rlm@0: Dear Sakura rlm@0: by Amazoness Duo and G.P. rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com rlm@0: pearsong1954@yahoo.com rlm@0: rlm@0: I. rlm@0: Sakura felt the tickling caress of little wavelets as she plowed rlm@0: through the gentle waters of the bay. Glancing at a wetly glistening rlm@0: Tomoyo, she was met with azure eyes that regarded her with rlm@0: affectionate trust. With her odd costumes and curious remarks, the rlm@0: dark-haired girl kindled a half-blush, half-heartache that thrilled rlm@0: and confused the Mistress of the Cards. But there was no confusion rlm@0: now, only a sunny glow that lit Sakura's entire being as she held the rlm@0: soft, supple presence of her friend so delightfully close. Gazing rlm@0: into the deep water, she was amazed by the strange, colorful fish rlm@0: darting about. With mild surprise she scanned the horizon, and rlm@0: realized the shore was lost to view. But it didn't seem to matter; rlm@0: nothing mattered but being here with Tomoyo. She closed her eyes and rlm@0: pulled through the water with slow, leisurely strokes. I could swim rlm@0: like this forever, she thought languidly. Her friend’s lustrously rlm@0: dark hair was streaming in the water as they swam, and the girl’s rlm@0: pale skin sparkled in the dazzling sunlight. Sakura felt a sweet, rlm@0: overwhelming longing for the delicate girl by her side, and hugged rlm@0: her tightly, entranced by her delightful nearness. Her gaze caught rlm@0: the horizon, the seam between sea and sky that sparkled in the far rlm@0: distance. Staring at that razor's edge where blue met blue, Sakura rlm@0: felt love as she never had before. Yet somehow these feelings had rlm@0: always been with her, ever since she had been a child too young to rlm@0: know that such love can be. Perplexed by this tangle of emotions, she rlm@0: turned to ask her friend to explain this puzzling contradiction. But rlm@0: Tomoyo was gone. rlm@0: rlm@0: Blinking in disbelief, Sakura circled in the water, expecting the rlm@0: girl to be bobbing on the shimmering surface nearby. But there was rlm@0: nothing, only sea and sky brilliantly lit by the tropical sun. rlm@0: Suddenly Sakura remembered, and her heart tightened and froze, "She rlm@0: can't swim". She thrashed in the water as panic swept her. But there rlm@0: was nothing save the disturbance of her wild swimming on the ocean’s rlm@0: placid film. Filling her lungs with air, Sakura dove deep into the rlm@0: water. The fish scattered as she swam, leaving her alone as she rlm@0: surged forward. The salty brine stung her eyes as she strained to rlm@0: see. But there was only water: empty, endless, and vast. Her lungs rlm@0: ached as each stroke pulled her deeper. The sea was now cold and dark rlm@0: as she left the dappled sunlight extinguished and plunged into a rlm@0: black nothingness. Completely disoriented, she lost all sense of rlm@0: direction and dimension. As the seconds swept by her heart, starved rlm@0: for oxygen, beat wildly out of control. Finally, her body panicked rlm@0: and sucked in lungfuls of burning seawater. The darkness spread from rlm@0: her vision to her mind as consciousness faded. When she died, the rlm@0: pain and panic gave way to a whispering sadness. Her final thoughts rlm@0: were of Tomoyo, and how she had failed to save her from drowning. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura lurched out of bed as her lungs desperately gasped for air. rlm@0: Her heart hammered in her chest as she slowly came to, eyes rlm@0: discerning the dim outlines of her room in the pale starlight. With a rlm@0: hand held tightly to her breast, she remembered the dream that rlm@0: started so beautifully, and ended so horrifically. Still shaken, she rlm@0: slipped out of bed, opened the door, and stood in the hallway. rlm@0: Slumping to the floor, she pulled herself into a little ball and sat rlm@0: deep in thought. Part of her wanted to forget the awful dream. Surely rlm@0: it was nothing more than that; a night terror that dissipated with rlm@0: the coming of day. But Kero-chan once said that the dreams of a rlm@0: Cardcaptor were often prophetic, and thus important. The very idea rlm@0: that this dream held any glint of the future brought a shiver of rlm@0: fear. Sakura closed her eyes and forced herself to think. The dream rlm@0: had seemed so real. Worse than her own death was failing to save rlm@0: Tomoyo. Ever since that night in the garden, the pain in her best rlm@0: friend’s eyes had haunted Sakura. Somehow it seemed her fault that rlm@0: the dark-haired woman was suffering so. Never did the pale woman rlm@0: utter a single reproach, or even a plea for help. But those beautiful rlm@0: lavender eyes had betrayed her, and now Sakura knew that something rlm@0: was terribly wrong. Sakura also sensed that her friend was faithfully rlm@0: waiting for help. Tomoyo's trust was touching, but it frightened rlm@0: her. rlm@0: rlm@0: Helping her friend wasn't a matter of capturing cards or fighting rlm@0: with magical forces. All that seemed simple compared to the problem rlm@0: of Tomoyo's heart. The person her friend loved she could not have, rlm@0: and despite efforts to conceal it, loneliness was a burden that bore rlm@0: heavily upon her. Tomoyo would not say who this special someone was, rlm@0: and Sakura felt a brief flash of anger. The least they could do is be rlm@0: aware of such a wonderful love, and to gently thank Tomoyo for it, rlm@0: even if they were unable to return her precious feelings. But then, rlm@0: what if they did know? Would that really help her, if they knew of rlm@0: her love but did not love her? Frustrated, Sakura rose and walked rlm@0: down the hall. She had to do something, anything. She had to help. rlm@0: But how? This was like fighting with shadows, dim outlines that she rlm@0: could barely perceive. In order to help, she needed to know. Sakura rlm@0: had to know who Tomoyo's special someone was. At this, she blushed rlm@0: and stopped pacing. Part of her asked mockingly, "And just why do you rlm@0: want to know? Are you jealous?" She shook her head, frustrated and rlm@0: disturbed by the confused feelings that gripped her. She knew she rlm@0: shouldn't feel bad that Tomoyo had her own true love. She knew in her rlm@0: heart that she desired Tomoyo’s happiness. But somehow, it hurt not rlm@0: to be that special someone. Tomoyo's affection was something she had rlm@0: grown up with, as much a part of her life as breathing. That this rlm@0: affection now caressed someone else was bittersweet, for while she rlm@0: was glad that love lit Tomoyo's gentle heart, it saddened her that rlm@0: she was not the one. This realization brought a new storm of rlm@0: frustration, and Sakura threw on a skirt and blouse, slipped on a rlm@0: pair of sandals, and walked out of the house. rlm@0: rlm@0: The auburn-haired girl followed the road for a while, and then left rlm@0: it for the trail that led to the top of Victoria Peak. The air was rlm@0: cool on her face, and it felt good to walk the steep, snaking rlm@0: pathway. Through the trees she caught a glimpse of the city below, rlm@0: brightly lit and no doubt raucous even now in the early morning. She rlm@0: was glad the