
rlm@0: Salutations. Sorry for the length of time it was between stories . .
rlm@0: . actually, no,  I'm not too sure if I am. I got three E-mails
rlm@0: regarding Toujours. One asked me when the next chapter was coming
rlm@0: out, another condemned my actions, and a third was a fiction idea. A
rlm@0: few E-mails here and there that tell me you enjoy my reading, or hate
rlm@0: it, and the reasons why would be very helpful for not only better
rlm@0: stories but my actual will to write them. Address is the same if you
rlm@0: want to E-Mail me: Saturn_Knight@hotmail.com . Anyhow, this is the
rlm@0: idea of the person who E-mailed me, and thus dedicated to her. Enjoy,
rlm@0: Maggie.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	Yet another overcast, cloudy day in Japan. The wind ripped through
rlm@0: the trees, scattering leaves across the lush green grass of the park
rlm@0: where both Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were sitting. It was on the cooler
rlm@0: side, and neither girl had anything warmer than a heavy sweater,
rlm@0: though neither wanted to move from their location. However, a stray
rlm@0: gust of wind caught Hotaru off guard, causing her to shiver and pull
rlm@0: her arms tighter around herself.
rlm@0: 	"Are you cold?" Chibi-Usa asked, worried that her friend might
rlm@0: catch a chill and become sick. Hotaru only had time to nod once
rlm@0: before she was moved, being rearranged by Chibi-Usa .  "Here, what if
rlm@0: I sit like..." Hotaru's back was moved against the other girl's chest
rlm@0: and a set of  arms found their way around her body, clasping around
rlm@0: her stomach. Chibi felt a little odd with the position, thinking she
rlm@0: was behaving too much like her mother and Mamoru, but she wanted to
rlm@0: keep her friend warm. Hotaru smiled over her shoulder, her eyes have
rlm@0: closed with sleep, before she settled into her friend's body,
rlm@0: thinking the position was all too right.
rlm@0: 	"Tired too huh?" The pink haired girl asked, adjusting her body so
rlm@0: that Hotaru's shoulder didn't hit her directly in the rib. Once more,
rlm@0: the quiet girl nodded, yawning as if to accentuate Chibi's point
rlm@0: before growing still. "Yeah, sleep on me." Chibi mumbled with a smile
rlm@0: on her face, "You're like just like Artemis." Hotaru didn't rise a
rlm@0: reply, only the quiet, steady sound of her breathing was heard in the
rlm@0: still of the park evening. The smaller girl's mind began to wander,
rlm@0: looking her friend over thoughtfully before coming to an unusual
rlm@0: conclusion, ‘She trusts me enough to sleep...and with her that's a
rlm@0: pretty big thing.' Chibi thought, trying to hold as still as possible
rlm@0: though her body tried to make her fidget. ‘I've only seen her sleep
rlm@0: in bed at home, in my room on the floor, or with Puu, but...' Her
rlm@0: tiny, soft hand brushed some of Hotaru's hair from in front of her
rlm@0: eyes, ‘Not me...not like this.'
rlm@0: 	A mix of emotions began to work their way through Chibi's system:
rlm@0: happiness, flattery, excitement, but also uncertainty and doubt.
rlm@0: ‘Maybe she's just to exhausted...I made her run around a lot today.'
rlm@0: She thought to herself, pursing her lips as she again commanded her
rlm@0: body to remain still. ‘She's probably just too tired to stay
rlm@0: awake...but....maybe she trusts me? Of course she trusts me, she's my
rlm@0: best friend! She tells me things she'd never tell anyone
rlm@0: else...but...' Chibi shook her head quickly to clear her thoughts,
rlm@0: the ends of her hair slapping her in the face. The movement roused
rlm@0: Hotaru, who took a deep breath and opened her eyes.
rlm@0: 	"I fell asleep..." she thought verbally, sitting up, putting a hand
rlm@0: to her face and rubbing the open palm down her cheek. "I'm sorry."
