rlm@0: rlm@0: Hi everyone! ^-^ I wrote this in less than an hour over my frustration at all of the rlm@0: ‘S+S’ and Tomoyo/Eriol fics out there. Poor Tomoyo-chan. ;_; She can’t be rlm@0: with who she loves so she’s paired off with Eriol just because they’re both rlm@0: eccentric. *sighs* Anyway, I’m way too overly emotional about the whole rlm@0: Sakura & Tomoyo thing, and I was in kind of a weird mood anyway, so that’s rlm@0: where this story comes from. ^-^ I hope you like it! rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Love Lies Bleeding rlm@0: By the Amazoness Duo rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: As I lie bleeding to death on the cold ground, my last thoughts rlm@0: automatically travel back to Sakura. Her beautiful face, her sparkling emerald rlm@0: green eyes, her friendly smile. I could always tell how she was feeling, even if rlm@0: she didn’t know herself sometimes. I could see it in her eyes. Those eyes told rlm@0: me everything. They filled me with strength, bolstered my love for her. But they rlm@0: hurt me in ways she’ll never know. I love her so much, yet… His incessant rlm@0: agonizing breaths are breaking my concentration. “Li-kun, if you’re going to rlm@0: die, then could you please be a little quieter? I’m having a hard time rlm@0: remembering what I got Sakura-chan for her twelfth birthday and her exact rlm@0: reaction.” rlm@0: rlm@0: He seems to consider my request before moaning louder. How rlm@0: inconsiderate. I asked nicely. And wouldn’t he want to think about her in his last rlm@0: moments as well? “This is all your fault...” he says after a moment, glaring rlm@0: pointedly at me. At least, I assume he is. I can’t really see him very well from rlm@0: where I am and my vision’s starting to go dark. I can almost see her in the rlm@0: darkness, as if she’s waiting for me. Oh, Sakura-chan... You’re always so sweet. rlm@0: I’m so lucky to have... I cut off again as he reiterates how much this is my fault. rlm@0: rlm@0: “I hope Sakura-chan wouldn’t see it that way,” I say simply. Why does rlm@0: it matter what he thinks so long as she knows? “I hope she knows my video rlm@0: collection is willed to her.” All of my worldly possessions are willed to her, so rlm@0: she’d be getting everything anyway. I’m just trying to keep his mind off of rlm@0: things long enough so we can both die in peace. rlm@0: rlm@0: Unfortunately, that seems to be the wrong thing to say. “That’s what rlm@0: started all of this. I never would have noticed the way you look at her if it rlm@0: weren’t for all of those videos you take. Can’t you let her be happy on her rlm@0: own?” rlm@0: rlm@0: I blink back my surprise, or try to, anyway. “What? How I look at her? rlm@0: I look at her with love because that’s what courses through my heart when I see rlm@0: her. And of course I want Sakura to be happy. I just know how to make her rlm@0: happy better than she does. So sometimes she needs a little extra push in the rlm@0: right direction.” I smile fondly at so many memories before realizing that rlm@0: smiling hurts far more than it’s worth. rlm@0: rlm@0: I can hear him trying to drag himself up. If he’s in half as much pain as rlm@0: I am, he can’t do it. Nope. It sounds like he clattered back to the ground again. rlm@0: “If you think you know so well, why the hell didn’t you get with her?” he rlm@0: growls. Though I tried so hard to get him with Sakura, I really wish he didn’t rlm@0: have such a temper. You’d think he’d be happy after sacrificing my happiness rlm@0: for her. rlm@0: rlm@0: “You’re starting to make me wish I did. Then you and Sakura-chan rlm@0: could still be friends and I could be at home videotaping her right now.” I don’t rlm@0: mention _what_ I’d be videotaping exactly. Probably her eating dinner. Or rlm@0: maybe out back practicing her magic. Or maybe just her sleeping cutely. That rlm@0: would be so sweet. Some of my favorite footage is while she's... Apparently I’m rlm@0: not allowed to get sidetracked in my thoughts of her because he picked up where rlm@0: he left off again. rlm@0: rlm@0: “I didn’t say you couldn’t be friends. I said I never wanted you to