weekend was approaching, for she needed time. Surely rlm@0: this frustrating ignorance was worse than finally discovering who rlm@0: Tomoyo's love was. But part of her resisted, as if unwilling to know. rlm@0: In fact, part of her simply didn't want Tomoyo to be in love with rlm@0: someone else. This brought a blush, and a reprimand as Sakura scolded rlm@0: herself for such selfishness. But it was true, and she knew it. She rlm@0: had finally realized, during Tomoyo’s trip to Hong Kong, that she rlm@0: wanted Tomoyo's love for herself. To be the focus of Tomoyo's rlm@0: attention was an ecstasy beyond words. She remembered Tomoyo filming rlm@0: in the Matsukaya, remembered twirling and dancing for her friend's rlm@0: delight. This brought another blush, for those memories were rlm@0: intensely sweet and stirring. Sakura walked far along the pathway in rlm@0: this blissful state before her wandering mind returned to the task at rlm@0: hand. It occurred to her that her own feelings were part of the rlm@0: problem. They clouded her understanding, her ability to solve the rlm@0: riddle of Tomoyo's special someone. Until she first understood her rlm@0: own feelings, she would never understand Tomoyo’s. This was all so rlm@0: complicated, and made the capturing of the Cards seem almost easy. rlm@0: rlm@0: The Cards were really no more than puzzles to be solved. As time rlm@0: went by, she had grown to love them. But at first, they were things rlm@0: to be captured, a job to be done. Tomoyo wasn't like that at all. rlm@0: Sakura cared deeply for her, and ironically this made it more rlm@0: difficult to help. Had she loved the Cards then as she did now, rlm@0: capturing and binding them would have been more difficult. She was so rlm@0: tangled in her emotions for Tomoyo that she nearly felt overwhelmed. rlm@0: And overwhelmed people, as her brother once remarked, are not very rlm@0: useful. Somehow, she had to understand her own feelings for the girl rlm@0: before she could help her. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura suddenly realized she was nearly at the top of the peak. And rlm@0: there, just outside the heavy foliage flanking the trail, was the rlm@0: spot they had watched the moonrise together. Sakura walked on the rlm@0: soft grass, dew tickling her sandal-clad little feet. She sat down rlm@0: and gazed at the islands of the bay shrouded in the dark night. She rlm@0: stretched out on her back, hands behind her head, and stared up into rlm@0: the sky. The crescent moon was a tiny boat in a sea of stars, the rlm@0: vast emptiness illumined by thousands of brightly burning hearts. rlm@0: Sometimes she felt their power, her power, the power of the stars. rlm@0: When the Cards were all transformed, and Eriol’s final challenge rlm@0: overcome, she had never wondered what was next. Her love for Syaoran rlm@0: bloomed, thanks to the tender care of her friends. Sakura now rlm@0: realized that Tomoyo had helped her friend have a happy marriage that rlm@0: she would never have. That would be just like her, Sakura thought rlm@0: with a trace of sadness. She remembered the look in her eyes as they rlm@0: watched the parade of wedding dresses at the department store. "She rlm@0: must have felt that pain for a long time, but she hid it from me. rlm@0: Why? Why would she hide something like that? Because she didn't want rlm@0: me to feel bad. I was so happy to be married, and she didn't want to rlm@0: spoil my happiness with her feelings. I just ignored her all those rlm@0: years. It's like I didn't care at all." rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura sat up, damp from the dew and fighting back tears. She stared rlm@0: at the hands folded on her lap and whispered miserably, "I'm so rlm@0: sorry, Tomoyo-chan. I didn't know. I should have, but I just didn't rlm@0: know". She clenched her fists angrily. That was no excuse then, and rlm@0: it was no excuse now. Tomoyo was suffering, and needed her. Somehow, rlm@0: she had to help. She had to find Tomoyo's special someone and tell rlm@0: them. At least then Tomoyo's love would be appreciated, even if this rlm@0: person could not be with her. But would this really be any rlm@0: consolation? Poor Tomoyo would love this person with all her heart, rlm@0: but she would have nobody to love her. It all seemed so wrong and rlm@0: unfair. Tomoyo's love was like nothing Sakura had ever experienced. rlm@0: Even as just a friend, the joy and bliss of being loved by this rlm@0: wonderful girl was staggering. Through the years Sakura had been rlm@0: unaware of how luminous Tomoyo’s love was. "Only when I moved to Hong rlm@0: Kong," she thought, "did I really know what it would mean to be away rlm@0: from her". She tried to explain this to Tomoyo when they danced the rlm@0: night before she left for Japan, but words failed her as surely as rlm@0: she had failed Tomoyo. She stumblingly groped for words because she rlm@0: herself did not fully understand. Even now, all she really knew was rlm@0: that she missed Tomoyo desperately and longed to be with her. And if rlm@0: she did not know her own feelings, how could she possibly hope to rlm@0: help Tomoyo? Sakura stood up and hugged herself as a chill breeze rlm@0: swept the grassy swale. The sky had turned a pale gray. Dawn. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura smiled, for if resolution would not absolve her of the hurt rlm@0: she had caused, it would at least set her guilt aside until she rlm@0: finished this important task. She would help Tomoyo, but to do so she rlm@0: must first know her own feelings. Until then, it would be impossible rlm@0: to find her way. Her feelings were inextricably bound with the rlm@0: beautiful dark-haired girl, but once they were unraveled she would rlm@0: see her way more clearly. But how could she know her own heart? She rlm@0: faced that riddle when Syaoran was leaving for Hong Kong. Then she rlm@0: was lucky, for friends told her what her heart desired. But now she rlm@0: was frighteningly alone, and did not know where to go for help. The rlm@0: one person she could trust ultimately was far away in Japan Besides, rlm@0: Sakura thought, even if she were at my side I couldn't ask her about rlm@0: this. The thought of the pale girl again at her side was a pleasant rlm@0: one, and brought back memories in a flood. Here they snuggled rlm@0: together, Tomoyo resting her head on Sakura’s shoulder while the moon rlm@0: sailed a velvet sky. Sakura longed to have those moments back, to rlm@0: live them again and again for all eternity. But sweet memories would rlm@0: not heal the hurts she had caused, and the Mistress of the Cards rlm@0: purged them from her mind. Clenching her fists, Sakura looked out at rlm@0: the dawn with determined eyes. Her voice was firm as she said out rlm@0: loud, rlm@0: rlm@0: "I'll ask Dark-sama and Light-sama about my feelings. I'll make them rlm@0: tell me." rlm@0: rlm@0: And for the instant these words were uttered, she looked like what rlm@0: she truly was: the most powerful being on earth. And her countenance rlm@0: was terrible to behold. rlm@0: rlm@0: II. rlm@0: All through the day that followed that dawn, Sakura thought about rlm@0: the task ahead. At dinner