rlm@0: Hotaru spoke aloud and turned to face Chibi, her voice sounding
rlm@0: groggy and disconnected. The pink haired girl glanced away, looking
rlm@0: hurt. ‘It was an accident...' She stood up, brushing her jeans off,
rlm@0: ‘She didn't do it because she trusted me.' This quick movement
rlm@0: startled Hotaru, who fell back onto her ankles and looked up at Chibi
rlm@0: questioningly.
rlm@0: 	"Let's go home." The smaller girl said with a slight snip in her
rlm@0: voice that made Hotaru wonder what she did wrong. ‘She's.....not mad
rlm@0: that I fell asleep on her, is she?' Hotaru thought as she got to her
rlm@0: feet and balanced herself from the uneasy equilibrium of someone who
rlm@0: just woke. Putting a hand on Chibi's shoulder to keep herself
rlm@0: upright, Hotaru got a sharp look and quickly withdrew it. ‘She's mad
rlm@0: at me,' the black haired girl thought, looking to her feet and
rlm@0: wrapping her arms around herself. ‘She's upset that I fell asleep on
rlm@0: her...maybe I should just go home for the night...' "I'm really
rlm@0: sorry, Chibi-Usa....I swear."
rlm@0: 	"I know you are." Chibi answered, thinking ‘That's why it hurts...'
rlm@0: "Come on," and she started in the direction back to Usagi's house not
rlm@0: waiting to see if Hotaru followed.
rlm@0: 	‘I'm sorry.....' Hotaru thought, hanging her head and beginning to
rlm@0: follow after her friend who had a considerable lead on her, ‘I didn't
rlm@0: mean to assume too much trust...'
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	Back at the Tsukino residence, both girls sat on the floor in
rlm@0: Chibi's room in complete silence. The blatherings of Usagi were heard
rlm@0: through the walls as she yakked away on the phone to one of her
rlm@0: friends. "When she's done, I'll call Michi-Mama and go home." Hotaru
rlm@0: said, not looking at Chibi, in a timid, almost frightened voice.
rlm@0: ‘You're mad at me and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin things if I
rlm@0: stay...'
rlm@0: 	"If you want to," Chibi replied, picking up a manga that was on the
rlm@0: table next to her and started flipping through the pages. ‘She's that
rlm@0: upset with herself....she can't trust me anymore? We used to sleep
rlm@0: over all the time, why is it different now?' Drawings of various
rlm@0: characters flew by her as she furiously turned the pages, ‘Was it
rlm@0: because I was holding onto her?' Hotaru noticed Chibi's obviously
rlm@0: riled demeanor and heaved a sigh, thinking ‘She can't wait for me to
rlm@0: leave...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to assume!'
rlm@0: 	Neither said a word after that, and Usagi hadn't closed her mouth
rlm@0: for a full 10 minutes. Hotaru hugged her legs to her chest, her chin
rlm@0: resting on her tight-covered knees with her eyes cast down onto the
rlm@0: floor. She was thinking, which was always a dangerous thing,
rlm@0: especially in the emotional state she was in now. Hotaru remembered
rlm@0: all the fun times she and Chibi-Usa had in the past: parties, sleep
rlm@0: overs, playing at the park, or even just sitting and spilling their
rlm@0: hearts out to each other. ‘All of that's over now...' The silence
rlm@0: senshi told herself, ‘Because you let yourself fall asleep when she
rlm@0: was holding you....now she's going to know how you feel, and she's
rlm@0: going to tell you to go away because she's in love with HIM.'
rlm@0: 	Chibi glanced at her friend, a little concerned. Even if Hotaru
rlm@0: wasn't speaking aloud, she couldn't hide her ragged breathing and how
rlm@0: her arms clutched her legs tighter with every passing second. ‘She's
rlm@0: that mad at me? Oh Hotaru, don't hate me... I just wanted to make you
rlm@0: comfortable...' Hotaru let out a swift, uneven breath as she clutched
rlm@0: her legs tight enough to make her knees crack. ‘Oh gods, no... don't
rlm@0: take it out on yourself... I better say something...' "Puu said that
rlm@0: Helios was asking about me again." Chibi remarked, saying the first
rlm@0: thing that came to her head, but instantly wondered if it was the
rlm@0: right thing to do.
