rlm@0: Author's note: Hello, everyone! ^-^ This is the second poem type thing rlm@0: I've written and it's also from Tomoyo's point of view. I admit it's rlm@0: a little strange, but I was in an awkward mood while I was writing it. rlm@0: ^-^;;; Anyway, I really hope you all enjoy it at the least. ^-^ If rlm@0: you have the time, please e-mail me what you think. ^-^ rlm@0: rlm@0: Empty Coffin rlm@0: By Amazoness Duo rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com rlm@0: rlm@0: When the lights go out, you go to sleep. rlm@0: And I’m free to finally be myself. rlm@0: By myself. rlm@0: But even I don’t know who I am. rlm@0: I’m left wondering who this person is. rlm@0: And why she always seems so sad. rlm@0: Always on the edge of chaos. rlm@0: Just a tiny push... rlm@0: rlm@0: No one sees the little girl. rlm@0: No one sees the tears. rlm@0: That’s not how I want it. rlm@0: But is it my fault? rlm@0: Are the masks I wear too good? rlm@0: Do they hide me from you so well that you can’t see me? rlm@0: I demand that you see me for who I am. rlm@0: That you look past the masks, past the layers to the girl underneath. rlm@0: That you finally see the tears. rlm@0: But I know that you can’t. rlm@0: Because I won’t allow you to. rlm@0: I stand in the shadows as you pass, letting them envelope me. rlm@0: Caress me. rlm@0: Consume me. rlm@0: rlm@0: I am happy, quirky, thoughtful, helpful. rlm@0: I am sad, lonely, depressing, suicidal. rlm@0: I am two halves of one whole. rlm@0: But I am not complete. rlm@0: What you see, what you think you see, is not what is in front of you. rlm@0: You see what I want you to see, what you want to see. rlm@0: And that girl is not me. rlm@0: I hate her. rlm@0: And I know that she hates me. rlm@0: The same way you would hate me, if you only knew. rlm@0: rlm@0: Do you know that my smiles are tinged with fear? rlm@0: That my laughs are covering tears? rlm@0: That my words cover silence deeper than the rips in my soul? rlm@0: No, because for you it’s not there. rlm@0: No one sees me. rlm@0: No one hears my screams or my sobs. rlm@0: But that’s all right, I guess. rlm@0: Because they would never understand. rlm@0: Because even I don’t understand the girl in the mirror. rlm@0: rlm@0: I don’t want to be alone. rlm@0: But I always am. rlm@0: Even in a crowded room. rlm@0: A crowd is not company. rlm@0: They are a gallery of faces. rlm@0: Just as I am merely a painting, showing only what they want to see, rlm@0: Hiding the fear, the pain, and insecurities from plain view. rlm@0: rlm@0: I’m nailed to the floor, calling out a name. rlm@0: The pain, the heartache, gnaws at my soul as I struggle to escape. rlm@0: But everyone gets mad, they all get angry when I try. rlm@0: No one wants me to leave, but no one cares if I stay. rlm@0: I don’t understand at all. rlm@0: I don’t want to go, but I have to get out. rlm@0: I’m trapped in this dungeon, unable to flee the stares that haunt me. rlm@0: If I stay here much longer, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold up this lie. rlm@0: I want to be the truth, I want to fly free. rlm@0: So why won’t anyone let me soar? rlm@0: rlm@0: If I died tomorrow, no one would notice I was gone. rlm@0: Just like a shadow, no one ever saw me in the first place. rlm@0: And they would bury my empty coffin, never thinking to look at the girl who rlm@0: was never there. rlm@0: So in the end, I have to wonder if I ever was. rlm@0: Am I just an afterthought? rlm@0: Here to give a little shading to the surroundings? rlm@0: Or was I just never finished? rlm@0: I’m incomplete, an unfinished product. rlm@0: All sorts of broken pieces and insecurities and half finished characteristics rlm@0: hastily thrown together. rlm@0: I’m in the bargain bin, the finished product will be shipped next Tuesday. rlm@0: I don’t make sense at all. rlm@0: I’m contradictory to my very existence. rlm@0: rlm@0: Icy cold rivers guide my way through a dense forest. rlm@0: I can’t see my way, the current leading me further and further through the rlm@0: darkness. rlm@0: Where am I going and why? rlm@0: Will I ever know? rlm@0: Will someone ever tell me? rlm@0: I want to be your angel. rlm@0: I want you to hold me, to know me for who I truly am. rlm@0: But I’m too covered in shadows, draped in darkness. rlm@0: My dreams are too close to nightmares now. rlm@0: I’m afraid of myself, afraid of who or what I am. rlm@0: But I smile. rlm@0: And still everyone walks past, not seeing me anymore than if I was never there. rlm@0: And I wonder if that just means I’m successful at masking who I am. rlm@0: So successful that I can hide from everyone. rlm@0: That no one will ever know who I really am. rlm@0: That nothing can touch my cold, shredded heart. rlm@0: Lucky me. rlm@0: I’m so happy. rlm@0: So I’ll cry. rlm@0: rlm@0: Everyone has secrets that they long to hide. rlm@0: They forever keep them locked away, hoping that no one will unearth them. rlm@0: Burying them in the backyard, keeping them hidden by flowers and meaningless rlm@0: conversation and barbecues. rlm@0: I am the secret and I’m struggling to get free. rlm@0: I want you to know me. rlm@0: I want to get rid of the girl that pretends she’s me, rlm@0: Smiling and sweet, kind and gentle. rlm@0: The one you forget while she’s still in the same room as you. rlm@0: My sweet little twin that makes all of her appearances the few times I’m around rlm@0: people. rlm@0: I watch the whole thing from the shadows, unseen by all, but seeing her trying rlm@0: so hard to please. rlm@0: If I killed her, would anyone notice? rlm@0: Of course not. rlm@0: But then I could be your nightmare. rlm@0: rlm@0: In the end, what is more real? rlm@0: The me that everyone sees all day, or the me that only I know? rlm@0: Seeing is believing and that demon that only appears when the lights are out or rlm@0: the doors are all closed rlm@0: Is nothing more than a myth to all those that ‘know’ me. rlm@0: In that case, believe what you will. rlm@0: I’ll always be that girl for you. rlm@0: Smiling and sweet, kind and forgettable. rlm@0: But inside my empty coffin, I’ll continue to scream into the darkness. rlm@0: And only I will hear it, through my laughter.