Ieran-sama asked if she felt all right, rlm@0: "You are unusually quiet tonight, Sakura." rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura looked slightly surprised and bowed, "I'm fine, Ieran-sama. rlm@0: Thank you for your concern." rlm@0: rlm@0: Fanren chirped in with a giggly voice, "Quiet, hmm? Maybe you've rlm@0: been around Syaoran-chan too long. Next thing you'll be all dour and rlm@0: grumpy, too." rlm@0: rlm@0: Syaoran scowled and poked at his rice. But that only brought a fresh rlm@0: storm of teasing from Fanren, eager to see her little brother stalk rlm@0: off in a huff. Ieran-sama ended the game when she ordered the dishes rlm@0: cleared, and after helping to clean up Sakura worked on papers from rlm@0: school. After kissing Syaoran goodnight, she waited until the house rlm@0: was silent, and stole into the guest room. Or, as she now called it, rlm@0: Tomoyo’s room. rlm@0: rlm@0: She took the Cards from the drawer of the old colonial desk, and rlm@0: decided Shield would seal her off from the rest of the household. rlm@0: Looking at her skirt and blouse, she wished they were not quite so rlm@0: plain. Kero always said the Cards preferred a proper looking rlm@0: Mistress, and Tomoyo's creations had seemingly charmed and impressed rlm@0: them. Certainly Kero had approved, Sakura thought ruefully, rlm@0: especially when he got to share in the sartorial splendor. Well, what rlm@0: she now wore would have to do. She pulled the chain around her neck rlm@0: from her blouse and spoke the chant of power. In a blinding flash rlm@0: Shield came to life, barring the doors and windows with golden rlm@0: chains. Holding her staff in one hand, Sakura picked up The Dark and rlm@0: The Light and flicked them into the air. With a twirl and a flourish rlm@0: she awakened them amid a gale of shadow and blaze. They stood before rlm@0: her shimmering with power, beautiful and majestic. Instinctively she rlm@0: bowed, and they returned her bow with graceful solemnity. Light rlm@0: smiled cheerfully and spoke while Dark waited pensively, rlm@0: rlm@0: “Konbanwa, Sakura-chan. How are you this lovely evening”? Despite rlm@0: her earnestness, Sakura smiled in sheer delight. The beauty of the rlm@0: two was always such a joy to behold. They stood together, rlm@0: affectionately holding hands, long, lustrous hair floating as if they rlm@0: were underwater. They were a perfect contrast, yet a perfect pair, rlm@0: and Sakura’s heart ached to see them together. She was always careful rlm@0: to place the two cards next to one another, for which Light had rlm@0: laughingly thanked her, but said it was unnecessary, “We have always rlm@0: been together, and ever shall be.” But Sakura now tried to look rlm@0: serious, for she knew the two could be cryptic, playfully hiding the rlm@0: knowledge she desired. In a commanding voice, edged with the power of rlm@0: the Mistress of the Cards, Sakura spoke, rlm@0: rlm@0: “Thank you, Light-sama. I am well. But there is something I need rlm@0: from you.” rlm@0: rlm@0: The response was so different from the young woman’s normal tone rlm@0: that Light-sama was taken aback and did not reply. Dark-sama spoke in rlm@0: a voice like rustlings in the shadows, “Speak, Mistress, for all we rlm@0: have is yours to ask for”. rlm@0: rlm@0: Uncomfortable with such a formal reply, Sakura shifted her stance. rlm@0: She was never like this with the Cards, and it all seemed very out of rlm@0: place. But she had to find out for Tomoyo’s sake, so again she spoke rlm@0: up firmly, “I need to know my feelings for Tomoyo-chan”. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura thought she detected the briefest hint of a smile on Dark- rlm@0: sama’s normally impassive face. But it was Light-sama that answered rlm@0: back in a ringing, almost angry, challenge, “We cannot do what you rlm@0: ask”. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura looked down at the floor, wishing she had one of Tomoyo’s rlm@0: impressive costumes to make her feel more imperious than she felt. rlm@0: Suddenly a flash of anger energized her, and in a stern voice that rlm@0: shook the room she shot back, “I can command you to answer”. rlm@0: rlm@0: Light-sama looked surprised, and a nearly imperceptible trace of rlm@0: fear darkened the light that glowed all around her. She quickly rlm@0: recovered, fixing Sakura with a haughty stare. She began to reply, rlm@0: but Dark-sama gently touched her shoulder, calming her at a glance rlm@0: with dark, gentle eyes. The shadowy figure then turned to Sakura and rlm@0: stepped forward. She knelt down and bowed low, forehead touching the rlm@0: floor, black hair forming a darkly radiant pool on the floor. Her rlm@0: feathery voice was mild and meek, rlm@0: rlm@0: “It is your right as Mistress of the Cards. You may command us, if rlm@0: that is truly your wish.” rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura’s heart sank. It felt so awful, as if she were forcing them rlm@0: to do her bidding like servants, or even slaves. She knew that was rlm@0: how Clow Reed had dealt with them; even Yue and Kereberous never rlm@0: dared address him as other than “Master”. But Sakura loved her Cards, rlm@0: not as their Master but as their friend, and it hurt her to see Dark- rlm@0: sama bowing like this. Trembling, she realized she could never force rlm@0: them against their will, even if she did have the right. Her rlm@0: shoulders slumped and she lowered the staff, defeated by the gentle rlm@0: submission of Dark-sama. Verging on tears she answered haltingly, rlm@0: “Gomenesai, Dark-sama, Light-sama. I don’t want to be like that with rlm@0: you. I can’t.” She looked up, her emerald eyes wet with tears. Light- rlm@0: sama again stared in surprise, but this time with pity, not defiance. rlm@0: Dark-sama smiled as she rose gracefully from her bow, then leaned rlm@0: over and placed her hands on the woman’s shoulders. Her tranquil rlm@0: voice was melodious and calming, rlm@0: rlm@0: “That is why the Cards love you so, Sakura-chan. We would do rlm@0: anything for you, because you do not command us. But we cannot tell rlm@0: you your feelings for Tomoyo. We cannot tell you, because only you rlm@0: can know what is in your heart.” rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura again remembered agonizing over Syaoran’s departure to Hong rlm@0: Kong. How would she have known what was in her own heart if her rlm@0: friends had not helped her, nudged her, and all but told her that rlm@0: Syaoran was her true love? As if reading her thoughts, Light-sama rlm@0: spoke up brightly, rlm@0: rlm@0: “Others cannot know such things, and though they mean to help they rlm@0: bring confusion, not light. Sakura-chan, you have never really known rlm@0: your own heart, or these feelings would not be a mystery to you. You rlm@0: must do this yourself if you would know the truth”. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura looked hesitant and uncertain. She was confident in many rlm@0: things, but not this. Not knowing her own feelings. They had always rlm@0: been baffling, an emotional web that frustrated and bound her. She rlm@0: had been so thankful when everyone had helped her before. But if this rlm@0: was something she must do alone, then she would try her hardest. For rlm@0: Tomoyo’s sake she could not fail. Sakura felt a surge of strength rlm@0: that steeled her determination. She bowed low to the wise and rlm@0: beautiful women. Her smile was bright and confident as she spoke with rlm@0: an enthusiastic but steady voice, “Thank you so very much, Dark-sama rlm@0: and Light-sama. I promise I will try my best.” rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: The two women shimmered before her, smiles filling her with peace rlm@0: and strength. She resisted the urge to hug them, and instead bowed rlm@0: again and returned Shield to its card form. As Sakura turned to go, rlm@0: Light-sama approached her. Breathless, she saw the glowing figure rlm@0: lean over her, golden hair waving in the air like seaweed in an ocean rlm@0: swell. She met Sakura’s forehead with a tender kiss and the words, rlm@0: “To help light your way, Mistress”. Sakura felt a surge of warmth and rlm@0: hope, and smiled radiantly as she bowed her thanks. With that the rlm@0: young woman was gone, leaving Dark and Light to linger awhile, rlm@0: content in the eloquent silence of each other’s company. rlm@0: rlm@0: III. rlm@0: Sakura stirred her coffee with absent-minded detachment. The quaint rlm@0: little café overlooked the Bay, offering a scenic vista of ferryboats rlm@0: and seagulls. But Sakura’s attention was far away, in another time rlm@0: and place altogether. She had wandered the landscape of childhood all rlm@0: day long, and like an explorer returning home came bearing strange rlm@0: and exotic memories. She realized now that her time as a child had rlm@0: been like the nursery-rhyme song so dimly remembered: “Merrily, rlm@0: merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream”. It was as if she had rlm@0: dreamt away her years in Tomoeda, and now awakened to the marvels rlm@0: that filled her pleasant slumber. rlm@0: rlm@0: Above all else was the extraordinary love of her best friend, rlm@0: Tomoyo. This love had been sweetly present all through her life. As rlm@0: she meandered through memory she saw it in places unsuspected and rlm@0: unlooked for. Love was there in all the girl did and all that she rlm@0: was. Love was sewn into the elaborate costumes Sakura had worn in rlm@0: capturing the Cards. At the time, their excess of kawaii had caused rlm@0: the Cardcaptor no end of embarrassment. Yet Tomoyo sewed them with rlm@0: meticulous care, and if they were playful and carefree, they also rlm@0: marked Sakura in a singular way as the new Cardcaptor. But most of rlm@0: all they reflected the glowing love that Tomoyo held for her. The rlm@0: girl was ecstatic when her friend wore them, and that crazy, innocent rlm@0: delight was something Sakura painfully missed. No longer embarrassed, rlm@0: she longed once again be the focus of the rapturous love. rlm@0: rlm@0: Tomoyo’s love embraced her in a comforting cocoon of blissful rlm@0: contentment, yet it also tossed her into the sky, deliriously free to rlm@0: soar beyond limits she would never have dared on her own. Tomoyo’s rlm@0: love was vast and deep, a mysterious ocean that gently rocked and rlm@0: swayed Sakura’s heart. Tomoyo gave her strength and hope, help and rlm@0: solace, and the delightful charm of her shinning presence. “And what rlm@0: did I give her?” Sakura thought in a hot flash of shame. “I took all rlm@0: my problems to her, and she helped me every time. But I didn’t help rlm@0: her. I didn’t even know about her special love. She did so much for rlm@0: me, and I never even let her know. I didn’t even know myself.” This rlm@0: last thought seemed particularly bitter. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura realized that Tomoyo had paid a dear price for her friend’s rlm@0: denseness. “She supported me, and I ignored her. I took her for rlm@0: granted, like she would always be there, just for me. How could I rlm@0: have been so selfish?” So powerful and ever-present was Tomoyo’s love rlm@0: that Sakura simply grew used to it. It pained her to think so, but it rlm@0: could not be denied. Like air and water, Tomoyo’s love was something rlm@0: Sakura needed, and unconsciously came to expect. She had taken her rlm@0: marvelous friend for granted. She knew this now because Tomoyo was rlm@0: far away, and that love and affection were no longer a part of rlm@0: Sakura’s daily life. This knowledge made the memories of her time in rlm@0: school with Syaoran especially hard to face. When Syaoran returned rlm@0: from Hong Kong, she had flown to his arms, losing herself in the rlm@0: Chinese magician. Enamored by his stoic strength and charmed by his rlm@0: stingily given attentions, she had been oblivious to all else. She rlm@0: remembered the time they sat in swings at the park while she spoke rlm@0: about her feelings for Yukito. She was deeply moved as he silently rlm@0: listened to her, but now she wondered if his silence was more a lack rlm@0: of interest than concern. But how many times had Tomoyo listened to rlm@0: her problems and worries, really listened with all her heart and rlm@0: spirit? She was always there, sympathetic and caring, listening to rlm@0: confessions and sobs until dawn chased the stars away. Even now it rlm@0: was Tomoyo she went to with all of her problems, as well as her rlm@0: delights and joys. But Sakura had hardly given Tomoyo’s fragile heart rlm@0: a second thought. She always assumed the girl was happy, for the dark- rlm@0: haired girl never spoke of the pain and hurt that Sakura had seen so rlm@0: recently in her eyes. rlm@0: rlm@0: Was this pain new? Had her friend sailed blithely through childhood rlm@0: without worry or care? It was comforting to think, but Sakura sensed rlm@0: it was not so. No, Tomoyo must have had some sadness and rlm@0: disappointment throughout the years they were together. But she had rlm@0: never said a word, and Sakura had never asked. She kept whatever rlm@0: troubled her to herself, but why? The answer, Sakura thought as she rlm@0: sipped her cold coffee, was stark and obvious: for me. rlm@0: rlm@0: Not only was Tomoyo always there for her, but she carefully kept her rlm@0: own problems from Sakura as well. The toll these years of sacrifice rlm@0: must have cost her friend seemed staggering. On the brink of tears, rlm@0: Sakura thought to herself, “She was always there for me, and happy rlm@0: for me, and silent for me. And I never even knew”. Hurriedly leaving rlm@0: money on the table, she began headed into the center of the busy rlm@0: city. Walking usually eased her heart, but not today. She thought of rlm@0: those last years in High School where her world revolved around rlm@0: Syaoran. Sometimes he was all she could think about. When he was in rlm@0: Japan they were always together, and when he was absent she talked rlm@0: and thought and dreamed about him, and little else. Never did she ask rlm@0: about Tomoyo’s crushes, or dates, or cherished hopes. There weren’t rlm@0: any, of course; only a hopeless love from afar that left her lonely, rlm@0: a shattered heart her only confidante. Ever since Tomoyo explained rlm@0: the reason for not buying a teddy bear for her special someone, rlm@0: Sakura had assumed her odd friend was content with unrequited love. rlm@0: She thought of her reply at the time, “I know Tomoyo’s special person rlm@0: must be very happy”. Now it sounded shallow and ridiculous, and the rlm@0: memory of her remark made her physically ill. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Baka.” Sakura felt a rare anger welling up inside, an anger that rlm@0: accused her of a cruel disregard, “It’s a wonder she can stand to be rlm@0: around me.” Yet this was one of the many miracles of her dearest rlm@0: friend. Never once, in any way, did Tomoyo betray a trace of anger or rlm@0: reproach. Not a word, or a gesture, or a sign did she give of the rlm@0: wrong that Sakura had done her through a carefree and foolish rlm@0: neglect. She hid her pain, and all those years Sakura did not see. rlm@0: But what she did see, despite the hurt done her, was Tomoyo’s rlm@0: astonishing love. That was no mask. Her love had sweetly shaken rlm@0: Sakura’s heart, and was as real as the warmth of the sun. With Tomoyo rlm@0: gone that love was now distant, and for four months Sakura felt the rlm@0: ache of loneliness. Slowly she realized what it meant when that love rlm@0: was absent from her everyday life. Sakura felt on the edge of rlm@0: collapse before Tomoyo came to Hong Kong, and it was this finally rlm@0: opened her eyes to what the dark-haired woman meant to her. But poor rlm@0: Tomoyo had endured years of such desolation, alone, without even the rlm@0: hope of being with her true love. “She should hate me,” Sakura rlm@0: thought as she sobbed, “but she still loves me.” Oblivious to the rlm@0: curious stares and embarrassed glances from people passing buy, rlm@0: Sakura cried her way to the bus stop that would take her to Silver rlm@0: Strand Beach. rlm@0: rlm@0: When the bus boarded the ferry, Sakura stepped out and stood on the rlm@0: bow of the little boat chuffing over the water. The sea breeze eased rlm@0: her distress, and the salt spray cleansed and refreshed her. Gulls rlm@0: circled and dipped in the late morning sun, greedy for scraps and rlm@0: tidbits from the tiny humans below. They set up a noisy chorus when a rlm@0: young boy and his mother hurled pieces of sandwich high into the air. rlm@0: As the birds pirouted and swooped, snatching the bread in mid-flight, rlm@0: Sakura remembered flying, remembered the dizzy, dancing joy of rlm@0: cleaving the air with magical wings. In the air you were free, but rlm@0: that was a different sort of freedom than what she embraced in Hong rlm@0: Kong. Here she had her new life, free from the family and friends of rlm@0: her old life. She was free, but miserable. Now, far away from rlm@0: Tomoyo’s affection, she felt a leaden burden that weighed heavier rlm@0: upon her with each passing day. Worse, by flying away to a life with rlm@0: the man she loved, she forgot her obligations to her dearest friend. rlm@0: Sakura remembered a tearful confession in one of her letters, an rlm@0: apology for not knowing sooner how hard it was for Tomoyo to be rlm@0: without her true love. The woman replied in soothing tones; you rlm@0: didn’t now, it’s all right. But she should have known, and it wasn’t rlm@0: all right at all. Unaware of Tomoyo’s needs, Sakura had proven a rlm@0: selfish and insensitive friend. She burned with shame at the very rlm@0: thought of her neglect But all this would change, and it would change rlm@0: now. She would discover Tomoyo’s special person, and talk to them. rlm@0: She would tell them of Tomoyo’s precious feelings. And then, she rlm@0: thought excitedly as she again boarded the bus, Tomoyo would have her rlm@0: happy ending. Unless, of course, that special person did not love rlm@0: Tomoyo. What then? rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura slumped in her seat as the bus left the ferry and wound it’s rlm@0: way up the east coast to the beach. What if this mysterious person rlm@0: did not share Tomoyo’s feelings, or was already with someone else? rlm@0: Tomoyo had said as much in her letters, pleading with Sakura to let rlm@0: things be. Sakura’s hesitation was brief. Her resolution to make up rlm@0: for past failings drove her forward with staunch determination. She rlm@0: would help heal the sadness reflected in Tomoyo’s hauntingly rlm@0: beautiful eyes. There would never be any chance for Tomoyo if this rlm@0: true love never knew her feelings. And if they did not love her? This rlm@0: seemed inconceiveable, so Sakura decided to worry about it if it rlm@0: happened. It felt good, finally knowing what to do. Her mind made up, rlm@0: Sakura sensed something like contentment as she turned to the rlm@0: difficult question that had to be answered before she could begin: rlm@0: just what were her feelings for Tomoyo? rlm@0: rlm@0: When the bus let off the passengers at the beach, Sakura was rlm@0: relieved to see that there were relatively few people enjoying the rlm@0: water. She had a towel to lay on, but no swimsuit. She simply wanted rlm@0: to be here, where they had shared part of an all too brief day rlm@0: together. Slipping off her sandals, Sakura felt the hot sand beneath rlm@0: her bare feet. Walking to the water’s edge, she traced the line rlm@0: between sea and shore, warm water tickling her feet, delightedly rlm@0: digging her toe into the dark, wet sand. Finally, she found a spot rlm@0: and laid out the colorful towel, then sat and watched the other rlm@0: beachgoers. A boy run up to the oncoming waves, squeeled, and then rlm@0: run back laughing to his mother. The sun was bright and reflected off rlm@0: the water with a glare, so Sakura closed her eyes and began to try rlm@0: and understand her feelings for Tomoyo. rlm@0: rlm@0: Tomoyo was her best friend, and had been ever since the gift of a rlm@0: little eraser in third grade. Sakura remembered that first day in rlm@0: class surprisingly well. Daidouji Tomoyo had been introduced as a rlm@0: transfer student, bowing shyly as all eyes in the class appraised rlm@0: her. She was given the seat next to Sakura, and as the new girl rlm@0: unpacked her books, the brunette gazed at her in wonder. Dressed in a rlm@0: brand new uniform, lustrous lavender hair covering her back and rlm@0: shoulders, she was the prettiest girl Sakura had ever seen. When the rlm@0: Daidouji girl glanced her way, the genki girl flashed a radiant rlm@0: smile. This brought a crimson blush that graced the new girl’s rlm@0: strikingly pale skin. Later in the day she saw a distressed Tomoyo rlm@0: frantically looking in her book bag. Sakura cheerfully gave her an rlm@0: eraser to correct her mistake, a gift the girl accepted with surprise rlm@0: and delight. Later they sat together for lunch, talking about family rlm@0: and food and all the little things so important to children. Sakura rlm@0: liked her from the very first, and they quickly became best friends. rlm@0: They were inseparable, sharing moments and memories while the years rlm@0: passed by like a slow, melodious song. rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Everything a best friend should be the pale, kindly girl had been. rlm@0: She was kind and caring, always there with love and support. Sakura rlm@0: now wondered if she could ever have gone through the trials of rlm@0: childhood and adolescence without her. All through the capturing of rlm@0: the Cards, their transformation, and the final battle with Eriol, rlm@0: Tomoyo had been by her side. The dark-haired girl filled her with a rlm@0: confidence she often lacked, and made it possible to meet challenges rlm@0: that would otherwise have been overwhelming. Tomoyo meant a shoulder rlm@0: to cry on, a reassuring hug, and words of sympathy and solace. She rlm@0: adored her friend, and Sakura basked in that glowing adoration. It rlm@0: was odd to think of it like this, but it was almost as if she were rlm@0: Tomoyo’s special someone. Tomoyo affection for her best friend made rlm@0: Sakura feel unique, exceptional, and loved. In turn, she loved Tomoyo rlm@0: as her best friend. There was a quiet contentment in her presence. rlm@0: Sometimes they would just sit together, watching a sunset, or leaves rlm@0: blown in the wind. There was no need for words. Their friendship rlm@0: found comfort in the intimate silence they shared. Just to be with rlm@0: her made Sakura’s heart glad. Sakura carried the knowledge that rlm@0: Tomoyo would always be there for her. She could always rely on Tomoyo rlm@0: her help, advice, and insight. Sakura passed through childhood rlm@0: virtually free of fear or anxiety, save for ghosts, of course, There rlm@0: was no place for fear with Tomoyo as her friend. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura opened her eyes and squinted against the brilliant sunlight. rlm@0: She scanned the horizon and saw a small fleet of junks bobbing in the rlm@0: water, nets hauling in a sparkling catch of fish that glittered like rlm@0: silver. She loved to eat fish, but was happy not to have to catch rlm@0: them. The thought of the poor things thrashing helplessly about as rlm@0: they were hauled out of the water reminded her of last night’s dream, rlm@0: and she shivered despite the heat. Like the fish, this is how she rlm@0: felt living in Hong Kong: stunned, disoriented, and desperate. rlm@0: Struggling to cope with this distress, she slowly discerned its rlm@0: cause. It was because she missed Tomoyo. She missed the constant, rlm@0: sparkling presence of the tender girl in far-away Tomoeda. Slowly rlm@0: Sakura began to fathom the depths of her feelings for her best rlm@0: friend. She had always liked her, more than any of her other many rlm@0: friends. But it was more than just liking her that she felt. It was rlm@0: love. Sakura knew she was terribly dense about human feelings. It was rlm@0: so very hard to understand her emotions, let alone those of others. rlm@0: This ignorance caused pain and embarrassment, and even now was the rlm@0: reason for her curious odyssey. Being away from Tomoyo had thrown her rlm@0: into an emotional storm, yet all the agony it caused her eyes were rlm@0: finally opened. She missed Tomoyo so terribly because she loved her. rlm@0: rlm@0: Of course, She missed her other friends, like Naoko, and Chisato, rlm@0: and Rika. But not like this, not like Tomoyo. Being away from the rlm@0: azure-eyed girl left her lonely and frantic, teetering on a despair rlm@0: that should have had no place in her happy married life. So powerful rlm@0: were her feelings that it no longer made sense to think she simply rlm@0: “liked” her best friend. She experienced emotions somewhat like this rlm@0: with Syaoran and Yukito, but nowhere near as deep and intense. In the rlm@0: time away from Tomoyo, she finally came to understand that she loved rlm@0: her best friend. But just what did this love mean? At first, she rlm@0: decided it was the love of friendship. She remembered a moving story rlm@0: of the ancient Greeks. It told of a man condemned to death, but rlm@0: given his freedom to attend a sister’s wedding on the condition that rlm@0: should he fail to return at the appointed time, his best friend would rlm@0: die in his place. The man fought through incredible hazards and rlm@0: hardships, but in the end returned and faced death for the love of rlm@0: his friend. Sakura cried when she read this tale, and for the first rlm@0: time understood that love bound friends as surely as it did lovers. rlm@0: She even wrote about this in a letter to Tomoyo, asking if someone rlm@0: could be more than a best friend, could be a “special friend”. But rlm@0: listening now to waves crashing on the beach, and random cries of rlm@0: children playing, Sakura knew the love she bore Tomoyo lay beyond the rlm@0: bounds of friendship. rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: She heard the playful screech of a little girl who was tagged, and rlm@0: now ran after her former persuer to make them “it”. The sun was rlm@0: lowering towards the western horizon, bathing the hills of the New rlm@0: Territories in a fiery orange glow. She suddenly realized she had rlm@0: forgotten to put suntan lotion on her face and arms. Gingerly the rlm@0: young woman touched her skin, hoping the burn would not be too rlm@0: severe. This triggered memories of Tomoyo stretched out on the towel, rlm@0: Sakura rubbing the cool lotion into her creamy, alabaster skin. The rlm@0: woman on the beach caught her breath and felt a crimson flush spread rlm@0: over her neck and cheeks. Shaking her head, she tried to focus on the rlm@0: question of just how she loved Tomoyo. There was an intimacy between rlm@0: the two, more like sisters than best friends. Sakura recalled rlm@0: frantically phoning Tomoyo late one night when she was barely rlm@0: thirteen. Suspended between mortified embarrassment and utter rlm@0: terror, she was sure she had been stricken with some dread disease, rlm@0: but could not bring herself to ask her brother or father for help. rlm@0: Only Tomoyo would do. After calming the panicky girl with her soft, rlm@0: melodious voice, Tomoyo spoke with her mother and quickly returned a rlm@0: diagnosis was as old as girls and women themselves. In minutes Tomoyo rlm@0: arrived at the Kinomoto residence to comfort and be with her friend. rlm@0: Of all the people Sakura had ever known, there was no one she felt rlm@0: safer with in sharing her most private thoughts and secrets. There rlm@0: was that special trust of family between them, though without the rlm@0: irritation she so often felt with her brother. The bond between the rlm@0: two girls felt deep and ancient, as indeed it was. rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura wondered sometimes about the blood ties between them. Their rlm@0: Mothers had been cousins, and grew up together in cherished intimacy. rlm@0: It seemed that Sonomi had loved Nadeshiko, and the two were rlm@0: inseparable until Fujitaka came between them. It was funny that their rlm@0: mothers had been so close, just like their daughters. But Marriage rlm@0: tore them apart, and Sakura now grieved for Sonomi. She was sad, and rlm@0: even a bit guilty, for if Nadeshiko had blossomed in her marriage, rlm@0: Sonomi had never quite recovered from her lost love. Tomoyo hinted in rlm@0: a letter that Sonomi was a bit like Sakura’s sensei friend, and this rlm@0: comparison cut like a razor. She had seen Jun-sama’s suffering first rlm@0: hand, and the thought that the kind and beautiful Sonomi shared this rlm@0: pain was unbearable. rlm@0: rlm@0: Yet as Tomoyo had once laughingly observed, things were curiously rlm@0: mixed up. While the daughters were, like their mothers, somehow rlm@0: connected, it was as if Sakura and Tomoyo had been switched at birth. rlm@0: Each looked and acted much like the other’s mother. Like Sonomi, rlm@0: Sakura was athletic, hot-tempered, and determined to succeed in all rlm@0: she did. Tomoyo, like Nadeshiko, was quiet, quirky, and brimming with rlm@0: love. In an odd way, physical and psychological aspects of the rlm@0: Amamiya cousins had been blended together in their children. But no rlm@0: matter how she considered her relationship to Tomoyo, Sakura realized rlm@0: there was a deeper connection between them than mere friendship. rlm@0: Although unaware of each other for eight years, the two girls fell rlm@0: instantly fell together like long lost siblings. For Sakura, Tomoyo rlm@0: felt like a lost part of her very being. This special affinity for rlm@0: the dark-haired girl had almost sisterly quality to it. Yet there was rlm@0: still more to their relationship than that. Even if they had been rlm@0: sisters, how to explain that awful parting at the airport? rlm@0: rlm@0: As Tomoyo boarded her plane, Sakura was swept by a despair she never rlm@0: thought possible. It dredged up horrific memories from long ago, rlm@0: memories the shattered woman did not even know existed. When Tomoyo rlm@0: left, it was as if her Mother had died all over again. But this time, rlm@0: Sakura did not see with the eyes of an innocent three year old, a rlm@0: child who could be told that mommy was in a beautiful place in the rlm@0: sky. This time, she knew Tomoyo was gone, and could not shake the rlm@0: irrational fear that they might never be together again. Her mother’s rlm@0: early death did not seem to affect her much in large part because of rlm@0: Fujitaka. Her father devoted his life to filling the gaping hole left rlm@0: by the tragic absence of Nadeshiko. Sakura sometimes heard tales of rlm@0: other fathers from her friends in school. Many fathers were often rlm@0: absent , seemingly indifferent to their own families. They spent long rlm@0: hours at grinding jobs, and were too exhausted to take part in family rlm@0: affairs when they did return. Busy with overtime and obligatory rlm@0: drinking bouts with the boys, these were the fathers that forgot rlm@0: birthdays and teacher’s names, who never went to school plays, fairs rlm@0: or parent’s days. Their sole purpose of winning the bread left little rlm@0: time to enjoy it. Sometimes Sakura wondered if this was the sort of rlm@0: father her own husband would prove to be, and this troubled her rlm@0: greatly. Her father was so very different from all the others. He was rlm@0: gentle, encouraging, and loved with a mother’s unconditional love. He rlm@0: had mastered the domestic arts that ironically escaped Nadeshiko rlm@0: herself: cooking, cleaning, sewing, and the myriad little details rlm@0: that make a household run properly. But for all his dedicated effort, rlm@0: the loss of a mother might still have affected Sakura more had it not rlm@0: been for Tomoyo. rlm@0: rlm@0: Growing up, Sakura loved Tomoyo as the mother she never had. The rlm@0: very fact she looked like the pictures of Nadeshiko may have rlm@0: reinforced the girl’s imperceptible feelings. The Daidouji girl’s rlm@0: nature was very much as Fujitaka had described his wife: sweet, rlm@0: gentle, placid, and loving. He once remarked that in all their years rlm@0: together, he had never seen even a trace of anger on her luminous rlm@0: face. Tomoyo was exactly the same: ever smiling, kind, and caring. rlm@0: With maternal affection, Tomoyo had nurtured Sakura through the rlm@0: trials of childhood and adolescence. She was there to ease the hurts rlm@0: and soothe the pains of growing up. She encouraged the first, rlm@0: tentative steps towards love with Yukito-san and Li-kun. Sakura often rlm@0: found herself crying in the arms of Tomoyo, who hugged her back with rlm@0: in a motherly embrace. In the arms of its mother, a child always rlm@0: feels that everything will be all right. Even as they whirled rlm@0: together on the dance floor, when Sakura burst into tears at the rlm@0: harrowing prospect of Tomoyo’s imminent return to Japan, the dark- rlm@0: haired woman enfolded her in her arms and brought soothing rlm@0: reassurance with nothing more than her gentle presence. Yukito might rlm@0: have said this parental affection was the key to Sakura’s love for rlm@0: Tomoyo, as it had been for him. Years ago, he told Sakura she loved rlm@0: him because he was like her beloved father. She agreed, but not rlm@0: because she believed he was right. She knew her that Touya loved him, rlm@0: so she said yes, and stepped aside. But if her feelings for Yukito rlm@0: were not quite true love, they were still more than a schoolgirl rlm@0: crush. It was painful to let the gentle boy go, but she did. And rlm@0: Sakura now knew that her love for Tomoyo was no more easily explained rlm@0: this way than her feelings for Yukito. She had loved Yukito more than rlm@0: a father figure, and loved Tomoyo more than the mother she never rlm@0: knew. The kiss in the garden had shattered that explanation for rlm@0: Sakura’s love. For all her maternal kindness, Tomoyo stirred up rlm@0: passionate feelings in Sakura that no daughter ever had for her rlm@0: mother. rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Watching a slender, gorgeous, woman preparing to leave the beach rlm@0: reminded Sakura of Tomoyo slipping out of her white sundress. This rlm@0: memory summoned a fiery longing that gripped her heart, and the rlm@0: feverish desire that haunted her recent dreams. She trembled in rlm@0: remembrance of braiding the long, lavender tresses, the silken feel rlm@0: of pale skin, the sweet, flowery scent that wafted like a heavenly rlm@0: little cloud. Tomoyo’s visit awakened a sensuous craving for this rlm@0: achingly beautiful woman, a desire that previously hovered only on rlm@0: the rim of Sakura’s awareness. Tomoyo always seemed to her the rlm@0: prettiest of girls. There was a delicate loveliness about her that rlm@0: Sakura found irresistible. As childhood passed into adolescence, her rlm@0: feelings changed with her body, imperceptibly at first, but in the rlm@0: end irrevocably. So captivated by Syaoran was she that this change in rlm@0: her feelings almost went unnoticed. Only little hints were left, odd rlm@0: moments that puzzled her when they happened, and were quickly rlm@0: forgotten as meaningless puzzles. But now, in the grip of memory, rlm@0: these puzzles seemed more like keys to resolving the sweet confusion rlm@0: that played havoc with her heart. rlm@0: rlm@0: Most vivid was a memory from the 8th grade, in a gym class where rlm@0: Tomoyo gamely struggled with a difficult floor exercise. The other rlm@0: students left for home, but Sakura stayed to help her friend master rlm@0: the complicated pattern. She spotted for Tomoyo, holding her closely, rlm@0: guiding her with a sure, firm touch. Slowly at first, the dark-haired rlm@0: girl caught the rhythm of the movements, and her natural grace and