rlm@0: 	Hotaru gave Chibi a look as if she'd just struck her, her mouth
rlm@0: hanging open for a fraction of a second before she caught herself,
rlm@0: only nodding in response. ‘She's telling me about HIM...' Hotaru
rlm@0: thought, mentally hissing the last word, not even wanting to think
rlm@0: his name. ‘She's doing it because she wants me to know she's still in
rlm@0: love with him, and that thing at the park was just a friendly
rlm@0: thing...' She swallowed hard and rested her forehead on her knees
rlm@0: now, looking down at the floor, her face hidden.
rlm@0: ‘I'll never be able to be anything more than a friend to her. She's
rlm@0: always going to see me as just a friend. No matter what I do...god,
rlm@0: don't start here, you're only going to embarrass yourself.' But she
rlm@0: couldn't hold it in anymore, and the tears started to drip from her
rlm@0: eyes, quickly being absorbed into her tights. Hotaru daren't make a
rlm@0: sound.
rlm@0: 	"I want to go back and see him soon," Chibi said, looking out the
rlm@0: window, only trying to make Hotaru happy. She figured that the reason
rlm@0: Hotaru was so upset was that they were so physically close to each
rlm@0: other and she'd gotten uncomfortable. "I wonder what our wedding is
rlm@0: going to be like?" The pink haired girl mused aloud, closing her eyes
rlm@0: to picture the event. "I want lots of flowers, and music, and
rlm@0: everyone's going to be invited." She paused to consider something,
rlm@0: tilting her head, "And I can have a really big cake, cus I know
rlm@0: Usagi's going to be a pig and eat it all."
rlm@0: 	Hotaru started to shake, ‘Why is she doing this to me?' the tears
rlm@0: were flowing harder now and she had to give everything she had to
rlm@0: avoid sobbing loudly and running out of the room. ‘Is she trying to
rlm@0: hurt me? I didn't think she'd do that...did I make her that mad? Oh,
rlm@0: Chibi don't do this to me...please!' But, she only nodded, fighting
rlm@0: to keep her sniffles silent as she listened to her friend continue.
rlm@0: 	"Oh, and a really big dress. I want one that's pink and white with
rlm@0: little yellow bunnies on the veil, so he has to laugh when he kisses
rlm@0: me." Chibi smiled faintly at the thought, but only for effect. Her
rlm@0: heart wasn't in it. She was only saying what she thought Hotaru
rlm@0: wanted to hear, and looking out the window, she didn't notice that
rlm@0: the black haired girl cringed and tightened her hands into fists at
rlm@0: the mention of a kiss. Chibi-Usa continued, "Then comes the
rlm@0: honeymoon...where do you think he and I should go?"
rlm@0: 	Hotaru thought for a moment, knowing full well where she wanted to
rlm@0: send Helios, but only shrugged her shoulders. She would be
rlm@0: nice....she had to be, Chibi loved him, and she had no choice but to
rlm@0: accept that. Her friend was happy with this guy, and she would be
rlm@0: happy for her. Even if it killed her.
rlm@0: 	"I want somewhere romantic..." Chibi-Usa said, making her best
rlm@0: effort to sound wistful, and dreamy, "Because...you know, honey moon
rlm@0: stuff." That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Hotaru simply
rlm@0: couldn't take it any more. Giving in to her body's desires, she
rlm@0: simply let go and allowed herself to sob. It terrified Chjbi; it
rlm@0: didn't seem human, so much agony was reserved for the damned. It was
rlm@0: followed by a short, but loud scream as Hotaru slammed her fist into
rlm@0: the floor in frustration with herself and the situation. A soft,
rlm@0: sickening cracking sound issued from the blow, but it was completely
rlm@0: disregarded. "Hotaru....?" Chibi asked carefully, as a tear soaked
rlm@0: face raised from to look upon her.  Hotaru's eyes were bloodshot, and
rlm@0: her skin was discolored from the tears and the dirt that was on the
rlm@0: knees of her tights from falling earlier.
