best friend. I had been rlm@2: ignorant, even when I grew up, I never saw it. rlm@2: Maybe I never wanted to see it. Tomoyo continued giving and rlm@2: giving. I knew something was bothering her but she'd never let me rlm@2: know, always brushed it aside. And what had I done? I had lived out my rlm@2: fairytale - that Tomoyo had so carefully helped crafting - right in rlm@2: front of her eyes. Whenever I had a problem with Syaoran I went to rlm@2: her, not knowing what I did to her. Yes, she wanted me happy and rlm@2: sincerely thought I was. I wasn't even disagreeing. I was happy. I rlm@2: loved Syaoron. But was that fair to Tomoyo? Was it even necessary to rlm@2: ask that question? rlm@2: I could not give up! I had to make this right again! rlm@2: The pressure began to dim and my eyes snapped open. All the rlm@2: Sakura Cards were surrounding me in a circle, even Light and Dark had rlm@2: joined them again. They were struggling to hold Time's power back and rlm@2: I could feel their struggle but also their souls joining with mine, rlm@2: fueling my determination as much as they shared my pain. Struggling to rlm@2: stand again, I focused my will, staring up at Time who impassively rlm@2: stared back, yet there was something... expectant. rlm@2: *Time cannot be forced.* rlm@2: Did that mean the card had to willingly choose to grant my rlm@2: request? How was I supposed to do that? Was there some key? Some rlm@2: particular aspect that needed to be met? Was it even worth pondering? rlm@2: I had made my decision and I would go through with it. I was the rlm@2: strongest mage in the world, I had to be able to do it! rlm@2: "Everything will surely be alright." rlm@2: That was my magic phrase. However, it had been Tomoyo who had rlm@2: fueled it. It was ironic actually. Only now that she was gone, I rlm@2: realized that it held little meaning without her here. How could rlm@2: everything be alright with Tomoyo gone? That had been another of the rlm@2: bittersweet realizations at that moment when I held her dying form in rlm@2: my arms. I did love Syaroan, Tomoyo hadn't been wrong there. However, rlm@2: she had made one crucial mistake. I did love her too. Not as a best rlm@2: friend but more. I needed her to be there, support me whenever I rlm@2: needed it. And I could always count on her to actually be there. Even rlm@2: after the engagement was official and the wedding announced, she still rlm@2: staid. Regardless of how it must have pained her. rlm@2: Yet, while I loved Syaroan, there was simply no way he could rlm@2: compare to Tomoyo. No, I didn't mean that I loved him less because I rlm@2: certainly didn't. The feelings for the two of them were different and rlm@2: couldn't just be compared. However, there was one thing that set them rlm@2: apart. While I loved Syaroan and he loved me, he didn't need me. rlm@2: Tomoyo did need me. And - as bitter as it sounded - I didn't need rlm@2: Syaoran nearly as much as I needed Tomoyo. I never wanted to make a rlm@2: choice between them, however, this simple and at the same time rlm@2: astonishing realization made it all so much easier this morning, when rlm@2: I made my decision after the dream. It was hard and I wished I rlm@2: wouldn't have to, yet there was only that one path to take now. rlm@2: The different path. rlm@2: This would hurt people, it would hurt Syaoran and it hurt me rlm@2: already to do this to him. However, there simply was no other rlm@2: alternative. I could try to do it all again, preventing their deaths, rlm@2: but that wasn't fair to them either. Especially not to Tomoyo. She rlm@2: would continue to give and give, completely missing in her selfless rlm@2: love the one possibility that her own happiness might have had a rlm@2: chance to be fulfilled in the process. rlm@2: A memory of Tomoyo with a look of utter faith in her eyes, rlm@2: telling me that she knew I would always be there to save her, flashed rlm@2: through my mind. rlm@2: Rooting my wand firmly into the ground, I stood unyielding rlm@2: against the magical storm of temporal energy around the circle of rlm@2: cards. I didn't need words now. Without a single command uttered the rlm@2: cards spread out. The non-element cards formed a wider outer circle. rlm@2: Woody, Earthy, Fiery, Windy and Watery positioned themselves at the rlm@2: edges of the outer ring, thin lines of magic binding them together in rlm@2: a five-pointed star. Finally Light and Dark settled to my left and rlm@2: right, completing the perfect circle. rlm@2: A white flare of magic engulfed the circle and expanded, pushing rlm@2: back against the enormous energies as I stared up at Time, trying to rlm@2: focus all my feelings in one last action. I wouldn't need more. Just rlm@2: this one thing. I had been so selfish already in my life, especially rlm@2: compared to Tomoyo. This wasn't for me. This was for her. I needed to rlm@2: set this right, to give back the happiness I had so carelessly taken rlm@2: without ever asking for the price. rlm@2: "RETURN TO YOUR ORIGINAL FORM..." rlm@2: The star on the wand flared brighter than I've ever seen it do rlm@2: before. Time had been always in motion ever since I laid my eyes on rlm@2: it, flowing through shapes, positions, ages... Now it stilled for a rlm@2: short moment, purple eyes gazing at me in now unconcealed expectation. rlm@2: "And grant me this one wish," I whispered even though my voice rlm@2: still echoed clear and loud in the surreal chamber. rlm@2: "CLOW CARD!" rlm@2: White and golden light mingled, turning into a thick pillar of rlm@2: magical energy as I thrust my staff upwards, the wand touching the rlm@2: sprite form of the card. I closed my eyes at the brightness of the rlm@2: light and so I could only hear the whisper, like the wind rustling rlm@2: through leaves or water gently flowing in a lake, yet as vivid and rlm@2: passionate as an inferno of flames or as shattering as an earthquake. rlm@2: "Granted." rlm@2: And then everything fell into darkness. rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: Gradually I became aware of sounds and other sensations around rlm@2: me. My head was still spinning as if I was on a sugar overdose or rlm@2: something. There was the soft, somewhat familiar ticking sound of a rlm@2: clock and the light in the room was still rather dim, so it had to be rlm@2: early morning, probably before dawn. I was sitting on the ground for rlm@2: some reason and my body felt stiff, tired and something was really off rlm@2: about it... rlm@2: I blinked my eyes slowly, channeling a bit of magic to relieve rlm@2: the fuzziness in my mind enough to get my bearings. rlm@2: My room. rlm@2: My old room. rlm@2: I glanced down at myself, noticing an almost finished teddy in rlm@2: my tiny hands. rlm@2: Oh. rlm@2: Well, I guess it worked. I was baffled though why exactly I rlm@2: actually... remembered. My initial plan had been to move back to that rlm@2: moment and act as something like a... guide for my younger self. Then rlm@2: again, I have no idea how time travel really is supposed to work - and rlm@2: there probably are not many people you can ask about it. Also, I knew rlm@2: there would be consequences - this might be just one of them - and I rlm@2: had learned that every Clow Card had had a different idea of how to rlm@2: use their magic in their own special way. rlm@2: It... worked. rlm@2: The realization came a bit slowly. My mind still a little rlm@2: detached as the reality sank in. A soft smile tugged at my lips. rlm@2: It really did work! rlm@2: Alright, maybe not exactly as I planned but... I had been given rlm@2: a second chance. rlm@2: "Sakura?" rlm@2: I whipped my head around and saw Kero floating behind me a rlm@2: little uncertainly. He must have sensed something was off, probably rlm@2: the card's magic. As if on cue, there was a burst of light in front of rlm@2: me, startling Kero and making me look back. It was the Clow Card that rlm@2: fell out of midair into my waiting hands. Well, a Sakura Card now. The rlm@2: design had changed. I hadn't even tried to transform it but judged by rlm@2: the amount of magic I put into it... rlm@2: "Sakura?" Kero floated over my shoulder, looked down at the card rlm@2: and almost fainted. rlm@2: rlm@2: ****************************** rlm@2: rlm@2: I'm not sure how long I stood there, letting my mind drift. I rlm@2: had barely ever seen Tomoyo practice since choir and cheerleading rlm@2: clubs usually crossed and also later in Junior High and High School I rlm@2: never really seemed to manage. I decided that was a real shame and rlm@2: from now on I would make it a habit whenever I could find the time. rlm@2: Entering the music hall of our school I had stopped, nearly freezing rlm@2: in the doorframe before remembering to close the door behind me in rlm@2: order to not disturb the practice. I had come in right in the middle rlm@2: of a slow, almost melancholic song and my eyes had sought out Tomoyo rlm@2: like a moth drawn to the flame. rlm@2: It had only been a