see rlm@0: her again,” Li-kun corrects me. Which is more or less what started this. You see, rlm@0: one of the things that made Li-kun so good at protecting Sakura also made him rlm@0: dangerous to all those around her. He never did learn how to work out his rlm@0: jealousy problems. He tried to burn Sakura’s big brother alive once. Over rlm@0: Tsukishiro-san if I remember right. I should have known that that would rlm@0: eventually turn towards me. I’m closer to Sakura than anyone else he knows, rlm@0: and in some ways I’m closer to her than he is. That doesn’t stop me from rlm@0: wishing I could be in his place, though. That I could be the one she loves. rlm@0: rlm@0: But back to the point, we’re here because Li-kun finally noticed that rlm@0: I’m insanely, horribly, and absolutely in love with Sakura-chan. That my heart rlm@0: never wavers and my eyes never wander despite the fact that she’s not even rlm@0: mine. That didn’t go over very well with him, though, and he confronted me rlm@0: about my feelings for her on the way home while Sakura was out shopping with rlm@0: Chiharu. He had been too busy arguing and shaking me while I was calmly rlm@0: trying to explain that Sakura is the light of the entire universe before we got rlm@0: struck by a passing motorist. The man must have been in quite a hurry because rlm@0: he didn’t bother to stop and check if we were alright. rlm@0: rlm@0: “But Li-kun, that’s practically the same thing. And I can’t very well rlm@0: videotape your wedding and first through fifth children if I can’t be around her.” rlm@0: Silly boy. So I can’t be away from her. And Sakura will have five children. I’ve rlm@0: already come up with all of their names. Now how will she know what to name rlm@0: them or what to wear to her eventual wedding? Or even who to marry? I can’t rlm@0: leave her yet. She still needs me. Not that I have any reason to live without her, rlm@0: but I can’t make her sad. I won’t let myself. But it seems like I don’t have much rlm@0: of a choice. The pain inside seems to intensify and the darkness covers more of rlm@0: my vision. I don’t feel angry so much as... a great sense of loss. How can I be rlm@0: taken from her like this? Is this some divine retribution for trying to kill myself a rlm@0: few weeks ago? Mother stopped me and she has me in therapy now, so there’s rlm@0: no reason to have me die in the street like this. I won’t try again unless Sakura- rlm@0: chan doesn’t need me anymore. It makes enough sense to me. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Besides, aren’t you in love with Eriol?” he asks after a slight pause in rlm@0: our lovely conversation. Hadn’t Sakura asked me that before? I think everyone rlm@0: was trying to mentally pair me off with them sense I had no true love interest rlm@0: that they could see. And because I stalked Sakura. It’s much easier for them if rlm@0: they think I’m in love with someone else. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Eccentricity does not mark the trappings of love.” rlm@0: rlm@0: “What?” rlm@0: rlm@0: “No, I’m not. And I don’t see how anyone could think I did. He and I rlm@0: barely even talked when he was here. Sakura-chan is far more captivating than rlm@0: anyone else I’ve ever met,” I explain. How could I ever not love her? She has rlm@0: been the single most important aspect of my life from the day I met her till the rlm@0: day I die. Which will most likely be today. So in that case, for all eternity. I’ll rlm@0: always love her, even if I can’t be there for her. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Yeah, but you’re both...” rlm@0: rlm@0: “Messed up?” I supply. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Yeah.” rlm@0: rlm@0: We sit in awkward silence for a long moment, pain gripping my rlm@0: shattered body. Silken dark gray hair lies pooled on the floor, a stark reminder of rlm@0: the blood under me. I think my legs are broken and definitely some ribs. I’m rlm@0: having a hard time breathing. Little droplets of red mixes in with the darkness rlm@0: randomly as blood drips into my eyes. But none of this compares to the pain in rlm@0: my heart at the thought of being torn away from her so violently. Not so much rlm@0: for my own sake because I have nothing left to live for, but for hers. I know that rlm@0: this will hurt Sakura dearly. She needs someone to help her through this, but Li- rlm@0: kun and I will both be gone. Poor Sakura-chan will be all alone. I can’t bear the rlm@0: thought of her pretty face streaked with tears. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Why didn’t you just tell her? You could have snagged her from me rlm@0: during those years I was gone.” His voice sounds defeated, pained. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Because I wanted her to be happy. When I was little, I used to think I rlm@0: could do that. But after you showed up and then Eriol started testing her, I rlm@0: wasn’t so sure anymore. I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t give her a child. She rlm@0: might not even be able to love me.” My voice breaks at the last of it. That fear rlm@0: has ridden along in my heart nearly as long as I’ve known her. It’s safer to love rlm@0: her from afar, to watch from somewhere else. “You seemed to make her happy rlm@0: and you obviously loved her almost as much as I did.” Which is a lie. He’d rlm@0: shown the same affection to Yukito. He seemed just fine transferring his rlm@0: feelings to Sakura. But I was starting to get desperate to play matchmaker for rlm@0: her lest someone else get in the way. “I thought you were the best possible rlm@0: candidate for Sakura’s love and I wanted to do all I could to make her happy.” rlm@0: That is the truth. That’s what I’ve wanted ever since she first smiled at me in rlm@0: class all those years ago. I knew then as I know now that I would do anything, rlm@0: _anything_ to make her happy. rlm@0: rlm@0: Another odd silence answers me as he lies there. “I would have. rlm@0: Sometimes things were tough and she always ran to you with her problems.” He rlm@0: sounds a bit resentful of that. Is that what this is really all about? He was rlm@0: worried that I was more important to Sakura? I almost laugh, hurting myself rlm@0: more in the process. The taste of blood is almost sickening now. I could only rlm@0: wish I was as important to her as he was. “But I would have made her happy.” rlm@0: rlm@0: “I believe you, Li-kun. There’s no doubt in my mind. That’s why I rlm@0: wanted you to be with her. She deserves to be happy.” Nothing but the sound of rlm@0: birds greets our ears for the longest time as we both wait to die. Does it usually rlm@0: take this long? My only condolences are that I’ll be able to speak with whatever rlm@0: wondrous being created the beauty that is Sakura and that hopefully they will let rlm@0: me watch her as I never have been able to before. Touya did used to speak of rlm@0: seeing his mother. Maybe I could come back and watch over Sakura, even if she rlm@0: couldn’t see me. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting her. “Li-kun, I rlm@0: promise if I make it out of this alive that I will make Sakura-chan happy.” rlm@0: rlm@0: He doesn’t seem to know how to reply, but I can only guess that he’s rlm@0: happy with my proclamation. I am, of course, wrong. “What? What makes you rlm@0: think you’re going to live? If either of us lives, it’s going to be me. Why would a rlm@0: fragile little rich girl survive that?” rlm@0: rlm@0: “Well, I’m only stating it as a ‘just in case’. So you’ll know she’ll be in rlm@0: good hands in case I survive and you don’t. Besides, I already know that’s what rlm@0: you’d do in the event that I die.” My resolve is much stronger than it’s ever rlm@0: been. I’ll take care of her as best I can. I’ll love her like no one else ever could. I rlm@0: will make her happy. I wish I had this type of strength back when my life rlm@0: expectancy was higher. It might have come in more useful. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Yeah, but that’s because she’s my girlfriend.” I wait for him to rlm@0: continue, but apparently that was explanation enough. I shrug it off. rlm@0: rlm@0: It sure is dark. I feel like I’m falling asleep. “I wonder what Sakura- rlm@0: chan’s doing right now.”