rlm@0: 	"What, Chibi-Usa? What?" Hotaru managed between sobs, angry, but
rlm@0: not at her friend. "Want advice on what you should do with HIM!?"
rlm@0: That scared Chibi-Usa, who had frightening flash backs of Mistress 9,
rlm@0: and the sheer destructive nature that Hotaru possessed. Unable to
rlm@0: control herself, Hotaru bawled loudly, though Usagi's faint
rlm@0: conversation continued in the background. "I can't take it
rlm@0: anymore....I can't....I just can't!"
rlm@0: 	"Take what Hotaru!? You've been mean to me ever since the park! You
rlm@0: get mad at me cus you fall asleep, and then tell me that you didn't
rlm@0: mean to! You didn't know how happy it made me for you to show how
rlm@0: much you trusted me!" Chibi was just as agitated as Hotaru now, and
rlm@0: was speaking before she thought. ‘Oh god, that's only going to make
rlm@0: her mad...please don't hurt yourself anymore... Please....'
rlm@0: 	"What?! You got mad and ran away when I told you I was sorry! I
rlm@0: just was so comfortable with you, and so happy to be around you that
rlm@0: I fell asleep! I said I was sorry!" Hotaru was too worked up to grasp
rlm@0: the situation, normally very keen on things, she simply couldn't see
rlm@0: where their messages got mixed up. "I didn't mean to!"
rlm@0: 	"You....trusted me?" Chibi's voice dropped from a yell to a
rlm@0: whisper. ‘It wasn't a mistake...oh gods what have I done?!'
rlm@0: "Hotaru...oh no, no, no...gods no..." she approached the black haired
rlm@0: girl who took a step back and stood defensively to the advancement.
rlm@0: Her hand was already bruised a hideous, deep purple that marred her
rlm@0: alabaster perfection. ‘Oh Hotaru what have I done to you?! But....why
rlm@0: did you get so mad? I have to know....' Swallowing hard, Chibi asked
rlm@0: the question that could make, or break their friendship, "Why did you
rlm@0: get so mad when I mention Helios?"
rlm@0: 	"Why...?" Hotaru asked, shaking her head, "Why...? Because you talk
rlm@0: about him like he's some kind of god! You tell me all the time about
rlm@0: how much you miss him, or how much you want to go back to see him."
rlm@0: Ignoring the pain that started to throb in her fingers, Hotaru
rlm@0: continued. "I'm jealous, Chibi-Usa. JEALOUS! I'm not perfect!"
rlm@0: 	"Jealous of what?! You're my best friend, I tell you EVERYTHING! I
rlm@0: tell you things I could never tell him!" Chibi shouted back, now
rlm@0: aggravated by Hotaru's unneeded jealousy. "Why are you so upset?!"
rlm@0: 	"Because I'm in love with you, that's why!" Hotaru yelled at Chibi
rlm@0: before she could even realize what she'd said. Both of them stood in
rlm@0: shock, Chibi-Usa's mouth dropping open as she stared at her friend
rlm@0: who suddenly grew sheepish, turning away as she mumbled "Because I'm
rlm@0: in love with you...I'm sorry, I'll go." Hotaru made a quick move for
rlm@0: the exit, but Chibi was much faster than she and grabbed onto her
rlm@0: injured arm, getting a short yelp of pain from Hotaru.
rlm@0: 	"I'm sorry....I didn't mean to....just don't go, please?
rlm@0: Stay....let me get you some ice for that hand...stay here, ok?