rlm@0: charm moved Sakura’s heart. For some reason her very nearness rlm@0: flustered Sakura, distracting her from the lesson she was trying to rlm@0: impart. Sakura blushed fiercely while Tomoyo, still as a fawn, rlm@0: daintily arched her supple body and gazed up with trusting eyes. rlm@0: Breathing raggedly, Sakura stood by her, their faces nearly touching, rlm@0: utterly enraptured by the wan beauty of the delicate girl. From rlm@0: nowhere she felt a mad desire to embrace her, caress her, and shower rlm@0: her with kisses. The brunette leaned closer, heart hammering as their rlm@0: lips nearly touched. Suddenly she blushed crimson and pulled quickly rlm@0: away. Tomoyo seemed pleasantly baffled, and then worried as her rlm@0: friend turned her back and trembled. Sakura stammered out something rlm@0: about a pulled muscle, and struggled to calm her racing heart. Had rlm@0: Tomoyo come to her then, with a kindly touch or a concerned hug, rlm@0: Sakura was unsure just what might have happened. But the odd little rlm@0: whirlwind passed quickly, and Tomoyo returned to being just a best rlm@0: friend. Yet this was not the only time that some unseen passion had rlm@0: seized Sakura’s heart. Tomoyo’s presence had sometimes captivated and rlm@0: enthralled her in ways she could not fathom. Confused, even rlm@0: frightened, part of Sakura had succeeded in forgetting these strange, rlm@0: overpowering little moments. But delving into the depths of her rlm@0: feelings, Sakura found that these hidden memories now came flooding rlm@0: back. And these feelings she remembered were the identical to those rlm@0: in the garden, where she was swept away by an overwhelming love for rlm@0: Tomoyo. rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura stood up and stretched, drained but oddly exhilarated. As day rlm@0: gave way to night, she gathered her things and walked to board the rlm@0: approaching bus. She was tantalizingly close now, sensing a rlm@0: revelation that would make her feelings clear at last. Though she rlm@0: appeared charmingly normal at first glance, the genki young woman was rlm@0: unusual in many ways, not least in her utter honesty. Most people shy rlm@0: away from such ruthless examinations of their inner feelings. As the rlm@0: saying goes, they prefer not to stir muddy waters and cause rlm@0: difficulties. Or, they cling to comfortable illusions, rejecting rlm@0: thorny and painful realities. As Fanren observed, Sakura was in many rlm@0: ways a simple girl. She wanted to know what was true, and could not rlm@0: abide to live a life that was false. Her desire to know had rlm@0: inexorably driven her to gather the Cards, and then transform them. rlm@0: In doing so she jeopardized not only her life, but also those most rlm@0: precious to her. Now she was on a journey to know her true feelings rlm@0: for Tomoyo, and after that the identity of her best friend’s true rlm@0: love. Where this journey led, or how it was resolved, did not concern rlm@0: her at all. Indeed, she was frighteningly innocent of the havoc and rlm@0: pain such discoveries might unleash. But had she known, she would rlm@0: have plunged forward regardless, for her determination to understand rlm@0: was implacable. After a long ride over the ferry and into the City, rlm@0: she boarded the last electric tram up Victoria Peak. When she exited rlm@0: the tram and began walking, the exhausted little P.E. teacher caught rlm@0: a second wind, and raced up the hill to the mansion. Preparing for rlm@0: bed in her room, Ieran-sama saw her daughter-in-law dashing into the rlm@0: house, and wondered what she was doing out running at such an hour. rlm@0: rlm@0: Tip-toeing into her room, Sakura retrieved the Cards from their rlm@0: resting place. For a moment she stood over the sleeping Syaoran, rlm@0: smiling. Then she slipped away, latched the door, and walked down the rlm@0: hall to Tomoyo's room. She sat on a chair by the window and gazed at rlm@0: the garden, dark and silent in the still of night. What happened in rlm@0: that garden changed everything forever. Never had her love for Tomoyo rlm@0: felt so strong and all-encompassing. Never had she felt so rlm@0: deliriously close to another human being. Oddly, it all started with rlm@0: Tomoyo's wrenching pain. Sakura had seen little slivers of her secret rlm@0: hurt before, in letters and during the trip to the Matsukaya. But rlm@0: sitting in the garden, Tomoyo was unwilling or unable to conceal the rlm@0: torment of life without her special someone. She broke down, sobbing rlm@0: in Sakura's arms. Sakura's heart was riven as she hugged her tightly, rlm@0: wishing with all her power that Tomoyo would be all right. rlm@0: Miraculously, she was. While embraced by Sakura, the pale girl seemed rlm@0: healed of her terrible hurt. In this blinding moment Sakura realized rlm@0: the agony of loneliness that her best friend lived with everyday. But rlm@0: the Mistress of the Cards also saw that in her arms, Tomoyo's pain rlm@0: was assuaged. She said that with Sakura she was happy, and the full rlm@0: truth of this at last opened her emerald eyes. Here was yet another rlm@0: revelation, for Tomoyo needed her as surely as she needed Tomoyo. She rlm@0: longed to hold and comfort her pale friend, to take away the pain rlm@0: forever. If indeed she had such power, Sakura vowed now to use it, rlm@0: regardless of cost or consequence. rlm@0: rlm@0: That night in the garden, Sakura and Tomoyo were like two castaways rlm@0: washed up on a foreign shore, gazing on a world and each other made rlm@0: marvelous and new. It was as if Sakura saw Tomoyo, the girl she grew rlm@0: up with, for the very first time: fragile, vulnerable, and rlm@0: breathtakingly beautiful. When that enchanting woman came so rlm@0: enticingly close, a surge of desire swept Sakura’s body and shook her rlm@0: heart. In that magical kiss, two souls met for the very first time. rlm@0: Sakura touched her cheek as a sweet warmth enfolded her. The memory rlm@0: of that kiss lingered still, echoing in her heart, tingling through rlm@0: every cell of her body. She loved Tomoyo as a friend, a sister, and a rlm@0: mother. But after they kissed, she knew her love was unimaginably rlm@0: vast and unbounded, a door to infinite space, a precipice on the edge rlm@0: of forever. If she had hesitated to step over that awesome threshold, rlm@0: it was only because the luscious shock of that kiss had left her rlm@0: utterly enchanted. rlm@0: rlm@0: But now, following her road to the very end, she was awakening. The rlm@0: meaning of her love for Tomoyo was finally clear. Sitting quietly in rlm@0: the shimmering night, a gentle rain of tears falling on her folded rlm@0: hands, Sakura at last understood her feelings. Perhaps deep within a rlm@0: part of her had suspected or known, all along. But now the splendid rlm@0: truth resounded throughout her entire being. Sakura could sing, or rlm@0: cry, or shout this truth, but her steady heartbeat bore a more rlm@0: eloquent testimony. In her heart nestled a precious knowledge, a rlm@0: knowledge gained through pain, joy, and time. And what her heart knew rlm@0: would change her forever. rlm@0: rlm@0: Daidouji Tomoyo was her one, True Love.