couple of days in my old time that I lost her rlm@2: and Syaoran but it felt like a small eternity. I had always known that rlm@2: Tomoyo was flat out beautiful and thought it a shame that she didn't rlm@2: seem to have many suitors or always kindly refused them - due to rlm@2: reasons I was to blind to see. But God forgive me, she is gorgeous. rlm@2: Even now as a child the sight was breathtaking and somewhat ethereal. rlm@2: It didn't seem to be normal for such an angel to walk among us. rlm@2: And her voice, her voice. I had always loved her singing. rlm@2: Whether it was a slow, emotional song or something faster, more... rlm@2: vivid, Tomoyo somehow managed to meet the expectations perfectly. rlm@2: It was becoming a torture. I wanted to close my eyes and lose rlm@2: myself in the music, in the sweet voice of my best friend... and now rlm@2: suddenly so much more. Yet, I could not bring my eyes to leave her rlm@2: form for a single moment. I wondered if my reaction was a little silly rlm@2: but discarded the thought quickly. It had been living hell without rlm@2: Syaoran and Tomoyo there the last days. rlm@2: Speaking to Syaoran had been painful. At least I didn't have rlm@2: trouble with getting to him at the last possible second this time. rlm@2: What Kero-chan had told me a couple of years ago - relatively seen of rlm@2: course - was proving to be true. The strength of one's magic was bound rlm@2: to the spirit, the heart, and was fueled by the soul. The transition rlm@2: into this younger body would probably only have the side effects that rlm@2: my body would have to accustom to the strain of channeling the kind of rlm@2: magic I had developed over the years. rlm@2: Syaroan had been... understanding. Hurt... no, disappointed, but rlm@2: still understanding. I'm not sure if he knew about Tomoyo's feelings rlm@2: but considering how much everyone around me seemed to know such things rlm@2: before I could even begin to suspect something was there, I thought it rlm@2: a distant possibility. Saying "no" was still difficult to do because I rlm@2: hated to lie, I didn't even really lie to him. All that I could say rlm@2: was that I did love him but that there was someone else who I loved rlm@2: equally and who needed me more. We had promised to stay in contact and rlm@2: that was it. I would always treasure the memories of the future that I rlm@2: left behind, the times spent together, but I had made my decision. I rlm@2: had been living out most of my fairytale and I couldn't help but think rlm@2: it selfish after the recent events and after realizing Tomoyo's rlm@2: feelings. This time I vowed to be the selfless one. rlm@2: Tomoyo had been so lost in singing that now, nearing the end of rlm@2: the song, she almost stumbled over a note as her gaze briefly gazed rlm@2: up. Her blue eyes briefly blinked in wonder - probably wondering why I rlm@2: was here and not at the bus station, seeing Syaroan off. I held her rlm@2: gaze until the final lyrics were sung. For once I could clearly read rlm@2: Tomoyo. She was confused. Usually she always had been able to read me rlm@2: like a book. However, now Tomoyo had virtually no idea what was going rlm@2: on. I had to suppress a giggle. rlm@2: The song ended and a pause was called, giving me the opportunity rlm@2: I waited for. Waiting by the door, I followed Tomoyo's every step as rlm@2: she slowly approached my position. I admit I was a little nervous, rlm@2: tiny butterflies were doing flip flops in my stomach but I managed to rlm@2: control my nervousness. This is why I had begun this after all. To set rlm@2: things right. Time had granted me the opportunity, now it was up to me rlm@2: to use it. But had I really interpreted all this right? What if I rlm@2: ended up making a terrible mistake and once again totally understood rlm@2: someone's feelings for what they were not? What if Tomoyo really just rlm@2: loved me as a devoted friend? What if...? rlm@2: Gah! Get a grip, girl! rlm@2: I couldn't have been wrong. I never felt so completely sure rlm@2: about something. Besides, even if for some weird reason I had rlm@2: misjudged the other girl's feelings, I wasn't doing this out of pity. rlm@2: I would NEVER do that to anyone. Tomoyo wouldn't want that and I rlm@2: didn't think I could live a lie. This decision was based on the rlm@2: newfound knowledge just as much as on my own jumbled feelings that had rlm@2: finally began to make sense even to my usually dense mind. It had rlm@2: taken losing Tomoyo but I did understand now and Tomoyo was here. So, rlm@2: even if I had gotten her feelings wrong, I would love her nonetheless, rlm@2: unconditionally. Even if I had to be a selfless, supporting friend. rlm@2: Because that is what she had been to me all this time and she deserved rlm@2: no less from me now. rlm@2: Mind and heart set, I pushed away from the wall, to meet the rlm@2: lavender-haired girl who still wore an expression of extreme rlm@2: puzzlement. But now there was also worry and something else I couldn't rlm@2: quite decipher. rlm@2: "Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked tentatively, sounding as if she rlm@2: wasn't sure if it was really me. Then it hit me. She wasn't sure. As I rlm@2: said before Tomoyo always seemed to know me better than I did myself rlm@2: and she must have noticed the change. Physically I might still have rlm@2: been a ten-year old but mentally... rlm@2: I met her eyes again, not bothering to try and hold back rlm@2: anymore. A moment of silence followed, neither daring to broach the rlm@2: subject. I was certain she knew that despite the difference I still rlm@2: was Sakura, otherwise she would have said so already. Finally Tomoyo's rlm@2: gaze turned worried again. "Did you see Li-kun? I tried to call you rlm@2: but..." rlm@2: "I did," I said simply. rlm@2: Tomoyo smiled that sweet smile of hers that with what I knew now rlm@2: left me wondering how much of it was fake and how much genuine. She rlm@2: was still a kid but even at this age Tomoyo always had been mature far rlm@2: beyond her years. "I'm glad. So, did you tell him your feelings?" rlm@2: "I did," I answered again. Taking a deep breath I stepped a rlm@2: little closer to the other girl, my hands still hid behind my back, so rlm@2: that the young heiress couldn't see what I was holding. "And I do love rlm@2: him." Tomoyo's smile faltered for a very, very tiny moment. I would rlm@2: have never seen it if I hadn't known what to look for. I was certain rlm@2: now. "But there's someone I love just as much and who needs me more rlm@2: than he does." rlm@2: Tomoyo tilted her head, again looking confused, there was a rlm@2: glimmer of... hope in her eyes but it instantly vanished again. Well, rlm@2: not for long, I would make sure of that. "Who's that?" rlm@2: Ah, I didn't know that my friend could be so cute when she was rlm@2: baffled about something. Probably because I had rarely ever seen her rlm@2: like this. She almost never was surprised by anything. I smiled at rlm@2: her, for the first time in days - maybe even weeks or months - a rlm@2: radiant smile was brought to my lips and it was all directed at rlm@2: Tomoyo. I could swear the other girl nearly fainted. "You see," I rlm@2: continued, wishing nothing more than to plunge ahead and confess but rlm@2: needing to clear this up, "if it comes down to it, it hurt knowing rlm@2: that Syaoran-kun left but both of us eventually can live without the rlm@2: other. Syaoran doesn't necessarily need me to give his life meaning rlm@2: and neither do I need him for that. However," I fixed the girl in rlm@2: front of me with an intent gaze, "I don't think I can live without rlm@2: you. Can you?" rlm@2: Tomoyo's voice was thick with emotion and I could see tears rlm@2: glistering in her eyes, a rather rare thing but I was certain they rlm@2: were more joyful than sad. "What... What do you mean?" she whispered rlm@2: softly. rlm@2: Finally bringing around my hands I held out the neatly-crafted rlm@2: bear to her. My skills in sewing had improved a little and so I had rlm@2: found it easier to finish it... not to mention I did it a lot faster, rlm@2: leaving me enough time to talk to Syaroan and get here. Trying to rlm@2: convey all the honesty and emotion that I had tried to understand for rlm@2: so long and now finally did, I answered earnestly. "It means I decided rlm@2: that I want you to be my special person, Tomoyo-chan." rlm@2: For a long moment the other girl just stood there, stunned and rlm@2: lost for words. When she finally reached out to take the bear from my rlm@2: hands, her own hands were trembling and I felt myself almost drowning rlm@2: in the swirl of blue eyes, moist with tears, resembling a whirlpool of rlm@2: emotions. I have never seen such joy in my friend's eyes. Not once. rlm@2: "Can... Can I name it Sakura?" rlm@2: I smiled at her warmly. "No, you can't. I insist on it." And rlm@2: with that I stepped forward, nearly crushing my new namesake as I rlm@2: enveloped Tomoyo