rlm@0: Hi! rlm@0: Words written like _this_ are in Italics. rlm@0: This is kind of an epilogue to the trilogy Hotaru's Pain. It makes rlm@0: more sense if you read that one first, but what do I care about rlm@0: what you do. I kinda like this story. rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Letters from Desolation Row rlm@0: By the Ghost of 'lectricity rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Prologue rlm@0: Tangled up in Blue rlm@0: rlm@0: So now I'm goin' back again rlm@0: Got to get to her somehow rlm@0: We always did feel the same rlm@0: We just saw it from a different point of view rlm@0: rlm@0: Bob Dylan rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Part 1 rlm@0: Desolation Row rlm@0: rlm@0: A young woman was sitting under a massive tree atop a hill. It rlm@0: was a strong and a very old tree; it must have stood there for rlm@0: ages. The leaves of the mighty tree were filtering the warm rlm@0: sunlight as it shone down in golden blots upon the woman. A warm rlm@0: summer breeze was blowing up the hill, tangling the woman's black rlm@0: hair with little tongues of air licking past her face. Tufts of her rlm@0: hair were swirled about and danced around her neck while the wind rlm@0: relieved a bit of the heat of the summer afternoon. rlm@0: In the valley below the hill, spread before the woman, lay the rlm@0: city of Crystal Tokyo, home of Neo Queen Serenity and King Endymion rlm@0: - and their daughter. rlm@0: The woman looked about twenty, twenty-five at best. As young as rlm@0: her body seemed, her eyes told a whole different story. Her dark rlm@0: jewels lost the glow of youth a long time ago. Her eyes were that rlm@0: of an old woman, a woman who has seen generations go by, who has rlm@0: seen lives of people that grew close to her wither away like the rlm@0: leaves of this mighty tree do every year. A woman who has witnessed rlm@0: horrors other people never dare to think of, let alone imagine rlm@0: them. rlm@0: The only one who could still smile genuinely after all those years rlm@0: was the queen. And how couldn't she... She had someone to love her, rlm@0: someone as immortal as they all were. And she had a beautiful rlm@0: daughter. rlm@0: Oh, had she have never met her, how different her life would be. rlm@0: She would have died long ago, the torture of immortality would have rlm@0: been spared to her. Her loneliness would have lasted only a rlm@0: lifetime, her object of desire would have stayed hidden from her rlm@0: eyes. But now she must face eternity alone, with her princess just rlm@0: within reach, yet so unattainable. rlm@0: People regarded them as angels, avatars, or something similar yet rlm@0: she was already broken, long before the sky will ever open for her. rlm@0: Forsaken she was sinking beneath the flood of tears that dried out rlm@0: centuries ago. rlm@0: How she wished she could be as strong as this tree was. But she rlm@0: wasn't. She was weak. Who would want someone as weak as her? Why rlm@0: does a princess want someone as weak as her? rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Part 2 rlm@0: Blood in my Eyes rlm@0: rlm@0: A young woman was heading up a hill to the north of Crystal Tokyo. rlm@0: The hill was off grounds for the citizens of Crystal Tokyo. The rlm@0: hill was off grounds even for the members of the Royal Family and rlm@0: the Senshi. The hill had a concentrated amount of negative energy. rlm@0: Many fatal accidents happened here in the recent past, the few rlm@0: suicides that were committed in this city of angels were committed rlm@0: here. rlm@0: The hot summer afternoon was already turning into evening but the rlm@0: heat was still unbearable. The hands and knees of the young woman rlm@0: were bleeding as she fell to the ground more than once - the heat rlm@0: and the negative karma taking their toll. And yet she continued rlm@0: walking the path that led her to the top. For someone was waiting rlm@0: at the top. Someone who has been waiting there for a long time. rlm@0: Once she had already walked this path in vain. The one atop the rlm@0: hill sent her away... But why? They had sworn each other love. But rlm@0: that was a long time ago for the one atop the hill. Did she tire of rlm@0: waiting? But why is she still up there then? It just doesn't make rlm@0: sense... rlm@0: The young woman's eyes filled with tears each time she thought rlm@0: about walking this path down alone _again_. But this time the dark rlm@0: beauty on the hill had a promise to keep. She smiled at how easily rlm@0: and without thinking she gave away that promise. She couldn't help rlm@0: but wonder if she regrets that promise now. Why was it so simple rlm@0: then and why is it so hard now? If she walks this path down alone, rlm@0: this time she'll at least know why. Although she doubted she'd ever rlm@0: get over it. rlm@0: Her feet were hurting tremendously, her knees were bleeding as rlm@0: well as her hands. The sweat from her forehead was dripping into rlm@0: her eyes, already sore from her crying. She needed a rest badly. rlm@0: She wanted to stop right then and there but something drove her on. rlm@0: _Again_. She fell to the rocky ground again. Leaving some blood rlm@0: and her wish to stop behind she rose to her feet and continued her rlm@0: journey through the thorns. For if there was one thing she ever rlm@0: learned from her mother it was to have faith in love. And to fight rlm@0: for love. Because love _will_ find a way. rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Part 3 rlm@0: Shot of Love rlm@0: rlm@0: There she is. She just scaled the crest and now she's standing rlm@0: there as if stricken by lightning. I knew she'd come. That spoiled rlm@0: brat. Can't she understand there are certain things she cannot rlm@0: have? As soon as I heard she went back I knew she'd come sooner or rlm@0: later. When I woke up this morning with this new memories inside my rlm@0: head it was as clear as day to me. And the promise. The promise she rlm@0: forced out of my 20th century self. But if I'm honest I have to rlm@0: admit that she didn't force it. She couldn't do that. She's too rlm@0: good to do that. If I had felt in any way unsure about it she rlm@0: wouldn't pursue it further. I was so naive then. Then she was only rlm@0: my lover. Now she's the princess. rlm@0: She's still standing there. Watching me. Watching me watching her rlm@0: watching me. Her white royal gown with the golden rings over her rlm@0: chest. The wind is playing with her pigtails and the ends of her rlm@0: dress. Her pigtails are slightly different than her mother's. They rlm@0: are a bit puffier at their base and reach only to her knees at rlm@0: best. But basically the same impossible hairstyle only the two rlm@0: manage to pull off without looking silly. Her arms are hanging rlm@0: helplessly at her sides, the golden rings over her chest are being rlm@0: lifted and dropped by her heavy breathing. But something is wrong. rlm@0: I didn't notice it at first - I admit that her sight entranced me. rlm@0: Her dress is stained with blood, her eyes are red. Her hair is in a rlm@0: mess, the golden rings aren't perfectly in place... But actually rlm@0: they never are. She is probably the messiest princess there ever rlm@0: was. rlm@0: And yet she's so graceful - a sight to behold. rlm@0: Now she has finally overcome the fear and she's walking up to me. rlm@0: Slowly and unsure. The path leading to the top is rocky, but up her rlm@0: grass is growing. I stand up; she's right in front of me. How long rlm@0: will she be able to meet my gaze like that? Not even a second. She rlm@0: fell down on her knees and now her deep crimson eyes full of tears rlm@0: are looking anxiously up into mine. I have to be strong - for her. rlm@0: "I'll keep my promise... I do still love you." Cool and collected. rlm@0: I'm sorry... "But that doesn't matter. You mustn't love me!" rlm@0: "Wha- What are you saying?" rlm@0: "You will become the Queen of Crystal Tokyo one day. You have rlm@0: obligations too keep. For one thing you have to have heirs." rlm@0: "I don't care if... if our love is fruitless." rlm@0: "No! You are already spoken for. Your marriage date with Prince rlm@0: Helios is all but set!" rlm@0: "That's not true! I don't love him!" rlm@0: Can't she understand? I sit down in front of her, her eyes still rlm@0: fixed on mine. "You are the future queen! You cannot love another rlm@0: woman." This was the final blow. Needless to say I stressed each rlm@0: word to make sure she'd understand. Now it's over. I always thought rlm@0: I'd be relieved when I finally close this book. Anyway, now I can rlm@0: go on with my life and find myself a girl with pink pigtails to rlm@0: remind me of her. Maybe I'll even manage to love her through the rlm@0: course of time. rlm@0: Her face convulsed in a childlike manner when she heard these rlm@0: words and she slumped down into my lap. I feel the fabric of my rlm@0: dress soaking up her tears. I feel her heavy ragged breathing rlm@0: against it. I can _feel_ her... For the first time in almost a rlm@0: thousand years I can feel her again. I haven't realized how much I rlm@0: missed the feeling of her hair between my fingers. I take a deep rlm@0: breath to inhale her calming scent. Just like I remember it. rlm@0: She's unlike any other person I ever met. I fail every time I try rlm@0: to describe her. Angel. That is the only word that comes close. Yet rlm@0: it doesn't touch her essence. It only manages to scratch the rlm@0: surface. She's so much more. rlm@0: I can hear her words, but they come to me from a distance. rlm@0: "But I do love you. And I couldn't live without your love..." rlm@0: "Why? Why don't you just let go?" rlm@0: I can feel her arms tighten around my waist as she speaks into my rlm@0: dress. rlm@0: "I love you Hotaru-chan... I love you, I want to marry you, I want rlm@0: to spend the rest of eternity with you." rlm@0: At this point she raises her head and looks into my eyes. And when rlm@0: is see her eyes now - for the first time so clearly - I know she rlm@0: didn't lie. If I would send her away she would wither away like a rlm@0: flower without water. She needs love as much as other people need rlm@0: air. rlm@0: Now I understand. rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Epilogue rlm@0: Series of Dreams rlm@0: rlm@0: "ChibiUsa, how is this possible?" rlm@0: ChibiUsa. Nobody except her calls me that any more. I guess I'm rlm@0: not that chibi any more. rlm@0: "Sit down over here, ChibiUsa." She steers me into that oversized rlm@0: armchair we sometimes spend the evening cuddling in. She sits down rlm@0: opposite to me on a chair and pierces her eyes into mine. rlm@0: "Listen carefully, ChibiUsa. You are a woman. I am a woman. You rlm@0: can't possibly be pregnant from me." She treats me as if I had some rlm@0: kind of a disease or something. But she never doubts my loyalty to rlm@0: her. rlm@0: "I think it was the Ginzuishu." rlm@0: "...I don't understand." Of course she doesn't, I can see it in rlm@0: her eyes. She's so cute when she doesn't understand. rlm@0: "A few weeks ago it was glowing slightly when I woke up in the rlm@0: morning. It was so subtle that I didn't know if it was for real or rlm@0: were my eyes just playing tricks on me. I'm sure it happened that rlm@0: night." A few moment pass before a tear trickles down her face. A rlm@0: tear of joy surely because she's smiling. She reaches out her left rlm@0: hand and touches my cheek. Oh, I didn't know I was crying also. You rlm@0: always do that to me. Around you I always forget about myself. She rlm@0: sits down beside me in our armchair and kisses my bare shoulder. rlm@0: "Hotaru-chan, I'm already pregnant. You don't have to make rlm@0: passionate love to me." rlm@0: "I love you, ChibiUsa." rlm@0: "I love you too, Hotaru." rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: The End rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: The titles for each part are titles of Bob Dylan songs. I don't own rlm@0: the copyright to them as well as I don't own the copyright for rlm@0: Sailor Moon. rlm@0: rlm@0: Peter Dobaj rlm@0: The Ghost of 'lectricity rlm@0: lectricity@email.si