rlm@0: Promise me you'll stay here at least until I get back from the
rlm@0: kitchen." Chibi looked at the now quiet Hotaru who only nodded and
rlm@0: sat down on the bed, holding her bruised hand gingerly. Chibi-Usa ran
rlm@0: from her room, nearly colliding with Usagi who was in the kitchen,
rlm@0: still talking, and fixing herself a snack.
rlm@0: 			"What's all the yellin' about?" Usagi asked her daughter, who was
rlm@0: already filling a bag full of ice. Her mouth was packed with
rlm@0: chocolate donut, a glass of milk in her hand, and the phone cradled
rlm@0: against her shoulder. "And what's with the ice?"
rlm@0: 	"God you're nosy," Chibi said, closing the freezer and putting the
rlm@0: ice bag into a clean dish towel so it wouldn't freeze Hotaru's hand,
rlm@0: "Hotaru hurt herself and I'm getting her ice. Why are you stuffing
rlm@0: your face again?"
rlm@0: 	"Cus I'm hungry, duh." Usagi said over another bite of donut,
rlm@0: mumbling something incoherent to the person on the other end of the
rlm@0: phone before walking out of the kitchen and back to her room.
rlm@0: 	"You're always hungry..." The pink haired girl grumbled while she
rlm@0: hurried back to her room to find Hotaru still seated on the bed, her
rlm@0: tear stained face looking towards the floor. "Here you go.." Chibi
rlm@0: offered the ice carefully to Hotaru who took it and applied it to her
rlm@0: injury with a soft whine. "I'm sorry....Hotaru, really. I was only
rlm@0: mad cus I thought you were upset that you fell asleep on me...that
rlm@0: you were mad at yourself for accidently doing that...that you didn't
rlm@0: trust me."
rlm@0: 	"I trust you..." Hotaru whispered quietly with a shake of her head,
rlm@0: "Otherwise I wouldn't have done that...I thought you were mad at me
rlm@0: for thinking I could be that way with you..." She sighed, adjusting
rlm@0: the ice to not put pressure on the injury, "And...I guess after I
rlm@0: told you what I did, you don't want to see me anymore. You're
rlm@0: supposed to be with hi-" she caught herself, and released a
rlm@0: controlled breath, "With Helios... I won't get in the way..."
rlm@0: 	"I...don't know if I want to be with him anymore." Chibi confessed,
rlm@0: looking desperately at her friend, "It just feels so fake when I'm
rlm@0: with him, like I have to be someone I'm not. It didn't used to be
rlm@0: like that, I used to be able to talk with him for hours, and just
rlm@0: enjoy being next to him...." Her red irises grew larger as she came
rlm@0: to a realization, "Just....like I am with you."
rlm@0: 	"You....you mean that?" Hotaru asked carefully, being certain not
rlm@0: to get her hopes up for nothing, demanding that she stay in control
rlm@0: of her body. Chibi only nodded and placed a hand on Hotaru's cheek.
rlm@0: The two looked into each other's eyes, Chibi-Usa's hand cupping her
rlm@0: friend's face comfortingly.
rlm@0: 	"You really scared me, Hotaru...I've never seen you like that." Usa
rlm@0: began, gently touching the shoulder of Hotaru's injured arm, "I don't
rlm@0: want you to hurt...You should have hit me, I was the one being the
rlm@0: jerk..."
rlm@0: 	"No..." The black haired girl shook her head, "I could never
rlm@0: purposely hurt you like that. You know I care about you too much...I
rlm@0: love you, Chibi..." She didn't expect an answer back, and was content
rlm@0: with just saying it to let her friend know how she truly and honestly
rlm@0: felt. "I'm going to have trouble explaining my hand to my parents,"
rlm@0: Hotaru quickly changed the subject, "They're going to worry abo-" She
rlm@0: was quickly silenced by Chibi-Usa who placed a single, slender digit
rlm@0: over her lips.
rlm@0: 	"I love you too Hotaru..."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: