rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Love is the Crooked Thing
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: By G. P.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Comments can be sent to the author at: treeandleaf2002@yahoo.com
rlm@0: Note: All characters and names are copyright CLAMP. This work is in
rlm@0: no way meant to infringe upon their intellectual property rights.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: BROWN PENNY by William Butler Yeats
rlm@0:  
rlm@0: I WHISPERED, "I am too young," 
rlm@0: And then, "I am old enough"; 
rlm@0: Wherefore I threw a penny 
rlm@0: To find out if I might love. 
rlm@0: "Go and love, go and love, young man, 
rlm@0: If the lady be young and fair." 
rlm@0: Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, 
rlm@0: I am looped in the loops of her hair. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: O love is the crooked thing, 
rlm@0: There is nobody wise enough 
rlm@0: To find out all that is in it, 
rlm@0: For he would be thinking of love 
rlm@0: Till the stars had run away 
rlm@0: And the shadows eaten the moon. 
rlm@0: Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, 
rlm@0: One cannot begin it too soon.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Drawing a deep breath, pursing her lips in hesitant uncertainty,
rlm@0: Sakura flicked the clasp of The Book. Like a shot, the click
rlm@0: resounded loudly in the dimly lit room. Glancing up nervously, half-
rlm@0: expecting the entire household to come running, Sakura let out a
rlm@0: long, shaky sigh,.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Hoeeee, should I be doing this?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: And without Kero to help, too. Another wave of ambivalence swept her
rlm@0: pajama-clad form as she hugged herself tightly in the chill night
rlm@0: air. For almost a month, she had been in turmoil, a gripping, minute-
rlm@0: to-minute whirlwind of heartsick emotion. Knitting her brow, Sakura
rlm@0: concentrated on the cards, willing them to come forth. Like leaves in
rlm@0: a storm they fluttered from the book, lightly spinning in a
rlm@0: breezeless swirl. Carefully reciting their names, Sakura closed her
rlm@0: eyes, hearing them fall softly to the table. Then, silence.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Blinking her green eyes open, she stared at the two piles neatly
rlm@0: stacked before her. Sakura gently placed the bigger pile back in the
rlm@0: book, closing the cover and clasping the golden latch with a decisive
rlm@0: "snick".
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "All right, how did we do it before? 'Divide 4 with your left hand,
rlm@0: in any order you like'"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: She remembered Kero coaching her the first time, sagely fluttering
rlm@0: about as she arranged the cards. Oneechan had been in terrible
rlm@0: danger, tricked by an illusion of Mirror. She had  felt his danger as
rlm@0: a cold fist gripping her heart, squeezing tightly. The feeling now
rlm@0: was just as intense, but so very different: not cold, but hot, not
rlm@0: sharp and focused, but wild and dizzying. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "There"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: She looked down at the 10 cards, arranged in three neat rows of
rlm@0: three, with one set to the right side. Closing her eyes again, she
rlm@0: began to chant,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Cards made by Clow, answer my question. Show me the truth of the
rlm@0: situation before me".
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Speaking these last words, her heart fluttered as she drew a quick
rlm@0: breath. Thinking, do I really want to know the truth? For a month she
rlm@0: had not. She had turned away, closed her eyes, and desperately tried
rlm@0: to shut out the feelings that battered against her. Like a frightened
rlm@0: animal she had run, in sheer terror, from her own confused emotions.
rlm@0: But every day those feelings caught her, like baying hounds that
rlm@0: could not be stilled, hot breath on her neck, eagerly flushing her
rlm@0: into the open and cruelly driving her to ground. She shivered again,
rlm@0: sensing a whirling wind above the cards as her chant took effect. Her
rlm@0: auburn-red hair was lifted and tossed as her pajamas rustled and
rlm@0: flapped in the breeze. When the little zephyr died out, she blinked
rlm@0: her eyes open, gazing at the middle card in the top most row.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "This is who is talking to me?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: With a strangely steady hand, for the nervousness had drained away,
rlm@0: The Mistress of the Cards turned over... The Flower.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Eeeehhhh?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Puzzled, Sakura stared at the card, a sweat drop forming. Flower?
rlm@0: Not some Card of power and drama, like Dream, or Sword, or Windy?
rlm@0: Flower?! It was more than disappointing, it was…. irritating. For all
rlm@0: the wrenching agony she'd been through in the past weeks, it was
rlm@0: Flower that was talking to her?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "This can't be right", she mumbled to herself. But it all looked
rlm@0: right, no, it felt right, too. If she didn't know the source of the
rlm@0: feelings that wracked her, she at least knew the Cards. And this was
rlm@0: right. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "OK, Flower. I found you at the School Festival, practically
rlm@0: drowning us in petals. Kero said you like people, and parties, and
rlm@0: fun, and, " Sakura felt a blush creeping up her neck, "and you danced
rlm@0: with me, hee". Hannyann! After the shock wore off it had been kind of
rlm@0: fun, dancing on the rooftop among the scents of a thousand blossoms.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: So, it was Flower that called to her. But looking at the Card,
rlm@0: Sakura could not believe that so gentle a thing could cause such
rlm@0: stormy feelings. With a quick breath, Sakura remembered yesterday in
rlm@0: school. Fidgety in class, the teacher calling her who knows how many
rlm@0: times before she came to, Tomoyo tugging desperately at her sleeve,
rlm@0: smiling as always. She remembered furious words with Li, stomping
rlm@0: away from the puzzled and angry boy. And even Tomoyo! Turning her
rlm@0: back on her very best friend, running away, sobbing. Wiping away the
rlm@0: tears with her pajama sleeve, she remembered the image of Tomoyo,
rlm@0: crushed, hurt beyond measure, clutching her hands tightly as Sakura
rlm@0: raced away from her. Guiltily looking at the pink cell phone, knowing
rlm@0: who had tried to call her all night before turning it off. Thinking,
rlm@0: “Now, I'm even hurting Tomoyo-chan”. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: That's why she had to know, she could not put it off. Not knowing
rlm@0: the feelings that battered her was painful, but now it was hurting 
rlm@0: the people that she loved so dearly. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Well,” she thought, “let's see just who, or what, is behind all of
rlm@0: this.” Looking decisievely at the middle row of cards, she reached
rlm@0: out and turned them over, 1, 2, 3.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The emerald eyes widened as she scanned the cards. This made even
rlm@0: less sense than Flower trying to talk to her. There was nothing sweet
rlm@0: about the agony she had been feeling. Her heart racing and stopping,
rlm@0: flushed hot and cold, dizzy and spinney with a longing that was
rlm@0: tearing her apart. And a Silent Song? That was impossible,
rlm@0: ridiculous. What sort of song can be silent? TV with the sound off?
rlm@0: Karaoke? A broken CD player? But again, the Cards felt right.
rlm@0: Whoever, or whatever, was causing her to suffer was there on the
rlm@0: table, spelled out in three Clow Cards.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Closing her eyes, Sakura concentrated, as hard as she ever had. The
rlm@0: world fell away, room and house and family and friends and the whole
rlm@0: wide world vanishing into an inner darkness. Only three cards in a
rlm@0: black, velvety silence. Concentrate! For untold minutes, her
rlm@0: breathing stilled, heart barely beating, there nothing but the three
rlm@0: cards. All thoughts and feelings drifting away like incense at a
rlm@0: temple, wispy little nothings in the vast dark. And then, she heard it.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: From far, far away, down a tunnel or a tube or a cave, barely
rlm@0: audible in the inky midnight, a voice...no, a song! Sweet beyond
rlm@0: words, charming, alluring, and hauntingly beautiful. Sakura's heart
rlm@0: suddenly pounding, racing away from her as a stormy, thundering
rlm@0: whirlwind ripped apart the darkness, drowning out the faint melody.
rlm@0: With a shuddering gasp, she came to, reeling, dizzy,  the cards on
rlm@0: the table slowly coming into focus:  
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Breathing heavily, her fists in tight little balls, Sakura forced
rlm@0: herself to calm down. Only one more. Pursing her lips, she glanced at
rlm@0: the outside Card, separate, alone in it's own little row. This is the
rlm@0: card that will tell me where. With mounting excitement, she reached
rlm@0: for the card, then hesitated. What would she do when she knew? In a
rlm@0: way, the not knowing was easier. Painful, yes, but not knowing was
rlm@0: easier, safer, and more comfortable, because by not knowing, she did
rlm@0: not have to do anything. With a smile, Sakura suddenly reached for
rlm@0: the final card. She knew herself well enough. When she knew, she
rlm@0: would act. From the very first sounds in the basement, she had faced
rlm@0: whatever came along. Sometimes fearfully, sometimes with a push or a
rlm@0: tug from Kero or Li, but she had met the cards, one by one. Her
rlm@0: little hand reached out, flipping the final card over.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The Maze.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Well, this at least made sense. Total, complete sense. Because
rlm@0: whatever, or whoever, was affecting her so severely was hidden far,
rlm@0: far away. It almost seemed that she had been in a maze herself for
rlm@0: weeks, stumbling up and down one blind alley after another. Fear of
rlm@0: the time she and Li and Tomoyo were trapped in the Maze dissipated as
rlm@0: her confidence burned brightly. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "This is a maze I can understand.” Sakura’s once gentle face was set
rlm@0: with an iron determination. Smiling, she whispered, “Now I'll find
rlm@0: you".
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Standing up, Sakura tightly clasped the Key at her breast.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Oh Key that hides the power of darkness, obey your Mistress”.
rlm@0: Arching over the table, the girl picked up the Maze card and tossed
rlm@0: it in the air as her room dissolved into golden light. Twirling her
rlm@0: staff above her head, Sakura lunged and struck the fluttering card.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Release"!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Part 2
rlm@0: In the Labyrinth
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Standing at the gaping entrance of the maze, feeling a cool breeze
rlm@0: from the deep dark within, Sakura suddenly wavered as a sickly fear
rlm@0: settled upon her. There would be no help if she entered, no Tomoyo or
rlm@0: Li or Mizuki-sensei to fetch her out. If she went in it was alone,
rlm@0: except for whatever awaited within. Drawing a deep breath, she
rlm@0: stepped lightly across the threshold, the golden light swallowed up
rlm@0: behind her. As her eyes adjusted to the dim contours of the smooth
rlm@0: walls, a sudden thought brought her to an equally sudden stop, 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “And once I’m in, how will I ever get out?” With a quick smile she
rlm@0: drew the Flower Card and flicked it into the air. “Release! And leave
rlm@0: a trail of petals that follows my every step!”
rlm@0: Now, with every step a gentle rain of pink sakura petals marked her
rlm@0: way. Plunging into the darkness, the tiny pajama-clad figure listened
rlm@0: for the haunting strains of Song. But all was silent, save for the
rlm@0: soft shuffling of her own feet. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: On and on she went, sometimes doubling back, sometimes spiraling
rlm@0: around and around as the gray walls curved and looped. Finally, after
rlm@0: what seemed like hours, Sakura slumped against the wall in an
rlm@0: exhausted and frustrated heap.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “I’m going nowhere like this”. She shut her eyes tight, listening,
rlm@0: hearing only silence. “OK, stop walking, and concentrate. Concentrate…”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  Three Cards: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: She had heard the Song, sweet and melodic, faint but clear and
rlm@0: compelling. Now, there was only silence. The three cards were keys to
rlm@0: what had plunged her into turmoil for the past month. Her senses,
rlm@0: made keen and sharp by the year of hunting the Cards, could not
rlm@0: detect the presence of a Clow Card in all of this. With analytic
rlm@0: eyes, she turned to the stormy emotions that had beset her
rlm@0: since...since when?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Since I found out about Yue". 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Yue, the real Yukito; and so coldly different. With a wistful
rlm@0: sadness she recalled lights like falling stars at the festival, a
rlm@0: gentle glance, the lazy arc of a candy thrown from a bike. Her
rlm@0: affection for him was undimmed, but, changed somehow. She shook her
rlm@0: head, jumped up with a start, and began walking again. Since Yue,
rlm@0: there had been an emptiness, a hole in her heart where a chill breeze
rlm@0: blew. But the strange, powerful feelings that wracked her were not
rlm@0: because of Yue, not about him at all. Or, rather, it was because he
rlm@0: was gone that those sweet, painful feelings were unleashed. It was as
rlm@0: if a dam had broken, and a flood of emotion, long bottled up, had
rlm@0: gushed forth sweeping all before it.   
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sweet, painful feelings. She stopped, standing quite still, and
rlm@0: closed her eyes. Sweet feelings? Yes, they were. They hurt, they
rlm@0: hounded her, and they had turned her life inside out. And yet, there
rlm@0: was an intense, breathless sweetness. It was like the delightful
rlm@0: feeling she had had with Yukito, or Mizuki-sensei, hannyann! But
rlm@0: wrapped tightly with a longing, an aching sense of incompleteness,
rlm@0: and an intensity that frightened her as no Clow Card ever had. And
rlm@0: whatever caused it was in here, with her, silent. Whatever, or whoever.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Frustrated, she began walking again, one hand following the smooth,
rlm@0: cool wall, the endless corridors leading nowhere, the petaled path
rlm@0: stretching behind her into the distance. If only she could hear the
rlm@0: song again, she could get her bearings. She thought of Tomoyo-chan's
rlm@0: songs, her sweet voice, and suddenly felt a pang of longing for her
rlm@0: friend. Alone, the auburn haired girl realized how much she missed
rlm@0: the presence of the one who was always  at her side, with her on all
rlm@0: her adventures, waiting for her at school, always with a kindly look,
rlm@0: a gentle touch, and encouraging words.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo-chan. The wonder, the miracle of her friendship was something
rlm@0: she often took for granted amid the whirl of the Cards. But here,
rlm@0: alone in the twilight halls, she keenly felt the absence of that
rlm@0: sweet, loving presence. Even her odd obsessions, the costumes and the
rlm@0: videotapes (sweat drop forming), were signs of her love. Then, with a
rlm@0: gasp, Sakura  froze.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Her love. Sakura, mouth open, stared at the ground in stunned
rlm@0: surprise. Her love. The crimson heat of an epochal blush crept up her
rlm@0: neck and shoulders and, like a red tsunami,  overwhelmed her. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "She...she likes me...like that". 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Gripping the staff at her chest with both hands, Sakura stood
rlm@0: breathless. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "She...loves me". Shaking her head furiously, she cried, "Hooeee,
rlm@0: why didn't I see? Why didn't she tell me? Why?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Closing her eyes, Sakura thought of how unspeakably painful it must
rlm@0: have been for Tomoyo-chan, her most precious gift unseen and
rlm@0: unrecognized. But from Tomoyo, never a reproachful glare, an angry
rlm@0: word, never anything but unbounded, unconditional love. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Baka", exclaimed Sakura, as her tears fell freely, 'How can I have
rlm@0: been so stupid? All this time, she loved me, and I, I didn't even
rlm@0: know. I'm so sorry, Tomoyo-chan, I'm so, so sorry...." Dropping to
rlm@0: her knees, the Mistress of the Cards buried her face in her hands,
rlm@0: sobbing.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: All this time, loving me...silently loving me. Through teary eyes,
rlm@0: Sakura stared into the distance and whispered,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Silently....loving me?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: And then, she heard it again. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Louder this time, the song wafted from the center, the very heart of
rlm@0: the maze. Staggering to her feet, Sakura stumbled towards the sound.
rlm@0: Her face, streaked with tears, brightened as she recognized the voice,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Tomoyo-chan...Tomoyo-chan!"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Racing towards the source of the song, Sakura felt her heart
rlm@0: throbbing from excitment and exertion. All the feelings of the past
rlm@0: month welled up inside her, but focused now, like a laser beam of
rlm@0: light. Now she understood. The roaring tempest within, no longer
rlm@0: angry at her ignorance, throbbed in harmony with her own heart. Now,
rlm@0: at last, she realized who she loved, had always loved, and always
rlm@0: would love for ever and ever and ever.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Tomoyo-chan!"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Ahead, a pale, amythest light shone as the maze began to dissipate
rlm@0: and dissolve. The love song flowed like the burbling water of a
rlm@0: mountain brook, like white-hot lava, like the stars and the suns and
rlm@0: the moons in the black velvet river of the sky. Sobbing, laughing,
rlm@0: delighted, Sakura neared the white shrouded, dark haired singer
rlm@0: bathed in a shimmering, purple glow. Slowly the figure turned to face
rlm@0: her, blue eyes sparkling, smiling.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Sakura-chan?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Puzzled, smiling, Tomoyo took her friend by the hand, leading her
rlm@0: into the spacious room. A shadow of concern darkened her face as she
rlm@0: squeezed the girl's hand and whispered,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Sakura-chan, are you all right?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Catching her breath, blinking as she realized the maze had vanished,
rlm@0: Sakura saw the familiar outlines of her friend's room. Looking at
rlm@0: Tomoyo she smiled, blushed fiercely, then glanced away.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Tomoyo-chan, I...."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo gently held her hands, head tilted to one side, and gazed in
rlm@0: wonder.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Tomoyo-chan, I like you. I...I really like you".
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: With a musical laugh that angels might envy, Tomoyo beamed and
rlm@0: replied,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "I like you too, Sakura."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Shaking her head wildly, Sakura squeezed the startled girl's hands
rlm@0: in an iron grip.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "No...NO! I don't mean it like that. I....Tomoyo," Her emerald eyes
rlm@0: flashed fire as she grappled with the words,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Tomoyo I....I love you. I love you, too"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: For a long second, Tomoyo's face was a mask of shock and surprise.
rlm@0: Then, smiling through the tears, blue eyes shimmering in unforeseen
rlm@0: joy, her face shone with a radiant, heavenly light. Hand in hand,
rlm@0: eyes locked together, the two friends stood alabaster still. Leaning
rlm@0: closer, Sakura felt a warm breath against her tear-stained cheek.
rlm@0: Eyes closing, her lips lightly brushed against Tomoyo's. Tomoyo
rlm@0: wrapped her arms around Sakura as she returned the kiss with a gentle
rlm@0: passion.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sakura and Tomoyo stood, entwined and oblivious, as Flower gaily
rlm@0: danced above them, showering the lovers in a hurricane of blossoms.  
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Love is the sweet, silent song. And in the maze lies Tomoyo,
rlm@0: waiting, her silent song heard at last by Sakura, who braves the
rlm@0: confusion of the Maze to bring back her one true Love.