in a crushing embrace, full of all the love, the rlm@2: intensity of how much I had missed her. It was a little awkward for me rlm@2: at first since I was still trying to get used to being ten years again rlm@2: but I quickly relaxed in the close contact, cherishing the relief and rlm@2: the incredible joy crashing through me like a tidal wave. rlm@2: "I love you, Tomoyo-chan," I whispered, my head buried in the rlm@2: silky, lavender hair I had always adored and envied a little. rlm@2: Tomoyo sniffled a few times before she managed to reply. "I love rlm@2: you, too. Even if you are not exactly my Sakura-chan." rlm@2: I smiled faintly and a bit rueful, pushing her away gently to rlm@2: hold her on arm's length. Making sure she was looking at me, I softly rlm@2: said, "I am your Sakura. A bit older than I should probably be, but rlm@2: being here with you makes me happier than I have been in a long time. rlm@2: Because of you, I can smile again. You are right, I am not totally the rlm@2: innocent girl you knew anymore but one thing I will always be..." rlm@2: Leaning forward I planted a feather-light peck on the lips of a rlm@2: pleasantly surprised Tomoyo who looked like she was going to light the rlm@2: entire building soon, judged by the bright glow of utter bliss in her rlm@2: face. I knew more wouldn't seem quite right. We were still kids, rlm@2: physically, after all. "I will always be yours, as long as you want to rlm@2: have me and even if you don't." rlm@2: This time it was Tomoyo who pulled me into a hug without meeting rlm@2: much resistance. "I will always be yours as well. I never doubted you rlm@2: were Sakura and in the end it doesn't matter that you are a little rlm@2: different. I love everything about you, that never has been a rlm@2: question. Younger or older, it doesn't matter." rlm@2: We stood there, right next to the door, locked in a tight rlm@2: embrace, not caring about the world around us or the stares of some of rlm@2: the other students. It didn't matter right now. Our hearts were one rlm@2: for this timeless moment, finally at peace and where they always rlm@2: longed to be. Yes, my decision had been the right one after all. I rlm@2: hadn't lied to Tomoyo either. I knew that with her by my side, I could rlm@2: gain back some of the innocence and freedom of my youth and with time rlm@2: the memories of the last days would dwindle to nothing more than a rlm@2: long nightmare that faded away gradually after waking. There would be rlm@2: consequences for my actions. I knew that much and Kero-chan had rlm@2: reminded me again and again after he found out but I was sure with my rlm@2: best... my girlfriend - another honest smile - by my side, together, rlm@2: we could face it all. After all, WE had a magic phrase. rlm@2: Everything will surely be alright. rlm@2: rlm@2: THE END rlm@2: (will possibly be continued) rlm@2: rlm@2: Author's Notes rlm@2: rlm@2: Well, that was fun. I seem to be getting better at short stories rlm@2: lately. Again, as I said in the beginning, it might be a little rough. rlm@2: A lot of my impression on the characters (especially Sakura since its rlm@2: her POV) came from reading the manga once and from some fanfics. I am rlm@2: still trying to build a clear picture of the charas in my mind. rlm@2: I want to thank Heather (from Amazoness Duo) and G.P. again for their rlm@2: wonderful story "Dear Sakura". That had been the first CCS fic I read rlm@2: with almost the full knowledge of the manga in mind and I believe it rlm@2: will always influences my opinion of the characters in a way. I rlm@2: wouldn't say this was what prompted me to write this, but it helped rlm@2: immensely. rlm@2: rlm@2: Anyway, I am aware that there are a lot of open questions. Like, what rlm@2: did happen in the original timeline? Or what are the consequences for rlm@2: using/capturing Time? Why has it been sealed away in the first place? rlm@2: I did leave all those unanswered. First of all it would have been too rlm@2: much to fit into a short story and then... it leaves me opportunities rlm@2: for sequels. :) *looks over shoulder* Maia (my muse) is probably rlm@2: already planning... *sigh* rlm@2: rlm@2: That's it then. Feedback is always appreciated. Email is in the header rlm@2: (or probably linked anyway wherever you find this). I appreciate rlm@2: constructive criticism, positive or negative, but will never refuse rlm@2: simple feedback (like, "Liked the story"). rlm@2: rlm@2: Ja ne, yours rlm@2: rlm@2: Matthias rlm@2: